


The Voice

by Misery_of_Shadows



Category: Final Fantasy XIII, Final Fantasy XIII Series
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-15 12:06:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 71
Words: 223,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13613025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misery_of_Shadows/pseuds/Misery_of_Shadows
Summary: After surviving one of the worst tragedies known to man, compounded by the fact her father left her to rot, by the time she got back to her family, Lightning wasn't the same girl she was before it. she had changed, which progressively got worse over the years until one incident that Serah had walked in on and promised to not accept her older sister's lies anymore so she could help.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

The smell of ash and the sounds of screaming that carried with it was the same deafening silence that had hit her. It had never seemed to be the same since. The tears that stung her eyes as the small girl she was meant to protect getting pulled from her.

All the pain and suffering she went through seemed to have been met with the only voice that had helped her through it. Through all the suffering and anguish to get back to her home, with her sister and parents.

That was when she supposed the voice started to make itself known to the pink haired woman. The way the voice had persisted ever since that fateful time nearly a decade ago. The way the voice had just been screaming at her to an annoying degree.

To the point that it was only nearly dwarfed by the sound of an alarm blaring in her ear. Snapping her eyes open, the cerulean eyes stared at the small black box reading five in the morning. Shooting her hand out to snap out and slam onto the off button.

Sitting up, the woman couldn't help but feel the sleep leaving fairly quickly as her feet pressed into the cold concrete that lined her room. Right now her only goal was to merely make sure the breakfast was ready, and then getting back to her room. That was all that was going to fuel her for the beginning stretch before her world seemingly shifted back to hell like it always did the second he was up.

' _ **Are you positive that you can't just pour any on a long list of deadly household items into his morning meal of puppies?'**_

As if on queue there was the voice. The main reason the hell seemed all that much worse given everything. The constant nagging voice that never seemed to give her a moment's rest. Something that just seemed to compact the problem more and more.

Running her hand through the strawberry blonde hair, the woman couldn't help but feel the anger grow. ' _Shut up. And leave me alone._ ' The woman thought as she freed her hands from her hair as she started to climb the basement stairs. Glad that her loving sister was finally able to convince her father that stairs would be better.

It was probably the only thing that made the hell decent at this point. Being able to not have to climb up a ladder every morning.

Opening the door, she couldn't help but look around at the pristine house that she was meant to keep. Taking a deep breath, she knew that with her current goal she had to fulfil. If she could then she'd be able to slink back into her room and just let this day ride itself out. Something that she felt like she needed, just so she could have at least a single day without actually debating to take up anything that the same nagging voice said.

' _ **You know you can't silence me. All the screaming in your head does is irks you. What is it that you kids say these days? You are only hurting yourself. Why do you keep hurting yourself Light? Why? It is tearing this family apart.'**_

Stopping at the fridge, she could just feel the voice increase it's tone two fold as if in some hope for the woman to finally snap. Any and all gains would be short lived if at all. ' _Just shut up. Let me do this and then you can do your normal annoying crap. Serah needs a proper breakfast._ ' Light thought as she started to pull the parts for her to do her job.

' _ **Why? Why should she be treated so special? While you suffered? Personally I say she should be punished just like your parents. So why should we not listen to me?'**_ The voice continued as the pink haired woman started to crack eggs into a bowl. Already knowing that it wouldn't be long before her sister would be up and just ruin what she had going for her at this moment.

She knew that ignoring the voice's comments would just make them come back three times as strong. And a lot more graphic in its descriptions, but she had to. It was best for everyone really if she would just accept that tirade that will befall her.

Walking over to the stove, Light poured in the eggs into the closest pan as she reached to pull slabs of the bacon and smiled at the smell that wafted up. The way the smell just seemed to drown out the voice as she started to flip the chunks of meat was a pleasant feeling.

' _ **DON'T IGNORE ME LIGHTNING! DON'T IGNORE THE ONLY**_ _ **ONE**_ _ **THAT HAS BEEN WITH YOU THROUGH EVERYTHING!'**_ The voice continued to yell as Lightning just took a deep breath. She couldn't stand this. Not this early.

Stepping back away from the pans, she started to run her hands through her hair. She could almost feel her ears ringing from the berating tone the voice had taken with her. Knowing that at this rate she wasn't even going to get the few minutes she needed to finish this simple thing. The way everything was going she'd be lucky if she was even able to finish this at all today instead of the time she had before everyone was up.

It was actually making it seem a lot harder by the almost very physical pain she was in. Pulling a hand free from her hair. Walking quickly over towards the knife block, Lightning wrapped her hands around the handle.

Pulling it free from the block, Lightning took a deep breath as she knew of one certain way to silence the voice even if it was temporarily. Holding her arm out she started to aim carefully. She didn't want to risk causing any lasting damages. Raising the sharp blade above her head she was about to bring it down when she felt soft hands catching her arm.

The rage just seemingly bubbling as she followed the offending hands. As she came to their owner she could see some tears starting to stream a little down her sister's face. She knew that she could easily over power her younger sister. It would have been an easy thing too given how she must have been exhausted and Lightning had been up for a while clearly.

"Claire. Put the knife down. Please. For me." The small pink haired teen said through the tears as she could feel the fight in her sister's arm starting to die down. Something that made her feel a little bit better. She knew that there was something at least that she could help with.

Sliding the knife back into the block, Lightning smiled at the fact her sister had relented on holding her arms back. It was probably the closest thing that she could have for a victory that day. If not month. She felt like she needed this simple thing.

"I need to get back to cooking." Lightning said as she took a deep breath trying to push past her sister. Getting stopped by arms wrapping around her trying to pull her back.

"I can do that Claire. Just sit down."

' _ **Just tell her to shut up! She is using nothing but honeyed words. The second she helps you, she'll abandon you all the while leaving you to suffer again. You should have just smacked her and drove the knife into your arm like you wanted to you pathetic bitch!'**_

"No Serah. I've got it. That was nothing more than a lapse of judgement." Lightning said as she almost shoved her sister out of the way. Praying that the pans weren't going to burn. Smiling as she could see however long her and her sister were standing like they were that nothing had been ruined. She could still save everything.

"Claire... you never have lapses in judgement. Bouts of barely controlled anger towards Snow... a bit too frequently for my liking but yeah it happens. But never a lapse in judgement. And this makes the fifth one that involved bodily harm. Is someone bullying you? If someone is bullying you in school let me know so I can help." Serah continued as Lightning quickly turned the stove off and turned to face her sister.

"No one is bullying me. That fight where I broke portions of Snow's ribcage was from him being a jackass. The suspension will be lifted in a week's time. So sit down." Lightning stated as she turned towards her sister and could see an almost shocking look on her sister's face. The sight of her not buying that simple statement.

"Claire, I know something is up. And we both know I will figure out what. It would go a lot easier if you just told me." Serah continued as Lightning just shook her head.

It wasn't that she had doubt in what her sister would or wouldn't do when it came to something like this. But it was just a lot easier to keep the guise going. She had to for not only Serah's sake but her own as well.

"Everything is fine. Now drop it or else."

"Or what? The one time you hit me since we were children you broke your own arm afterwards. What can you do to me that you won't dish out to yourself tenfold?" Serah asked stepping closer to her sister. Cerulean meeting cerulean in a challenge over who would back down first.

Looking away, Lightning knew it might have looked like her sister had won, but she couldn't let something like that stop her. "Your right, but your boyfriend and myself are fair game. Both people we know you care about more than you should."

' _ **I stand corrected... you do know how to have a pair of lady balls when dealing with your sister. So now just punch her like she deserves for questioning you. It is all she deserves Light.'**_

' _Shut up. I will never not hit Serah again.'_ Lightning thought as she could finally see her sister relenting as she stormed over to the table. Accepting her fate it would seem. Something that made her feel a lot better in the fact that Serah didn't call her bluff.

She would gladly beat her sister's boyfriend into another trip to the hospital. But since there last meeting he had stayed his distance to her thankfully. Which would leave her hurting herself and the one thing she didn't want was her family to think she was crazy. It would be probably the hardest thing to convince her sister to think of the alternative. No matter how much the voice in her head would have her believe just about anything.

' _ **But Light, you are right. We are not crazy. Our reality is just different than theirs. Meanwhile the more you ignore me the more determined I'll get for a reaction. And we both know how well that went last time. Or did you forget the great window smashing rampage?'**_

"Breakfast is done. You just need to put it on the plates. I'm heading back to my room." Lightning said as she started to walk off getting caught by the soft caring hands of her sister once again. Almost like it was going to be able to pull her away from her new goal.

"Promise me you'll tell me what is on your mind Claire. Or I will tell Auron and we both know he could get the answers from you." Serah pleaded as Lightning took a deep breath and looked towards her the timid and yet terrifying teen. "Promise me now Claire."

"I promise if there is a problem. As of right now, there is nothing. What you saw earlier was a lapse in judgement. It happens to everyone. Myself included. I'm just having a rough time sleeping for obvious reasons." Lightning said hoping her sister would read into it and come to a conclusion that meant that she didn't need to come up with some lie.

Before she could see what Serah would get she felt the smaller teen quickly hug her as tight as she possibly could. Trying to fight the constraints holding her, she could just feel her sister's eyes starting to well up once again dampening her shirt.

"You've been back five years Claire...Dysley is paying... the purge won't happen again. I can't imagine what you went through. But you need to talk about it if it is troubling you this much."

Returning the hug as best as she could, Lightning couldn't help but take a deep breath. "I'm fine Serah." Lightning said softly as she could see her sister pulling back to stare at her. "Now can I go? I don't want to have a screaming match this early in the day and we both know that is exactly what would happen if I stayed up here."

"Sure Claire."

Happy that she accepted the answer, Lightning started to nearly run towards the solace of her room. The comfort that she needed was going to be there. It always was probably the only pleasant thing for her at that moment. Being able to not run the risk of harming anyone except herself.

It was what she deserved really. Opening the door, she started to walk down the stairs into the darkness. The darkness that just seemed like it was fitting given her current state of mind. She knew that there was probably something poetic about it, but it didn't matter.

Reaching the base of the stairs she quickly reached to turn the light on smiling as the dull yellow filled the room, just because at least her eyes weren't in any pain from being blinded. That was until she could hear the distinct cracking sound that always came before the bulb would blow. Just sighing as she made her way over to the beaten pink desk that was a hand me down from her sister.

As she took the seat, she could hear the bulb fizzle out before a loud crack filling her room with darkness once again. _**'Poor Light... now we are all alone in the darkness once again. It seems that no matter how hard you try to leave... you always find your way back to this place. But I forgive you. I'll always accept you back. I'd even give you a hug every time if I had arms.'**_

"Just shut up." Lightning seethed in the silence as she opened her eyes, glad that they had adjusted to the darkness fully as she turned on the small desk lamp on. "Please, just leave me alone. I don't want to hurt anyone." Lightning continued in a near silent manner as she pulled one of the drawers open. Reaching into it she pulled out a small notebook and a pen.

' _ **Don't you dare take the cowards way out! You are so much stronger than that. I mean so what if you hear a voice.'**_

"Don't be insane. He'd like that too much. Just living up to the promise I made to Serah. She never said how I was meant to tell her or when." Lightning seethed under her breath as she could hear a second set of footsteps just above her. It meant one of her parents was up as well.

Sulking a bit further as she tried to follow the footsteps as she wrote down the one sentence before tossing the notebook into the drawer, and sparing a glance over her shoulder to see who the new intruder was. Frowning at the sight of the sight of ginger haired woman walking down the stairs.

' _ **Oooohhhh... do you think Serah did what she always does?**_ _ **Namely h**_ _ **urt you? Because I think she did by totally telling your spineless mother something.'**_

"Light? Are you down here?" She could hear her mother ask causing her to just take a deep breath. She really didn't want to have to deal with the woman but knew that she didn't really have a choice. She had to do it much to her chagrin. "If so, why are you sitting in the dark? It is bad for your eyes."

' _ **Huh... did you know she could speak? I thought your mother was a mute. This is probably the most she has ever talked to you.'**_

Ignoring the voice again Lightning just turned around and faced her mother fully. "Yes, I am down here. The bulb just burned out. And I just haven't changed it. That is something I'll do later." Lightning said as her mother just seemed to smile as she got to the bottom of the stairs.

"Why don't you come up for breakfast. It is the most important meal of the day after all." The elder Farron said as Lightning just took a deep breath. Already knowing that it wouldn't be difficult to lie to the woman, but it would be difficult to ignore the barating to come.

"I had some while I was cooking. I just want to be left alone for now."

' _ **Liar liar pants on fire.'**_

' _Shut. Up. They don't need to know nor do they care.'_ Lightning thought as she could see her mother just smiling saying a simple 'okay' as she turned and started to walk towards the light and warmth of the house.

' _ **I'm sure they do care Light. I mean how can they hurt you more if they don't think you are already hurt? But not me. I just don't like this lying Light. It is hurting the both of us. And one of us needs to care about you.'**_

"Just shut up." Lightning whispered as she stood up from the seat and walked towards her small bed. "I'm going back to sleep. Maybe you'll be less annoying with a proper rest."

' _ **Doubt it. I am you after all. But you've got to try now don't you. Put up or shut up after all. And we both know how you like a challenge.'**_

' _That I do. So shut up long enough for me to sleep, and give me a fighting chance._ '

' _ **Fine. Fine. Don't let the bedbugs bite Light.'**_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Smiling as she quickly looked around to make sure her and her loveable boyfriend hadn't been followed. She knew how this was going to appear otherwise. The almost betrayal she knew her older sister would feel if it got back to her about this.

"Serah, come on. Big Sis won't find out even if she does terrify literally everyone except Auron and you because everyone knows you don't want her to know and you are by far the more terrifying sister. Can we stop this act?" The blonde haired man asked as the pink haired woman turned around to glare daggers at him. "Or we can continue it. I don't even know why I said that... please don't be mad." The blonde stated as he started to step back, wondering if it was going to be worth it to just run if his girlfriend really was angry with him.

"Snow, can you be a sweet heart and lean down unless you want the school to know about your secrets?" Serah asked rhetorically causing the blonde man to bend down the seemingly two feet to get his head levelled with his loving girlfriend. Ignoring the burning sensation of his ear being pulled sharply down further. "Claire will beat you if she finds out you are still calling her that, and that will be the least of your worries. Something is up with Claire, and if I can't get to her the only person that can is Auron. And he will tell her. That is what I'm worried about." Serah hissed as she let go of the blonde man's ear.

Dusting her hands Serah smiled as she could see Snow standing back up to his full height rubbing his ear hard trying to soothe it. "Now before I go in there and you stay out here keeping guard, how are your ribs healing? I'm sorry I didn't get to her in time to stop her hitting you?" Serah said softly as the man just chuckled lightly rubbing his chest as if it was the first time he remembered his chest.

"They are fine Serah. And all she did was break like three ribs and bruised the rest. Just if she tells you what I did to set her off like that... I'd appreciate it if you told me." Snow said taking a breath as he smiled down at Serah.

"She just doesn't like me dating people that are older than her... plus she said you said something jerkish. I refuse to use her exact words. But the anniversary is coming up and she still won't talk about it to anyone." Serah continued as she quickly hugged her boyfriend just enjoying the feeling of his arms encircling her. "I just wish she had someone like you." Serah said, smiling at the warmth that seemed to flow through the taller man.

Pulling back, the pink haired teen looked up into Snow's eyes and smiled. "Now I need to get going in. Auron always has a habit of running out the second the day is done to go training." Serah said walking over towards the door opening it and smiling at the sight of the man sitting down dragging a pen across a stack of paper. Seemingly ignoring the short brown haired woman sitting across from him trying to talk.

"Serah, please tell me you have something good you want to talk about." The man with short spiked black hair stated as he looked up from the stack to gesture to one of the seats in front of him.

"I'm sorry Auron... I didn't know you had company. I was just wanting to talk about Claire." Serah said as the man tossed the pen down and looked up as if he was thankful for the intrusion.

"I'd love to continue this Yuna, but the sister of my favourite student wants to talk about my favourite student. You know privacy and all." The man stated leaning back rubbing his eyes as the woman now known as Yuna seemed to cross her arms and stare at him. As if hoping her glare would make him take her seriously. "Try glaring all you want. It works a lot better if I wasn't one of the people who helped raise you." Auron continued seeing her just stand up in a huff before walking out of the room.

Shaking his head he turned back to the stack of paper and frowned as Serah took the seat. "What was that about? She seems very mad. I'm sure Claire could wait a few more minutes." Serah asked causing the teacher across from her to just groan.

"She wants me to visit a friend's grave. Specifically her father's grave. And I do not. The past should stay in the past. Now do you actually want to talk about Lightning, or me. Because if you want to talk about me you can join Yuna." Auron stated coldly as Serah just sighed.

"She has been acting stranger and stranger, mostly self harming... and you remember the hearing about her suspension. Not to mention I caught her this morning seconds away from driving a literal carving knife into her arm after nearly pulling her hair out and muttering to herself." Serah said at least happy that the man had taken her seriously enough to look up from some paperwork he had been doing. The expression changing from being angry at being interrupted to concerned about the woman.

"Knowing you, you would have cornered her into talking. So what did she say?" Auron asked as he stared into the cerulean eyes. Knowing that she could probably have struck fear into just about anyone and probably would have tried too. "Or are you just not accepting her answer and instead wanting me to push for an answer you will accept." He continued shrugging the glare of the teen off as he met her gaze.

"She called it a lapse of judgement. But I can't stress that if I was a second later she would have driven a _literal_ carving knife through her arm and then she declared that nothing was the matter. And despite what I'd want, it isn't from her feeling bad about hitting Snow repeatedly. It has only become a recent thing when she is around people that she seems to lash out that I could notice. It is practically everyone but you and me. And she already has accidentally broke my collarbone. And threatened me a few times of self harm." Serah pleaded as Auron sighed leaning back in his seat.

Taking a deep breath, he could see a questioning look on the pinkette's face. "Yuna! Stop eavesdropping and get in here! And leave that blonde man outside. Make sure he is thirty paces away." Auron yelled almost laughing at the sight of the woman falling in through the door. Before either woman could comment on it, he stared at them both. "Serah, meet Yuna. Yuna meet Serah." Auron said noticing a curious glance shared between the duo.

"Just tell Yuna what you told me. She is a psychiatrist and despite how often she forgets who she is dealing with, she is probably the only one I'd trust. And if she says there might be a problem I'd gladly help, otherwise trust your sister."

"Auron... I don't appreciate you acting like field is pointless." Yuna snapped as she stomped her foot. "Besides why is there a cute boy out there? Did he do something to make you mad? Because I only thought Jecht and Tidus could do that." The brunette said as if the comment didn't really bother her and was starting to confuse Serah in that regard.

"He is my boyfriend, and Claire would without a doubt kill him if he heard anything about her... she kind of already did a number on him in a fist fight a few days ago. Also why I'm able to be here." Serah muttered as the brunette nodded taking the seat just next to hers.

"Will the both of you stay on topic. Because I'd love to finish my work here, go and warm up so I can go and teach Kendo. I can't do any of that while you two are here. So please." Auron interjected as he let his minor annoyance seep into the conversations.

It wasn't even due to the fact that he had some issue with Lightning. On the contrary, he actually did want to help her if she needed it. But as far as he could see there really wasn't any issue. All he could see was a sister being overly concerned over nothing.

"Right. Claire... sorry Auron." Serah said as she turned to face the brunette woman once again. Simply taking a deep breath, taking careful precautions as to not reveal too much that her sister might want to keep quiet about, but enough for her to actually get someone else to notice something was wrong with her sister.

At least she was able to get to talk to a professional, and might even be able to get Claire to talk if she was able to get over the first hurdle. Namely convincing people there was a problem to begin with. That she supposed was the biggest problem because at this point she was just seeming like a crazy over protective sister. Something that she didn't care because she knew there was an issue.

Deciding to just start from the almost shameful point when she recognised the start of the problem a year and a half ago. "I've only noticed this less than two years ago and she has lied through her teeth and threatened self harm anytime it is brought up... and it started with her nearly punching our dad, and when I stepped in the way she broke my collarbone... by the time we had gotten back from the hospital she had punched most of the windows shredding her arm open and snapped said arm in something like five places and I swear, she was talking to herself, and I don't mean just talking to the void of space... but a full on conversation. And I'm not sure which side was winning, but all I know was she was in excruciating pain for even having it."

"I'm sorry Serah, I'll let you finish but Auron, can you please go get us a pot of tea? I feel like this will be a long conversation. Unless you know of a room we could borrow. Then I'm sure we could find our own tea." Yuna interrupted as she could see the man just smile a little.

"Serah, can lead you to the guidance counsellor's room. If he puts up a fight, tell him he still owes me. If he still puts up a fight tell him to come find me and we can hash it out." Auron said ignoring the glares that came his way as he turned back to the paperwork he was doing. Just going to be glad once he could get these two women away from him long enough for him to finish it.

"We still aren't done talking Auron." Yuna snapped standing up, smiling at the sight of the pink haired woman joining suit.

"Whatever you say. But seriously, because Light is one of the only people that give me hope for humanity, if you genuinely think there is an issue and Serah isn't being an overprotective sister and needs help herself, then I'll help. Until then I seriously need to get these papers graded." Auron said in his defence as the female duo huffed walking out of the room.

Smiling at the sight of Snow standing at the far end of the hallway when Yuna decided to ask a question that was on her mind. "Hey Serah, is your sister's name 'Light' or 'Claire'?"

"Both. It is complicated but she got caught in Bodhum just as the purge was starting and she was taken hostage... when Dysley fell we got her back but she didn't really like being called 'Claire' any more by anyone but me. I mean she actually beat an old friend up because he called her Claire." Serah said calmly and as soft as she could so Snow wouldn't think of some way to possibly get into a fight by mistake.

"Ah. I suppose that could cause some issues depending on how old she is. But I think we should really get some tea. Because you look a bit frazzled and I know I am. Especially after arguing with what I'm positive is really a brick wall for a few hours." Yuna said as Serah just smiled at the idea.

Quickly catching up to the blonde man, Serah grabbed one of his arms and pulling him down. "Snow, can you please go get me and Miss Yuna some tea we both are kind of mad? We are going to be at the guidance counsellor's office."

"Sure." Snow said with a smile as Serah pulled him down to plant a chaste kiss on his lips. Pulling back the pink haired woman smiled as she let go of the man's arm to just witness him walking down the corridor.

"The room is down this way." Serah stated as she turned around and started to lead the woman down the in the other direction. "Don't worry, he'll get the tea just right. It took me forever to teach him that, but we got there eventually." Serah said with a smile.

* * *

' _ **Come on Light, maybe you lost this time... but**_ _ **we know you'll try again. You can't accept anything but a victory.'**_

"Just shut up. You've made your point clear. You annoy me and I annoy you when I ignore you. Why are you still trying to annoy me? How does this benefit you?" Lightning said out loud as she stared at the suspended ceiling. Hoping that she was going to get the peace and quiet that she deserved.

' _ **I don't know... maybe you listening? Or a kitty cat. I mean Serah would love it, you would love it, father dearest would love it... especially if a certain someone was allergic to them.'**_

"Serah is allergic to them. she'd love it but her throat would close up. Not to mention ninety percent of the time I'd rather ignore you. Especially if you want me to harm people." Lightning continued as she decided three hours staring at the ceiling was more than enough for her to be bored of it.

' _ **Happy coincidence. You get a kitty, lose Serah and your father would be**_ _ **heartbroken**_ _ **... maybe he'll even off himself. Oh could you imagine that? A double funeral. And knowing you, you'd but the 'fun' into funeral.'**_

"Seriously shut up. I want to think and I can't do it with you irking me." Lightning continued walking over to her desk chair. Enjoying the silence in her head with a small laugh as she opened one of the drawers.

Pulling out the notebook and the pen, Lightning started to flip to a random blank page. The pink haired teen just smiled as she started to write along the page. That was until she could hear a pair of footsteps walking towards the door. Ignoring them as she could hear the door open. She already knew it was going to be one of two people, and her mother was busy trying to find a replacement household chef. Leaving one person.

"Claire... can we talk?" Serah asked in a soft tone as Lightning just ignored the question and continued to write down in the journal she had to make. She knew her sister would give up. She always had over things like this. All she had to do is wait. "I'm not leaving Claire. Let's talk."

Groaning as she turned around in the seat, Lightning just stared at her sister. _**'Someone is so whipped I'd swear you were meant to be building a pyramid.'**_ Lightning could hear the voice say while making crude whipping sounds. It was making her feel a lot more annoyed than anything else.

' _Shut up. Just shut up. It is to get her out._ ' Lightning thought as she could see her sister walking over towards the small cot like bed, patting it lightly.

"I'm not moving Serah. Just tell me what it is you want to talk about." Lightning said in a stoic manner. Praying that there was going to be anything to snap her sister out of this small crusade. She had to break her from it just so she didn't get forced into somewhere uncomfortable.

"You have a meeting with a psychiatrist in four hours. Auron has even promised to not teach kendo tonight to make sure you talk to her."

' _ **Now do you believe me? She talks, and when she talks she hurts you. And when she hurts you it hurts me. But she surprised us. Talked to a shrink about you... about your problems. And now has backed you into a corner. This is a new type of hurt she has just dolled out.**_ _ **F**_ _ **ight the power**_ _ **Light!**_ _ **'**_

"I'm not talking to any psychiatrist Serah. There is nothing wrong except the very obvious lack of trust you have in me." Lightning said standing up letting her anger flare only for a moment as she could see her sister just meeting her gaze. "I mean all you did was _stab_ me in the back."

"You _almost_ stabbed your arm this morning. I watched you talk to yourself leading to it just saying 'no' and 'shut up' over and over again. Something isn't right Claire, and if you won't ask for help I will go looking for it for you. I didn't want to warn you but Auron's friend who is the psychiatrist said it would be best to give you a heads up." Serah said meeting her sister's gaze. She couldn't back down at this point. She couldn't. "Auron is upstairs talking with mom right now. So your move."

Serah punctuated her final statement with storming up the stairs before slamming the door shut. Gripping her hair tightly, Lightning took a deep breath and walked over to her bed. Climbing onto the bed, Lightning lowered her head so it was between her knees and let out a loud groan. "Say anything and I swear I will take the cowards way." Lightning added as she tried to calm her frantic breathing.

' _ **No you won't. You aren't brave enough for that. Instead you are going to be an adorable crazy lady trying to appear normal... but don't worry, I'll be here for you. I'll always be here. Do you want a hug?'**_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

' _ **Oh, come on Light... I'm sure your sister didn't mean to stab that hard. But the phrase 'Et tu, Brute' comes to mind. I wonder why?'**_

"Just shut up. This is all your doing!" Lightning yelled out, hoping that the people above her didn't hear her. But at this point she knew the voice was right. She didn't have even the slightest chance to come out of this without showing her crazy side. "If you would have just shut up and let me do my thing earlier she wouldn't have caught us."

' _ **Please, she wouldn't have told anyone on just one incident. Or even just two. She probably has been watching for years. How would I know? I only know what you know.'**_

"Just shut up." Lightning said ignoring the tears that seemed to drip onto her bed as she kept her head securely between her knees. She could feel the almost phantom claws starting to dig into her mind as the voice just kept prodding her and prodding her. "Do that for the both of us. Just shut up so this shrink doesn't think we are damaged too much."

' _ **That is going to be hard. I mean we are both so very damaged. Almost our whole lives have been like that. What would change if an extra person thought we were damaged. Because all the people that think otherwise you could count on one hand with five fingers left.'**_

Groaning louder, as she started to pull sharply on her hair, Lightning wasn't sure if it would be worth it or not to break her arm again. It would silence the voice and she would get out of this hell hole for a few hours. But the thought of being a sitting duck, of being unable to be in control of her own mind and responses as they questioned her.

This really was a no win situation for Lightning. And it was irking her more and more. The fact that seemingly even herself wouldn't listen to a simple request that would benefit them both. It was at the point where she really just wanted to crawl up in a ball and sleep the night away. A very tempting thing given everything, but she also knew it would be nothing but a temporary fix.

"CLAIRE GET UP HERE!"

' _ **Oh, she sounds mad... so your options are break your arm, which I don't support for obvious reasons. Admitting you are whipped when it comes to sister... we both know that is true. Or growing a pair of lady balls again and standing your ground refusing to go up stairs. Someone is spoiled for choice.'**_

"I'M NOT TALKING TO ANY SHRINK!" Lightning yelled back as she pulled her head from between her legs. Loosening up on the grip she had over her hair, glad that the response didn't come.

Instead of hearing a shout, she could hear some stomping footsteps towards her door, before she could even shout again the door was flung open to reveal an irate pink haired woman. "Claire, either you come up or I'm sending down Auron and Yuna. I decided since you didn't try to run that you deserved the option."

' _How long have I been down here telling you to shut up?'_

' _ **At least four hours apparently. How am I meant to know? Again I know what you know. I may choose to ignore some information, but if you don't know then I don't know.'**_

' _Go back to shutting up please. Don't try and confuse me.'_ Lightning thought calmly as she stared at her sister. Trying to well up what little strength she could muster against her tyrant of a sister. "Try me Serah. I'm not talking to a damn shrink over nothing but a lapse in judgement." Lightning said as she turned back towards her knees. Debating if it would be worth it to ignore both the voice in her head and her sister.

"Fine then Claire. You asked for this." Serah said before she started to walk away without closing the door.

' _ **Well now your options are break your arm... or talk to a shrink. I'd take the breaking the arm option. That is a lot funnier to watch.'**_

' _You're wrong there is a third option.'_ Lighting thought as she tensed her left hand into a fist, lowering it down to pin it under her right foot.

Taking a deep breath as she closed her eyes and listened to the footsteps, coming back towards the door, Lighting sharply twisted her body away from her foot. Biting her lower lip, Lightning was over static to hear the loud popping sound coming from her shoulder. She knew that it would buy her some time of not talking about her problems.

' _ **I'll admit, I didn't think you would do something so temporary. They probably won't even give you anything to numb the pain. There is a reason after all why I didn't pose that to you.'**_

"YOU SEE! THAT ISN'T NORMAL!" Lightning heard yelled causing her to look towards the stairs to see her sister leading a duo down the stairs. She had to ignore them as she lifted her foot to free her arm. Raising the opposite hand to just rub and lift her left arm up.

"I warned you Serah. And since Snow isn't here." Lightning whispered as she could see Auron walking over to her with a timid brunette just behind him. She wasn't sure what was making her seem so timid but none of that mattered to her because she knew this was the shrink her sister had talked to.

Lightning sighed as she could feel Auron grabbing her arm and started to forcibly relocating it with another loud pop. She could see the brunette woman jump a little at the sight. "Now, will you finally listen to me Serah? It was a lapse in judgement." Lightning seethed as she took a deep breath before sitting upright once again.

' _ **Huh... that hurt a lot more than it did in the past. And because you forgot Auron isn't squeamish around relocating limbs you now can't avoid this conversation. If you would have taken the broken arm you could have put this off.'**_

' _Shut up!'_ Lightning spat mentally getting tired of the berating she had been receiving the entire day from the disembodied voice in her head.

' _ **What? I just couldn't help but notice a lot of our problems could be solved if you listened to me like you used to... why don't you listen any more Light? I think that**_ _ **we should go do some marriage counselling. It would teach you that listening is important.**_ _ **'**_

"Serah go and bring down the tea and switch the light on?" Auron stated as the younger of the sister duo nodded and started to nearly run towards the stairs trying to outrun the glare her sister was sending her way. She knew that she was seeming like a worse and worse person. But her big sister was hurting and she had to help her after all she did for her.

Serah viewed this as the least she could do to help her sister out when she needed it. She already felt just north of useless but now there was a chance that she could genuinely be of use. As she flicked the switch up she frowned at the lack of light filling the room.

"Ah crap baskets... the bulb is blown." Serah whimpered as she turned around to see the older male just shake his head.

"Then get a spare when you are coming down. I'll put in a new one." Auron said calmly as he started to usher the teen up the stairs. He knew that she was going to be in just as much pain the second Yuna started to crack the near impervious shell Lightning had constantly kept around herself. Because if there was a problem, he had no doubt that Yuna would be able to get to it and if it was big enough to where she would do something like that then he had no doubt any more. There had to have been a big one.

Looking between the intruders into her room, Lightning just started to glare. She didn't want to talk. As far as she was concerned, there wasn't a problem that she couldn't handle herself. That was all this was. A problem that she could fix if she tried hard enough. That was the way it always was.

Moving back a bit on her bed, Lightning took a deep breath as she debated if it would be still possible to break her arm. She doubt that she'd be able to get to the banister and break it like she did last time. The only thing she could really do feeseably was continuously dislocating her arm until Auron got tired of relocating it.

Hell she even doubt that that was an option. He seemed pretty fine doing it and she knew if it was a game of attrition she doubt that she'd be able to top his resolve. Especially if it was about her talking.

Placing her hand under her foot again, getting ready to force her shoulder out once more, as she glanced up the stairs to see Serah having made it to the top and nearly ran in the direction of the kitchen, Lightning just took a deep breath as she turned to the timid brown haired woman.

"Please don't do that again. That looked really painful. I promise I'm not going to ask you anything that would make you uncomfortable." The brown haired woman pleaded as Lightning could just hear laughter in the back of her mind.

' _ **Ahhhh that is adorable. You found the one shrink who is timid around people injuring themselves. That is impressive in its own right. We always meet the most interesting people.'**_

'Seriously. Shut. Up. I might still be able to salvage this.'

"I refuse to talk to a shrink. The problem is my sister makes a mountain out of a molehill." Lightning seethed as she could see the only person besides her sister turn around to stare at her, just making her feel like a paper tiger in front of a hurricane.

"Light, you know most of the time I'll have your back. But I just witness you dislocate your arm." Auron stated calmly as he took a step closer towards the teen who he could almost swear he saw her backing up to try and get away from him.

"I warned Serah that I would do something like that this morning. She didn't heed my warning." Lightning defended herself as she could hear some more laughing.

' _ **Maybe she didn't take you seriously because you always treat her with kid gloves. I mean what is a smack here or there. As long as you don't bruise her. I mean what else can your father take away from you?'**_

' _One more word, and I'm going to twist my body again. It will pain me as much as it pains you.'_ Lightning thought as she gripped the sides of her foot, just to make sure that she wouldn't do a half assed job. Especially seeing as she only could possibly get away with one more. She knew it wouldn't be much longer before they got to her dirty secret, but what she could do was delay that from happening. She had to delay that happening.

' _ **Word.'**_

At that single almost cheeky response, Lightning twisted her upper body again. Enjoying the popping sound once again. What made it seem even better was the fact the brunette staring at her she could have sworn nearly fainted as Auron chuckled at the brazen attempt to make her point clear.

Grabbing the arm once again, Auron shoved it the joint back into its home. "We aren't leaving until you talk Light. And I will relocate that shoulder as much as I need to." Auron deadpanned as Lightning bit her lip once again.

' _ **I guess that really does hurt the both of us... unfortunately for you it seemed to have strengthened their resolve. So I guess there is that... but tell you what, while they are trying to pick your brain to get you to come clean about me, and I'll just start practising for our singing career.'**_

Lightning had no idea why the voice was continuing on such a tirade towards her sanity, but all she did know was the fact remained that all she did know was she was refusing to even talk to the clearly uneasy brunette.

At this point she wasn't sure if it was from the repeated dislocation which came with a very distinct popping sound, or the relocation that came with another distinct popping sound. All she knew was the woman was nearly ready to pass out.

"Can we just make a promise to not do that? I mean how have you not screamed out in pain yet?" The brunette pleaded as she looked at Lightning. Her appearance seemed to have taken on the look of an injured animal being cornered. Deciding to possibly help her out in some way as well as help Serah with the tea. "Auron... can you please go help Serah? This is a bit intimidating. I mean you won't do that arm thing again will you?" She asked as Lightning started to back herself back into the corner.

' _ **Oh wow... someone besides Serah and Auron addressing you like a human... this woman is both interesting and infuriating. I mean can she pick one thing and continue it? And before you even ask, no I'm not being petty. I think she is just being an attention hog. Show me some!'**_

"Light... Just promise and it will just be us."

"You have me at a disadvantage. How am I able to trust you?" Lightning asked as the brunette walked closer to her. Quickly trying to scan the room to see if there was any where else for her to sit while not sitting on the bed to make it seem like she was invading her personal space.

"My name is Yuna. Do you mind if I take the chair by the desk over there?" Yuna said with a smile as Lightning just glared at her.

"I'd rather if you just left my room. And not make me talk to you. Not to mention tell my sister to trust me." Lightning continued to seethe as she took a deep breath raising her unhindered hand to just rub her left shoulder. She had already foreseen how this was going to continue, and she'd refuse to let it get to her 'talking about her issues' stage. She couldn't.

"I just want to talk Light. It doesn't even need to be about what your sister is worried about. I mean I've been trained to read just about anything and everything of a person. Like how you are being so violent in your dismissal of people tells me you are trying to protect yourself for something or someone." Yuna said walking over to the chair just picking it up carefully as so she wouldn't need to drag it across the floor causing a loud noise that would make her feel even more pain than just what the relocating did.

Placing it down just across from the pinkette, Yuna smiled at her ignoring the rage that seemed to build up once again in her near expressionless face. "So tell me how come you haven't screamed out in pain at least once. Because just the sound of it made me want to." Yuna asked as she took her new seat. Glad that out of the corner of her eye she could see her friend walk up the stairs.

' _ **Damn Light... this one seems sharp as well as interesting... maybe you should just knock her out of**_ **our** _ **chair and beat her with it. I mean we beat Snow for less just a few days ago. I mean all he did was take the last chocolate chip cookie from the cafeteria for Serah leaving you with peanut butter and raisin. This woman however is taking what is ours. That deserves at least a punch to the face.'**_

' _SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!'_ Lightning spat vehemently as she took a deep breath and looked at Yuna. "I'm used to pain on a grander scale. I'm sure Serah told you why I don't like being called by my given name. And if you live through that from six... dislocating your arm doesn't hurt nearly as bad." Lightning said softly as she tried her hardest to ignore the pair of eyes on her.

' _ **Not to mention you are a coward who won't even punch a single woman who is doing something wrong. And here I thought you had courage. Instead all you are showing how much of a coward you are.'**_

"I heard... it is just something that I find a miracle that you don't even need an ear to listen to anything." Yuna said with a smile as she could see the teen start to let her hands drift up into her hair as she lowered her head.

' _ **She doesn't need an ear to listen to anything because she is a... and say this with me Light 'we are a coward'. That should get her to stop.'**_

The anger seeming to flare as she she took a deep breath trying to calm herself. Something that started to fail. _'SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!'_

' _ **Ah... you didn't say it Light. I suppose you are right. It was on the nose and we wouldn't want it to be too simple.'**_

"Are you Okay Light? Are you feeling sick?" Yuna asked as she could see the woman in question start to take calming breaths. Even if it was for a few seconds.

' _ **And now there are even fewer ways for you to get out! God Damn it Light! Fucking get over yourself and just get rid of this woman!'**_

"JUST SHUT UP! I'M NOT HURTING ANYONE!" Lightning yelled as she tugged her hair a bit more. Ignoring the pain in her head as she started to take deep breaths. She knew that she might have made a mistake, but she also knew once the voice entered that path simply asking wouldn't work. She had to just silence the voice.

"I don't want to hurt her!" Lightning yelled again as she felt tears stinging her eyes just to stem the flow. She didn't want to think of what would happen if the voice got her way. "Don't make me hurt her." Lightning continued as she fell down onto her side.

' _ **Aw fuck. Now you did it. This is why we don't get trusted with anything cool... but don't worry Light you've got me to stick with you till the end**_ _ **.'**_

"That's what I'm afraid of…"

' _ **Okay, wow. Rude much?'**_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Hearing the woman's statement followed by an almost shriek that was followed by the woman starting to pull her hair. She had no idea what part it was that she said, but the words she screamed seemed to have harmed her further. Nearly sprinting from the chair, Yuna gently cupped Lightning's face.

She hoped that what Lightning said was nothing more than a slip up, but she doubt it would be something like that. From their brief interaction she had no doubt that the woman was in some excruciating pain. Pain that she couldn't fathom and if she was being honest, she didn't want to feel it ever.

Hearing some frantic footsteps down the stairs. She was surprised to feel herself getting pulled away from Lightning and could see Auron trying to pry the pink haired teen's hands out of her hair. With each second Yuna could feel a pang of guilt at the fact of how she very well could have been the one to cause that.

The way he was able to wrench the hands away from the woman and turn around to look at Yuna with a questioning look, just made her feel terrible. The sole reason being that she as meant to help this woman, and all she seemed to have done was cause her pain. Pain that she couldn't even fathom for some reason or another.

"What happened?" Serah asked at the top of the stairs, she really didn't want to go down the stairs in case that this was something a lot larger and she wouldn't be able to stomach any of it.

Looking up the stairs, Yuna could feel her heart sank just because she had promised the girl a few hours ago that if there was a problem then she'd be hopefully be able to get to the bottom of it. And here she was just destroying it.

"I don't know. I was trying to make some casual conversation and she just screamed that she didn't want to hurt anyone. Then started to mumble something to herself as she started to pull her hair." Yuna said in a soft tone, hoping that her worry wasn't going to be made that obvious, but also knew that it probably was.

She had seldom seen anyone have such a reaction to just talking. Hell, she had no doubt that if Serah had seen reactions like that over a year and a half and they had been getting worse, she was made actually happy that she had tried to talk Auron into visiting her father's grave. She didn't want to think what would have happened if this was left to get out of hand.

"Why is Claire silent?" Serah asked taking a careful step down the first step. She knew that it was a pandora's box situation. She wanted to know, but knew that once she figured it out that would unleash so much pain and suffering.

"She is fine. Just seems a bit catatonic." Auron said as he started to lower the woman down onto her side, hoping that he hadn't injured her any, but knew that something was going on, and it was just a miracle that she had been able to seem so well put together for as long as she did. "What did you guys talk about after I left?"

"Nothing that would cause a reaction like that. It was merely how it is a miracle that she had been able to see some horrors from a young age and been able to shake it off without talking about it, and then if she was feeling sick because she was lowering her head between her knees. Before that she seemed to be just fine." Yuna snapped defensively as she could see the group just accepting that, but under extreme duress. It was causing the guilt for possibly hurting the woman to be replaced with anger towards the people who thought she had done wrong in said something she shouldn't have.

"Serah, I'm glad you brought this problem to light, but I can't stress this enough right now, don't come down here. No reason that causes a reaction like that is a good one... especially with her very clear tendencies to toss her own safety into the wind. It will only end in pain for you and her. No matter who she hurts." Yuna said softly as she looked towards Auron to see him taking a few steps away from the girl just being careful as to not aggravate something.

Gulping a little at what she knew the only safe place for Lightning was, was going to be something that she wouldn't go to willingly. Especially if her simply talking to someone like Yuna caused this type of pain. But it really was going to be for the best.

Turning back to the top of the stairs, Yuna looked into the worried blue eyes of the youngest Farron. She took a deep breath and tried to well up all the confidence she could as she spoke. "Serah, can you go and get your father? I need to talk to both of your parents. Tell him it is of the utmost importance." Yuna said as she started to ascend the stairs. She knew that there would be some major kick back if she didn't handle this just right, but she also knew that it didn't matter what either of the sisters wanted.

All Yuna could do from a legal and moral standpoint was inform the parents as to the best course of action. Anything else would be overstepping her bounds at best and at worst she'd be bringing harm to countless people that found themselves unfortunate to be in Lightning's wake.

Reaching the top of the stairs, Yuna turned around expecting to see Auron being right behind her, causing some minor shock just to see him sitting in the chair she had occupied herself before Lightning's mental fortitude had started to deteriorate alarmingly fast. So fast that it seemed to have slowed down in a way but knew that at the very least that the girl was in good hands now no matter what.

"Auron... are you coming?" Yuna asked, secretly hoping that the answer would be a yes for the simple fact he knew the family a lot better than she did. But also knew that once the man set his mind onto something there was no stopping him from doing it.

"No. You'll be just fine by yourself with them. I'll just stay down here. I'll keep you posted on any change." Auron said in his typical cold voice as though he had seen through Yuna's question. Not that she ever could really hide anything from the man, she just constantly hopped that she could given everything.

Smiling a small smile she bowed lightly towards the man saying a simple 'thank you'. As she started to walk towards the warm kitchen she couldn't help but actually notice the difference between the way the home just felt now. It was as though one of the pillars that held it up was injured and the rest just seemed to try and weep it under the rug.

Hell she wasn't even sure if she could find a way to convince Lightning's parents that the best course of action really wasn't inaction but to get her immediate help. Walking into the kitchen she smiled at the sight of the matriarch seemingly getting underway of doing something important. Something that Yuna knew she had to interrupt if they still wanted a safe home.

"Um... Mary... I have some good news and some bad news about Lightning." Yuna knew her timid voice was going to betray how scared she was of this one ordeal, but knew that if it would be able to help this woman than nothing could be wrong with it.

As the ginger haired woman turned around and smiled at the brunette, she was about to speak when the psychiatrist interrupted her. "I'd rather wait for your husband as well. Serah has gone to get him."

She just knew in reality she was only buying time for herself to think of how to phrase the statement 'your eldest is crazy' without coming off as anything but professional. A feat that was starting to seem a lot more daunting as the woman gestured to a free seat at the table.

"I do hope it is mostly good... that girl has been through so much and has spent so long away from us... I don't think it is anywhere near healthy."

"Again Mary, I'd rather not need to repeat myself. And there is some bad news still to go with the good. So just keep that in mind." Yuna said softly taking the seat offered.

"Enough Serah. I am going." Yuna could hear bellow throughout the home. The deep almost intimidating tone he had wasn't one of fatherly concern that she could determine. The best she could figure was it was irritation. Something that Yuna just decided to place a pin in as to the reason. She had bigger things to worry about.

* * *

Yuna took a deep breath as she met the couple's gaze again. She knew that this might be something hard for them to digest, but that couldn't hinder her case. It was for everyone's safety.

"You see there is a long list of things that may cause the reaction she gave after we talked shortly but from what she was saying it leads me to believe she is suffering auditory hallucinations at the very least." Yuna said softly as she could see the man just roll his eyes.

"So she hears voices?" The man's voice shone his concern through, but the brunette could seem to shake the feeling like there was more. She didn't know it was, but that still didn't really matter to her. There was something larger of a concern for her.

"Not necessarily true. Voices could be one of them... but she could be hearing anything from footsteps, or doors, or anything." Yuna began as she continued to stare at the parents. "But none of that really matters."

"Of course it matters!" Yuna could hear shouted at her as she turned to see the youngest of the family quickly covering her mouth as though she had just been caught. Sighing as she revealed herself fully and walk into the room, Serah took a deep breath and clarified her point. "It does matter... Claire is in pain. Why is she in pain? What is hurting my big sister?"

"That is just it... if she is having auditory hallucinations given her history... there are still about a dozen possible causes ranging from depression to anxiety to PTSD to maybe even a form of Schizophrenia. Hell it could even be all of those or none of those." Yuna spoke, almost feeling her heart sink as she knew those were catastrophic to any family.

"Then how do we help her!?" Serah yelled not liking the silence that was starting to befall her parents. She wanted them to actually act like Claire mattered to them.

"You can't treat a number of those, without knowing if it is a cause. It is too dangerous. And judging from the sights of her blatant disregard for her own safety as well as others... it is actually really dangerous she hasn't been medicated. Because it is clear she has next to no regard for lives. Which brings me to a method I suggest for help." Yuna began as she took a deep breath and turned back to the parents. "It would be best for everyone if she is admitted to a mental hospital. I would rather it be the Yevon Institute because I work there... but if that is enough to turn you away from it I can suggest a number of excellent psychiatrists or mental hospitals."

Yuna wasn't really sure why the mention of that was enough to make the family silent, but it was the truth, it really was for the best. Just because if this was left unchecked it would become dangerous.

"How much is that going to cost?" The man that was sitting across from her asked as Yuna took a deep breath. Knowing that this would have been the stopping reasoning for anyone. But the concern he seemed to exude just seemed fake to Yuna.

"Daddy!" Serah yelled startling Yuna a little but knew that she shouldn't interrupt.

"I'm sorry Doctor, but as you can see this is something that we must discuss, if you may please leave. I shall notify you with our intentions." The male Farron said standing up causing Yuna to just stand up and bow a little at him.

"Okay, just please don't leave it long. Lightning could be at risk to herself or any of you. I just need to go get Auron and then we will be on our way." Yuna got out as she left, she couldn't help but feel as though she had just danced around what had to have been the opposite of an active fire pit. Just because the rest of the house seemed to feel a lot warmer than it did in front of the man's presence.

Shaking that idea from her head, she started to walk down the stars glad that she could possibly help this poor woman out. It is what mattered really at the end of the day even if she couldn't help her that she got help.

* * *

' _ **Well, you've done it now. You just blurted the thought out and thought the lie... but let's change the topic... do you think we could get some cookies? Or nachos... or what about dessert nachos?**_ _ **O**_ _ **h can we get some dessert nachos pretty please?'**_

Ignoring any talking that the voice did, Lightning simply stayed in her spot as she took some deep breaths to try and calm the rage that had been building towards the simple voice. The way she had been acting, almost like she had gotten what she wanted.

That was what confused Lightning even more. The fact that she had revealed a huge secret and it had just seemingly been what the reason for it being a secret had wanted. That was what was making this all the that much harder.

' _ **Come on Light. Don't you remember the fun times we used to have? Back when you didn't care who knew because they didn't care about you. So get some delicious dessert nachos, and go back to the fun Light.'**_

Lightning instead of responding chose to ignore the voice once again as she just stared at the wall she had been facing. She was actually a little worried about what was happening with the minor yelling that had thankfully stopped only an hour or so ago.

But the fact that Auron had left and she had been stuck in the room... in the darkness... it felt so fitting given how she was feeling now. Now she was stuck in her room with her entire family thinking that she is crazy.

' _ **Is this about the random outburst? Because I think your family already thought you were crazy. I mean isn't there some ancient proverb of always assuming your family is crazy and idiotic?'**_

The pink haired teen wasn't sure what it was that had been irking her more. The constant insisting that she had to respond, or the fact that she actually wanted to. If just to get the voice to shut up for a little while longer so she might be able to figure out how she could get a way out of this. There had to be a way.

' _ **How did that saying go? Fuck the police? Something like that I assume.'**_

Deciding to just bite her tongue and do what she didn't want to, Lightning decided to respond in the hope that it would silence her or at the very least get her onto the right train of thought. "It is better to be thought to be a moron than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Now shut up. I don't want to talk to you."

' _ **She can talk! Woo that is a load off my mind. I thought I had well and truly broken you. Don't scare me like that Light... it hurts me. It hurts me a lot.'**_

"Just shut up. Please. You can't do any more damage. All that remains is us at this point." Lightning said softly as she started to curl herself up into a ball. She didn't want for anything else to happen except for that one annoyance to finally stay silent. Even if she could only have a few minutes without sleeping of silence than she'd accept that.

' _ **But Light... I never damage anyone. I just want us to be together for ever. You know live up to that 'bff' promise you made me a long time ago.'**_

Shaking her head as she heard some stomping down the flight of stairs. She didn't know who it was that was coming down now, but she just hoped that it was someone that didn't make her want to talk back to the voice just for some comfort.

Her answer came when she felt a very masculine hand grab her shoulder and nearly toss her out of the bed. Catching herself, Lightning stood up at her full height to stare into her father's eyes. Glaring harshly as she started to ball up her hands. The thought of just delivering a blow to the man's side was seemingly a very tempting idea.

Even if it was for the sole reason of hoping that she could hit his liver and possibly even get a liver explosion. Just because then he'd be out of her life for a long time.

' _ **Go on. You know you want to do it. Just punch him.'**_

"Here is how this is going to go. In two days you will be out of my hair." The man's cold tone seemed to have just continued to ring throughout the sparsely furnished room. Not that it really affected Lightning. She was more so focused on how it was becoming a better and better looking option to just beat him.

"And how the fuck are you doing that? Are you going to hang yourself? Because if that is the only thing you ever give me I'd appreciate it." Lightning snapped as the man just smirked at her. As though she had just been trying to put out a forest fire with nothing more than a watering can.

"It seems." The main spoke taking a step forward and almost shoved the woman into a sitting position. As though he had seen through what she had wanted to do. "That a little annoying ant that came from my own seed has one of a long list of things wrong with her and might be hearing voices. So she suggested we get you checked in to some nut house." The way he seemed so cold as Lightning stood up once again to stare him in the eye. "So I reiterate, in two days you will be out of my hair. Your sister may kick up a fuss to get me to visit, but I certainly won't. Are we clear?"

"Crystal, now shove me again and we can speed this up as I beat your liver until it ruptures into thousands of little pieces, and I need to be drugged and chained down to a bed." Lightning challenged, staring intently at the man who just smirked at her.

"Go ahead, then it goes from a case of us being concerned parents wanting the best for our troubled child, to us fearing for our lives and the only place capable of handling her is the criminal asylum. So your move now." Shaking his head at the near pathetic display from his daughter as he walked towards the stairs. "Two days and we can go our separate ways. Your willingness to go just will make it go a lot easier. And I expect to not see you for those two days Claire."

' _ **Huh... did we win or lose? Because this is feeling like a wash and I'm pretty sure we don't like washes. Ah well... what about some dessert nachos?'**_

' _I don't even know what those are. Why would I agree to that?'_

' _ **Sure you do. What part of I only know what you know is tripping you up? It is where you place cookie dough in a very very thin sheet bake that, and turn those into chips then add on top types of ice cream, fruit and whipped cream. So come on... think of them as celebratory nachos for getting your father out of your life... or condolence nachos because we are going to be in a looney bin.'**_

' _Fine if it will shut you up I'll make some.'_

' _ **Yay!'**_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

The smell of freedom was so pungent that the hidden woman nearly felt the urge to jump out from her hiding place. She could see the wind blowing, and she could have swore that there was a few birds singing. Or at least what qualifies as night time birds singing.

That was until the sound of the alarm started to filter through the sheets and blankets she was hidden under. ' _Crap baskets... do or die now. No turning back! Time to run._ '

* * *

"Get your hands off of me!" The small girl fought as she started to twist in the hands of the two men carrying her in. "Did red dawn happen and no one tell me!?" The woman continued as she was placed in the seat once more.

She wasn't sure what was causing this sort of reaction from them, but she knew that there was going to be something that would make her want to do something drastic. That was until she hear the door fly open.

As the irate footsteps started to desk she was seated in front of, she couldn't help but feel a little angry they would bust out the big guns like they had. And she just knew that the Psychiatrist in question was just going to find a way to blame her.

"How many times doe this make Vanille? Sixth? Seventh?" The blonde haired woman said rubbing her eyes, taking a seat behind the desk. "And at that, this is what the fourth time you've had me called in after midnight?" The woman continued as she took a deep breath, sliding back to the file cabinet.

"Nine times total... and seventh they had to call you in after midnight. In my defence though doctor Yuna could have done it this time. I mean it is only fair. You were already home." Vanille clarified as she got comfortable, sitting down, just waiting for something better to come up. Especially seeing as she knew Yuna was also a lot nicer when it came to punishments.

"Vanille, this has got to stop. I've next to nothing to take away from you. I mean there are your call and visit privileges, and your sheets. That is about it. Normally we'd kick you out after the second and maybe third attempt in some cases." The woman spoke softly, letting her irritation seep through as the red haired woman just shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, I'd gladly leave. I'll sign out right now if you guys would just let me." Vanille said defensively as the blonde head doctor leaned back in her chair, just staring at the red haired woman.

"You can't sign yourself out. We are legally obligated to keep you until either we deem you fit enough mentally or you are signed out by a legal guardian, and Fang has made it clear time and time again that she will not sign you out or let you move to a different facility because we apparently are the only ones to trust you." The doctor continued as she took a deep breath and stared at her in the eyes. "So, as punishment for this attempt, your visitation privileges are removed until further notice. You will still have the visit with Fang tomorrow, and all your call privileges until furt-"

Standing up sharply Vanille glared at the blonde doctor, "What the fuck!? That is bullshit Rosa! I didn't even get outside the building this time!" The red haired teen yelled knowing that she probably wasn't going to help her case, but she felt like she had to.

"Let me finish Vanille. You've also been reassigned to a new room. While we can't prove the recent burns aren't from accidents, I've decided it is best that we move you into a room without an exposed radiator." Rosa continued softly seeing the red haired teen just tense up and glare at her, but she had to shrug it off. It was important. "I'll gladly revisit this provided you actually follow instructions. And provided there isn't any other rules being broken, we'd gladly return your privileges. Until the-"

Rosa sighed as she saw her office phone ringing. Recognising the number, she held up her finger and picked the phone up. "Yuna, please say this is important. Vanille and I are having her seemingly monthly breakout conversation."

" _I'll talk to her when I get back. But I'm just informing you we have a special case coming with me."_

"Yuna, can this wait?"

" _I'm just calling you to let you know she is special because she is a purge survivor and from what I've been told she was close to Dysley and his generals and hasn't talked about any of it for five years and was caught when she was about seven._ "

"So this can wait. Call me again in the morning. And I'll get the paperwork her family will need to sign in order for her admittance. Right now however, I need to address our bad escape artist." Rosa continued ignoring the way the red haired teen just seemed to pout harsher as she crossed her arms and started to stare at the floor, as though she finally realised there was no winning in this situation.

Saying their final goodbyes, the head doctor hung up the phone and stood up smiling as she looked into the defiant eyes of the teen. "Sazh, can you bring Vanille with me to her new room." Rosa said as the red haired woman stood up without crossing her arms.

"I'm not going to run... you blocked off the easy exits." Vanille hissed as she took a deep breath and continued to look down at the floor tiles. "It is a stupid procedure anyway... like the lights being out by nine. And no going out after dark to catch some light bugs... and then the embargo on sugar since someone let the pyros know there was a cool reaction where you can make table sugar explode." Vanille continued to muttered.

"I'll admit it was kind of dumb to tell Palom that... but how was I meant to know he'd tell the pyros that. And he apologised. So why do we even have that stupid rule?"

Sighing the woman walked towards the door, just holding it open as she could see the red haired teen walking towards it. "It is in place for the same reason as we don't let people like you sign yourselves out. It is for everyone's safety." Rosa said as she started to lead the teen towards the heart of the building.

Walking up to the elevator, the garnet eyed woman smiled at the fact there was at least one worry off her mind. At the very least Vanille was going to be at least a lot safer when alone. There wouldn't even be a need to do frequent checks on her to make sure there were no new spontaneous burns that just appeared out of nowhere on her body. And there was still the option to lock the new door and she couldn't find a way to get out of.

"Do you really need to remove Fang's visitations? Can't you take the blankets?" Vanille asked softly as she could see the doctor press one of the buttons.

"It is illegal for us to take your blankets, and even if it wasn't I doubt you would learn the lesson of we are just trying to help you." Rosa stated as the elevator came to a stop and the doors parted. "Sazh, can you go and open room five zero five." Rosa continued as the orderly walked past the female duo, just grasping the key the head doctor had held out.

As they could see the man round the corner Rosa took a deep breath as she turned towards Vanille. "But I'll make a deal with you. Provided you don't break the rules, and that you start taking your medication again, for a whole month from today I will give you back the visitation rights, and I'll even gladly sign the paperwork to allow you on the next outing." Rosa spoke as she could see the gleam develop in the emerald eyes, earning an internal laugh for her. "However, like all deals there is a drawback. If you break any rule, if you fail to take any medication, you will lose your call privileges and be grounded for a further six months. So what do you say?"

Taking a deep breath, Vanille looked at the doctor and frowned. "Can I have it in writing? Fang taught me well enough to always get deals in writing. Especially when they are that good."

"I'll write it up once you go into your new room. That way you have time to chew it over Vanille. Because if you do take it and fail, you will need to earn back all them. A feat that you clearly are finding hard as is." Rosa continued gesturing down the hallway for the red haired woman to follow the path the orderly had lead.

"Yeah, but I don't need books... or tv and movie time... or even desserts. But I need Fang. That is the only reason I'm not full blown crazy. And make my breakout attempts better." Vanille said with a smile as she took a small skip around the corner. Stopping once she witness the newer model rooms. Walking into the room, Vanille started to scan the room.

Stopping as she turned around fully, Vanille stared into the doctor's eyes again. "Um... Doctor Farrell... out of curiosity... um... what if I get cold? Where is the heat going to come from?"

Smiling as she took a step into the room and looked around just smiling that her hunch was correct. As she looked up she just loved the sight of the teen following her to stare at a series of metallic interlacing squares.

"These rooms were just redone, and there was enough budget to have this floor's heating change from water to air. Hopefully the entire place will be on a central air system. It should reduce the amount of staff we have dedicated to our burn ward. But if that is all Vanille, it is late, lights out was two hours ago."

"No... when can I go to get my clothes and items from my old room?" Vanille stated plopping down onto her new bed. Loathing the fact that she now couldn't hear that sizzle anymore unless she was moved back down to one of her old rooms.

"After breakfast. While we are at it, we will do just a contraband sweep. And don't worry if we do find any it won't count towards our deal. You would have had them before it was made." Rosa said with a smile as Vanille nodded almost absent mindedly. Something that she knew what it was about, it still just made her feel a lot better that she might have finally found a way to break through to the teen that she wasn't there to make her life hard. She only wanted to help.

"Okay. I've got no other questions." Vanille spoke as she bounced lightly on her seat. Just happy that she had been at least guaranteed that anything they found in her room that might have been a rule break wasn't going to instantly disqualify her from getting her visits with Fang being stripped from her, and she'd even be allowed to go with the groups on the next trip outside the facility.

She'd be finally able smell freedom and not be dragged back to an office where she'd be scolded for just wanting to get out from these walls. That was all she really wanted if she couldn't get out from there by Fang signing or the institute giving her permission to sign herself out. If she could get the both of those then she'd be happy.

"Okay, good night Vanille." Rosa said as she turned around, walking out as she closed the door.

' _Etro be damned... they always find a way to make my life a nightmare. But at least at the end of all of this I'll be able to get visits with Fang. I mean how hard is it to not break any rules?_ '

* * *

Yawning as she took a step into her slippers. Vanille just yawned as she started to walk out of the room. She felt a little smile grow as she could see the silver haired boy walking out of the room across from the hall. A slight skip in his step seemingly robbed as he noticed the woman standing there rubbing her eyes.

"I thought you were making a break for it last night?" The silver haired boy asked as the red haired teen just shook her head. "You got caught didn't you? What did they take this time?"

"If I didn't know any better, and don't tell this to the noids, but I swear they have a tracking chip implanted into me. But I cut a deal with Doctor Farrell. We just need to cross the 'I's and dot the 'T's... drop a few droplets of blood... sacrifice a goat to please Pulse... and do the secret handshake." Vanille said gesturing towards the elevator, a smile as she caught her hands behind her back. A large smile as she started to hum some nonsense tune. "All I need to do is follow the rules for a month and take the antidepressants and mood regulators... and antibiotics for the burns."

As they waited for the elevator to arrive, Vanille couldn't help but ignore the laugh coming from the teen as the waiting seemed to just drag on. "Good luck Van. You'll need it."

"I can totally do this Hope. You just need to stop being a pessimist. And I swear if you bring up that time Yuna trusted me during the arts and crafts after she said air bubbles cause explosions... I was curious to see if it was true." Vanille said in her defence as she started to walk into the metal box.

"I was going to say that time you taught the pyros about the sugar that causes fireballs." Hope laughed a little as he took a deep breath, taking a step to just outside the hyperactive teen's immediate reach.

"That wasn't me. That was Palom. And you are the one dummy that actually did it and got that sugar ban. Speaking of which, if you have any contraband in your room you may want to make it vanish. They are going to be doing a sweep in like an hour. Tell the gang but not Palom... then everyone will know. Tell Porom." Vanille said with a smile as the silver haired boy just nodded his head.

"Why is it you always know when they are doing searches? Not that I'm complaining, but a lot of the stuff is hard to get back in." Hope asked as Vanille just smiled at him as the doors opened. "Did you make a deal with Lindzei?"

Smiling as she started to walk down the hallway, her smile seemingly never falling as she started to push open the door to the cafeteria. Already enjoying the smell that filled her nose. "Nope, it just pays getting dragged into an office of a higher up late at night. Also hinders but that is something I can easily deal with. Just takes some minor deals with the devil."

Skipping into the line of patients lining up grabbing a tray so they can plop the plates down for breakfast. Sighing as she looked towards her friend who seemed to have been out of breath from the short distance to get into the line.

"Looks like it is pancake day... sweet. Maybe this day really won't be bad... if I can just get through the disciplinary meeting with Yuna today." Vanille said with a smile as she started to inch forward in the line, grabbing one of the plastic trays.

"Isn't she on Cocoon for a few more days for a personal thing? Or at least that's what she said during the last group." Hope said as he grabbed one of the trays.

"Forgot about that... then I just need to make it through Rosa... why does that seem worse? Because that seems a lot worse." Vanille asked rhetorically as she smiled at the sight of the delicious stacks of fluffy disk. She could feel her mouth water at the sight. She just felt so much better that she'd actually get some this week and not get some oatmeal that had probably been sitting on the stove for hours.

Everything really was starting to come up Vanille and she was excited about it. Even if it was just a stack of fluffy disks to start her day. Ignoring the comments coming from Hope, Vanille started to count the number of plates and thanked all that was holy that they had just enough to get past her and Hope.

Smiling as she accepted the plate and placed it down on the tray. Everything was going to be perfect and nothing was going to ruin her mood. Quickly sliding down the line to grab the plastic bottle filled with an orange liquid. Everything was great.

Nearly skipping her way, tray in hand towards one of the tables, a smile ever present as she took a seat. Loving the sight of Hope just behind her with a smile. As she got comfortable, she just grasped the plastic fork and knife from the stack.

As she was about to dig in, she frowned at the sight of the two brown haired preteens walking over to the table. She could see one of the trays holding a stack of the delicious brown disks and the other with a bowl.

Watching as they sat down, Vanille bit the inside of her cheek as she looked at the slightly saddened look on the girl's face. Deciding to throw caution into the wind, Vanille spoke up. "What is the matter Porom?"

"They didn't have any pancakes left... they'd need to make more so I got stuck with oatmeal" the small girl said as she picked up the spoon and started to stir the sludge.

Sighing internally, Vanille grabbed her tray and the younger girl's tray and quickly slid them between each other. Ignoring the look on the preteen's face, Vanille reached for the spoon still in her hand as she got comfortable once again and started to give it a good stir.

"But Vanille you like pancakes... and hate oatmeal."

"Just not in the mood for pancakes... you should eat them while they are hot though." Vanille lied as she picked up a spoon of the greyish mush and plopped it into her mouth as she could see the child's face light up as she grasped the knife and started to cut the disks.

Glancing down Vanille just sighed as she dipped the spoon back in. Thinking a simple thing ' _She'll enjoy them a lot more than I would anyway._ '


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

' _ **Hey Light... do you ever wonder?'**_

"Wonder what? And I swear if you want me to make some stupid obscure thing you know of, I'm going to skip the repeated dislocations and just go straight to the bone breaking." Lightning muttered as she picked up one of the small triangles of a cookie and some of the ice cream up.

' _ **Okay... ignoring the more pressing question of why you are talking out loud to me. But have you ever just wondered what it would take to get your sister to cry for seemingly a day and a half? Because that annoying sound is either her crying for that long with that moron trying to console her and doing a bad job... or there is a leak somewhere in the plumbing. Either way I find it a little annoying.'**_

Sighing loudly as she stopped her stretching towards the plate. "What would be the point of being silent and just thinking it when they already know I'm crazy. I mean I'm going to be leaving in like what ten hours? That is probably just sinking in for her. Now can we not talk about Serah? She is going to continue to cry and possibly try a fifth round of trying to talk me out of it like I can actually stand being around him... and even if I could stand being around him, I don't have a say in if I go or not."

' _ **Fine... go back to brooding. I think however if you want us to get laid... the first thing you should figure out is... are we a circle? Or a triangle? Or some weird mashup of the two... a cirangle... a trircle... a doggo? Not going to tell you which one I'm rooting for our new shape.'**_

Ignoring the comment, Lightning turned towards the bowl and smiled as she could see the sugary mass was nearly gone. She couldn't believe herself in the fact that she had already made two in as many days and devoured two.

Learning her lesson from the first one seemingly, Lightning grabbed the spoon and started to scope out some of the ice cream that had already melted. She could just imagine what her sister would be screaming at her if she saw her eating another one of these bombs of sugar.

' _ **No guesses? None at all? Come on Light... give me just one. A tiny one... a teensy tiny one...'**_

"Knowing you, you'd want 'doggo' to be the name of the shape. Now can I get back to what could possibly be the last shred of being normal before I get dragged to a padded room?" Lightning whispered as she could hear the sounds in the house subside almost entirely.

' _ **Lucky guess.'**_

She already knew they were like waves, and they would come back. But for now she was just going to enjoy the late night silence. It was just so much better than needing to deal with her sister.

The silence, Lightning just had no idea why but for a long time she knew when it was just her and the voice in her head in silence, everything just seemed so much more bearable. She didn't know why nor did she really care. All she knew was that it just seemed perfect.

If she had to be honest, the only way the silence could be better was if she didn't have that extra voice in her head... but if she had to have it, she would gladly take it in the silence. The sugar she supposed that she was eating just helped with how nightmarish her foreseeable future really was. She'd be all but doomed to just pop pills and become a vegetable that was meant to talk about her feelings. All of that was just something that she was not looking forward to.

Taking up the final spoonful, Lightning slipped it into her mouth and just smiled as she closed her eyes and tried to savour it. The way the silky pseudo melted treat flowed down her throat just caused her to smile a small smile. One that would have thankfully gone unnoticed if anyone had seen her at that moment.

A smile that was robbed as she could hear the front door closing causing her to just groan meaning that it most likely meant that Serah was going to come in and do the final part of the sudden tradition that she started to hate a lot more than the videos she was forced to be in for propaganda for Dysley.

"Claire... can we talk?" Lightning heard the timid voice ask as she could feel her mask be placed back on as she took a deep breath.

Gesturing towards the seat across from her, Lightning just smirked a little as she could see the smaller pink haired woman quickly walk around and taking the seat. Wanting to snap her sister from the tirade that she just knew was coming, the older Farron sister spoke up. "Serah, I don't have a choice but to go... that shrink wasn't wrong. I do hear a voice. One that is seldom nice."

' _ **Flattery will get you**_ _ **nowhere**_ _ **Missy. Unless you plan to sit on your hand for a while then give yourself a friendly stranger. I mean... that can work, but the more pressing fact is what shape are we? Care to weigh in? Maybe Serah can help. She is the smart one after all.'**_

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." Lightning seethed just above a whisper but from the reaction she could see from her sister out of the corner of her eye she knew that Serah thought that statement was directed at her. "That wasn't at you Serah."

"So you trying to stab yourself the other day? Was that um... the voice telling you to... uh...do it?" Serah's timid voice almost brought a chuckle to Lightning as she pushed the bowl towards her as if offering her some of the food silently.

"No. I was trying to get some silence." Lightning spoke as she could see her sister looking over the bowl trying to figure out what it was.

As soon as realisation hit Serah, Lightning smiled as she started to grab some of the cookies and candied fruit. A smile stretched across her face as she took the bite. "I haven't had dessert nachos in a long time... I think the last one was the one you made the night before that trip." Serah said as a mask of gloom started to over take her features.

"I don't even remember that. I'm sure it was a great memory... but Serah, I've told you... I had to forget about a lot. It made the beatings a lot easier. But glad to know the voice in my head isn't making something up just to piss me off." Lightning said in her defence as she could see Serah just look up at her with some tears starting to spill a little.

' _ **Uh Oh... you said something you shouldn't have. But what was it? God maybe your sister should be the one going from being just too emotional. I mean you break our arm, she freaks out. You punch windows shredding our arms she freaks out. You nearly stab our arms she freaks out. You give her some of our food and she freaks out.'**_

Ignoring the voice the best she could as she stared at her sister waiting for some sort of indication as to the reason of the tears. She just hoped that the voice wasn't right and she said something that would set her sister off like that.

"Don't be gone for five years again Claire... I don't want to lose you for that long. And promise that you'll call." Serah got out as she nearly jumped across the table to wrap her arms around Lightning and squeezing as tight as she could. She really didn't want to run the risk of this being the last time she'd get a chance to hug her sister.

She didn't really know what was setting Serah off that bad, making her think it was going to be a permanent thing. Not that she wouldn't put it past her father making it permanent just so they wouldn't need to see each other.

As the air started to rush out of Lightning's throat, she started to worm her hands between her sister's arms and her windpipe so she could at least get some air flowing. Letting the oxygen rush down into her lungs, she just smiled softly at the feeling.

"Serah, I promise." Lightning mustered out as she could see her sister relaxing and staring into her eyes. "Not to mention I know you've probably already read the same rule book I did and know that I do get visits and I know you will crucify me if I promised that and didn't. Short of the privilege being stripped from me I will call you like once every other week." Lightning continued as she tried to squirm away from her sister's glare digging into her soul.

"Once every few days." Serah countered as Lightning just met the woman's gaze now. The challenge in trying to strike a deal with her sister was just so tempting. Especially if she could possibly go to once every few months.

"Three times a month." Lightning said as she felt her sister grab her hand preventing any escape short of her hurting Serah. Something that even now just seemed like she couldn't do it. She wanted to, just so she could get away but she couldn't do it.

"Once a week and the second you settle in. Other wise I will fake like I'm suicidal at the idea of how my big sister who I had gotten back just a few years ago is being forced away from me again. And then I'll be admitted and really mad." Serah said chilling Lightning who just seemed to slump at that notion. She wouldn't put it past her sister doing something like that, but that didn't make it any better.

"Fine. But I need to go finish getting packed. Auron is picking me and Yuna up and dropping us off at the train station at eight." Lightning said standing glad that her sister had let go of her hand so she could now theoretically run if she really wanted to. She knew that she could out run her sister if she really wanted to.

"Okay Claire... I'll clean this up and then bring you down some of my special hot cocoa. Then you should go to sleep... especially because from what I researched it is like a day and a half long train ride. And I know how you don't find it easy to sleep comfortably on a train." Serah said as Lightning just shook her head and started to walk out of the room.

As she opened her bedroom door, she smiled as she stared into the darkness that was her room. She could feel some comfort develop. There was no mystery to her why that was but she also knew that she should hurry it up.

Walking down the stairs, smiling as she felt the rush of air behind her as she came to a stop at the base of the staircase, she just took a deep breath of the cold damp air. She already knew that the next part was going to be easy.

Turning to the light switch, Lightning flicked it. As the light illuminated the corners of her room, the teen could feel the smile being robbed from her as she walked over to the large duffel bag she had.

Picking it up and tossing it onto her bed, she knew that this would be the last time for a while that she'd be in this room. "You've been pretty quiet. What are you plotting?"

' _ **Nothing... I just remembered why I constantly flip flop in why we should kill Serah. Her hot cocoa is delicious... but she is so annoying with her feelings. Ah well back to thinking about our shape... is there a single sided shape?'**_

"I'm going to start ignoring you now so I don't forget anything." Lightning muttered as she pulled the zipper opening the large compartment stacked with almost all of her clothes. The few that she actually enjoyed to wear for more than a few seconds at a time specifically. By all respects she could have been done with that.

Unlike last time however when she was ripped from her sister and by extension her family... this time she could actually prepare some of the memories. And at the very least not have an issue remembering their names once she got back.

Walking over to the single picture she had in her room, she just smiled at the sight of it being her and Serah when they were younger. Probably the only memory she clawed to keep during her stint in hell. It was the only memory where she was genuinely happy with how her life was going.

Smiling as she picked up the frame she was saddened that she couldn't take the entire thing as is, but she supposed it was better to have the picture if nothing else. Flipping the frame over, she started to bend the small pieces of metal up so she could slip the velvet covered card stock out.

Grabbing the near ancient photo, Lightning smiled a genuine smile as she rested it carefully on her desk so she could reassemble the frame. Wiping the smile from her face, Lightning grabbed the photo and walked over to the drawers of her desk. Opening the top one where she could see the empty notebook Yuna had given her yesterday.

Knowing that she'd probably be questioned if she didn't take it, Lightning just grabbed it and closed the drawer before walking over to the duffel bag and slipping them in amongst her clothes. Taking extra care to make sure the photo would be protected in case the bag got wet.

' _ **Huh... I thought surely we had more stuff we cherished... but everything including clothes we like except the ones we are wearing fit in into one bag. Light? Are we poor?'**_

"No. If we were I'd have no doubt we'd be dead. It is just all I want and care to take." Lightning muttered as she quickly pulled the zipper closed. Hoisting the bag up, she quickly walked the short distance back towards her desk and plopped it down.

Walking back over to her bed, she took a seat and started to shift her way towards the corner where she just smiled at the sound of footsteps walking towards her door.

' _ **Come on... do we not even have a single book? I thought we owned at least one? Are you positive we aren't poor?**_

"Those aren't ours... now seriously shut up, or I will dislocate both of my arms and pass out from the pain."

"Please don't do that Claire... I brought my special hot cocoa." Serah said softly balancing the tray in her hand the best she could as she started to walk down the stairs. Looking up, Lightning frowned a little internally at the sight of two mugs on the tray meaning one thing to her. That Serah wanted to continue their talk.

Ignoring the wolf whistling that she heard that she knew was towards the drink, Lightning held her hands out so Serah could at least sit down and get comfortable. She just knew that this was going to be one of the precious 'sister' talks that Serah always wanted from her, but the truth remained that it didn't come at all that easily to her.

As Serah got comfortable, her legs crossed to form a small table as she pulled the tray from Lightning's hands gently to place it down on her lap before she thrusted a mug into Lightning's hands. And smiled as she could see the faint ghostings of a smile perk up at the corner of the taller of the duo's lips.

"Serah... If you want to have one of those annoying chats... can we not? I'm not interested in anyone, you are still with that douche. And we already talked about how I don't have a choice in the matter about going tomorrow upstairs." Lightning said just really wanting to slam the hot drink and then go to sleep.

"I want to spend time with my big sister okay. And one day you'll find that guy or girl... or both that you like just as much as I like Snow." Serah said in her defence as she blew to try and cool the chocolate lava in her hands before taking a tiny sip.

' _ **Huh... I guess that is two votes for doggo.'**_

"I am _not_ a doggo!" Lightning snapped as she could see Serah jump a little from the outburst to be replaced with slight laughter.

"I assume that isn't directed towards me again... but I certainly wish you aren't a doggo... you aren't cuddly enough nor do you have a smooshable face like any puppy."

' _ **Huh... I guess that is where we know that word from. Either way drink up.'**_

Grumbling under her breath, Lightning took a mouthful of the hot drink. Ignoring the best she could the scalding liquid as she swallowed it just enjoying the pain she was in. Lowering the mug she stared into the half of her drink that remained.

"If you don't mind me asking... what was with the outburst about not being a doggo about?" Serah asked softly as Lightning could just hear faux gagging sounds.

"It is complicated... and I really don't want to have to explain it. But long story short the voice is calling me a circle and triangle mix and named said shape a 'doggo'." Lightning muttered as Serah just nodded idly. "And you now think I'm fully crazy. It's okay to just say it."

"No it isn't that... I just assumed knowing you that a voice inside your head would be just as philosophical. Not... thinking about shape names." Serah said as Lightning shook her head and downed what remained of her mug before placing it onto the tray that stayed on her sister's lap.

"That was good Serah... But I'm tired and have a long day ahead of me..." Lightning said softly as her sister pressed her lips into a thin line as she moved the tray off her lap and placed her own mug down before she reached across and wrapped Lightning in a hug.

"I'm going to miss you Claire... I promise first chance I get I'll visit you and get all the information I'd need to send you letters... I don't want you to think you are alone."

' _ **Oh god... that is so corny I think I'm going to get sick...'**_

Biting her lip a little to remember that if she responded it would raise some questions for Serah, Lightning thought a simple thing. _'You can't get sick. You are a voice inside my head.'_

' _ **We're about to find out who is right if this continues...'**_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

Sitting up, Lightning started to rub her eyes as she took a deep breath and just scanned the room. Enjoying the darkness. Shifting her blanket, she couldn't help but smile at the fact that she was finally going to be away from all of this. All of this hell and be able to at the very least stay committed for a long time. Maybe even to the end of her father's natural life span.

' _ **Hey Light... when you are going to do the enevitable look through to make sure you have everything... can we stash some alcohol in there? I mean if we really want to keep it we can hide it up our pooper... I feel a doggo like you would be into that.'**_

"If I can ever shut you up for more than a drug induced nap... I will be happy." Lightning seethed as she walked over and quickly started to unzip the pocket to make sure everything was inside. She could hear some minor snickering as she could see a folded up piece of paper she recognised.

It was the same frilly pink sheets of paper that made up Serah's diary and notebooks as a whole. Groaning in unison with the voice in her head she picked it up and started to unfold the page that seemed to have been folded into knots to keep it close.

Finally being victorious in the fight, Lightning just groaned and ignored the laughing as she recognised she was staring at the back of whatever her sister's intention was.

_Claire,_

_I know the next while will be really hard on you. It is going to be hard on us here as well. We all care for and love you... and even if you and dad may fight I know you both love each other as well._

Taking a break from reading Lightning couldn't help but feel a shiver run up her spine.

' _ **Are you sure we are meant to be the ones committed? She seems like she is missing a few screws if you ask me... not to mention if this gets any sweeter I'm going to spew chunks all over this place.'**_

"You can't. You are a disembodied voice in my head. If anything I'm the one that gets sick... you just get more annoying." Lightning stated as she turned back to the note her sister had somehow slipped in her bag while she slept. A feat that if Lightning was being honest was impressive for the simple fact of how light of a sleeper she was.

_I know you are probably laughing... but he does. Otherwise he wouldn't be wanting you to go to get better. Just please promise me Claire that you will try. I have a good feeling that you might be able to get better._

_I also promise first chance I ge_ _t;_ _which should be next weekend, to go for a visit. I don't care if I need to take the train myself. But I could probably get Snow to drive down._

' _ **Yup getting sick...'**_

"How? What part of vo-" Lightning started off before getting cut off by the sound of what she thinks is vomitting.

' _ **Oh god... It is everywhere! It is all over my pool table.'**_

Shaking her head at the fact she knew this was just one of the many ruses that the voiced used to get some sort of reaction out of her, Lightning sighed and lifted up the note her sister had left her once again. Just trying to find the spot where she had left off.

' _ **Show some damned respect Light... that was the fineest of crushed velvets. Have you ever tried to get vomit**_ **out** _ **of a pool table? The least you could do as a room mate is not make either of us sit through that annoying crap right now.'**_

Sighing figuring that this really was a case for her to choose her own battles, Lightning folded up the note the best she could and placed it back into her bag. She knew that there was going to be no winning with the voice this early in the morning.

Taking her shirt off Lightning haphazardly tossed it into her bag, ignoring the chill that took her body as she walked to the one outfit she had left out just so she'd be comfortable on what was going to be in the top of uncomfortable journeys she had ever been on.

Slipping the shirt from the stack, she pulled it on ignoring the sobbing coming from her head. She figured that it would die out eventually or find something as equally annoying to taunt her with. She wasn't sure which she would rather.

Quickly finishing the ritual for her of getting changed, Lightning bent down to pick up her pants and walked back over to the bag before tossing them in and zipping it closed for what she hopped would be the last time before she was in a padded cell.

That was what really mattered at this point. Just getting there. It was her new goal, and she'd be able to get to it easily. That is unless the voice continued this crying, making the idea of a lobotomy seem increasingly better.

"Etro be damned! It is an imaginary table. There is no vomit in it or on it. It never existed." Lightning snapped as she smiled at the crying turning into a small sniffle.

' _ **Not everything is about you being crazy! This is very real to me. How would you feel if I called your sister imaginary? Or those dessert nachos? Or your mother's love? Or your father's love...? scratch that last one. I don't know what came over me. So just give me this one thing...'**_

"Fine. Just stop crying. It is grating on my nerves more than normal." Lightning said in a softer tone glad that she at least seemed like she had a victory. Even if it did appear to be a draw. It was still a victory to her considering how long they have fought over anything. And now she'd be able to have some peace and quite before the next stupid thing.

' _ **To send it off... I will sing it, its favourite song. "When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you."'**_

"You've got to be kidding me." Lightning sighed already realising where this was going to go. Trying to ignore the tune as she grabbed her bag and started to ascend the stairs. She knew that at this point there was no winning in acknowledging the voice.

She was just going to need to sit through the song for a bit longer. Opening the door, Lightning couldn't help but smile as she heard the silence reverberating through the house. Everything was going to go by perfectly if she could just make it the remaining half an hour.

' _ **And if I haver, hey, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you. But I would walk five hundred miles, and I would walk five hundred more.'**_

Biting her lip as she placed the bag down by the door, she found it weird that the voice was going intentionally slow and off key just to get some sort of reaction and she'd be damned if she'd allow that.

Walking into the kitchen Lightning just frowned a little at the sight of the sun coming up. She knew with that the darkness she found comfort in was going to leave. She'd be left with very little to comfort her besides what was in the duffel bag by the door.

Smiling at the sight of the muffins she had been forced to make the previous morning still seemed to be just fine.

' _ **Just To bE tHe MaN who walked a ThousAND Miles to FaLl DOWn at YOuR DooR'**_

"Okay, I know you are doing this to get on my nerves. But seriously why are you off key? Not even by a little. The song is in 'E' and you are singing in 'A Minor' and don't get me started on the drifting between them. But slowing it down? Your making an already annoying song so much more annoying." Lightning seethed as she grabbed one of the muffins from the stack and stormed over to the table.

Plopping into the seat, Lightning started to break apart parts of the muffin before placing some of the blueberry laden clusters into her mouth. Ignoring some of the crying that had started to fill her head once again. Secretly hoping that if the voice was able to manifest a fake table that it could also manifest real tears and drown in them.

' _ **Have you ever wondered how we know the difference? And with perfect recognition? Anyways back to the song... I owe it to that beautiful table. Where was I again...?'**_

"No I haven't. It is kind of common knowledge I assume." Lightning deadpanned as she closed her eyes as she could hear the humming of the tune as though she'd get to the answer any sooner. Sighing once more as she broke off another piece, Lightning placed it into her mouth waiting for the voice to just give up.

Once that seemed to be failing, Lightning sighed again as she knew the only way out of having that tune stuck in her head all day was just for the voice to finish the song. "'When I'm working, yes, I know I'm gonna be' sing it in key and on time or I swear I'm going to give us a concussion." Lightning stated as she broke off more of the muffin, just glancing towards the clock.

' _ **Ah, Light. You always treat us so good... now did you say it was in G?'**_

"Now you are just deliberately trying to piss me off. And it is working might I add." Lightning snapped standing up from her seat, causing a bit more noise than she had previously intended, but that didn't really stop her.

' _ **Right it is in E. Thanks Light. Looks like however you should start walking towards the door...'**_

Grumbling under her breath once again, Lightning shoved the last part of the muffin into her mouth. Just wanting to get this over with at this point. Especially if it meant that she'd be able to get some peace and quiet.

Even if it meant sleeping on one of the unsafest places she could think of. That being a train. But it would do her a lot better than just sitting down and getting ready to test the sturdiness of the table by smacking her head repeatedly against it until either her head or the table gave way.

Stepping into the slip on shoes she was glad that she hadn't thrown out just yet, Lightning turned around and took stock of the house. Feeling happy with herself that she'd be able to hopefully come back to this place with at least slightly better memories than last time.

At least she knew this time where she was in standing with her dad, and there was no real way he could cause her more pain at this point. There was no cloth obstructing her gaze, she knew that she was the after thought. The only upside was that Serah was going to visit at least this time.

Grabbing her bag, Lightning opened the door, and walked out. Closing it gently as she tossed the bag down by the steps. The pink haired teen smiled as she could smell the morning dew. Walking over the few feet she started to take a seat.

Leaning over to rest her head against one of the pillars, Lightning just closed her eyes and wanted to enjoy what remained of the darkness. Even if she had to share it with the voice, and even if said voice was going to sing a song purposely to get on her nerves.

Hearing the door behind her open, Lightning ignored the soft slipper covered foot steps walking towards her. She figured it was going to be Serah. And she just knew that if she was going to look then she'd just demand her to go back in.

"Light? Are you sure you don't want to wait inside? You'll catch a cold out here."

"I'm fine. I have thick clothes on and Auron shouldn't be longer." Lightning spoke softly as she took a moment to just get comfortable again. A little surprised it was her mother that came out. But she supposed it wasn't the worst option.

Seemingly ignoring her daughter's words, Mary took a step down to sit next to her eldest daughter. She knew that this was going to be tough on her, but she also knew that if the psychiatrist that suggested it was right, then she'd need it.

Raising her hand a little, Mary was left feeling unsure how she was meant to console her daughter. Lightning had already made it painfully clear to all that she'd rebuke even the slightest advance towards her short of it being from Serah, even to the point that she didn't even like the name they had given her.

Sighing internally she lowered her hand, and quickly pulled it into her lap. She knew that Lightning had to have been cold if she was freezing herself, but she also didn't want to force her into the house. She still remembered the few times they tried that shortly after the fall of Dysley.

Hell even now she was unsure of how she was meant to talk to her. Their conversations had always been intentionally short and to the point. All she felt like she could do was sit down and enjoy the soft tune Lightning seemed to be humming. She wasn't even sure if it was something that Lightning even was aware that she was doing it, but was just glad that it seemed like she wasn't going to give up on music.

That was until she recognised the tune her daughter was humming. "Is that 'I'm gonna be'? I only ask because It seems like a strange choice to hum."

Biting her lip harshly to try and stem the annoyance that was plaguing her, Lightning took a deep breath as she opened her eyes and looked towards her mother. "It comes with being crazy apparently. I don't even have full control over my thoughts. But you should probably go in. Serah doesn't need you sick... and she spent most of last night crying." Lightning said calmly as she could almost swear she could see her mother develop a hurt expression on her face.

"I'll be fine." Her mother began as she turned her head to stare into her daughter's troubled eyes. It was clear that she was going to need to face a number of fears and discomforts that had only manifested since she was gone. "And Serah just doesn't want to lose her big sister again. She still keeps that photo of the two of you on the beach on her nightstand." The way she continued she knew she was dancing on egg shells for the simple fact of the promise they all made to not bring up Bodhum around Lightning. And all she did was jump into that minefield.

"It is different this time. This time I'm not being kidnapped and there isn't any genocidal warmonger on a path to kill everyone to achieve Nirvana. So she doesn't need to look at the news every day. If she wants to talk to me or see me she seems to know a lot more of the details about it than I do." Lightning spoke as she could see a car driving up the long road.

Knowing who it was going to be, Lightning stood up and looked towards her mother. Shockingly she could feel a small tug that she'd miss her as well, but if Lightning was being honest, than she'd forget about that. She had proven to herself before that she could forget about her easily. All it would take is enough time and then she'd forget about her.

"Can you go in now? I'm minutes away from getting into a car. I already promised Serah once I'm settled in I'll call the house if I can. Everything is going to be fine." Lightning's stoic face never shifting as she could see her mother standing up from the step she had been sitting on. The look of near exhaustion in the both of them was obvious, but both seemingly would rather ignore that.

Mary could just assume it was from how Lightning clearly didn't sleep well because of the uncomfortable way she'd be going. But there was one thing that she knew always helped Lightning in the past. But she hadn't even allowed it to happen in a long time.

"Can I have a hug Light?" Mary asked softly knowing that it would probably be the last time she'd be able to hug her daughter like she used to. Especially with Lightning's record of leaving the family and coming back different.

Lightning stared into her mother's eyes and knew that she was tired, from what she'd assume was being happy with her father as to the fact they were going to be able to get rid of her in a legal manner. One where they'd be considered the good parents for doing.

' _ **Go on Light... one hug won't kill you. I mean it isn't like back stabbing has killed anyone ever.'**_

' _Weren't you signing?'_ Lightning thought as she took the few small steps and wrapped her mother in a small hug. She wasn't sure if it was clear or not with how uncomfortable she was with it. But she knew that it was going to be obvious with how short she wanted it to be.

All the arms ensnaring her did was make her feel that much uneasier. She knew that if the older woman wanted to, she could end Lightning's life. Something that if she was pushed she could find some cons to, but on the surface there was only pros.

"Okay that is enough." Lightning said as she pulled back, ignoring the small shiver up her spine at the feeling of the hands slipping past it. She was confused as to when did they even get that close. She wasn't sure when it had happened but that didn't matter. Her escape was there.

As she turned she could see Auron standing by the open trunk. Reaching down, Lightning picked up her bag and started to walk down the small distance handing it to the man. As she turned around she could see her mother had walked just into the threshold of the door.

' _ **So... know any good road trip songs?'**_

The voice said as Lightning walked around to one of the rear passenger doors and opened it crawling into a seat as she just closed her eyes and smiled at the silence that filled her ears.

' _ **No? Well I guess we've got to go with a tried and true one. Join in if you know the words, which I think we both know you do. When I wake up, well I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you'**_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

' _ **So Light, are you positive that we can't jump out now? I mean the train isn't even moving. And we both know the type of thoughts we get when we are on a train.'**_

"It is the only option for us... it is either we take the train or do something we can't recover from." Lightning muttered, eyes closed as she rested her head against the window on the train. She was surprised that Yuna had been able to get them a rather spacious room.

It was a lot smaller than her room at the house given that stretched the literal floor layout, but compared to the last train she was on, the room here was as wide open as it could get. There was the bunk beds, a small table big enough for two people to sit at comfortably and even a full bathroom.

All of that compared to the last time she was on a train, in a wooden box, bound and gagged, even used at one point as a nest for bird that belonged to the man she knew far too much of.

Not that the fact she knew it wasn't going to be like that, still didn't make the long journey seem any better. If anything it made it seem worse. She was stuck on the train with someone she knew less with a voice in her head that was talking directly to her more and more instead of just blurting out suggestions of how to escape or how to feel numb in any given situation.

' _ **Come now Light... don't you just want to jump down? I mean yes we are on the second story of a train... but if we tuck and roll will be fine. We'd need to remember how to survive in the wilds because we wouldn't be welcomed back home... but it isn't that bad.'**_

"Just... shut up. I'm not running. I'll put up with this stupid fear. It isn't like I'm in that box again." Lightning mumbled as she tried to fix herself once more. Already at least a little glad that the voice had stopped it's singing of the single most annoying song in her opinion, but now that they were talking about this it was making her really wish the voice went back to singing.

Before she even realised it she could feel someone else taking the seat across from her. Opening her eyes a little she could see the smiling face of the brunette just looking at her. "I thought you could go for some tea. I also placed an order in for breakfast. There was only two options so I picked both and I'll let you choose which one you would like." The woman spoke as Lightning just grumbled a little. "Not much of a morning person I take it."

' _ **I mean... she is kind of right. We are night owls. But have I mentioned recently that I don't like her? She seems too happy all the damn time.'**_

"More so not much of a train person." Lightning started to mumble as she slid down into a comfortable position again as she reached over for the paper cup that was brought to her. Breathing on it lightly she took a sip and just smiled internally at the fact it actually didn't taste that bad.

"Sorry, if I knew I was going to talk to you or you'd be coming with me and you didn't like trains I would have rented a car." Yuna started softly as she took a small sip from her own cup. Enjoying the way the tea brought with it calmness.

Taking in the sight of the pink haired teen, Yuna couldn't help but feel a little bad that she could be causing something like that. She wasn't sure if it was from discomfort, pain or fear. For all she knew it could be all of the above, but what she did know was that there was no other option for them. They had to get through this.

"Do you mind if I ask why aren't you a train person? I only ask because most people I know love trains. They may find them a bit uneasy to stay on them for as long as we need to, but they still enjoy them." Yuna asked trying to at least figure out a way she could apply the figurative salve to make go easier. If just to make the next few days easier on Lightning because of what would be happening.

Ignoring the urge to bite her lip, Lightning just took a deep breath. Figuring it would probably be the easiest and best way to get back at the voice in her head. All she had to do was the one thing the voice hated more than her ignoring it.

"It was how I was transported with Dysley and his generals. It was also on one that my sister was torn from me. So I don't exactly have the greatest memories of trains." Lightning said as she could almost feel the corners of her mouth twitch for a smile at the loud shouting of 'no!' that followed each and every word. If anything that was more therapeutic then actually telling someone about one of her many issues. "And before you even say it, I know short of us being able to revive the dead they won't be able to do anything. But that doesn't help any."

' _ **Why!? Why must you constantly hurt me Light!? I've never intentionally hurt you!?'**_

Placing the cup back down on the table, Yuna took a deep breath as she tried to figure out how she should phrase the next part as to not tear down whatever method Lightning had been using to keep herself on the train.

"I wouldn't say that anyway. It doesn't help the situation. And I don't think anything really ever will... and if your family would have told me I would have made some sort of alternative transport for us."

' _ **Ah... isn't it adorable? She still thinks your parents love you and would let Serah speak up when it comes to your suffering. That is a rare sight... a rare sight indeed. Maybe we can top this crap cup off with her? So instead of jumping, how about punching her?'**_

Taking a deep breath, Lightning took a gulp of the hot liquid, knowing it was burning on it's way down but she couldn't exactly respond at this moment in the way she wanted to. She knew how uneasy Yuna got around her injuring herself.

All she could really do was just try and burn the voice out of her head until she had to take a plethora of drugs. Hell that would probably the case unless they could pinpoint the exact combination from the start.

Hell she'd probably be super lucky at that point. To the point that maybe that she couldn't even get what she wanted and that being to just never see her father ever again. Hell she wouldn't even care if that involved her scooping her eyes out of their sockets.

Before she could even finish the tea she felt a soft hand holding onto her wrist just lowering the paper cup down. Following the offending arm to it's owner she could see the psychiatrist's worried face looking at her. As though at any second that Lightning was going to do something stupid or dangerous.

"Please don't turn to self harm like that Lightning." Yuna said softly as they both could feel the train lurching forward.

' _ **Welp we don't have a choice now. We must punch her... grabbing you and everything like that.'**_

Shaking her head as she pulled her hand carefully from Yuna's grasp. She didn't care about the fact that she was hurting herself. It was enough to remind the voice of who was in control of the situation.

"It isn't self harm." Lightning lied as she could almost feel Yuna's eyes piercing through her. Like she knew it was a lie all along. It was actually a little disheartening that someone was going to be able to see through every one of her lies. It would make her stay there that much harder.

"Lightning... I'm a trained psychiatrist. I know what self harm looks like. The only time self harm is the correct answer is when the question is 'what is it called when you hurt yourself?' talking is almost always the correct answer when people think self harm is." Yuna countered as Lightning began to seethe internally and placed the cup onto the table.

She could already tell that it wasn't going to blow over like she wanted. Which meant that she was probably going to be forced to talk when it didn't do anything for her. All it did was weaken her position in arguments that would come in the future.

"There is nothing to talk about. I'm crazy and hear a voice. It is the only way to shut it up for prolonged periods of time."

' _ **Not really Light... and I think we both know that.'**_

Lightning wasn't sure how she was coming off to someone who was used to dealing with people like her who should really be in a special kind of jacket almost the entire time. If not just for her own safety but for everyone's safety.

Before Lightning could hear some deep response, there was a knock at the door and Yuna was quick to stand up and open it. Almost like she was finding it hard to really talk about the topic. Not that Lightning overly cared.

She really just wanted this journey to be over with. Before long she could see Yuna taking her seat again with two plates being placed down. "Your options for breakfast are pancakes with fresh fruit... or some scrambled eggs and toast." Yuna spoke as Lightning continued to look between the plates.

' _ **Ah Light... go for the eggs... because fuck fruit. I know you like it but just screw it right now.'**_

Grinning internally, Lightning reached over to the plate with the fluffy disks and pulled it towards her. Just enjoying the small moment as Yuna smiled and took her seat again, handing her a stack of bound cutlery in a napkin.

"Light, I can't imagine the things you've seen. The fears you have, or even what you are thinking. But you need to talk from this point on. If not to me, there are other staff members you can. We need to know what is going on inside your head to help." Yuna said as she placed the fork and knife onto the plate as she placed the napkin onto her lap.

"All that is happening is the voice stopped singing to try and convince me to jump out of the window. Stopped that to tell me to punch you, and then stopped that to get me to take the eggs because it didn't want fruit... but I want fruit." Lightning said trying to catch the woman up who had been nice enough to give her an option she had seldom gotten. Right now however she didn't care as she speared one of the berries, just enjoying the way the flesh of the fruit gave way to her fork.

Popping it into her mouth she looked up and frowned a little at the inquisitive look on Yuna's face. As though she was trying to figure something out that was said.

"What?" Lightning snapped from the pure irritation she was feeling. She could just barely suppress the anger she was feeling at that one action.

"Nothing... it is just not common to actually be able to talk to auditory hallucinations. And for the record where you pro hitting me or con?" Yuna asked leaning forward in her seat to look at Lightning who just started to slide down in her seat.

"I didn't want to... but it was making a compelling case until the food came here." Lightning muttered as she pierced another piece of fruit.

"Good. Please don't hit me by the way." Yuna began as she grabbed one of the squares of toast and raised it up to her mouth. Only stopping from taking a bite when a thought occurred to her. "Are you sure you want the pancakes?"

Lightning just looked up at her wondering why she would pose that question when it clicked to what she had said before that. "Yes. I actually really like fruit and pancakes. Not to mention I make more than enough scrambled eggs at home." Lightning said with a smile at how it wasn't the thinly veiled question from Yuna that she actually wanted the pancakes.

"Are you sure? If you don't mind me asking... how did they voice say it wanted the eggs? Was it like an outright 'get the eggs' or what?" Yuna asked as she lowered the piece of toast as to not eat something if Lightning wanted it.

"No. It was something more like 'go for the eggs because fuck fruit. I know you like fruit but seriously fuck it.'" Lightning said as she used the side of her fork to start cutting the pancakes up enjoying the fact Yuna decided to start eating. As though she was finally happy with the response.

' _ **Again Light? Hurting me? What did I ever do to you? If anything I should be mad at you for making me get a new pool table... but I'm not because I'm a grown up.'**_

' _You are the same age as me. And there has never been a pool table.'_ Lightning thought as she started to place some of the disk into her mouth enjoying how it tasted. Just because of how she knew the voice was going to continue to sulk.

Before long they fell into a comfortable silence of eating. It was actually a little bit more interesting to Lightning given how for once in the last few days Yuna was the first person to not look at her like she was insane from those simple comments. Not to mention she was the first person since Serah to actually value what she wanted.

It was a little jarring to her, but it was actually a nice feeling to her. She had no idea how or why it felt like it did. And if she was actually being honest, she'd actually enjoy it a lot more just if Yuna was like the rest just because in those situations she knew how to deal with the feelings that came up.

Before long the plates were clean, Lightning felt full and just smiled at the sight of the psychiatrist across from her munching on the final piece of toast that had been on her plate. Reaching towards her paper cup, Lightning took the last mouthful from the now cold tea and just glance at Yuna finishing the toast and starting to stack the plates.

Once that was done, she reached for her own cup and began to take a drink from it. Just allowing herself to enjoy the drink as Lightning placed the cup down on the stack of plates. Both a little unsure of how to really continue to talk. Eyes drifting towards one of the beds, Lightning could almost feel a call to go to it, but she just couldn't. Not right now anyways. Lowering her guard that much?

It would lead to her suffering. The kind of pain that would only lead to one place, and that would be the voice getting louder and far more convincing.

"If you want to go to sleep, you can Lightning. I need to do some minor paperwork." Yuna said as Lightning turned back to face her. As though from what she said had been the greatest insult anyone had ever told told Light.

"It is a trust thing..." Lightning said as Yuna just smiled a little at her.

' _ **Also you being a bitch thing... just constantly hurting your roommate...'**_

"I get that Light. I plan to move downstairs soon to do the paperwork. I'm only waiting for them to come and collect the dishes. After that the only time I'll be in here before it is to wake you up to see what you want for lunch because there is too much for me to pull that same trick." Yuna said a smile ever present as Lightning looked back towards the beds.

' _ **Ah... why don't you tell her the real reason you don't want to go into the bed? It is because you are afraid she is going to stab you in your sleep just like... what's her face. Gihl? Mihl? Bihl?'**_

' _Jihl... I know you know that.'_

"I'll wait for that then. I don't trust it when people say stuff like that." Lightning muttered glaring lightly at Yuna, already knowing that the woman wasn't going to blame her. It was probably the only decent thing that was going to happen at this point. Just because she knew that from the few times she had talked to Yuna that she didn't seem like the type to push any topic.

"Okay. But it could be a while." Yuna said softly as she stood up and walked over towards a satchel she had brought and pulled out a large zipped closed folder. A small smile as she walked back over to the seat. As she got comfortable, she started to pull the zipper around the rectangle shaped object and smiled at the countless notes and pages that nearly spilled out. Some of the pages Lightning recognised as the countless papers she had to fill in herself and many of them containing the brief history of the building as well as the rules.

That alone was enough to make Lightning at least a little curious until Yuna pulled out a small group of papers bound together with a pen and cap all at the same time as she closed the bound monster.

A smile as she unclipped the pen from the papers and resting them on the folder.

' _ **Maybe she is going to write a note to stick on the door saying 'crazy meanie head in here.**_ _ **D**_ _ **on't bring cookies' or something to that effect.'**_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

_As she walked into the desolate ash covered wasteland, Light just took a deep breath and stopped her trek. How long had she been walking? Was it days? Months? She couldn't tell. Looking up into the sky she could see the same sickly grey covering it just as much as it covered the land. There was no way to tell if it was even day or night at this point._

_The grey just encasing the world as a whole. She supposed that is what made it just dreadful. The constant assault of grey on grey. The only reason she knew that she wasn't walking in circles was she hadn't ran into any footprints in this stagnant_ _grey hell_ _._

_Taking another deep breath, Lightning knew that she'd eventually find where she was meant to be. She just had to stay on this path. No matter how long it had been. She'd get to where she belonged._

_Fixing her gaze back onto the path ahead of her, she just took a small breath as she raised up her foot before placing down._

_Looking further down, she had to squint to see a mass of black and pink nearly skipping towards her. Had this really been the first person she had seen since she set out on her journey? She couldn't remember. She couldn't even remember what had happened to cause this mess._

_Entering into a full sprint, Lightning could feel the wind biting into her as the blob started to gain detail. She could make out the pink was just the hair, the dress she had taken to wearing seemed to be a delicate black lace._

_Coming to a stop just in front of the person she bit her lip as she looked into the soft face of her sister. Opening her mouth to scream, Lightning could feel her voice having vanished as the woman in front of her just laughed._

" _ **Sorry Light. Your princess is in a different castle. But if you want to go to a castle anyways... you should think about waking up."**_

Bolting upright, Lightning could feel her breath coming in short gasps as she scanned the room. Trying to put together where she was. The feeling of lost isolation wasn't a new one to her. Especially when she could feel wherever she was was moving.

Taking a gulp as she seemingly caught her breath, Lightning raised a hand to rub her eyes, to force the sleep out. She couldn't even think about getting to sleep after what had just happened. The assault of her dreams. The one place she thought that same voice would never be able to touch.

Laying back down, Lightning tossed an arm over her eyes as she tried to calm down her raging heart beat. The fact she didn't know where she was, should have been worrisome. It couldn't hold a candle to the silence that filled her head.

She was used to the former, but the latter. She never had anything close to true silence; to just be left alone with her thoughts. That was the far more terror inducing than anything else could be.

"No witty comment from me nearly jumping awake?" Lightning asked the void that was the room. Just hoping that even the voice and the happiness of her sister being with her again was all just a cruel dream.

' _ **I couldn't think of anything witty. Especially after that dream. I never thought of myself looking like your sister... I should feel insulted.'**_

Smirking at that, all that remained for Lightning was for her to collect her thoughts to figure out how she was in this situation. She supposed the easy option was to talk to the devil, but that didn't make it any better really. But she could bring herself even start that conversation.

Sitting up once again, Lightning flicked the blanket that was covering her off as she jumped off the top bunk. Hoping as she looked around to jog some memory. As she looked at the table shining in the midday sun that was when it clicked to her.

"Right... I'm on my way to the looney bin..."

* * *

Glancing down at her notes, the heterochromatic psychiatrist started to spin her pen around her hand as she tried to gather the facts of the situation. That was still confusing her deeply. How was she meant to get anything done when she was worried about how she was meant to help the woman she will be travelling with.

Eyes flicking to the phone resting on the table. She knew she could get help easily. It wouldn't even be hard but she didn't know how Lightning would handle if the information drifted further than what it was needed. And if when Yuna met her for the first time was anything to go off of, she couldn't really afford something like that happening.

Raising the pen to her lips, she bit down on the far end as her eyes resituated on her sparse notes. How did she only have half a page of writing? She had long conversations with Lightning. Deciding at this point until she had more to work off of. Namely the tendency for self harm. She didn't know where it came from but she was positive that she didn't want it to continue.

"Okay. Next time we have a talk, I'll try and figure out the root of that." Yuna said as she looked up to see Lightning walking towards the table she sat at. The only thought as Lightning took a seat was that at least there was a chance she could scratch one thing off the 'to-do' list early.

"I thought you were going to sleep?" Yuna asked as she started to close the folder over and gestured for a waiter.

"I got some. I told you I'm not much of a train person." Lightning said rubbing her eyes again as Yuna just gave her a lopsided smile.

' _ **Every time you lie Light, it just hurts us and your family...'**_

Seeing the bags starting to set in under her eyes, Yuna couldn't help but feel terrible for the woman. She didn't want her to get into a worse state than she already was. Hell at this point Yuna was tempted to call Light's parents and chew them out for not telling her that their already damaged daughter didn't feel comfortable with trains.

Taking a deep breath, she smiled as the waiter came over and smiled at them. "Can we have two mochas please?" Yuna asked as the man started to tap away at the tablet in his hands, Yuna quickly turned to Lightning and just took in her appearance once again. "And... I know this is an odd request given the time of day... but do you have anything sweet like brownies?"

' _ **I just got a great idea Light! A marvellous idea! Dessert nachos... but instead of cookies use brownies... ah we need to try this. Just need to find the kitchen.'**_

Slumping down on the table, arms wrapping over one another, Light just knew she couldn't ignore this. "That wouldn't work. The brownie would need to be too dense or become logged with everything and become mush." Lightning muttered as she could just see the man walking off as she turned her gaze to Yuna.

' _ **Oopsie... someone said something out loud that they probably shouldn't have... now we have to play twenty questions... go with the Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expect the Spanish Inquisition.'**_

As Light waited for a response the woman across from her leaned forward, placing her elbows on the table and her head into her palms. "What wouldn't work?" Yuna asked with a smile on her face as if she hadn't just heard the woman talking to herself. Not that she was overly concerned about it.

That fact alone seemed to boggle Lightning's mind further. That and the smile starting to slip a little as she met the teen's gaze. "You aren't thinking about hurting people again are you?" Yuna whispered as though she had just seen seven magpies.

' _ **Eighteen more to go...'**_

"No... just something the voice said... it was a stupid idea that even on paper would never work." Lightning said ignoring the tutting sounds that the voice had started. She already knew what it was about. Namely her ruining the _game_ the voice thought this was.

There was actually something to Yuna that just made Lightning spoiling the voice's fun that much more satisfying. She had no idea as to why it was, but that was the case. It was actually a little funny in its own right to Lightning.

She knew that there was going to be some form of retribution but, that wasn't nearly as bad to Light. Something she wouldn't mind putting up with really if it just meant that she could get some laughs at the voice's expense.

"That doesn't really answer the question." Yuna said as she could see Lightning just chewing her lip as though she was contemplating telling her anything.

"Promise not to laugh at how childish it seems." Lightning said as Yuna just smiled at her once again.

"I pinky promise."

Hearing that single comment, typically would have caused Lightning to punch anyone that wasn't her sister, but she couldn't seem to bring herself to do that one thing. She had promised her sister inadvertently that she'd be able to visit in a matter of days, and this woman could tank all that. Possibly without feeling bad about it.

"It wanted me to make dessert nachos substituting cookies with brownies." Lightning said and tensed up, just expecting laughter but was surprised when she looked to see Yuna chewing her lip as though she was trying to figure out how to process that. "It is a dish apparently my sister and I would eat... it is where you use the cookies as chips, layer up sundae stuff on top... and that is about it."

Giggling a little at the clarification, Yuna held her hands up to mean she meant no offence but the sight of Lightning tensing up at the action was clear as to what she was assuming. "It isn't at what you think. I promise." Yuna said as she raised a hand to cover her mouth, hoping that would correct the laughing a little followed by some deep breaths. "It is because that sounds wildly unhealthy and you don't seem like the type. You seem like the type that would eat nothing but superfoods and do hours of working out every day."

Sulking further as she slumped down in her seat, Light just stared at her. She wasn't exactly happy with that answer but she had to continue the mantra of 'Serah's visit' over and over. It was the only thing that was holding her back at this point.

"I'm sorry, that was very rude of me. I promised I wouldn't laugh and I did. I'm sorry." Yuna said lowering her head a little as Lightning felt her eyebrows shoot up at that gesture. She didn't know someone could legitimately do that to her besides Serah.

' _ **Why does an apology for a broken promise seem to hurt so much? I mean... it isn't just me right? You've got to admit that it is weird too.'**_

' _It is weird now shut up. She might explain why she did it.'_ Lightning thought as she forced her eyebrows down from sheer force of will as she could see Yuna looking back up after what felt like hours but was probably a matter of minutes.

As she was about to speak, Yuna was cut off by the waiter coming back with a large plastic tray and started to place the white dishes down onto the table. Lightning couldn't help but feel like Yuna was thankful that the waiter was back with the dishes. But it still felt like it rubbed Lightning the wrong way.

Staring at the plate of brownies being placed down, as well as two mugs filled with what Lightning had no idea but was just thankful that it was probably soothing to all hell.

' _ **Right well, seeing as you are being a meanie poopy head... I bet you can't slam that hot drink.'**_

"I don't want to, plus Yuna would be mad if I did anyways." Lightning muttered as she reached for the cup. Just taking her gaze off the older woman and towards the mystery drink. Hell she wasn't even sure if she should tell Yuna what was being discussed between herself and herself. But she had to admit that without context it would be a very confusing thing to hear. "Sorry... I'll try and remember to not come off as too crazy."

Shaking her head, Yuna just continued to stare at the near broken woman before she spoke up. "I don't mind Light. You forget it is my job. But to be clear I'd be mad at what? Please tell me the voice isn't trying to get you to hit me because I noticed the way you tensed earlier." At the sight of the woman picking up a little, she couldn't help but feel a little bit better about the whole situation at the fact that even if it was only a little, she was helping Lightning's judgement.

"No. That was because of the laughter. I've never been able to get used to it." Lightning began as she continued to stare into the brown swirling mass that was her drink. She didn't really know what it was, but she had to admit that it looked at least good. "She was wanting me to slam... whatever this is." Lightning said idly.

"Have you never had a mocha?" Yuna asked, beaming a little at the notion she could show someone a great drink.

' _ **Light hasn't even had her father's love before... safe to say she hasn't had many hot drinks. But stiff upper lip Light. I'm positive she hasn't been stabbed before... or choked... or beaten to an inch of her life... or cried... but to be fair I don't think you've shown emotion before let alone cried either.'**_

The way the voice interjected just made Light take a deep breath to resist the urge. To just punch herself in the face to try and silence the voice further.

Sensing that Light wasn't thinking of something else, Yuna just decided to continue her explanation. "It is mostly hot chocolate, with just a shot of coffee. It is really tasty and if I was being honest, I could drink nothing but this if I had my say." As Yuna spoke she felt a little disheartened at the sight of Lightning moving the mug out of her reach. Causing just a chorus of questions mentally of what she did wrong. That was until Lightning removed all doubt.

"I'm already having trouble sleeping and staying asleep. Do you think coffee will help?" Lightning asked rhetorically as she reached across to grab one of the brownies off the plate and breaking off a small bit before plopping it into her mouth. Glad that at least she could enjoy something like this. Even if she was in the one place she felt the most uncomfortable in recent times.

Pushing the mug back towards the pink haired teen, Yuna just smiled at her. "There isn't much in it for the amount there. Unless you are caffeine sensitive which I feel like your parents would have told me that at least, it will only keep you up until after lunch."

' _ **She seriously over estimates how much your family cares about you. Ah well. Now drink up Light. It is rude to refuse gifts.'**_

Shaking her head as she took the mug and took a small drink as to make it seem like she was going to be genuine in her consumption of it, but the way the silky chocolate hid the bitter taste of the coffee, she had to admit that it was a strange combination that seemed to work pretty well.

Lowering her own mug, Yuna just had to restrain a laugh at the sight of the teen sitting there looking happy. To the point if she was being honest, she could have sworn that there was even the ghostings of a smile on her face.

"So Light... do you mind if I ask some questions? Just to try and make it less like we are taking blind stabs as to your future medication?" Yuna asked as Lightning lowered the items in her hands to look back at Yuna with a slight glare. It was as if she had just sprung up this topic out of nowhere. Grumbling a simple affirmative response, Lightning lowered the mug to break off another piece of the brownie for her to eat. It was probably the only thing that was going to get her through this questioning.

"Do you remember what happened when you first heard the voice? Like was it when you were with Dysley... or was it something that happened before the purge started?" Yuna whispered her questions just in case Lightning still didn't really favour talking about the topic out loud in the public.

Gulping in a vein attempt to try and remove the dryness of her mouth Lightning just took a deep breath and lowered what remained of the brownie into her lap. How was she meant to say that she has been hearing a voice so long that it feels as if it was always there? How was she meant to say she doesn't remember most memories of her time before the purge started? How was she meant to say anything that wouldn't cause this saint of a woman to look at her weird like everyone else has already done once they find out the truth.

Settling on a way, Lightning just took a deep breath as she looked into Yuna's eyes. "It was shortly after Serah was sent back to my father... when Dysley started to take his anger out on me with hourly beatings, filming it to send to my father... the stabbings, stranglings, the passing me between his generals to let them do as they please." Lightning started as she broke off another piece of a brownie and placed it into her mouth. "It wasn't full sentences at first. Just a word or two... but eventually by the time Dysley fell... we'd have long conversations. It was the only thing that made me not bite my tongue off."

' _ **Ah Light... you remembered after all these years. You know how to woo a girl.'**_

Yuna was left speechless by that simple confession. Had this woman really been able to come to terms that much with what had happened? Or was this just the parts she was comfortable with. Either way Yuna had no doubt in her mind that she had just crested the top of the iceberg.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

_Standing in the ashen wasteland, Light took a deep breath as she looked around. The simple fact that she was even here was enough to make her angry. The wastelands just seemed to grate her nerves as she knew there was typically a reason._

_Scanning the surrounding area as though she was demanding for an appearance of her tormentor. Any of them would do for the simple fact that she'd be very tempted to bring great harm to them. They all seemed to drag her down to this level. Down to the point that she'd be faced with nothing but this ash clogged wastelands. Everything just caked in grey_ _on_ _grey._

" _COME ON! SHOW YOURSELVES!" Lightning yelled into abyss. Just praying that the abyss would stare back at her. Maybe then she'd be able to end this stupid song and dance entirely. When no answer came but the silence, the same type of silence that always seemed to follow in her wake._

_Grumbling as she started to walk again, she could hear some light giggling as footprints started to dent once it broke the crust of the top layer. Just the simple fact of circling of her, made her slightly angered because she could guess what this was going to be about._

" _Why are you tormenting me like this? Can I not even get my dreams away from you?" Lightning asked as the footprints came to a stop in front of her and the same image of her sister appeared, wearing the black lace dress. The only way that she knew it wasn't her sister, was from the voice._

_It wasn't the same silken voice of her sister, who had stayed up long nights with her. It was the voice that was always in the background wanting violence to be done on everyone._

_The fact those words of pure malice were constantly leaving her sister's mouth now just seemed to pain Lightning more. But she could get through this. She just had to try harder._

" _ **Well... mostly because I'm wherever your mind wants me to be. I appear like your mind wants. Still curious about why I'm your sister in a lolita outfit. So if you want me gone, you just need to close your eyes and wish really, really,**_ **really** _ **hard and I'll vanish. Or maybe you can I don't know think of me in something different because I'm getting the urge to punch myself."**_

_Closing her eyes tightly, Lightning took a deep breath to try and clam herself and wish this corporal form away. Cracking an eye open, Lightning frowned as she could see the black high heels._

" _ **Guess you didn't wish hard enough. Ah well... do you think there is somewhere we can have some ice cream? I think we should totally go get some chocolate... you know the greatest ice cream flavour ever."**_

" _Two things. One you're so wrong, the greatest flavour is vanilla. Two I know of a sure fire way of getting rid of you from my sight." Lightning stated as took a deep breath._

Bolting upright, Lightning took some deep breaths to try and calm her nerves as she started to scan the dimly lit room. Flicking the blanket off of her, she quickly jumped down, just praying that it wasn't that early because she didn't want the same lecture she got during dinner about proper sleeping hours.

Glancing out the window she smiled a little by the appearance of red streaking the sky with the soft snoring behind her.

' _ **Not cool Light. Do you have any idea how many dead ends the doors up here have? You'd swear M. C. Escher got his inspiration from it.'**_

Laughing a little internally, Lightning walked over to her duffel bag and quickly crouched down to open it. Reaching in for the notebook she was given, Lightning could feel a smile as she could feel her fingers brushing up against it. Grabbing it, she quickly pulled her hand out with it in tow. Walking towards the table she quickly took a seat.

' _ **Don't tell me you are going to be suicidal again. Because trust me, I hate trains too... about as much as we hate airships... but there are no sturdy rafters, no windows open up far enough for us... no sharp objects... we'd be in agony for no reason.'**_

' _Why is that always your first port of call? I'm not suicidal, and haven't been since that night Dysley's empire fell.'_ Lightning thought as she placed her feet onto the seat across from her. Flicking open to the first empty page. Slipping the pen out from its home in the spiral metal rings that made up the spine.

Popping the cap off, Lightning started to scrawl what had been on her mind since she woke up from... well if she was being honest, she'd describe it as a nightmare. She knew that it wasn't really going to help any, but she also knew that it would probably be the for the best to just do it. That way she could claim like she was genuinely trying.

Maybe she'd even have something to show to Yuna or Serah if they ask. It would actually probably put her in a better position if she just did this. Not to mention she'd be off of this hell in a matter of hours.

' _ **So I was wondering... hypothetically Light... if I started listing off the things that possibly affecting us... you'll stop when we hit something right? Like if I said we have abandonment issues you'd tell me I'm right... right?'**_

' _If you say something right then maybe. Now can you shut up. I'm trying to figure out things.'_

' _ **Back to being a bitch I see... that's fine. There is a new pool table, and I'm going to take advantage of it while practising for our singing career.'**_

Shaking her head in some vein attempt to dissuade the voice, Light barely noticed the snoring having stopped. "Did you get enough sleep?" a small voice said causing Lightning to just look up at the owner who was sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"I got enough. I told you I don't do trains... never have, doubt I ever will. Hell it is a miracle I haven't tried to kill someone to get off." Lightning started as she turned back to her small notebook before closing it. "How much longer are we meant to be on this stupid thing?"

Standing up, Yuna started to stretch, stopping long enough to yawn briefly as she walked towards the remaining seat. Taking it, she just smiled at the teen. "We are meant to be at the end of the line at one in the afternoon, there we will meet my husband, and the head psychiatrist is even sending her husband as well just in case you take to self harm... and we'll drive the remaining hour to the institution... you're fine with cars are you?"

"I don't mind them... I actually prefer them."

"Good."

' _ **Light is a liar~ Light is a liar~'**_

* * *

Smiling as she practically skipped down the hallway, Vanille was excited. She had not only been able to get some orange and chocolate waffles for breakfast, there was even her favourite juice. Not to mention she didn't need to give up any of it so she could be a good person.

To top it all off, she was going to have her visit with Fang who was her only connection to real sugar... not to mention that she didn't have any group meetings and what was becoming her standard disciplinary evaluation after a break out attempt wasn't even that bad.

Coming to a stop at the doorway, Vanille barely had enough time to catch the small item being tossed at her. Looking down at the bag in her hands, she couldn't help but smile brightly at the pink packaging with red letters.

Quickly scanning the room in the direction of where the bag came from, Vanille almost jumped for joy at the sight of the raven haired woman with red streaks who seemed to have permanent bed hair just standing up at a table.

Nearly sprinting the short distance, Vanille wrapped her arms around the much taller woman and smiled at the feeling of the strong arms encircling around her. The comfort that was being poured into her from the hug was perfect, that is until the taller woman pulled back and flicked her forehead.

Pulling back fully, Vanille started to rub her forehead with her free hand and pouted at the woman. "What was that for Fang? You're giving me mixed signals here... giving me my favourite kit kat... and attacking me like that..." Vanille said as the taller woman snapped her fingers and pointed to seat across from where she was sitting.

"Ya know exactly what that's for." The brunette now known as Fang said as she started to run a hand through her hair. "And the strawberry crap was because I got it as a gift for accepting this group to go to Gran Pulse in a few weeks. I don't understand the stupid tradition of not refusing gifts... and understand less how you can stomach that stuff." Fang continued as she began to take her own seat.

Placing the bag on the table, Vanille looked towards the woman who was like a sister to her and pouted lightly. "I still don't see why they need to tell you after every breakout attempt. I didn't even make it out of the building this time."

"YOU TRIED AGAIN!" Fang yelled standing up getting ready to smack the small red haired girl. Just barely restraining herself as she started to sit down again just taking some deep breaths to calm herself.

"Wait... what did I do to get the flick then if that wasn't it?" Vanille asked as she reached for the chocolate treats just in case they were going to be taken away from her.

"The burning yourself again. And don't go with the crap of how the burns appeared suddenly. And you didn't even hide the bandages covering your arms this time." Fang complained as she started to rub her eyes out of a mixture of annoyance and restraint from hitting the red haired teen.

As she started to bore her thumbs into her eyes as she prayed that this was all a bad dream that she'd be waking up from in a matter of minutes. Taking a deep breath as she looked towards her friend and moved her thumbs away to stare at the woman.

"What did they take away this time Van? If memory serves they can't take much more away from you." Fang spoke softly trying not to startle the slightly skittish girl as she opened the bag and started to pull out some of the individually wrapped bars.

"Nothing. I made a deal with Rosa. If I behave for a month she'll restore some of the things she had to take." Vanille said as she peeled the foil and smiled at the small pink bars.

As the silence started to befall the duo, only being broken by the sound of other people talking and the crinkling of plastic. Getting tired of not knowing what would happen if the red haired woman failed, Fang just had to speak up. "And the catch?"

"What?" Vanille started, being snapped out of her trance as she looked at her friend who was gesturing for some further information. "Oh, that's right. If I'm caught misbehaving and not taking the antidepressants, they are going to strip everything back bar for the bedding. But I'm not going to fail. Because if I did we'd have a lot more to worry about. Like how easy it would be to kill yourself if you tried." Vanille said with a small laugh.

That single action was a hard thing for Fang to hear. She never knew if Vanille was joking about that. The images from last time she still couldn't get from her mind. The fire that had danced over her body. The unmistakable stench that had filled her nose anytime the memory flooded her mind.

Getting pulled from her thoughts by a finger pressing her nose, Fang began to cross her eyes to follow the offending digit back to its owner and nearly groaned at the sight of Vanille smiling once again. "Relax, the easiest way is to overdose and that is easily remedied. And I'm already on watch. So don't worry." Vanille stated calmly as she leaned back in her seat and turned back to the bag filled with the candy.

"So, how is Scruffy? Or did you not already go down to make sure all the pens are ready for this hatching season?" Vanille asked as she took another one of the tiny bars and started to open it, her smile never wavering as she enjoyed Fang relaxing a little from the topic shift. If anything it just relaxed her further to talk about the chocobos.

"Course I've been there. And he is still the king of the roost. Didn't have any more scars since I last saw him though. So that's good."

Smiling at the thought of the what had to be now a very large chocobo protecting the area still when he was so small and nearly dead when he was a chic. It just made her remember what Yuna had once told her that everything can change given enough time.

Hell Vanille still remembered the last time she saw him... how he was the only one that she let in on what she was planning before she wound up here. Something that she still remembered how Fang came back after the next hatching season with some bandages of her own from where she had to calm the bird down and wouldn't until Fang managed to get a call through to Vanille.

"Can you get a picture of him when you go back? During a room move or two ago I lost the one I had of him." Vanille asked as Fang just smiled at her.

"Promise you are going to behave and not lose all your potential privileges?" Fang asked knowing that Vanille was going to achieve that or possibly die trying. And just the thought of that was enough to cause Fang to worry.

Groaning vocally, Vanille tilted her head back as she continued before it snapped back at Fang with the groan fading. "I don't need the extra incentive Fang. And besides, I haven't been forced to eat oatmeal yet excluding the times I gave up delicious food to Palom or Porom. Even got some of the chocolate and orange waffles. Which are just great." Vanille said with a smile as she reached into the bag for another one of the small treats. A little sad she couldn't bring them back with her.

"So why do you keep trying to break out Van? The place here seems nice... I've only ever had pleasant conversations with the staff when I'm not being informed from you doing something stupid." Fang asked fearing the answer, but maybe she'd be able to help Vanille in the long run. All it took really was her possibly getting an answer she never wanted to hear.

"It isn't though." Vanille said swallowing the mouthful that she had, letting a small cough as she looked back to Fang. "I mean we aren't even allowed normal sugar for the likes of tea. Lights out is at nine... won't even let people out at night to catching lightning bugs. And don't get me started on the fact that there is always five or six orderlies all the time watching you. Don't get me wrong most of them are cool... but the bad ones are so frequent it is almost painful." Vanille ranted off as Fang chuckled at the complaints she had. They seemed so trivial even if you dig deep down into the reasoning, but she wasn't going to call Vanille on it.

"And I think the worst part is, two of the shrinks here keep trying to tell me it is 'fireflies' not lightning bugs." Vanille said as though she had just been stabbed repeatedly.

"Well, I'm sure your crazy reasoning works in here pretty well Van." Fang said with a small laugh as Vanille lightly hit Fang arm with an open palm.

* * *

Stepping onto solid ground, Lightning just took a deep breath as she could feel most of the tension leave her. Everything was suddenly right in the world. Even if it was because she was away from just something that brought up bad memory on top of bad memory.

' _ **Light... I'm hungry... are we there yet? My feet hurt.'**_

' _You can't be hungry, we aren't there yet and you don't have feet.'_ Lightning thought as she started to follow Yuna. Just wondering why she seemed to be a little lost. It certainly didn't bring up much confidence to her that everything was right.

Staying a few steps back, Lightning could see a sandy blonde haired man walk up behind Yuna and quickly put his arms around her. As she heard Yuna let out a small scream, Lightning knew that she had to step in. Dropping her bag, Lightning grabbed the man's shoulder, causing him to separate from Yuna and delivered a punch to the man's jaw.

As he went down, Yuna let out a gasp as she looked at the man holding his jaw and back to Lightning. "Tidus!" Yuna said and was quickly by the downed man, quickly scanning over his body as she helped him sit up.

"The hell is with you!?" The blonde man snapped at Lightning who just continued to stare at him with a cold indifference.

' _ **I don't like his tone... maybe you should punch him a few more times.'**_

Before Lightning could respond, Yuna delivered a smack to the other side of his face. "She is who I told you about." Yuna snapped as Lightning took a deep breath to try and ignore the laughing that filled her ears.

"Then why punch?"

"I don't know you... you grabbed Yuna and she screamed." Lightning said in a measured tone as she looked at the man who started to pick himself up. Two marks very present on his face.

"Where did you even learn how to throw a punch like that? I haven't felt one that strong since Auron." The man Lightning could assume as Yuna's husband started to stand up.

"He is one of my teachers." Lightning stated as Yuna stood up and sighed a little.

' _ **Is that who is teaching you to lie so casually Light? Maybe I should have a talk with his parents. I don't like it when you are influenced so negatively by people.'**_

Scanning the area for the other man that was meant to be with the blonde haired man, Yuna rolled her eyes at the lack of his presence."Where is Cecil? I thought he was meant to be here as well."

"He is waiting by the van... we both reasoned you'd get a little lost and seeing as I can find you anywhere. Either way we should probably get going. Rosa said she wanted to talk to you about some deal she made with Van." The man spoke as Lightning picked up her bag.

' _ **Well at least we know he doesn't bleed and bitch. Maybe this next guy won't be bad either... of course he could also need a dose of fist to the face... please say he does.'**_


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

' _ **Ninety two bottles of beer on the wall, ninety two bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around ninety one bottles of beer on the wall.'**_

Grumbling again, Lightning pulled the cuffs of her hoodie down again and rested her head against the window once again. She was at least a little glad they had allowed only Yuna to sit back there with her.

Feeling a hand rest on her shoulder, Lightning turned to see Yuna clearly worried expression as Lightning just turned back to the window. Just observing the trees that fell out of her view as quickly as they entered. She knew that there was going to be some things she had to be worried about, namely how well Lightning was going to react to the new surrounding.

"Light, it is okay. We are nearly there." Yuna said softly as she tried to reason Lightning just to get her to talk at this point.

' _ **Twenty six bottles of beer on the wall, twenty six bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around twenty five bottles of beer on the wall.'**_

' _I can't help but notice you skipped numbers twenty seven through to eighty six.'_ Lightning thought as she took another breath and enjoyed the way she could hear that seemingly caused the voice to stumble. Causing a small smile to raise up on Lightning as she knew that there was going to be just a good day if she could cause the voice to stumble as easily as she did that.

"Dear various gods... she is smiling... did you hit a dog Cecil?" The sandy blonde man asked as Yuna leaned forward and smacked him.

"Stop being mad that you got beaten by a girl Tidus. This is why I would have rathered if you didn't come down. Lulu would have been better." Yuna hissed as Lightning's smile dropped and her face turned into that same expressionless mask.

Just the sight of it was enough to hurt Yuna a little given how seldom she had seen an expression like that on the pink haired woman's face. And that was even with all the hours they had to just talk with each other on the train.

As Tidus continued to mumble something, Yuna turned back to Lightning. She wasn't sure if her worry was going to be obvious as she gently placed a hand on Lightning's forearm. "Light, come on. Remember what we talked about. Tidus is just still a little mad. Men have very easily bruised ego."

"It isn't anything I need to talk about. And I'm used to that sort of reaction. It happens when you've kicked enough men's asses since you were a preteen."

' _ **Please Light... I think you should tell her. That way the men will know you are crazy and no one messes with crazy people. Especially if they want to keep all their limbs. I mean it wouldn't be the first time.'**_

"I'd rather if you talked about it. Even if you didn't think it was the right thing to do." Yuna said softly as Lightning grumbled once again as she turned to face Yuna. The worry that was seemingly chiselled into her expression. "It is okay Light. Cecil is a psychiatrist just doesn't work for the Yevon institute, and Tidus while he is sore about getting hit, he knows better than to talk about these kinds of matter." Yuna said to try and get some sort of logic through to Lightning.

' _ **Go on Light, tell... you've been a bitch this entire time for no reason and telling everyone about what we talk about. Even ruined my games.'**_

Groaning internally, Light turned back to the window and stared out of it, frowning as she could see a number of open fields starting to replace the trees. "It is just singing ninety nine bottles of beer and I corrected the counting." Lightning muttered as she could see Yuna taking a deep breath and relaxing at the clarification. She was glad that it seemed to satisfy what had been the curiosity and worry from Yuna.

"You have some of the weirdest conversations with yourself. But I suppose it is a lot better than it could be." Yuna said softly as she took a deep breath and turned to face the front of the van again, just enjoying the fact that she knew it wouldn't be long. She hoped that at least Rosa was going to be able to talk to Lightning in advance.

' _ **Pfft... what would she know? Our conversations can go where ever we want them to. Let's do what Serah always does and talk about boys...? girls...? Light what way do we swing again?'**_

' _We don't swing any way. People suck and you know it.'_ Lightning thought as she could feel the car slowing down. She wasn't sure for what, but knew that it was most likely going to be for the best.

' _ **Pretty sure that is what you are only meant to do in kind if a guy goes down on you... I suppose if you tried hard enough you could do it to a woman as well...'**_

The way the voice was continuing on this rant was making Lightning all kinds of annoyed. It wasn't that she didn't really care for these conversations; which she didn't, but she just barely could stand having it with Serah. And even then it took a long time for her to get to that point.

Seeing Yuna shift a little, as she pulled out a small badge, that Lightning could assume was some sort employee badge. It just made her feel a little better that this arduous journey was nearly over. She could probably crawl into a bed, and sleep. Maybe catch up on some of the sleep she was lacking at this minute.

As Yuna rolled down the window, Lightning couldn't help but take a deep breath as she could smell the fresh air. Lightning could reason that they were close enough to warrant this which along just made her smile.

That smile being robbed as she could see what appeared to be a security guard walking into the view of the window and taking a quick look at the plastic card of Yuna's before gesturing down the way as Lightning could feel the car lurching forward again.

' _ **Welp locked in now. So our current options are being mature... go swinging... or faking seizures to get some great drugs.'**_

' _I'm not going to swing at people for shits and giggles. I wouldn't fake a seizure because if Serah found out it would kill her. So that leaves the mature option out of the ones you gave.'_ Lightning thought calmly as she continued to look out of the window and could see the front doors of what was going to be just slightly better compared to the hell she had been in in the past.

Unbuckling from her seat, she smiled as Yuna was quick to open the door and walk out. Following suit, Lightning walked around to the back of the van and smiled at the fact her bag remained untouched.

Picking it up, she walked to face the front door, just taking a deep breath to try and right her nerves.

' _ **Abandon all hope, ye who enter here... eh Light? Eh? Come on not even a snicker?'**_

' _Since when do you know classical quotes like that?'_ Lightning thought bitterly as she could will herself to take the first few steps. A little glad that she didn't need to really go on any mode of transport and she'd still probably have a better if slightly smaller room.

' _ **I do need to pass the time somehow in here. And I mean I used to just bounce a ball against the wall... but I lost the ball.'**_

Shrugging her shoulders, Lightning smiled as she could see Yuna holding the door open for her. As she stepped into the sterile environment, and the smell of near death that she had become familiar with.

"Okay, you just need to take a seat right now as I hand up the paperwork and Rosa would want to talk to you. She likes talking to all new people being admitted." Yuna said softly as she pointed to some seats. "And I'm sorry Light but I'll need you take your bag so it can be checked for contraband. The biggest people forget about is belts and laces... it is just a safety issue thing." Yuna said softly as she Lightning just shot her a soft glare.

"I don't like it when people touch my things. All that is in the bag is clothes, two notebooks, and a single picture." Lightning stated her reasoning as Yuna looked at her with the same doe eyes as though she was trying to broadcast an apology for what has to be done.

"It needs to be done Light. I mean even I need to give up my shoes and belts anytime I come in. If it makes you feel better, you can take the items out in front of the security but if they find anything they will need to take it." Yuna said softly, trying to reason with Lightning, fearing what she might do if they advanced wrongly. It would destroy any and all good will she had built up with Light. Or worse the pink haired teen would feel like she was backed into a corner.

She had already seen what Lightning would do if she was on several occasions. Either self harm or harming others. And she didn't want to imagine what would happen given the orderlies job forcing her down. The amounts of bad memories and damage that would all cause, would be detrimental given everything.

When no words came from Lightning, Yuna knew she'd have to get an answer from her. "Light... those are your only options. I'd love it if we had blind trust, but we can't because everything needs to be safe for the four hundred plus people here. Some of which are suicidal and are constantly looking for things they can use." Yuna hoped that would be the single grain that could bring Lightning to reason.

' _ **... and then you know the best part is the fact Yuna has totally been talking and you've been paying so much attention to me you totally don't remember what she said do you?'**_

Muttering under her breath a simple 'fuck' as she looked up to Yuna. "I'm sorry Yuna... can you please repeat that? The voice was talking about some stupid game that didn't make sense to me."

Breathing a sigh of relief that Lightning wasn't being steadfast in something it was just her not paying full attention. "It is okay Light... I can make it so you handle your things, but if they find anything that can be used to kill anyone, they need to take it from you. Or you can let them do it themselves. Those are the only options available."

"I want to handle my stuff." Lightning muttered as Yuna just smiled at her. Saying a simple 'okay' as she walked off towards the front desk.

' _ **Awww... Lightning is acting like a child... that is like the single most adorable thing I've seen easily in the last while.'**_

' _Shut up. I don't want to be rude to these people.'_ Lightning spat mentally as she took another deep breath and took the seat she had been standing in front of. Just moving her bag under the seat as she pulled her legs up onto the lip of the seat. Just so she could wrap her arms around her legs.

' _ **Or what? You can't do anything that won't get you held down by many men... and I don't like that joke any more.'**_

' _What? Not insulting enough? Not enough harm being brought to me? What about it makes it an unfunny joke?'_ Lightning thought as she could see Yuna's husband walking over to talk to her about something that Lightning couldn't really care about.

' _ **I just don't like it Light. Now it is my turn to tell you to shut up.'**_

Shaking her head, Light figured that it was going to be best to just enjoy this silence while it lasted. Even if it only was going to be for a few minutes, it was going to be something that can be pleasant even if it was going to be a few precious minutes.

Scanning the wide open room, Lightning could see a number of people seemingly relaxing just making her feel a little bad. She wasn't sure if these people were visitors, or families of someone being admitted. All she knew was that the room held a few extra people.

Knowing that the best case scenario at this moment really was for her to just get by the first few days until Serah's visit. Then she could probably cut loose a lot easier. Thankfully it was going to be something a lot easier with the voice in her head staying silent. The hardest part was now over for however long of a period it would be.

"Light." Lightning heard snapping her from her thought as she looked up to see Yuna standing there holding a clipboard and a pen. "Come on, let's get this check done with. Rosa has decided to also take the two birds approach." Yuna continued as Lightning just gave a quick look around.

Slipping her feet off the chair, Lightning bent down and pulled her bag out from under the chair. Taking a few cautious steps just behind Yuna, Lightning could just feel a little bit of the sudden pressure of the situation as they came to the front desk again. Gesturing to one of the doors, Yuna smiled as Lightning started to walk towards the door, while at the same time keeping a distance between them.

Giggling a little, Yuna walked towards the door, and slipping the card between two different sections with a loud beep occurring, Yuna opened the door and gestured towards the inside of the small room.

Happy with how it appeared, Lightning started to walk inside the room where she could see a single table and two people just behind it. A large black man stood with a smile on his face as the fair skinned blonde woman stood next to him. The stern look would have been enough to intimidate many others, but not Lightning. All she could get from her was of genuine concern.

Glancing towards Yuna, Light could see the clipboard changing hands between her and the blonde woman as Yuna just turned to smile at the pink haired teen. "Lightning, I'd like to introduce you to the head psychiatrist Doctor Rosa Farrell and the chief orderly for the wing you'll be staying in Sazh Katzroy. Can you please place your bag on the table and start pulling the items out." Yuna said as she pointed towards the individual people.

Walking towards the table, Lightning hoisted the bag up and plopped it down onto the table. She couldn't let her uneasiness be the factor that caused everything to stop. As she grasped the zipper, she frowned a little at the lack of some snide comment coming from the voice. It would just make everything go by a lot smoother than it was.

"Claire 'Lightning' Farron... are you aware of the rules in their entirety?" The blonde woman said as Lightning took a deep breath gripping the metal sipper tightly, to the point she was positive that if she moved right there would be blood.

"It is just Lightning." Lightning stated as she pulled the zipper fully open. "And yes I understand." Lightning continued slightly harsher than she probably should have intended, but it didn't matter to her. It was going to be the best reaction anyone would get from her if they used her real name. Her birth name.

"My bad. I'll try and make sure I remember it for any of our encounters from here on out." The woman said as Lightning just let out a deep breath as she started to pull out her clothes. "I'm sorry, can you unfold them and turn out any pockets you can? We just need to be sure." Rosa said already wondering what would cause this girl to be so defensive.

Sighing a little, Lightning started to unfold the hoodie that she had in her hands and laid it down on the table. She didn't know why the man was here and yet he remained silent and standing in the same position with his arms behind his back.

"Light, it is going to be okay." Yuna said softly as Lightning reached to the previous stack of clothes and started to unfold the sweat pants. She knew that Yuna was trying to ease Lightning, but that wasn't really the issue to her. "Once this is done, I'll go with Sazh to your room and we'll get a trustee to show you around." Yuna continued as Lightning rolled her eyes and reached back into the bag and pulled out the two notebooks.

"Please relinquish any pencils. They are a recent contraband outside of controlled areas." Rosa said as she started to write something on the sheet of paper as Lightning rolled her eyes and slipped the single pen out from between the rings that bound the papers.

"All I have is a pen. Is that okay?" Lightning asked, knowing that it was coming off as a bit sarcastic, but that didn't really matter to her. She was just wanting to be done with this and didn't want to give them any reason to start taking away some of the privileges she had according to what she read.

"That is fine, but it can be subject to change." Rosa said as Yuna felt an eyebrow raise. "It is exactly who you probably think it is Yuna." Rosa continued not looking up from the sheet of paper as Lightning pulled out the final item from her bag, that being the photo she cared deeply for.

Resting it down carefully on the pile of clothes, Lightning just started to fold the bag inside out as to show she wasn't hiding anything. "That is everything I brought. Nothing against the rules I was given, and bar for the clothes I'm wearing and the slip on shoes I'm wearing you've seen it all." Lightning said just really wanting to get to her room so she can sleep some.

"Okay, just one final question that was left blank on your forms. Do you have any allergies she should be aware of for medication?" Rosa said as Lightning rolled her eyes a little.

"None that I know of."

"Okay. We'll just need to do some tests in a few hours to make sure."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

Walking down the halls seemed strange to Light. Namely just because of how casual it seemed with people in walking to and fro. It wasn't anywhere near what she imagined, but she supposed nothing ever seemed to be.

Clutching the bag tightly to her chest, Lightning smiled softly as she could see them stopping at a closed door. Wondering what was the reason when she could just hear Yuna speak up. "Open the door Light. This will be your room." Yuna said softly with her ever present smile as she gestured to the handle.

Sighing internally, Lightning took a few steps to the handle and pushed down and smiled a little at the clean looking room. Taking a few steps into the room, just calmly taking some deep breaths as she started to spin slowly around the room.

As she came to a stop facing the two people who lead her way to this room, Light could see Yuna walking into the room after gesturing to the large man behind her to stay. "Unless there are some major circumstances outside of our immediate control, you'll be the only person in this room at night. The doors are on an automatic time lock which goes into place at eight at night. It can only be opened after that in case of emergency or with a key that only very select staff like Sazh and Rosa have." Yuna said as she gave a cursory check of the room.

Coming to a stop back at the pink haired woman, Yuna shone the same smile at her. "The doors will automatically unlock at seven, breakfast is stopped being served at eight thirty and then we ask that you be back up here at nine for us to take a roll of sort. After that you'll have a schedule which I should have to you by the end of today. Do you have any questions Light?" Yuna continued as Lightning just continued to look around the room, to see the things the best she could.

"No. I should be fine." Light stated softly as Yuna continued to smile at her. It was a little unnerving to her, but not enough for her to panic. Or just not yet.

"Okay, Sazh do you have anything you'd like to add?" Yuna asked as she turned around to see the man taking a few small steps into the room. As though he was trying to keep some small distance.

"If at any point you would like to complain of an orderly, tell me, Doctor Farrell or in this case Doctor Yuna until you get used to the staff. We keep all complaints anonymous unless there is an immediate felony presented. In which case, they will be suspended with pay, the police will be informed and you will be on temporary lock down until we can verify the claim. Anything else, orderlies are here to make sure everyone is safe, medication when needed is taken, and that is about it. If you need immediate medical attention during the night the button here just needs to be pressed." Sazh said pointing to a small button on the wall with a smile that Lightning could just tell was meant to be a comforting one, but it just didn't seem to bring her any more comfort than what Yuna had already given her.

Lightning held firm, her eyes never breaking from the man's as she took a deep breath and spoke up. "Okay." She knew that it was seeming rude, but she was more so worried about how silent the voice had remained. The lack of jokes that Lightning had found grating was something she actually sought so she would have something that would give her more comfort.

A typical comfort that was more so akin to normality at this moment. Something that she needed. But as she could see the duo smile and the chief orderly walk out Yuna took a moment to give one last glance around the room before she spoke up again. "I'll bring up a trustee in an hour for them to show you around. So unpack, get comfortable. Just would you like me to close the door on my way out?" Yuna asked as she remembered Lightning's love of privacy.

"Could you please?" Lightning asked as Yuna just smiled at her saying a simple 'okay' as she started to walk out, hand just grabbing the handle and closed the large door.

Closing her eyes, Lightning took a deep breath as she walked towards where she remembered the bed was. She was surprised that it was slightly larger than the single bed she had at her own home, but the white sheets were an annoyance and a half to her, but not nearly enough for her to complain already. She could see the merits of having it.

Tossing the bag down, Lightning took the seat on the bed that was pushed into the corner, just opening her eyes as she looked around. The white walls were another annoyance but she supposed it gave the room a sort of spacious look. She could see three small baskets on a series of wooden shelves in the corner which Lightning could just assume was meant for her clothes and personal items she wanted to put there.

' _You're awfully quiet. And I know I want you to shut up a lot, but you never do it... I actually am missing your comment_ _ary_ _.'_ Lightning thought as to try bait the voice out of her head in an attempt to bring her that same comfort as she stood up and started to drag her bag towards the baskets.

' _ **I'm just tired. Okay?'**_

Lightning could tell something was clearly off, but not that she was actually going to interject at this moment. At least she really was crazy still. Bending down, Lightning started to unzip her bag and pulled down a basket to start unpacking. Even if it was to make this part easier on her.

Filling the basket up, Lightning was raising it to slip it into the original home, and smiled as she could feel the door starting to open behind her. Snapping her right foot behind her to block the door from opening causing her to just drift into the stoic mask as she heard some grumbling under her breath just behind her.

Quickly zipping the bag shut, Lightning turned around to throw the door open to see a red haired teen on the floor rubbing her forehead. Before Lightning could even ask anything the teen glanced up with closed eyes and glared lightly at Lightning causing a small internal laugh at the feeble attempt.

"Okay, ow." The teen spoke as Lightning continued to look at her trying to figure out what she was doing there. As Lightning's eyes started to drift south, she started to take in the woman's features. The dark blue top she was wearing seemed to just throw Lightning a little bit, but not nearly as much as the loose hanging twin tails at the base of her head. "The hell was that about?" The downed woman continued as Lightning rolled her eyes and offered a hand for the downed woman.

"I don't like people just barging in on me." Lightning said calmly as the woman opened her eyes at the seemingly strange voice. As Light's cerulean eyes could view the green of the woman, she took a deep breath as the woman took her offered hand.

"I didn't think they'd give my old room away this quickly." The woman said with what Lightning could just assume was a minor case of contempt as Lightning shook her head and walked back around the door to pull down one of the baskets. "You mind if I grab something I forgot?" the woman continued as Lightning rolled her eyes.

"Fine." Lightning said as the woman started to walk fully into the room. Once she could see the woman, Lightning nudged the door closed fully. Looking up, Lightning could see the woman taking the slipper like shoes off as she started to climb up onto the bed and started to stretch for the ceiling. "I take it this isn't something exactly allowed here." Lightning said as the red haired girl just laughed a little.

Tensing her hands loosely into a fist, Lightning started to take some deep breaths as the woman jumped off the bed with a small cloth covered bundle in her hands. "You must be new." The woman said with a smile as Lightning stood up fully and looked at her. "So you want someone to show you around? I just need to place this" She started raising the bundle of what Lightning had no idea and if she was being honest she'd rather not ask too many questions. "Into my new room?"

"Are you not the trustee Yuna talked about?" Lightning began as she stood up at her full height as she could see the red haired girl laugh again causing Lightning to just tense her hands once again. She was starting to get very angry about this woman.

"Oh sorry. I just have never heard that joke before. I'm just the furthest possible thing. But don't worry, I'm not crazy. Just a suicide attempt by self-immolation is what landed me here. Plus a worried friend who is like a sister to me... and legally mother." The stranger said calmly as Lightning took a deep breath to calm her nerves. She wanted to punch the woman, but she couldn't. Not if she wanted Serah to not skin her alive. "Besides if it is Yuna, there is like two trustees she uses and one of them is a friend of mine. Slight pyro but he is cool, or this one girl who is a little crazy and thinks she has died thousands of times over while she sees the future. She is also probably the only person here that has been here longer than me." The red haired woman continued as Lightning looked back towards her bag.

Smiling a little, the red haired woman took a few steps over and looked at the bag before looking back up at her. "Relax, you can unpack later. If you are new it means no schedule outside of the doors closing." The red haired woman spoke as Lightning took a deep breath.

"Can't you just come back after you drop off whatever that is in your hands?" Lightning asked as the woman looked down at it and back up at her.

"It is a radio with headphones. Not a corpse, or even something I could use to make a corpse." The red haired woman said with a small snicker as Lightning shook her head.

"You've clearly have never tried to make one besides yourself." Lightning muttered as she started to unzip the bag as she could just see out of the corner of her eye the red haired woman taking a few steps back. "Relax. That isn't why I'm here." Light continued as she started to pull the contents out of her bag and placed them into the basket.

"Um... if that isn't it... why are you?" Lightning had to resist the urge to laugh at the sound of the voice breaking in the short question.

"I've been hearing a voice ever since I was in the Purge." Lightning said as she could see the red haired woman breath a sigh of relief. As though nothing was wrong with the statement that came before it. "You know between the beatings from Dysley and his generals, and then the confinement to try and break me... it just appeared." Lightning continued as she stood up and slid the basket into the same position as she grabbed the final one and pulled it out and placed it down.

"It isn't the 'kill your family' voice over and over is it? Or is it the 'let's play ding dong ditch' voice." The red haired woman asked with what Lightning knew was concerned but it didn't make her feel any less awkward.

"Both. Also wants me to embrace my sweet tooth and sing along to whatever song is on my mind." Lightning stated as she pulled out the two notebooks and slipped them under some of the clothing items. Standing up, Lightning slipped the basket back onto the shelf before bending down to grab the last item remaining in the bag.

As she reached for the first basket she placed onto the shelf, Lightning slipped the photo just between the clothes as she turned around and could see the red haired woman staring at her intently. "I don't hear the voice right now. Now why are you still here?" Lightning asked as the woman just shook her head lightly.

"You never answered if you want to be shown around by me, or if you want to wait for Hope or Yuel to show you the boring things. Like the rec room, the cafeteria, the bathroom. Nothing cool like the music room, or the gardening centre outside... that kind of thing." Vanille said as Lightning crossed her arms and stared at Vanille.

"Fine." Lightning said as she gestured towards the door causing the red haired girl smile and start a small skip out of the room. Shaking her head, Lightning walked to her door and started to walk out. Making sure to close her door as she followed the woman.

"Name is Vanille by the way." The red haired teen said causing Lightning take a deep breath as she started to press the button on the elevator rapidly. As though what she had was a huge taboo even though Lightning had studied the rules backwards and forwards when it came to what was allowed and what wasn't and she couldn't remember a radio ever being mentioned on it. "What's your's?"

Lightning rolled her eyes for what felt like once again as she took a deep breath. "Just call me Lightning. Or Light. I don't care which option you pick or use both." Lightning spoke as the red head she now knew as Vanille nodded quickly as the elevator doors opened. Before Lightning could even register it, there was a hand on her forearm that quickly pulled itself and her into the elevator. Before Lightning could let out a sound, Vanille pressed the close doors button as she quickly pressed the button for a few floors above.

"Sorry about that... it is just I'm not allowed the radio and I can't afford to be caught with it. Mostly because this is like my final chance before I lose all possible rights, and I mentally can't afford it." Vanille said as the elevator came to a stop with her just smiling as the doors opened once again.

Popping her head out, Vanille gave a quick look around and smiled as she started to lead way towards a different area of what Lightning could assume was the dorm rooms. Something that alone made Lightning groan internally from how it looked like the exact duplicate of where they just came from. Even down to the same doors being open.

Sighing a little, Lightning followed the teen who stopped at a door before quickly turning around and flicked her head around a few more times. "You're not a nark are you? Because one rule that is through here is a simple one 'snitches get stitches'." Vanille said as Lightning rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that _isn't that a line used in every prison movie?_ That wouldn't happen in a prison. They'd kill the snitch. Here you might actually need stitches. Especially if you talk to the noids..." Vanille said as Lightning met her gaze.

"You are the least terrifying woman I've ever met. But I'm not going to tell. I'm here to shut the voice up in my head permanently. Nothing else." Lightning said as Vanille just smiled and opened the door taking careful steps backwards as she gestured to the room.

Looking around, Lightning was shocked to see the only difference was the lack of pipes sticking out of the floor. Walking a few more steps, Lightning nearly jumped at the sound of the door closing. "Great, be a look out." Vanille continued as she quickly placed the item down on her bed before jumping up onto her bed.

Ignoring the request, Lightning laughed a little at the sight of the girl taping the ceiling as though she was trying to find a loosened tile in the suspended ceiling. As if finding the one she was looking for after five or six attempts, the hyperactive teen started to slide the tile over a little as she bent down and grabbed the small clothed bundle before sliding it into the ceiling and replacing the tile. "There, that is done... so what would be the first thing you'd like to see?" Vanille asked as she jumped off the bed.

Before Light could question anything, she was already at the door, a smile on her face as she opened the door and smiled at her before gesturing out. "I only ask because on this floor, we've got the coolest room. Or at least to me. I like arts and crafts." Vanille said as Lightning rolled her eyes.

"I don't care where, I just want to get this over with." Lightning said calmly as she could see Vanille pointing down a the hallway they had just came from earning a small eyebrow raise from Lightning.

Ignoring the look, Vanille lightly grabbed Lightning's forearm and started to lead her down a path. Groaning a little as she tried to resist the urge to scream at the overly clingy woman for grabbing her again, Lightning just allowed herself to be dragged along. Figuring there would be a way she could get back for this transgression that would be a lot easier for her in the short and long run.

' _Seriously? Nothing? No 'Aw Light, you made a new friend.' No comparing me to a shape that would make sense to only you?'_

' _ **I'm just not in the mood Light. Have fun with her.'**_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

"Now you see, if I wasn't currently banned from this entering this room from something that for the record wasn't my fault, I'd be able to show you the clay which is fired off site for obvious reasons. Can't trust some of the cutters with pottery shards." The red haired teen stated as Lightning took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. "And don't believe what the staff say. If you tell someone air bubbles can cause explosions, a naturally curious mind will want to test that out. Don't blame the suicidal person who has an issue with authority."

"Yuna said I shouldn't be allowed in there until I go and get my allergies tested." Lightning stated as Vanille just giggled a little at the thought of the woman she was getting to learn more and more of getting poked and prodded and possibly put in pain and needing to put up with it. "Where to next?" Lightning stated looking away from the glass pane and started to walk back towards the woman.

"Well, we could chance our arms with the cafeteria... I mean with you we could possibly get something extra to eat. Really depends on who is working in the kitchen today. If it is Kain we've got like zero chance... however if it is Caius, Rydia or Amalia... we have a high chance." Vanille said with a small amount of glee shining through her words. She knew that was almost always the best time to try and get some extra food was during the tours people would take the newbies on.

"I'm not really hungry." Lightning said as she started to walk down the hallway they had just came from. A little glad that thus far there was only two rooms this far up. And she might not even be ever able to go into one of them. Even if it would make Serah a little mad that there would be nothing that she could bring home, but she supposed the only decent reason she would go in there if she was allergic to anything was if she wanted to just cause her family more pain.

Smiling a little to herself as she could see Vanille skipping to face her, before taking long steps backwards. "Well, it would have just been some fruit cups anyway. But what is left on the trip, would be the music room, the rec room... and the group rooms slash few offices... and the medical wing." Vanille started before skipping a little to the side of Lightning and began to speak again. "Then we have the gardening section, lock down visitor's centre, and depending on if you want to break some minor, almost never enforced rules; To the point word is they may remove it. Anyways I can show you the other buildings for varying severities of cases. My favourite is the north building."

Taking a deep breath Lightning looked towards her companion before looking back in front of them. "I'd rather not break any rules. Or at the very least be here a little while longer. Otherwise my sister would kill me. She'd have no qualms with it either." Lightning stated calmly as Vanille came to a stop by the elevator doors.

"Sisters... am I right?" Vanille asked as the doors opened. "No seriously I'm asking. While Fang is like a sister... and legally mother. That _legally_ part should be a dead give away." Vanille said with a small giggle as Lightning walked into the elevator and took a deep breath.

"So because your a foster case... or orphan... you tried to kill yourself by setting yourself on fire?" Lightning asked as she could see Vanille press a button to a much lower floor that raised some questions as to where she was going to be shown next. "I mean, I've been kidnapped, beaten and tortured for literal years and I'm not even close to suicidal."

"Orphan. And nope. That had nothing to do with why I tried. That is just a happy accident. And I'm not going to tell you why I tried. But don't worry I haven't told anyone the reason." Vanille said with the same chirpy tone that was a little worrisome to Lightning, but she figured that the only logical reason would be the fact that this woman seemed to truly belong here with everyone else. "By the way, we are heading to the boring rooms right now. So group, the main shrink offices... but you could be one of the special ones and only talk in Yuna's or Rosa's offices. And trust me those are always the ones you want. Especially Yuna's. Rosa is so boring." Vanille stated with a small laugh as the doors opened.

"She doesn't seem that bad from the single interaction I've had with her. And Yuna is pretty great... her husband is an ass. But Yuna herself is fine." Lightning said as she could feel the elevator coming to a stop followed by the doors opening slowly. As she was about to step out Vanille caught her arm once again.

"Not our floor." Vanille said with a smile as Lightning took a deep breath. Before either could comment, the doors opened to reveal the brunette shrink standing there with a small frown on her face with a silver haired boy standing next to her. "Don't worry Yuna, already taken care off." Vanille said lightly pressing her index finger against her forehead in a saluting gesture.

"You aren't showing her anything against the rules are you?" Yuna asked as she placed her hand in the door to prevent them from closing. "Because I will report it to Rosa." Yuna said as the red haired woman pulled back and placed a hand over her chest as though she was hurt.

"I'd perish the thought. I'm being a good girl." Vanille said as the silver haired boy started to laugh. "Hope! I swear I am being a good girl. In fact I'm just about to show her the group rooms."

"Then I hope you won't mind if I or Hope tag along." Yuna said as she could see Vanille getting a little uneasy. Something that Yuna wasn't really sure about. She knew that Vanille had a habit of playing on emotions, something that Yuna knew first hand that it normally worked unless she used it already against one of the staff.

Before Yuna could continue her line of questioning, Lightning spoke up gathering that they needed an out. "Actually Yuna, can it just be us? The voice is silent right now... and I don't want to risk it with the addition of new people." Lightning half lied as she could see Yuna look towards Vanille before looking back to her. "Please Yuna?" Lightning continued as Yuna took a deep breath.

"Okay, but I trust you will report any rule violations Light. This is very important. Vanille is in trouble for trying to break out for the nineteenth time since she was admitted." Yuna said as Lightning quickly looked towards the red haired teen who rolled her eyes.

"It was only the twelfth since admission... nine since I was moved to this building. And seriously I'm not going to lose my visits and calls with Fang. I will take the pills in front of you _and_ Rosa if you both seriously doubt I will do that." Vanille commented as Yuna met the gaze. It was the first time Lightning had seen the almost timid shrink being able to stand her ground against anything. "So can I continue the tour? Or are we going to drag my good name through the mud further?"

"I promise Yuna. My goal remains the same. Shut the voice up permanently and get out of here. If it means selling anyone up the river, I'll be fine with that price." Lightning stated as Yuna let go of her hand over the door. As though she was accepting of that answer.

Taking a few breaths, Lightning closed her eyes and could just feel the claws starting to subside as she almost felt Vanille turn around to face her. "You know you didn't need to lie like that. They are just going to double whatever medication you are on now... or make you talk about the reason behind the lie... or both. Probably both." Vanille stated as Lightning held up a finger to take just a few more deep breaths.

Once she was sure nothing was going to come clawing in the form of a snide comment, she spoke up, "I'm not on any medication and until a few days ago self medicated. Plus I didn't lie... mostly. The voice is being oddly silent... I'm not really questioning further into it. You know gift horse and such." Lightning knew that she was all but opening herself up to some comment. If anything she was actually seeking it because it would make everything feel so much better.

"Strange... are you positive it isn't the violent type of voice?" Vanille asked as Lightning took another deep breath. "And by self medication do you mean the self harm... or swallowing what is in the medicine cabinet."

"Yes I'm positive... it is only selectively violent. And I mean self harm. Even did it in front of Yuna a few times... mostly what landed me here." Lightning said as the doors opened once again. Looking towards Vanille who had gestured towards the open door.

"Yeah, that would cause a place here... Yuna worries. Also raises even more questions but those can wait, the tour continues now however!" Vanille stated in a triumphant manner just raising an eyebrow to Lightning.

' _Seriously... nothing?'_

' _ **Sorry Light... I'm just not feeling it.'**_

* * *

"And here is the end of the tour... your room. Sorry again for me trying to use you to convince Kain to give us some fruit. Normally that doesn't work unless Kain and Cecil are fighting... which according to Rosa happens a lot more often than she likes." Vanille said as she took a deep breath and tossed Lightning's door open.

Opening her mouth to respond, Lightning didn't have a chance before the red haired teen plopped down onto the bed. Just the sight of it made Lightning feel wound up even further than she was already.

Before Lightning could complain about it, the girl quickly jumped off the bed and started to walk towards the door. "So I'll let you decompress, dinner is in an hour... I have no idea when your allergy test is. It may suck if you turn out to be allergic to anything. Do you know what they are testing for?" Vanille asked as Lightning walked over to her bed and took a seat on the edge of it.

"I think it is a full test... because I honestly don't even know if I'm allergic to any food. I wasn't joking when I told you that for the longest time I wasn't even with my family. I was being used as a propaganda tool by monsters." Lightning stated as she started to move back into the corner of her bed. Just wanting to be further from this woman who had already started to drain her almost entirely. _'Not to mention that I'm still probably being used as a propaganda tool by my prick of a father who has probably been head over heels for the last while'_

Grasping her hands behind her back, Vanille started to just smile at her as if waiting for some sort of response to the question she both simultaneously asked and didn't ask at the same if it was something that really didn't matter to Vanille really.

Sensing the question now, Lightning spoke up, "It is just before dinner. It is because apparently Yuna is worried if I might have some sort adverse reaction and I've already floored her husband... and could stare down a supposed old friend of theirs... who is actually really terrifying. And I'm not afraid of getting into fights. And that was the only time they could get extra orderlies just in case."

"Ah... so you want to do something until then?" Vanille asked as Lightning took some deep breaths as though it was going to work and calm her down. Or even better send a message to this woman that she was not comfortable with the current situation. "I mean I've seen people with your character type walk in thinking you can do this on your head by yourself and whoever is on the outside... but they always slide down further. Friends on the inside can help a lot further."

"Why do you care?" Lightning snapped slightly harsher than she might have intended. But that wasn't going to change anything really. She didn't want any more attention than she was already getting. She wanted really to just be alone at this point.

Not missing a beat, Vanille smiled softly at her. "Did you miss the whole I've seen people like you? Trust me, you do not want to be transferred to the southern building. No one ever really comes out of there. I mean the only reason Yuel isn't there is because she isn't really a danger to anyone... just crazy... same with me. I just have a habit of breaking out and not taking my meds. So what do you want? Mostly because you were oddly quiet during the tour."

"I just want to be alone... I'm not used to being around people this much. Not even when I was at school. I mean at points I had to be put in a special class as so I wouldn't harm others from just snapping." Lightning said calmly as she noticed the red haired woman take a step closer.

"Okay... you know where my room is though. If you need someone to talk to that isn't staff or someone close to you on the outside... please find me or any other friends you make in here."

"Fine... but can you please close the door on your way out?" Lightning asked hoping that she could find some time to just relax. Especially given how everything was starting to pile on without any sort of comfort. Even given her past... she always had something that brought her comfort."

Just enjoying the sight of the red haired woman walking out of the room and closing her door, Lightning just pulled her knees close to her chest as she tried to find anything in the room that she could find comfort in.

' _Come on... Anything? I'll take any sort of stab... I actually miss your voice. It could actually help us.'_

' _ **It won't. I know that for a fact. Maybe you should just write in your journal... or look at that picture. Both of those always calm you down. Maybe that can be what you are looking for. I can't bring myself to do anything really.'**_

' _Does that include even mocking me? Come on... we could have only a matter of minutes and I'm scared. I hear these things are really painful.'_

' _ **You'll be fine Light. You are a lot stronger than you might think... and I'll still be here... just... not talking much.'**_

The way the voice was just talking so casually was a little unnerving to Lightning. She hadn't heard anything close to this calmness. Nearly ever since the they started having full conversations. That fact alone was making her even more scared.

' _ **If you are still scared Light... do those deep breaths and counting to sixty like we used to do during Dysley's early days.'**_

As the voice stated that it made Lightning that much more terrified as she took some deep breaths and started to count up slowly by one. By the time she reached ten she could feel some of the dread leave. By thirty she could feel almost all of the dread leave, leaving her feeling relaxed. By the time she reached sixty she didn't feel any more fear.

Fear that was quickly replaced twenty fold by the sound of someone knocking on the door before it was opened by the brunette psychiatrist. "Hey Light, we got an earlier place for the test. Before we go I have to inform you of some possibly side effects." Yuna said as she walked further into the room. "We are going to be injecting small amounts of common allergens we use here under the dermis. Common side effects include some minor discomfort, some difficulty breathing, nausea, and the final common one is a skin rash." Yuna continued as Lightning noticed the two she supposed meant to be intimidatingly large men at the door.

"What about the uncommon side effects?" Lightning asked for the simple fact she knew her luck that would be where she would fall if she took the test.

"I know you are scared Light... but it is your right to ask. The uncommon ones effect around five percent of people. Those side effects include major pain, your air supply being cut off, sever skin irritations, and vomiting." Yuna said as she walked over to Lightning and lightly rested a hand on the teens forearm, "But we are prepared for those reactions. If at any point during the test you feel uncomfortable you just need speak up. We aren't trying to cause you pain. We are just trying to find if you are allergic to anything we commonly use in therapies or medication we'd give for any number of reasons." Yuna said as Lightning took a deep breath.

As the woman spoke, the words just seemed to go in through one ear and out the other for Lightning as she started to take some deep breaths and started to count once again. "Are you ready Lightning?"

"I just want to get this over with." Lightning stated as Yuna smiled and stood back up to her full height and gestured towards the door. Walking out Lightning, could almost feel the eyes of everyone on her as she could feel the counting starting to just increase the fear.

' _It isn't working... come on... I need something'_

' _ **This isn't a one way relationship Light! Shockingly I do have my own thoughts and feelings, and right now I'm going through shit that shouldn't be of concern to you for a long time if ever! Okay! I know you are going to be fine during this. Nothing they use should cause a reaction and I can't think of anything we suffer from! So can you stop acting like a scared child that is having her first long stint away from home!?'**_

"Fine." Lightning muttered under her breath as the elevator doors opened and Yuna stepped out and pointed down the long almost intimidatingly large and barren halls. It was something she couldn't really avoid now.

She had to deal with this and she wasn't looking forward to it, "We are in this room Light. There is only going to be the two behind you, me, a nurse and Sazh in here." Yuna said as she opened the door to cause Light to just take a deep breath.

"Can we please get this over with? I want to be in my room." Lightning stated as Yuna just smiled and lead Lightning over to the bed. Patting the bed, Yuna took a breath as Lightning looked around just trying to take some deep breaths to calm herself further.

"Just need to take your shirt off, or move it up at least, and lay on your stomach." Yuna said as Lightning took another deep breath and started to strip her shirt off. Just trying her hardest to ignore the feeling of eyes on her as she started to lay on her stomach.

"Ignore the scars." Lightning stated as Yuna just bit her lip just wanting to ask but knew that she could wait.

"Okay Light, I'm going to just use a felt tip marker and mark sections..." Yuna spoke as Lightning closed her eyes and just wanted to enjoy the few minutes that she had before she was in pain. Feeling the criss cross pattern stop, Yuna spoke up again. "Okay, this first one is just a control. It is the empty needle."

Yuna's soft voice was making her feel some comfort as she felt the needle prick into her back. As she breathed out in time with the needle leaving her back. "Well good news... you aren't allergic to that." Yuna said with what Lightning just knew was a tiny bit of mirth. "But now I'm going to try a small amount of something called succinylcholine... it is a paralytic but works out of the system in a few minutes."

' _ **What? Light!'**_


	14. Chapter 14

 

Chapter 14:

' _ **It's okay Light... I'm not going to leave you... I'm sorry I let that memory slip...'**_

"They aren't going to touch me again... I won't let them."

' _ **Of course we won't let them touch us again...'**_

"They aren't going to touch me again... "

Sitting in the chair, the blonde hair doctor just continued to stare at the catatonic half naked girl sitting in the corner of the room. Glancing towards the three orderlies still trying to stand up after the beating they had just been put through.

Looking towards the psychiatrist who had walked back into the room. Holding an ice pack to her jaw. Standing up, the blonde doctor turned to the men and woman who had just been beaten like they were in a school yard again.

"Okay, who wants to tell me what happened here?" The head doctor asked as the brunette psychiatrist lowered the ice pack from her jaw.

"I don't know Rosa. I was talking her through what each sample was, we went from the control to a sample of succinylcholine. A sample that should have lasted five minutes and within thirty seconds she was vomiting, her eyes glazed over, and by the two minute mark she already punched me and started beating the orderlies. I then called you as they tried to restrain her but she eventually crumbled and went into the corner." Yuna said trying to catch the head doctor up on the situation.

As they turned around to look at the once proud woman turn into a terrified girl, head between her legs, hands in her hair as she rocked back and forth in some form of comfort, Yuna spoke up again. "She didn't do it out of malice though... and she suffered some of an allergic reaction. But I think we might have triggered some sort of PTSD episode... or worse a repressed memory." Yuna continued as Rosa took a deep breath.

"Has she made any sort of connections since she started this morning? We can't hinder any more good will with her, and you being injured could hinder her recovery further... and she doesn't trust me." Rosa asked as she turned to face her employee who had a slight look in her eyes as though she didn't want to really mention something. "What is it Yuna?"

"The only person she really interacted with is Vanille... and from what the orderlies who saw them said, and from the brief interaction I had with them... they are hitting it off. But you know how Vanille is around other patients." Yuna said softly before reapplying the ice pack to her jaw.

Taking a deep breath, Rosa pinched her nose as she turned to the head orderly standing up with tufts of tissue paper up his nose to stop the bleeding, the blonde haired doctor just spoke up. "Sazh, can you bring Vanille here. Tell her, her assistance is needed." Rosa said calmly as the dark skinned man just nodded his head as he walked over to the bin and tossed the blood soaked tissues into it.

"On it." The man stated as he quickly walked out of the room.

* * *

"I freaking told you Hope. I can be a good girl when I want to be... especially when there is somethin-"

"Vanille, a word." The group could hear as Vanille deflated while sitting at the table. She wasn't sure what this was about, and she could swear that if it was Hope that was laughing, she might just break a rule and punch him there and then.

Taking a deep breath, Vanille looked down into her lap as she began to count to five. Reaching the number, Vanille looked up and spun around in the bench to stare at the orderly standing there. "Sazh I didn't do anything. Whatever anyone told you it is a lie." Vanille said as the man rolled his eyes.

"Not the reasons we need a word. There has been an incident that we can use your help. I'm sure if you come along, Rosa will gladly overlook a single maybe even a few infractions." Sazh spoke as Vanille rolled her eyes and stood up.

Following the man out of the room, Vanille crossed her arms and started to just bite her lip. Actually noticing for the first time the pseudo lock down they were on. That was actually making it far more interesting for her. Even if she was positive this was going to lead her to getting some sort of punishment that she totally didn't deserve. Especially seeing as she even followed the rules.

Stepping into the elevator, Vanille could finally take in everything as Sazh pressed a button for the medical floor. Groaning vocally, Vanille spoke up, "Are you serious? I was joking about taking the pills in front of them." Looking towards the man, Vanille could see some darken red clinging to the corner of his nostrils. "And what happened to you? Did someone go swinging? Did you swing back?"

"This has nothing to do with your medication. And yes someone did swing at me, and just about everybody else in the room. Which is also why we need you. It is about the new girl."

"What did Light do? Don't tell me you got your butt handed to you by her. You have like half a foot on her. Plus you know... you aren't crazy... and have what amounts to a gang to back you up." Vanille asked as the doors opened.

"It is complicated. Ask Rosa or Yuna when we get to the room." Sazh said calmly as they started to walk down the hallway.

"Ah, please tell me Light popped Rosa... that would just make my day for being forced to be a nark... I don't like that." Vanille muttered as she Sazh opened the door for Vanille.

Frowning as she stepped in Vanille could see the two psychiatrists standing in the room with Lightning in the corner just seemingly making her hurt a bit more at the fact she could see a woman who was in the corner in near tears.

"The hell happened?" Vanille snapped walking in getting met by a hand being placed on her chest by the brunette haired doctor that she found to be the more reasonable one given just about any circumstance.

"Vanille, this is a long story. But the quick version is during the allergy test, we might have triggered a repressed memory, a very bad one given her history. We need you to at the very least coax her to come out of the corner and into the her room. We can not afford to lose anymore good will with her this early Vanille. And seeing as you are just about the only person besides me that she trusts even remotely here, we need your help." Yuna said as Vanille glanced back towards the teen in the fetal position.

"Vanille, I'm going to cut to the chase and avoid any bargaining. If you help us, I'll forgive the radio of yours that we can never find and I'll let you continue to use it provided you continue to use headphones." Rosa stated as Vanille just smiled.

"Deal." Vanille said as she moved closer into the room. With each step she took, she couldn't seem to not notice the destruction that just seemed to have been brought to the room. Something that alone was making her wonder further what had happened in this room.

Taking a few steps towards the woman, Vanille could almost feel her heart sink at the sight of the woman uncoiling an arm that was wrapped around her leg previously and took a swing at the air that Vanille would have occupied if she continued to walk.

"Hey Light. It is just me..." Vanille said as she started to sit on her knees. She could see the tears seemingly not stopping from falling. "It's Vanille." Vanille said hoping to jog some memory.

"Light... we can wait here as long as you want."

' _ **Light... they aren't going to touch us again. Talk to me.'**_

"They aren't going to touch us again... right?"

' _ **No Light. We are so much stronger now... if I can help it I would never let anyone touch you like that again.'**_

Closing her eyes tightly, Lightning took a deep breath as she coiled her arms around her leg. She couldn't let them near her again. They were just going to open whatever was inside the Pandora's box that was her mind. She couldn't let them break her. She had survived hell once, and she would be damned if she let something that was meant to help her actually damage her further.

"Light... I won't let them touch you"

Lightning could hear the soft voice break through her clouded mind. Cracking an eye open she could see the red haired teen that had helped her that day sitting patiently just outside of her striking reach.

' _ **See Light... even that annoying overly affectionate patient won't let them... right now, we need to get to our room. From there we can close the door and nearly no one will be able to enter. If you want that extra security the door opens into the room so you just need to sit in front of it.'**_

Everything at this point was starting to confuse Lightning further. How was she meant to combat this constant assault on her mind. She was ready to just bunker down where she was. At least here she knew the guarantee of the wall was going to prevent her assailants from being able to get to her while she is at her weakest and easily her most vulnerable point.

"Light, why don't I lead you back to your room? The establishment will stay here." Vanille said softly as she could see the woman close her eyes tighter. As though she was trying to just will the situation away.

' _ **Light... we can't stay here. We are just as vulnerable. We can't control the situation. In your room,**_ _ **we**_ _ **can. Remember step two.'**_

"Light... we don't need to go now. We can go when you are ready." Vanille continued in her soft tone as Lightning's eyes opened and she started to look around. As though she was trying to prevent any and all people from getting closer to her. She couldn't let them near her again. Not after last time. They had to stay away. "Light, I promise whatever they did I won't do... I'm just here because this is the best time to be the distraction while things get smuggled in." Vanille continued, as she leaned back a little, placing her hands on the floor.

' _ **Light, this is the easiest way out. You need to trust her for a total of two hundred steps. We don't even need to turn our back on her. We will be behind her all the time.'**_

Uncoiling her arm again, Lightning started to swing ideally at the air where people were standing behind Vanille. Something that just made Vanille feel a little special about the entire thing. She had been the only one allowed close to the woman.

"Everyone except Vanille, Yuna and Sazh get out. We've got the situation covered." Rosa stated matter of factly as the group started to disperse.

Ignoring what was happening behind her, Vanille just continued to smile at Lightning. "Don't worry about them Light. Just focus on me and you." Vanille said calmly as she could see Lightning seemingly relax at that simple comment. It wasn't some large reaction, but it certainly was noticeable to Vanille.

' _ **Light, it is far easier now to get out of this room. The vile three are in a corner. We can get out of the room in five foot falls max. We could probably do it in two once we stand up. Just keep your back flush to the wall.'**_

Taking a deep breath, Lightning looked towards the people as she started to stand up slowly, her back pressed against the wall as she could see the red haired teen jump up from her spot. A smile plastered on her face as she turned around.

It was almost as if the woman was intentionally showing Lightning her back as she looked at the professionals standing there. "Can you guys go wait as far from Light as you can while still in the room?" Vanille asked as Rosa smiled a little and gestured towards the furthest possible reach from the door where Lightning would no doubt be wanting to run to.

Once she was sure that they weren't going to be anywhere near them, Vanille turned back around to Light and smiled at her. "Come on. Let's leave." Vanille said calmly as she could see the almost calculating look in Lightning's eyes. As though she was trying to figure out the best possible route for her escape from the confines that was this room.

As she could see an almost defiant smirk develop, Vanille quickly turned around and started to walk out of the room, knowing for whatever reason that Lightning wasn't going to be too far behind her. Something that was made abundantly clear as she looked behind her as she turned the corner to see Lightning nearly hugging her shadow that was cast onto the wall causing a single thought to appear in Vanille's head. ' _If she is that quiet when she clearly doesn't have her full senses... how quiet can she be if she actively wanted to be?_ '

"Don't worry Light. They won't be getting to you." Vanille said as they walked up to the elevator. Quickly pressing the button, Vanille started to turn around as so she could look at the hallway as Lightning clamoured into elevator.

She knew that no matter what this was going to be an interesting elevator ride given how naked the woman appeared to be. She could feel her mind starting to drift towards an area that she knew she really shouldn't allow it to.

Once she could hear some light padding into the metal box, Vanille started to take strides backwards into the metal box. Just wondering if Light was going to be okay with walking down the hallway if she was that naked.

Glancing over her shoulder, Vanille could see Lightning starting to hunch over in the furthest corner away from her. Turning around, Vanille just smiled at Light. "Light... it is okay. It is just us in here. I'm not going to let them touch you if you don't want to be touched." Vanille said calmly as Lightning took a shaky inhale.

It was almost if she was just barely holding herself together. Something that Vanille couldn't even begin to fathom how hard it would be once someone was catatonic as badly as she was. She knew how hard it was to hold yourself together on their first day in this place.

If Vanille was being honest there was even a few times she caught herself still not really keeping everything inside when she was by herself. But to see someone that just a few hours ago... just look so broken and nothing but a shell... it left the idea inside Vanille's mind of this place preferring to break people down.

Feeling the elevator start to stop, Vanille quickly turned around to see where they were causing her to frown internally. As the doors started to part as though they were a great sea, Vanille started to smack the close door button.

Once they were fully open, Vanille held up her hand and glanced towards the people she couldn't place a name to the faces as she spoke up, "Sorry guys, orders from Rosa. Get the next one." Vanille could see the doubt on their faces as the doors closed. Something that gave Vanille a little bit of pride as she could see they were only a floor below of where they had to be.

"Light, I'm going to try and make this last part easier for you. Once I get you to your door, feel free to run in and do whatever you need to feel comfortable again. It doesn't really matter what it is that can bring you that comfort." Vanille said as they could feel their stomach sink a little as the elevator came to a stop.

Lightning took a deep breath and the doors opened showing the almost empty hallway. The occasional door open but not a single person was there. Vanille smiled as she started to walk out of the box and smiled at the sight of the few doors that were open that were starting to close. As though Pulse was looking down on Vanille wanting her to make this next part much easier.

In long quick strides, Vanille walked over to one of the open doors, and just casually blocked it as she could see Lightning nearly jumping from foothold on the ground to the next. The long strides she was taking making the normally long distance to her room a very short one. Before Vanille could really do anything Lightning quickly passed her and nearly jumped into the room.

Slamming the door shut, Lightning took a deep breath as she started to slide down the door. She had just enough time to start coiling her arms around herself. Placing her head between her knees, Lightning could let her tears flow free now.

' _ **It's okay Light... we are safe now. They can't get in if we don't want them in, and in twenty minutes they won't be able to get in either due to the locks.'**_

The voice knew that the comfort it was bringing was so minimal to Lightning. She had just been forced to relive one of the worst memories of their past because the voice itself wasn't strong enough to hold back that dam.

' _ **Light... I can't begin to say how sorry I am. I never wanted you to relive those moments... I wasn't strong enough for you back then to stop them from holding us down... and I'm not strong enough now to keep those thoughts away. I'm sorry Light... I'm so very sorry.'**_


	15. Chapter 15

 

Chapter 15:

"So what do you think happened?" Yuna asked the head psychiatrist as she stared into the Styrofoam cup filled with probably the only thing that was going to calm her at this moment in time. The swirling chocolate coloured liquid wasn't really going to do much if she single handedly destroyed a woman who had just been barely holding it together prior to all of this.

"You know her better than I do. You tell me what you think. I'll weigh in when I feel it is necessary." Rosa spoke softly as Yuna took a deep breath and looked up at her.

"She had seemed to have an atypical PTSD episode... but the way she crumbled and started to swing makes me think that we might have ripped a repressed memory into the forefront." Yuna began as she raised the cup to her lips and took a drink. Before she continued her point, "Why does everything about her make me doubt everything I know? I mean according to her family she has repressed already a lot of memories that weren't about her sister. During her time forced away from her family."

Yuna knew she must be coming across as crazy, but she had to state her case. It was making her feel like she was on trial. She knew that there had to be a logical reason as to why Lightning had reacted in such a way but all the options that were coming up weren't looking very good.

"It was probably both judging by her reactions and even what she was saying. But that raises more questions... namely why did her mind keep the memories of her sister, I'm assuming unsullied by the test of time... I suppose the only thing we can really hope for is for her to come to us or anyone to talk about what she remembered, because if a paralytic caused that and with what she was saying..." Rosa stated trying to lead Yuna to the conclusion that she had arrived at. There had to be something deeper about this teen if she was making the best psychiatrist Rosa had ever seen besides her husband to doubt themselves over everything.

"You don't think people... you know... to her? She would have been a child." Yuna gasped out as Rosa pressed her lips into a thin line and nodded her head. As realisation started to dawn onto Yuna, she started to frown deeply. "But I feel like her family would have known that and would have told me. That isn't a small issue like her being uncomfortable on trains, that is very important for their daughter's health." Yuna said as Rosa just gave the woman a lopsided smile as she stood up.

"That only holds true if they knew about it and if we are right. Is it really hard to believe with what you've told me about her that she wouldn't repress something like that? Something that is pure destruction for a mentally sound person?" Rosa said as she began to walk towards the door. "Now get some sleep, your shift starts in a few hours and I want you to work with Lightning, as to repair some of the damage. I do not want to rely on Vanille more than we absolutely have to. She already has issues of taking on the problems of everyone."

"I know. But if Lightning will only lower her guard around her for the foreseeable future, it would be best if we group them together until she'd trust someone on the staff." Yuna said hoping that she was making the right call. She couldn't let more harm to be brought to Lightning and knew Vanille would be strong enough to hold Lightning up for a little bit longer.

"I trust you'll make the right decision Yuna. Trust your gut and don't push either of them too hard."

* * *

"Just shut up." Lightning hissed as she turned onto her side to stare at the white wall that her bed was pressed against.

' _ **Come on Light... yesterday I was silent and you were going mad because I wasn't talking. Now I'm just letting you know I'm all better and your hissing at me.'**_

"I'm missing my shirt, and for some reason I don't remember most of last night... so I'm a little mad." Lightning continued to hiss as she pulled her blanket up to just the base of her neck.

' _ **And that is somehow my fault? Must have just been a side effect from something they gave you... as for your shirt... yeah I got nothing because as you keep reminding me I'm just a voice in your head with zero corporal aspects to me.'**_

Taking a deep breath, Lightning was about to respond when the voice continued her rant seemingly.

' _ **Which hurts... but I forgive yo-'**_

Lightning could hear a loud groan as the knocking sound was filling her room. She wasn't sure if there was any knocking really given the voices tendency to anger her. She knew there was going to be something to anger her, but thus far there had been nothing to anger her thus far. It was a little shocking.

It was almost as if the voice was treating her like an injured baby bird that it was trying to nurture it back to health. It was actually starting to irk her a lot more. She didn't know how to deal with this version of the voice. But she also didn't know how to react to the silence either.

This she knew was a case of she is damned if it did and damned if it didn't do anything. The answer Lightning was looking for however came in the form of the sound of the door opening.

"Lightning, are you alright?" Lightning could hear the distinct soft voice of the psychiatrist that was meant to help her. Turning around in her bed Lightning nearly gasped at the large bruise that was along Yuna's lower jaw.

"What happened? Is that from that jackass?" Lightning asked sitting up, ignoring the nakedness as she could see the woman feel taken aback at the comment as she lightly coughed into her hand.

"No there was a minor incident last night. I got hit by a stray blow... do... do... do you not remember what happened last night?" Yuna asked as Lightning just started to grumble a little. "It is okay if you don't. It might lead to something we can medicate." Yuna continued walking over to taking a deep breath.

"I don't remember anything after you stuck my back with the control." Lightning started as she started to look around her room as though she was trying to find something. "Where is my shirt by the way?" Lightning asked as she could see the brunette just bite her lip lightly.

Taking a deep breath, Yuna just met Lightning's eyes. "You must have left it in the exam room. There was minor panic last night during the fight. Vanille walked you up as we were called away. I'll have a nurse put aside your shirt allowing you to collect it when you are ready." Yuna said as she started to scan the room.

Lightning wasn't sure for what, hell she was still trying to figure out why Yuna was so taken aback by her simply confessing she doesn't remember anything really from the night before. She wasn't sure really about anything at this moment when it came to Yuna. She was just glad that Yuna's gaze became fixated on her once more.

"Anyway, there are a few reasons I'm here." Yuna said as she walked over to the small desk that populated the corner and pulled out the chair to take a seat on it. "Because you and Vanille seem to be hitting it off, and we haven't had a chance to really sort out your own schedule I'd like to ask you to shadow Vanille. There are only two exceptions." Yuna continued as she could see Lightning relax a little.

"And what are they?" Lightning asked hoping that there wasn't going to be something major like she'd have to be on the constant look out with the teen.

"Vanille has a group meeting that I don't think you would benefit from, so when that happens I typically would have a break but I'm going to be taking you for an hour and Rosa will take you for the remaining hour. The second being I would like you to start making it a habit of writing in that notebook I gave you ever night. Write down everything that happened that day. Even the most mundane of things. Then read it back to yourself and to either Rosa or myself if you have another bout of not remembering anything." Yuna spoke as Lightning smiled a little more at the comment.

She didn't need to ruin any sort of friendship she had brewing with Vanille. She knew that Serah would at least view it as some form of progress. She didn't overly care for it though, but knew she'd at least have an excuse if Serah demanded to know why she didn't call.

"Few things... why doesn't Vanille need to write in a notebook? And is she aware of this arrangement?" Lightning asked as Yuna took a deep breath and leaned back in the chair as she crossed her legs over each other.

"Vanille for a multitude doesn't do it. The most prevalent being we already have a difficult time to get her to take her medication. But she also has a different issue. She has no problem with memory and when it comes to her case, she is more than open when she chooses to be. But I already informed Vanille of what she needed to know. Anything else you need to tell her unless we are given permission." Yuna began as she stood up a smile on her face as she picked up the chair and started to walk towards the desk with it. "But I did forget to mention something to her." Yuna said as she started to walk towards the door.

"Wait... Yuna... what did the tests say or did you not get to finish the test?" Lightning asked as Yuna turned to face her and shined Lightning her bright smile.

"We got to finish half of the samples." Yuna lied as she took a deep breath. "You had a single allergic reaction to a paralytic called succinylcholine we use in extreme circumstances. But because you are allergic we won't use it on you. But with the medication we'll give you today makes you feel anything just notify any of the staff you think you might be having an allergic reaction. They have all been informed to keep an eye out just in case." Yuna continued as Lightning at least knew that now she wasn't going to swallow her tongue while trying to get better. "Any other questions Lightning?"

"When can I use the phone? I promised Serah I'd call her as soon as I can... and she is probably ditching school until I call her." Lightning asked just wanting that out of the way.

"They are free now. Just dial three eight eight before the number, and the keep in mind the call will be recorded. If that is everything I suggest getting up now and down to the cafeteria. It is first come first served with the special of the day and once that is out it is oatmeal. And I think today is tofu bacon and substitute eggs."

' _ **I think I'm going to get sick again. How does that pass for food?'**_

"What if I want oatmeal if the alternative is that." Lightning asked as she covered her mouth in a faux gesture of resisting the urge to vomit.

"Yeah... this is the one day of the month where oatmeal is normally consumed more of... the only exception is Vanille to my knowledge and I'm positive that is out of spite."

"Okay..." Lightning said as she looked around the room. "Um... can you leave me to get changed?" Lightning continued as Yuna just smiled at her. As though she was happy with the question.

"Sure. Oh and if you find you need anything, anything at all ask a member of staff or ask Vanille to point you in the right direction." Yuna said causing Lightning to just nod along. Praying that the woman would leave her room so she could get some clothes on.

Once the brunette walked out, Lightning took a deep breath and flicked her blanket off of herself. Just shivering a little as she started to get out of the bed she couldn't help but want to prod the voice a little just because of how silent and respectful it was being.

"So you got nothing wise to say besides saying something about the food?" Lightning asked as she walked towards her baskets. Just hoping that the voice wasn't going to annoy her but at the same time knew that it was a no win solution.

' _ **What? No. My mama just taught me if I have nothing nice to say, I should say nothing at all. And you can't prove otherwise.'**_

"You just insulted what passes for special food."

' _ **That**_ **was** _ **me being nice. But if you must know... I have a gut feeling that makes me not trust the stupid shrink now.'**_

"What? Didn't club enough baby seals? Didn't tear me down a peg for no reason besides for jollies?" Lightning asked rhetorically as she grabbed one of the shirts and started to pull it on. She had to admit that she knew she was being a little unreasonable, but that still didn't make the voice immune from her anger towards it when Lightning knew Yuna was a good person.

At least comparatively saint like once Lightning considers the people she had the displeasure to know. Which remained the only logical reason Lightning could see that the voice had a slight against her getting the silence she deserved at points.

' _ **I'm hurt Light. For multiple reasons. One I only club baby seals on days ending in y. And two I don't knock you don't a peg for jollies. I do it because I know you can pick yourself back up. And after the mini-shit storm that was last night, I felt like going easy.'**_

"Because that is totally believable. As you keep reminding me you know what I know. So if that logic tracks, if I don't know something you don't. Now while I call Serah are you going to stay silent? Or find some trivial way to annoy me?" Lightning asked as she started to pull up the new pair of pants. Just hoping that she would be able to get through one conversation with Serah without wanting to shove an icepick into both ears in a vain attempt to drown the sounds out.

' _ **Again... ow Light. Multiple reasons. One there is a lot up here you don't remember because you repressed it... meanwhile I can see it like they were yesterday. And two it is never a trivial matter to piss you off. Have you notice that I never use the same method twice? That takes a lot of thought. Which brings me to my method for the day...'**_

Taking a deep breath, Lightning just smiled at the lack of sound coming from the inside of her head. Closing her door fully, Lightning nearly sprinted to the elevator hoping for some normalicy in the given situation. Not to mention the comfort she'd get from hearing Serah's voice.

Resting her head against the wall Lightning crossed her arms as she could feel the box start to descend. She could feel a small smile want to creep onto her face as she could cracked an eye open to see where she was on her quest. It actually brought her a lot of joy that she was nearly there. And once she was she'd accept what small rant Serah would go on about how Lightning broke some promise that never existed.

Once she could feel her stomach start to rise as the elevator decent was stopped, Lightning just smiled as she could see the doors start to part. She couldn't help but feel a small amount of mirth as she could see the row of telephones, all being unoccupied.

' _At least I might be able to do my normal trick to not get yelled at by her as much.'_ Lightning thought, feeling an eyebrow raise at the lack of a response as she started to walk towards them. Only having her smile robbed as she could see silver haired bow sitting on the floor with a phone in his hand.

Almost asleep, as he started to lightly nod his head to some parental figure that Lightning could guess was a parent. But Lightning had to shove the thought from her mind as she walked to the far end of the row and picked the phone up.

Taking a deep breath Lightning started to let her fingers dance across the keypad. Trying to desperately hope that Serah was going to be the one to answer. She didn't want to imagine what would happen to her if her father was the one to answer. Or the screaming match that would ensue. Especially if she was allergic to something that they would use to subdue her.

Closing her eyes as she could hear the ringing that started, just wondering where the voice vanished off too from the lack of comment. It almost always had something it wanted to add to whatever Lightning said. Even if it was something like a simple math statement.

As she could hear the phone pick up on the other end, Lightning just smiled at the sound of her sister. " _Claire? Is that you?_ "

"Yes Serah, It's me. I just got some time." Lightning stated as she could hear a light tapping sound. Groaning internally as she knew where it was coming from from experience.

' _ **Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you a hundred and twenty eight piece orchestra which will play the 'Good King Moggle Mog' opera. If anyone is crazy and is hearing this in their head... we at the administration would suggest, not talking to the annoyance that is Lightning Farron's little sister.'**_


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16:

" _Oh my god! You seriously made a friend!? Claire this is big news!_ " Lightning could hear the joy dripping from her sister's voice. The sickly sweet voice was starting to grate on her nerves a lot more than she thought it would. But it wasn't nearly as bad as the sound filling her head.

' _ **Kupta Kapa will clip your tuft, split your hairs and ruffle your fluff.'**_

"Serah, it isn't like that. She is just someone who is meant to help guide me around until they can sort everything logistically out." Lightning said softly as she rested her head against the small divider between the phones. "How is everything there? Are you being treated right? Eating properly? Doing your homework?"

" _Everything is fine here. Dad did something you might agree with. He banned Snow from being around me for a while..._ "

' _ **Jolly Kogi's eye will follow his clear, he'll fire an arrow straight into your rear'**_

Taking a deep breath, Lightning could feel herself be torn a little. She wanted to be mad at the man, but she had to admit that he did something right. It was about the only joy short of him dying that he could give to Lightning.

" _Anyways... how is everything? I'm worried Claire... you weren't loud last night were you? You always get night terrors when you sleep in a different bed._ " Serah continued as Lightning was made thankful her eyes were planted firmly into her head because she knew they would have rolled out otherwise.

"It was... fine. Especially once I got off the train. But apparently it is more than Snow that makes me mad. I beat Yuna's husband the first time we met. He didn't see it coming." Lightning said a slight chuckle in her voice as she could hear her sister gasping at the comment.

' _ **Pukla Puki plays with fire, bodies are burning on her pyre'**_

The silence was a little nerve destroying to Lightning. She wanted to know what was going through Serah's head just so she knew how to combat what was coming. That was until Serah broke the silence." _Where is the poop Claire. You are hiding something from me._ "

"I'm hiding nothing from you Serah. Nothing major happened last night. There was a fight that I wasn't a part of. That is about the only thing I was knowingly not talking about because I know how you worry over nothing."

" _Hmmm, Claire, can you remind me of what was the last thing I worried about that you claimed was nothing? Because if I recall it was you... hearing a literal voice in your head... because that doesn't sound like nothing. Especially if said voice possibly tried to get you to stab your arm with a huge freaking knife!_ " Serah yelled as Lightning just pulled the phone from her ear as to spare some of her hearing. Even if it might stop the annoyingly catchy song that is getting stuck in her head.

' _ **Pukna Pako shivs and shanks, she'll stick you in the guts and give you bellyaches'**_

Groaning a little, Lightning could feel a little bit of anger as she heard her sister continue this tirade after she had already won in her quest to get Lightning to talk. "Serah, again these conversations are recorded. And you already told Yuna about that. And I'd rather not the rest of the staff hear it. I can already feel some of the staff eyeing me up..." Lightning stated as she could almost hear the eye roll over the phone from her sister.

" _Claire, I worry about you. That is all. And I convinced Mom to come with me this Friday and we will visit you the Saturday... I swear if in the space of three days you manage to get that privileged removed Claire, I'm going to get in there one way or another to smack you upside the head._ "

Biting the inside of her cheek, Lightning was about to speak up when Serah seemed to beat her to the punch and answer the unasked question. " _Dad won't be coming. He says he has a lot of paperwork he needs to get done._ "

Breathing a sigh of relief at the comment, Lightning took a deep breath as she glanced towards the hallway she came from. She could even feel the tell tale signs of hunger pains in her gullet. "It's fine Serah. You don't need to get him. I'm sure you and Mom will enjoy the trip. But I'd love to stay and chat Serah, but I should get going. I don't know when breakfast is done, and if I get stuck with tofu bacon and substitute eggs I can't be held responsible for my actions. Plus I need to still find Vanille."

" _Are you sure that isn't some sort of torture camp?_ "

"Yes I'm sure Serah. You forget I've been in a few. I'm just unlucky that today that is the special."

" _Okay. As long as you promise you are fine Claire. I'll let you go do whatever it is people do in those places... but promise me you'll take any and all medication they give you._ "

"I already promised you Serah. So go to school today, give your boyfriend a punch in the ribs from me."

" _Bye Claire. I love you._ "

Biting her lip, Lightning couldn't believe her sister was trying to force her to say something that she knew her sister knew was a hard thing for her to do. Knowing she would need to speak up Lightning did just that "Bye Serah... and olive juice you too."

Before Serah could say anything else pointing out Lightning's lack of familial love towards her, or at least lacking the ability to vocalise it, Lightning slammed the phone back onto the receiver. Already knowing that she was going to regret it once Serah was able to put two and two together. Turning around Lightning nearly jumped at the sight of the silver haired boy standing up cracking his neck.

"Hey... how much of that did you hear? Because I swear I will honestly gu-"

"Trust me, no one here will care. The people in here have their own things to worry about... and the staff if they wanted to and had a reason to can listen to the entire thing. So seriously don't worry. I'm Hope by the way. I'm sure Vanille told you a lot about me... most of which probably isn't nice given her weird mood swings." The man Lightning couldn't believe she was finally introduced to given how often he was talked about. "Anyways we should probably get going... we do not want to get stuck with tofu bacon. No one will trade ever..." The man continued as he pointed towards the elevator.

Taking a deep breath Lightning glanced towards the metal box and took a deep breath. "Fine." Lightning muttered as she balled her hands up and started to walk towards the metal box. Just the desire to have this day over with was becoming an increasingly better idea. Even if it was just to go to sleep. But she supposed her mind would change after she got a full stomach.

"So what are you in for? You don't seem like the type to have tried to kill yourself. But I mean, neither does Vanille and she has tried a few times. Twice while in the institute." Hope began as he pressed the button before taking a few steps back to give a look around. "Like you don't need to tell me. I know Porom doesn't like to talk about it... and I'm not one that really likes to talk about why I'm here once people know the jest which is that I saw my mother die." Hope spoke calmly as Lightning took a deep breath to calm her nerves down.

"I'm suffering from hearing a voice in my head. One that has been in my head since I was kidnapped and tortured for five years." Lightning said walking into the metal box. Just getting happy that the man was at least a little bit accepting in Lightning's unspoken statement of her not wanting to really talk about it either. Even if it would only make what was to come that much easier.

' _ **Welp... I forgot the next song on the list... so I suppose we just need to start all over again. Good King Moggle Mog, good King Mog, Lord of all the land.'**_

Sighing a little at what she knew was going to be the thing to piss her off. Instead all she could really do is just suck it up and pray they get the right cocktail of drugs on the first round. Even if it wasn't going to happen right away, it would possibly help her with the road to come. One that she would enjoy if she could have the silence she sought and not the mockery and blatant anger inducing singing that she knew that it always achieved its intended purpose.

"Makes sense. I won't push you to talk. Not my place." Hope stated as the elevator came to a stop.

' _ **Crap! Light I forgot the words! I need you to say it out loud as to not make me lose the crowd up here. I think I see Duke and Duchess of Fetzima. I can't lose face here.'**_

' _That is an antidepressant not a place. And there is no other people up there.'_  Lightning spat mentally as she walked into the line just behind the silver haired boy. She had to ignore the preteens that wanted to talk over her to the silver haired boy, Lightning wasn't going to run the risk of getting that revolting concoction that was considered  _special_  food.

' _ **Light, semantics... I'm losing the crowd. Quick say the line out loud!'**_

Taking a deep breath, Lightning started to look around as she debated if it would be worth it to loose any sort of respect she had with the establishment or even her lose the only thing keeping people away at a comfortable distance.

' _I would rather eat tofu bacon than say it out loud. But the line is 'Good King Moggle Mog, Good King Mog, now come along and be a sassy Ku ~ku Po.' Now leave me alone for a bit.'_ Lightning thought as she picked up the brown tray and started to slide along with the boy she had just met. Hoping beyond hope that the voice wasn't going to make her say something stupid from a children's movie out loud.

Smiling a little as she could see the man she recognise from yesterday standing behind the counter. "Let me guess, Oatmeal?" The man asked as Lightning nodded her head. Smiling at the sight of the man reach for a bowl and the spoon in the homogeneous gruel before pulling it out and spooning some into the bowl. Getting glad that she could see there was still plenty left. Just because she knew how the small amount she was given wasn't going to be nearly enough for her to get functioning.

Ignoring the extra possible additions on the side where Hope was standing, Lightning walked out of the small partitioned area in her search for Vanille. A smile as she could see the woman quickly waving frantically for her to come over.

Sighing internally, Lightning started to walk towards the red haired teen, placing the tray down, Lightning just barely able to contain the laugh that wanted to slip free as she noticed the several pieces of bacon sticking out of her mouth. As though she was terrified someone was going to try and steal it from her.

' _ **Right well I lost face. God damn it Light! I ask one thing from you and you just make me unable to show my face anywhere near the high end of society. I was going to be moving up and all... at least you didn't screw up and get us that sadness bacon.'**_

Reaching for the spoon, Lightning nearly laughed at the protective curl Vanille gave of her plate.

"I don't want your sadness bacon. I'm fine eating oatmeal. I actually prefer it at points." Lightning said calmly as she started to scoop some of the oatmeal up. Wondering why the woman was being so defensive over something that she doubted would ever be taken from her. It was actually a little laughable to her.

' _ **Yeah... bland and nasty... just like Ma used to make'**_

Lightning resisted the urge to groan at the accent. She knew that it was probably going to be the most painful thing given this situation of how the song no longer was working. She wanted to really just scream at it to stop knowing that it wouldn't get what she wanted, but would simply get her to look like a crazy amongst crazies.

"So Vanille, what did Sazh want last night?" Lightning could hear the distinct voice of the silver haired boy taking a seat next to her, causing a small shiver. The knuckles tensing so much in the hand holding the spoon, she wasn't sure if they'd pop out as some sort of twisted jack in the box.

As she could see Vanille swallowing the mouthful of food in what had to be a painful as possible manner, Lightning let out the breath she wasn't even aware she was holding. "Shit went down in the medical wing that most of the higher ups were called for, and because Light only really trusts me thus far. Let me get the all clear on my radio though. Which is sweet."

"Ah, what happened!?" The brunette haired teen asked as he started to get comfortable at least away from Lightning.

"Someone from the east building was being transferred for some test... started swinging. Clipped a few of the staff... something like that. I wasn't exactly waiting around to find out. Those people are almost as crazy and dangerous as those in the south building." Vanille said in a manner that Lightning knew was just to catch her up on something that she couldn't really care about. In a matter of time she'd be gone and hopefully have this large segment of life behind her.

"Palom! don't speak with your mouthful of food!" A small girl yelled just behind Lightning causing her hand to tense up once again. She was wondering how people were able to get behind her this easily.

"Porom. Just sit down. Light's new and is clearly uneasy around this many people." Vanille stated as Lightning could see out of the corner of her eye a near identical copy of the boy across from her taking a seat next to her.

' _ **If only she knew that it isn't an amount of people thing... just you being a bitch and making me lose face in front of the Duke and Duchess of Prozac.'**_

"It is more of a not wanting people walking behind me because I need to resist the urge of embedding my spoon in someone's throat." Lightning corrected as she started to take some deep breaths to try and calm the hand that had tensed up.  _'And since when do Dukes and Duchesses change their domain? It was Fetzima a moment ago.'_

"So when I walked behind you? Or Porom?" The silver haired man next to her asked as Lightning took a deep breath.

' _ **You both nearly got stabbed. My girl Light almost shanked you both in the neck and would have drank the blood that spilled forth.'**_

Taking a deep breath, Lightning scooped up more of the oatmeal as she tried to think of how to phrase her next part. "Just be glad I have self control. Two more isn't anything I'd lose sleep over." Lightning said softly as she enjoyed the almost identical taste all oatmeals seemed to carry. It was in that taste that she could relax and enjoy something that she could at least find something useful in.

Even if it was something most people disliked, she could at least always remember how it was better than starving. And if she could have more it might even tide her over for a number of hours, possibly even days if she wasn't going to do anything that would require a lot of energy to be burned.

"Relax. Light is joking... I think. Just don't tempt her. I mean from what she told me, she could rip out a man's throat... knew a lot about how to do it too. And how to turn a radio into a weapon. Including the super safe ones you get here unless you learn the five finger discount rate." Vanille said as she started to pierce a number of the faux yellow on the plate that Lightning could assume as meant to be eggs.

' _ **Damn, this bitch doesn't get us Light. You need to bust a cap in her ass.'**_

"We aren't black." Lightning muttered just under her breath as she picked up another spoonful.

' _ **Light, don't be a bad doggo. I'll roll up the newspaper and smack you on the nose. Just get up and shove the spoon you keep trying to gag us with and jam it in the bubbly girl's throat.'**_

"Roll up the newspaper if you can." Lightning muttered again in a faux taunt as she scooped up what remained of the oatmeal and started to place the spoon in her mouth.

"Right well crazy conversations by herself aside, Light is cool and well be part of the group for the foreseeable future. Because they haven't given her a proper schedule so she is tagging onto mine... or at least according to Yuna. I think it is so she can nark on me if I do anything wrong because I already know Hope will sell me up the river... especially after last animal therapy season." Vanille spoke stretching a little as she started to stand up to look around for what, Light had no idea, but also wasn't going to ask. She could assume it would be something foolish and possibly life threatening if her assumption about this woman's character was right.

"Sweet, looks like I'll be getting second breakfast. You want to try and chance your arm with me Light? You have that almost kicked puppy look to you. That they'd probably give you some extra." Vanille continued as she plopped into her seat a smile still plastered on her face as Lightning rolled her eyes.

"If it is that sadness bacon I'd rather starve." Lightning stated as she could see the red haired teen roll her eyes.

"They always have gruel left... they make like a begillion pounds of it each day." Vanille said a little surprised as Lightning stood up and gestured towards the back of the food line again.

"Sweet. Dibs on her bacon." Vanille said jumping nearly over the table with her plate in hand to catch up to the taller teen. A smile ever present as she wondered how much of what Vanille told her was true and what was just Lightning trying to push the shrinks away till she got used to life now. But until then she was just going to enjoy this time with the woman.


	17. Chapter 17

 

Chapter 17:

"Anyway that is enough about how I learned I can totally get away with a lot of shit when it comes to Fang... including fires... until I tried it on myself." The red haired teen spoke to the pink haired woman as they both sat down waiting for the door to open. "What about you? I bet you could get away with a lot... I mean I'm assuming here that because if memory serves me and you are who I think you are... your family is like stupidly powerful."

"I probably am that person... but I couldn't get away with anything. For a number of reasons. Mostly my dad being a prick, and being held hostage for five years by a thankfully executed war criminal... you know beatings, burnings, bone breaking once or twice. Hell the only reason I'm here is my sister just has to never leave anything well enough alone." Lightning started as she leaned back and closed her eyes and took a deep breath as though to calm herself down. "And yet I can never stay mad at her."

"Eh, Fang is kind of similar from what I gather, maybe taller. But I mean... I have multiple suicide attempts under my belt and you hear a voice in your head that makes you talk to yourself and go towards self harm. So... I mean... how long until we cut them so deep they are damaged just like us?" Vanille asked standing up, lightly dusting off the seat of her pants as she held her hand out for Lightning to take.

"You sound like a shrink. But knowing my sister she is already in pain at the fact I'm no longer a short trip away from being able to hold her in my arms again. Personally I think she is a lot more damaged than me because she needs me nearby all the time seemingly." Lightning started lightly batting the hand away as she quickly stood up. Just cracking her back as she simultaneously cracked her neck.

As Lightning stared at the hurt expression, Lightning rolled her eyes ignoring the way Vanille followed her just glaring harshly as she possibly could. "Don't walk away. Especially after insulting me like that!? I'm nothing like a shrink!" Vanille yelled a little angry by the comments. She wanted to really smack the woman for saying something like that. The only thing holding her back was how Lightning easily took care of multiple orderlies, doctors and a few nurses... what could Vanille do against someone like that?

"Fine then. It doesn't matter. But my point stands. People who take the life and well being of someone else into consideration aren't the best judges of character. I learned the hard way it is better to put yourself first. If you have time and the ability to look after others after that point then look after them." Lightning stated as she Vanille opened the door a little slower than she assumed was possible for the hyperactive girl.

' _ **Le gasp... Light did you kick some puppies? Because that is the only thing that comes to my mind that would slow her down... or her meds are just kicking in.'**_

Shaking her head, Lightning walked into the music room. She didn't really know what it was, but she knew that this was going to be something that just seemed to drag on. She didn't want to be here, but she supposed that it was the only really annoyance she had on her daily schedule that she was meant to tag with Vanille along.

At least after this she'd be able to retreat to her room and stay there until lunch. At least then she'd be able to sit down and enjoy everything and nothing.

Walking into the room, Lightning could feel her face drift into it's stoic position just staring at the instructor standing there. At least it meant there would be less talking she'd need to do, but it would just be fine for the hour and a half that she was there for.

"You must be the new person that the staff has been told about. Do you have any experience playing an instrument?" The blonde haired staff member asked as Lightning took a deep breath, just needing to resist the urge to scream at the woman. "I'll take that as a no... if you become a staple here we will sort out some classes for you during your rec time. Until then there are some free seats up by me." The woman who was beyond annoyingly bubbly for Lightning's liking.

Walking down towards one of the seats, Lightning at least smiled at the sight of Vanille sitting at an electric piano. It was an odd choice to Lightning given how she constantly seemed the bubbly type which lead to Lightning assuming she would play something like a violin.

Before Lightning could even really register the fact the instruments were all collected and the blonde instructor was standing at the front just next to Lightning.

' _ **Ah Light! Do you think they know our jam!? You know our real jam. The one Cid made us listen to for hours and hours and hours and hours.'**_

Biting her lip, trying to figure out what the voice was getting at when the final domino ticked over and Lightning could actually place a sound to that memory. _'Don't you dare!'_ Lightning spat mentally wanting to just mitigate the annoyance she would be feeling from hearing that song again.

' _ **But Light... It's a world of laughter, a world of tears. It's a world of hope and a world of fears'**_

Biting her lip to try and resist the urge to tear her hair out just in case the orderlies in here and the staff in general in here didn't get the memo of her being allergic to the main used tool to relax someone like her.

' _ **There's so much share that it's time we're aware it's a small world after all.'**_

As the blood started to rush into Lightning's mouth, she at least took some comfort in the fact that she knew that she wasn't really going to be questioned. Namely because she knew that the only way that her misery could be heard is if the sound filling the room were to suddenly subside. The way everyone seemingly intently was staring at the pieces of paper in front of them, just meant that her misery was going to stay with her.

' _ **It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all.'**_

* * *

' _ **Come on Light. I know you know the words sing it out loud and sing it proud. It's a small world after all.'**_

"These pills can't possibly be working any slower..." Lightning muttered as she lowered her head between her knees. She just wanted this torture to stop. She supposed that was one of the reasons she was sitting in front of Yuna's office five minutes early.

There was that reason and the fact that Lightning couldn't help but feel like she had said something to Vanille to remove the skip from her step. But it was mostly just wanting someone she can talk to at this point that would get the voice to sulk in her head and by extension stay silent for a little while. At least then she might get that song out of her head. It was at the point that she knew if she ever met whoever considered making the song, she knew that she couldn't be held responsible for her actions.

The way the song was boring in through her ears just seemed to rack up the anger and pain it was causing. Something that she figured that the voice knew and was just taking a joy in causing Lightning that pain. It knew the memories that that song brought. The misery as she was forced to stay awake for days as that was being played.

Grabbing her hair lightly, Lightning nearly shot up at the feeling of a gentle hand on her arm. Snatching the arm as to prevent the offending person from running. Her eyes snapping to the heterochromatic eyes and breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of Yuna looking at her with minor concern.

Nearly throwing the arm that she was holding away from her Lightning took a deep breath as Yuna seemed to just laugh at the terror that must have been strewn across her face. "I know you aren't fond of people touching you like that Light... but I tried to get your attention verbally for what had to be ten minutes." Yuna said softly as Lightning let out the breath she had just taken.

"Sorry... it is just..." Lightning started biting her lip a little trying to figure out how she was meant to talk about how much her mind was punishing her.

"It's okay Light. Let's just go in... I'll make some peppermint tea. You seem like you might enjoy that. I know I do." Yuna said moving her arms behind her back and just shining Lightning a smile. She didn't know why but the way that it just seemed to make her feel a lot better about the way.

Walking into the room Lightning stopped as she took in the room for the first time. The way the light shined in made it look like at any point during the day Yuna wouldn't even need to turn on the light at any time of the year. The soft matte almost colours on the wall even seemed to have a calming effect.

' _ **Before you get a chance to ruin my fun I'm stopping. Besides, I already know I got the song stuck in here...'**_

In the centre of the room, Lightning could see two chairs sitting across from a small couch like thing. Between those seating locations, there was a wide faux wood table that without even trying Lightning could already assume it was nailed to the floor.

"Just take any seat you feel comfortable Lightning. I'll go and put the kettle on." Yuna said as she walked towards a small almost hidden shelf. Walking towards the couch, Lightning smiled at the sight of Yuna pulling out a key and slipping it into a hole in the front before twisting it and sliding the panel out to grab at some of the things. "You know, most people in this building wouldn't pose a danger if this was left in the open... but because we sometimes get people in from one of the other buildings who do... I need to lock it up when not in use." Yuna said clarifying as Lightning pulled her legs up to her chest, Lightning just watched the woman work.

"Vanille said something like that... is there some sort of code I'm not aware of?" Lightning asked as Yuna pressed a small switch at the base of the white plastic contraption and walked back towards Lightning.

"There is but there isn't. As a rule of thumb, those in the south are just above the line of criminal insanity. The east building are for those that need full time care but aren't fully in control of their actions. The north building is typically for mental evaluations and the young children who are here... and here in the west building, we deal with kind of a mixed batch. Everyone is in full control of their actions and might even need full time care in the case of a few which is why this building has a medical wing. But we also have people here who are going to be here seemingly for the rest of their natural life. Not that we don't want them to get better. But they are just stuck in the worst part of their life and we can't seem to pull them out." Yuna clarified as the soft popping sound seemed to signify something as she stood up and walked back towards the kettle.

' _ **Welp... looks like they are in for the long haul... pity we aren't. Right Light? So while you are distracting her with the words and what have you, I'll figure out an escape plan.'**_

"I'm not running." Lightning whispered to herself as she closed her eyes tightly. She knew that Yuna probably heard but she also knew that Yuna would do the polite thing and wait for her to bring it up.

She supposed that was one of the reasons she enjoyed talking to Yuna compared to the few her mother had forced her to go to. That and the fact that Yuna clearly didn't give a fuck about what pull her parents had. She was concerned for her. Not to mention no matter how much Lightning had tried to get her to drop something through any means at her disposal, she just didn't.

It was almost like she was a crocodile in that regard. Once she had something in her jaws, nothing was going to get her to let go of it. Which if Lightning as being honest it was more of an annoyance than anything else. But she supposed, Serah wouldn't see it like that. She would only see it as a positive.

"So did you talk with Serah this morning like you wanted to? I know the phones down there can get busy." Yuna asked as she walked back towards the table with two mugs in her hands. The smile on her face only drew Lightning's attention to the bruise along her face. She could still feel a little pang as she knew someone was walking around when they probably shouldn't.

"Yeah. It was pretty barren this morning. It was just that Hope person." Lightning said softly as she uncoiled an arm and reached across for the handle of the mug. A little happy with the sharp smell that filled her nose. If she was going to be honest that she could actually feel it working a little.

"How is she? Was your worry founded?" Yuna asked as she leaned back a little, resting a leg just over the other. The smile never waning as she waited patiently for Lightning to give a direction in how she was feeling about the topic.

"Yes. She has been out of school since the day you came to the house. It isn't worry when I know how my sister will act now is it?" Lightning said softly as she blew into the mug to cool the hot water.

"I suppose it isn't. But people don't always react the way logic would dictate. For example your penchant for hurting yourself. All logic is pointing in the opposite direction. Is it hard to believe that your sister would fall into the category of being human?" Yuna said with a small chuckle as Lightning took a deep breath, one that was meant to calm the small fire of anger that was brewing in her gullet.

Snapping her gaze from Yuna to the contents of her mug, Lightning just smiled faintly at the faint greenish liquid that filled it. She knew what Yuna was getting at. But it still just felt like an insult towards Serah.

"I suppose not... but Serah is a creature of habit. She always has had the same sort of reaction towards anything. If it is ice cream it is to practically trample people for it. If it is something about me that I can't control she feels like it is her duty to rip what control I have and give it to someone else that might be better suited for it."

' _ **Like a bitch! But this is good... do you have any issues taking hostages Light? I mean it would make all plans easier... unless you are going the stealth route. Then it makes it a lot harder.'**_

Raising the mug to her lips, Yuna took a small sip before she realised Lightning was done her point. "That is just sounds like normal sister things. I mean you might not have met her yet, but Lulu is like an older sister to me. About the same amount of years between her and me and you and Serah. And I know if she wasn't in control of something I'd pull the control from her and give it to someone who I know has the best chance of helping her. And I'm sure you and her would do the same for Serah and me respectively."

"I had handle the voice up until that point just fine. All it takes is minor disregard for my own health and safety. I'm sure Serah could handle something like that as well if she tried." Lightning lied softly, already knowing that Yuna was probably going to see through it.

This woman had been able to see through all of her previous lies, but she never seemed to let on how much of it she knew was a lie. Which made it all that much harder for Lightning to figure out how to lie to her.

"I know you don't mean that Light. But tell me are you feeling anything strange from the pills you took today?" Yuna asked with genuine concern in case there would be a repeat of last night. This line of questioning also had the benefit of giving Lightning the ball to decide what to do with it.

"No... besides the voice being oddly more annoying today." Lightning whispered as she took a gulp from the mug. Knowing that the burning was going to raise some red flags with Yuna but that didn't really matter to her. It would shut the constant throwing of outlandish ideas. "It just got done singing 'It's A Small World' to me... mostly why I was here early. There are some bad memories attached to that song." Lightning said softly as she could see Yuna's face shift a little as though she was making a mental note about something.

"Is it just the chorus?"

"The whole song. And before you ask, I also don't want to talk about the memories attached to that song." Lightning stated as Yuna lightly shook her head.

' _ **Come on Light, what child doesn't have some bad memories of it? I'm just trying to regain face with the Duke and Duchess... it is their favourite song after all.'**_


	18. Chapter 18

 

Chapter 18:

"So Lightning, I sense something has been on your mind?" Yuna said lowering the mug down onto the table. Wondering how bad the need to pee was going to increase given everything. But she could hold out for the minute left before Rosa took over.

"Nothing." Lightning snapped a little as she squeezed her legs tighter to her chest.

' _ **Light is a liar. And if that old taunt is true, we should get off the couch... I don't think they can afford to buy more. Especially if they were to keep up with the rate you lie.'**_

Interlacing her fingers, Yuna stared intently at Lightning as though it would break the woman's resolve to keep this charade up. Seeing the resolve almost turn to steel in the teen's eyes, Yuna sighed a little.

"Lightning, I know something is up. But I can't force you to talk about what is on your mind. Just a word to the wise, I might actually be able to help you. But I can't do that if I don't know what the problem is." Yuna said softly as she waited for Lightning's stance to break.

' _ **So Light... from what pole or gallows will they dangle tonight?'**_

"It isn't anything terrible. I promise." Lightning muttered calmly as she could see Yuna standing up, lightly dusting her lap as she grabbed the two mugs on the table. "That's it?" Lightning asked a little hoping that Yuna wasn't going to just drop it. The trust she'd be placing in Light which was just unfounded was a little mind boggling to her.

"That's it. I can't force you to talk about something you don't want to and still help you. All I'd end up doing is hurting you in the short and long run. You'll talk when you feel comfortable. Until then or the medication works if we got the guess right, we have to trust that you can handle it." Yuna stated as she started to slip the items back into their home.

Turning around, Yuna smiled a little at the sight of Lightning relaxing at that clarification. It was something that was making the psychiatrist relax at the notion of this potentially very violent person just needing something like that to relax into a comfortable position.

"Rosa asked me to send you up to her office for the next hour, did Vanille show you where it is?" Yuna asked as Lightning seemed to have tensed up once again. That simple action raised a few more questions to Yuna but knew that Lightning was as far talking as she was comfortable with. "It's fine, I'll take you up there. I just need to lock the room up. Again safety reasons... mostly thanks to Vanille. I swear she has more failed escape attempts than days here." Yuna continued as Lightning tensed up once more.

' _ **Ah... so Light, make up with your friend and ask her about her attempts... I might be able to think of a way then... or get cookies... both work.'**_

' _Why is your first thing for you is always violence or something sugar filled?'_

' _ **Some people would argue that it is because you are lacking in the key food groups. You are missing out on cake and really big cakes... but Yuna has been talking... how much you want to bet it is something boring. Like 'we should really get going if we are to go to pill land... that squirrel always gets the good shit' or something like that.'**_

Shaking her head at that comment, Light tried to focus on Yuna to see if she could figure out what was being said in her absence. Not that it was a wilful ignoring of the conversation. She just didn't want to test the patients of one of the only people to actually care about her.

"Have you ever realised that when the voice says something you think is stupid or would make people mad you do that?" Yuna asked as she slipped the key out of the lock and into her pocket, just turning around to look at Lightning raising an eyebrow. "The shaking your head like you were trying to remove the thought from your mind. So which was it?" Yuna clarified as she gestured towards the door for Lightning to go ahead of her.

"That isn't entirely right... you've just talked to me around people I don't mind. Put me in a room with my Dad and I wouldn't be shunning the violent thoughts." Lightning started as she could see Yuna almost pale a little at that comment, but it wasn't really going to be something that Lightning cared about. The point was going to hold true regardless of how much the psychiatrist didn't like it. "And it was talking about a squirrel who takes all sorts of pills." Lightning continued as Yuna opened the door for her and started to walk just behind her a little.

"Where have I heard something like that before... isn't that some cartoon?" Yuna asked as Lightning just shrugged her shoulders. She wouldn't be surprised if it was given how much the voice enjoyed taunting her over the smallest of things. "I'm sure it will come to me when I'm not thinking about it." Yuna continued in her off handed manner as she pressed the button on the elevator.

Closing her eyes, and patiently waiting for the elevator to come, Yuna couldn't help but take a small amount of joy at the sight of Lightning relaxing her stance but she knew from the times she had seen people fight that Lightning was still keeping her guard up. Just getting ready to lash out at anything to protect herself. Her actions were closer to that of a snake than a human.

Walking into the small confined box, Yuna couldn't help but feel anxious with this woman who in an open area was able to fend off a lot of people and still hurt all of them while coming out seemingly unscaved. She just had to trust that this Lightning was the one that didn't want to cause anyone harm.

As the doors opened, Yuna smiled faintly at the sight of Rosa's office door being the only one open. Smiling as she quickly gestured down the hallway, Yuna started to smile. She could almost feel a small smile as she lightly rapped her knuckles against the door.

"Hey Rosa. I just brought Lightning up because I wasn't sure if Vanille showed her where your office was." Yuna said as she turned her head a little to see Lightning holding herself a little as though she was still terrified of talking to anyone else. Not that she could really find any fault with how fragile she seemed some of the time.

"It's fine." Rosa stated as she stood up from her chair, "Lightning can you come in?" Rosa asked as she started to walk around the desk towards the door. If she was being honest she was intrigued more and more about this teen the more and more she heard. If what Yuna had told her about the memory of last night vanishing there might be even more of an uphill battle then they had once thought.

Getting to the door, Rosa grabbed the handle as she could see the pink haired teen slowly moving into the room. As though she was still not trusting of the head psychiatrist. "Thank you Yuna." Lightning muttered as she slipped into the room.

"Enjoy your lunch Yuna. I'll make sure her and Vanille get back together." Rosa said as she could see the brunette starting to walk off. Closing the door, Rosa nearly jumped at the sight of Lightning staring at her just in front of the chairs. "Have a seat. Please." Rosa said regaining control of her heart rate.

"I will once you won't be behind me." Lightning muttered as Rosa shook her head and started to take the route that would put the most distance between her and Lightning to get back to her desk. Picking up a few things she could see Lightning relax slumping a little into her seat.

Quickly moving her own chair into a position so she could face Lightning and not have anything between them, Rosa smile a little as she could see Lightning seemingly finding nothing wrong with what was going on. "I hope you don't mind, but my memory is nothing like Yuna's so I can't wait till after these meetings to transcribe the notes, so I'll need to do it during our talk. But I will still be giving you my undivided attention." Rosa said taking her own seat as she placed a clipboard into her lap and handed Lightning a small box.

Shaking the box a little to urge the woman to take it. Seeing the eyebrow raise Rosa rolled her eyes a little. "Honestly you are as sceptical as my husband. It is just a few hundred piece puzzle. I find when people do mundane tasks they relax a lot more and can still keep their guard up. You don't need to do it, you can focus solely on it. I don't mind either way. It is merely an offer."

Grabbing the box, Lightning wormed her thumb under the lid before she flicked it up so she could actually look at the item she was given. As she stared at the almost uniform colour that was across the pieces.

Reaching in to grab a piece and to inspect it closer, Lightning could feel an eyebrow raise as she could feel the piece entering an extra axis. Grabbing it and pulling it out, Lightning lowered the box as she tried to find where the pieces were joined.

"It is a three dimensional puzzle that an old patient of mine designed. He actually has become a force to be reckoned with when it comes to puzzles. He told me that it should take a focused mind at least five hours to figure the first part out." Rosa said as Lightning quickly tipped the box out to try and figure this out.

As the blonde woman started to just focus intently at the way the teen had taken to the puzzle she couldn't help but feel an eyebrow raise as she watched her start to sift through the pieces. Deciding to move this along a little bit, Rosa decided to speak up. "I'm sure Yuna has told you already. What you tell me will not leave my lips unless you say it is okay. I do not know what you and Yuna talk about and only know the bare details about everything when it comes to y-"

"I'm not one really for talking... especially when I don't exactly trust people who say things like that." Lightning stated as she clicked one piece into what had to be it's place. It was the only one that really made sense to her.

"That's understandable. I get that Yuna has more of your trust than I do. And I'm sure if you talk to Vanille about me she'll list off a number of false hoods because she has been dragged in here a number of times in the last month for either endangering the patients or staff, to one that seems to be her favourite of attempting to escape."

' _ **Ah Light that isn't right! That piece should go on the first one you had. It is the only one that makes sense.'**_

"Vanille isn't that bad..." Lightning muttered just deciding to drop the piece she was going to connect with the one in her adjoining hand and reached for the first one she had. Just not in the mood to deal with that uphill battle knowing it would end up killing her in some way.

"Vanille can be if you are an authority figure. She won't harm you or even the staff here, but she doesn't like being told what to do." Rosa stated as she leaned back, and raised an eyebrow at the sight of Lightning seeming to just get farther in the puzzle than she had seen anyone else. "And Vanille's actions aren't inherently up for debate with us."

' _ **Light come on... stop trying to solve and start sorting. It will go a lot easier.'**_

Rolling her eyes, Lightning decided to just ignore the voice on that one point. She knew it was probably just going to be a test and she wasn't even close to being in the mood for a test when it is on something that she knew she could do her way and still not spend much if any extra time.

"Huh, you are going through that puzzle a lot faster than I thought possible... it normally takes Palom and Porom an hour to get to that point." Rosa said in an attempt to bait out some sort of reaction from Lightning. She wanted her to know how much of Lightning was genuine and knew that if she could get Lightning talking it would be a lot easier to get a grasp on what was genuine and what was fake.

"You pick up how to solve puzzles when your life depends on it." Lightning spoke softly as she started to sift through the pieces to try and figure out which one was going to be placed in the next spot.

Sensing that Lightning was trying to shut her out, Rosa knew she had to go blunt to get an answer to her main question. "I heard from Yuna that you don't remember what happened last night... is memories slipping past you common? Or what?"

Stopping in the middle of slipping a piece into its place, Lightning took a deep breath as to try and calm herself down. "I wouldn't say common... it just happens." Lightning responded as she finished slipping the piece into its place in the puzzle. Glancing up Lightning looked at the blonde doctor writing something down on a sheet of paper as she waited for something to continue the conversation.

"When was the last time a memory just vanished or you are just missing time?" Rosa asked just wanting really to know how often this happened just in case it was something like self medicating. She knew from what Yuna had told her that Lightning's sense of self preservation was shaky at best. She was content with suffering and mutilating herself if she felt it was the just answer.

"Last one I know for sure... was about ten years ago... I still had a sense of time passing at that point with Dysley... after that I came to in a box on a train late at night. And my sister was missing... everything else is blank. When I got a glimpse at a calendar a few days later I was missing a month and I was in a lot of pain." Lightning muttered softly as she picked up another one of the pieces and quickly found where it was meant to go.

' _ **Eh... I'm sure nothing bad happened anyway... I mean we did meet in that box after all... so only good had to have happened.'**_

' _And yet I still can't get you to shut up when I want.'_ Lightning thought as she let her dexterous fingers slip another piece into place.

' _ **Are you sure you aren't bipolar Light? You keep shifting your lines of thought and taking it out on me.'**_

Ignoring the comment and the sound of the pen being dragged across the paper, Lightning couldn't help but feel a small sense of joy as she could see the sphere taking shape. Forcing the piece to dance on her finger tips, Lightning could feel her head starting to rest upright once more as the side she had been working came into an easier view for her.

"You said that you knew for sure... are there times you aren't sure about?" Rosa said softly as she leaned forward a little to get a better glimpse at the puzzle. She was a little happy that she could see someone was able to get a lot further than she could ever hope to.

"A few... the most recent one of that was a few years ago and I've been able to piece it almost entirely together... mostly from my sister's help. And the shattered windows. It was only a few hours though. So I suppose it was an easy enough puzzle to solve." Lightning began as she lightly forced the sphere around once again "It was about how I must have snapped at my sister creeping up behind me... instinct took over and I broke some of her bones... I don't know how or why... I just did. When she was taken to the hospital by my parents... I started punching windows in my room trying to tear my arm open... which it worked. Then Serah being the moron she was with one hand helped me sew my arm shut once she got back. And that was about when my memory picks back up." Lightning continued as she flipped the puzzle upside down and rested it away from the pile of pieces.

As she started to sift through the pieces she smiled as she could figure out how to build an extra part of the sphere as so she could join them and solve it slightly easier. "You don't sound very pleased with figuring something like that out... it is a gap in knowledge. Humans want to remove all those gaps." Rosa reasoned as Lightning bit her lip a little as she found two pieces that locked together.

"When you have a lot of gaps it is easier to just ignore the need for answers and just be happy you are breathing. I know that is the case with me. It doesn't really matter I picked up an extra mental roommate." Lightning stated as she started to build the knew part of the sphere all over again. As though this really didn't bother her all that much.

' _ **Ah Light... calling me a roommate... that would be a lot better if you didn't keep leaving the empty milk carton in the fridge... and the peanut butter is gone. And any time I get some more my puppy gets really happy.'**_

' _Figurative roommate. And I'm not going to pick that apart for the sake of both of our sanity.'_

' _ **You know this isn't fun if you don't play along... I'm going to go back to table tennis.'**_


	19. Chapter 19

 

Chapter 19:

"I don't know why it hurt so much... but I mean... I saw at least the aftermath last night. She is able enough to help people... and maybe what caused it to hurt so much is because she has the same attitude everyone does." The red haired teen stated as she glanced up from the pillow she had been laying on. She knew that the psychiatrist was probably going to help her get to the bottom of what was making her confused.

The only thing she had to do was push aside some of her pride in being able to get through these entire events by lying. But this was one of those rare times where she felt like she had no choice but to say the truth. It would make things so much easier in the long run.

"I'm sure Lightning has shared with you about as much as what she has me... just in case, what has she told you about her early life?" Yuna asked lightly as she toyed with her finger tips with the thumb on the hand as she looked at Vanille shrug a little.

"Not much... she was held by Dysley during the purge... but so were a lot of people."

Smiling a little at that nugget at least seemed to a common topic with Lightning that she didn't really seem to mind speaking about. It made it a little easier for her to put Vanille's mind to rest. "Not in the same way Vanille. From what Lightning's sister has told me I don't feel like this will void the doctor patient confidentiality, think less victim during mass killing and more toy he could do with what he wanted." Yuna said as she could see Vanille at least pick up a little at that clarification. "So for Lightning, that was all she really could do to get her through it. She didn't have anyone but herself and from what I'm sure you gathered the voice in her head to help her out. For years."

Sitting up, Vanille looked at Yuna who she could have sworn looked just as worried. "Is that why she was in the corner last night after she just destroyed a room?" Vanille asked as Yuna leaned back in her seat and just met the green eyes.

"That I know is part of doctor patient confidentiality. Use your own judgement but do not bring it up to her just yet. She may do something a lot worse knowing she caused people pain. That is one thing I'm surprised you hadn't managed to pick up on." Yuna started as she could see Vanille's eyebrow raise as though she was trying to figure out every interaction she had with Lightning to see what it was that she supposedly missed. "Lightning is a strange case in that she is a guardian. She'll let people wallow a while so they can try and get out by themselves as so they can grow... but she will step in if she thinks you can't. I mean the first time she met Tidus she floored him because he did his normal surprise hug and she thought I was going to be harmed."

Seeing a small smile start to creep up on Vanille's face Yuna couldn't help but feel a little happy that she had been able to restore some of the mirth in the woman. It was almost like the universe was being righted a little. "But besides that all, how are you? Did you take your medication?" Yuna asked trying to at least figure out if all their efforts at essentially emotional blackmail would fall short.

She still wasn't even sure if this was the right way to go about healing Vanille, but she just had to stand by Rosa's decision. She had been doing this a lot longer than Yuna has, and knew how to help people a lot quicker.

"Yeah... I don't want to lose my time with Fang. I could care less about the rest of the things. But Fang is the only reason I've been able to get through some bad times here. It is just I'm still not crazy about taking some of these pills." Vanille muttered as she went back to laying down again. This was a cycle she had seen Vanille enter a few times and knew that if she didn't tread carefully Vanille might not be able to pull out of the spiral again.

"Most of them Vanille are just to get you back to where you started. None of what you are taking is a permanent solution. It will just help you to one." Yuna began softly as she lowered her leg down. "Do you want some tea? I think you earned some. I even have some Pu-erh. I know that is your favourite." Yuna asked standing up trying to cheer Vanille up a little.

"Tea sounds good." Vanille mumbled into the pillow as she could see Yuna walk towards the almost hidden part of the room that contained all kinds of contraband that if she got her hands on she could probably do something amusing with. But she had to shove those thoughts out of her mind.

' _Remember Vanille... Fang's visitations... can't do anything bad. It is going to be worth it... you can make smoke bombs later._ ' Vanille thought knowing that it was really going to be worth it. She just had to wait.

"Why would someone keep someone like Lightning? Like I have the vaguest memories of seeing her parents on the news before and during Dysley's trial... but never really her." Vanille asked just trying to take her mind of some sort of mischief she could be getting up to.

"I don't know. I don't even think Lightning knows. We can only speculate. But is this really how you want to spend your time Vanille? Talking about Lightning? Because you know I don't mind doing that, but it seems to be a bit of a strange topic."

"Yes... it is the only thing that changes really here is the new people. Nothing else really does." Vanille said softly as Yuna smiled a little as she walked back over with two mugs and rested one down in front of Vanille. "Thank you for the tea by the way."

"Your welcome Vanille. Well what would you like to talk about when it comes to Lightning? Keeping in mind she is also a patient of mine so I can't discuss much." Yuna asked as Vanille started to sit up properly, her back pressed to the foot of the chair.

"Why am I meant to be her guide? Can't you guys just make her a schedule that will do her however long?" Vanille asked rhetorically just wanting to get to the end of that line now before it got too far and she couldn't really voice how she would or wouldn't mind it.

Giving the teen a lopsided smile, Yuna just took a deep breath as she tried to figure out what she could say and what she couldn't say. It was a fine line and she knew that but she also knew that Vanille if she was really bothered by it wouldn't be sitting this quietly. She'd be very vocal about it and would have no issues fighting it knowing that it would be sanctioned by the rules unless she brought harm to herself or others.

"Lightning isn't what most people consider trusting. She trusts a single person unquestioningly and fully. That being her sister. The closest second for whatever reason is you. She is guarded nearly every other time. There is a theory however that we are kind of trying here. Rosa and I are hoping that a few weeks with you will get her to open up and trust a bit more." Yuna said as she could see Vanille's expression shift into one of confusion. "I know that sounds bad, almost like we are using you. But we aren't. Lightning just needs to be around you, and you can still back out with no side effects. Being around you is purely for Lightning's benefit."

The way Yuna was continuing as digging her figurative hole deeper, but she could at least see the point was getting home to Vanille with how her facial expression was diverting to something a bit easier to distinguish.

"Why? Is it really bothering you? As far as I know you've had no trouble helping people... even if they say something that hurt you. Not to mention that I doubt Lightning intentionally did it."

"No. It just bothers me that even someone so capable like her has the same harmful view of the world." Vanille muttered as she reached for the mug to take a large but careful drink from it.

"Again Vanille. You both had vastly different early lives. But this is just going to get cyclical. Let's talk about the chocobos instead. It is hatching season soon isn't it?"

"Yeah..."

* * *

"Remarkable... I've never even seen the creator get to this point this fast." Rosa spoke as she could see Lightning just shrug her shoulders a little as she placed the final piece. Her smile faltering as she lowered the sphere like object down onto the top of the box. "Would you mind if I get a picture? Palom and Porom have been trying to get to the solved state for the guts of a year."

"Go ahead... and it isn't that hard of a puzzle."

' _ **You tell her Light. We just have a better set of skills than most when it comes to problem solving... like how to remove two dick weeds when all we got is a spork... or an annoying person when we just have the chance to spread a rumour about the lack of smooshing a pupper's face.'**_

' _Do you mean the animal or some other stupid name for a shape?'_

' _ **Yes.'**_

Laughing a little as she pressed the button on a camera, Rosa just carefully walked back around her desk and placed it down as she looked at Lightning drifting into a more sullen appearance. "You say it isn't hard of a puzzle... but I suppose that is because I've never really been good at spacial awareness." Rosa continued as she walked back towards her seat, just to cross a leg as she met Lightning's gaze. "So we still have half an hour. Would you like to talk about anything else that is on your mind?"

"Nothing really is on my mind." Lightning spoke just glad there wasn't some sort of rude snide remark to her statement. Reaching forward, Lightning started to disassemble the puzzle as she at least wondered a little what was going to be the next big thing she'd be doing with Vanille in a group like setting.

"I'm sure Yuna has mentioned this to you countless times before Lightning, we can't help if you don't talk. Which creates a small issue because we can't force you to talk about something if you don't want to." Rosa spoke as she reached between her leg and the chair to pull out the clipboard so she could continue to write down some notes.

"I know. But the stuff on my mind is just stupid things I can take care of. I just need time."

' _ **Maybe calling you a liar in English is the issue... how about Mentirosa or Lügner or Menteur... and that is about the only languages I can think of what liar is... or is it? I could be lying about what they mean?'**_

"It is almost always something petty I just don't want to subject people to listening. I mean I'm already crazy but I'm sure there is still further I can fall." Lightning muttered as she felt at least some minor joy from seeing the model of Cocoon fall into the pieces she often felt like it deserved to be in.

"Lightning, our job is to listen to you. No matter how petty you might think it is. And we only judge when we believe you to be risk to yourself."

Taking a deep breath just to calm herself down and push her away from the comment that she knew she could say but knew that the joke would probably be overlooked and they would take her seriously. Even if she didn't say anything else that would possibly warrant that.

"I'm fine with not sharing for now." Lightning spoke as she could hear her stomach start to rumble loudly. Lightly gripping her hoodie as though it would stop the sound coming from her.

' _ **Light... do you have a pupper in your shirt? And your not smooshing its face? This is treasonous.'**_

' _It is my stomach you moron.'_

' _ **I'm rubber and you**_ _ **'**_ _ **re glue.'**_

Chuckling a little as Lightning seemed to loosen her grip on her shirt. "Did you not get any breakfast?" Rosa asked as Lightning started to pull back into her chair as though she was trying to turn into a small ball as she stared at the blonde woman.

"No I did... I had multiple bowls..." Lightning muttered as Rosa just gave her a lopsided smile.

She didn't see any eating disorder tendencies from the notes Yuna had handed her, but that didn't mean that the woman didn't miss the signs. Especially given how much she was surprised by the teen's actions. She could even see at some points why Yuna would doubt anything about what she learned of Lightning, it was at the point that she was tempted to research what she could about the information of the teen in the public records.

"Well, your lunch period is in an hour. Think you can make it to then?" Rosa asked calmly as she took a chance to size up the way Lightning started to relax a little at that comment. "But I have to know Light... do you have anything like Anorexia?"

As if those words seemed to ignite a fire under Lightning she jumped up from the chair to stare Lightly at Rosa, just barely able to hold herself back from delivering a blow that would destroy her staying where she was. But she knew how satisfying it would be.

Confident she wasn't going to snap, Lightning took a seat as she took a deep breath. "No. I ate a lot. I just have a super fast metabolism... normally I'd eat at least double calorie wise what I did this morning. So I haven't really been given a chance to recuperate the amount lost the last few days from being on the train and here... I don't even know if I had dinner last night." Lightning said as though it was going to make Rosa forget about her reaction.

As she could see Rosa writing something down like she had been throughout their conversation she just felt like she should at least repair some of the bridge that she had destroyed. "I'm sorry about reacting like I did. It is just I've been starved... multiple times. Once you feel those hunger pains and know there is no chance that you are going to get over them it makes you mad hearing about people who intentionally forgo eating..." Lightning muttered as the blonde woman clicked the small button on top of the pen as she looked at the pink haired teen.

"Light, don't apologise like that. Those reactions can actually tell us a lot. The only time you need to apologise is when you hurt someone. Be that mentally or physically." Rosa stated as she could see Lightning trying to revert back into a ball form as though it would prevent Rosa from lashing out at her if she ever wanted to. "And I understand that kind of anger Lightning. I was merely asking because you seem to defy a number of standards in the field. So I just had to be sure."

' _ **Now I'm no expert... you've only read like a single section of a medical dictionary about voices in your head... but I'm starting to doubt her qualifications. What do fields have to do with you being crazy?'**_

"That isn't what she means and you know it." Lightning muttered just under her breath as she reached up to run her fingers through her hair, as though it was going to stem any sort of pain that she would be in.

Hearing the laughing that she couldn't be sure as to where it was coming from, Lightning closed her eyes and took a deep breath as though she was going to be able to silence the voice through sheer will. She knew that it would be the first time but she had to try just in case.

"Lightning... are you okay?" Rosa asked standing up from her chair and dropping the clipboard behind her. Walking a few steps closer, Rosa stopped remembering what Yuna had told her about Lightning and her dislike of people touching her. She knew that her being closer to the woman might help her case, but she didn't want to be on the receiving end of what Lightning did last night. "Lightning, can I have something to work off here? What is the matter?" Rosa asked calmly.

Lightning could feel the hand in her hair start to develop a shake as she just took a deep breath. "I think I'm having a reaction..." Lightning muttered as she held the twitching hand out. As though that was going to be proof enough for Rosa.

"Do you mind if I touch you Light? I just want to get a pulse." Rosa asked as Lightning shook her head as she felt her wrist get caught between fingers. After a few seconds, Rosa took a deep breath. "It isn't a reaction." Rosa said calmly as she walked back around her desk and picked up the phone and started to punch a few buttons.

"Then what is it!?" Lightning snapped as Rosa took another deep breath.

"Continue breathing Lightning. If I'm right, you are just entering low blood sugar. So I need you to calm down the best you can as I get some things up here."

' _ **Does that mean we get cookies now? Who ever knew you being crazy may net us cookies. For once I'm happy to call you a roommate. Because I get to do the cookie song... you'll need to do the accompanying dance.'**_


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20:

"And how low was her blood sugar again?" Yuna asked softly as the duo could see Lightning eating. It was kind of remarkable that in the space of the two hours she was with Rosa, Lightning had not only made an impression but she had managed to have her blood sugar dip low enough to show serious signs of low blood sugar.

"Once I could get her still enough to test her blood sugar she already had some honey but it was just around thirty five milligrams per decilitre. And she claims she ate a lot for breakfast... Kain even backed that up saying he was surprised to see someone eat five plus bowls of oatmeal." Rosa said as Vanille in the meantime managed to grab one of the cookies from the plate and started to eat it as Lightning continued to eat. "I can see why you are doubting yourself with her though. I know how much sugar Kain laces his oatmeal with to make people eat it. In the space of four hours she was able to burn through a lot of calories and sugars."

"I swear her parents didn't tell me she had any sort of dietary thing. There was nothing in the files I sent you, and even her sister didn't tell me. A woman who plays fast and loose with information she has about Lightning." Yuna said trying to desperately defend her stance as Rosa shook her head. The one action that made Yuna's stomach sink knowing how her superior acted when it came to information like this.

"I believe you Yuna, but at this point I need to call her parents. At best they didn't know. At worse, they intentionally jeopardized Lightning which puts their ability to look after their other daughter in doubt in my eyes." Rosa said trying to show her reason to Yuna that she wasn't actually peeved at her. "I'll make sure Vanille gets to her arts and crafts. I want you to talk to Lightning and find out if there are any other sort of surprises and explain to her how dangerous low blood sugar is." Rosa said as she gestured to lead the way towards the duo.

Taking a deep breath, Yuna started to walk as she could at least hear Vanille had cheered up at least. Same with Lightning. It brought a small smile to her face because she knew that both seemed to have a cloud over their head. She could even hear Vanille laughing about some story about how she can't wait for the month where they typically bring in young animals for both human and animal benefits.

"Vanille, come on. I'll bring you back to arts and crafts." Rosa said as Vanille deflated a little. "You can take the cookie. I just want Yuna to explain some things to Lightning." Rosa continued in what she knew would come off as a defeated manner as she could see Vanille jump up and saying a quick goodbye.

Looking back, Yuna could see the new duo leave, leaving just her and Lightning in the room. Taking another deep breath Yuna knew she should just be blunt. "Light, are you a diabetic or taking diabetic medication?" Yuna asked knowing the latter would be near impossible given how strict the medication control was they had.

"No. I just normally eat a lot more than I have for a few days." Lightning countered as she finished off the plate and moved it to the side. "Why?"

Taking another deep breath, Yuna knew that she'd need to explain this and just wished that for once Lightning would be an easier case than the one with all these mysteries. It was starting to irk her that she longed for the days where she would be dealing with the likes of just repressed feelings for a parent. But now she was dealing with Lightning.

"Your blood sugar had to have been very dangerously low. Once Rosa could test you it was still in the danger zone. Common symptoms from the point you were at when they started to give you quick amounts of sugar to get the level up are unconsciousness, mood swings, violent shaking, extreme pain. And I only ask if you are taking medication because of it, because Kain normally puts in a lot of sugar in the oatmeal he makes." Yuna continued in a soft tone trying to make Lightning at least grasp a little in how serious this situation was. She didn't want to make a call to her parents explaining that Lightning was in a coma from not getting enough food or medication she should be on.

"No. Again, I just normally eat a lot more. I mean my breakfast is normally ten large bowls of oatmeal a couple of slices of toast and some fruit... like typically I eat about ten times normal calories men eat... and then train a lot." Lightning began as she started to turn her head to make sure no one was behind her.

' _ **Not to mention you can kick the asses of ten times the normal amount men can... and next batch of cookies I suggest we get some coconut and almonds. They are just what the crazy in you needs. Or at least that is my professional opinion.'**_

"Why would you eat that much?" Yuna asked softly trying to figure out why let alone how she could maintain her current physique if she really did eat that amount.

"I'm on... or was on at least near enough every sport team the school had. The only one I wasn't on was swimming... and that is because I had an _incident_ with the coach who was a bit perverted and eyeing me and Serah and who knows how many other women up as we were getting changed. And the school said they were going to press charges if I don't step off the team." Lightning said as Yuna breathed a small sigh of relief at that clarification.

"Rosa is going to call your parents just to make sure. But for now, the kitchen staff are going to be notified you need a lot more food. But this might explain for some of the gaps in memory. If your blood sugar does dip that can cause it." Yuna said as Lightning at least smiled at the fact that she knew that there was at least a logical answer.

Frowning a little as she she could feel her stomach start to rumble a little, Yuna shook her head and reached towards the small protective case and pulled it towards her and started to open it up. "I need to test your glucose levels Light before we can do anything else unless you want to suck on a bottle of honey or eat spoonfuls of sugar for a while." Yuna said smiling a little as she pulled out the blood meter and started to slip in a piece of what Lightning just knew was going to be test paper. "So besides discovering first hand the side effects of low blood sugar, what did you and Rosa do if you don't mind me asking?"

Lightning rolled her eyes and knew what this was about as she raised her hand and placed it down with an outstretched finger. "Don't use the small talk to try and make me not feel the prick. It isn't that bad." Lightning stated as Yuna shook her head a little as she grabbed one of the sterilized pieces of metal.

"I was asking out of genuine curiosity." Yuna stated as she grabbed Lightning's hand and pushed the handstick in a little bit of the way before pulling it out. Quickly swapping the tool, in her hand, Yuna dipped the tip of the paper in Lightning's blood. "Now we just need to wait."

' _ **Welp looks like you pissed off the one shrink... I don't know what her name is... And I don't want to learn. And I'm telling you Light, let's tank our blood sugar again and get some more cookies.'**_

"All we did was I did a three d puzzle she gave me... she took a picture of its solved state. We talked about some stupid things." Lightning said as she heard the machine let out a loud beep. A small smile on her face as she could see Yuna take the device and give it a quick look.

"How many plates of cookies did you have?" Yuna asked as she felt an eyebrow raise as she looked towards Lightning who shrugged her shoulders. "I only ask because your blood is only up two milligrams from what it was at. Which is safe... just strange because I know you had at least two plates. You aren't hungry still are you? I'm sure there is some left over food from breakfast if you don't mind the tofu bacon."

' _ **How about now Light? Now can we just let the blood sugar dip? I'm positive that we can get to lunch.'**_

"I'd rather starve if that is seriously all that is left. As long as I'm safe until lunch I don't mind. At least I have an answer as to why there are some gaps in my knowledge."

' _ **Pfftttt. Don't believe what she says. She wants us to eat tofu bacon. I'd never subject us to that. Just some fine poetry, some singing, and that is about it.'**_

Ignoring the voice once more, Lightning took a deep breath as she looked towards Yuna seemingly collecting everything to throw away. "So now what?"

"Well, this is actually the last thing on Vanille's schedule. And the class is nearly over. So it is up to you as long as you are inside." Yuna said with a small smile as Lightning just frowned a little at being forced to stay inside the confining walls.

"Why can't I go outside? I saw a number of people outside yesterday." Lightning asked as she started to cross her arms in annoyance as she could see Yuna stop what she was doing as she took a deep breath to try and ease some sort of stress.

"It is a trust thing Light. It is a privilege to be let out without supervision. And while I doubt you would run, you don't need just my permission. That is about the highest privileged we give. There is a yard time which Vanille is exempt from because of her abuse of it. Yard time for Vanille is originally an hour after lunch if memory serves and it lasts for that hour. I would need some time though to make sure the orderlies that are supervising it to make sure they understand everything extra about you." Yuna said trying to make sure Lightning understood that it wasn't her trying to be rude towards her. She really did trust Lightning would stay at least close enough to the grounds for the simple fact that she knew Lightning is here technically voluntarily.

"That's stupid... I just want to go for a run... being cooped up is starting to annoy me just as much as being back home." Lightning muttered as she actually debated if she should take up the voice's stance of escaping just so she can do something that she could even do at home.

"I'm sorry Light. The best I can do is get you some supervised time tomorrow, and that isn't even a guarantee. It is for your safety and the safety of everyone else that we need to go through these steps. I mean what if you have an incident where they need to sedate you and they didn't know the most common one we use your allergic to and it isn't in a controlled situation where we could easily reverse it."

"I didn't say it didn't make sense. Just that it is stupid. I'm not used to not being able to exercise." Lightning said as Yuna shook her head.

It was a simple fact that she knew that Lightning was going to find it unfair, but her hands were really tied by this. She was fine with bending the rules, but in reality this was one of the things that she couldn't budge on and still keep Lightning and everyone safe.

"I'm sure in the meantime though you can write to Serah, or your parents. Or even one of your journals. Just as long as you are back here for lunch and eat your fill." Yuna reasoned to at least not let Lightning get bored and become a much more dangerous Vanille. Something that she knew would only end in tears for a number of people.

"Fine... it has to be better than being stuck here... or from going outside." Lightning seethed a little as she stood up and started to walk slowly towards the door.

' _ **Uhhh... I'm no expert but! Isn't pissing off the one who is on your side the dumb thing to do? So we get confined for a few days... not the end of the world. I mean... what did we use to do to pass the time...'**_

' _Just shut up. At least we might get away with not being around the masses for the rest of the day.'_

' _ **Oh my god Light! The walls are closing in! Quick punch a guard and take his mace!'**_

"Why is it you always want me to go for that?" Lightning asked in a near whisper as she stopped at the elevator.

' _ **God, your more fun when Serah is around... I wonder what she is doing... besides getting all of father dearest's love.'**_

"Fuck you." Lightning said softly as the doors opened and she stepped in.

* * *

"No mom! I swear my tummy isn't feeling good." The pink haired teen yelled from her spot laying on the couch. A blanket just draped over her midsection as she looked in the general direction of the door behind her. "But if I can make a request... some tomato soup and some grilled cheeses would be good... and if it isn't too much trouble a glass of chocolate milk." The teen continued as the older woman walked in and stared at her.

"Tell me the real reason you called home first Serah." The matriarch stated as the pink haired girl pouted crossing her arms. Something that Mary knew well enough to know that it wasn't her being serious in her anger, but more so her being curious as to what gave it away. "When your stomach is upset you never want milk and instead want juice." The mother reasoned as she walked towards the couch to sit down and talk to her daughter easier.

"I'm still worried about Claire... and Snow wasn't in to convince me to stay and fight through the twenty questions of where Claire is. It is just easier to stay here and wait to see if Claire will call again. So being worried is a type of tummy ache... one that can be remedied with Claire and my favourite lunch." Serah stated as her mother shook her head as she stood up. "And can you not tell Dad? You know he'll get mad at Claire for me doing this even though she told me to not do this kind of thing."

As the small laughter filled the room as her mother left, she knew that it was a yes. Sliding down a little more, Serah smiled as she pulled her blanket up to around her neck, just closing her eyes a little to let herself think about how she was going to enjoy being able to see her sister again in a matter of a few days. It would make this seem less of a turmoil and more of a rest to her mind that Lightning was safe and everything was fine.

Before she could drift off to sleep and let that whisk her away, the sound of the phone going off ripped the sleep from her as she jumped up and lunged for the phone. Taking a moment to compose herself, Serah looked at the number and clicked the answer button.

"Hello, Farron residence. Serah speaking who might I ask is calling?" Serah said as she started to turn around just in case she would need to hand the phone off to one of her parents.

" _This is Doctor Farrell of the Yevon institute. May I sp-_ "

Not letting the person on the other end of the line finish, Serah felt her stomach drop and just had to cut this person off and get the answer to at least fix her stomach for now. "What happened to Claire?" Serah asked knowing that her voice was coming in far more timid than it probably should but she had to make sure her big sister was fine.

" _She is fine. I just need to discuss some matters concerning her case with her parents or guardians._ " The voice continued causing Serah to breath a small sigh of relief that her sister was fine. Walking towards the direction her mother went, Serah took just an extra breath.

"Yeah sure. One second." Serah stated and started to pick the speed up towards her mother knowing that her father was going to be peeved to be disturbed during the day when he had paperwork to do and he would take it out on Claire for no reason.

Walking into the kitchen Serah smiled a little at the smell as she walked up to her Mom with the same timid actions she always had when it came to her sister. "Mom, someone from the mental hospital wants to talk to you about Claire." Serah said as she could see her mother's expression drop a little at what she knew was her assuming the worst like she had. "It isn't bad Mom... at least from what I've been told." Serah said to try and calm the both of them down as she held the phone out.

"Okay, don't put me on speaker so you can listen in Serah. If something is up I'll let your father know and then you. You know how he gets to be the last to be told anything." The woman said as she took the phone from her youngest and pointed towards the living room as if to usher her out. Quickly flicking the stove off as she waited for Serah to at least appear to be out of ear shot, she raised the phone up to her ear before taking a deep breath. "Mary Farron speaking."


	21. Chapter 21

 

Chapter 21:

" _Are you positive that is all you can tell me?_ "

"Yes, Lightning has always been closed off since she came back. The only person that she even let get close enough has been my other daughter. But as far as I'm aware she didn't have any allergies or diseases... and she was tested for the latter before she came back. Apparently the conditions she was living in wasn't fit for animals." Mary stated as she started to lean back in her seat. A little glad that by the sounds of it Lightning was alright. It felt like a load off her mind that she didn't even know was present until she was handed the phone.

" _Okay, last question I have. Is Lightning a diabetic or does she have a history of low blood sugar? We had an incident that we were able to rectify but she is claiming it is because she just didn't eat enough this morning._ "

"Oh Lightning does eat a lot... I'm not quite sure how much... again Light has always been distant with us. She stays cooped up in her room most of the time she is here or she is outside running. Again she is closer to my other daughter. Not for a lack of trying might I add." Mary continued as she looked out the door to see if Serah wasn't eavesdropping any more. That one action was enough to make this conversation to go on a lot longer.

" _If I fax you over some documents can you and your husband sign them and send them back? It would just be so I can access her medical record. There may be some answer there. And if you can, can you get a rough estimate of her typical daily caloric intake for me as well?_ " Rosa said in a slightly exasperated tone that she hoped wasn't coming through just so it would make what was to come a lot easier on everyone.

Mary just smiled as she nodded along as though the information wasn't really getting in. "Okay, do you have our fax number?" Mary asked as she stood up.

" _It is on the file. Keep an eye out for it and send it back to me as fast as you possibly can. It is important for Lightning that we have as few further incidents as possible. Thank you for all the information you've provided, it should help all of us out immensely."_ Rosa stated in the same professional manner as she possibly could. She had to admit that she was feeling a little drained from talking to the woman who if she didn't know better was stone walling her, but that was all done for now.

Saying a quick goodbye, Mary hung up the phone and looked towards the living room to see Serah standing in the door with a worried expression on her face. "Nothing is wrong with Lightning...it was just a few questions about what she is allergic to, and to inform me they already found one allergy and then to tell me she had low blood sugar and then some questions on that.." Mary said seeing Serah's brow furrow a little.

"Did Claire not eat enough at breakfast? She always does that when she thinks others need to eat. I swear I'm going to give her a talking too."

"Okay dear."

* * *

"So... you just had to sit here... for an hour and eat after doing one of Rosa's puzzles...? Lucky!" Palom asked the pink haired woman who rolled her eyes a little. She knew from the brief time she had been dealing with this boy that he thought it was genuinely a compliment.

It isn't that Lightning didn't take it for one, she just knew how that it didn't come across in the spirit that was intended. "Palom! Don't be like that." The brown haired girl yelled standing next to her brother.

Shaking her head to try and remove the feeling of the smile that drifted up on her face, Lightning took a deep breath. "It's fine... I'm more pissed at the lack of being able to get outside. I don't like being inside all the time." Lightning said hoping that at least Vanille got the hint as to how she was annoyed at that one thing and maybe they could find something better to do.

"Hey, Light I know. I get it. They are about squeezing me and making me hate this place just as much as they are doing it to you." Vanille stated holding her hands up in defence as she knew that this was possibly going to be an interesting topic, or at least it was better than the small boy gushing over the amount of food that Lightning had consumed.

Laughing a little, Hope took a deep breath before he spoke up, "What are you talking about? You tried to run twice forgetting that two orderlies that are often out there are ex professional blitzball players."

"Yeah, and then they held me down and injected me with some crap and I woke up in solitary. And let me tell you, that isn't nearly as fun as I make it look." Vanille said holding an accusatory finger up and pointing it at the silver haired boy enjoying the way Lightning had just started to laugh at the comment. She knew that it was probably from something that she said, but she was a bit lost as to what was making it so funny to her.

As the table turned towards, Lightning to see why she was laughing they were met with a strange sight, that of Lightning's eyes closed as she just chuckled to herself seemingly. As her eyes opened she nearly jumped a little from the looking as she blushed a little. "Had nothing to do with whatever was said. Just me being in a small world of my own."

"Was it your happy place? I often go to my own." Porom said with a smile as Lightning could feel her mood start to sully a little.

"You could call it that." Lightning said calmly as she waited for some sort of response.

' _ **Yes Light, I'm telling you. Just imagine your dad hanging and gasping for breath? You can not tell me that I am the only one out of the two of us who finds that like the greatest happy thought. You know but only if we are there and he wants us to help him get free from it.'**_

Laughing a little at the comment the pink haired woman just nudged her plate forward. She knew that if anyone had heard that thought they might think she was going to be some threat to someone's life, but she knew the truth that all she could do really was think about that.

"Your happy place must be great." Palom muttered as he started to lean forward onto his open palm as he continued to look at Lightning just wondering what could have been in her mind that would make her laugh.

"Okay, let's change the topic, what do you plan to do now that your day is over?" Hope asked as he tried to at least steer the conversation into something less personal just in case what the rumours said were true about Lightning. He didn't want to think what she could do given the number of orderlies in the room was small for the number of people in it.

"Staying in my room, or maybe going to the library because I can't go out and run. And I doubt there is anywhere in this place that I could work out." Lightning said calmly as she could hear some minor laughing from the inside of her head. She knew it was probably from Light socially isolating herself once again, but she didn't really mind that. She knew at least then no one around her would harm her.

"Pfft, that is so boring Light." Vanille said leaning back a little. Ignoring the way she knew Hope had started to act slightly different around Lightning. Something she knew was from the rumour that somehow had started in the span of time between last night and this morning. Something that she knew didn't do it justice how Lightning doesn't remember the damage she caused or how fragile Lightning was afterwards. "Why not go to the rec room with me? They are doing some cartoon marathon. And trust me with the lack of tv most days outside of movie night, you'll start to be drawn to the screen." Vanille continued knowing it was going to peeve at least one person at the table.

' _ **Pfft, this chick doesn't know us. Since when do we even watch tv unless what's her face forces us. Crap... I've forgotten her name. How long have we been here Light?'**_

' _Serah. And we've been away from her for a few days. I know you want me to scream at you hence that... but I'm not going to.'_ Lightning thought as she took a deep breath as she met Vanille's eyes. She knew the gleam in the eyes from seeing it in her sister who had dragged her countless times from her room to watch cartoons on Saturday morning. "You aren't giving me a choice. So why even pose it as one?"

"I would have accepted it if you said you wanted to be boring or something like that and meant it. But I mean, you'll go madder if you are just going to stay in your room. I mean that is why I'm here as long as I am." Vanille stated ignoring the chortle coming from the trio across from her and Lightning. "And a few minor issues with the man. And one or two times of me testing something someone told me why it is a bad idea to do something. Like air bubbles in clay... or the lead in a pencil can be used to cause a power shortage and cause a fire." Vanille said as she could make out the sound of Hope being barely able to hold onto his side as he was laughing. Something that she knew was from something that had to just be the greatest joke.

"You forgot a lot of other issues." Hope stated grasping his side as Vanille rolled her eyes.

"That is part of issues with the man." Vanille said sticking her tongue out as Lightning looked towards the twins. Figuring the way they were acting was actually closer to acceptable of the wanting kill each other. Especially if even half of the shows Serah had forced her to watch were true about how siblings reacted around each other.

' _ **Awwww. Is Light questioning how she doesn't know how people acting is normal? It's okay. You can trust me Light. Now you see the correct thing to do is to take the tray and smack the nearest orderly over the back of the head and grab his or her keys.'**_

Taking a deep breath, Lightning just knew that she had to ignore the voice, she just contemplated if she should leave the group that she couldn't help but feel like she was intruding on at this point. Shaking her head, Lightning grabbed her tray and started to walk towards the conveyor belt like object for everything, Light placed her own down and took a deep breath.

Turning around she nearly jumped at the sight of Vanille practically skipping towards her with a smile on her face and placed the tray down next to Lightning's. "Hope is being a bit of a poopy head. So I'm going to head towards the rec room." Vanille stated as she Lightning rolled her eyes a little. "You know you don't need to come as well. But I mean it will be a lot better for you. You don't need to watch cartoons though. They have a lot of distractions. But it at least can help you feel a little closer to normality with this place."

"It's fine. I just would like to be in my room after a while. Being around this many people is making me a bit uneasy."

' _ **Plus you are being a bitch. I mean... god forbid we do what I want. And I pinky promise that this time I'm not trying to get us in trouble.'**_

Sighing a little as she walked towards the stairs just so she could get some form of a work out at this point. She didn't like the groggy feeling of her joints not getting the same use that she was used to out of them.

Not to mention there was a much more obvious bonus from the fact that there wasn't going to be people walking up and down the stairs all that frequently. She could go as far down the rabbit hole as she wanted with as minimal of backlash as was possible.

"And what, pretail do you want to do? Because I swear if it is anything like I think it would be, I'd rather break my arm." Lightning stated a little glad that she had managed to avoid Vanille who had taken the elevator. Not that it was going to stop her no matter what.

' _ **Two words, eleven letters. Table tennis. Places like this always have at least one. And sense I doubt they have a pool table, or air hockey... let's play my third favourite competitive sport. And, and, and if we really wanted to... we then have a tool in our hands to cause some havoc.'**_

"Fine, if they have one I might consider playing a single game. If I do, you need to seriously not sing for the next week." Lightning stated as she rounded the corner of the small landing and started to climb up the stairs once more.

' _ **Three games and I'll not sing a single word for a week. Because one game is not worth something like that.'**_

Stopping at the door, Lightning just rolled her eyes. "Two games to fifteen." Lightning countered as she could almost hear the distinct sound of a click from a knife followed by the sound of the almost annoying smile in the voice's comments.

' _ **Put it there. No backing out. If there is a table we are playing or so help me. I don't care if we need to play by ourselves. We are doing it.'**_

"Fine. I'm the one that made that offer. It is implied I agree with it." Lightning stated as she opened the door, and smiled as she could see Vanille looking around at the elevator as though she had just realised Lightning's absence. It was a little funny to her, but she had to ruin this one thing. No matter how adorable it seemed to be. "Vanille over here. I took the stairs."

Hearing that simple thing, Lightning couldn't help but notice the corner of her mouth starting to pick up as she could see Vanille skipping over towards her. "For a second there I thought you found a way out of the elevator... which while cool also would have forced me to nark." Vanille said coming to a stop next to Lightning.

' _ **Ask ask ask ask. Come on Light ask~'**_

Shaking her head a little, Lightning turned towards the red head and took a deep breath. "Hey Vanille, quick question is there a table tennis thing... here?"

"Yeah... why you want to play a game against me? I have to warn you that is my jam. I don't mean to brag but five time annual champ here." Vanille said with a smile as Lightning chuckled a little. She knew that there was bound to be a sadder comment in how she had been here long enough to get to five annual tournaments. "I'm of course joking. They don't do things like that here. They are all about everyone being winners." Vanille said as she started to gesture towards the direction that Lightning knew had to be what she had asked about.

"I'd enjoy a game or two up to fifteen of course." Lightning said knowing that she was using Vanille but it would keep the voice's annoying penchant for singing down for a while. Something that would be just perfect for her.

"Fine. But if I win... I get at least one of your cookies during dinner madam 'I get like six cookies' which is all kinds of unfair."

"Deal."

* * *

"You wanted to see me Rosa?" Yuna asked a little glad that the bulk of the day had gone off without a hitch, and now it was only wait for lights out in an hour.

Rosa frowned as she flicked a page in some folder up and eyes continued to scan the page. "Have a seat Yuna. I've got good news, and terrible news. Good news, I talked to Light's mother and she doesn't think Light is a diabetic." Rosa stated as she leaned back in her chair.

Yuna noticed the brow furrowing as she continued to read something. "And the terrible news?" Yuna asked calmly as she took the offered seat. She knew that something bad must have been written inside the folder for her to develop a worried expression like she had on her face.

"The gave the institute permission to accesses her medical records... and if a hundredth of what is said is true..." Rosa stated as she reached towards another folder and tossed it towards Yuna. "I made a copy seeing as we are her psychiatrists." Rosa continued as she could see Yuna reach over and open it, nearly fainting at some of the images in the record. "The pictures were used during Dysley's trial because she couldn't give a testimony due to being in a medically induced coma. She was awake enough to give a few words before his sentencing, but there were doctors there to make sure she didn't tear through her stitches ignoring the pain."

As Yuna continued to read, she could feel her heart almost break with each word that followed the last. It was at the point that she hoped that this was fiction. It had to be. "She had a BMI of thirteen when they got to her?"

"Yes, and it gets worse. A lot worse. If you want to keep some faith that Lightning has been exaggerating about her youth I'd stop now. There is several accounts from the team that rescued her... and the conditions they found her in. They aren't fit for ani-" Rosa stated before she got cut off by Yuna.

"Don't tell me. Please. I'm sure you would sugar coat it. If I'm meant to be helping her, I should read it myself."

"Okay. I'll put the kettle on." Rosa started as she took a deep breath, closing over her folder smiling sadly as she took a few careful steps.

"We are going to be here for a while. So you might want to make mine a coffee."

"Okay."


	22. Chapter 22

 

Chapter 22:

Gasping as she closed the folder and tossed it onto the desk, Yuna couldn't help but feel disgusted with herself. Just reading some of the treatment, which even a tenth of it was true... it was a drastic miracle that Lightning hadn't killed herself or someone else.

"How is she..." Yuna began feeling the words die in her throat, still unsure of what she read being the hundred percent truth. At this point she just felt like she should get a shower and curl up in a ball.

"I don't know. I got the lawyers on as soon as I got these files to see if I could get some of the court documents about Lightning. Or at the very least allow us to get into contact with some of the soldiers that found her. Anything that can get us something solid we can use that is about her." Rosa stated leaning back, fearing just closing her eyes in case the vivid descriptions would carry over to her unconscious mind.

Before either could speak, the lights in the office turned off and on quickly as the phone resting on Rosa's desk began to ring. "I told you she wouldn't be able to make it Rosa. Now we have a suicidal girl who thinks there is nothing left to lose." Yuna bit as she stood up, Rosa just shook her head as she picked the phone up and started to punch in the code to lock down the building.

"I know, I just thought she would be able to make it longer than four days." Rosa stated before pushing down on the receiver and quickly dialling another string of numbers that Yuna vaguely recognised as the code to let the staff know someone is unaccounted for. "Not to mention we are going to need to tread the line very carefully with Fang. She will be just as bad, and at the very least furious and demands one more visit." Rosa continued as she pressed the receiver once more before she started to punch in an all important number.

"Go triple check her room Yuna. I'll make sure Fang is at least going to be calm enough to talk with Vanille for the last time for half a year at the very least." Rosa said as Yuna at least sighed a little. Glad for once not being the head of the entire institute because she knew how bad Fang could get from the few times she had to call her when it came to something Vanille did.

Taking a deep breath as she quickly walked out of the room, Yuna was not going to envy anyone that had the misfortune to deal with Fang when someone tells her in no uncertain terms that a woman she viewed as a sister despite what the court says being unable to even talk to her.

It was the one thing that she feared about this whole deal she had with Rosa. Vanille breaking it from feeling like she was caged in. She always sought that freedom that kept being denied and this might just be the thing to push her inventive mind over the ledge.

Forgoing the elevator, Yuna flung open the stair doors and started to fly down the stairs. She just had to pray that Vanille was going to take the bad news a lot better than what she had all but threatened in the past. Something that she knew was going to be a near impossible feat, but she had to hope.

Taking a deep breath as she burst through the door, a little glad that she could see some of the orderlies quickly glancing into the windows. Seeing Sazh pushing the key into the lock before quickly turning it.

Taking a deep breath, Yuna felt her face shift from a frown into a stoic face at the sight of the red haired woman laying in her bed with the small box next to her. The look of shock on her face at the sudden intrusion and the almost euphoric look on Yuna's face must have rubbed her the wrong way as she sat up.

"Hey, this is allowed. You both were there when Rosa said I can keep it if I helped. I helped." Vanille said as she started to nudge the device behind her in some attempt to protect it. Something that Yuna for once couldn't care about.

"Nothing to do with it Vanille. Rosa will actually owe you an apology." Yuna said as she gestured for Sazh to walk out of the room. As he locked the door, Yuna bit her thumb as she took a deep breath just wondering who it was that was trying to break out if it wasn't Vanille. "Sazh, get the information back to Rosa. The most comfort we have is the fact that if it isn't Vanille... they are still inside. Who raised the alarm... and who is missing." Yuna asked as the man started to run his fingers through his hair.

"Don't know. They are strong enough to knock Kain out with ease, or at least daring enough. All the staff are accounted for and Kain is fine, and was up after a few minutes, but the patient was long gone." Sazh said trying to catch the psychiatrist up with everything that he had at his disposal.

"Get everyone searching floor by floor. We need to know what patient is out... or worse, who broke in. Contact the head orderlies of the other buildings and get them to do a head count as well." Yuna said as she turned around to see Sazh starting to grab the radio of his. "Also if you can tell Rosa everything you can. I'm going to go check now on the major flight risks. It is doubtful anyone could get on a different floor." Yuna said as the dark skinned man just smiled as he nodded a simple nod before pressing down the call button.

* * *

' _ **Light... I'm hungry. Can we go get some food. I'm sure you've noticed how easy it is to get out of here. The lock isn't even bump proof from outward appearances. I'm sure you have at least two bobby pins you can spare.'**_

"I'm fine being a little hungry. I don't want to get into trouble." Lightning muttered as she secured her feet under her bed and started to bend her midsection for what had to be the thousandth time that day.

' _ **You heard them earlier today. You burn calories out the wazoo, and they even said low blood sugar which we apparently can get easily is very dangerous... would they really be that mad at us not wanting to be in a coma at the cost of a single sandwich? Maybe five? Depends on how loaded you make them.'**_

In the pseudo sitting position Lightning took a deep breath as she knew how this song and dance went. The fact she could hear her stomach wasn't helping any. She knew that this was going to continue and with the lack of control over her body earlier still ingrained in her mind... she knew that she wasn't going to win.

"One sandwich... then we are back here before anyone notices we are gone. Deal?" Lightning asked, hoping that they could come to some sort of understanding that they both were doing this out of her best interest. The fear of Serah being mad at her already getting into trouble seemingly making her want to continue ignoring the small hunger that she could feel growing.

' _ **One sandwich... plus sides. And not some celery... that stuff is nasty and would do nothing for us.'**_

Shaking her head, Lightning gripped the side of her bed and started to pull herself up. "Fine, but us being crazy isn't a viable excuse here." Lightning muttered calmly as she walked over to the baskets to pull out some of the bobby pins she had just so she could get out of the room.

' _ **Don't worry about that Light. I got us covered. Don't worry your pretty little head over the details like that. Don't worry about things like that. You just worry about getting us to the kitchen.'**_

Shaking her head as she took one of the frail metal objects between her dexterous fingers and quickly snapped the metal and started to bend it so she could use it as a makeshift lock pick. Walking towards the lock she bent down by the lock and started to bend the remaining one into a tension wrench.

Slipping the tools into the lock as she started to feel around for any easy ones, she couldn't help but remember the last time the voice said it would think of some excuse if they were caught. "I swear if we get caught and your excuse is I thought I was crazy, I'm going to scream and at the very least punch myself to hurt you." Lightning said as she started to shift the lock around. A little curious as to why they wouldn't have some sort of extra precaution in the lock.

Even with her novice level of skill was making quick work of the lock before her. Something that at the very least she was glad that she picked up. Smiling at the sound of the click, standing up she palmed the lock pick as she opened the door.

Carefully closing the door behind her, just hoping that it isn't loud enough to attract wandering eyes even though it was lights out, she knew that someone might catch her if they figured out someone was out. She wasn't even sure if there was some sort of bonus for ratting on someone being out after lights out.

Opening the door to the stairs, a little glad that it seemed like the staff had all but ignored the patients. Smiling a little as she stood still, a single thought occurred to her. "Hey... you say you remember even things I don't... when did I learn how to lock pick?"

' _ **I do, and you don't remember? I mean... they did beat your ass pretty bad.'**_

Opening the door carefully to look around and make sure she was going to be in the clear. "Think about it. If I knew, why would I ask you?" Lightning whispered as she opened the door and started to walk down the hallway.

' _ **This is true. It was through trial and error from the second dog crate Dysley gave us. You found two pieces of stiff ish wire and tried to bend it into the shape of a key and when that broke you were left with a hook and I convinced you to continue with that.'**_

Smiling a little that they had at least been on the same page at least once, Lightning stopped at a corner where she could see one of the chefs just yawning as he was walking towards the kitchen. Almost as if he forgot something.

"Shit..."

' _ **Okay, Light. Listen to me here, if you walk up behind him carefully and wrap your arm around his neck closing off the blood supply, it will take him sixty seconds to pass out. He will be back up within another three minutes with zero brain injury.'**_

"He'll sound the alarm." Lightning whispered as she took a deep breath wondering why her heart was beating so fast. Almost as if there was an ounce of fear in what was happening. She knew that this could backfire easily.

' _ **Too far gone Light. We are up shit cre**_ _ **e**_ _ **k and this is our only paddle. We are in the only way out, and we can at least prevent being the one known. And they wouldn't imagine a person would stay**_ _ **i**_ _ **n the same area let alone the same floor. This is the best option.'**_

Taking a deep breath, Lightning knew the voice was right. At least she could mitigate some damage. Quickly crossing the few feet the man had on her. Taking a calming breath Lightning quickly wrapped her arm around the man's neck and squeezed tightly.

Feeling his wind supply get cut off, the blonde man quickly slammed his back into the wall just on his left side to try and dislodge whoever was holding onto him. He could feel whoever was holding onto him seem to redouble.

' _ **Hold on tighter Light! He can't fight forever!'**_

Ignoring the way the voice had all but screamed that, Lightning grit her teeth as she felt the man try to claw at her arm. She could almost feel her arm wanting to give, but she was too far at this point. If she gave up now, she'd be screwed. She had to stick this one out.

' _ **Ten... nine... eight...'**_

As it counted down the seconds that remained, Lightning could feel the blonde man's fighting die down. It was almost laughable to her but she couldn't let that emotion show. She knew that if she did and he remembered any of it, she'd be screwed and probably punished severely.

' _ **Three... two... one... and he should be out.'**_

Even though she doubted the voice was trying to play with her, Lightning just took a deep breath as she lowered the man carefully down never breaking the hold she still had around his throat. Counting herself to ten. She knew at least then he'd be down long enough as to not risk anything with her.

Reaching ten, Lightning grabbed hold of the man's shoulders and started to pull him into a simple sitting position. She didn't want to hurt this man. He had been so nice to her, but he would have blown the whistle on her. He was a staff member, one that would do it thinking he would be doing it for Lightning's safety.

She knew that she would need to make it up to him, but she had to at least accomplish her current goal. Lightly resting a hand down on his head, Lightning took a deep breath as she looked towards the doors, just ignoring the pain that was in her back from being slammed into the wall repeatedly.

' _ **Are you okay Light? You seem to be hurting.'**_

The voice continued as Lightning just shook her head walking towards the counter that she could see into the kitchen from. As she climbed onto the counter, she winced a little at the motion. "Yeah. Just sore. He might be a chef but he knows how to fight it seems. I'll be fine with a few hours rest." Lightning got out as she as she jumped off the counter, just barely catching herself. "Let's just focus on the important part. What do we want on the sandwich... preferably something with sugar. I do not want to suffer from that low blood sugar crap again."

' _ **Hey, me neither... but I'm feeling something in the peanut butter and coconut range... maybe check to see if they have ice cream.'**_

"Let's check... remember I don't want to be here long."

' _ **I know... just check.'**_

* * *

"YOU DID WHAT!" The blonde woman yelled at the man in the seat she knew was already feeling small in front of her. Something she didn't and couldn't care about.

Taking a deep breath as she ran a hand over her eyes, she knew she had to calm herself down at least a little if she was ever going to get to the bottom of this. "So you mean to tell me, in a building with suicidal, some even homicidal people you manage to FUCK UP! I could get over an ex captain getting beaten because they had a jump on you, but you possibly gave who ever it is a weapon!" Rosa continued to yell as the blonde haired man just rubbed his neck a little.

"They didn't get me from jumping me. They got me because they knew how to use a sleeper hold. So they are probably ex-military... and I only said I came back because I _thought_ I forgot to lock up the knives." Kain said fixing himself in the seat as he lowered his hand to show the faint signs of a bruise starting to show.

Shaking her head, Rosa grabbed the walkie talkie and pressed the call button. "Who is out of bed!" Rosa yelled into the device. She wanted to know if it could really be people from one of the wings that could possibly be like what Kain described.

After a few tense moments, the crackling started to subside as a voice came over it. "North building has everyone accounted for."

"Same in the South."

"East has everyone. It is one of the people from the west."

At the sound of that Rosa breathed a small sigh at the fact that she knew that the people in the building there were only a handful that had any sort of skill that could take out Kain. "Sazh!?" Rosa yelled to try and get any sort of contact from the man.

"Yuel and Lightning are the only people left unaccounted for."

Rosa could actually feel some of the tension seep away. "Get someone to check under Yuel's bed." Rosa stated as she took a deep breath and stared at Kain. "Where were you knocked out?"

"Just outside the cafeteria." Kain said wondering where Rosa was going with this.

Turning towards the walkie talkie once again. "Bring Yuna and any men you can spare. Make sure they are armed with non-lethal means. Kain might have just given someone who supposedly was able to take out a few members of active service with her bare hands a weapon." Rosa stated as she gestured towards the door. "You are coming as well so we can make sure everything is accounted for." Rosa deadpanned as she could see him crack his neck as if he was trying to put a face to the name.

"Do not go in. Let Yuna and myself go in first. I want as few injuries as possible." Rosa spoke as she quickly flung the door open and started to bound down the stairs with Kain just next to her.

Rounding one of the banisters, she started to descend towards the final flight of stairs to get to the cafeteria. As she flung the door open she could see the sight of the people starting to flock around the doors. "Everyone is to stay out here until either Yuna or myself tell you. She may be armed, and possibly dangerous." Rosa stated as Yuna started to push towards the front of the group.

Grimacing as she pushed the door open, Rosa smiled at the sound of a minor shifting coming from the direction of the kitchen. "I guess we found the missing person." Rosa whispered as she grasped her keys and quickly outstretched them to slip into the kitchen lock. Opening the door she nearly jumped at the sight of Lightning sitting on one of the counters facing them.

"LIGHTNING!" Yuna yelled rolling her eyes as she could see the pink haired woman nearly fall over from her perch.


	23. Chapter 23

 

Chapter 23:

"LIGHTNING!" Yuna yelled as the girl nearly fell over from her perch on the counter.

As the duo watched the girl nearly juggle the sandwich as she started to slide off the chrome surface, followed by a loud wince as she landed on her back. Coughing a little, Lightning took a wheezy breath in.

"That was uncalled for." Lightning whispered out as she smiled at the object still within her hands. "I almost dropped my sandwich." Lightning continued as she started to raise the strange combination to her lips.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Yuna spoke as Lightning started to sit up and took a bite from what Yuna just assumed was a sandwich through the definition only given the dripping chocolate mess and what appeared to be ham and cheese between several slices of bread.

' _ **Okay Light, this is where you need to listen to me. Don't play it off on me, and just mention you are sorry for what you did but could feel your blood sugar dropping and the call button wasn't working.'**_

Taking a deep breath as she knew the voice was right. And couldn't see many other paths she could take. Or at least one that wouldn't bring down the wrath of Serah. Something that even now she was fearing.

"I'm sorry for getting out... and doing what I did to that one chef. But I could feel the same pain and muscle twitching I felt earlier today and that button in my room wasn't working or at least no one came." Lightning said calmly as she hoisted the behemoth up, showing the dripping sugary mess.

' _ **I forgot about him. Fake more concern. Like all you can muster up.'**_

"Actually how is he? He hit me pretty hard slamming me into a wall a few times but I'm not sure if I did the hold right." Lightning said as she could see some minor relaxation coming from the professionals' expression.

' _ **Damn Light. That is believable.'**_

' _I actually am concerned. I'm fine living with a sore back. But he could be brain damaged.'_ Lightning thought as she could see the duo starting to whisper to each other. As if they were planning something out.

After a few seconds they separated and Yuna started to walk towards Lightning. "Light, this is a serious issue. You broke out of your room, you assaulted a staff member, and as far as we know have a deadly weapon." Yuna said as she started to crouch down and carefully looking at Lightning who just started to have a crestfallen appearance.

"I didn't want to... I would have preferred to stay in my room. And I don't have any weapon on me. I'd gladly strip to show it. I'll even turn over my makeshift lock picks. But the entire thing was something I couldn't really avoid according to you. It was either do it or go into a coma." Lightning said figuring that she knew where the voice was going.

Taking a deep breath, Yuna stood up and smiled at the sight of Rosa walking back into the room with Kain and Sazh. "Count them and lock them up Kain, or I swear Sazh is getting your key and you need to go to him every time you want one." Rosa demanded as Lightning looked at the blonde haired man walking towards one of the containers and quickly opened it.

' _ **Oh, aren't you glad you put the knife back like I wanted. See if this all goes according to my plan from here out, we should be in the clear.'**_

Ignoring the snide remarks, Lightning knew she had to at least apologise to the man for what she did. "Sorry about what I did Chef Kain." Lightning called as Yuna rolled her eyes at the smirk she could see on the man's face.

"They are all here." The blonde man stated as he closed the lid and slipped the key in to lock it before he turned around to see Rosa glaring at him. "I won't forget again Rosa. Seriously, you angry is on the top of my 'crap my pants' list." Kain said as the woman turned her gaze off of him and onto the pink haired woman standing up.

"Put the sandwich down and scrub your hands. We are testing your blood sugar whether you like it or not. Then you are turning over whatever you used to get out of your room after the last head count." Rosa stated as Lightning took one last bite from the strange concoction she had been feasting on before placing it back down on the plate she had been using.

Walking over to one of the sinks and under constant attention, Lightning started to wash her hands, a little curious as to what it would prove given what little she had been told of the cure and with the amount of sugars she had in the sandwich she knew it would throw off the test enough.

Feeling that her hands were clean enough, Lightning walked towards some of the paper towels and started to pull them down just so she could dry her hands. As she was walking over, Yuna who had found her way to look at the garbage bin nearest where Lightning was sitting when she spoke up just before Rosa pulled out the hand prick.

"Rosa, the test is won't work. There is two bottles of honey, a jar of chocolate spread and an empty ice cream tub. Even if we assume that is her only sandwich... and I'm using that term lightly... if she isn't on the hyperglycemia end there is no hope, and she isn't showing any of those symptoms. So we really just have her word." Yuna said as Rosa turned to Kain who just smirked a little.

"Yuna is right. The bins are the last thing done, and I leave after them." Kain said as Rosa took a deep breath. As if she was trying to calm down the anger she was feeling for what Lightning knew was her ultimately.

"Sazh, take Lightning and Yuna to her office. Send anyone you can in here to go through this place with a fine tooth comb, if there is so much as a screw loose I want to know. Any dust out of place, any new scratches. I want to know everything." Rosa stated in what Lightning had to admit was the first time since she had met the woman this was the first time it looked like she was actually taking the helm if it were of the staff. "Kain you're staying back to notify them the differences, and cleaning the place. Maybe that will make sure you remember to lock up the deadly instruments." Rosa continued ignoring the deflation her friend had as he started to step further back into the room.

' _ **Quick Light! Grab the sandwich! We mustn't let that beauty fall out of our hands.'**_

The way the voice sounded, and if Lightning was being honest she could see the merit of that single request. Quickly walking the few feet back, Lightning picked up what remained of her sandwich and smiled as the chief orderly gesturing back towards the door.

Smiling a little as she took another bite, Lightning just followed the man as she could a crowd of staff she hadn't even seen half of the faces of before, but just knew they were probably there just in case something terrible happened.

Which didn't make much sense to Lightning, she was here on an almost entirely voluntary basis. The only reason she had to flee was if she wanted some terrible publicity to fall on the place. Just because she knew that it would be her family's only possible reaction unless they want just as harsh of a blow.

Looking down, Lightning just smiled though. That she supposed was a very good reason to flee, but she also knew that Serah would get caught in the crossfire, and she didn't want to ever put her through anything she didn't need to go through. Especially the fiery shit show that would fall down on her family and all the shady business deals her father had made to protect one daughter but not the other was more than enough to stay in until she was given the all clear.

Taking a deep breath as she knew there was at least one thing that could cheer up her mood and it was already in her hands.

Closing her eyes, Lightning didn't see the person in front of her that she had just bumped into by accident. As she brushed her shoulder off the man, she could feel her heart sink at the sight of her sandwich falling quickly out of her grasp. Splattering against the ground, Lightning could almost feel a tear want to slip past her eyes when she could hear the chief orderly in front of her.

"Raines, lead the men in searching the kitchen fully."

At the name, Lightning could feel her breath hitch in her throat as she almost feared to look up. That one face that was one that she feared almost as much as any of the other generals. Except somehow it was worse. He had always seemed like he was on Light's side until she no longer amused him. Once that happened he was just as bad as the rest.

' _ **No Light... it can't be him. He was hung like the rest. We saw him die. The dead don't come back.'**_

' _Explain it then!'_ Lightning yelled internally as she felt a soft hand being placed on her shoulder. She knew that it was meant to be a reassuring gesture, but she just couldn't seem to find any of that in the contact. If anything it just seemed to make her feel like it was on fire from the closeness.

She knew that she had to look at the man who seemed to have that cursed name, she knew that it would cause her to constantly never feel safe. Looking up and behind her, she could almost swear from the relaxed pacing and the messy yet tame and under control look to the hair, Lightning could almost feel the food she had devoured wanting to come back up.

' _ **This has to be a coincidence Light. It just has to be. We saw Cid draw his last breath. There is no way that is him.'**_

"Light, what is the matter?" Yuna asked calmly as she could see the teen grab hold of her neck. She could almost see Sazh getting ready to jump to try and pry the hand away but after a flick of her wrist, Yuna could see that Lightning wasn't at any risk.

Stepping around the mess on the floor, that Yuna just knew was going to be a nightmare to clean up but there was a bigger issue at hand. Bending down a little, Yuna tried to look into Lightning's eyes to try and see if they would reveal the answer and all she could see was pain and if she didn't know any better panic in the soft blue eyes.

"Light, let's just go to my office. You might feel better there." Yuna said as she could make the subtlest of head movements from the woman. It was as if she wasn't even sure if she could trust her own mind in the given situation. Something that Yuna alone wasn't even positive herself about.

Talking Lightning's arm gently, Yuna started to lead her towards the elevator as she tried to figure out why Lightning someone who up to a few moments prior was happy as could be eating the sandwich to suddenly just freeze up like she did.

The pained expression that was on her face was long since etched into Yuna's mind. She knew that something had to have caused it, but all she could think was the food falling and Sazh saying something after Lightning bumped into an orderly.

As the elevator ascended, Yuna closed her eyes and tried to figure out what it was. Something had to have triggered such a reaction and she seemingly couldn't come up with much, even with it nagging at her in the back of her mind that she knew the answer. She had to have known the answer really.

Once the doors opened, Lightning could feel the hand on her arm as she could feel the knot almost triple in size as she continued to try and find the logic in how a dead man could be here. It had to have been a trick. The problem was she was trying desperately to figure it out she didn't notice the speed of them walking almost redoubled.

As they came to Yuna's door, she could see Sazh quickly open the door causing her some confusion as she was lead to a seat and placed down. The look of determination was ever present on Yuna's face as though she had figured out the cause of Lightning's anguish. Something that she was a little thankful for.

"Light, what is the matter?" Yuna said softly as she tried to raise Lightning's head, finding that it was a lot easier than what it should have been. It was as though she hadn't even fought it in the slightest.

All she could seemingly do was try and help this girl speak. But the sight of her hand just covering her throat was enough to cause Yuna some worry. She didn't know the reason, but it the only thing she could see really that it didn't look like she was trying to choke herself or dig into the arteries and veins in her neck.

By all rights she seemed to at least be a little safe in the current situation. But that didn't make Yuna feel any less useless. The only helpful thing Yuna found was once she got Light sitting down in her office her colour started to return at least a little. She just hoped the two weren't mutually exclusive.

"Light, come on. I need you to talk. Was it your food falling? Did Sazh say something? What? I can't help if I don't know what the problem is." Yuna asked as she could at least see Lightning shifting a little to pull her legs up.

The only thing that Yuna could say about this new change was it wasn't the same when Lightning was bored. Where she just used it as a way to keep her muscles taught and ready to explode out in case she had to leave an area.

This seemed like more of her being in a defence action. Like she would willingly sacrifice her legs and arms just to protect her vital areas. The simple action was more than enough to confuse Yuna further.

"Is this about the punishment you'll get? It won't be that bad Light. This is your first infraction. Chances are we'll just remove some minor privileges." Yuna said as she looked towards Sazh who had been standing by the door the entire time just looking into the room, getting ready to jump in if he needed to protect Yuna and Lightning.

"I doubt it was anything I said. I just told Raines to make start sweeping the kitchen." Sazh spoke as he witnessed Yuna bite her lip in concentration. It was almost as if she had access to information that Sazh didn't. Something he didn't doubt given what he had seen her read into a person from the smallest of things, but this was a new expression he had never seen on her face before.

As Yuna could see Rosa walking towards the open door, she let go of the assault on her lip, as though she had finally figured out why that name was so familiar.

Turning back towards Lightning, Yuna bent down and gently as she could tried to move the teen's head up so she could at least face her. "Light, he isn't Cid Raines. Cid was hung for war crimes just like Galenth Dysley and Jihl Nabaat. And even if they weren't, they would be in jail somewhere in the middle of nowhere with zero chance of seeing sunlight ever again." Yuna said knowing that Rosa was going to at least take a softer but no less stern stance on this incident, or at the very least redouble her interest in Lightning.

Yuna could almost feel her heart break as she watched Lightning fall over onto her side, not even trying to fight the fall. She just knew that the pain that she had to be going through was going to be near unimaginable. But to be in such a state to not even try and soften a blow from falling over was enough to cause her some pain in herself.

' _ **See Light? Ha ha... I told you it couldn't be him.'**_

To Lightning the voice seemed to sound different. There was the lack of confidence in its words. Not even the laugh seemed to carry the same tone to it. If Lightning was being honest it sounded like there was a lack of belief in it's words. Something that Lightning couldn't blame. She had even taken to doubting her own senses.

Even the statement from Yuna she couldn't help but doubt. She knew everything up to them finding her was real. After that everything seemed almost nightmarish. Nothing seemed to be able to snap her from the fact she just knew in her gut that that was Cid.

It had to be Cid.

The man who had repeatedly drowned her just because she accidentally coughed up something. She couldn't really remember what it was. But she remembered her head being held under water. The feeling of her lungs burning from the air being ripped from them lungs.

From that point on she remembered everything she could about the man just like the others. She couldn't run the risk of them ever finding her again. And that was all this was. A nightmare she had countless times was coming true and she didn't know if she could keep herself calm long enough to deal with this.

Deciding to just cut to the chase, Rosa spoke up after a deep breath. "Lightning your recreation time is cut in half for two weeks." Rosa knew that it would do Lightning a lot better if she was in her room. At least she could control the situation up until a point.

Something that would do her a lot better. "Yuna, take her up to her room. And leave only after Sazh comes and gets you. I need to go back into the kitchen and make sure everything is done with a fine tooth comb just in case." Rosa said as Yuna at least smiled relieved that she didn't need to pry Lightning into her previous state. At least now she could try and make what was to come easier.

"Okay." Yuna said as she looked towards Lightning and gently tried to pick her up. "Come on Lightning. Let's get you to your room."


	24. Chapter 24

 

Chapter 24:

As she could see the teen relax a little further on the other side of the door, Yuna quickly turned to Sazh and Rosa. She jumped a little not realising how long she staring at Lightning, clearly it had been long enough to where Sazh and Rosa had been enough to finish their search.

"What is with her?" Rosa asked as Yuna breathed a sigh of relief that it might not actually be as long as she once thought. It was probably a decent quality but she still knew that she probably was here for a long time.

"Before I answer... is it legal to ask if Kramer Raines is related to Cid Raines?" Yuna asked as Rosa raised an eyebrow at her.

"Okay, if we are going to question one of my men, I'd like to know what the hell is going on? First that girl tears us apart like we were nothing, she freezes up, and now you are thinking one of them is related to a war criminal?" Sazh snapped as he looked at the doctors. Hoping that either of them would reveal anything.

Typically he didn't really like to pry about patients, but this woman was becoming a worrisome thing for him and everyone he is in charge of for the safety. If this woman had an issue like that with one of the orderlies, and had a chance to cause a lot of people serious harm. She was starting to seem more and more like she should be in one of the stronger security buildings.

"She is a survivor of the purge, and was kept as a stress relieving implement Dysley and his Generals had. Which include just about any number of things you can imagine. So that would explain her reaction like that." Rosa stated out loud as though she was trying to mitigate any sort of technicality. Something that Yuna knew didn't really matter given the circumstance. "To be clear, I don't think he has any relation Sazh, but it is best to air on the side of caution. Can't hurt to ask him." Rosa continued as Sazh took a deep breath.

"He is my man, I'll ask him. But as far as I'm concerned unless he himself did something illegal his relationship to anyone doesn't matter." Sazh stated as he looked into the room. "Still doesn't explain how she can kick the teeth in of a group of us." Sazh continued as he tried to figure out how the two were connected.

"She does a lot of sports... and has a habit of training with Auron... you know that professional fighter that fell off the face of the earth somewhat. Long time family friend of mine and Tidus. He actually introduced us. After he bruised Tidus' ego a lot. And so I find it apt that Tidus' first meeting with her was the same." Yuna said with a slight chuckle as she turned to face the group. "As for how she took out Kain... and was able to fight back through that, or pick the lock to her door... I have no idea. Something she picked up amongst the squalor she was in when they found her." Yuna reasoned as she could at least feel at least at rest about that.

"Let's just get the paperwork sorted about this Yuna, inform her family, apologise to Fang. We might have given her a heart attack earlier." Rosa stated as Yuna frowned at that. At this point she wasn't sure which one she would rather do. But she knew that it had to be done. She just wished that it wasn't the case.

"I'll call Lightning's family. Fang listens better to you." Yuna said hoping that her boss would just buy that one comment. Just because it would go by smoother for them all.

"Fine, I'll call her, but you should bring the file down to your office. Peruse it all you want." Rosa said as she started to rub her eyes. As though she letting her annoyance seep through, something that Yuna just how this was seeming like a more and more up hill battle with a single patient that seemed like she was just barely holding everything together since she got there, and they just seemed to be making things worse.

"Okay. We should get going then."

* * *

"Are you positive that she is going to be in here? I mean there was an attempted breakout last night and if it wasn't you." Porom asked as Vanille rolled her eyes and started to knock on the door.

It was something that was an annoyance but at the same time she could see the merit in asking. If just because she knew out of just about everyone that was there Porom was the kindest in giving people privacy. Something that Vanille at points enjoyed.

This however wasn't one of those times were it helped them in any way. If anything it just hindered most of the progress of them trying to get Lightning. Under other circumstances with the pink haired woman that concern would have been perfect.

"I didn't make an attempt. It would be like if they said if you tried you couldn't be with your brother at all. That is like me and Fang. And Light is going to be in here." Vanille said as she knocked on the door, just barely remembering how Lightning reacted to her walking in the other day.

"You've explained it... but I mean, Porom is such a drag some of the time. I mean she won't let me eat my pudding first, always makes me watch my language... won't even let me take up something cool. Like book tossing." Palom muttered as Vanille rolled her eyes knowing that the teen was trying her hardest to make sure the treatment they both were getting would stick.

"But you guys still love each other." Vanille said as she sighed and turned towards the twins. "Step back, I'm going to open the door and she can possibly freak out and if the rumours are true she may hurt me." Vanille half lied as the duo took a few steps back and pressed their backs to the wall.

Sighing at knowing that was from them putting stock into the rumour that had spread, that Vanille would actually really like to know where it came from. If just to set them straight. This was getting laughable really.

As Vanille opened the door, she was about to take a step in when the door swung shut again. Wincing as she took a step back, Vanille started to rub her nose, loathing how twice Lightning had hurt it.

"Light! It's just me, Vanille! I brought the twins!" Vanille yelled through the door getting ready to just scream in annoyance from having the door slammed in her face literally twice in nearly as many days.

After a few seconds the trio could hear some shifting from the other side of the door to be met with the sight of Lightning looking through the window. It was as though she was checking the hallway out leaving Vanille to sigh.

Gesturing the twins from the wall, she was getting ready to just groan vocally at Lightning from making this unnecessarily complicated. But she knew that with a girl like Lightning the thought of paranoia wasn't a far fetched one. She had no idea what was going through the woman's head and there was the joys of multiple extra things going through.

"See? Come on. We got sent to get you for breakfast. Next is going to be the Orderlies. And they are pissed for whatever reason. So the odds of them taking it out on people is increased." Vanille continued as she could see the girl slide behind the door. Something that Vanille hoped was her opening the door.

She just had a gut feeling that if the orderlies had to come, they'd take out their anger on her. She didn't know why and didn't really want to question it, she just wanted to prevent that. Not to mention she wanted to see if Lightning knew who broke out last night because from what she could tell from the cafeteria everyone who was meant to be there was.

"Who else?" the croaky voice came out as Vanille rolled her eyes. She was a little curious as to why Lightning's voice was cracking as though she was terrified. But she couldn't for the life of her find a reason for that.

"No one. This floor is empty. So come on... it's pancake day. And the kitchen is saving the rest until you've had some because of your super high metabolism, and right now you are syrup jacking me. Plus meds... that is another reason you need to come down." Vanille ranted off as the door lightly cracked open, just so she could swivel her head around as thought she was trying to verify the facts. Something that Vanille didn't really care.

As though she was satisfied with what Vanille said, she took a step out before closing the door. Getting ready to defend herself at a second's notice. But for some reason Lightning found the fact Vanille was here just made her relax a little.

She had supposed it was because Vanille reminded her a lot of Serah. And namely it was the fact that she was caring of Light as well as everyone else. But that relaxation was almost overshadowed by the blatant fear caused from the fact she knew one of her tormentors had seemed to have escaped the hangman's tie. Which meant that more could have escaped, which meant that she could be in serious danger.

"Hey, Light. Do you know who broke out last night? The rumour says that whoever did it killed like one hundred different people." Palom asked as his sister delivered an elbow to his ribs. "What Porom?"

"Not the time or the place Palom. Plus rumours always over exaggerate things. I mean if they killed that many people you would see people missing, and they would be in the south building."

"I didn't kill anyone. I just put the one chef in the sleeper hold. And he was up after a few minutes." Lightning said as she quickly started to swivel her head as though she was trying her hardest to not jump at the smallest of noises. But she had to protect herself. Looking towards the small boy, she almost groaned at the gleam of excitement in his eyes.

"Don't tell him!" Porom and Vanille both yelled at Lightning as she quickly looked towards them as though she was confused. None of that mattered though. Once they got to the elevator, Lightning quickly slipped in as Vanille just rolled her eyes.

She still remembered the first time she tried to run, and that alone would explain the actions. But she hadn't ever been able to take out any of the staff in any of her attempts, which would make even more sense as to how skittish she was acting. But she knew that at least Lightning could hold herself just fine.

As the doors closed, Vanille just closed her eyes and smiled. "Where did you learn that?" Palom asked nearly jumping for joy where he was standing. As though he was excited about everything.

"Lightning a word of warning, my brother most of the time can't keep his mouth shut. You should see him when we are going to mass." Porom said as Lightning felt strange being on this side of the conversation. She knew that Palom was going to take offence but that wasn't going to stop his sister from trying to mitigate the damage.

"I so can. Just th-"

"It's fine. Because honestly I don't know. I just know I know how to do it. Things seem to drift into one blur for me. It just so happens that is one of the things that is vivid enough for me to remember. Same with lock picking." Lightning stated as it was Vanille's turn to be shocked.

"Is that how you got out? Damn, it was a spur of the moment. How far did you get? My record is the hedge."

"I just went to the kitchen to get something to eat. I wasn't trying to escape. It isn't exactly that hard due to some of the things I've broken out from with literal life or death risks." Lightning stated as she smiled at the sight of the doors parting.

She supposed at the very least right now, she might actually get to see if the chef that she ran into last night was really okay about what had happened. Or maybe at the very least that she would be able to get a full stomach. And then possibly she would be given the same cocktail of drugs she was given yesterday just because she had no adverse side effects.

Walking into the cafeteria, Lightning smiled at the sight of the orderlies, none seemed to have been the cursed man she had spent the night cowering from. Something that made her start to question the validity of what she saw and heard the night before hand.

It was an almost revolting feeling that her instincts for the first time in a very long time were wrong. But she supposed the voice was also right in saying that it couldn't be the real Cid. So if at the very least a part of her instinct was right.

' _ **Don't take credit for me being right. I was right, and you were a crazy bitch. That is all... I mean... I wasn't worried... not at all.'**_

Lightning just had to shake her head, she couldn't believe she had to say she was starting to get used to comments like that. But she supposed that that was just from the fact of how long they had been in a near blackout from the outside world.

Just the two of them.

It wasn't that it was exactly a bad thing, she just wished that it wasn't becoming more and more common where she was getting used to the voice having similar cracks in it's personality as her own.

Glancing towards her side, she could see Vanille smiling as she nearly was skipping in her spot as Lightning grasped one of the trays and started to walk down the somewhat empty line, where she at least smiled at the familiar blonde haired man standing behind the counter.

"So, you really are as small as I remembered." Kain said as Lightning looked down. "Don't get me wrong I'm not mad. Just impressed someone like you could hang on." Kain continued as he started to rub his neck as Vanille started to go wide eyed at the simple vindication of Lightning telling the truth as to who broke out last night.

"Again I'm super sorry about that. I just was super hungry and I couldn't see an alternative." Lightning said just barely mustering the courage to look the man in the eyes as she begged for forgiveness for what she did.

"Again, I'm not mad. Just took me by surprise. And Rosa calmed down after like an hour. It isn't the first time she caught me doing something stupid and it won't be the last." Kain started trying to express how much that he didn't care once he got over the initial anger from the situation. "So what do you want in the pancakes. We have chocolate, blueberries, banana and plain." He continued as Lightning just smiled a little at the forgiveness.

"Strange request... but can I have all of them mixed into one?" Lightning asked as Kain just chuckled at the comment as he started to walk towards one of the other chefs behind the counter and quickly whispered something to him before he walked back towards the counter to see Vanille standing there.

"Are you seriously going to try Vanille? You've already had eight pancakes." Kain stated as Vanille just turned to stare at him with doe eyes. As the battle of wills started to ensue, Kain just took a deep breath as he spoke up "Fine, one more. What do you wan-, you want one like Light's don't you?" Kain asked as Vanille quickly nodded her head in affirmation. It was as though she had never heard or even thought about mixing the fillings like that, but seeing as she has, she suddenly wants it in her life.

"Fine, you two wait here, I'll go and get them made quickly. And neither of you can stay here when you have something on your schedule." Kain stated as he started to walk off causing Vanille to just laugh at that comment.

Turning towards Vanille, Lightning couldn't help but seem to enjoy the sound of Vanille's laughter as she leaned forward and glanced towards Lightning. It was as though she was trying to seem as calm about something as she possibly could as a smell started to waft towards them.

"We got nothing until eleven. And even then I have group. You get to be with Yuna... and or Rosa. And seeing as you made an attempt last night, that is what they are mostly going to want to talk about in my experience. But it isn't that bad." Vanille said slightly relaxed as she started to try and crane her body to look out the small offshoot area to see if there remaining companions and Hope were still at the table.

Lightning just took another calming breath as she was going to dread that single thing. Namely needing to talk about the reason as to why they thought she'd escape. Or even if she remembered the rules loosely how they would have told her family just causing her to dread the fact if Serah got wind of it.

But the sound of foot falls in front of her caused her to open her eyes and smile at the plates in Kain's hands that were placed down on the plate. "Lightning, come back up once you are done. Because you need to have your blood sugar tested and you can't leave here until it is at a certain level. New rule Rosa created last night to prevent further incidents of me getting my ass handed to me." Kain said with a laugh as Lightning said a quick thank you as she picked up the tray and started to follow Vanille who had practically sprint off towards the group that Lightning could almost feel a vein develop every time she had to talk to them. But at least it was better than Serah thinking that she was being intentionally cold towards everyone.

' _ **Come on Light... there is an empty table. Let's just go over there. It would prevent us from snapping and**_ _ **hurting**_ _ **one of the people you've grown fond over.'**_

' _I'm not fond of anyone.'_

' _ **Keep telling yourself that.'**_


	25. Chapter 25

 

Chapter 25:

"So how do you feel about the rec time being cut Light. I mean you were antsy yesterday even with having the full time." Yuna asked as Lightning rolled her eyes a little. She figured that this would have been standard, but it still didn't make her feel any better about it.

"How did my family take it? I wrote down some of the rules I figured I might break and read over them and know someone had to have called them and told them about it." Lightning asked, fearing what would happen if she moved from her position. But she also feared what would happen if Serah knew first hand.

' _ **Aw... is Light scared her parents might pay some attention to her? Personally I say it will suck. I mean that means hell would freeze over and our enemies will have a better life down there.'**_

Giving the pink haired teen a lopsided smile, Yuna was left unsure if she should tell Lightning but at the same time she knew that she could use this as a way to get some sort of reaction from the girl she had been talking to for half an hour.

"Tell you what Light, if you tell me how you are doing with the restriction on rec time for two weeks, I'll tell you how your family took it. I called them myself." Yuna posed to Lightning who took a deep breath. It was as though she was actually weighing the pros and cons of that one thing up in her head, and was coming up a little short.

' _ **Go on Light. Tell her how it makes you want to turn the cel- I mean bedroom we now have shades of red for boredom's sake. And I definitely meant bedroom, and not comparing this place to a prison.'**_

Shaking her head a little, Lightning looked into the multicoloured eyes and just knew that this was going to be the only way it would seem to get information on the situation back at home. All it would take is her simply saying how much she didn't like being confined like that.

"I dislike it. I don't like it when I can't work out. It is making me feel like I'm in a cage again." Lightning said as she resituated how she was hugging her knees. Just so she could explode at a seconds notice and get out of there. Something that was becoming increasingly like the better option. "But I suppose out of all the things, a few weeks isn't that bad. So your turn." Lightning continued as she hoped that she wasn't going to be put on some watch list from her first statement.

"Serah was mad thinking that you were trying to break out, but I convinced her that you weren't. And then there was some light scolding from her being on a separate phone listening in. But your mother was a little worried, and your father said something to the effect of 'no surprise'. Which I suppose would bring be onto my next point, why do you think your father would say something like that?" Yuna asked as she crossed her legs and stared at Lightning who started to take some deep breaths.

' _ **Ah, Light this is our chance. Just tear into the woman and let this bitch know. Let her know everything under the sun about father dearest. Even if it isn't true tell her. Like he is an upstanding citizen that does the name Farron proud. Does everything from being in politics to investments to banking to neglecting his first born daughter... actually none of those are outside the scope of the family.'**_

Groaning internally, Lightning took a deep breath as she contemplated how much she could actually talk about that wouldn't get her stared at like she had two heads. And not all of them she was positive would get the point across.

"You could say it is a curse. Every first born in my family that is a woman is hated because we are expected to be married off, when the men are meant to maintain the power and strength of one of the oldest and wealthiest families... so I suppose me being in here is his second attempt at getting rid of me like he did during the purge." Lightning muttered as she could see Yuna develop an interested look. As if sensing the next question Lightning decided to hit it off at before it got out. "I was told. By him, by Dysley, by all his generals, by some of the people that are in my family's circle. It isn't really a secret with the exception of Serah."

"That is a serious claim Lightning. I mean why would any parent want to put their child through what you went through?" Yuna asked as she leaned forward, hoping that Lightning wouldn't take this chance to practically run.

"Because it is literally the only thing my mother cared about. She said she would only have two children. And if one died... then she would have another and he could have hoped for a son to carry on the family name. But because he loved Serah he wanted her back and got in contact somehow with Dysley and convinced him... or bribed him... or something and got Serah back. Which was the only reason I was left alive and treated so bad. They thought they could get in contact with him again." Lightning continued as she looked down. "And it is also the only reason he wants me here. So that way it looks like he trying to help me to the outside world when in reality it is so I'm as far away from him as possible. And if anyone said anything to the contrary they will be buried under a mountain of lawsuits... if that doesn't shut them up, my family has enough pull in governments that could get any sort of charges brought up on them with any evidence you could imagine."

Taking a deep breath Yuna looked at Lightning wondering how much of that was true. If all, then how many people who spoke out against one of the oldest known families was right and just silenced. If none of it was true, then why would Lightning make such a fantastical story that just seemed to hurt her family image. Not that it wasn't believable. She had seen what some families with less of an influence would do... but one that seemed nigh impossible to destroy, the amount it could do with no backlash.

' _ **Damn Light. I was joking about not pulling punches. Now you just got her started on a quest that effectively gave her permission to be as nosey as she wants.'**_

"He'll never give her an inch about the family." Lightning whispered to herself as she started to look around the once comforting room and took some deep breaths before she spoke up and at Yuna, "You said I could end any topic I don't like... I don't like this one anymore. It is making me feel really uncomfortable."

"Okay, it is your choice what we talk about. If you don't want to talk about that monkey on your back, what else do you want to talk about? The weather? A particular sport you like? Favourite sandwich combinations because frankly the one last night seemed stomach churning for me." Yuna asked leaning back in her seat, a little curious as to why Lightning would get so defensive over something she had talked about so casually before.

"The sandwich last night was delicious." Lightning stated as she hugged her legs tighter before she spoke up again not giving Yuna a chance to probe further down that topic. "And I like kendo a lot... and I used to play a lot of blitzball after I left the swimming team but I was suspended from the blitzball team for _unsportsmanship_ _like conduct_. Which was total bull. They injured our goalie off the field, so I injured theirs on the field." Lightning said as she could see Yuna's face light up a little.

She wasn't really sure as to why Yuna was so happy over something like that given how in her experience talking about violence was considered a faux pas. But she supposed that was enough for her to get a glimpse as to something about Lightning that truthfully she didn't really care.

"You like Blitzball? My husband used to play it professionally. He was the star of the Abes. And a close friend and the head orderly of the north building played for the Aurochs. I think Wakka was the captain actually." Yuna stated revealing why she found that much interesting. As though it was a huge tidbit that was revealed.

"The Abes were terrible after Jecht left taking with him 'The Sublimely Magnificent Jecht shot Mark III' and the Aurochs haven't managed to get a single win in seemingly forever." Lightning stated as Yuna just chuckled a little at the comment.

"Oh, Tidus would be mad at that." Yuna got out as she shook her head lightly before she looked at Lightning. "Tidus is Jecht's only child, and there was some animosity between them. But what team do you support then? I'm kind of locked into the Abes or Aurochs." Yuna asked as Lightning just smiled at the fact that Jecht's son went down from one hit, and went down easily.

"My favourite team no longer exists... but it was the Nomads. My favourite team though playing is either the Goers or the Psyches." Lightning said as Yuna smiled and chuckled a little at that. As though it really was the single most interesting thing she had ever heard before.

"The Nomads haven't been around for twelve years more or less. Why are they your favourite?" Yuna asked hoping that she could figure out anything else to bond with Lightning over just so they didn't need to rely so heavily on Vanille.

Looking down a bit, Lightning started to chew a little on her lip as she took some deep breaths. As though she was contemplating something that was huge, and nearly earth shattering. Something that she didn't understand really.

' _ **Oh come on Light! Just tell her. This is all boring... just so we can get onto something fun.'**_

"Some of my happiest memories are from watching them play. I don't remember most of my time before the Purge, but I do remember how happy I was watching them play, some of the times Serah even joined me and my mother when they played. Life seemed perfect back then." Lightning said as she prayed for the time to just change so she could get out of there. "Can we not talk about this now? I'm feeling a little uncomfortable." Lightning asked as Yuna nodded her head.

' _ **Plus you know... you are a bit of a bitch. I mean, you don't even talk about how we used to opera before that.'**_

"We didn't sing opera." Lightning muttered silently as she leaned over onto her side, just so she could relax a lot easier about the entire topic. At the very least she could take a deep breath and calm down a lot easier than she might have otherwise.

As she began to get comfortable, Lightning spoke up again. "How much longer is left in this meeting?" Lightning asked just hoping that Yuna wasn't going to take much offence, but it would make her feel a lot better. She had no reason why but as the more she talked during this meeting in this room the harder and harder it became. As though she was suffocating and just wasting her breath that she could have used to prolong her life a little longer.

Glancing towards the watch on her wrist, Yuna smiled and spoke up "About five minutes. Why? Are you feeling a bit shaky, or stomach rumbly? Or do just want to know if we could have another topic to talk about?" Yuna asked hoping that it was the latter most option.

"I just don't want to talk about much more..."

"Okay. If you want you can leave early and head up to Rosa's office."

"I'm fine with a few extra minutes... the crowds will be thinner."

* * *

Laughing a little, Vanille leaned back in her chair wondering how she was going to get out of doing this stupid group thing, but she knew that there wasn't really a way that she could that wouldn't raise that many questions. She was just stuck hearing the recanting of the one patient that seemed to have been here longer than she had been.

"But then I went into the garden and smelled the flowers and that relaxed me." The blue haired woman spoke softly as Vanille just rolled her eyes knowing that she was going to give her people a bad name, and they had already a number of negative free loving stereotypes they had to overcome.

Vanille wasn't sure if she was caught from her relaxing too much, or the minor scoff she gave as she resituated herself into a comfortable position, but what she did know was that the man wearing the white turban noticed and it seemed to have irked him a little.

"Well Vanille, you seem to have been quiet. Do you want to talk next?" The man spoke as Vanille rolled her eyes and started to sit up in her chair.

"Not really... but I suppose I can try Minwu." Vanille said as she started to crack her back a little. "Well, I got a little mad last night that when there was a breakout I was the first to be blamed and they had even called Fang. A little impressed that Lightning took down Kain easily... I mean Kain is a really big guy and she took him to the ground with a sleeper hold after picking the lock to her room." Vanille started leaning back in her chair as she could see the doctor getting a little uneasy. As though he wanted to stop Vanille there.

It was something that she was well acquainted with. Her saying something in group that made some people uneasy but because they couldn't exactly tell her not to share during her time, they'll let it go and just _ask_ her to avoid group for a day. An offer that was a little tempting.

"But I mean, while cool, I can't hel-"

"Cool? She got into a fight with an ex air force captain! That is something we should fear being with us." The silver haired boy who had been a little uneasy about some of the rumours going around about the pink haired woman had yelled interrupting Vanille.

Hope's uneasiness wasn't something that wasn't foreign to Vanille. It seemed that everyone new introduced would cause a string of rumours almost designed to rile the man up. Something that made Vanille just roll her eyes as looked towards the man.

"Hope. You had your time to share. If you wish to talk again wait for Vanille to be done." Minwu stated as the silver haired teen bit his lip as everyone looked towards Vanille. As if they were expecting her to go for Hope's throat as she so often did.

"Hope, calm down. The rumour about her taking out fifty orderlies, seven nurses and six separate doctors, is bullshit. Light is perfectly safe to be around and if she does lash out she apologises almost instantly afterwards. Besides, you are looking at someone who was with Lightning and saw the aftermath of what she happened her first night." Vanille countered as she took a deep breath and just shrugged her shoulders. "Seriously, any of you that believe that rumour are just as dumb as Hope. Light is perfectly fine... just don't crowd her. From what she has told me and it hasn't been a whole lot, she has been through seemingly more shit than any of us." Vanille continued as she felt the harsh gaze of the doctor on her.

"That is a loaded statement and you know that Vanille. You've been here a long time. What makes you so sure that one woman has been through more than the likes of Hope, or Yuel, or even you?" The Doctor posed as Vanille frowned a little knowing she couldn't reveal as much as she wanted to without getting Yuna or Rosa in trouble. But she knew that she had to answer the man.

Taking one deep breath Vanille rolled her eyes along with her head as she spoke up again, "Because she survived the Purge. She was Dysley's toy. One he didn't mind sharing with anyone under him. She was beaten, raped, and is still trucking along just fine bar for being a little crazy. Meanwhile Yuel is like me. We weren't used to how cutthroat people are compared to Paddra or Oerba. And after us, that leaves the next major thing is Hope seeing his mom die and then developing a feeling of setting things on fire to help with it, were as I used fire to try and kill myself and punish myself. As for Yuel... I got nothing." Vanille said as she could feel some eyes on her.

It was as though she had just revealed some huge slabs of information that as far as she was concerned was pretty obvious if you paid attention to even one of them talking. Hell Vanille didn't exactly hide how or why she tried to set herself on fire. The only thing she revealed was things about Lightning that Lightning again didn't really shy away from telling provided if you look into things enough. Even if she wasn't sure how much damage that one man caused, but she knew that Lightning deserved to be here just as much as anyone else.

"As for why it came onto me after Yuel... I just don't get the fascination with flowers. Like I like them as much as the next proud Pulse woman... but they wouldn't calm me down." Vanille said as she could just see the man across from her rubbing his eyes as though he was a big exasperated.

"Kramer, can you take Vanille to Yuna. If she wants a reason tell her to find me after group." The man said as he pinched the bridge of his nose letting out a sigh.

Rolling her eyes, Vanille stood up from the chair and quickly left the circle. Just glad to be out of group, and hoped that Yuna or Rosa weren't going to punish her that much. As far as she was concerned she followed the rules still. Maybe she was a bit harsher than she should have been, but she still did what she was told. There was nothing she could really do if they decided the opposite. She just hoped that that wasn't the case.


	26. Chapter 26

 

Chapter 26:

Lightning smiled as she stood up, stretching. Just enjoying the sound of her joints cracking as she got ready to leave Yuna's office. She knew that Yuna had probably read enough into her character from what they talked about so she didn't exactly feel bad for the ignoring all the questions that came for the last few minutes.

She knew that the best she could have done really boiled down to the fact that she was still finding it hard to talk. The only bonus was the fact that Yuna had been kind enough to just accept that after a barrage of questions for a minute or two until she saw that Lightning wasn't going to exactly answer any of them.

"Do you remember the way to Rosa's office?" Yuna asked as Lightning started to crack her her neck a little. She knew that the question was coming, but Lightning was more so curious how she was meant to have forgotten a simple route like that. She supposed that it made sense given how she already has a black spot in her time here already.

"Yeah I know." Lightning said as she just wanted to ignore any other question as she started to walk towards the door. Taking a deep breath, Lightning prayed that she timed this right and was going to avoid at least a number of the people.

As she opened the door, Lightning could feel her throat tighten just as much as it had the previous night. The soft almost boyish features on the tall man. The grey piercing eyes that had caused her a lot of pain and suffering. Lightning could vaguely see someone else with him, but that didn't matter to Lightning.

' _ **Light. Hide. Now.'**_

For once in a long while, Lightning and the voice were in tune and they both could feel the phantom hand wrapping around her neck as it held her under in the tub filled with animal urine all over again. The pain of having her ribs broken carefully so she could still do all she was supposed to and cause her as much pain as she could imagine.

The phrase he used to describe it was one that Lightning could never forget.

_Don't worry, I'm just going to make sure you are green-broke._

The sound of the door was enough to make Yuna jump at her spot by the table as she quickly watched Lightning run towards her desk and quickly dived under it. It was causing a minor amount of annoyance in Yuna as she walked towards the desk. Taking just a step behind it, Yuna felt her eyebrow raise at the sight.

Lightning in the fetal position again. It seemed different from the first night when she lashed out at everyone. It was closer to how she was the previous night. One of pure defence over something that had bothered her a lot. To the point where her need to preserve herself was higher than any other need she might have had.

"Light, what is wrong? You can't stay here. Rosa is expecting you." Yuna said as she could here a loud knock on her door. Sighing internally, Yuna didn't want to leave Lightning in a state like this. But she also figured that was important. "Come in." Yuna said hoping that whoever it was, was going to be able to stay still outside long enough until Yuna could coax Lightning out of her hiding place.

As the door opened it dawned on Yuna as to why Lightning had such a reaction, as well a little bit of an annoyance to her in the red haired girl who had walked in casually and sat down in one of the seats crossing her arms looking mad.

"Kramer, I'll deal with her. Just have a minor problem right now." Yuna said hoping that the orderly would accept that and leave.

"Do you need help? Is it a patient?" He said taking a few steps as Yuna quickly held her hands up as though she was demanding that he stop where he was.

"Kramer, this isn't something where you can be of help to me. There is no danger to anyone. If there was, I can simply dial a number and have this floor on lock down." Yuna said as she lowered her hands, a little glad as she could see the man accept it but with an uneasy thing for him to accept. "Just go back to group. I'm sure Minwu would feel a little easier with you because if Vanille was kicked out that means she might have done something to make the group feel uneasy. I have everything covered here." Yuna continued hoping that it would accepted in its entirety.

Seeing the man walk out, in what Yuna knew was going to make him feel useless. But if Yuna was being honest, she didn't care about that. If he helped like he wanted to, he would have just done more damage.

Sighing Yuna walked towards the phone and picked it up, hoping that Rosa would just be willing to swap offices, or at least take Vanille and get to the bottom of what had happened. "Sit right there Vanille." Yuna demanded as she at least enjoyed the fact that Vanille seemed to accept that. Hearing the phone on the other end getting picked up, Yuna smiled a little.

"We have a situation. Lightning is currently under my desk and looks like Vanille did something either intentionally or unintentionally she shouldn't have during group. Kramer was the one to bring her and I think Lightning saw him." Yuna said as prayed that there was going to be anything that Rosa could see that they could do about this situation.

"I'll be down in a minute with Sazh and Kramer. Because I've got good news and bad news. Just try and get Lightning out from under your desk." Rosa began as she took a deep breath. "And try and get Vanille help you. We may need to use her connection with Lightning."

"Fine." Yuna said as she quickly hung up the phone and walked back towards Lightning. Grabbing the chair and moving it out of the way, Yuna frowned at how that seemed to make Lightning cower a lot more. As if some sort of protection she had in place had been removed.

"Lightning, it is okay. It is just me and Vanille in here with you." Yuna said as she quickly looked over the long, barren slab of wood to see Vanille having developed a keen interest all of a sudden. As though she was wanting to help but also didn't want to get up. "Do you want me or Vanille... or anyone in particular to talk to you?" Yuna asked hoping that it would get Lightning to at least talk, but at the same time she just didn't like how quick it was for Lightning to revert to the stature of a terrified child.

' _ **AAAAAAAHHHHHH! THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! HE IS DEAD. HE HAS TO BE!'**_

' _I know! He has to be! It isn't possible! But you saw the exact same thing as I did! He was right there!'_ Lightning yelled back mentally as she started to rock in her position. Hands clamped over the back of her body as she tried to think of every possible reason someone like Cid Raines was able to get out of being executed.

Lightning knew that the talking with herself, while probably the closest thing to being unhealthy, it still made things feel a lot better. If she couldn't figure it out, and the voice in her head couldn't with it's vast knowledge it seemed privy to, just made Lightning feel that much better about the entire situation.

The pink haired teen already knew that there was someone outside her vision trying to talk to her, but it wasn't going to help the situation any. Lightning was ready to crack and do something she knew she might regret. That much was clear to her.

"Vanille, come over here. You may be able to get through to her." Yuna said softly as the red haired teen jumped up and nearly over the table if she knew without a doubt that she could make the jump. But she was doubting that just as much as she'd doubted how much she had defended Lightning.

As she rounded the desk, she nearly froze at the sight of Lightning cowering once again. Tears running down her face as she nearly clawed at her head. Something that raised far more questions to Vanille. It was as though she was trying to figure something out.

"Is this a side effect of the meds?" Vanille asked taking a few steps back, fearing that if that was a yes, how many more would be like Lightning is now. She knew that at least one of the pills she could recognise the likes of Porom and Palom would take. And she doubted they would be strong enough like Lightning.

"No, this has nothing to do with that, and I can't exactly tell you what it is." Yuna said as she could hear a knock at her door. "And I need you to try and get her out of there. Otherwise we are going to have an issue where we need to sedate her." Yuna stated as she stood up and Vanille nodded her head.

Quickly running to the door, Yuna opened it carefully and smiled a faint smile as she slipped out of the room. As she stood there, she took in the sight of Rosa and Sazh looking a little worried and the man she had rushed out of the room looking annoyed.

"Good news, we may have an extra tool in our arsenal. Bad news, I'll let Kramer talk about his connection." Rosa stated as the boyish man just looked a little confused over something.

"Connection to what?" Kramer asked as he turned to his direct boss who rolled his eyes. "You mean to Cid? He was my twin brother. Why?" The man asked becoming perturbed at this entire situation between being kicked out of the room making him panic to be called back down in a matter of minutes.

"This is very bad." Yuna muttered as she lowered her head into her open palms and started to take some deep breaths. She already knew that this was something major she had to deal with. Not only did she need to let this man know of how detrimental he could be to one patient's health just by being around her, but she knew him enough to know that he would try and help ignoring the damage.

Sensing Yuna's apprehension, Rosa spoke up. She knew that she could at least pass it off if Lightning eventually wanted to press charges on her once she was better. "Your brother, along with the likes of Dysley, Jihl and so many others did some terrible things that we know of to one of the patients." Rosa started as Yuna took a deep breath and looked towards the door behind her.

"And it seems the sight of you, may have caused her to regress into that of a child cowering from Cid under my desk." Yuna started as she barely caught the man's arm as he tried to storm past her into the room. It was something that Yuna knew was him just wanting to help. "Right now, our best bet is trying to get her out and calm her down. But if the sight of you was enough to cause this trying to get her out from a cornered state would be like trying to grab a feral behemoth trying to lick it's broken leg clean."

As the man quickly turned towards Sazh who just shrugged his shoulders. "If she gets a reaction triggered last time I'd say it is closer to the legend of Attacus." Sazh stated as the fighting died down in the man.

"If you want to help Kramer, stay in group meetings. If we eventually think she is strong enough, and you still want to help we'll find you." Yuna stated, not even bothering to check with Rosa to see if that would be the right action. Yuna just knew that it was.

* * *

' _ **He is dead. We saw his scrawny neck snap. There is no way he can be real. This is all... I don't know a hallucination? Your mind being a complete dick in a part I don't even know about?'**_

' _We saw him! He was right there! If he could weasel his way out, then that means the rest probably did. Which means they are going to be coming back for us.'_

' _ **Light! We saw him die. He didn't have a bag on. We saw the rope cutting into his neck, and then some blood from where it broke the skin. That cannot be him. You can't fake that. So lis-'**_

It was in the middle of the voice's rant, that another broke free to Lightning. She couldn't figure out to who the voice belonged to, but what she did know was the soothing manner in which the voice belonged was a shock to her.

" _Light... can you look at me?"_

Clenching her hands once again, Lightning started to take deep breaths as she began the debate if she should just pull at her hair. Maybe the pain from that new round of it would be enough to wake her up from this nightmare. This all had to be fake.

" _Light... it is just us in here."_

There was the voice again. It was frail almost. Not like the voices she normally heard. It didn't have the confidence, or terror inside it. The voice seemed to have the same fragility to it, that Lightning had often heard when Serah had talked to her. Even if she had never seen her in such a weak state.

' _ **Light. Ignore her. Listen to me. That can't be Cid. There has to be a reason we are seeing hi-'**_

" _Light. I'm sure you are trying to reason something to yourself. But you look like you are having a panic attack. Just open your eyes. The phantoms in your past can't hurt you if you just open your eyes."_

' _ **Light! Ignore her! That**_ _ **w**_ _ **asn't. It couldn't have been. Cid.'**_

Feeling the two voices seem to develop into a contradiction, Lightning began to tug her fists away from her head. Feeling the strands of her pink hair between her fists seemed to relax her a lot more than listening to either of them.

It seemed she knew the answer all along.

Pain.

It was so simple. It would divert her attention from how her brain was taking a turn to cause her pain. It couldn't cause her pain, if she was already in pain.

Letting go of the strands in her clenched fist, Lightning quickly returned it back to her head getting ready to pull again when she felt two hands being placed on either side of her head. As she could feel panic and fear start to set in again, the voices seemed to break into her head once again.

' _ **Light! Panic! Someone is with us!'**_

" _Light, open your eyes. You need to open them so I can show you, you aren't in any risk."_

At the simple voice seemingly coming through with the feeling of comfort in how they held her head carefully, Lightning couldn't help but crack her eyes open a little.

Once the blue eyes opened enough, she couldn't help but feel some of the comfort from the red haired teen under the desk with her. The sun light shining onto her in such a way that Lightning could feel some of the emotions start to melt away a little.

' _ **Light. She is too close. Get her away! This comfort is false and you know it! You know the only one you can trust is me.'**_

"Light, we can stay under here as long as you want. Yuna trusted us in her office by ourselves. But if you still feel like panicking, want me to teach you something?" Vanille asked calmly. She couldn't believe how the tables having turned so much in the short span of time that was a few years. Vanille still remembered hiding in a similar place when the orphanage was closing and Fang had gotten her to calm down.

' _ **You don't need anything Light. It is all fake. I bet if you walk out that door, you won't even see anything like him.'**_

' _It couldn't hurt to just know it. Logic isn't working this time. And it didn't work last night.'_ Lightning thought as she nodded her head. She was confident that it wasn't going to help, but she also knew that it wouldn't hurt just to know it.

Smiling at Lightning, Vanille couldn't help but just know if Hope saw this Lightning then he wouldn't be panicking nearly as much about her as he had been. This wasn't the Lightning that had snapped and injured people, this wasn't the one from the previous night where she took down Kain.

This was the terrified girl who was practically begging to just get better like the rest of them there. And Vanille knew that if she could help Lightning, then maybe she would have at least done a small bit of good in this world to try and balance out all the evil and destruction.

"Take ten deep breaths in, ten deep breaths out. Then five deep breaths in and hold it for the count of five and breath each one of those out. Then take ten more deep breaths in followed by ten deep breaths out. I know it sounds simple, but it works for a basket case like me." Vanille stated, still remembering the face Fang had when she explained that to her. Even if it seemed super simple, she still had no idea how it worked.

As Vanille could see Lightning trying her best, to take in as deep of a breath as she could before she started to let the ragged breaths out. Vanille couldn't help but smile at the sight of it starting to work.

Pulling her hands away a little, Vanille was surprised when Lightning hands shot down from the top of her head and quickly grabbed onto her wrists as though it was to keep her hands holding her head for whatever reason.

But to Lightning it was as obvious as anything she really did. It was the comfort she was receiving. It was the only thing that was keeping her this focused and not becoming a pile of rubble all over again.

As the final breath left Lightning, she couldn't help but feel at least a little better about the entire thing. Making her question how it worked, but that was outweighed by the happiness to know how it actually worked.

"Feeling better?" Vanille asked, hoping that the woman was, or at least enough to where they could get out from under the desk.

"A lot better." Came the response, just as fragile as the voice had been that posed it.

' _ **You would have also felt better if you just listened to me.'**_


	27. Chapter 27

 

Chapter 27:

Walking into the room, Yuna quickly started to look around wondering where either of the two patients vanished. Quickly walking over to the phone so she could punch in the code for a lock down when she noticed a hand coming up from behind her desk.

Quickly walking around the desk, Yuna felt a frown take over her face as she could see the duo carefully nestled together under the desk. She was about to snap lightly at Vanille about how trying to get Lightning out didn't mean to crawl under joining her.

That was until she noticed Lightning having calmed down enough to not be clutching onto the side of her head. She no longer had the panic stricken look on her face. If anything she seemed like she had a load off her mind.

Glancing down to the floor, Yuna could see some faint strands of pink locks, making her just frown a little. She knew it could have only come from the one person and it would have been from herself given how she didn't discriminate when she was in that terrified of a state. Everything but her was an acceptable target from what she had seen. But at the very least for now she had to just accept that right now, everything was going to be at least somewhat passable.

"Can you both please get out from under my desk? I don't want to have to call an orderly in here, but I will if you both are under there." Yuna said knowing that she could at least be a little firmer with Lightning when she isn't in as panicked.

Smiling as she took a step back she could see Vanille sliding out from under the desk and nearly snapping up until she was at her full height, a smile on her face as she started to walk towards the small seating area.

As Yuna looked at Lightning she at least enjoyed the sight of her starting to come out from under the desk slowly, being careful as to take in the entire setting, as though she was still worried about something. A fact that even with Yuna knowing there was nothing that she could do to not help Lightning from this situation, besides she had to learn just to trust that Yuna wouldn't put her in a situation she didn't feel that she couldn't handle.

Standing up, Lightning quickly turned around to look at the room and was almost happy with how it seemed to just be her, Yuna and Vanille. Something that just made her relax further seemingly two fold.

"Are you feeling better Lightning?" Yuna asked as she stepped in front of the woman's line of sight. Just knowing that she should be able to decipher any sort of unease in her. If just because she wanted to help the woman further. There had to be something to make her feel a lot easier besides Vanille when Kramer was around. Just because she knew that there was no way she could make sure he didn't try and help out.

"As much as I can be as of late." Lightning stated as she started to wrap her arms around herself as she tried to wonder where all these annoying feelings like terror are steaming from. Or at the very least where these phantoms seemingly tormenting her were coming from. If she knew that than she could do something about them.

"Rosa and Sazh are just outside the door if you want to go to her. If you want to stay here, Vanille is going to explain why she was kicked out to Rosa and we can talk. It is entirely up to you." Yuna said praying that Lightning would choose her because she didn't want to imagine her finding out about Kramer through Rosa. At least if she figured out about him through her, she would feel fine knowing what she'd get into if Lightning were to lash out.

However Yuna also knew Lightning's typical reaction when it came to people like Vanille and she knew that when it came to between her and Rosa, she would probably be far more lenient with Vanille than Rosa. Which would just make her pray that Lightning wouldn't lash out the way she probably would feel needed.

It just forced Yuna into a situation she knew was going to be a no win situation, and she just hoped that there was a small glimmer of it coming out as a win. Even if it is just Lightning going back into a ball as she tried to figure everything out. Just because she knows that they could possibly help her in that circumstance. They couldn't help her if she decided to start swinging at staff because she would probably be put into solitary.

A fact that she knows would destroy the visit that Lightning was probably looking forward to in a few days.

"I need an answer Lightning." Yuna said knowing that she shouldn't be rushing Lightning's choice in case she made the wrong choice and felt like she was being backed into a corner, hence the offer. She just also knows that there is a schedule that Rosa had to keep given how she was meant to talk with Palom and Porom.

' _ **Come on Light. Pick her. Our broken mind may still be playing tricks with us if we open that door. We need to protect ourselves first.'**_

' _But if Vanille goes to Rosa she may lose everything with her visits being stripped.'_

' _ **Who cares? She isn't us. We need to take priority. Serah will forgive us if we do something like this.'**_

Knowing what she had to choose, Lightning took a deep breath and smiled knowing that this was probably the best way that she could repay Vanille for helping her out. Something that she needed to repay. If just because of what was going through her mind.

"I'll go with Rosa..."

' _ **WHAT! LIGHT DON'T!'**_

"Okay, just go outside then." Yuna said with a small smile, knowing that there was no changing Lightning's mind. But the least she could do is let Lightning make the final steps into cementing her choice.

' _ **Light, this is a test. Just say you change your mind. Send the she demon out instead. You need to take this opportunity. We need to stay here as long as possible. Once I figure out which part of our brain is being crazy we are going to kill it. Which will be harder given our current situation, but not impossible.'**_

Taking a deep breath, Lightning spoke up once again. "Can you just open the door... I want to..." Lightning started hoping that either of the duo would understand the rest. Preferably Yuna given how she seemed to figure out so much about her past that it would make her feel better that she understood that much.

"Okay." Yuna said as she walked towards the door and quickly swung the door revealing the near empty hallway. Something that Lightning took a few deep breaths about. At least her mind wasn't that cruel it seemed. It gave her a clear line of sight of everyone there.

It was just like Yuna had promised her. All that was in the hallway was Rosa and Sazh. Which meant that as far as she was aware, everything about what had triggered the panic attack was missing. Which meant that she was probably just being crazy.

Something that seemed to make sense given where she was, but she just hoped that it wasn't going to become a staple occurrence. She just wanted to get better, but if that meant she'd need to put up with hell of seeing her past more and more, she would rather be broken. She would rather be the basement dweller that was only paraded when her family needed a simple pity party.

Taking the chance before her mind cracked further, Lightning quickly walked around the desk and nearly sprinted out of the room. Dodging anything that was in her path with the skill that she had acquired through some manner that she had no idea, but she was quick to fall into step, glad that she could at least find protection with the two people.

They had proven just like Yuna that they hadn't meant her harm. Or at least meant her harm intentionally. She still had no idea one hundred percent about her first night, but some of the looks she had gotten from the orderlies that she could see large bruises. And the story of just an incident was seeming harder and harder to believe given how she could hear some things in passing.

Each step she started to get the same uneasy feeling that she never knew really where it came from. But she supposed in the wake of anything from her past, just getting an uneasy feeling was a light trade off. One that if she was being honest was one that she was perfectly fine making.

As they got into the elevator, Lightning started to take some deep breaths, a smile starting to creep its way up on her face as she could feel the elevator moving. It meant that there was near enough no way that her mind could screw with her mind.

"I'm sorry about needing you to come down for me." Lightning said, not even knowing why she felt the need to apologise, but here she was. Apologising for something that she doubted that they would actually be mad about. She couldn't control what her mind was screwing with her about. But for some reason she felt compelled to just say those simple words.

"Don't apologise for something like this Lightning." Rosa said as Lightning felt an eyebrow raise at that statement before she forced it down as to not raise more questions. "Save apologises for if you did something wrong. This isn't a case of you doing something wrong. This is merely a bump in the road towards you getting better." Rosa continued as the doors opened and Lightning smiled at that explanation. It meant that she wasn't mad about that.

As they took a step out, Rosa spoke up once again. "Sazh, can you go make sure group will have no one else being asked to leave?" Seeing the man tense up a little, Rosa just smiled at him. "Relax Sazh. I think Lightning will be alright. Right?" Rosa asked as she looked towards the pink haired teen who just tensed up for a brief second at that statement. It was almost as if she wasn't going to be, but she knew that was just her being beyond crazy.

"Yeah... I think I should be." Lightning said knowing that if anything did happen like their last time talking during the day, she figured that Rosa would be able to handle her. But she supposed with all the safety factors that had been placed to prevent her from having some negative side effects of a drug she was on for her being insane, or from her having low blood sugar.

"Okay." Sazh said as he reached up and pressed another button causing Rosa to just smile at the comment. And gestured Lightning to follow her. Each step just seemed to make Lightning realise exactly how crazy she had been. But that didn't really matter really to her.

' _ **Light. Stop ignoring me and being contradictory. I just want us to be safe. Something we can't be if you don't listen to me.'**_

' _Just shut up. All you ever seem to do is tease me when I want to get better and only don't continue the mockery is when we happen to have viewpoints that are similar.'_ Lightning snapped mentally as she walked into the bright room. Glad that she could seem to snap at the man and not be a terrified child when it came to the voice.

' _ **This attitude is going to harm us and you know it. I've only ever had our best interest at heart.'**_

Shaking her head, Lightning took a seat as she could see Rosa quickly walking behind her desk to collect some things that Lightning didn't really care about. It was just because she knew that this was her getting her notes on her, and possibly anything that she could think of to keep her busy for whatever reason.

As Rosa was about to move her chair into the front of her desk, she stopped and took a few seconds as though she was debating if it was going to be worth it really. Forgoing whatever thought was in her head, Rosa started to move the chair and smiled at Lightning.

"So difficult puzzles don't really faze you, but let's see if something more creative is." Rosa stated once the chair was still and walked towards one of the shelves and grabbed a book off of it grabbing a bunch of papers before she walked towards Lightning and handed the items towards her. "Specifically origami."

' _ **Can you make a shiv? And you know, end your miserable life if this is how you are going to be with me?'**_

The voice stated as Lightning started bite her lip as she started to flick through the pages slightly more aggressive than she might have intended but from the way she could see Rosa leaning forward in her seat to look at Lightning's face.

"So, what is with the aggression?" Rosa asked as Lightning seemingly settled on one of the pages that Rosa figured was from her asking about her and something that was enough to snap her out of it.

"Just... the voice is wanting me to stab myself." Lightning said as she picked up one of the square sheets of paper and started to make some of the folds when she realised she might have said something she shouldn't have. "Just because I won't do what it wants." Lightning added hoping that was enough to turn off suspicion that she was in some danger.

"Are these types of comments common?" Rosa asked leaning back in her chair as Lightning stopped the folding of the paper, as though she was taking some deep thoughts about something that she just figured was her debating if she should say the truth or lie.

"It isn't entirely common. Typically I'm the one to go to the violence towards myself just to get it to shut up. Something that I haven't done since I met Yuna really. Just because anytime I tried someone has stopped me." Lightning stated as she started to make some extra folds before she spoke up once again, "Typically it isn't stabbing though. Last time it wanted me to hurt myself it was breaking my arm... and last time I injured myself was dislocating my arm." Lightning said as she quickly finished the last few folds and dropped the crane onto the table before picking up another sheet of paper to start making another one.

' _ **I didn't tell you to break your arm. I simply said you should have broken your arm to avoid talking. There is a huge difference.'**_

Taking another deep breath, Lightning started to let her fingers work as she looked up to see Rosa writing something down, just making her more curious about what it was that she was doing. Something that she figured was writing down in her notes Lightning's penchant for hurting herself to protect everyone.

It was a simple exercise really for Lightning just because she knew that if she wanted to hurt herself, nothing was going to stop her from hurting herself. Figuring that she knew what Rosa was writing, Lightning just knew she had to cut it off at the pass and spoke up. "It isn't a depression thing. It is a lot easier if I hurt myself instead of hurting people." Lightning said clarifying her stance. Just knowing that she might now not be able to stop anything extra.

"Well I hope you realise that you wouldn't need to do that here. The orderlies are often fine taking the occasional hit and are aware that it is part of the job description, and the doctors are in a similar boat." Rosa stated as Lightning shrugged her shoulders and dropped the second crane down onto the table with one hand, and with the other she started to flick through the pages just so she wouldn't get bored of that one item.

' _ **And yet you still would rather hurt yourself. You can fool them all you want. But you can't fool me.'**_

Lightning just rolled her eyes as she found one that she knew that she could at the very least do multiples of and started to decided to settle on it. "It is fine. From what I've seen breaking bones would be hard without someone stopping me. And dislocating is an easy fix." Lightning stated just looking up at Rosa.

"Again Lightning. The staff expect to be hurt. It is something that is mentioned in every interview. It is something that we would be kidding ourselves if we thought it would never happen." Rosa continued as she closed her notes seemingly and rested the notepad between her leg and the chair. A fact that Lightning just knew was going to be her trying to express her concern towards it. "And I'm sure anyone in your friend circle would be fine as well if it is clear that you don't do it intentionally or make it a habit." Rosa stated as Lightning just shrugged her shoulders again.

To Lightning it didn't really make sense to her. If she could stop it by any means, than it would be fine really. If she could mitigate any damage towards anyone at the cost of her own well being than it would be just fine.

"So what do you want to talk about Lightning? We have about half an hour before our time is up?" Rosa asked hoping that Lightning would state something about Kramer. Just so she didn't need to be the one to bring it up, just because she knew once Lightning brought it up then she would at least feel like she was the one in control about it.

"Nothing really... I'm a little miffed about the punishment but I know I got off easy about it. So I'll get over it really. Just means I could write into my journal or possibly read... the library here has a nice selection." Lightning said as she started to bend some of the parts she had been making so she could build the cube.

' _ **Yeah, and our mind is fucking breaking and we are seeing the fucking dead!'**_


	28. Chapter 28

 

Chapter 28:

"This is stupid!" Vanille yelled as she crossed her arms a little miffed that she had been the one to be punished for doing what she had been told. What made her even madder was the fact that she had done the exact thing that had been asked of her.

"Vanille, you could have shoved almost everyone in group's progress back. Be glad I'm not going to take your visits. Just accept that you are on a fine line right now, and that you are not to return to group for the remainder of the week." Yuna said rubbing her eyes as she contemplated how this day could get any worse. But at the very least at least it seemed like she was over the proverbial hump that was the day.

"But I did exactly what was asked and followed the rules. There is nothing in the rules against standing up for another patient provided I don't get into a fight. And Hope is too timid to ever fight." Vanille stated as she could see Yuna seemed like she was starting to get onto her end's wit. But as far as Vanille was concerned it really wasn't being fair.

"Vanille. Your right there isn't. But there is multiple about setting people's progress back. So if you want to go down that road I can pull the trigger on your deal with Rosa. So I repeat, be glad that I'm only going to take your time in the recreation room. Because it can be so much worse." Yuna stated as she could see Vanille starting to cross her arms in protest. Something that Yuna was suddenly thankful for.

The fact that Vanille knew that this was the point that she should have pulled the plug on her quest to maintain everything. Something that if Yuna was being honest, it was the best thing she could do with the given situation. She didn't want to practically give the suicidal and very creative person a reason and means to kill herself.

"Can I go?" Vanille asked after a few seconds of the silence setting in. The type of silence that typically she loathed to be surrounded by, but she knew that there was no winning this fight.

"If you want. I suggest apologising to Minwu, and everyone that was in group. I will give the length of your restriction from the recreation time to him to decide. So if you want a shorter one, give him a genuine apology. He can't give you one more than a month. So that is up to you." Yuna said trying to at least give Vanille the clear route out that she could take if she wanted to take it.

A route that if history was to be believed that Vanille would be inclined to take. Which would be a load off of Yuna's mind. As Vanille stood up, Yuna took a deep breath as she stood up as well and gestured towards the door.

At that single gesture, Vanille stormed practically through the door causing Yuna to just groan a little more. Grabbing the keys from her desk, Yuna could feel her stomach rumble as she just frowned at the fact that she knew she would need to quickly eat whatever she got just so she would be back in her room in time for her afternoon meetings.

Locking her door, she just knew that it would be worth it if she could help someone as fragile as Lightning. A woman who at the mere sight of a single man was enough to break her down and tug out strands of her hair.

Or at least that was the reason she hoped for the pink hair strands on the floor underneath her desk. It would make it a lot easier on her emotionally. Not to mention she might be able to finally get through with Vanille. A feat that alone would be more than enough to forgo a single lunch.

Opening the door to the stairs, Yuna started to descend them as she pulled out her phone just to send Minwu the cliff notes of what was discussed with Vanille, and the power he figuratively had over the punishment and how Kramer was meant to be a semi-permanent orderly for the group for the foreseeable future.

Locking her phone, Yuna smiled as she opened the door and walked towards the cafeteria. Stopping for a minute as she was able to recognised the hallway that only a few hours prior really that Kain was taken down stealthily by Lightning.

The small dent in the plasterboard, was enough to make her question with the force Lightning must have been slammed into the wall. Lightly tapping the wall Yuna frowned at the solid sound behind her knuckles telling her exactly what she feared was the reason behind the lack of damage. _'Lightning really is a tough woman... I doubt an orderly would be able to take a hit like that and still walk around just fine. Let alone take that hit, and then fall of the counters onto her back and yet a single man's presence was enough to turn her into a terrified child._ '

Shaking the thoughts from her head, Yuna shoved through the doors and quickly walked up to the counter, just so she could get something quick. She was aware of how Tidus would take her needing to scarf down food. Walking up to the counter, Yuna lightly tapped the top of it and smiled as she could see the blonde haired man walking towards her.

"Kain, I need something quick to eat... I had to deal with two people that ate into my hour lunch time." Yuna said quickly as Kain just smiled a little and bent back a little.

"Pancakes good enough? Because we have enough for like two left... that pink haired girl can eat." Kain said as Yuna just smiled at him.

"That will be fine if I can get it quickly. I have about ten minutes before I need to be back in my office."

"Coming up then."

* * *

"So Light, we have a few minutes left. And I suppose I've been skirting around the issue. But do you want to talk about Kramer? This is the second time you've seen him supposedly and both of those times you've become a terrified child." Rosa said slipping the clipboard between her leg and the chair as Lightning looked up from the octahedron she had just finished constructing. The way her eyebrows have knitted together, was enough fro Rosa to understand the meaning behind them. "Never mind then. If yo-"

"No... I'd like to say I know who you are talking about. I just don't remember ever meeting anyone here by that name." Lightning spoke as she gave the item one last glance over before she dropped it onto the table, already mad that it had taken her longer to get used to the strange combinations it took for the shape to take form. "And even if I did... don't we only have like two minutes before I'm meant to go and have lunch. Which reminds me, isn't all this blood taking from me to test bad?"

Smiling a little at the concern for her own self seeming almost at odds with some of what she had talked to Rosa about in the last forty eight hours. At least she had a case of being concerned for herself at least. Even if it was a small amount. It was still more than enough for Rosa to feel at ease. "The amount we take for each test is tiny. A couple of drops really is all we take. Something your body reproduces in excess quantities every hour." Rosa spoke her defence as Lightning nodded her head. Glad that at least that she had that going for her.

"Well, if that is all. I suppose we can cut our meeting short. It is either burrito day or pizza day. Which means the lines will be pretty long either way." Rosa spoke as Lightning bit her lip a little.

Just the thought of needing to be around people like that was enough to make her want to pull her hair out all over again. Not to mention it meant that people would be somehow more annoying to her. Specifically how they would constantly want to see what she'd do. As though she was some entertainment thing all over again.

Sensing the trepidation from the teen sitting across from her, Rosa spoke up hoping that she could at least dispel some of the feeling "Don't worry, if you go down, you'll probably be the first in line. If not you'd be close enough to it."

Feeling a little glad at the expression on Lightning's face as she stood up, Rosa was quick to follow as Lightning lead the way towards the door. Rosa couldn't help but wonder what it was that was going through this woman's head. Knowing that it was probably one of countless things that was from her past that probably kept her up at points.

' _ **So... if it is burrito day, what are the odds we can get an everything burrito? I mean... I'm sure they could spare the extra tortillas that would be needed for that. If it is pizza... I swear if it is some stupid gluten free pizza and there must be at least one meat topping. Otherwise I will rebel.'**_

Taking a few steps out of the room, Lightning rolled her eyes as she glanced towards the ground. Already knowing that the rebelling the voice was talking about was either going to be silence or constant pointless questions.

"Whatever." Lightning muttered, just really wanting this day to be done. She wasn't liking how she had supposedly met someone twice and hadn't been able to connect a name to a face, but also seeing a ghost from her past. It was getting closer and closer to Lightning just really wanting to go back into her room and sleep.

As she stopped at the elevator, Lightning just took another deep breath as she realised that it would ultimately lead to her running into people earlier than she would have preferred. Quickly shaking her head once again, she made the short walk towards the stairs door and opened it. Just going to be glad if she could be one of the first people in so she could be one of the first to leave.

' _ **Oh come on Light. I know we bicker, but that is just part of what makes us my favourite couple. I bet I can change your expression.'**_

Groaning a little as she passed by some people who had seemingly given her a wide breadth as she rounded the base of the stairs and was quick to walk out of the door. "Good luck with that."

' _ **Okay... but you challenged me. I'm not responsible for what happens after.'**_

"Again whatever." Lightning said as she came to a stop behind the silver haired boy who was waiting by the closed doors.

' _ **You are now thinking of your parents having recreational sex in the kinky verity.'**_

"Not happening." Lightning muttered as she could almost feel her skin crawl a little at that singular thought.

' _ **Pfft no fun. I can't sing, I can't gross you out making you think of your Mother in chains as your Father is behind her with a cattle prod hitting her lady part. What is the point of me being up here?'**_

Shaking her head once again Lightning closed her eyes as she felt like this was a case of she shouldn't even give one of the annoyances of her life the time of day. Instead all she should do is hope that there would be something that she could eat. Because if she was being honest, she could feel her stomach starting to rumble a little from being hungry.

That was until she felt a light tap on her shoulder. Following the hand to see the Porom smiling up at her. "I passed Vanille on the way down. She wanted me to tell you to get a good table. I just hope she doesn't teach Palom anything dangerous in the library."

"I thought you two were practically joined at the hip." Lightning stated hoping that it was enough to not let the child get used to sneaking up on her. She didn't want to have her get into the habit and she just catches Lightning at the wrong time which would lead to Lightning snapping at her and possibly hurting her.

"I mean you have a sister. Are you attached at the hip to her?" Porom said with a smile as Lightning rolled her eyes. "What I thought. But tell me what you plan to get for burrito filling? don't tell me you are a vegetarian. I mean I've never really seen you eat any meat."

Shaking her head a little, Lightning turned towards the front of the line. "I'm not. I'm just unfortunate enough to be on a restricted diet right now. And practically force fed a lot of calories." Lightning stated as she could just imagine the look of contemplation on Porom's face as she was trying to figure out what was said.

"Well, I mean I hate to agree with Palom, but getting a lot of cookies is kind of a bonus. The constant stabbing with needles for blood isn't." Porom said with a slight shiver as Lightning took a deep breath and looked over at her.

She could see a slight change in the girl's demeanour as though she had just invoked some ancient being that was the route of some of her fears. Something that Lightning had no idea if it was even possible.

' _ **Oh God. I can freaking feel your heart scream out and help her. If you do I'll never speak to you again.'**_

"Are you alright?" Lightning said knowing that there was no real way for the voice to stay silent for more than a few hours from her memory of the situation.

"Yeah... just said something I regret. That is all." The girl said as she took some deep breaths. Something that Lightning could at least feel a little sorry for what was going on in the small girl's head. Something that she knew well enough how bad it can get.

' _ **It is like you do whatever the opposite of what I say. You will become sane.'**_

"That is terrifying of an idea." Lightning muttered as she could see the girl look up at her. As though she hadn't said it nearly as silently as she thought she did. "Don't worry about it." Lightning said trying to clarify that she wasn't going to be a danger for a while if ever really.

"Sorry... I just forget that you don't have the same issues I do." Porom started as she took a deep breath. "I suppose though from what you've said my minor phobia isn't that bad. But the doors are opened." Porom continued as Lightning just smiled and turned around and started towards the door.

She was a little glad that she wasn't going to be at least waiting long. Just because it would be a lot easier really because she'd be able to find some peace in the fact that it would be relatively silent the entire time until the crowds flooded in.

Walking in, she was a little glad that the silver haired boy seemed to have just let her go ahead but she didn't really care. As long as she was able to be by herself. The longer the better. She just hoped that she was able to relax to a comfortable degree until it was inevitably destroyed by Vanille.

Walking up to the counter Lightning smiled at the blonde haired man smiling at her. "Burritos are on the menu. What do you want keeping in mind we only let you have one of chicken, beef or pork for the meat section."

' _ **Go with Pork no chicken no pork. Chicken. Pocken. Chork...'**_

"There is a third option." Lightning muttered just under her breath as she was left contemplating the first step.

' _ **Pass.'**_

"Why not beef. And can I just have the works for the rest of the fillings?" Lightning asked hoping to expedite the process. Something that she was at least glad as the man gestured her down the path so she could wait for her food to be made.

' _ **But beef is boring. I mean everyone uses beef.'**_

"Didn't you say you'd never talk to me again?" Lightning muttered again as she could hear a smack as Porom was quick to join next to Lightning.

' _ **Didn't your dad say he loved you at one point? My point is people lie to you all the time.'**_

"I never said anything like that." Porom said feeling a little hurt as Lightning quickly looked at her.

' _ **Whoopsie... it is almost like someone sa**_ _ **w**_ _ **this coming.'**_

"Not you Porom." Lightning spoke as she accepted the plate that was offered to her with the wrapped food that if Lightning was being honest, it must have been the size of her forearm. Not even waiting for another sort of reaction from the girl as she walked out of the line and was quick to find a table. She was going to be content if Porom was just going to stay at arm's length from her, even if she knew the odds of that were next to impossible from the few times she had interacted with the person.

Taking a seat at the furthest possible seat from everyone once the room is filled to capacity. As she took the seat she frowned at the sight of the girl who seemed to have latched onto her which sort of made her actually think that the girl needed someone next to her.

As she took a seat across from Lightning she gasped a little at the size difference in what was present. Sensing the question coming up, Lightning just smiled at her. "I asked for a bit of everything so it would be less I need to go up and get more. But where is Hope I think his name is."

Taking a small bite from the contained meal, Porom took a large gulp from the mouthful as though she was trying to be polite. "He is being rude. And Vanille told me he was being a bit antagonistic during group. I swear boys become pig headed like that."

Before Lightning could respond she could see the red head walking into the room holding a plate with a frown on her face as though she had been denied something, that is until she saw Lightning and almost perked up and entered into a small skip towards them making Lightning just groan a little internally.

' _ **Guess we can't catch a break. I mean if you were a badass like we used to be and didn't care about fighting the man or what what's her face thought of us... you know the one we'd get a trip to the padded rooms and then we'd be alone. Again anyways.'**_


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29:

"Why are you being held up in the library?" Lightning heard asked causing her to look up from the book she had been reading about a Count who sought revenge on those that helped him get thrown into prison. A sentiment that Lightning often felt a small sense of kinship with. No matter how she looked at it.

Her life had always seemed to be about going from one prison to another with brief segments that she could take a look at the sky and breath fresh air. Something that she felt like she was lacking at that minute, but she knew that it would be just worth it for the simple fact that she'd actually be able to eventually get out of this prison and once that happened, provided she wasn't married off right away, she'd be able to enjoy some freedom.

"Seriously... and why are you reading a book in French?" The red head whispered as Lightning just felt a small groan develop and want the same freedom she was lacking.

"Because after my small excursion after hours a few days ago, I lost most of my rec time. And as for why I'm reading a French book. It originally was in French and if you got one of the translated ones, it just loses something." Lightning stated calmly as she turned back to the book and turned one of the pages. A little glad that they had at least one of her favourite books.

"What's it about?"

"Vanille, are you seriously going to play twenty questions?" Lightning asked, not sure if her distaste for the rapid fire questions was coming through or if it was being muted for some reason or another. Not that Lightning really minded.

"Just answer that and since when can you read French?" Vanille said with a small smile as Lightning rolled her eyes at the near earnestness that she had in the questions.

"I don't know how I know how to read French. It is one of the many joys of having next to no grasp on things in your past. And if you want to know what it is about, I saw an English copy with this one." Lightning said as she turned back towards the book and just wanted this conversation to be over.

Smirking a little, Vanille leaned across the table and rested her head against the book obstructing Lightning's view. "Can't read. I'm an orphan from a tiny village in the back end of nowhere of Gran Pulse. It is a miracle I can write my name. Typically when I come in here, I just like to look at the pretty pictures. Or Porom tries to teach me and if you ask me, she isn't very good at it." Vanille said as Lightning rolled her eyes lightly as she looked up as so her slight anger at the fact wasn't made obvious. "And I always forget you have amnesia."

"It isn't amnesia. Or at least that is what everyone is assuming. Myself included. Just a lot of my past is repressed." Lightning said as she could see Vanille nod her head the best she could given the way she had been laying across the table. "So can I get back to reading? This is one of my favourites."

"But what is it about?" Vanille asked in a near whine this time slightly louder then what was allowed in a library. Something that was made apparent by the loud shushing sound that carried over the room.

Groaning a soft one this time as she glanced into Vanille's eyes. "It is about a fisherman who while at the prime of his life and everything is looking up he gets thrown in prison because who he thought was his friends betrayed him so he then plans to take revenge and eventually enacts it." Lightning said as she groaned a little at the sight of Vanille's features shift from a happy one to one of sheer disgust that Lightning just knew vaguely where it was coming from.

"Why is that one of your favourites? That sounds so sad. Not to mention that is what is wrong with Cocoon."

Smiling a little as she moved Vanille's head up so she could close the book and rested it on the table knowing that she wasn't going to be able to really enjoy the book. "It isn't set on Cocoon or Pulse. It is in a fictitious world. And it is a favourite because I feel for the main character. He was a genuine soul like yours but his friends betrayed him, effectively drove his father to die alone committing suicide, stole away with the woman who is meant to be his wife, and caused him to suffer for fourteen years in cruelty. And he does eventually forgive all of them." Lightning explained as Vanille at least picked up at that clarification.

"Sounds like a good book. Just a pity I can't read. Does it have any pictures?" Vanille asked as she started to reach for the copy Lightning had been reading before Lightning was quick to take it back into her own.

"I thought Gran Pulse had schools, and it doesn't have any." Lightning stated as Vanille just rolled her eyes making sure Lightning could see it.

"It does... if by schools you mean religious ones. And even then that is for the wealthy. I'm an orphan. I don't exactly have a vast fortune at my disposal." Vanille stated as Lightning just took a deep breath and stood up.

Feeling down a little at the departure of her friend, Vanille started to sit up when she could see Lightning walking back with a similar looking book. "Come on, let me check this out and I'll read it to you. That way we both win. I get to read my favourite book and you get to experience it." Lightning said as Vanille nearly jumped for joy as she jumped off the table and started to fall into step next to Lightning.

' _ **This is so stupid. Why are we helping the dummy experience this great story?'**_

' _Because it shuts you up for an extended period of time. Which is always a win to me.'_ Lightning thought as she walked up to the desk and placed the book down, just smiling a little at the fact that she knew that this was by far the easiest way she could do this.

"What is your room number?" Came the slightly unamused voice that Lightning was at least a little joyful for. It always meant that she could sort through this whole thing.

"Four thirteen." Lightning stated as the man behind the desk quickly typed some information into the computer that Lightning at least smiled at.

"Okay. The book has been connected to your profile. Any damage is going to come out of your outside sponsor, or your family." The man continued as he quickly opened up the book to the cover page and quickly slapped the stamp down onto the small card. "Bring it back by the date."

' _ **Jeez. This man needs to calm down. They are just books. Maybe we should make him something in paper-mâché with our new materials. I mean it is the good wholesome thing to do after all.'**_

Shivering a little at the thought of damaging such a book. Knowing that the best thing she could do was just ignore those thoughts as she turned around and walked towards Vanille who had a smile on her face as she she waited patiently for Lightning to come back.

' _ **Okay, all you have to do is run right now. Just ditch her. Then you can get the privacy you wanted, you know I enjoy the story so I won't interrupt... everyone wins but the dummy.'**_

Smirking a little, Lightning walked towards the red head and smiled. "Come on... I'm sure we can head to a room to read because I want to save my rec time for after dinner." Lightning said calmly as she took some joy in the groaning that came from the inside of her head. At least this was a chance she had that would give her some more amusement as well.

"Cool. Let's do it in your room though. I have... let's say experiments going on. Which is totally fine and abiding by the rules. And I just don't want no one to see it before it works." Vanille said as they walked out of the room earning Lightning's curiosity. She wasn't sure if her face betrayed her but something must have clued Vanille in. "I'm trying to make rock candies... you have no idea how hard it was to get brown sugar in after the crackdown on sugar. Partly thanks to Palom. But I heard from Porom that it could take weeks to months to get an effective result." Vanille stated with confidence that it would work as Lightning just smiled at her.

"It should theoretically work. You just need to give it time and not disrupt the solution. But it won't be very flavourful if it is just sugar." Lightning stated as Vanille smiled at the confirmation of her work wasn't futile. She'd be fine working out the flavour aspect once she had a proof of concept.

' _ **God Light. Remind me why I haven't pushed us to kill ourselves yet?'**_

"Because we value life." Lightning muttered as she looked at Vanille who seemed to have a look like she understood what was said wasn't directed at her and just Lightning talking to herself. "Anyways... my room. Just don't touch anything without asking first." Lightning said with a smile as Vanille nodded her head in acceptance with the terms.

* * *

"That is such a stupid reason." Vanille muttered as she continued to rest on her head on Lightning's lap. A little glad that the woman had been given the gift of a comfortable lap from some gracious god.

Not to mention how Lightning had seemingly taken to stroking her hair in a calming manner. And it had done just that. A manner that Lightning had no idea why her first instinct was to do that, but it just seemed to be her first reaction. But it seemed to calm her down from the small panic attack she might had been having. Or at least the small one.

"That just is the reason. I mean keep in mind this book is nearly two hundred years old. Back then that was a major thing for people. They worked solely hand to mouth and anything like sugar was an extreme luxury that only families like mine could afford for long periods of time." Lightning said trying once again to explain some of the reasoning of this near ancient text. Specifically the reason behind why they wouldn't just use near lethal amounts of sugar in anything.

"But then what would they use to sweeten things? Because carrots can only do so much... plus I saw them turn a person yellow." Vanille stated with a deep question that Lightning just smiled at.

As a smile drifted onto Lightning's face at the simple statement from Vanille, she couldn't help but enjoy the simple fact of Vanille being legitimately curious. "My favourite sweetener. Honey. Or at least that was a common one. But I'm sure people just accepted it." Lightning stated as Vanille smiled and rolled onto her back and stared up at Lightning's face.

"I forgot about honey... I'm not a fan. It is bee vomit." Vanille stated as she Lightning closed the book and tossed it lightly further down onto her bed. It was an amusing argument to her.

Shaking her head once again Lightning just took a deep breath and leaned back as so she wasn't getting lost in the emerald eyes once again. It actually made her feel a lot better. Almost like she could think about something that wasn't what her lips must have felt like.

"It is good. Mind you, I might just get sick of being nearly force feed a bottle of the stuff if my blood sugar drops to a low enough point."

The idea was enough for Vanille to just nod her head along. She could see why that would get annoying quickly. If anything she would rather not having any sort of sugar if she was forced to eat so much of it in such a short amount of time.

Taking a deep breath, Vanille just started to stretch in a long, exaggerated manner that Lightning couldn't help but just smile at. Lightning had to admit that she was even feeling a little stiff from the sitting around. But at the very least she could actually enjoy the position she had been in.

She wasn't sure why, but just the feeling of Vanille being on her lap felt good to her. Especially considering how she often would rather shun people who got that close, including Serah at points, but something just felt right to her.

' _ **Light I'm bored now. Can we just burn some of the building down? I mean it isn't like your family couldn't afford to repair the damages.'**_

"Shut up." Lightning hissed as she closed her eyes once again as Vanille seemed to have finally remembered that she was in fact in the room with a slightly crazy woman. One that she knew she shouldn't possibly even let herself get close on the off chance she misread the situation.

Vanille wanted to run a little, but at the same time she was curious as to if Lightning meant it towards herself or if Lightning meant her to stay silent when she hadn't even been speaking. The red headed Pulse teen just knew that it would be easier if they had met under a better circumstance, but she was confident that Lightning wasn't actually dangerous provided you didn't do anything to her.

' _ **Whoopsie... looks like you scared the poor dummy. Time to beat her ass so she doesn't tell anyone you are talking to yourself. You remember that rule don't you?'**_

"Light, relax. I'm sure whatever the voice is in your head said something possibly dangerous. And I know you might freak out further after I say this, but the voice in your head only has as much power you give it." Vanille said as she smiled a little at Lightning taking some deep breaths as though she was trying to shove the thoughts further from her mind than she might have before.

' _ **Light don't you dare try and shut me up. Because I will get even. You forget how much of your memory you don't have any recollection of, and I do.'**_

Knowing that it was futile really, Lightning just took some deep breaths and knew that the voice was right. It really did have a lot more control than Vanille might have given it credit at the very least she still remembered how to fake like she was mostly sane.

As she stared into Vanille's soft eyes, she couldn't help but feel the urge to die in her throat before she could sew the seeds. The lack of just being able to lie to the woman was enough to raise some questions to Light that she made a note of to address later.

"It isn't that simple Van." Lightning muttered as Vanille started to sit up fully and took a seat on Lightning's lap. Gently grabbing either side of Lightning's face so she couldn't shy away from looking Vanille right in the eye.

It seemed to have a different effect to Lightning though. With each second she spent in the somewhat compromising position she could feel her heart starting to raise into her throat and she couldn't hear anything extra as she glanced down and looked down a little at Vanille's lips.

' _ **If I didn't know better I think I just found our shape...'**_

Lightning could hear what she just assumed was a joke as she could see Vanille shining a smile at her. Somehow making the comments she could hear sound so distant to her. If she didn't know better she could have sworn that she had a slight longing to drift closer to Vanille's lips.

"You see, I might not be able to read books... but I can read people's eyes. All it takes I find sometimes is a grounding in reality. Which can be hard, and I'm aware of the irony of a depressed woman saying that... but it helps with a lot of things." Vanille said with a smile and a small chuckle in her voice as Lightning could feel her heart just seem to swell a little.

Before Lightning could really respond, she feel the small shakes start to take over her being a little that Lightning just knew at the very least meant that dinner was coming up soon, but for some reason it didn't really matter to her. If anything it seemed to loose it's magic.

As she was about to acknowledge it knowing what would happen, there came a knock on the door followed by it opening a little and the brunette haired boy stuck his head in. "Me and Porom got sent to get Light for dinner." Palom said as he almost got pulled back causing Lightning to raise an eyebrow as she heard the soft voice from the hallway carry into the room.

"Sorry Light. I'll try and remind Palom about manners while you get ready for dinner."

Lightning smiled as the door was quickly closed as she heard what she considered to one of the most beautiful sound. Only second to the sound of 'guilty' sung out at Dysley's trial. The sound of Vanille laughing a little.

"Welp, he is going to get scolded. But he means well." Vanille started as she turned back to facing Lightning. "But um... you should probably unwrap your arms from around me... going to make it hard for either of us get up from this position." Vanille stated as Lightning just forced her face to go back into the stoic mask.

"Not really." Lightning said as she quickly shifted her hands lower, just wondering when she had placed her hands there as she stood up to her full height, enjoying the sound of Vanille laughing at the ease that Lightning found in picking her up.

Walking a few steps Lightning gently lowered her down and smiled at how Vanille had frowned a little. "That was fun. You are super strong. I bet about as strong as Fang." Vanille sung out as she quickly walked to the door and flung it open. Just getting ready to feast once again as Lightning stopped for a second and took a deep breath.

' _ **Yup... finally found the answer. Mini you is going to freak when we tell her.'**_


	30. Chapter 30

 

Chapter 30:

Resting her head against the tiled wall, Lightning just took some deep breaths as she debated if she should fake some sort of injury just so she could get out of the meeting. Today was the day she was meant to meet with Serah and by extension her mother.

The thought of injuring herself, she knew that it would get her out of some scolding from Serah for already getting a punishment for something that she practically didn't have control over. But then she knew that if she did and got caught she'd be in for something far worse punishment wise.

' _ **Welp, looks like you are up shit creek without a paddle. Maybe if you weren't being such a bitch, I'd offer to think of a way out. You know given how I'm the smarter half of your brain. The rest is just you being a bitch.'**_

"Shut up." Lightning said as she felt the water pelt against the back of her head bringing just a strange amount of calmness to the near empty morning showers. Something about it just brought a certain amount of calmness to her simply talking to herself. Even if she knew that on the outside she was looking like a crazy woman who was just short a weapon from going on a killing spree.

Sighing once more, Lightning looked up and quickly flicked the nob turning the shower off as she just started slick her hair back in an attempt to see as it dried. Everything was going to be fine provided she was able to distract Serah from the trouble she had caused.

Turning around, Lightning unlocked the small door and started to pull it inwards when she nearly jumped at the sight of Porom sticking her head into the room and stopping as she covered her eyes. Just shaking her head a little, Lightning picked up the towel that she had hanging on a hook.

"Relax Porom. I'm just a naked woman. You'll eventually grow some parts like me and Vanille." Lightning said trying to coax the woman's reason for coming in because it was clear that she wasn't in to shower given the lack of towels or shower items.

"I know that. I'm just shocked to see someone so calm about being naked in a place like this... not to mention all the scars." Porom said as she stepped in and took some steps to the side as to prevent blocking the door. Just so people could come in if they needed to.

' _ **Oh my god, who cares. Just get her to slug you in the ribs. Provided some dead instinct doesn't take it as an attack and lash out and pop her. She could provide some future amusement.'**_

"Anyways Vanille is being watched closely because it is cinnamon pumpkin roll day and that is her favourite breakfast food and last time she broke into the kitchen because they cut her off. So I got sent to bring you down for breakfast." Porom said as Lightning shook her head.

In the week that she had known Vanille she could actually have bought that Vanille would do something like that to get her favourite of anything. But at the same time she knew that this was probably going to be her last meal before her sister killed her for some perceived slight against her.

"Relax. I don't even know where half the scars come from myself. And I'll be a few minutes. I still need to get clothes on." Lightning said as she as she grabbed the secondary towel and started to rub her head with a near painful amount of force just so her hair will get dry a lot quicker.

"Why did you even get a shower this early? I mean it's nice to get nice and clean... but breakfast is normally so messy." Porom asked as Lightning shook her head realising that she must have been told to come back with her.

"I don't have that problem. And my sister is coming here today... I need to at least look decent before she kills me because of how I got in trouble for breaking out of my room and going to the kitchen." Lightning stated as she took a few minutes to just think about how fun that was going to be to explain if Porom didn't get the joking tone in her voice.

' _ **Light, if you don't ask her to slug you in the diaphragm I swear I will sing Gasolina all day. I mean think about it. We get to stay in bed, reading. No one coming to bother us bar to bring us some food... that is the life.'**_

"I'm not doing that." Lightning muttered as she wrapped the towel around herself and looked towards Porom who had remained with her hands covering her eyes, but she just hoped that Porom understood that the comments weren't directed towards her. "Porom, I have a towel around me. I just need to go to my room to get some clothes." Lightning said as she bent down and quickly started to pick up her sleeping clothes.

Turning around, Porom started to cough a little as she spoke up "Okay... do you want me to look out for anyone passing by?"

"It's fine. I'm just naked." Lightning said as she walked past Porom and quickly out of the showers, laughing a little as she heard the rapid footfalls behind her as she knew was the preteen trying to cover for her.

"Is modesty something people lose when they get older or something?" Porom bit as Lightning just shook her head at the comment. She knew that the girl was just trying to protect Lightning but that she supposed was the one thing she never really worried about.

Taking a deep breath, Lightning looked to her side to see Porom quickly flicking her head any which way to look to see if there was prying eyes making Lightning just smile at her concern. It was something that Lightning had almost never seen before, and she doubted that she would ever again really.

"Porom, relax. It isn't a lack of modesty. It is just a lack of caring what other people think. I've just been through too much shit in my life that I do remember to just not care about what people see of me." Lightning stated hoping it would be at least partially educational so she wouldn't need to explain it again if Porom ever caught her in a situation like that again.

"It is stupid..."

"Your complaint is noted. Just wait out here, I'll be like two minutes." Lightning said as she quickly opened her door and walked into the room before closing it. For some reason she had to admit that it was funny to meet someone just as prudish as her sister when it came to Lightning just not caring about how she was dressed.

' _ **God Light. You're getting weak. It wasn't all that long ago, you would have thrown the first punch just so you would get out of talking to anyone if you didn't want to talk to them. And that included Serah. But instead here you are, just accepting things.'**_

"I want to actually talk to Serah though. She is the only reason I want to get better. That and so I don't have the urge to rip my eyes out hoping I would bleed to death in the aftermath." Lightning spoke as she quickly walked over to the set of clothes she had laid out before she left for the showers.

' _ **We'd only die if we went into shock. Just normal eye gouging won't kill. You should know that.'**_

Standing up a little as she raised an eyebrow. "How am I meant to know?"

' _ **Hmm? Oh slip of the tongue. You know Freudian slip. I say you should know but I really mean you view your mom as a rival for having sex with your dad and possibly hav**_ _ **ing**_ _ **penis envy.'**_

Deciding that was probably going to be the best place to just shut up and accept it was something that she wasn't meant to ever really know. Just because she knew that it would be best for what was left of her mind.

* * *

Shaking her hand a little, Lightning quickly raised the finger up to her mouth just to suck a little knowing that they blood would clot fairly fast regardless of what she did. The only way that it could get better was if she was able to avoid this part of every meal.

"How is it that you could seemingly eat a nation under the table and still your blood sugar is just above normal amounts?" Kain asked as Lightning rolled her eyes and pulled the finger out of her mouth with a pop.

"I don't know. Biology wasn't exactly my strong suit. I know enough to get by." Lightning stated as the blonde man just smiled a little at her. "Am I allowed to leave or not?" Lightning asked, just hoping that she wasn't going to get held here for an hour again like yesterday forced to suckle on a bottle of honey.

"Should be fine. If not you know where to find the food, and the orderlies know about your case of wildly fluctuating blood sugar." Kain stated as he disposed of the strip into the bin before placing the machine back in its case. "Now get going. I'll see you at lunch."

Not needing to be told twice, Lightning nearly ran out of the room. Nearly running into the head orderly who laughed a little as Lightning nearly falling over herself to try and stop in time. Catching the woman, Sazh just had no issue but to chuckle a little.

"Relax, Light. I'm actually looking for you. You have visitors. For future note, we shouldn't need to come and get you." Sazh stated as Lightning just took a deep breath and looked at the man and just smiled a little before she let her face fall into a stoic mask.

"I was getting my blood tested again. It only took four times to get it to an acceptable level." Lightning stated as Sazh just nodded knowing that it was probably one of the harder things for her to do. Especially with how the woman that had asked him looking a lot like a more feminine version of Lightning that he could just hazard a guess as to being Lightning's sister. It was almost as if both had been looking forward to this one thing.

Just shaking his head a little, Sazh spoke up again. "Get going then." Sazh stated as he barely had enough time to watch Lightning nearly sprint down the hall making him feel like he had to speak up. "No running!" Sazh yelled down as Lightning quickly ducked around a corner.

Lightning just smiled as she started to pick up to double speed as she pushed the door to the stairs open and quickly started to run up the stairs. Just glad that she could be out of that small hellhole and about to be with her sister.

' _ **Just trip down the stairs. It would prevent someone else from being punished, and it will get us out of dealing with Serah and your mother.'**_

Ignoring the comment because she knew where that would lead, Lightning just took a small bit of mirth as she opened the next door and nearly smiled at the sound of the visitor centre. Slowing down to a stroll as she walked up to the orderly man standing there who glanced at Lightning before he could speak up Lightning beat him to it. "I have some visitors." Lightning said as the man just shook his head as he walked over to the small black plastic box and swiped his card before opening the door.

Stepping into the room, Lightning smiled at the sight of her sister jumping up a little. Before Lightning had even managed to step fully into the room, Serah was already jumping up and wrapping Lightning in a tight hug. One that Lightning was more than happy to reciprocate.

The comfort Serah had brought in the situation in Lightning's mind was just what she needed really. She figured that there would be something to end it, but for the life of her she couldn't care about that. She just wanted to enjoy the contact with her sister.

It felt like what she was missing really in this entire thing. She just wanted to revel in the contact for a little while longer something that made her feel a little bit better as she felt Serah pull back a little but it seemed to just be so she could resituate her head and get comfortable once again.

"I missed you Claire." Serah said calmly and low as Lightning just smiled at her.

' _ **Yup... I feel like I'm going to vomit. Congratulations Light. I've been vomit free for years.'**_

For once in a while Lightning didn't really care about what the voice had told her. She just wanted to enjoy being with Serah. "I missed you too." Lightning muttered softly as she could feel Serah finally separating a little to stare up at her big sister.

"Come with me Claire." Serah said with a smile as she separated from the hug and grabbed onto Lightning's hand and started to lead her towards the table she had been sitting at with their mother. Lightning just accepted being dragged along. Just because she knew that her time with Serah was going to be finite until she got out of there.

As Lightning took a seat she was overjoyed to see the lack of her mother as Serah got comfortable across from her. A smile ever present on her face as Lightning just stared at her.

"Did you come here by yourself Serah?" Lightning asked hoping that her sister was going to be safe even if it meant that the annoyance that was Snow came down with her. As long as Serah was safe at this moment.

"No. Mom came down as well. But she apparently had some paperwork she had to sign for you and to sort of streamline my future visits. Snow came as well though but Mom wouldn't sign the stuff so he can get in as well because Dad is still mad at him for something stupid." Serah said as she smiled as she reached into the a plastic bag next to her and quickly pulled out a plate before resting it on the table between them. "But that doesn't matter, I made cookies and I know you can't bring the plate back at least... but I doubt you are full from breakfast. I mean they actually called to see how much you eat." Serah continued as Lightning smiled and started to rip the plastic off the plate with one hand as she turned towards Serah, a little glad that she had still seemed to care deeply about her still.

As Lightning grabbed one of the cookies she winced as Serah smacked her hand and glared at her. "But how could you break out Claire? Do you have any idea how worried I was when I heard that? You are something like thirty miles away from any one outside this place." Serah scolded as Lightning started to rub her hand a little, deeply surprised by the way it stung even though she wasn't hit that hard.

' _ **Oh snap. Lightning is busted and Serah has big cojones. Now just snap and punch that bitch in the face for hurting us... it is the least you can do.'**_

"It was either that or go into a coma Serah... and because they have a medical facility here you wouldn't get to see me again until I'd get out of the coma. Which is also why it took me so long to get up here today." Lightning said as she picked up the cookie she had almost gotten before Serah had stopped her. "I'm not allowed out of the cafeteria until my blood sugar is tested... apparently I burn through a stupid amount of calories that has the kitchen staff shocked... hell I had to eat honey straight for a couple of minutes." Lightning stated as she took a bite from the cookie before she realised one issue.

Serah had only baked twice before and both times it had turned to charcoal. This time however, they tasted delicious just making Lightning a little sceptical about the situation. "You didn't make these... but they taste delicious." Lightning said as she could see Serah frown a little.

"I had help. Cadbury helped me with the science and stupid aspect. Which reminds me the staff miss you as well... Dad is making them actually do the things you normally did when you got bored... or couldn't sleep. Or were punishing yourself." Serah stated as Lightning just smiled a little at her.

"Mostly the latter most option. But I'm just glad you are here Serah. I wouldn't care if you brought nothing but yourself." Lightning said calmly, but she knew that her mirth must have been obvious to anyone that really knew her. Or at least to Serah she hoped that her happiness was obvious.

' _ **Oh my god. Ask for a lobotomy. That might get me out of this. Something that for the record should totally be classified as kidnapping. I don't want to be here. I'm being forced against my will.'**_

"Shut up and give me this time." Lightning muttered as Serah smiled a little at her sister and lightly grabbing the older woman's hand and pulling it back towards her. Her fingers just carefully rubbing along the knuckles.

Serah could just feel that this was one of the times that she knew that she could possibly help her sister out. Or at the very least help her in this situation out. Even if it was a little bit. "Claire, just pay attention to me if the voice is getting too bad. I really just want to enjoy our time together because it maybe a month before we can see each other again."

' _ **Is it just me or does everything always need to be about her? I mean I feel like we are in an important point in our life... I mean we are in a fucking looney bin.'**_

"Okay Serah. I promise I'll try."

' _ **You know what? Screw you with your contradictory behaviour Light. While you are here just bite the table and let someone stomp on your head putting us out of our misery.'**_


	31. Chapter 31

 

Chapter 31:

Lightning smiled at the story her sister had been telling her. For once the place she was now, possibly permanently located just seemed to be so much better. At the very least it didn't seem nearly as daunting. She felt at least calm enough to where nothing really mattered to her.

If anything she felt like she could go another month or two in here knowing that her sister was at least mostly looked after. She only wished that Serah could visit more frequently, but she supposed she knew what would happen then. Namely Serah practically living there with her.

So Lightning at least knew that the once a month visits would be just fine. The only thing that really mattered to her really was the fact that she might be able to get out of this asylum in time for Serah's graduation. Something Lightning doubted would really happen given how thus far nothing had seemed to work, but she knew that she should give the staff longer than a week.

"So Light... I suppose that is enough about me... at least enough that wouldn't make you mad. Tell me about your friend." Serah asked calmly as she could see her sister pout a little. Something that Serah just knew was from the comment, but for the life of her, she didn't really care. Just as long as she knew someone was going to prevent her sister from doing something stupid that she would regret.

"She isn't a friend Serah. Or at least a friend like you want. She is just someone that I'm meant to tag along with because she reminds me a lot of you... and my first reaction isn't to get someone to bite down on a curb."

' _ **And you want to touch her butt and do other gross grown up things with her.'**_

Ignoring the slight jab, Lightning just smiled at her sister's expression of happiness. It was almost like she had received news that was what she wanted to hear.

' _ **Go on... tell her. Tell her. Tell her. Tell Serah you want to touch whats her face's butt. Go on. Tell her you want to touch someone's butt.'**_

"I don't want to touch anyone's butt." Lightning seethed as she could see a slight gleam in Serah's eye from that one slight slip up of forgetting what was being thought and what was said. Something that she was starting to loathe the fact that it was becoming a more and more common thing.

"What was that Claire? You want to touch someone's butt? Does my big sister have a crush? Tell me who is it? Is it a boy or a girl? You can't leave me in the dark Claire." Serah pleaded with Lightning as the woman just had to resist the urge to roll her eyes so hard that they would find her eyes miles away.

"I don't want to touch anyone's butt Serah."

' _ **Liar. Every time you lie Bhunivelze punches Etro.'**_

Taking a deep breath as she debated if she should continue the comment, but she knew that she had to given her sister' s penchant for demanding information and if she didn't then all bets were off as to what would happen. Even if she didn't want anything negative of the sort to come from her.

"It is just the voice trying to grate on my nerves because I won't play it's stupid games. I just keep mixing up what is said and what is thought of my rebuttals because people keep demanding I talk about that stupid shit." Lightning seethed as Serah just frowned a little at her sister.

Serah couldn't help but feel like she had been denied some sort of gossip that was like if she had been dying of thirst and her sister had just drained the last glass of water in the world to spite her. She wasn't sure where or how she would be able to get a second glass of water to just hold her over for another month.

Sensing her sister's anger towards that and the question that was to come, Lightning just knew she had to cut it off at the pass. And answer it early. "It likes to think I have a crush on Vanille. At the very least it stopped constantly drilling me about shapes and trying to get me to accept the term 'doggo' as a shape name." Lightning stated as she regretted the decision from the sight of Serah practically foaming at the mouth looking for more information.

It was almost like she was like a rabid dog looking for someone new to latch onto to spread the infection. A feat that Lightning didn't really care about but she knew that there was no way she could stop Serah from going to spread that information around to anyone that was inclined to listen.

And with who the information is about, she knew there would be people flocking for miles upon miles just to hear about it. With the curse that Lightning couldn't be there to do damage control like she had been in the past.

"Serah take some breaths. It isn't true." Lightning stated as she could see her sister biting her lower lip as she balled up her hands and started to flail her arms around out of excitement. A sign that Lightning knew there was no winning her sister back to the side of rational and logical thought. A side that Lightning knew the irony that she was on was enough to make her die if she gave it more than a few seconds thought.

"You're a le... a les... a lesbi... one of those people Claire?" Serah hissed in a near silent voice towards her sister knowing that if this got back to their father it would probably lead to a screaming match.

"No Serah. I'm not attracted to anyone. It is just the voice trying to make me go further crazy... possibly get me moved to a more secure facility. And it knows the easiest way is to get me to spread rumours about myself to you." Lightning said hoping it would be enough to get her sister off her case. Something that she knew that it would work at least a little this time. But she doubted that it would work again.

"If you say so Claire, for the record though, I'd be supportive of you. And I just know mom will too." Serah stated as Lightning rolled her eyes and picked up the last cookie and proceeded to shove it into her mouth in one. Just going to enjoy the fact that this would keep her going properly until maybe dinner.

That is if she didn't get forced to eat every meal. She would rather enjoy being in her room. At the very least she could enjoy getting out of the room and by extension away from people a whole lot sooner. She just hoped that her body wasn't going to burn through all the extra sugar she had consumed in a short span of time.

"Why did you have to eat all the cookies Claire? Like I'm glad they are gone... but I only got like two." Serah whined softly at the sight of the empty plate as she quickly turned to look at her sister. Her frown shifting into a small smile as she could see her sister at just chewing something before shrugging her shoulders.

"It prevents me from suckling a honey bottle at lunch. But the cookies were good either way. Thanks for bringing them." Lightning said as she swallowed the remnants of a cookie in her mouth.

Shrugging her own shoulders, Serah just continued to smile as she started to look around the room. "I wonder where Mom is... I had hoped that she would get to talk to you... she hasn't really said anything to anyone, but I know you being in here is just as hard for her as everyone." Serah said as Lightning had to resist the urge to scoff.

The idea that her mother could form any idea that was her own genuine thoughts was a near impossible thought. Or at the very least it would be an amusement to her as she tried to develop a vestigial organ from never thinking of anything on her own.

"Don't be like that Claire. You are still her daughter. And you and Mom both have the same nasty habit of never showing any emotion. But you both do have the same tells." Serah said as Lightning just rolled her eyes.

' _ **What is with your sister just not being able to accept that people like your mother are too weak willed to have any sort of opinion... you just never got and continue to never get the chance to voice yours. Huge difference that.'**_

Grumbling a little as she lowered her head onto her crossed arms on the table, Lightning just made up her mind that she was going to just roll with this at the moment because she knew that this time with Serah was going to be the best thing to happen to her really in this situation. A feat that no one was going to be able to corrupt or twist to fuel their own twisted desires.

* * *

Frowning a little as she looked over the long list of documents that she was meant to sign. It was still confusing her a little. Mostly in what sense could some of the things that they were planning was actually going to be helpful to her daughter.

It wasn't a case that she wanted to question it much further than she had to, but it was just going to be hard thing for her to just accept on blind faith. She had done that before in the past and it had taken her years to even get a hug once again from her daughter while she was conscious.

"I sense some apprehension. I want to assure you Mrs Farron, the first few are just simply due to an incident on her first night here. It was an allergic reaction that drug up some repressed memory and she couldn't distinguish friendly faces from enemy faces. I can arrange to have the footage given to you. Otherwise it will be wiped as is the law." Rosa stated as she stared into the woman's face hoping that she could have figured something out from their own interactions. But if she was being honest, she couldn't see much confidence in any of her actions.

If Rosa was being honest it looked like a mother that was terrified that she wasn't sure what was the right course of action. Something that Rosa could understand if what Lightning claimed was true. Walking around the desk, Rosa gently took a seat on the edge next to the woman.

"I get it. You are terrified that you don't know what is the right way to go with the treatment. But the Yveon institute has a near enough ninety nine percent success rate and with monthly checkups our patients can go the rest of their live in a perfect healthy manner." Rosa said hoping that she could comfort this woman at least enough to where she would have some confidence in what they were doing with her daughter. Once she had this woman's confidence she knew that she could get the rest once she tried. There was just this hurdle that she had to overcome.

"Can you answer me one question though? And please answer it truthfully." The matriarch Farron asked as she quickly signed the first few documents just so she could get those out of the way. They already didn't seem like something she would ever be interested in looking at. "Will I ever get the same daughter back that went to Bodhum all those years ago?"

Taking a deep breath Rosa stood up from where she had been just sitting on the edge of her table. "Truth be told. I doubt you will ever get that one back. Lightning... from the few times I've talked to her because Yuna and I can't share information freely between each other in the same way I can't share the information with you. But Lightning... she has seen death countless times, it is very likely she was raped multiple times, she was brutally tortured, and lived in squalor that the soldiers that rescued her claimed it wasn't fit for any life to be near."

Hearing that simple conformation, Mary could feel her heart sink. She had feared that one statement. She had feared anything of the sort, but this blonde woman just had to seemingly dig the hole deeper.

"Frankly Mary, it is a miracle you even got a human back. It is a separate miracle that she hasn't even made a single suicide attempt and instead is having auditory hallucinations." Rosa knew that she seemed to be digging the hole deeper but she knew of a way she could reassure this woman of so much. "But listen to me Mary, from what I've read, from what she has told me and from what Yuna has told me that she could... Lightning is a fighter. I know if I was to suffer in truth one percent of what Lightning has for one day we wouldn't be talking. I would have found a way to kill myself. And I can guarantee you almost anyone you ask, they would be in a similar boat."

Sniffling a little, Mary looked towards the papers when she felt her arm being nudged. Looking towards the item and could see some tissues. "Typically I'm not even allowed to, but I could give you a cliff notes version of what I've been given from the team that found her. It is information I've only been over once myself but I wouldn't suggest asking for those. They are so much worse than anything I could tell you. And Yuna hasn't even been told. Hence the second of the forms. It is a release so I can share the information with Yuna." Rosa stated as she could see the woman who had started to rub her tear stained face.

The offer was a tempting one. She'd be given information she had so desperately wanted. Information that might just explain why her own daughter would refuse to hug her. Why she would rather sleep in the basement of their home, far away from everyone with a single way in and out. She would have so many questions answered, but it was something that she never wanted to answer.

But the easiest question she could ask is one she knew that might have an answer that was at least maybe a good one given what she gleamed from the forms. Sensing the question Rosa just had to speak up about the final form that the woman was holding in her hands. "The last one isn't nearly as important. It is an optional therapy we do every year were we get some service animals in that are young and need to be exposed to some extreme cases as part... I feel like Lightning may benefit from it. As does Yuna hence why she asked me to get your input on it now." Rosa said hoping that it lightened the mood enough.

Quickly signing that form, Mary tossed it onto the table as she took some deep breaths and held onto the other forms. "Continue to be honest with me here... what are the odds you give Lightning?"

"Provided she does everything, and eventually opens up more... I'd say two years maximum in here and a minimum of one year. And then maybe five years of monthly visits with a couple hours talking to Yuna and myself to touch base, and after that I'd say a once a year of just a talk." Rosa stated to the worried mother.

Rosa smiled a little at the sight of almost the weight lifted off her shoulders as she took some deep breaths and rested the first form she had signed onto the table. The second form was one that she was still clutching onto. As though she wasn't sure if she wanted to ask the question that had been on her mind.

Speaking up once again, Rosa knew that she could make it easier for her. "If you don't ever want to see the records or more specifically the cliff notes, you won't ever have to. That is unless Lightning brings it up to you. In that case I suggest you listen because that is her trying her hardest to include you in her life. That is her nearly screaming that she wants to tell you." Rosa stated as she could see the woman take some deep breaths as though she was preparing herself for what was being told to her. "Until then, be in happy ignorance besides what we talked about."

Handing the final form over, Mary could feel a little tense as though she had just given the last part of control she had over her daughter. The last shred that was keeping her daughter with her. "Is that all?" the soft crack in her voice carried over as Rosa walked around the desk back to her chair collecting the forms and pulling them towards her.

"It is. I suggest going back down and talking to your daughter. I'll let the orderlies down there know that Lightning has a temporary exemption on the time limit if you would like. Otherwise, I suggest going into one of the guest bathrooms and splashing some water on your face. Lightning may not let it on, but even I can tell that Lightning might be hurt a little at seeing you like that. She needs you, your husband and youngest to be strong for her as well." Rosa stated as the mother across from her stood up and started to pluck a few tissues from the box and started to dry her eyes.

"Thank you, but I can't avail of that today. Maybe next time." Mary stated knowing that that was going to hurt just as much as if she was forced to sit across from Lightning for hours being unable to do anything. But maybe now she could at least knew a slight amount of what her daughter had gone through.

Not wanting to clarify her reasoning, the matriarch of the Farron name quickly stood up and was quick to leave the room the way she came. She just had the urge to hold her eldest as tight as she possibly could.

Going into the elevator, she pressed the only other button available and took some deep breaths. She knew that she wasn't going to be able to wash her face like she was suggested to do, but she was at least hopefully going to get the hug she so desperately sought after the news she had received.

Walking through the doors that were quickly pushed open, Mary smiled at the sight of her daughters just softly talking. Coming to a top behind Serah she smiled at the sight of Lightning seeing her and sitting up a little. "Hey Mom." Lightning stated as Mary felt her heart tighten all over again as she knew that she wanted to just take her daughter home with her, but knew that this was for the best.

"Can I have a hug Light?" she asked as Lightning took a deep breath. As if she was weighing the pros and cons.

' _ **Go on Light. Shut the moron up and give her a hug.'**_

Lightning heard as she just stood up, barely restraining herself as she felt the woman rush into her arms. As Lightning wrapped her arms to reciprocate the hug, she groaned internally at the feeling of something wet hitting her shoulder around the place where her Mom had rested her head.

' _ **God it is like she is crying... I swear she is nothing but a blubbering fool... don't you dare cry though Light. I'm going to go play some pool, and I swear if I come back and find you even misty eyed, I'm going to drive you up the wall while you are asleep.'**_


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32:

_Standing in the sand Lightning took a deep breath as she looked up into the sky. She knew that this was a dream. A dream that she knew there was no way for her to not run into the embodiment of the annoyance that drove her here. Or at least that was the case in recent days._

" _ **I fucking told you to not get emotional!"**_ _The voice yelled at Lightning as she had to resist the urge to glance down in the direction of where it came from. As she looked towards her she could see the smaller girl dressed in the black lace dress._ _ **"You aren't emotional. Emotions have only ever made people weak. You've been strong without them, now why were you crying when you were hugging your spineless mother!? And more than that you were practically balling when you saw your sister left! Where were they when we suffered? Where were their emotions? Why should we start being emotional now!?"**_

" _Why are you getting so worked up about it? I miss my sister. And while yes my mother is spineless... she at least cares enough to not rub it in that I'm here." Lightning stated as she glanced towards the sky again. "And besides you heard Serah. She is trying to get on some trip to Pulse to go help some chocobos during hatching season. With her gone, I won't see literally anyone from the outside world. It isn't like I'm letting people here see me get emotional. They still think I could kill them all except the staff who could already read into me."_

" _ **But now what? Now they have the cards. Now we can't make it seem like we don't need them and that this is going to make us seem weak to the likes of him."**_ _The voice scolded as Lightning shook her head and started to walk down a pathway that looked like she hadn't gone before. She just knew that it was going to be one of those conversations with herself._

" _ **Don't just walk away from me Light. Because you just know she is going to tell Father dearest. And once he knows, he will proceed to make our life in here a freaking misery."**_ _The voice stated as it quickly followed after Lightning. Something that Lightning just knew was going to cause her further annoyance._

" _He won't. It is too easy for it to be traced back to him. Worst he'll do is some mocking. Now can you get out of my dream? I get enough of you during the day." Lightning asked as she debated if she should just start sprinting or even forcing herself to wake up._

" _ **We both know that you are only hoping that he doesn't suddenly take an interest in you. So we can address this now and hope that we don't need to do what we plan or we can do what the irrational part of you wants to and just simple live in that maybe world."**_ _The voice yelled back as Lightning just had to stop and laugh a little._

" _And what is the voice in my head? Because that is far from rational." Lightning got out between small bouts of laughter. She knew that there had to be something that was at least rational about her._

" _ **All things considered. I'm the closest thing to rational we have. And yes while I've caused us a lot of trouble, I've gotten us out of literally every single situation when you listen to me. So can we talk?"**_

" _I don't want to right now. We aren't in trouble. When I feel like we are getting close to it, then we can talk about a fake problem." Lightning stated as she decided to just continue to walk. She could feel the urge to fall down seemingly increase, but she could ignore it. It was a strange feeling to her. This had been the first time in any of her dreams where she felt like she could actually stop her constant walking. She didn't want to imagine what would happen once she did, but she knew that she couldn't. It had just felt wrong to her._

" _ **Fine then. You should wake up anyways. Dawn should be soon and we know how you like to get in a quick workout."**_ _The voice spoke in what Lightning just knew was a tone that was meant to come off as a child being scolded by her parents but the parents knew that the child would come around after a few minutes._

" _Fine." Lightning stated as she took a deep breath and just closed her eye as she started to continue to walk._

* * *

Sitting upright in her bed, Lightning started to take some deep breaths as she started to look around. The few feint rays of light coming into the room from the window made Lightning just take a deep breath at the fact that at least the voice had been kind enough to tell her the truth.

Rubbing her eyes, Lightning tossed the blanket off of herself and started to climb out of the bed. Just glad that she could at least do something that made her feel a little normal. Cracking her joints, Lightning started to walk towards the small baskets and grabbed the book inside before walking over to the table so she could give it a read before she could write some of her own thoughts down.

Walking over towards the desk, Lightning nudged the chair from behind it and sat down in it, just pulling the chair closer with her feet as she started to pull the pages back, just wondering why this had become such a staple of a tradition in the matter of less than a week, but it had been a nice way she found to start the day.

Coming to the start of yesterday, Lightning smiled at the fact that even when after she talked with Serah she had seemed to be just as happy. It was something that was just reassuring to know that it will seemingly always be there.

Smiling a little Lightning bent forward to grab the pen that had been resting on the desk and started to crack her neck as she turned towards the sheets of blank paper. A little glad that she could get at least part of her daily plan done.

' _ **Come on instead of writing, w**_ _ **hy**_ _ **don't we go out? Or you know do some sit ups... I think you are getting a bit flabby around the midsection.'**_

"Just for that I shouldn't do it... but we both know I'd get stiff if I didn't. Which is probably what you planned." Lightning muttered as she quickly finished the small sentence explaining the dream before she tossed the pen down and walked back towards the notebook's home and slipped it in.

' _ **Little bit. But I mean, can you really blame me? We are a creature of habit just like everyone else. Just we are far crazier... and we have a medical reason to have ice cream for breakfast. Which I think we both can agree is pretty great.'**_

Shaking her head a little Lightning walked over towards her bed and started to have a seat on the ground and just nudging herself closer so she could hook her feet under the lip of her bed as to keep her feet firmly on the ground.

"The ice cream idea I agree is a pretty great one. But I wouldn't want to take it. That would just leave me hungry in an hour or two." Lightning said as she quickly laid down and slipped her hands behind her ears. Smiling a little, Lightning started to bend upwards just smiling at the feeling of the sleep starting to leave her.

' _ **Now I know this is a long shot... but do you think if you ask what's her face... the good doctor if we could have some weights, she'd give them to us? Or some sort of restraint so we could actually do some progress and burn off some energy instead of just relying on sheer numbers?'**_

"Even with what trust I have with Yuna... she won't get me something that could be used as a deadly weapon easily." Lightning stated as she laid back down before going back up. "Best we can do right now is wait to be allowed outside... then maybe we can do some sport... or we can just run out there." Lightning continued as she continued to do the same menial activity just so she didn't go further insane from the fact that her joints would be getting stiff from simply not being used to the same degree that she had been accustomed to.

Before the voice could really continue Lightning could hear a loud beep fill the room signifying the timed locks were being undone. It just brought her some joy at the fact that she could at least leave the room now and it would be just fine.

' _ **Anyways, here is my idea for our plan for today. Once you do a couple more dozen of these, go get a quick shower to wash the sweat off you, and then we go get breakfast and listen to whosits about what 'The Man' wants us to do.'**_

"Considering you are starting to sound like her you should probably learn Vanille's name." Lightning stated just enjoying the fact that she could knew that it would piss the voice off a little by simply comparing it to someone that isn't itself.

Hearing a small almost defensive gasp, Lightning just knew that this was going to be one of those moments were she had no choice but to enjoy the silence that would fill her head once it was done gasping acting hurt from what Lightning had said.

Before the voice could seemingly stack some claim, there was a knock on her door causing her to be a little curious. "Come in." Lightning said as she didn't stop what she was doing. Just wondering who it would be given how early it was. Most of the kitchen staff knew that she didn't really do large crowds and would prefer to be the last person there in the morning.

Craning her neck over a little, Lightning felt a small smile at the sight of the red headed girl skipping into her room and quickly closing the door just barely sliding down it. "Don't look at me. I made a major mistake and told Porom that I'd go to mass with her. I swear she seems to know exactly when to ask that stupid question." Vanille said a he started to slide slowly over to the section of wall just behind where the door opens.

"But chances are it is the exact same religion as you were brought up in. Just swap Lindzei with Pulse." Lightning aid as she just continued to do the same motions as she had been. Laughing a little at the sight of Vanille almost wanting to question it herself.

"One, Lindzei was nothing but a spoiled child. Two... church is so boring. That is where Pulse is the best god and wants you to learn from just experiencing his own creations. And finally Porom and Palom don't believe in Lindzei... their believers in Bhunivelze. And he is so much more boring. I mean it is always _we must repent. No joy shall be had in life_ and while I hate to break it to you, the idea of not having fun is not what I want to do on my weekend."

' _ **For once we can agree. That doesn't sound like fun. I bet that is the religion Dysley was... even if he didn't do much repenting.'**_

Shaking her head, Lightning rested on the ground for a few seconds. "Dysley was a follower of Orphan. He literally led the religion." Lightning muttered as she turned to face Vanille. "And I'll have you know I was raised as a follower of Lindzei... even though I've fallen out of that faith and it had nothing to do with the services." Lightning stated as she looked back towards the ceiling.

"And this is like the worst place you could be hiding from anyone. I'd be on the top of the list of people you are around." Lightning said as she started to bend upwards.

"How can you do that stuff this early? Especially when I'm panicking like this?" Vanille asked a little hurt that Lightning wasn't on bored with her hiding right now and was just starting to poke holes with what Vanille was doing.

Smiling a little Lightning just took a deep breath. "Because if I don't, my joints get stiff and I feel like I'm being confined with no way out. Something that will result in me breaking out. As for you panicking... I find exercise to be an easy way to calm down and help me think." Lightning stated as as she continued to bend her midsection.

Before Vanille could respond, there came a knock at the door causing Lightning to smile at the fact that she just knew that she was right. Resting with her knees pressed to her chest, Lightning spoke up. "Come in." Lightning said as she could see the door open a little and Vanille panicking a little as it came to a stop.

"Light, have you seen Vanille? She promised my sister that she would come to mass with us and Porom is busy checking the places where Vanille hid a couple of weeks ago." Palom said as Lightning just met the boy's gaze as she could see out of the corner of her eye of Vanille just quickly shaking her head.

Cracking her back a little, Lightning slipped her feet free from under her bed as she started to stand up. "No, I've just been in here doing my morning workouts. Have you guys checked the cafeteria?" Lightning asked as she could see the boy chew his lip a little as he started to walk out a little.

"Yeah. Say Light would you like to go to mass? Bhunivelze welcomes all." Palom stated as Lightning just smiled at him.

"Sorry Palom. My faith has been tested too much. Let me know if you find Vanille though. I would like to know what my schedule is looking like." Lightning said as the boy nodded his head solemnly. It was an expression that Lightning knew was someone wanting to try and convince her but could seemingly tell that there was no way.

As the boy walked out of the room he grabbed the handle and closed the door as Lightning started to get onto her front. Glancing towards Vanille she smiled at the sight of the woman seeming to at least breath a little easier at the lack of the person hunting her being in the room.

"I'd wait at least ten minutes if I were you before you leave. Because they will be back." Lightning said as she quickly placed her hands in certain locations and started to push herself up with ease.

' _ **You know what, I'll take the**_ _ **high ground**_ _ **and not complain about how you should have sold the woman up the river.'**_

"How can you lie so easily to him? I always find it to be impossible to lie to him and Porom." Vanille asked as Lightning started to descend once again.

' _ **Light! It is terrifying up on the high ground. Everything is so far down compared to what I'm used to.'**_

"I'm from a family whose lineage goes back to some of the first kingdoms. We've done some terrible things since then. So we are taught how to lie from a young age. If we weren't then people would have gotten wise to us and killed us off before we got to where we've been for the last couple hundred years." Lightning stated as she started to push herself back up. "I mean we are now in the untouchable stage. And will probably be in that stage forever if any descendants of me or my sister are wise enough." Lightning continued her small lecture as she continued to do the simple exercise.

"I'm sure your family isn't that bad."

' _ **She isn't wrong... there is only like two laws against humanity the family hasn't broken... and even then those are iffy. I mean besides cousin close eyes... and great grandfather marrying his sister there hasn't been much incest. And even if there was a lot... is incest really all that bad?'**_

"He didn't marry his sister. It was his third cousin. And yes, incest is that bad." Lightning hissed louder than she might have intended. Something that was reaffirmed when Lightning looked towards Vanille and could see a look of question in her eyes that made Lightning just groan internally. "The voice just brought up how my family has broken just about ever law against humanity... we started wars, and my great... however many times grandfather married his third cousin after his first wife died." Lightning said hoping that it was enough to Vanille to not question much further.

However the look on Vanille's face made it clear that she had a slew of other questions just making Lightning groan internally once again. "My however many times great grandfather would have already been born. The name and power normally comes from the first born from the first marriage. And not that it matters now days a whole bunch typically the first born male... one of the reasons I get along so well with my father. He hates the fact I lack a penis." Lightning stated as she continued to press against the floor.

Lifting one of her arms, Lightning started to lower herself down with the remaining one on the ground. "Honestly at points it makes me envy people like you Vanille. I wish I wasn't just a tool my father could use as he pleases."

"You don't have it that bad... I mean you can read in like two languages. I can't even read in one."

' _ **We can read in more than two. We can read in like five. Six if you count stupid.'**_

"There is no way I can read more than two." Lightning muttered to herself as she looked towards Vanille. "And trust me, the reason I'm here is mostly down to my father. But let's change the topic... do you mind telling me what I can probably expect for breakfast and the day?"

"It is muffin day I think. As for our schedule... I'm meant to be in group and then we have music... then we end the day with arts and crafts." Vanille said with a smile as Lightning just enjoyed the fact that it seemed like she might be able to read more today.

' _ **I'm telling you Light, we can read in five languages. If you don't believe me ask Serah. She would have been taught the same languages.'**_

"Whatever."


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33:

"So how was your morning Light?" Yuna asked as she started to slouch a little in her chair, crossing her legs as Lightning just took a deep breath and shrugged her shoulders.

The question might have seemed simple to most people, but how was Lightning meant to tell this woman that she had helped Vanille by lying to two people who had at points been more annoying than Vanille ever could muster. And not only that she would have to tell Yuna this and not get some privileges possibly revoked.

It was a fine tight rope that she was starting to regret that she had willingly jumped up to it, and now she just had to choose where she wanted to fall it seems. The only issue was it seemed more and more like either side below her was some combination of large jagged rocks and sharks.

"Well, I have some news. News you might like." Yuna said hoping to at least poke Lightning enough to where she would want to come out of her shell a little. Even if it was just enough to get her interested in something.

Picking up a little, wondering what the news might be that she is meant to like, Lightning smirked at the sight of Yuna starting to resituate herself. "Two things of good news actually." Yuna began as she stood up from her chair and quickly walked over to her desk to open a drawer and pull something out. Just the notion that in one month let alone one day two good things happening to her, it was enough to get her more than curious.

"Let's start with one that you might not think as much." Yuna started as she quickly walked back to her seat with two folders in her hands. "I'm sure you're aware, when your mother was here, Rosa had her go over some fiddly paperwork. One of which is something that we only do for a short stretch of time each year, and we only do it with very select groups. Your mother okayed you to be one of those groups." Yuna stated as she handed Lightning over a folder.

Sliding her knees down from her chest and dropping her feet to the floor, Lightning opened the folder and started to glance over the words. But none of which seemed to be really sticking in Lightning's mind.

"There are some organisations that train therapy dogs, and because of our illustrious reputation they typically will come here to be trained to deal with the more extreme cases. Of course we do up security a bit and rounds but I'm getting side tracked. The point is you've been okayed to be given one of the puppies for a week."

' _ **Oh... my... GOD! Light we're getting a pupper! If you do not smoosh its face at least once each morning I'm going to start wrecking shit up here.'**_

"Why me?" Lightning asked already knowing that there had to be a catch of some description. She wasn't even allowed to have one when she was on the outside. "There has to be at least a floor of people who would love to have one for even a short amount of time like that." Lightning continued as she could hear a gasp inside her head that she just knew was going to have some sort of irate response to the question Lightning asked.

Shaking her head a little Yuna leaned back and smiled at her. "There are a lot of people. This is one of the most coveted privileges. But as for why you specifically, I think it is the best way for you to open up to someone. Even if it is a dog, anything that isn't yourself. I can always call one of the groups to not bring an extra one, but I strongly think this may help you. Even down to the whole feeling confined."

' _ **Light so help me. Shut up about it. Accept the pupper. If you don't, next time you talk to Serah I'll trick you into confessing about how you doomed a pupper from not getting out of its cage for a week.'**_

Taking a deep breath Lightning tossed the folder onto the couch next to her as she brought her legs up to her chest and took an extra deep breath. "Don't do that. I suppose it could be interesting." Lightning said as Yuna just smirked a little at the notion of how Lightning was acting like it was a punishment.

"We'll go over some of the temporary rule changes closer to the date. As for the second good news, I finally was able to get the word out to all the outside orderlies, and starting today you can head outside for a total of three hours." Yuna said as she laughed a little at the sight of Lightning jumping with a small amount of mirth. As though that had been the best news that she had gotten in the history of ever.

Smiling a little at the sight of Lightning sitting down with the smile still on her face, Yuna couldn't help but wonder what was going through her head. "Hence the second file, it is just the schedule you've been on, and it is still temporary, but at least you'll know at the start of the day how your day is looking. But as for the outside time, there is an hour already blocked in. After that you can spend part of your rec time outside, or just after dinner. Which is the last possible chance for the day." Yuna said producing a sheet of paper and handing it to Lightning who gave it a quick look, just smiling at how she never realised how sparse Vanille's schedule had really been.

"So I don't need to just do my exercises in my room? I can actually go for a run?" Lightning asked as Yuna took a deep breath as though she was trying to choose her words carefully.

"Provided the run is within the confines of the yard, yes."

"Thanks."

* * *

Smiling as she plopped her tray down at the table, Vanille just started to groan as she got comfortable in her seat. Rubbing her neck as she looked around and just smiled at the sight of Hope starting to walk towards a different table.

A gesture that Vanille was more than familiar with as him not wanting to admit that he is wrong about someone or something. Something that for once Vanille could actually care about because all this was doing was harming everyone's image of Lightning.

An image that Vanille knew well enough that was nothing like the stories had said. She was nothing but a nice girl who simply wanted her life to get better. Hell she wasn't even positive that what she did to start the rumours was nothing more than self defence.

Vanille knew from experience that Yuna wouldn't do something with malice, but she did also know that Yuna didn't explain what she was doing all that well, so the thought of it coming across as malicious wasn't that far fetched.

Sighing a little, Vanille tapped her tray as she took a deep breath and left her food, keeping a close eye on it as she walked towards Hope. As she took a seat, just across from the boy Vanille smiled at him.

"Come on Hope, at this point you are being ridiculous. Light isn't dangerous. You can even ask Yuna and Rosa about it. Both people who have more information on Light than any of the orderlies, or other staff. So come over to the good table instead of this wobbly and lonely one." Vanille said trying to pitch the idea to Hope so at the very least that Lightning isn't going to continue to ask questions.

Questions where the answer would be to tell Light what happened on the night that she doesn't remember that she had swore to not tell Light. Something that Vanille knew would make her loose Fang's visitation. Something that Vanille would do just about anything in her power to prevent. She didn't want to even fathom the idea of what she would do if she didn't have that one grace.

"I don't trust her Van. She seems dangerous. I mean think about it, she works out in her room, she practically jogs up flights of stairs and talks to herself like she is paranoid." Hope began as he slide his tray over a little so he could address Vanille easily. "Not to mention I asked some of the orderlies, and she actually went swinging at them and knocked them on their asses."

Shaking her head a little Vanille cracked her neck as she debated how to phrase the next part. "Hope, she hears a voice in her head that has probably been there for a long time due to what I gather a quasi incestuous family tree. Besides that, so what she works out? Have you seen her body? It is built like a tree. I mean I bet you can grate cheese on her abs. As for the orderlies, skip them and talk to Rosa and or Yuna. They have a much firmer grasp on Lightning than the orderlies." Vanille said standing up as she tapped the table lightly before she continued, "All I ask is you treat Light decently. I mean we can't possibly fathom what it is like for her to hear voices. We both just have some severe depression. But unlike us, she has a far steeper hill to climb with a lot of repressed memories that could possibly cause her to be depressed as well. I mean I've seen her become that of a child from just seeing Kramer. Once you grow up and realise you are being a dummy, you know where to find us."

As Vanille finished her rant she started to walk back towards the table she had been sitting at beforehand. Smiling a little at the sight in Porom's eyes, there was a distinct gleam in them as Lightning started to rub her eyes.

"So what did I miss? Anything good?" Vanille asked as she could see Porom's gleam drop into a glare. "I'm sorry Porom, but if anything you should expect that. I mean you convinced me while I was eating fo-"

Deciding to interrupt Vanille and snap the attention that from the woman that Lightning just knew was going to seemingly dig her hole deeper. "I apparently am going to be one of the people with the dogs." As Lightning spoke that Vanille quickly glanced towards her with a hurt expression.

"For once in a long time I agree with Palom... you get all the luck. Triple cookies, with more you just need to ask... plus you get the therapy animal thing?" Vanille whined softly as Lightning just shrugged her shoulders.

"The cookie thing is because if I don't get enough sugar and calories in general I go into violent shakes, memory loss and possibly a coma. As for the dog thing... I got nothing. Yuna won't give me her full reasoning. She just kept saying how it will help me open up." Lightning said as Vanille just continued to pout.

"Still lucky. The puppies are always super cute. And if you horde yours, I'm going to flip. I demand visitation rights Light." Vanille continued in her faux pout as Lightning just shrugged her shoulders once again. "Don't shrug your shoulders. That shit is like a super commodity. Like diamonds. Even Hope hasn't had one... or Yeul now that I think about it." Vanille continued to whine as Lightning just continued to meet her gaze.

"I don't know all the rules Vanille. If I'm not going to break any, I don't mind you coming over to see him or her. But until then, I can't promise anything. I'm just happy I'm now allowed out into the yard." Lightning said as Vanille seemed to pout further.

"How is that what you think is the good thing? The dog Light. I mean think of the adorable face..." Vanille whined again as Light just shrugged her shoulders. "We are going to have a serious conversation about your priorities young miss." Vanille said in a faux parental tone.

' _ **For once I agree. We could make a killing by having people pay in cookies to pet the pupper... I mean think about the possibilities Light. We could retire young.'**_

"What are you four?" Lightning hissed silently as she grabbed her fork and started to roll it in her hand debating if she was too loud by the reaction of the people around her who thankfully didn't seem to pay much attention to her mutterings at this point. Something that was making her super thankful.

At least now if she slipped further and addressed the voice in her head properly, she wasn't going to be brought up to Yuna or Rosa about being a danger. Something that she knew while hadn't happened, she knew that it could very well have happened if anyone truly didn't think she was in the right place and had proof.

' _ **One is never too old for trading pupper pats for cookies. In fact I'm pretty sure that is how your family got so wealthy. You know with the great cookie shortage we were the only people to have cookies and we then traded them for money which is just stupid.'**_

"Pot meet kettle." Lightning continued to mutter as she glanced towards Vanille who started to slump a little onto the table and glanced at Lightning. It was as though she had just revealed something or she added to a conversation without meaning to.

"Light... seriously... don't horde the puppy. If that is what the voice wants you to do, tell me so I can go to Yuna and get your meds doubled..." Vanille muttered as Lightning just rolled her eyes.

"It is actually telling me the opposite. And as is, the meds already aren't really doing much, but both her and Rosa keep telling me it can take a while to have a noticeable difference." Lightning said as she raised her fork to take the first bite, just being glad that she could at least do something that wasn't going to become dangerous anytime soon.

At least she was sure Vanille wouldn't become dangerous if Lightning just hoarded the dog's love. But she had seen the woman have complete one eight mood swings. So anything really was possible. She just would hope that the Pulse born would at least make her death quick just so Lightning could be out of the misery she felt herself in at points.

"They aren't wrong about the medication." Porom said with a smile as Lightning just shrugged her shoulders as though she really wasn't going to argue the point. She just wished at points that the voice was going to leave her alone long enough so she could think for more than a few seconds at a time before she was interrupted. "Not to mention that is assuming they get the dosage just right the first time. It took them several attempts to get mine right... and Yuel has said it took them something like thirty different combinations to get her's right." Porom continued as she smiled at the look on her brother's face falling a little.

"Maybe if you wouldn't keep hogging the puzzles Lulu could have gotten it right quicker." Palom muttered as his sister glared at him. A harsh glare that Lightning just knew was one that was meant to stop the preteen in his tracks, but what she did know about siblings was stopping before someone said something they shouldn't have isn't part of the lexicon.

"You guys make it sound like you've been here a while." Lightning said hoping to just defuse the situation as best as she could as to avoid the minor fallout that would happen from the duo fighting.

' _ **Come on Light! I was taking bets. I mean the Freud part of your brain was placing big bucks that they would end up confessing they have feelings for their parents.**_ _ **It is so fucking weird if you ask me.**_ _ **'**_

"Six years in a few months."

"We wouldn't be here if the stupid abbot didn't constantly feel like we weren't processing emotions." Palom muttered angrily as Lightning sighed a little and glanced towards Vanille to see if she could defuse the situation even more than what Lightning had tried.

Smiling a little with her mouth full of food, Vanille took a large, painful gulp as she swiped one of the extra cookies off of Lightning's tray and lightly poked the boy next to her. "Palom, it is okay. I mean Yeul has been here for nearly twenty years, and I'm coming up on ten. And you know Rosa isn't trying to stop you. Fighting your sister will get you nowhere but solitary. So be a big boy and have a cookie." Vanille said as she could see the boy smile a little as he lifted his head a little and reached towards the treat. Just glad that it hadn't been some elaborate trap Porom had set up.

' _ **Again, you just had to ruin my bets. I need to pay everyone back... I already bought a kick as lambo and have a collection of fur jackets... now that I think about it I might just go become a pimp. That sounds like fun. Think we can go get some whores by the ping pong table? We should check.'**_

"Whatever." Lightning muttered as she took the final bite from plate just wondering where it had all seemed to vanish. It isn't really like it mattered to Lightning, she just wished that she could go one meal without being browbeaten into something that she found stupid.

"Light... no hoarding the puppy." Vanille stated as Lightning rolled her eyes.

"We stopped talking about that and are discussing the logistics of pimping." Lightning said as Vanille coughed on the sip of milk she had taken in.

"That sounds fun." Porom said with a smile as Lightning looked towards her wondering if this was a case of her knowing what the word meant. As if giving Light the answer she wanted Porom continued "Whatever it means."

"You don't need to worry about it hopefully ever Porom." Lightning said as she stood up placing the cookie into her mouth. "Now I'm going to go get my blood tested and hopefully be allowed out early." Lightning said as she started to walk towards the small place to leave her tray before she would make the walk towards the kitchen.

' _ **I'm glad you turned her off. Pretty sure that would be illegal like everywhere.'**_

"It already is illegal. That would just make it so much more gross and dirty."

' _ **I'm sure someone would be into it.'**_

"I don't want to think about that."

' _ **Neither do I...'**_


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34:

Rubbing her neck as she sat in the library once again, Lightning just took some deep breaths as she contemplated how this was going to work. All she knew for sure was that the woman near enough hiding under the desk next to her was starting to annoy her.

"Seriously, Porom. You can't stay under there." Lightning said, well and truly exhausted by this turn of events. She really wondered what had been going through the woman's mind. Something that Lightning was getting a little exhausted by. "What even has you down this much?" Lightning asked hoping that it would at least get her out of this situation a lot faster and not somehow harming her more.

"It is nothing." Porom said as Lightning smiled a little and moved her chair back a bit so she could at least address the brunette a lot easier. As she continued to stare at the timid child as she continued to stare at her with a finer tooth comb.

Feeling the eyes on her, Porom just took a deep inhale as she pulled her knees firmer to her chest. "How can you be so calm about everything?" She asked softly as Lightning just smirked a little at the question. "I mean... you could be here for years upon years... possibly even the rest of your life. And you don't even have a faith... and I can even feel my own faith starting to be tested with the length I've been here. How can you be so calm about everything."

Smiling a little Lightning patted the seat next to her, hoping to coax the child out from her pseudo home. She couldn't help but smile a little at the sight of her shaking her head. Sighing a little, Lightning started to slide off her chair to sit under the table with her.

' _ **Because you are so far off the reservation that I'm positive we've drifted onto someone else's.'**_

"I don't have some magical answer." Lightning said as she could see the child deflate a little as she just decided to continue her point. "Most of my earliest memories are in hell. And even then they are spotty at best. As for the reason I don't have a faith like you and your brother is because after years of spending time in hell... it just felt like Lindzei abandoned me. Not to mention religion wasn't really big in my family to begin with." Lightning said as she could see the child look towards her, a clear look of sadness on her features.

Taking a deep breath Lightning just shook her head at the concern. "I'm not entirely without faith Porom. I just don't view any of the big religions in the same light. They always have the same idea for what you should do with your life. So I suppose that is why I feel calm. I'm not being instructed with what I should do provided I know I'm doing something good. Which includes this right here. As for why I'm fine knowing I can be here for years... it is better than the alternative where I eventually snap and make a successful suicide attempt because the alternative at that point would be mass murder and I know I don't have that in me."

' _ **Lies are truths we wish to hear.'**_

"What?" Lightning asked as Porom looked at her before realising it wasn't nearly as bad as she once thought it was.

' _ **Nothing. Just something you once read. Don't worry about it. I think that is how I'll make you fall back a few pegs. Just citing off some old poems you read.'**_

Shaking her head again, Lightning took a deep breath and just gestured Porom to go on with her point as though Lightning had everything under control with what she knew was going on. "I once thought that as well... but after lunch... it is clear that I could spend my entire adult life here. Then what happens when I get out? How much will have changed? Will I ever find true love once I get out? Will I even be able to live up to what Bhunivelze wants of me? or am I just squandering his gifts?" Porom spoke with a frown as Lightning reached out carefully.

She was unsure if this was what she should do. It was making her feel like she was lost, but she knew that this child needed some sort of comfort. Taking a deep breath, Lightning carefully extended a few fingers to gently rub her fingertips against Porom's back.

Frowning a little as she could hear a small laugh from Porom next to her. "I'm glad you are trying to show me some support Light. But it isn't your strong suit." Porom said as Lightning shoved the girl gently.

"It took me four months to learn how to hug my sister again. And even then it couldn't be for more than a few seconds until recently. And even then it just makes my skin crawl a little." Lightning began as Porom just smiled at her. "But don't worry about that stuff Porom. Things change all the time with or without people knowing. You could find your true love in here... you may only be in here a few more months. But above all else... doesn't Bhunivelze have a plan? So this just has to be a step in his plan for you. I mean look at me, I don't even follow him and I have a feeling that life will sort itself out."

' _ **Why do you tell us these lies? They are hurtful and I have lost respect for you.'**_

Shaking her head violently, Lightning looked at Porom who had at least started to pick up at that simple statement. It was something that just made sense to her at this moment. Even if it was something that just made her seem better about the entire situation. At the very least the outlook seemed to have shifted a little.

"Are you alright Lightning?" Porom asked calmly as the pinkette just looked at her and smiled at her.

"Nothing I can't handle. But now, can I get back to reading without worrying about you?" Lightning asked as the child nodded her head a little. Just causing her to smile as she started to slide up from her down position back onto her chair. Smiling a little as she grabbed the book and pulled it closer.

As she started to flick through the pages to find where she was she could see Porom crawling out from her spot under the table. A sign that she had really accepted what Lightning had told her. A feat that just made Lightning feel a lot better about the entire thing. She didn't want to think what else was the issue.

"Hey Porom, do you mind if I ask what was it that sent you and your brother here?" Lightning asked softly as Porom took a seat on the chair next to Lightning. She could just tell from the way the teen was biting her lip that it had been a near internal struggle to figure out if she really could tell Lightning without entering another tail spin.

Coming to her answer, of trusting that if she entered another Lightning was going to be able to help her out of it, Porom took a deep breath as she spoke up. "Palom and I saw our parents being murdered. We were taken in by the local church because that was the only place that could really hold two orphans. But when the Abbot found out about that because no one really told him, he waited for us to show something like we were processing their deaths... after multiple months where I just shut in and Palom went the other direction, he decided to call Rosa who was passing through our town. And after a few hours she was able to coax me out a little and reeled Palom closer towards the centre of the spectrum of healthy reactions. And after that meeting she came to an agreement with the Abbot and the village who had practically been footing the bill for us already out of sympathy."

Pressing her lips into a think line, Lightning couldn't help but know that if she was being honest it really could be hard for many people to see something like that. Or at the least people with a healthy respect for their parents anyway. It was just something that Lightning fantasised about.

Even if she knew that it wasn't exactly a healthy fantasy to have, it just made some of her worst times seem that much more bearable. Even if it was something that was only going to ever be for a few fainting seconds, it was still a pleasant thought.

"From my experience with Rosa, she seems like she knows what she is doing, and if you have questions if you ask her to tell you the truth... she normally will. Especially if she thinks it will help you. So if you do have a crisis of if you will ever get out... it doesn't hurt to just ask." Lightning stated a little glad that she had been told as much from the girl. It just meant that she was either trusted enough to be told something like that or at least Porom knew that Lightning wasn't going to blab about that.

"What if she doesn't tell either of us?" Porom whispered as Lightning just smiled at her.

"Then what have you lost? You have the everything to gain by simply asking. And provided you ask in the right manner you have nothing to lose." Lightning stated as she could see Porom just relax further at that statement. "Now, I'm going to turn back to my reading." Lightning said as she did just as she said. Not really wanting to spend longer than needed to with the woman. She just had to bide her time for another hour before she can start her second hour of outside time.

Just the thought of her getting to run just made her smile. It would be so much fun that she didn't even care about anything else really. Even this entire situation with someone who had started to grate on her nerves just as much as Vanille did at points. But not while she was outside.

The one hour she was already out there was magical. The way the wind rushed past her and her nose was filled with the pleasant smell of the wild flowers and the other plants. She didn't even care that she could feel the eyes of the orderlies as she just jogged around the half acre of land she was allowed to.

Hell, Lightning didn't even care that she had to deal with the occasional person asking her if she wanted to join in some game or another. She was just content to jog and smell the fresh air. Even if it had some sort of oppressive smell from the fact that she knew she was still in her newest prison.

"Hey Light... you plan to head outside again don't you?" Porom asked snapping Lightning from her small trance as she looked back towards the child.

"Yeah." Lightning said a small smile as she could see the book that Porom at some point had gotten while she was in her trance of remembering the freeing feeling of just running outside. "Why?" Lightning asked hoping that she wasn't going to be stopped from what she wanted because she would gladly shoot the child down, punishments for harming her mental health be damned.

"You just seemed so lonely when I looked out at the sight of you running around. Do you want some company? Or maybe we could go to the garden." Porom spoke as she continued to beam as Lightning just groaned internally at what she knew was the girl trying to get closer to Lightning for whatever reason. A reason that she just didn't care about at that minute.

"I don't mind being alone Porom. I'm used to it. If anything I prefer it most of the time. Not even to be alone with my thoughts. It is purely because I really don't do groups well. And I view a group as more than two people. And I actually jog slash run pretty fast, you could hurt yourself trying to keep up." Lightning said hoping that she could persuade her away from this. Just because she didn't want to spend even more time with what was becoming a nuisance.

' _ **You know, if you really didn't want to spend time with them, just be up front. Or you know... stab someone in the neck with a spork. A foon. Or go easy mode and use a Splayde... or sporf... Etro be damned these people need to figure out one and stick with it. Oooohhhh that is like hard mode. Using a stick... twig? Seriously people are stupid.'**_

"They already have. It is called a spork. What kind of psychopath calls it a foon?" Lightning hissed as she could almost feel the eyes in her from that outburst as Porom just started to chuckle a little. Something that broke Lightning out of her stupor causing her to look towards the near offending person.

"Do I want to know?" Porom asked as Lightning shook her head as she knew a for sure way to remove all this questioning gazes from her.

"Not really. But I'm going to head back to my room. But my point stands Porom. I don't do well around crowds and it is already taking me so much concentration to not snap during the likes of eating with you guys. Maybe in a few weeks once I can wrap my head around the fact you guys aren't going to stab me while my back is turned." Lightning said as she picked up the book and walked towards the shelf she had taken it off from.

' _ **I don't know. That Hope guy seems like he has a stick up his ass and wouldn't mind stabbing us... but don't worry Light. I'll protect you. No point letting your pretty head get hurt. I mean father dearest might get mad he wasn't the one to cause your death.'**_

Ignoring the jab coming from the voice Lightning just shook her head and slipped the book into its home. Just enjoying the fact that she could feel that the preteen had accepted her stance on the matter.

At the very least she knew that she could take some solace at that. Once she knew that she wasn't going to be nearly attacked she could enjoy the silence of her room with the book she still had. And not to mention she would get to enjoy the fact that she didn't need to explain what the author meant or why you couldn't take a modern look on the book that is older than the both of them put together.

"Okay Light. I'll be in the garden in an hour... so you can go there if you want some company." Porom said softly as Lightning turned around and smiled at her. As if she was trying to tell her that nothing bad was going to happen. Or at the very least that nothing bad for another chunk of days was going to happen.

"It will be fine Porom. And I know you will be too. Okay. Just remember what we talked about if you still feel like you are having a crisis. It may help you a lot more than you think." Lightning said as she lightly patted Porom's head as she started to walk out.

Taking a few steps on the stairs, Lightning just took some deep breaths just to make sure that she was in fact alright. That had been the first person besides Vanille that Lightning didn't particularly feel like she should shove away, but for some reason she couldn't seem to point out why it just felt different.

When Lightning was around Porom it felt more like what she felt with Serah. In how she had the feeling of an older sister when it came to any number of topics. Which just further confused Lightning. She had thought that was how she felt around Vanille, but it very clearly wasn't.

' _ **Maybe it is because you want to touch Vanille's butt... and boobies... and whatever else grownups do. I mean your only knowledge of what grownups do is Dysley... his generals... and father dearest. I'd say mother dearest but she follows father... so it would be redundant.'**_

Taking a few more steps, Lightning just took a deep breath. "Just shut up." Lightning spoke softly in an almost defeated tone, but she didn't care about that. For once she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts. Or maybe even talk to someone who at least understood her. The only problem with the later was the only person that really understood her that she felt comfortable talking to wasn't going to be near a phone for possibly a number of days.

' _ **Oh Light... we both know that won't happen. I mean... you really don't want to be alone with your thoughts and you know that. We have a symbiotic relationship here.'**_

"More like parasitic." Lightning hissed as she reached the door to her floor. Enjoying the lack of sounds coming from the floor meaning that she was probably going to be alone long enough to talk.

' _ **Okay, ow. That hurts Light. We both benefit here. I make sure all your crazy thoughts are in line... and you gave me life. So what if I say a few things that are inappropriate. Or go on tangents... you are the one that speaks out loud now.'**_

"Look where we are. If that is your one job you aren't pulling your weight." Lightning muttered quietly as she opened the door to her room before nudging it closed with her foot. Stepping out of her given slippers Lightning walked towards her bed and fell face first down. Just wanting to enjoy the lack of people talking outside her room.

' _ **Trust me Light. If I wasn't doing my job, you would have snapped a lot sooner and possibly killed yourself.'**_

"I doubt it." Lightning muttered as she closed her eyes and just took a deep breath knowing that she was just going to be able to rest for a few seconds before someone would come by and start to annoy her over something stupid or what they perceive as the healthy option.

' _ **If only you knew Light.'**_


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35:

_Being tossed down onto her knees in front of the man that had started to become more and more of the bane of Claire's existence. It seemed that anyway Claire could defend herself form this monster, he just seemed to crush her hopes and chances like it was some sport to h_ _im_ _. And even then Claire wasn't positive that he wouldn't kill her._

_But if she was being honest with herself, just the thought of death would be a blessing. She wanted to feel that sweet release. Hell she still wasn't sure why every time she tried to do it herself the guards that were constantly stationed around her stopped her._

_It was almost like there had been some incentive in place to keep her alive. Something that would be funny given how this man had constantly killed people in front of her as if they were nothing but insects to him. Just the thought that her life was the important one was another reason on a long list of them as to why she should just be allowed to die or take some of these people with her._

" _You know Claire, I really wish you would stop these escape attempts." The fair haired man spoke as he started to descend from the throne he had built just to seem more intimidating, but Claire knew better. It was just some sort of_ _demented ego stroking exercise_ _._

" _And I wish you would just either kill me or die yourself." Claire spat as she felt the butt of one of the rifles behind her being shoved into the back of her head forcing her to bow in the presence of the man she despised almost as much as her father who just seemed to want to condemn her to this situation._

" _Now men. That is no way to treat a six year old." Dysley spoke as he walked up to the downed pink haired woman and lightly kicked her over onto her back. "She is just like all other six year olds._ _Albeit_ _with a much large vocabulary that certainly hurt my feelings." He continued as he stared into the defiant eyes of the girl that he just knew that her father would break eventually. Until then he knew that he was allowed to do whatever he wanted to her._

_That was when a thought occurred to him. Turning to the guards who had caught her Dysley just smiled at them. "You two should leave me for a while. I'll notify you when you are needed again." As he spoke, Claire could just feel a shiver run down her spine. Wondering just what the man could be planing._

_Hearing the two guards chuckle at something as they walked out of the room, slamming the doors closed, Claire started to crawl away the best she could with her bound hands as she tried to keep an eye on the man._

_With the doors echoing closed, Claire gulped as she witness him walking closer and closer. "What are you going to do!?" Claire yelled as she felt her head hitting a wall making her take a shaky breath knowing there was probably going to be no escape._

" _Going to make sure you know the gravity of hurting my feelings." Dysley spoke as he started to undo the fastenings on his robes. "And if you continue to hurt my feelings, I'll just get rougher and rougher. Possibly even making you swallow a few teeth." He added as he tossed his robs off and quickly grabbed onto the small girl's bare legs, dragging her closer hiking the skirt she had been wearing up just causing a sinister smile as Claire's instincts kicked in causing her to try and fight the hold._

_Smiling as he let go of one of them, Claire decided to take the chance and kick the man in the face causing him to just take a breath before spitting on the ground before he delivered a brutal punch across Claire's jaw. Just casing him to smile at the sight of three white like objects flying across the room with droplets of blood._

" _I was going to go easy for the first time, but you just lost that privileged." The man spat as he delivered another blow across the child's face. As the bruises started to form and more and more of the white objects flying around the room, Dysley smiled as he could feel the kicking start to die as he could see more and more of the child's face swelling. Something that he hated he had to destroy the face, but knew that he was going to at the very least get his time's worth out of this child._

* * *

_Sitting up right, in the slightly larger cage, Claire just smiled at the fact that they had eventually decided to upgrade her accommodations to a large dog's cage. Slumping forward, ignoring the feeling of her skin at that moment, Claire just started to look around to make sure that the close was clear._

' _ **Air... Get... Air...'**_ _Came the croaky voice that Claire just found comfort in how it had saved her this far. She just knew that this time was going to be like so many others. Reaching under the newspaper that was her bedding, Claire just smiled as she found what she was looking for._

_Slipping the two pieces of metal into the lock, Claire smiled deeply as she heard the click of the lock giving way. Just making her enjoy the fact that they had yet to change the lock. She had picked this one so many t_ _i_ _mes she knew that it was down to pure muscle memory but that didn't really matter to her._

_Fishing her hand through one of the holes from the thick wires that made up the doors, Claire smiled as she could taste the fresh air that came with being on this train. She just knew that while she couldn't possibly survive in the wilderness wherever they were, she just knew that the air seemed to make her aching muscles relax more._

_Smiling a deep smile as she started to crawl out of her confines, Claire just stretched her arm back into her home just to hide her tools of her trade. She couldn't afford to get caught again. Her fingers just healed from when Jihl caught her, and the threat of what would happen if she got caught again. Just the thought of her being chained up in the barracks again wasn't something she enjoyed._

_Crawling towards the air vent, Claire just smiled as she started to look around. She was too happy at this moment. Weaving her fingers into the vent, the thin woman smiled as she gave the grate a sharp tug._

' _ **Air... We... Need... Fresh... Air...'**_ _The voice croaked again and Claire didn't need to be told twice. Sliding into the vent, she carefully swapped the position of her fingers so she could put the vent cover back in place just so the guards wouldn't think she was missing unless they looked in._

_Quickly hurrying down the path she had memorised that would get her to one of vents that faced the outside. She could feel her legs almost burn as she came to a stop. Smiling as she looked up a little, she could see the stars._

_Taking a deep lung full of the night time air, Claire couldn't help but smile. She was content with staying there as long as she could. She just knew that she couldn't help wanting to stay there longer._

' _ **Go... Back... We Must... Go... Back...'**_ _frowning a little, Claire just continued to hold herself as she took a few more deep breaths. "I just want to stay here a bit longer." Claire muttered softly as she tried to make out some of the wilderness they were passing. Just so she could see if she could see where they were heading now._ _ **'Too... Long... We have been... Gone... Too... Long...'**_

_Sighing a little, Claire just took a last lung full of this fresh air before she would slunk away to her home once more. Just regretting the fact that she was still there. After two years she was still there. But at least she still had the joy that she knew any day she would be free._

_Coming to a stop at the grate, Claire could feel her smile get robbed from her at the sight of a guard walking in and closing the door. She could even make out the man starting to undo his belt causing Claire to just feel her throat tighten._

' _ **Stop... Him. He can't... Go Back...'**_ _The voice croaked as she frowned at the fact that she knew it was right. Claire just wished that there was an easier way._

 _Taking a final deep breath, Claire just knew that once she did what she had to... there would be no more Claire... but she had to do it if she wanted to stay living._ _ **'We need... to survive...'**_ _With that final prod in the correct direction, Claire started to carefully push the grate from its position taking extra care to make sure there was no noise made._

_Crawling towards the man's pants, Claire just smiled at the unguarded knife. She knew that it would be a lot easier now as she wrapped her fingers around the handle._

* * *

"Come on Porom. Why do we need to go wake her. More importantly why do _I_ need to go." The boy complained as he felt his sister grab onto his wrist and pulling him along with her. He was starting to get mad at the fact that he had to trust his dessert was going to be fine.

"A few reasons. One, I want to talk to my brother in private and this is the best way. Two Kain promised me and you double desserts if we do this. Thirdly and finally, Light is a friend and you would want her to do the same thing." Porom stated as she quickly started to look around before she stopped and smiled in the hallway. Just happy with how she felt like they were alone enough. "I talked with Lightning earlier... and she made a valid point to me when I was having a slight crisis about if we will ever get out, which caused me to think. We've never tried being straight forward with Rosa and ask her when she thinks we'll get out."

"Because that is a stupid idea. Come on Porom, you are meant to be the one with all the boring and safe but good ideas." Palom complained crossing his arms as his sister just rolled her eyes.

"We have nothing to lose. Worst case we are back in the same situation of not knowing. But we have everything to gain. If we ask nicely, Rosa will most likely tell us. Just think about it. We should go get Light first." Porom said with a smile as she started to lead her brother down the hallway towards her room. She knew the odds of finding Lightning in there were low, but it made sense to start there.

Coming to a stop at the door, Porom just smiled at the sight of Lightning in her room. A little curious if she really did sleep the rest of the day but judging from the tossing and turning she knew for sure that she was asleep now.

"It is still stupid you dragged me along. We could have just gotten an orderly to come up... Light would just hand over cookies if we asked her to. And I still think Vanille would give us the shirt off her back if we asked her for that. She really doesn't care about having dessert or not." Palom stated as Porom just rolled her eyes at the commentary. "Plus I'm still mad at you because you keep using my brush and not cleaning it."

Right now, she just had to get Lightning up and ready to go eat. As she walked carefully into the room, Porom pressed her lips into a thin line as she watched Lightning just thrashing about. It was as though she was having nothing but a nightmare. Something that Porom could sympathise with.

She had them often enough to know how bad they can be. Knowing what she would want to happen to her in this case, Porom reached down to Lightning shoulder giving her a light jostle, the girl could feel her smile be robbed from the sudden searing pain in the arm that was holding Lightning's shoulder.

As a loud gasp filled the room, Porom started to slump to the floor. As she could feel tears leave her eyes. She just felt like crying as she cradled her arm.

"YOU BITCH! LEAVE MY SISTER ALONE!" Palom yelled as he quickly hit the emergency button and ran between Lightning and Porom as he could see Lightning shoving herself into the corner. Glaring harshly at the woman, who he could see pull her knees into herself, just muttering what for all he cared could be false apologies. He didn't care. He wasn't going to let harm befall his sister in such a way.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." Lightning muttered as she placed her head between her knees and started to take shaky calming breaths. Wondering what exactly was happening. She didn't mean to harm the child, but at the same time she hadn't exactly been able to stop herself.

"Porom, it's going to be okay." Palom spat as he tried to gesture his sister back to a safer position as they waited for some sort of medical attention. He wasn't going to give this seemingly extremely nice woman a chance to harm his sister again.

' _WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!'_ Lightning yelled internally as she grabbed fistfuls of her hair. She knew this just had to be another nightmare. There was no way this was real. It just had to be a lie.

' _ **That, my surprisingly aggressive woman was my point to our argument. That was some of the crazy I hold back and just let slip out slowly... I decided while you passed out that this was a chance to prove my point. As for breaking the poor girl's arm... happy accident.'**_

Hearing that Lightning started to groan as she could hear people entering her room once again. "I'm sorry Porom... I didn't mean to hurt you." Lightning muttered as she started to feel her head being moved up gently. As the cerulean eyes met the heterochromatic eyes she once found comfort in. But she couldn't now.

"Lightning, look at me. What happened?" Yuna demanded as Lightning just started to shrink back into herself. "What happened."

"I saw it... she just broke my sister's arm!" Palom yelled as Yuna took a deep breath.

"Palom, I'll get your story of what happened in a bit. But right now you need to calm down." Yuna demanded in a firm tone towards the room's other occupants before she turned back towards her own patient. "Lightning I need to know." She demanded as she could see faint tears starting to mist in Lightning's eyes.

"I didn't mean to hurt her..."

' _ **By now I think we both know**_ _ **that's**_ _ **a lie.'**_

Biting her lip just so she didn't dig her grave seemingly deeper, Lightning knew that she had to continue what she was saying. "She just grabbed me while I was asleep, and instinct or something just took over and... I'm so sorry Porom." Lightning said as Yuna frowned a little and started to lower Lightning's head back to the place it once was.

Taking a few steps back towards the twins, Yuna bent down and moved Palom out of the way so she could get a look at the injury. Frowning deeply as she could see the bone in her upper arm being clearly broken and the lower part pressing dangerously close to the point of breaking the skin.

"Porom, you are going to need to be brought off site." Yuna whispered softly as she quickly reached behind her to grab hold of the victim's brother's wrist knowing that he would lash out towards Lightning and she couldn't afford that. She knew that Lightning would have just let the teen beat her.

Glancing up towards the door, Yuna smiled at the sight of Rosa as well as a few nurses walking in. As Rosa scanned the sight before her, a scowl started to develop. "It is clearly broken, and nearly penetrating the skin. She needs to go off site Rosa." Yuna whispered as Rosa pulled a walkie talkie up and quickly pressed the talk button.

"Palom, when Sazh gets here go with him. And we can tal-" Rosa started before she got interrupted by the emotional boy.

"I'm not leaving my sister. Not while that bitch is not being punished for just hurting her." Palom bit knowing that if Porom wasn't crying or in pain she would scold him for his language. But he didn't care about that, he had higher priorities at this minute.

Taking a calming breath, Rosa took a few more steps into the room, lightly moving Yuna's hand from his as she bent down and rested her hands on Palom's shoulders. "Palom. I understand you are emotional right now. But do you trust me?" Rosa asked calmly.

"I do... just not with my sister." Palom muttered as he glanced downwards. He knew that she was going to try and convince him otherwise, but he couldn't manage to trust someone with his older twin sister.

"Palom, listen to me. We need to take her to the hospital. Judging from her arm, she needs surgery to fix it. I promise you the same thing I promised the Abbot. I'm not going to let anything happen to her. I will go with her myself but I can't let you go with her." Rosa spoke as Palom started to sulk. "If you don't want me, I will get anyone you want to that isn't a patient."

"Cecil... I'd trust Cecil won't let harm happen to her." Palom demanded as Rosa smiled at him.

"Okay, I'll call him. But you need to listen to me, you need to go with Sazh." Rosa said calmly towards the child who frowned.

"I want to see you call him." Palom demanded as Rosa took a deep breath.

"Okay. Yuna do you have everything here?" Rosa asked as Yuna looked up at her again nodding her head. "Come on then Palom." Rosa said as she quickly shifted to grab hold of his hand. As they walked out, she could just hear the same apologetic manner of Lightning as she rocked back and forth on her bed. It just made her wonder truly how dangerous this woman was but also how much of her reactions were based solely on instinct.

' _ **To be clear, I never meant for you to hit the little shit. But you may want to kiss your ass goodbye. Because if this doesn't secure you losing like every single thing given to you, nothing will.'**_

"SHUT UP! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Lightning yelled as she began to bite her lip knowing that she had yelled that out loud.

' _ **Uh oh... again, not intentional. But you seriously need to take your own advice. Shut up now. It will help you in the long run.'**_


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36:

"Okay... thanks Cecil. This is a load off of everyone's mind. I'm just sorry it looks like it is going to be a late night here." Rosa said as she continued to rub her eyes, just regretting that the day had taken this turn. At least she knew Porom was going to be fine given how well surgery was apparently going. It just made her feel a lot better about how she was meant to progress with what she knew was going to be a pain and a half.

Rosa hadn't wanted to punish Lightning further, but if what Palom told her was true, than she had no choice but to punish Lightning and maybe even move her to the east wing. The only thing stopping her at this exact moment from pulling the pin on that grenade was the fact that she knew the boy was prone to exaggerate and distort situations when it came to the last of his family.

All that remained was her getting the story from Lightning's perspective, and then her getting it from Porom in a couple of days time, or whenever she was able to talk to Porom. But for now she could only go off of the two people's perspectives.

" _It's alright Rosa. I should stay here anyways with Porom. Just we both know that you should probably give Palom a day pass tomorrow to come here supervised. I know it is short notice, but if it doesn't happen then they both are just going to try and claw at everything until they can get to each other._ " Cecil spoke in what made Rosa happy by his calming tone. Just so it would give her enough room to seemingly breath. " _Now you should probably go get that one woman's story, because from what I saw in the x-ray... that was a powerful break and seemingly focused to cause pain but not kill._ "

"Thanks again Cecil. I promise to make this up to you." Rosa started as she stood up and walked around her desk so she could quickly get down to Yuna's office where she hoped that Yuna would be with Lightning. "Let me know when she comes out, and remember to tell the aftercare nurses not to use any form of NSAIDs. Because she is highly allergic to them."

" _I know, now seriously, I got to go. But go down with Kain... I trust Sazh would be able to know what to do, but that pink haired woman is something else._ " Cecil said as Rosa just took another deep breath.

Not wanting to argue with her husband at that moment, Rosa hung up the phone as she grabbed the walkie talkie on her desk as she started to walk towards to the elevator. Stopping at the door Rosa could hear some crackle coming over the device in her hand already causing Rosa to groan knowing what it is about. Pressing the button Rosa spoke up before the other end had the chance. "Just give Palom a single dose of Melatonin. And inform his doctors that both he and Porom won't be in for a few days."

" _Thanks boss._ " Rosa could hear Kramer respond just giving Rosa at least a little bit of joy from the fact that it meant that he would not be near Lightning at all and therefore they all could breath a lot easier about Lightning's current state. It meant that at the very least Lightning would have one less reason to crumble up into a ball and her mental state to revert back to that of a child once again.

Walking out of the metal box, Rosa just took a deep breath as she could see one light being on in any of the rooms this way. It just meant to her that they wouldn't need to really mince their words for the safety of the other patients.

Taking a few steps into the room, Rosa pressed her lips into a thin line as she could see Yuna lightly holding Lightning's head down so it was between her knees. Something that Rosa knew what she was trying to do but she also knew that it wasn't going to work with what they had to do.

"Yuna, did Light tell you anything?" Rosa asked as she closed the door after signalling quickly for the orderlies to just stand by the door. She hoped that Yuna had managed to get Lightning to talk about what happened, just because Rosa knew she was going to burn what good faith she had amassed with the teen.

"She was apologising until she actually nearly vomited from crying." Yuna said calmly as Rosa turned around and stared at Lightning. It was something that was a hard sight for Rosa, it meant that either Lightning was the most convincing actress to have ever graced the world which would make her case all that much harder for them to deal with. Or that Lightning legitimately didn't mean to bring harm to Porom. "Please tell me Porom is actually alright." Yuna said hoping that they would be able to get something from Lightning.

"Porom is in surgery, but it is going well." Rosa said as she walked around the couch and gestured Yuna away from keeping Lightning with her head down. "Lightning, I hate that I need to do this, but I need to take the reins from you." Rosa said as she bent down a little to look at Lightning closer.

She already knew from what she read that Lightning did have the potential to bring harm to other people, and she also knew from her own conversations she never truly wanted most other people to have pain brought onto them by her. She would much rather the far more masochistic option.

"Lightning, Porom is going to be alright she has a broken arm and was really shook up but she will be fine. But right now, you need to tell us exactly what happened up until that point." Rosa demanded as she could see Lightning just taking an almost shaky glance upwards.

"I didn't mean to hurt her." Lightning muttered as Rosa sighed deeply, knowing that her displeasure of the situation was going to come through, but Rosa had no choice but to stay here until she knew that Lightning wasn't going to be a danger for anyone.

"Then tell us what happened Lightning. You need to tell us that." Rosa demanded as Lightning started to take some further trembling breaths inwards. She knew that she couldn't really stand to be here at this minute. But she had no choice but to be here until they got done talking and by extension what they decided to do with her.

' _ **Light, listen to me. You can't blame yourself. I admit I could have better timing, but that girl shouldn't of tried to wake us up.'**_

Grabbing the side of head, Lightning just wanted to scream. But something was holding her back seemingly. "Light, if you don't you are going to need to be relocated to the east facility tonight. Your medication will be upped and you will lose every sort of privilege you had up until this point. You don't want that." Yuna said hoping to at least get the woman to talk about the incident that had just taken place two hours ago. "I know the voice in your head did or said something. What was it." Yuna continued as Rosa quickly looked towards her, as if she had just said something she maybe should have mentioned earlier. "She yelled it just after you left her room."

Glancing back towards Lightning, Rosa spoke up, "What was it Light? That may save us all a lot of trouble."

' _ **Light, just tell them. Tell them how I let some of the crazy slip. That is probably the best thing you can do. That way we also would still have full control of everything we want.'**_

Lightning knew that was true, but she didn't know how to even approach the topic. Nor did she really want to relive those dreams. Dreams that if she was being honest just felt too real to be just some figment of her imagination, or any part of her being crazy enough to make that seem real.

Just knowing that if she couldn't say something she might just be in a worse position, Lightning just bit her lip as she took what was feeling like her final breath of the amount of leeway she was given. "I fell asleep... and it forced me to experience some of the realest nightmares I've ever felt..." Lightning croaked out. Just feeling so strange that she wasn't apologising any more. Even when she knew that she really had no choice but to talk about it. She just wanted to let Porom know how sorry she really was for hurting her. Hell Lightning just knew that she should punish herself if they won't for what she did to the nice girl who Lightning viewed closer to a sister at this point.

"What were the nightmares about?" Rosa asked softly, a little glad that she felt like she was finally making some sort of headway in this matter.

"It was one of the first days after Serah was taken back to our family after we were taken by Dysley... I tried to escape and was caught..." Lightning began as she could feel her throat close up from simply her not wanting to talk about the matter. She just wanted to forget that she ever had the dream. She didn't care where she was moved to. Just so long as she didn't need to relive that terrible nightmare.

' _ **Light, you need to tell them. Trust me, you may think you are cool with moving but you aren't. Those thoughts are just the tip of a very large iceberg that will sink us if prodded even slightly. Don't give them that chance.'**_

Not wanting to see on the other side of the glass again, at least not for a very long time, Lightning knew she had to persevere. For at least a little longer. "I was brought before Dysley... he sent his guards out... and then he tried to rape me. I was able to get a leg free which I used to kick him with all my strength... but it wasn't enough. He didn't stop either... instead he started to beat me until I couldn't see any more... I was bleeding, battered, my milk teeth were scattered... and none of that stopped him from..." Lightning said as she started to feel like she was breaking down once again when she could feel the soft hands of Yuna cupping the sides of her face.

"Light, it was a dream... stay here." Yuna said softly as she could see some tears starting to stream down Lightning face.

"It felt... so... real... like it has happened before." Lightning spoke softly as she could see some tears wanting to break free again from feeling someone being so close to her at this minute. "And that wasn't even the only stupid dream..." Lightning said as Yuna started to rub the tears the best she could as she could just feel Rosa talking a few steps back towards her seat.

"Okay. What was the other one about then? Let's move from that one." Yuna said already knowing that that could have been reason enough for her instinct to just take over.

Sniffling the best she could just so she could just compose herself enough as so she looked into Yuna's eyes and just seeing some comfort. "It was years later... the voice was weak... I broke out of the dog crate to get some fresh air and just away from the chemical fumes. I was on my way back..." Lightning started with her voice just cracking further as Yuna continued to just try and soothe her. "It was going to happen again with one of the soldiers... he left his knife unguarded... and I... and I..." Lightning continued as she could feel herself nearly breaking. Down once again when Rosa took over.

"Lightning, place your head between your knees again. I'm going to send some orderlies in, I need to talk to Yuna in private." Rosa said as she could see Lightning just nod her head causing Yuna to just shine her one last smile before she gently lowered the pink haired teen's head down as to make it easier on her.

Quickly walking towards the door, Rosa opened it as Yuna continued to stare at Lightning to make sure that she was in fact at least alright enough to be trusted for a while with just the orderlies and herself.

Glancing up, Yuna smiled at the sight of the two men and a woman walking into the room. "Your jobs right now, is just to watch her and make sure she doesn't harm herself." Rosa began loud enough so the entire room heard clearly what was meant to happen when she spoke up again. "Lightning, your job is to just take deep breaths. I don't want to have to give the order to sedate you, but I will if I think you aren't doing that one thing. It is for your best right now."

Happy that Lightning was going to be just fine for the length of time that Yuna wasn't going to be there with her. She knew that at this minute Lightning was just hoping that she could let everyone know she truly was sorry and that she hadn't wanted harm to befall the child.

Something that Yuna just knew was hopefully going to be more than enough to keep Lightning at least focused enough to not snap and harm someone. Herself included.

Taking a few steps out, of the room, Yuna smiled at the sight of Rosa just sighing to herself. Something that was at least a slightly better reaction than what she had expected when she walked into the room.

Looking at the closed door, Rosa just took a deep breath. "I didn't want to really reveal this, let alone with some story like that..." Rosa began calmly as she gave the area a quick glance as to make sure that there were no prying eyes or ears to what was happening. "I got a more in depth report of Lightning's medical records and some of the testimony of the team that found her... there is no doubt in my mind that she has been raped, and given her history with us I don't find it hard to believe that she has taken at least one life in self defence... the only thing that is bugging me, is why would those memories be repressed and then suddenly unrepressed and in such a chaotic manner... which would lead me to believe that we shouldn't do what Pandora did."

"We can't just leave this to fester Rosa. What if it happens again, but after she is released? Those are serious charges that technically we should be in the process of filing just to cover ourselves." Yuna started taking a deep breath to calm herself down. "I know Lightning didn't mean it. She has only been the aggressor once... and even then you can argue her need for food over road that... but I'm starting to think we bit off more than we could chew."

"I'm not going to give up on Lightning like that Yuna. And neither should you. Because from what I can tell, there is only one other psychiatrist that is going to be qualified enough to help Lightning. And that is Cecil." Rosa said with an almost offended look that her employee would suggest abandoning the patient in favour of drugging her into a stupor. "Don't abandon her right now Yuna. Pulling that rug will just do some major harm to her in the short and long run."

"I know... but... what if she harms anyone else? And we could have stopped it sooner... what if we actually end up doing more harm to her from this?" Yuna said as she felt a hand being delivered across her face making her just take a quick inhale before she looked back towards Rosa who had started to shake her hand as though it would make it feel better. Reaching up to rub her face carefully, Yuna took a deep breath as she spoke up again. "It actually felt like I needed that."

"You did." Rosa started as she could see Yuna just wanting to question her stance. "Yuna, you aren't in the business of predicting the future, or even patient safety. Your job has always been dealing with the damages of the past and present mind. Now tell me, with the present facts and knowledge of her past, would that seriously warrant you abandoning her for the likes of going to the east wing where she'll be drugged into child like state and built up from scratch with the odds of never getting out?"

"No... it does make me think we should probably consider checking back on her medication... and not sending patients up to get her so she doesn't go into a coma from low blood sugar." Yuna said softly as she removed her hand and glanced over her shoulder to look at the door longingly.

"Let's give her medication a few more days. They wouldn't have built up enough in a few days for us to notice any positive or negative effects." Rosa said as she gestured for Yuna to walk back towards the door. "But right now, we should probably bring Lightning down to the cafeteria now that we have all that and it will be empty. We'll both stay with her and the orderlies with her with the addition of Sazh to make sure she eats properly and fully... but we'll also need to increase a watch on her for a few days to make sure she doesn't harm herself." Rosa added as Yuna just nodded in agreement at plan.

"Before we go back in... how bad is Palom right now."

"Palom was sedated, but I'm going to give him a day time pass tomorrow and go with him to see Porom. They'll recover though, and I doubt that Porom is going to be hurt mentally... just physically. I'll even get her take on the incident myself." Rosa stated as Yuna just took a deep breath and smiled at her.

"Come on, we have more pressing matters."


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37:

Whistling softly as she started to walk down the halls, the red head had just had the same burning question of where her friends vanished to the previous night. Hence she supposed the early journey out of her room to go check.

Coming to a stop by the door, Vanille nearly jumped at the sight of the door violently swinging open to reveal a sullen Palom. She could almost feel the anger that was exuding off of him causing her to speak up.

"Palom, what is with you?" Vanille asked not wanting to scold the child because she knew Porom who had to be around the corner would do just that and would run less of a risk of getting her head bitten off by the boy when he was in a mood like he clearly was.

"I'm going to go demand a day pass." Palom said as he started to storm off a little causing Vanille wanting to just protect the boy from doing something stupid. Something that Vanille knew that would cause him to very possibly end up in solitary and she knew that there was no possible way that Porom was nearby because she would have talked sense into him long ago.

"Whoa!" Vanille yelled standing in front of the boy, placing hands calmly on his shoulder. "You can't go to Rosa and demand anything Palom. Especially a day pass. That will get you thr-"

"Porom is in the hospital and instead of going with her I got forced to stay. I want to be with my sister." Palom said as he met the emerald eyes and easily knocked her arms away as he continued to walk down the hallway with a sense of purpose that Vanille just knew was going to get him killed figuratively.

' _That would explain where those two vanished_ ' Vanille thought as she quickly followed after the boy once again. "Palom, I get that you want to be with her. But if you go up to Rosa like that you are going to be sedated and brought to solitary. You need to take a few seconds and just some deep breaths." Vanille said as she got in front of the boy once again, just trying to force him to breath and think everything through.

Snapping a little the boy grabbed Vanille's arms and nearly tossed her out of the way when a voice broke the duo apart. "Palom, come with me. We are going to go visit your sister." The voice of the blonde head broke through to them causing Palom to just smile and almost like his heart had a weight lifted from it. Something that Vanille knew was probably down to the fact that he would get to see his sister.

Taking a deep breath Vanille started to rub her wrists as she at least knew that Palom wasn't going to be skinned alive. ' _Well... that explains two... but what about Light?_ ' Vanille thought as she walked a few feet down when she could hear a statement that just seemed to bring more confusion to her.

"Is that pink haired bitch going to be punished for what she did to Porom?"

Just the knowledge that there would be about five people in the building that had a hair colour like that, Vanille just bit her lip knowing that if that ancient law of life was right, then that _pink haired bitch_ as Palom put it would be Lightning.

Turning on her heel a little, at the sight of the elevator doors closing causing Vanille to just frown because she couldn't ask for any sort of clarification. "Please tell me you didn't hurt Porom." Vanille spoke softly as she covered the short distance for the elevator pressed the call button.

She knew that Lightning at points had a seemingly short fuse, but she just couldn't imagine that Lightning would actually bring harm to anyone like Porom. Feeling like it was taking too long, Vanille quickly sprinted the short distance to the stairs and quickly ran up them so she could make sure from Lightning's own words that she never harmed Porom.

Opening the door to the floor in question carefully as to not shock anyone on the other side, Vanille just felt her frown double at the sound of something being thrown and shattering against a wall. She knew that the only person on this floor that would do such a thing.

Sprinting the short distance, Vanille opened the door to Lightning's room. The sight that Vanille was met with just made her stomach sink at the sight of the room being destroyed with the pink haired woman sitting in the corner of the room clutching the sides of her head with a distinctive red colouring the tips of her hair as well as her hands and arms. Something that Vanille just knew was blood.

Gulping a bit vocally, Vanille walked a few feet into the centre of the room as she spoke up. "Lightning... is everything alright." Vanille knew her voice was frail but that wasn't going to stop her from making sure her friend was alright.

"I didn't mean to hurt her." Lightning said softly as Vanille could feel her heart sink further as Lightning seemingly started to rock back and forth a little. Just causing Vanille some minor pain, It just inadvertently proved that it really was Lightning that had hurt Porom.

Walking over towards the medical help button, Vanille pushed it as she walked closer towards Lightning. "I understand you didn't mean to hurt her Light. And depending how it happened, I think Porom would already know that." Vanille said calmly as Lightning glared up at her.

"It isn't that!" Lightning yelled as Vanille could see some more tears in the woman's eyes start to flow. "I hurt her... even when I never wanted to. I broke her arm... and I couldn't do anything to stop myself..."

Vanille was left feeling unsure about being around Lightning really. She knew that this was probably the easiest way someone could make it seem like they meant what they said when they didn't, but she also knew that Lightning was genuinely a nice person until someone backed her into a figurative corner and she felt like there was no way out for her.

Jumping a little at the sound of the door opening again, Vanille quickly spun around to see a slightly sleep deprived Yuna walking in and shaking her head as she quickly covered the distance and getting between Vanille and Lightning as she crouched down a little. "Vanille, I'm sure you are curious. Just go out and get me Sazh." Yuna demanded as Vanille just nodded a little.

Hearing the frantic running, Yuna looked back at Lightning and just frowned at the raw knuckles that had been scrapped from punching something solid for so long they had started to bleed. Yuna could even see some fresh blood spilling as Lightning tried to fight the grip Yuna had.

"Lightning... can you look at me?" Yuna asked calmly as the pink haired woman began to look up. "I know you feel like this is the best way to go and make sure you don't hurt anyone else... but would this be the option that Porom would really want? What about Serah?" Yuna said as Lightning quickly looked down and just groaned as Yuna reached for one of the socks that had been flung from one of the shattered baskets and gently raised Lightning's head. "What would Serah say? Seeing you covered in your own blood."

"She'd agree after harming the nice girl." Lightning hissed as Yuna frowned at that single statement.

"From the conversations I've had, I find that hard to believe. She doesn't want you to be hurt Lightning. And if you truly didn't mean to hurt her... then she would forgive you." Yuna continued as Lightning started to fight the light hold Yuna had on her head.

Relenting as she dropped the sock close by, Yuna turned to see Sazh walking in and as if sensing what Yuna wanted quickly pressed the call button on the walkie talkie in his hands. "We need a cleaning crew on the fourth floor and Paine get up here as well." Sazh stated dryly as he walked a bit closer to Yuna who held her hand up.

"Lightning come on. let's go down to the medical wing." Yuna said as she gently lifted Lightning from the corner with some of the non blood soaked pieces of cloth she had on. Yuna enjoyed the fact that Lightning didn't seem like she was going to fight it. Something that Yuna knew the odds of her being able to overpower Lightning were slim to none. Stopping at the door, Yuna spoke up. "I want Paine to clean up all the blood and tell her to see me once that is done." Yuna stated as Sazh just nodded his head as he watched Yuna walk calmly towards the elevator.

* * *

Enjoying the soft sounds of Lightning sleeping, Yuna couldn't help but take a little comfort in the fact she had been so tired that she just crashed. It was something that made Yuna feel a lot better about how she had to leave Lightning for a bit to go inform Rosa about the situation.

Climbing a few steps into one of the nurses offices, Yuna took a seat by the phone as she started to dial Rosa's work phone which she knew was always on for cases like this. Pinching the phone between her head and her shoulder Yuna slide in the chair a little to just make sure Lightning was asleep.

" _Doctor Rosa Farrell speaking._ "

"Rosa, it is me. We had a slight issue. While there was a gap in the timing of a round, Lightning violently beat a wall till she was bleeding. They just seemed to be superficial injuries. But it seems like the cause is guilt. So please tell me Porom is fine." Yuna said as she moved back closer to the phone receiver just to make sure the phone didn't disconnect until she was done.

" _Porom is fine. She is shaken up, but she even said that it didn't seem like Lightning intentionally hit her. She was trying to wake Lightning up as she was seemingly having a nightmare. But how much blood did it look like she lost?_ " Rosa asked as Yuna slid over to the file that she had opened about Lightning being in the medical wing.

"Not enough to even warrant a transfusion. But it seemed like a lot from the way it was coating her hair and clothes... even her walls. I was calling you to fill you in. And to tell you that we should probably call the last person who Lightning accidentally harmed and did something similar and got her to finally accept that it was an accident." Yuna said as she took a deep breath and scooted back towards the phone receiver. "Because it seems like if we take our eyes off of her for a few minutes she'll try and harm herself and will only get more and more self destructive until she is talked down and convinced."

" _You probably should inform Lightning's mother about the incident, and inform her of what Lightning told us last night as it is a crucial part. Just be warned... she'll get a lot more emotional about it than any other parent who you've had to talk to and is just as skilled as Lightning in hiding her emotions._ " Rosa spoke as Yuna just frowned knowing that this probably was going to be a lot harder of a topic to approach, but she knew that it really did have to be done for everyone's safety.

"Okay, just I feel like you shouldn't inform Porom about how bad Lightning is taking it. But you should let her know that Lightning didn't intentionally harm her." Yuna spoke knowing that it felt a bit wrong for her to tell her senior and boss a correct course especially after her doubts coming to the surface just a matter of hours ago, but she felt like she had to.

" _I already know that Yuna, but you should really contact her family. I don't think we can afford to let this one sit and fester in her mind._ "

"I know... bye Rosa." Yuna said as she heard a quick response as she lowered the phone down. She was getting a little annoyed by the fact she has been up for going on thirty hours, but the more annoying factor was increased by the sight of one of the curtains starting to shake as though there was a person who quickly dived behind it to make sure they weren't caught. "I see you behind the curtain. Come out." Yuna demanded as she frowned at the sight of Vanille walking out looking at the ground with what Yuna just recognised as shame.

She was a little curious as to why Vanille was here, she already knew that the teen in question wouldn't be down here willingly. Doubly so because of how it was against the rules unless one of the doctors tell you to or are there with you.

As if sensing the question to come, Vanille spoke up. "I just wanted to make sure Light is okay... that was the first time I saw anyone tear into themselves, blatantly ignoring pain... because she caused some for someone else." Vanille knew that this was the first time since her deal with Rosa that she would have possibly just shot herself in the foot, but she just had to accept that.

"Lightning is fine. It just looked bad. She has no breaks, and didn't need extra blood. But you can't be here Vanille. Porom got injured while Lightning was asleep, and I need to inform Lightning's parents about this and discuss her case. So you need to go back. I won't punish you for this, but you really shouldn't come back in here unless prompted or injured." Yuna said soothingly as she could see Vanille just frown a little as she looked over towards the sleeping pink haired woman.

"Okay..." Vanille said softly as she turned around and started to walk down the long stretch of hallway. As though she was mad but understood why it was that she had to leave. Something that just made Yuna relax a lot more for the simple fact that she knew she wouldn't need to fight her.

Hearing the push of the button causing the doors to open, Yuna just bit her lip as she tried to figure out how Vanille got into the secure area. Especially given how it would require a key card to get into this area. ' _I should ask Sazh to just do a check down here later._ ' Yuna thought calmly as she turned around once she heard the click of the latch going into place.

Walking back into the area with the phone, Yuna just smiled fondly as she noticed Lightning just moving the pillow she had been laying on before pulling it down to hug it tightly to her chest. As though it was bringing her some comfort, just something that made Yuna relax knowing that Lightning was going to be asleep for a while longer.

* * *

"Snow, relax." Serah said as she shoved the man down once again so he was laying down on the couch quickly followed by her laying down on his chest, a smile on her face as she lifted his large right arm with ease before resting it over her waist.

Shifting a little so he could jump up at a moment's notice without injuring the much smaller woman, the blonde man just couldn't help but still feel the creepy amount of unease as Serah started to nuzzle into his chest like she was a cat.

"It is just your Dad is still pissed at me for some unknown reason... pretty sure he only liked me because Big Sis didn't. And your family has the kind of pull I won't be seen again." Snow complained as Serah rolled her eyes and quickly manhandled the older man's body into a better laying position.

"Few things. One, Claire will seriously kill you if you continue that. Two my Dad is away on some business. And three, I won't let him harm you. Unless you cheat on me with some whore." Serah said with a slight giggle in her voice as she could hear the phone ringing just causing her to smile as it was quickly answered.

Letting out a groan as she could see her mother entering the room and quickly gesturing for Snow and her to sit up. Something that Serah was starting to get mad at but she knew that her mother wasn't going to be there much longer.

Getting comfortable on Snow's lap. Serah could just see the colour from her mother draining as someone on the other end must have continued to talk. Just making Serah want to know more, but something in the back of her mind told her she shouldn't press for anything further just because she knew that it might possibly be about Lightning which would just bring the same sort of reaction if not worse.

Shaking her head the matriarch spoke up, "I'm sorry Doctor Yuna... this is just some big... terrifying news. But everyone is alright right?" Mary spoke as she bit her lip and just nodded her head along as though nothing was really going into her head but enough information was to just cause her colour blanch somehow more. "Yeah... sure she is here... just can you not mention that part?" Mary asked sparking Serah's curiosity more, even though she knew for sure it was about her sister.

Gulping a little as grabbed the phone her mother held out to her, Serah pressed it to the ear. "Serah speaking." Serah said with the years of practise that had been drilled into her.

" _Serah, this is Doctor Yuna... and it concerns your sister._ " Serah could hear the calm voice come over the other end just causing her to dread what it was about. " _She had an incident last night around dinner time where she accidentally broke another patient's arm. The situation was investigated and it seems like it was a genuine accident._ " The woman continued as Serah could at least feel some of her colour return, but she couldn't help but glance towards the arm that her sister had accidentally broke as well. " _But this is about her feeling guilt. When no one was looking she destroyed her room and beat a solid brick wall until she bleed and if a patient didn't walk past I have no doubt that she would have continued._ "

"I... I don't know." Serah said as she could feel like she had just earned her being the worst sister ever award. But that was the truth, she genuinely didn't know how she convinced her sister to get over it.

" _Serah, this is really important. Right now your sister is in the medical wing. If you can think of anything. Anything at all so we could help her._ " Serah just bit her lip at the tone. She knew that the woman was really trying to help her, but the fact remained that she really couldn't.

"I swear Yuna. I really didn't do anything besides just talk to her while I was in the cast and wouldn't let her shove me away until I got her to actually talk about what happened. Something that I do with her just about everything and anything... she just likes to fight that kind of thing so you need to kind of roll up your sleeves and be prepared to spend the next two plus hours." Serah said as she could hear a deep almost joyous inhale.

" _Thank you Serah. It at least gives us something to go off of. Can you please put your mother back on?_ "

"No wait... is the other patient alright?" Serah pleaded as she felt like she had to ask and get an answer on that front. She needed it really. Just so she could sleep a bit easier.

" _She is fine, she had to have surgery and should be discharged back into our care by dinner time. She is right now with her brother and the head of the institute that your mother met when you two visited. Now can you put your mother on?_ " Yuna said as Serah just smiled a little and handed the phone over to the older woman. It was as if a load really did vanish from her mind at the fact that she knew her sister still didn't seem to want to cause anyone pain if she could help it and she still had guilt when it was an accident.

"Everything alright with Big Sis?" Snow asked calmly as he brushed some of the pink bangs from Serah's face.

"I hope so..."


	38. Chapter 38

 

Chapter 38:

Frowning as she walked down the hallway, Vanille was feeling really deflated by how the entire day had seemed to just drag on painfully slow. Lightning hadn't been out of the medical wing to her knowledge, Palom and Porom had vanished and Hope was using that to seemingly galvanise his dislike of Lightning which Vanille still maintained was him being pig headed.

The red head still wasn't sure how Hope would maintain that stance despite the fact that it had been very clear that there was a deep clean happening in Lightning's room that day and countless repairs happening to the drywall of the room.

It had even spun several rumours ranging from Porom and Palom beating Lightning to just a huge fight broke out. Not that Vanille knew for certain what had happened, what she did know was that Lightning had willingly damaged herself and from what she could assume the holes were just from her testing which walls had been solid enough for her to beat against and cause the most damage possible.

Slumping into the cafeteria for dinner, Vanille grabbed the tray as she walked up to the purple haired man that had been behind the counter. "Is the woman who has rumours spreading about her and how she tossed Palom and Porom around not joining us for this meal as well?"

"She didn't toss the them around the room... but I don't know if she is or isn't coming down for the meal... last I knew she was still in the medical wing." Vanille said in a slight sulking tone as the man lowered the plate down onto the tray that Vanille had. She didn't particularly care what was for dinner, she just was going to be glad that she could eat something and hopefully put her mind to rest for a bit.

"I know that isn't what happened. Shockingly word of a situation like that does transfer pretty quickly from the orderlies there to the likes of the kitchen staff." The man said as Vanille just rolled her eyes.

"Passes quicker around the likes of us if you just know how to search out for the person before the rumours started." Vanille sulked a bit as the man just shook his head and quickly started to look around before he reached into the small refrigerator that had been at the front for the special deserts and quickly pulled out a wrapped item.

"Cheer up Vanille. I do suggest actually eating the ice cream sandwich first though. Otherwise it will melt and be nasty to try and eat." Caius spoke as Vanille just smiled at the man and said a quick thank you before she started to walk towards the main room. Just going to enjoy the fact that she could actually talk to someone even if it was going to be Hope.

Walking towards the teen Vanille took a seat down and just smiled as she reached towards the ice cream sandwich. As she opened it she could see the silver haired boy just looking at her carefully. "Come on Vanille, you have to admit now that she isn't safe to be around." Hope said as Vanille rolled her eyes and quickly took a bite from the treat in her hands as so she wouldn't say anything that would probably result into them fighting more. "She harmed our friends." Hope continued as Vanille took another bite from the treat knowing that she'd just would snap at someone.

As she shoved the last bite into her mouth as she could see the doors opening causing her to just smile brightly. Swallowing the mouthful Vanille turned back to Hope. "Well, clearly you're wrong about her harming the both of them because they both just walked in with Sazh behind them. And unlike you, I don't always believe the rumours. I know she did break Porom's arm but I also know it wasn't an intentional action and Lightning destroyed her own room and self to make sure it didn't happen again." Vanille said a little glad that she had all but won that argument despite not really contributing to any side.

She was just glad that her other friends had been back including Porom. Meaning that someone could finally put an end to all the rumours that had started and maybe even get her some information about Lightning if what she overheard was true. It would just make her feel a lot better about the situation.

At the very least she knew that Porom was at least better right now. Or at least for now she was going to be clearly fine enough to be back inside with everyone. A sign that was made clear by the sight of Palom walking out a smile on his face as he held two trays.

Quickly scanning the room causing the twins to quickly walk towards them with a slight skip in their steps, but Vanille could tell that Palom was still trying to find Lightning near them. Something that she knew was a factor but she was just glad at the sight of Palom and Porom taking the seats next to Hope and herself.

"Hey Porom, glad your back." Vanille said as Porom just turned to smile at her as she reached for the fork on the side of her tray.

"I'm just happy to be back... I heard though I'm the centre of the newest rumour with Lightning." Porom said as she glanced up and glared a little at her brother as though to stop him from saying something that was on his mind. "Yes Palom, she broke my arm but she didn't mean to hurt me. She was asleep and having a nightmare." Porom snapped as Palom rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Come on, even Rosa said that it wasn't an intentional action."

As Porom spoke Vanille quickly looked towards Hope and stuck her tongue out at the man. As far as she was concerned that had just proved her point twice over that if Lightning harmed anyone it would either be accidental or they backed her into a corner and she had no option but to lash out.

"So what new shit are you on?" Vanille asked as she looked at her friend who had started to look at the meal with a smile on her face.

"Apparently nothing but for some paracetamol... and only when I feel bad pain. I'm more curious about how Lightning is doing. I'm meant to talk to her after dinner in the medical wing because they were still cleaning her room." Porom asked calmly as she quickly shot a glare towards Hope and her brother as though she wasn't looking for their input because she knew already knew they would have a tainted view on the situation.

Pressing her lips into a thin line, Vanille took a deep breath and looked towards her food actually taking in what was once her favourite dinner. The spaghetti and meatballs just making her nudge it around on the plate.

"Vanille... how is she?" Porom continued as she noticed Vanille almost avoiding the topic.

Already knowing that Porom wasn't going to give up, Vanille just had to speak up and she knew she had to speak the truth even if though she didn't want to. "She tore up her room and beat her walls till she was bleeding because she hurt you. I mean I found her in the corner covered in blood. I didn't even know that you could punch something so hard you would get that much blood." Vanille already knew from the shift in the corner of her eyes of Porom looking down at the cast that wrapped around her arm. A thing that Vanille could just see as Porom herself taking the hit hard. But she also knew that it was a gentler hit than what she would take than if she had to pull it out of Vanille hard.

"She really didn't mean to hurt you Porom. That is the whole reason of her causing herself to bleed. From what Yuna has told me she really doesn't mean to cause anyone harm unless they are going to harm someone who she views as close to her and then she feels no remorse for what she does." Vanille said hoping that it would at least make Porom feel better about the situation.

Seeing the girl sulk, Vanille rested a hand on her back as she spoke up again. "You should probably eat up either way Porom. I don't think Lightning is that bad now... I'm just a bit sad myself because today was the day she normally reads to me from that one old book. Even though the book makes me mad from how the people in it are just like Cocoon born except for the protagonist despite the fact he gets very close to that level." Vanille said as she could see a hurt look on Hope's face. "Don't give me that look Hope. We both know Pulse born are nicer to be around and don't want to harm others. Why do you think Yuel and I both are here." Vanille continued as she could see the silver haired boy just roll his eyes at the comment.

"Not going to say anything." Hope said as though it would just allow him to win this argument before he said something else despite the fact that Vanille knew what it was going to be.

"Try it Hope. I just need to be good for a bit longer and part of that includes being a nark. And I would gladly report some bullying from you about how I can't read or write." Vanille said with a challenge as the boy held his hands up in defence.

"Not what I was going to say." Hope began as he was about to continue when he was stopped by a glare coming towards him from Porom. "I'm not going to start anything."

Nodding her head, Porom scooped up the last bite on her plate before placing it into her mouth just enjoying how she had been able to eat with her old her friends and her brother. Now she just had to wait for a few minutes for Sazh to come and get her so she could go talk to Lightning about what had happened.

She just hoped that the woman was going to listen when Porom said that she forgave Lightning for doing something that was probably at that second the natural reaction given her past. Hell Porom still was confident that Lightning hadn't a single bad bone in her body. Something that was made clear time and time again.

Just wanting to be out of the brewing feud Porom spoke up once more. "I'm going to go find Sazh. Want me to say anything to Light?" She already knew that she all but opened the floodgates with her brother and her friend, but she knew that she could just ignore that part.

"Nah. Just tell her it was boring today without her constantly talking to herself and I missed the reading she does." Vanille said knowing that the question was directed at her. As she smiled at the smaller girl walking away with the tray, Vanille just took a deep breath and decided that she should probably eat the rest of her meal if just so it would make her sleep a lot easier that night.

She just knew that Lightning and Porom really were going to be alright because she just knew they would be watched, and she knew Hope and Palom were just going to continue to sulk about Lightning for a while longer, which would do nothing more than assure her that they were in fact alright as is.

Quickly finishing her meal, Vanille picked up the plastic as she stared at the two boys. "I'll be in the rec room. You guys are welcome to join me... haven't kicked either of your butts in table tennis in a long time which just means that we should rectify that." Vanille said with a smile as she could see the glare in the silver boy's eyes.

"You cheated last time."

"You just suck at table tennis."

* * *

' _ **You know... I think we may actually be in the clear for hurting that one little snot... now if you can just get over the fact you hurt her, we can finally get on with our life.'**_

"I didn't want to hurt her though..." Lightning whispered as she hugged the pillow closer to her chest. She knew that the best case scenario right now would be if the voice just decided to unleash the floodgates which would then probably just let her be moved to a place where she couldn't hurt anyone but herself.

' _ **Maybe you won**_ _ **'**_ _ **t insult the work I do next time. Then I won't let the arguably tame crazy slip past me.'**_

"How can anyone argue that that was tame?" Lightning hissed near silently already knowing that someone was watching her. She wasn't sure who or even how long, but she could feel the eyes on her.

' _ **Because I know what else is up here. Now seriously just get over the fact you hurt the child. It literally isn't even within the first ten children you've injured... those belong to sister dearest and my nine separate children. I mean I had to explain to them what a fuck face was because that was what you were screaming when you were standing on their necks trying to snap it.'**_

"Just... shut up. I'm not in the mood to discuss how you can't have children. The fact remains if you wouldn't have shown me those stupid things I wouldn't have injured someone." Lightning continued to hiss as she pulled the pillow closer to herself, just trying to bury the side of her head into the pillow.

Smiling a little at the sound of the door opening because it probably meant that she was getting the final meal for the day unless her blood sugar suddenly drops, but she doubted that would happen. If just because she hadn't been able to work out today besides her destroying her room a little trying to find the wall that would do the most damage to her.

Hell even now, Lightning was still mad that she had to resort to the brick work by the window because the window had been toughened glass so even if she wanted to she couldn't use it to really dig into her arms.

Seeing the curtain shift a bit, Lightning almost jumped at the sight of the brown haired child with the plaster and fibreglass wrapped around her arm almost smiling at the sight of Lightning. Even though that alone boggled Lightning's mind. Why had she been happy to see the monster Lightning was. She almost wanted to the child to be angry at her, but she also couldn't bring herself to even yell at the child for the action she was deciding to take.

' _ **You don't think Serah told again right? Because this is oddly reminiscent of when you broke her arm... I think we might have even broken it in the same spot. Either way I don't care, it is win win. You'll either be told until you accept it that you didn't mean to hurt her. Or she'll learn you really are crazy and can snap at a seconds notice which will then probably make her try and stay away. At least we don't have to worry about that stupid look from Serah.'**_

Ignoring the tirade going against her, Lightning started to sit up in her bed and gestured for Porom to climb in as well just across from her. She just couldn't take herself seriously if she was meant to beg for forgiveness if she was sitting in a higher position than the person who she needed it from. Even if she knew it was a tactic her family had used in the past to get more wealth and power.

"What happened to you?" Porom asked as she took the seat and got comfortable. She almost didn't want to bring it up, but she knew she had to bring up the fact that Lightning still had bandages wrapped around her hands. She knew Vanille hadn't lied at that point, but she just wanted to know the truth about what Lightning had done.

"I didn't mean to hurt you..." Lightning whispered as she started to pull her knees to herself as she could see the child shake her head.

"I know you wouldn't mean to hurt me Light. You are too nice. The scary exterior may fool Hope... and to a lesser extent Palom who mostly is still stuck trying to baby me a little." Porom said with a smile as she used her uninjured hand to pull one of Lightning's closer. As though she was trying to stare through the cloth to find the answer to what she was looking for. "Seriously Light... what happened?"

"It is nothing." Lightning said pulling her hand back from Porom's as she slipped it and its counterpart between her chest and legs.

' _ **That's a good statement. I mean we are in the medical wing... you have bandages up to your elbows... but you're right. It is nothing. Clearly. What would people know? Etro I hope this kid is dumb as a sack of rocks.'**_

"Light, look around you... clearly it isn't _nothing_. I may be young but I'm not stupid."

' _ **Says the person who never thought about the simplest way to find out when she is getting out... you know... asking.'**_

Resisting the urge to just laugh at that single comment because she knew it would be so much harder to get the message across of how sorry she was, Lightning just took a sharp breath in before she started. "When I say it is nothing, I mean it doesn't matter. It was nothing but superficial."

She knew that her reasoning wasn't going to be one that would fly particularly well with a person who still believed in modesty was crucial to being loved, Lightning just knew that she had to make it a point that that was what mattered to her.

"It matters to me Light... I know you didn't mean to hurt me... I was just shaken up at the time. That is all." Porom stated something that Lightning knew it just had to be lies. There was no way this woman had already been able to forgive Lightning, especially when Lightning hadn't even had time to fully process what happened.

' _ **Come on Light, I know you aren't stupid. I'm telling you, the doctors told you, the little shit told you, Vanille told you. Just get over it. Especially considering my cookie levels are dangerously low. We need to get out of here.'**_


	39. Chapter 39

 

Chapter 39:

Feeling her stomach rumble once more, Lightning reached down and just clutched it lightly. She didn't want to seem rude at this moment, but she knew that she had to see this through to the end even if it meant that she might run the risk of getting violent shaking, memory issues and even a coma. It would be worth it given if she could get genuine absolution from the woman.

"Light, are you hungry?" Porom asked softly as Lightning pulled her knees closer to herself, just ignoring the pins and needles like feeling from her hands being crushed between her legs and chest. There was no way that she could even bring herself to letting her hands free knowing that she would have them snatched to be observed which would cause a hundred and one more questions that Lightning didn't want to answer let alone be asked, let alone be forced to answer.

"Nothing I can't handle. I've been starved before." Lightning began as she used what movement she hand and just bore down on the stomach she could get her hands on just to try and ignore the pains further. She knew that it had worked in the past before, the only issue right now is she had to just get Porom to accept her apology. "I'm still so sorry."

Shaking her head Porom lightly batted at Lightning's knees. "I don't blame you Light. It was an accident. They happen. And if you are hungry I'm sure if we ask Rosa or Yuna they'll let us move down to the cafeteria." Porom said as Lightning tried to shove herself back further just so she wouldn't cause anyone any more pain.

"No... there will still be people down there and I'll just hurt them." Lightning said as she started to shake her head as Porom rolled her eyes and stared at her.

"Lightning, you don't mean anything bad. Ever. Short of you falling asleep and someone coming to wake you up while you are having a nightmare." Porom said with a small joke as she could see Lightning relax a little and come out of the ball she had squeezed herself into. It was something that just made Porom at least smile at. She could at least see that Lightning was accepting the stance right now that it wasn't something that Lightning had control over.

Or at least that was what Porom knew everyone who was watching them had hoped. And it was something that to Porom she clearly knew that their hopes were well placed. A feat that in all the time Porom had been here that she had seldom seen everyone have the same faith about something except the person that it concerned. Even with the knowledge that there would be zero consequences for what had happened. A feat that was so rare that Porom had even doubted that Yuel had even seen which would spread so many more rumours about Lightning that would be impossible for her to explain.

"Come on. I remember you saying that you hate the feeling of hunger. Plus I couldn't really enjoy my dinner because Palom and Hope were being pig headed boys and not listening to reason." Porom said in a sullen tone that Lightning couldn't help but let out a single chuckle. "Well, at least you chuckle now." Porom added as she started to shift herself closer to the edge of the bed, the truth be told she was starting to feel a bit hungry herself, even if it was an excuse so she could take one of the pills because her arm was starting to hurt, but she knew how if she let out a scream or even a groan that it might hurt Lightning even more.

"No Porom, I'm fine. I may hate the feeling, but I can handle it..." Lightning countered, hoping that the child was going to accept that Lightning could wait longer before she had to fulfil that desire. Even if it had pained her and brought on the violent shakes, she knew deep down that she could go maybe another day before she had to eat. She knew for sure she had great experience with that.

' _ **Oh my god, I've been biting my tongue, but Light, come on baby. We should get something. Anything really. I know you may be getting angered by it, but honey would do us some good. I mean even Dysley gave us water to at least to tide us over. He called it something like the purge of toxins from our body. Which is a fancy way to say that he would either feed us poison to watch us suffer or give us food that is just naturally poisonous... or both.'**_

"Light, come on. It is probably just kitchen staff down there now... everything will be fine. I mean I trusted you when we talk... just trust me that you'll be fine." Porom said as she made one last push off the bed seeing Lightning just tensing up at that single fluid gesture as Porom bit her lip. Something that Lightning knew more than enough as a gesture someone would do to mask pain in front of someone. "Come on." The preteen spoke with a gesture of the rigid arm as Lightning just knew that she would have no choice.

The game of 'what if?' was one that Lightning was more than familiar with as one that would consume her being just because of what could happen on the girl's journey if she went by herself, especially now that Lightning had taken one of her limbs movements from her. It was the least Lightning could do.

As the duo walked further into the wing, Lightning at least smiled at the sight of the two doctors sitting behind a glass pain. It meant that she could at least maybe make someone see reason. She could go a bit longer without a simple meal. This was the punishment she really deserved in her eyes.

* * *

She knew that it was stupid to expect hot food. But at the same time she had to admit that it would have been a lot better to her. But she knew that it didn't ultimately matter. Porom was sitting across from her with a paper cup of some hot chocolate.

Lightning couldn't help but smile as she moved the plate that held the several cookies of Lightning's towards Porom. She couldn't help but enjoy the sight of the small girl picking up dramatically at the sight of the sugary treats.

"You're just like my sister..." Lightning said as she could see Porom quickly sliding one of the full cookies into her mouth causing slight distension of her cheeks. "Even when I hurt her too." Lightning said looking down at what remained of her food. It wasn't exactly looking like it would be enough but she didn't want to get stabbed in the hand repeatedly just so she could get back out. Or at least not yet.

The pain and suffering she would be in would be too short lived. She needed something that would last longer. If just because at least then she would feel right with how she had caused Porom a lot of pain.

"Do you want to talk about what happened to her? Like you don't talk much about her. I know at points I can't help but talk about Palom but I mean he does act protective over me, and I suppose I do the same." Porom said swallowing the mouthful ignoring the pain that filled her throat. She still remembered what Rosa said about how she had to get Lightning to open up a little bit.

"I was trying to break my arm and she caught me... I kind of blacked out there and came to shortly after I broke every window in my then new room tearing my arm up. Apparently when she shoved me something seemed to have taken over and I broke her arm... it was shortly after we got reunited as well... she claims to have forgiven me... but I still hurt her." Lightning muttered as she raised her free hand up to just look in the area she knew scars would develop from her just beating the wall that hard. She had thought that she actually broken her hand, but apparently all she did was strip the skin back deep enough to bleed.

"I can't speak for your sister... but I know you didn't mean to hurt me Light." Porom said with a smile as she lowered the hand Lightning had been staring at and slipping her undamaged hand over it. "Bhunivelze taught us that there is a difference between the potential and meaning to do something. You can potentially bring harm. But you didn't mean to harm me. Now for the rest of the teaching... I just need to forgive you for the action you took which you didn't mean. And I do."

Shaking her head a little, Lightning slid her hand free from being under the child's just so she can rest it in her lap. "All that is to me is a distinction without a difference. I can cause harm and I have. I hurt you and I hurt my sister." Lightning muttered softly as she nudge the empty tray away from her as her other hand quickly was placed by its counterpart as she'd just wait for Porom to get bored from this and hopefully by then Lightning would be able to go back to her room.

' _ **You forgot to include me. You hurt me... and I suppose the fact you didn't include yourself will raise some questions. But hey, you want to play me in minesweeper?'**_

"We don't count... and you can't play someone in minesweeper." Lightning whispered as she could at least feel a little glad that Porom hadn't seemed to mind, even if she was talking to herself. Something that just boggled Lightning's mind still.

' _ **Two major things Light. One, you totally can play people in minesweeper. How else do you think there are minesweeper tournaments. Two, despite how happy you aren't ignoring me like you tend to do... you seriously need to stop speaking out loud. You following my logic here?'**_

"Just shut up." Lightning said once she was sure there would be no continuation of a retort. She just wanted to get this night over with and possibly just go back to her room. Once she could go back to her room she could at least vent to the voice constantly.

Smiling at Lightning, Porom pushed the plate of cookies back towards Lightning just so she wouldn't need to be stabbed repeatedly so her blood sugar and hunger would be sated long enough that it wouldn't be much of an issue for the night.

Seeing the slight apprehension in Lightning's expression Porom just shined her the smile she had. "Light, they are meant for you... and this may just be because I'm twelve... but I find them not sweet enough to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for you offering... but you should still eat them."

Biting her lip as she raised one of her hands carefully up and towards the baked good, just waiting for the trap to spring around her hand at any moment and she would be stuck there, but she supposed if Porom tried to hold her down she would just let it happen.

Quickly snatching one of the cookies, Lightning quickly took a bite from it as she just enjoyed the fact that she wasn't going to have any issues it would seem about hunger that night if she was meant to eat what she just knew was going to be a dense food.

"Light... you need to really forgive yourself for what happened. I know you are still trying to find a way out... but if you do anything can you promise me that you'll do that one thing?" Porom pleaded as Lightning just shoved what remained of the cookie into her mouth.

"It isn't that easy Porom..." Lightning muttered as she grabbed one of the extra cookies and took a small nibble.

"Sure it is."

' _ **She is right. It really is that easy. You just need to accept that you are a monster that can harm people if you just so much as have a bad dream.'**_

"It was more than just a bad dream." Lightning muttered as she rested her head on the table as she could hear an almost injured animal sound from Porom as she knew that there was going to be something that probably just would open up so many more questions, but she couldn't let some part of her claim that was only a bad dream. "It felt far too real." Lightning continued as she raised the cookie so she could take another nibble out of it.

She had no idea why she was still here, if just because she wanted to be in her room, she wanted to be far away from the everyone just so she wouldn't run the risk of harming people. Something that she knew was a possibility given everything it would seem like a far more likely one provided her history.

"Do you want to talk about it Lightning? I know that helps me when I have nightmares. No matter how real they feel." Porom said with a smile as she restrained herself from patting Lightning therapeutically as one would do if a person was in pain like this. If just because deep down Porom feared what would happen once again.

' _ **What is with every girl you break the arm of becoming so nosey about what goes on in here. Because it is cramp enough in here without anyone else. Namely you, me, your ego, my ego and all those other crazy thoughts which thankfully are now locked away again. Next to your repressed thoughts of moogles and chocobos being breed.'**_

"No. I don't want to relive them again... it was more than a normal nightmare. I've had them and in reality those don't even get me looking at them a second time because of what I saw when I was young." Lightning said as she looked up to meet Porom's gaze. Her chin just resting carefully on the table as she could see the inquisitive look in her eyes.

' _ **You make it sound like people being killed in front of us is so bad. Or even close to the times when the lunch chef for your family made us a peanut butter and jelly sandwich... with crusts... and cut horizontally.'**_

Lightning heard as she just took a deep breath ignoring the false equation of what a person's life was worth that she had no doubt that it was meant just to get a reaction out of her, one that Lightning refused to give.

"Light, things in this place have a way of coming out. Even when you don't want them to. Especially the longer things are in your past. I just want to help you. You thus far have always helped me... even when I felt like my world was crumbling even as recently as yesterday." Porom said with a confidence that Lightning hadn't seen in her before. Normally whenever Lightning had seen Porom she had seen nothing but someone being a little timid and afraid that she was going to harm someone either physically or mentally.

' _ **You do know she isn't going to stop until she gets something right? She is like a hunting dog like that. Jaws just lock and now nothing is going to get her off short of you telling her something or we stay up past her bedtime. And we can't really do the bedtime route because that is hours away and you are getting a little cranky because you haven't been able to properly workout today... besides punching walls.'**_

"Just shut up..." Lightning muttered as she hoped that Porom wouldn't assume it was about her, but Lightning could admit that she could see why someone would think it was about them if she tried to think about it really. "And Porom... I'm fine with you being concerned. But it wasn't something that a twelve year old would be able to understand. Hell I doubt even Rosa or Yuna would understand..."

"I saw my parents get murdered in front of me and was about to be killed had the police not come in time... so try me."

' _ **Damn... you tried to throw her off and she just stays latched on. Impressive.'**_

Taking a sharp inhale hoping that she could at least shut one of the voices she heard up. She didn't care if it was the one in her head or from the girl sitting across from her. As long as one of them stopped, she would be thankful.

* * *

Walking into the room, the blonde doctor just took a deep breath as she bent down and grabbed one of the books that had been left on the pink haired patient's bed. She could see there was some serious superficial damage and knew at least it would have been a lot worse when Yuna had found it.

Flicking to the first page, Rosa just smiled at the near childish writing, clearly showing the age just from how she knew that the writer couldn't have been older than four. It was a little amusing to her as she figured that this would be a pretty effective way into the recesses of Lightning's mind but she knew that if she tried to do anything with it, then she would just destroy everything in the process which is something she was not trying to do.

"Isn't that kind of an invasion of privacy?" Rosa heard asked as she closed the journal carefully as she turned to face the blonde man she had married.

"I looked at the logs... she destroyed her room and tried to destroy her hands in the span of three minutes. It took about eight stitches across both hands and she still has full movement much to her clear chagrin... all because she harmed one person." Rosa said as she walked towards Cecil who just took a step in to look around the room.

He had to admit that it was a little alarming at the speed at which she did the single thing but he also knew what people could do if it meant they would be able to punish themselves.

"I'll admit from the brief time we talked she is an interesting case... I'd even enjoy a longer one, but that can wait. You need your rest. Come on. Let the on call staff deal with her."

"Okay."


	40. Chapter 40

 

Chapter 40:

"How are your hands?" Porom asked softly as Lightning took a seat at the table, a little glad that Palom had at least clearly accepted her being there albeit under slight duress from his sister demanding they go over to her.

It was something that Lightning knew happened and hoped that it wasn't meant to be some big secret confrontation because it seemed quite loud and was in what passed as a public setting in the place they were.

Hearing the question Lightning stopped eating her meal and quickly slid her hands away from her tray and onto her lap. She was a little glad that someone had pulled the plug on them talking last night, which meant that Lightning was allowed back into her room which was just great to her.

' _ **Come on Light. Fuck them. I want food. You want food. That is why we came so fucking early. So we could avoid this awkward thing, and here you are being a consistent bitch and denying us food.'**_

Ignoring the chiding the voice in her head was trying to give her, Lightning just took a deep breath as she spoke up "They're fine. Nothing I haven't felt before. The swelling has even all but vanished. How is your arm?" She knew that it was going to come across as her not really being interested, but in truth, Lightning really was. She wanted to know if there was anything else she should be sorry about when it came to Porom.

"It feels fine unless someone hits it. And I mean it isn't all that bad... it does work out as a plus in some circumstances. I get more garden time because I can't do arts and craft so that is always fun. I like spending time in the garden. It is so relaxing." Porom said with a smile as she started to use the side of her fork to cut into the waffles that were on her plate.

Looking down into her bowl of oatmeal, Lightning just frowned as it was clear that she wasn't going to really be able to eat it while it was hot and she knew how bad oatmeal got once it goes cold. Namely in how it would become closer to what mortar was inside the walls that Lightning had just proven how solid it was.

Glancing towards the woman again, Porom was about to speak when she could see Vanille walking slowly into the room, with a slight downtrodden look that suddenly picked up at the sight of Lightning. Before anyone could make a comment, Vanille had ran across the room and quickly wrapped Lightning in a hug.

' _ **Snap Light. Bash the fucking bitch's head in! They are in our zone!'**_

Ignoring directly what the voice had said, Lightning pried one of the arms from the surprise hugger and just twisted the arm of the person around so their knuckles were pressing against the base of the attacker's shoulder blade.

She wasn't sure why her actions were so fluid, or so instinctive, but once she recognise the person Lightning shoved the redhead forward as she gasped. It was almost like her body had something against her.

"I'm so sorry Vanille." Lightning said as she debated if it would be worth it to try and break her arms. Then she definitely couldn't harm the people she was meant to be 'friends' with. It was something that was just pissing her off that she couldn't seem to defend herself in any regard from it.

Turning around rubbing her shoulder, Vanille just frowned at the look in Lightning's features. "It's fine Lightning. I forgot you don't like people touching you on any terms but your own. I'm just happy to see you... you know... not covered in your blood." Vanille said looking down a little bashful that Lightning had taken all the blame for her action and was feeling terrible about what she had done.

It was something that was actually really surprising to Vanille just because she hadn't seen it all that often with people, especially inside a place like this. But she supposed though it was also in tune with Lightning's character that she had witnessed time and time again. A woman who didn't really want to harm people no matter the situation, it just always seemed to happen.

Something that at least always made Vanille feel so much better about the time she would spend with Lightning. She was always just so pure in her intentions that it made Vanille just feel better about spending time with Lightning.

' _ **Maybe you should have snapped her arm. Then she wouldn't forget... but I suppose that would be a hard thing for them to see as an accident. But I don't mind going into a padded room if you don't. We can be all alone again.'**_

Biting her lip as she placed her hands back onto her lap, Lightning just wanted this all to go away. Or at least the people so she wouldn't be able to eat without someone bringing up her bandaged hands. Or maybe even eat in peace. Which was what she was really hoping for. Just some silence being alone which is what she really deserved. Not all these second chances people seemed to be giving her.

"Right, I'm going to go and try and see if I can get some waffles... oatmeal is so boring." Vanille said with a smile as she seemed to skip towards the line as Lightning just raised her hand a little just to rub her stomach.

She wished that there was something that could just give her the time she wanted by herself right now. Especially after she had just hurt two people in nearly as many days. And they both kept claiming the same thing. She wasn't sure if there was a mass hysteria, or what, but she knew that there had to be something that was causing both people to think this kind of thing was actually a forgivable defence.

Looking back down at her bowl, Lightning just took a deep breath before she felt a frown overtake her features at the feeling of eyes on her from all angles. She knew what it was about and it was just making her stomach sink a lot faster.

It was starting to grate on her nerves. She just wanted to be away from this all. Something she could never seem to do. No matter how much she wanted to just run back to her room she knew that she would need to stay and eat her breakfast or they would come drag her back. She effectively had dug her own grave by wanting to avoid this thing.

That same gut wrenching feeling of how she was now the attention of something she didn't want and she couldn't leave and be by herself.

' _ **I'm telling you Light. If you want to be free from people all we have to really do is pop a few people in the face and we can be placed in solitary. But I suppose then we'd lose doggo rights, which would have me pissed.'**_

"I don't want to hurt people." Lightning muttered as she continued to stare at the bowl. Just feeling her gut sink because she wanted to so desperately to just finish the meal and run but she knew that wasn't an option available to her.

' _ **What about Dysley? What if he was alive and here and there would be no consequences? If that hypothetical fails what about father dearest? What if you could just go wild on his face and no one would be the wiser?'**_

"They don't count and you know that." Lightning hissed to herself as she felt a tray being dropped next to her followed by the almost excitable redhead next to her. She could feel the hand closest to her stomach just ball up slightly out of needing to control herself but at the same time to just stop her hunger from getting the better of her.

Once the rest were able to leave she would feel so much better. Because then she'd be able to eat in at least a little bit of peace and quiet. She could deal with the eyes on her. It was something she was practically trained in from a young age to just accept the eyes of the world were seemingly on her and her family.

"You know, even in here all this talking to yourself isn't that healthy... nor is starving yourself. You should probably eat the oatmeal. Otherwise it is going to get crunchy and hard as a brick... could probably lob it at Hope who is still being a bitch and it might make him less of one." Vanille said as she started to spin around in her seat as though she was trying to find the boy in question.

"It's the only way most of the time to get the stupid voice to shut up." Lightning continued to mutter as she glanced towards the red head who hadn't seemed to have a care in the world.

"That seems like something you should probably talk to Yuna or Rosa about... either way you should still eat your breakfast." Vanille said with a slight smile as she took a deep breath and looked towards Lightning. "I mean if this is about your hands being covered in bandages that isn't all that new. I mean I've had my entire forearms covered in them. So I don't care... doubt Palom cares. He is still fighting between watching you figuratively bend me over backwards while I was hugging you thinking it was cool, and the fact he is still mad at you... and Porom is just going to be worried about you being alright."

"I'm fine. Just like how I'm fine waiting until you all are done before I get back to eating."

' _ **At least that is what you want them to believe. That is what you want the whole world to believe. That Lightning Farron is fine and able to die on every hill that comes into view. Welp, I'm typically not one to tell you you cant and in fact do enjoy instigating it. But we are hungry. Just eat.'**_

Looking back at the bowl, Lightning frowned internally at the sight of how she could see it starting to dry out in a near comedic fashion. Something that was making her loath the fact that she knew the voice was right. But she also knew that she couldn't let it think that.

"It's fine... just shut up." Lightning hissed as she took a deep breath and contemplated if she wanted to just take the chance and be dragged back. Maybe even by then the rest would be done and she would feel a lot better about the entire situation. Hell it wouldn't even be that bad of a thing really just because then she would be able to eat in true peace without needing to swallow the rage she was feeling from the eyes still being on her.

' _ **You say it is fine. But you forget, you can't lie to me. I'm too far into your subconscious. Just like how deep down you probably know when I'm lying. So I suppose logically we should cut it out, but I enjoy the dance we have. So I think it is my turn to lie. You are totally secure in your beliefs that you don't need these people and that you don't want to harm people.'**_

"I am and I don't respectively... and I wish you would just shut up." Light hissed a little as she felt a hand pulling her head gently towards the side making her stare into the emerald eyes of the redhead. She wasn't sure why but there was something calming about the determination seemingly in those eyes.

"Light, if you ignore it, it will get a lot better and you can eat. I know what it looks like when someone is waiting for everyone else to eat before them. The person who might as well be my older sister did the exact same thing when we were growing up."

Forcing her gaze away from the woman, Lightning could almost feel herself wanting to accept the comfort but she knew she couldn't. If she did that she wouldn't truly be absolved. She had only done heinous things. That was the only way she could really describe it. She had brought harm to those that had never meant her the same malice as her father or even Dysley.

They had constantly had only meant her the best and had never even given her anything close to a reason that would warrant the aggression she had shown them. She felt like all she deserved was their anger in return for her unprovoked anger.

"Light, listen to me. I don't know much about people, especially Cocoon born. But what I do know is everyone is slave to instincts and when they are in an uncomfortable situation they don't have control. This is not the kind of thing you should starve yourself over. Just eat the oatmeal now... it will make you feel a lot better. It is what your body needs to heal the damage you caused as well as so you can get back to your own sister. So can you just do that now?" Vanille asked softly as though she was dealing with an injured animal again, smiling a little at the sight of Lightning glancing back at her bowl with a slight hunger in her eyes.

A hunger that Vanille had recognised from the many times she had seen in Fang's when they were left with just two bite and Vanille had been still a little hungry for then Fang to just give her the remaining bites. Something that had pained Vanille a little but she knew now was different from all the way back then.

"No one is going to look different at you Lightning. We are all broken here, and even a number have done things they've never meant to and have caused other people harm. You should just eat now. Especially seeing as you would normally eat five plus bowls. So just take a few deep breaths and go back to eating. You also probably shouldn't respond to the voice in your head as vocally as you have but eating takes priority. Something I know I can help with."

' _ **See Light? Everyone but you is in agreement. This is not the hill you should die on. Maybe lose a limb or two... possibly an eye... maybe a few teeth. But not die.'**_

The way the voice just talk in such a caring manner was something that was a little worrying to Lightning. But she also knew that for some reason, that whenever Vanille seemed to talk to her that everything made a lot more sense. Something that in all regards she would love to know why just because it would make any future reasoning easier, but she did know as of right now Vanille always made so much sense that it was truly alarming. Somehow this one woman knew how to calm down any storm in her mind better than Lightning herself. If Lightning was being honest it was an annoyance and a half that she couldn't even figure out that simple thing herself.

"It's fine Vanille." Lightning said as Vanille continued to try and stare through Lightning's eyes. Something that was hurting Vanille a little from how the woman seemed to be fighting her when it came to this one matter.

"It is only fine if you are going to eat Lightning." Vanille said as she could almost see the look in Lightning's face collapse at the notion that this clearly wasn't a fight that she could win by simply ignoring the problem until it just went away. Something that just made Vanille just feel a lot better about the subject.

"Fine. If it will get you off my back." Lightning spat lightly that Vanille just knew wasn't from malice. It was purely from her having a minor issue in how she lost this staring match. Something that Vanille just knew from her interactions with Fang that it must have been an older sibling's standard reaction to getting called out about a matter like this.

Letting go of Lightning's face she just smiled at the sight of Lightning starting to shovel a few spoons worth into her mouth as though she was just trying to get rid of the constant demanding that they didn't care about her hands, but in truth they really didn't. Something that Vanille from personal experience.

Feeling happy that she had done a decent job in getting Lightning to at least tackle the one problem, Vanille turned back to the twins and just smiled at them. She was glad that they had seemed to have accepted what had happened between her and Lightning. As though they were just glad that someone had been able to reach her calmly.

"So, you were saying Palom." Vanille said calmly as she went back to her waffles, glad that she was able to get Lightning to eat instead of talking to herself in what seemed to be a constant losing battle. Something that did just make everyone feel a lot better, and Vanille did know she would need to talk to Yuna about it.

Even if she didn't want to be that person, she would have to be if she wanted to follow the rules and by extension keep Fang near her. Even if it felt like it was betraying Lightning, Vanille just knew that she had no choice. All she had to do right now was pray that Lightning wouldn't give her a real reason to tell Yuna on her. Especially seeing as she only has a few more days left to make it until she is in the clear with Rosa and her visitation rights are in the clear.

"I was saying that I might hate her for hurting Porom... it really was still cool how in a second she was able to get out of the hug and pinned you. Wish I knew how to do that. It would make it a lot better when Porom hugs me when her arm is better." Palom said as Porom lightly smacked the boy's shoulder.

"Both of you stop that." Vanille scolded as the duo quickly turned back to their food and seemingly enjoying it as she looked towards Lightning once again and she could almost feel her heart seemingly do some strange flips. She wasn't sure what it was about, but just the way Lightning was eating and her seeing the bandaged hands just made Vanille a little down trodden.


	41. Chapter 41

 

Chapter 41:

Feeling unsure about why she was here, the red headed woman just bit her lip knowing that she would need to push through this. She just had to keep telling herself that this was for Fang. She had to keep Fang's visitations if she was meant to live throughout her stay here.

Balling her hand up, Vanille started to knock against the sturdy security door, just hoping a little that Yuna was busy or even off that day. Or even she was coming in late. That would be just so perfect to Vanille because then it would mean she clearly tried but couldn't do any more.

Something that was clearly against her as she could see the door open to reveal a shocked brunette psychiatrist standing there. Something that was going to be even more strange in the doctor's eyes as Vanille walked into the room a bit.

"Is everything alright Vanille? Normally you don't willingly seek me out unless someone catches you attempting to kill yourself and you are trying to prevent any sort of punishment before it gets to me or Rosa. And I haven't had anything of the traditional contacts come across my desk like would normally happen." Yuna said as Vanille just walked further towards the centre of the room.

"Yeah. Everything for me is fine... and I can't believe I'm doing this... but it is a rule I need to follow if I want to continue spending time with Fang or even calling her." Vanille said softly as she wrapped her arms around herself. Something that was making Yuna all the more worried about what had driven the woman to her.

"Is this something I should call Sazh down here to be present? Or Rosa? Or any other staff members?" Yuna asked softly as she walked over to flick on the light that was outside so people would know she is busy right now.

Wincing a little as she continued to pace around the room as though she was trying to formulate her thoughts into something clearer than what they had been. "No. It isn't anything like that. I just need to nark on Lightning's mental health and I don't want to be that type of friend... but it is a stupid rule and I don't want to lose Fang." Vanille said as Yuna breathed at small sigh of relief as she walked over towards Vanille and gestured towards the seat she normally took. "No I don't want to sit! I'm betraying a friend!" Vanille yelled as Yuna smiled at least at that single thing that was considered normal.

"Vanille. I get this is a touchy thing for you. You don't like betraying people. Even though this really isn't the same thing as that... we can stay here as long as you need though regardless. But if you think it is about Lightning's mental health the sooner you tell me the better. If it makes you feel better it won't get to Lightning that you told me." Yuna said as she took a seat down just to let Vanille pace as she tried to figure this whole thing out from her perspective. Something that Yuna knew she couldn't force, but wish a little that she could actually force her to see that this wasn't really a betrayal but her trying to help Lightning from herself.

* * *

' _ **You know... pretty sure the crazy redhead that has a thing against me for some reason was meant to be in some of those things we just got done doing. Not that I'm complaining. I do enjoy the lack of a challenge to my throne.'**_

"I have something against you. And would gladly see you disposed if it didn't mean even slightly that I would have to deal with those nightmares again." Lightning muttered as she laid down on her side to just take some deep breaths. The wall to the door she was meant to be in next just seemed to be what she really needed or even wanted to just make sure that the comments would just end. She didn't care how.

' _ **Isn't that why we are here? So you can steal my throne from me? Et tu Light.'**_

Just deciding to ignore the voice as much as she could, Lightning closed her eyes as she just focused on breathing. If she was being honest it was becoming an annoyance to her that this was the seemingly only way that she was going to be able to get time to think by herself. She missed the days that her dreams would get her just time away from the annoyance that was rooted seemingly deeply in her mind.

Instead now all she could do was lay on the ground and just focusing on her breathing. Even if it did always seem to make her a little sleepy during. Hell she wasn't even sure if that was an intentional tactic from the voice or even something to just annoy her.

"Lightning? Are you awake?" Lightning heard causing her to open her eyes to see the blonde doctor walking towards her. Hands just behind her back as she came to a stop in front of Lightning. As though she was waiting for a response.

"Yeah... I was just..." Lightning began before stopping as though she wasn't sure how it would make her seem. She knew that this woman wasn't even close to the type that would mock or even insult Lightning from the state she was in, but she also knew that people always seemed to have a way to surprise her and cause her nothing but pain for no other reason besides jollies. The only reason she didn't seem to want to just let Rosa's mind to fill in the gaps was from what Yuna had told her. "I was just trying to ignore what the voice was saying... something that is becoming harder and harder to do since I started taking those damn pills."

Sighing a little, Rosa just smiled at the pink haired woman who was thankfully starting to sit up now. As though she was going to get ready and just run at a seconds notice. Something that Rosa knew was something that the woman always seemed to need to do anything.

"Light, I understand you think the pills are bad. But we do need to give them all time to get integrated into your system. If we knew if this was from schizophrenia or any other reason auditory hallucinations happen it would be easier. But sadly we don't have that luxury. So we need to wait unless there is an immediate threat to your health." Rosa said as she took a step backwards as she could see Lightning just chewing her lip as though it would reveal something or even anything at this point about the situation. "Either way, we are welcome to discuss this in my office. I came down to get you anyway. Yuna is in there with a patient and they are discussing something important so you will have me for two hours today straight."

Wondering a little what would be so important for someone to take up all this time with Yuna but she supposed that it would be something of the sort of someone getting out or something. Even if she did kind of want someone to get that single thing if for no other reason besides to give some of the people hope that they could eventually get out of the place.

It didn't really matter to Lightning as she stood up and just took a deep breath as she started to crack her back as to just get ready to do whatever gimmick Rosa had devised that was meant to get her to talk and open up. Something that would be impressive if for the simple fact that Lightning had yet to see it work. But she still always seemed to willingly go along with Rosa's crazy antics. She supposed it was a lot better than one of the few people her parents had hired in the past that were just happy to work on slash with a Farron and didn't really care about her.

"So I suppose you are already annoyed by this one question, but I feel like I should ask you regardless. How are you feeling about the incident." Rosa asked as they walked into the elevator. A small smile gracing her lips as she could see Lightning almost hugging one of the walls as Rosa just pushed the button to get up to her floor.

"Mad..." Lightning muttered as Rosa turned to her as though she was questioning what she meant. Something that was a curious reaction to something she was so repentant of, just to have some more questions raised from the simple fact of that one statement. "I shouldn't be forgiven that easily... I hurt someone that was totally innocent and had only ever shown me kindness. But not only have I been forgiven she is showing concern for me." Lightning muttered as Rosa could see the bandages still wrapped tightly around Lightning's hands as though she hadn't even been curious as to the damage she had done to herself.

Smiling a little at the sight of the doors opening, Rosa gestured for Lightning to walk out as she was quick to fall into pace next to her. "Porom and to a lesser extent Palom aren't exactly the types of people that react with scorn. Even when that would be the healthy reaction. They tend to not want other people to be away from them so they accept faults and anger... everything that is directed at them until someone tries to harm one or the other. Then you'd get to see their nasty side." Rosa said as she opened her door and enjoyed the sight of Lightning quickly running towards the seat she always occupied.

It was almost as if Lightning wasn't in the seat at that exact minute she would lose it for some unknown reason to Rosa, but she supposed that this was important to her and she was just going to need to accept the quirk. "And judging from Palom earlier, you have already seen what I mean. But don't take it to heart. He hates all roses because last year Porom had pricked her thumb in the garden. And Porom isn't much better. The thing is..." Rosa began as she walked over to the clipboard that was resting on her desk. Picking it up, she quickly flicked a few pages ahead as though she was trying to find the answer to something.

Shaking her head as she turned around and took a seat, Rosa just smiled as Lightning continued to clearly think to herself in what she knew was bound to be trying sort out some sort of logic. "As I was saying, the thing is what you are seeing with Palom is purely reactionary. Even in their young age they seem to understand the difference between a reactionary gesture and one with intent behind it. Which is why Porom forgave you, and why no matter how paradoxical it would seem to you why she is concerned about you." Rosa said as she could see Lightning slump as though that hadn't been the answer she had been looking for.

"That doesn't make sense. I hurt myself intentionally... and at the very least my body reacted and hurt her so a part of me wanted it to be intentionally." Lightning said as Rosa just leaned back in her chair and slid the pen out from the small loop of fabric as she started to write down.

"Let me put it to you this way Lightning... how would you feel if your sister in a similar way hurt you and then as you were getting treated she decided to harm herself by beating a wall till she was coated in her own blood." Rosa said as she could see Lightning looking up as though she was even more confused by the comments.

"Serah wouldn't... she doesn't even have it in her to harm a fly." Lightning said pulling her legs in tighter to herself as she let her arms rest between her chest and her legs. Something that Rosa could just guess was from her being a little bit ashamed of it even though she never seemed like the type that would typically be ashamed of any of her actions if she felt like they were right. Even if it was something that was only a little right to her.

"Let's play a game of hypotheticals then. Hypothetically what if Serah had harmed you, and while you were getting patched up she hypothetically beat a wall until she was bleeding and had to have her own hands patched up, room repaired and all because she hurt you." Rosa said as she could see Lightning just looking down as though the answer wasn't something apparent to them both.

' _ **Go on Light. Tell me should we paint the study some warm colour or should we just wallpaper it... I suppose if we wallpaper the study we could paint the billiards room an earthy colour. Maybe olive to go with my new table... oh by the way you should probably answer her question. We can circle back to colours... I still need to talk to the missus about this.'**_

Slumping a little, Lightning took a deep breath as she looked at the doctor once again. "I'd forgive Serah and be furious she'd hurt herself. I'm not sure what... but I just have this gut feeling that I've done terrible things just to survive. Just like my family has always seemed to be able to do... but I shouldn't be forgiven for any reason. I mean those dreams felt so real... I felt the knife digging into the man's throat as he tried to fight it. I felt the strain from dragging him away into what was my hiding hole for fresh air..." Lightning spoke as Rosa let her face fall into a far more stoic one as if to not let on what she was thinking.

' _ **Come on Light. Are you still on about that? I mean think about it, I would let you know if something like that happened because it would screw with you. And you do seem to think I thrive off of that. Now serious talk, do we go with paint or wallpaper... because I feel like we should get over this hump before we move onto flooring.'**_

"What makes you say that? Not to doubt you, but I've seen nothing of you that seems like you would willingly harm anyone that isn't in some form of self defence. That is unless it is to yourself which is a whole different thing that we can easily cover once we get to that point. Getting to it might be hard though." Rosa said as she quickly wrote something down as she waited patiently for Lightning respond. Something that she knew could take anywhere from a few seconds to seemingly a few hours.

* * *

Breathing slowly on the hot liquid in her hands, Yuna just continued to wait for Vanille to speak up. She was a little glad that she had been able to get the red haired woman to mention that Lightning had been arguing with herself. Something that Yuna had already witnessed countless times before but she was a little worried about how frequent they were coming if what Vanille told her was the unfettered truth.

Now however there was a lot larger of a thing she had to overcome, and that was Vanille feeling like she had done something wrong. It wasn't even a case of the reasoning was lost on Yuna, she did understand how much Vanille enjoyed when she was around people and could help them herself, but when she was forced to tell someone else about the person's shortcomings in any regard it just always felt like a knife in the back to her.

"I shouldn't have told." Vanille muttered as she slumped down in the seat. She had somehow exhausted what energy she had causing her to just want to curl up and go sleep the rest of the day away. At least that was something she knew that would let her not hurt any more of her friends.

"But you should have Vanille. That is something Lightning would normally keep as quiet about as she could. And while Lightning does like to move at her own pace, she also does need the occasional jostle in the right direction." Yuna began as she took a small sip from her mug as she lowered it once again before she continued. "I mean how would you feel if it was Fang instead of Lightning? If it was Fang arguing with herself and losing? Would you still feel this same regret for telling someone?"

Feeling a little insulted by the doctor's comparison, Vanille wanted to rebuke at it as she started to lay down against the couch as she just took a deep breath. After a few minutes, Vanille started to actually think on what Yuna said.

Shaking her head Vanille just stared back up at Yuna. "Fang wouldn't lose. She is strong... even when she tries to hide her emotions from me. Like when she saw me away here." Vanille said trying to defend the woman as Yuna just took another drink.

"Lightning's sister says things in the same vein. I know I do with Tidus and even Lulu. But if I was being honest with myself as well as you, if Tidus or Lulu were, I'd tell someone and then wouldn't feel bad. Even strong people need help."

"Then why does it hurt so much?" Vanille asked as Yuna just was overjoyed at being able to chip away long enough to get to something closer to what she'd need to feel fine with leaving the girl to her own vices.

"Because it harms our perception of the people who at any point seem strong and that nothing is going to be able to stop them. Even they need help, the difference is they aren't going to ask for it or even search it out. Which is why the rule exists... we are all strong to someone for any number of reasons. But no one wants to be the person to say they need help."

"It still hurts though..." Vanille said as she started to form a small ball as Yuna just continued to examine the woman.

"And it will. But it also will hurt less than if you didn't tell me and Lightning ended up needing to be transferred or worse, Lightning had brought harm to herself and with malice brought harm to others and possibly even kills herself."

"It still hurts."


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42:

' _ **Okay. So I think the wife and I have established that we are painting the study an eggshell cream type colour, then wallpapering the billiards room in something resembling felt... going to get bamboo flooring for the study and carpet the billiards...'**_

Groaning a little at the continuation of something that frankly Lightning was already getting tired of, but for now she was getting ready to just enjoy the time she had away from all of the annoyances that came with her recently. But for now she could at least enjoy the small corner she found in the library that was only big enough for one person to sit comfortably.

The small hide away was just perfect to the pink haired woman. It was small enough to where she could sit comfortably while at the same time she would be able to just enjoy the book she had and not to mention that it was already going to be hard for anyone to find her. It was just the perfect place for Lightning to have everything she was looking for because her room was becoming a place people would just crowd when they were looking for her or another person who was seemingly constantly around her.

"Why must you always do this? Whenever I think life is going better than it has in the past... you always seem to find a way to sully my mood." Lightning asked softly as to not disturb the peace of the room just to satiate her own curiosity. But at the very least she knew that she was going to be in a relatively fine situation because she had the bonus of being in the hiding hole she had discovered.

' _ **I feel like I should include you in these discussions, but in my defence Light... with our past anything seems like it is looking up. We could be struck by a meteorite in the face causing you to lose control of your bowels in front of people and you stumble backwards landing on a guy's penis... and that would still be us looking up from the past.'**_

"That is... an... oddly specific example." Light whispered as she turned the page, enjoying the sound of the paper falling over onto itself as she continued to read the words. Just wondering what would be the thing that would break this tranquillity. Would it be dinner or would it be something like Vanille or Porom finding her which would be in itself an accomplishment because of how long it took Lightning to find this spot.

' _ **I have plenty of time up here to think. And depending on the situation create a family just to rile you up a little... or play pool... or ping pong... or bust out the whips to keep the crazy well and truly at bay for a few more days... sometimes I invite some of your insecurities up here and I hustle them... you would not believe how much Freud would love to dissect you up here. My favourite is your compulsive need to get daddy's approval.'**_

"I've literally no idea what you are talking about. I loath his existence and if he was holding onto the edge of a cliff and I was the only person that could help, I'd grab a chair and watch as he sweats and recite off all the messages he had and gave to Dysley for not wanting me back." Lightning continued to mutter as she continued to read the pages like she didn't already know what happened in the story. It just felt so compelling for her to continue reading because if she was being honest, it was still a good story.

' _ **Sure... I'm just blowing smoke up your ass. There is no part of you no matter how small that just wants your father to just acknowledge that you exist and say that he loves you with genuine sincerity. Nope... none of that in here.'**_

Just shaking her head a little not wanting to give the voice any more attention if that was how it was going to use what Lightning gave her. It was just going to be a lot easier for her to just ignore this now instead of pulling the pin on that figurative hand grenade.

Instead she was going to just get cozy all over again and continue to read the book she had between her hands. She didn't care how the voice would try and spin it, she was going to just enjoy the book she had.

' _ **Hey... is that they one red head that has been missing all day walking in with the doc? Oooohhhh looks like today is going to be interesting after all. Say how long do you think we are keeping the good doctor up? By my count we are on like day four.'**_

Lowering the book, Lightning began to scan the room for the two people the voice somehow noticed that Lightning was just going to question later. Right now there was a slightly bigger thing that she would need to wonder. Namely because Vanille had made it clear time and time again that she wasn't a fan of the staff and she just seemingly let Yuna walk alongside her as if there was nothing major going on. And Lightning would be lying if she said she wasn't curious if she wasn't at least a little curious about where Vanille had been that entire day.

Gulping a little as she could see Vanille looking around as though she was trying to find Lightning, but she was glad that she could see Yuna walking over to some other people and quickly leaving the room with the person.

' _ **Well shit... guess I was wrong about her. I was positive she would have told on our arguments at breakfast. Well I guess today is going to be so much more boring than I had previously thought it would be. Nothing we can do about that. Get back to reading.'**_

Shaking her head a little, Lightning closed the book over and took a deep breath as she started to debate if it would be worth it to just go up and talk to Vanille as so she wouldn't find the hiding hole. Something that once was found she wouldn't exactly be able to stay there ever again if she just wanted some peace and quiet. But if Vanille couldn't find it, it would mean she would have came out and lose what she had.

Biting her lip Lightning started to crawl out from the small alcove and started to stand up, just popping her back with an enjoying sound. Just something that brought her a little bit of joy from being able to stretch once again after being so comfortable.

' _ **The hell do you think you're doing? Go back in and get back to reading. Don't come out. She is so freaking needy. Like all the time it is either a her problem or she wants to continue to suffocate us... or shut me up... none of which I appreciate.'**_

"Think about it... we do this now, and not risk her finding us and forever destroy the place. Or we get her off our back this time." Lightning said softly as she could feel a small bit of calmness from being able to finally shut the voice up with logic that would work better for the both of them in the long run. Something that was a seldom done feat.

' _ **Doesn't mean it doesn't suck. Way I see it, it is an all or nothing thing. We should run that risk now.'**_

Ignoring the tirade the voice was going on, Lightning walked over towards the shelf she had taken the book from she laughed a little at the sight of the red head quickly walking towards her side to practically lay flat against the shelf just so she could look at the pink haired woman with a smile on her face.

"Sorry I've been gone most of the day... I had a small slip and contemplated self harm and because it is a stupid rule and I don't want my visitation rights removed... I had to talk to a doctor and I just went for who I thought was the best one for the situation..." Vanille lied as Lightning just smiled a little as she let her fingertips rest on the spine for a moment or two longer. She just wished that she could have finished it.

Sensing that Lightning was pondering something, Vanille just had to say something to at least not make Lightning feel bad. "To be clear it had nothing to do with you... I just always get down around this time of year because Fang makes a trip down to our old home village to look after the chocobos who are entering hatching season soon and that has always been my favourite time and I'm stuck here... being away from some of the animals I helped raise from their own hatching... and I'm stuck here again... away from the animals that I love and the grounds that I grew up with..." Vanille said continuing the lie that she knew was becoming closer and closer to the truth that would just lead her down a bad path and would involve her trying to find a way to burn her arms again without the metal radiator pipes sticking up from the flooring that she had used in the past.

"It is fine Vanille. All I've been doing is the normal routine... and then reading... a little bit of arguing with myself." Lightning said with a frown as she looked towards Vanille wondering why something seemingly as so trivial was enough to set a woman down on a path of self destruction. It just seemed so mundane that it really was confusing her. "But it is a load off from the voice who had apparently wanted you to tell Yuna about us fighting. Something about how that would make the day  _fun_. I however just think it wants more conflict where I'd think it is right." Lightning continued as she could see Vanille tense up a little as though she had just been told something before she relaxed all over again.

' _ **Okay Light, I don't need conflict on the outside for you to think I'm right. I mean excluding the you being a bitch about it, I proved I was right by simply letting two crazy thoughts out. I have enough up here to prove me right forever. But me thinks the day may just be fun... if not a future day...'**_

"Not even going to question that right now." Lightning muttered as she turned fully towards Vanille. "So do you want to go back to my room so we can finish reading the book? Or would you rather we get another one and save the last five chapters?" Lightning asked as Vanille quickly pouted at her for something that didn't really make sense to her.

"Why would you offer something like that... I need to know what happens. You can't just jump to a different story. Even at the orphanage and some people were like that and hated stories being told in full would still hear the first one out and then if there was time ask for the start of the next story." Vanille said making her stance clear that Lightning just laughed internally at. Something Lightning just smiled at as she knew that at least Vanille was willing to hear the story out in full.

Gesturing towards the door, Lightning smiled as Vanille started to skip towards the door as if she was going to enjoy the story regardless of what was going to happen. "What did you mean by the way by if today isn't fun for you a future one will be?" Lightning asked softly as she started to follow after Vanille.

' _ **Nothing that you should be worried about Light. Just playing some tri-d chess here. Did you know your urge to crawl back inside Mommy is surprisingly good at it?'**_

"I don't have some urge for that. At this point I'm confident you are making it up just to get a reaction." Lightning hissed as she walked out of the library enjoying the sight of Vanille standing there with a raised eyebrow. Something that Lightning was positive was from what she had kept hissing to herself. "Nothing that should be worried about Vanille. Just the voice once again trying to get a rise out of me."

' _ **If I was trying to do that, I'd be wearing a school girl uniform... or cheerleading outfit... or that weird outfit you constantly dream me in. I mean do you have some sort of Gothic Lolita fetish?'**_

"I don't have any sort of fetish... you are the one that claims you know all about me." Lightning hissed back as she felt a small shove down some alcove followed by two soft hands being placed holding onto her head, forcing her to stare into the green eyes. The small anger she was feeling was quickly masked by the sight of the concerned eyes staring back at her. "I'll give you that one shove..." Lightning said as she raised her hands up to Vanille's wrists.

"Light, even in here it isn't a good sign to be talking to yourself. Especially when it looks like you are in an argument with yourself. The voice only has as much power as you give it."

' _ **Oh... I think she is trying to fill your head with that old adage again. But I think I've proved my point when you broke... pick a name's arm. I hold back the dark and full blown crazy thoughts that you wouldn't be able to stand. So listen to me this time. Just act like you accept it, go back to your room so you can read to that illiterate bitch that thinks she knows everything that is going on up here.'**_

Gently moving the woman's hands down from her head laughing internally at how Vanille seemed to just accept the gesture and allowed her hands to be moved. Something that was at least a minor win to Lightning. "It isn't that easy Vanille. Trust me. let's just go read... that will keep the voice silent and we both meanwhile can benefit from just a nice story being told to us."

Not that the idea wasn't an appealing one to Vanille, she just wished that it wasn't going to be something that Lightning would regret deeply if she continued down the path. Vanille did know that Yuna would have to have heard even some of it. She just hoped that Lightning would be willing to talk about it when it came to needing to explain it.

"Fine..." Vanille said as Lightning let go of her wrists to just gently slide her fingers in between Vanille's for whatever reason. Lightning wasn't sure why she was, but she figured that it was probably just a way to make sure that Vanille didn't run off and just go into her room without her possibly going through her items. The sky was the limit given the girl's penchant for skipping off and Lightning's desire to just enjoy the walk anywhere.

' _ **Okay first, not what I meant. And two just bump doughnuts already. Pretty sure you are so far in the closet that you've found a magical kingdom.'**_

Biting her lip as to not bite back a response that she knew would make Vanille question her further, despite how much Lightning want to she knew that in the long run that right now this was going to be a lot easier to do than to just have her medication changed and she might even have a full blown black out then from an allergic reaction.

* * *

Yawning into her hand as she walked into Rosa's office, Yuna could feel the bags under her eyes begging that she get some actual sleep, but she also knew that she needed to tell Rosa about the state Lightning may be in according to Vanille who was probably the closest person to Lightning. Not to mention the small hisses towards herself that she heard in the library when she went to get her next patient as to keep the day moving forward. She could at least tell now that this was a rather interesting day.

"So what was up with Vanille? Not that I didn't enjoy two hours with Light, it was actually kind of nice to pick her brain. At least to me, she just spent most of it doing a few puzzles I had." Rosa asked as she could see Yuna walking over to one of the chairs just across from her boss and quickly took a seat as she yawned once more into her hand as she used her other to hold up a finger as though she was gesturing that she wanted to speak just wouldn't right now out of politeness.

"Vanille was having a panic attack due to the fact she had to tell me that Lightning has been having long arguments with the voice and apparently has been on the losing side more than once. Something I can confer with her as I overheard some of one such argument as I went to get Yuel for our talk as she was the next one." Yuna spoke once she was positive that she wasn't going to yawn again. Just hoping that Tidus would hurry up so she could go home and get a decent rest for a day off.

"That is a little worrisome. More so depending on the topic of argument. But not the end of the world. You should know that. It just means we need to get Sazh to increase the number of orderlies going around." Rosa said as she could see Yuna just take one last moment to yawn.

"It sounded like it was about chess. As for what Vanille heard and even what Palom and Porom heard because they've apparently heard some of the arguments so you might need to talk to them about that. But I was just informing you about that. I need to get a decent night's sleep that isn't going to happen here." Yuna said as she stood up with another yawn as she looked at her boss.

"Go. You deserve it. Just come back in two days with a fresh head." Rosa said with a smile as she could see Yuna enjoy the simple statement.

"Thanks."


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43:

"I'm asking you Light, if you want we could totally just go to see the movie series they are binging here... it is a lot better than you going out in the rain. And possibly getting sick." Vanille said as she started to walk over to the bed as she just watched intently at the sight of Lightning continuing to do the routine that she had gotten used to seeing.

A routine that Vanille was very happy to watch intently as Lightning just seemed to accept that she was here. Something that she wasn't sure why she was so happy at the sight of it, but she just was. It wasn't even a case of her wanting to rock the boat. She was more than happy to watch this.

Frowning a little Lightning just rested flat against the floor for a few seconds as she took a deep breath before lifting herself up again. "That is probably the one thing that has never happened to me. I've never been sick. Not even a runny nose. Even if I did, the medical wing seemed like it is well stocked enough to cure any sort of cold." Lightning said as she started to push up so she was sitting on her knees.

As she placed a hand back down she just quickly got into a position as she lowered herself she could see Vanille laying down on her bed staring at the ceiling almost. "But I also don't mind the rain. It makes running a lot more relaxing. Especially when it is closer to misting than rain pelting down like it is right now. So I don't see any reason staying in."

' _ **Might make your cold icy heart even colder and harder... so I'm all for this. Maybe we'll get the bubonic plague... that would be fun. Or the less fun tuberculosis.'**_

"I've been vaccinated for one recently, and the other I can only contract from a rat or a flea who was previously on a rat biting me. Neither by the way I could catch from just being out in the rain." Lightning said softly as she just smiled at the sight of Vanille sitting up as though she was about to question it but decided against it as she just moved back towards the edge of the bed. A smile as she stood up.

"So ignoring the obvious questions, we should probably go get some breakfast." Vanille said as she walked towards the radiator with her arms crossed behind her back. Spinning around she could see Light pushing off the ground again. Vanille knew that she was just using Light's room, but she felt the need to do this. It was the only punishment that she really deserved for telling on Light, but she knew that this would be the easiest place to do it, it just so happened that she was going to be using Light again.

"I wouldn't venture much closer to those pipes... they're hot... stupid old designs." Lightning said causing Vanille to jump. As Vanille could feel her heart pick up as she could see Lightning shifting herself around as she stood up with a sharp pop. Spinning around she could see Vanille just taking a few defensive steps backwards.

"How did you..." Vanille asked as she felt the heat on her forearms. A comfortable heat as she could see Lightning just grabbing her leg behind her giving it a sharp pull.

"What passes as a mirror. But seriously you may want to take a few steps away from that. Burns aren't a pleasant feeling." Lightning stated as she quickly switched what leg she was holding onto. A little concern for what Vanille was doing just because she didn't want the woman to be harmed.

Or at least didn't her to be harmed while she was in Light's room. Especially so close to another incident where someone was injured in her room.

Letting go of her leg as she could see Vanille take a final step backwards. Biting her lip hoping that she could at least get a little bit of a burn. She had to ignore the feeling of of Light's strong hands almost forcibly removing her from the pipes. The look of concern on her face was something that was a thing that confused Vanille as they walked over towards the bed once again.

Forcing Vanille to sit down, Lightning just was glad at the sight of Vanille presenting her arms to her as though it was an instinctual response. Something that just made Lightning even more worried about the woman.

"Why would you do that Vanille?" Lightning asked as she brushed the sleeves up Vanille's slender arms noticing properly the bandages covering the length of her arms. "And what is with all of these?" Lightning asked calmly as she stared up into Vanille's eyes.

"Same reason as what you just stopped me doing before I could get any more damage." Vanille said as she pulled her arms back and started to fix the sleeves she had. "Everyone is here for a reason Light... but promise me you aren't going to tell the staff Light. As you can imagine they aren't fond about this kind of thing." Vanille said as she grabbed Lightning's hands and quickly pulled her up. A smile being present as she could see the confusion on Light's face.

' _ **Damn... the bitch is clearly crazy... I think I actually like her now. I can see why you want to touch her butt now... just cop a feel while you can.'**_

Shaking her head a little Lightning just spoke up, "Why would you harm yourself like that? Burns are a nightmare to heal and can get infected super easily." Lightning knew the hissing tone wasn't going to be the one that Vanille would respond to in any positive manner, but she still had to let the woman know how much she was against this. Even if it meant that she would be destroying a friendship.

As the smile seemed to become slightly more genuine Lightning at least felt a small bit relieved. "Some people cut, others bite... I just happen to have an affinity for burning myself. As for the healing process, I do get these changed frequently. Just please don't tell them about this time... I can't afford for them to find out. It wasn't even long so I probably don't have any new injuries." Vanille said with a slight laugh that Lightning just continued to stare at the woman. "Light... please... just for two days... that is all I'm asking... after that I'll have my visitation rights secured with Fang and then they are meant to be changed and some more antibacterial cream applied... so everything will be fine."

' _ **Damn... that bitch really is coo coo bananas. Go on... touch her butt. If I had control I would totally would... I'd do it so long that our hands would fuse with that ample tushie would be part of our hand... maybe we should bite it to mark it as our property... that is how it works with humans right?'**_

Shaking her head Lightning just continued to keep a straight face as she took a deep breath. "I wasn't going to Vanille. Because frankly I knew it wasn't going to be long enough to damage your arms. I'm just worried. What made you do that?" Lightning asked as she pulled back to just stare at the woman. As if that would contain the answer she was looking for.

"Are you positive that you aren't going to tell?" Vanille asked with a calm expression. As she noticed the look in Lightning's expression it just spoke enough for her to respond. "I've just been going through things mentally... and some of which I can't exactly talk about... hence why I ended up here with a suicide watch... which has happened a few times. Not as fun as you think... lost the right to even have a door. Because did you know they can actually remove them easily... just need to be on the inside. And there is someone sitting at the far end off the hall all the time just waiting. As some narks every couple of minutes passby." Vanille said with a slight laugh as she just took some deep breaths.

"Is it because of me?" Lightning asked before she took a breath and looked away as she balled up her fist as she debated if she barely restrained herself from punching the wall she knew was solid. As she just spoke up again. "I'm sorry if it is Vanille... but you can talk. If not to me then to any of the psychiatrists. I'm sure they would enjoy talking to you about it." Lightning continued as she quickly turned back towards Vanille.

' _ **Aw... do you want to touch the cute butt too? I kind of wish we were back in the eighteen hundreds so you could touch all the cute butts in this place and not get in trouble. I mean we do come from money... and influence... we could probably burn this place down with no ill effects right now... in case you ever get bored.'**_

Laughing a little, Vanille just grabbed Light's arm and gave it a light tug down towards her. "Light, not everything is about you. And the thing with depression is sometimes even when you do talk about it, it doesn't help... I mean I had a near break down yesterday talking with Yuna and one of the many reasons why I do it did come up... and the antidepressants I'm on are mostly hit and miss... I just happen to have had a few too many miss days recently. Which is just bad luck really... I mean they work nine out of ten times." Vanille lied as she could see Lightning just smiled faintly at her.

"Why would you take them if there is a ten percent chance they won't work?" Lightning asked trying to understand the reasoning behind it as Vanille just pressed her lips into a thin line.

"Besides of course I have to to keep my visitation rights? They are the best option really for them... when I don't take them it really is mostly miss days... like swap the ratios... leaning if anything more towards miss... trust me these demons are a lot easier to get a lid on compared to yours." Vanille said standing up just giving Lightning's balled up fist a gentle squeeze. "Now come on... can we get food? Just pretend this never happened? Just... a few days of pretend... that is all I'm asking here Light." Vanille continued to plead as Lightning unballed her fist to just hold onto Vanille's hand.

She could feel some comfort in the small, but a lot softer hand compared to her own... something that confused her profusely as to why it brought her that comfort. She didn't even really like the girl. "I was going to anyway Vanille. It is just a small load off my mind that I'm not inadvertently the cause of it..."

' _ **I'm starting to think this girl would be terrible at poker... see if she can beat a pair of twos... because I've got a new addition to my sweet pad riding on this. I'm thinking a sauna is what I need up here... get your fear of naked people up here as well.'**_

Shaking her head, Lightning just didn't want to seemingly pile onto the woman. Especially because she didn't want to see this woman to get hurt further. Especially if she was the one to do it herself. But she could at least see why Serah would stop her at points but none of that really mattered because she also knew that if it made sense for the person it probably did.

At least that was her experience with it. But she also knew that Serah was very emotional over the petty things that happened in her life. None of which really made sense to Lightning, but she also knew her sister was trying to 'protect' her.

"Have you noticed whenever the voice says something you think is stupid you shake your head like that?" Vanille asked as they walked out of the room, she was glad that Lightning had continued to hold her hand, she didn't know why it felt as good as it did but she was just happy it did make her feel good.

"I've been told... but what else am I meant to do when it is asking a stupid question about poker and redecorating its  _house_  inside my head? Apparently it wants to build a sauna onto it." Lightning asked as she closed her door, just a smile on her face as she could feel Vanille tug her lightly towards the stairs. Something that made Lightning just enjoy the time with the girl.

"Point taken. I don't know how I would respond to that... is that seriously what most of your arguments with it are about?" Vanille asked worried that she may have made a mountain out of a molehill and possibly even get Lightning punished for something so foolish.

"Not really... just it so happens that today thus far that has been what the bulk of it has been about." Lightning said with a smile as she could feel Vanille try and tug her towards the elevator where the pink haired teen could see a bunch of people grouping up. Giving Vanille a light tug towards the stairs, Lightning just smiled at the pouting look on the woman's face. It was almost as if she hadn't wanted to climb down the few flights to get to the cafeteria.

' _ **Well, at least you didn't tell her about the pair of twos... maybe you should just tell her about how you want to touch peoples... namely her butt. I mean is it necessary to continue to hold onto her hand for this long because it is seeming kind of gay. Like really gay. Like really really really gay.'**_

Biting her lip Lightning just took a deep breath as her and Vanille were walking down a few stairs. She was a little glad that they were a little alone at the moment. Just because it made her feel good to be away from some of the people. "What is your point?" Lightning hissed as she could see Vanille looking back at her with a raised eyebrow. One that was clear to her what it meant as Lightning just rolled her eyes at her as if to signify that it wasn't an important thing.

' _ **No point. I like it. At least it is one of the many mysteries about us answered... now if you could just figure out why you have the compulsive self sacrificing need... I mean I know why, but I don't want you to cheat and get the answers early. That wouldn't be the right thing to do.'**_

Shaking her head again Lightning just continued to walk down the last flight of stairs. It was almost like Vanille had sensed that she wasn't in the mood to talk about it which just made her all that much more thankful. It wasn't even a case that she was uncomfortable. She just didn't feel like it was right to tell Vanille about it right now.

"So what's with the wanting to constantly take the stairs? Afraid people are going to bite you? Because honestly with some of rumours going around about you, most people don't even want to look at you for fear of what you could do." Vanille said as she slipped her hand free from Lightning's feeling her heart sink a little as she skipped over towards the door before flinging it open with a wide smile on her face.

"I don't care about the rumours. I just seriously don't do crowds too well. I can barely stand waiting in line to get food and even then I can barely stand being with the group to eat... and even then I can't stand it when people walk up on me or touch me when I'm not expecting it... as I'm sure you are well aware of it from yesterday's breakfast situation." Lightning said as Vanille just laughed a little as she reached up and started to rub her shoulder a little. "Your shoulder isn't sore is it? Because if it is I could give you a shoulder rub... according to my sister I can actually give pretty decent ones." Lightning said as she could see Vanille just smile at her like that had been the best news to her the entire day.

"I'd like that... but I'd also would just like to just eat right now... I'm super hungry. You'd think they would actually feed us enough... but I mean in their defence... I did eat like four bowls of pudding and none of the actual food... was good pudding though." Vanille said with a smile as Lightning just smiled back.

"I don't know about that... I only had a spoonful before I nearly gagged. I'm getting tired of eating sweet things though. The muscle spasms are starting to seem like a better thing." Lightning said as she could see Vanille just smiling an almost devious smile that Lightning did recognise from all the time Serah has forced her to be around that it was a devious smile. Or at least what was meant to be devious but Lightning didn't particularly care about.

Which if her history was anything to go off of, it just made people further confused when to her it just made so much sense. "Van, I don't care. You know I freely give that stuff away if you ask. I'm just not a sweet eating person right now... probably won't be for a long time the more and more I need to practically drink as you so playfully called it bee vomit."

"That's what honey is! There is one way out of any bee and it is the same is the same hole that takes stuff in. Ergo bee vomit. Not my fault you Cocoon born don't know where foods come from." Vanille pouted as Lightning just shook her head and walked into place at the line just behind the red head.

' _ **Crazy and smart... Light, I've decided that we must have her.'**_


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44:

Straddling the woman's chest, Lightning just smiled as she bent down and gently started to dig her thumbs into the shoulder muscles. Hearing a loud groan from under her, Lightning just had to laugh a little as Vanille just seemed to fall into a comfortable setting.

"Dear goddess... how the hell are you good at this and so many other things? It isn't natural." Vanille moaned out as Lightning shook her head as she continued to bear down on the tense muscles that Lightning couldn't help but take some minor solace in the fact that she was at least glad that she was making amends for what she caused.

"I did sports for a long time... and had muscle strain frequently when I was with Dysley... so I learned to soothe my muscles without drugs..." Lightning said as she could see Vanille's eyes close as she groaned out in enjoyment. Something that just caused a slight laugh in Lightning. "Plus, again I used to give my sister them like all the time because she likes to avoid stretching before she starts to practice swimming or running. Even before a tournament she would still refuse it."

' _ **I mean you say it like it isn't a common thing. What isn't common is that you would do it with your topless sister with hot oils... that is super weird. Especially given your family history. But I mean at least you have this super hot unrelated girl under you right now... try and cop a boob. Those puppies look so perky... I bet she doesn't even need a bra.'**_

Shaking her head a little, Lightning just turned back towards the issue at hand enjoying the way that she was at least bringing some comfort to Vanille. A feat that just made her feel a lot better for what she did. Groaning happily Vanille just felt like she should enjoy this situation even better.

"I'm sorry still by the way for what I did to you..." Lightning whispered as she laughed a little at the sound of an extra groan coming from Vanille.

"I was fine until this... but just remind me to surprise hug you more if I can get more of these. It is so great." Vanille spoke with a smile as she enjoyed feeling Lightning's hands slide down her back further. A smile just growing as she could feel the same calming and muscle relaxing gesture to be just so perfect that she didn't want it to be ruined.

' _ **Yup... nothing between her girls and your bed besides her top... which you could totally convince her to take off. Just need to say it will make the contact feel so much better. Or you can continue playing ignorant of you wanting to get between those two orbs of happiness and just motorboat them. And touch her butt... just grab it like it is a tree in a hurricane.'**_

Shaking her head again Lightning just smiled as she climbed off of Vanille who let out the first pleasure lacking groan as she rolled onto her back to just stare at Lightning who started to crawl further into the bed.

Shifting a little to stare at Lightning, Vanille took stock and wasn't sure what was happening. "I was joking Light. I wouldn't do that... intentionally at least." Vanille said softly as she could see Lightning taking a deep breath. One that she knew was clearly down to her trying to maintain some sort of composure, that she knew was a little bit of a joke to her but she also knew that there was no real reason to not take Light's actions seriously because of her history of seemingly snapping at the drop of a hat.

"Light... are you feeling okay? If you want, I'll move... or even get an orderly to help you." Vanille said softly as she could see Lightning just taking a few more deep breaths. Standing up and walking away from Lightning just in case the taller woman did snap a little and put her in harm's way. She knew that in her experience that a lot of harm could happen in these small rooms.

"It isn't that Vanille... it is just the voice is getting super annoying right now and I can't block it out as much as I normally do." Lightning said as she took some deep breaths as she started to lay on her side. Feeling a little confused as Vanille took the seat by her head quickly followed by the simple moving it up and resting it down on her lap.

Light didn't know why but there was a strange amount of comfort in the gesture. It was a near perfect thing for her, but at the very least right now she was going to feel fine. Even if it was a case of her being confused as to why it was making her calm down.

' _ **Seems like our heart skipped a beat. Welp that is settled. You are super gay. Maybe we should go and search for some presents in this closet... maybe talk with the nice faun by the lamp post. I mean what is the worst that will happen? Besides a less than favourable comparison to a certain ice queen... might even get to kill a lion.'**_

Enjoying the silence, Lightning just took a deep breath as she listened to the soft humming coming from Vanille. Spinning around Lightning just stared at the ceiling. She was suddenly content with the day as is. Even though she didn't have a single thing to do due to the fact that Yuna was off today and most of her stuff was optional... the only real way to make things even better was if she went out for a run but this was a very close second in her opinion.

' _ **Yup... totally gay.'**_

"Um Light... I have to ask... is it the good kind of annoying or the kind I should really tell the orderlies about for everyone's safety... yourself included." Vanille asked tentatively.

"Just the annoying me kind. It doesn't really get to the wanting to harm people level very often. Just right now it is reciting jokes about closets..." Lightning muttered as she could see Vanille bending her head down to just stare into Lightning's eyes. A smile being ever present. Something that just caused Lightning to respond in kind. She had no idea why but just a smile was something that just made her feel better.

"Are the jokes funny? I suppose they wouldn't be if it is being annoying." Vanille spoke as she bit her lip as though she was in deep thought. Something that in Lightning's experience that it didn't really track, but she supposed that anything could happen.

She just would rather if the voice in her head would do the seemingly impossible and just listen to her. Light knew that on paper that it wasn't a hard thing to get. But she also knew that it was going to be hard for her to ever find.

Hearing a crack of thunder, Lightning just smiled as she could see Vanille jump a little. Something that just made her laugh as the woman took a few deep breaths. "Sorry... it just took me off guard. It is pretty close though." Vanille said as Lightning just continued to chuckle at the woman she was laying on.

Feeling Vanille lightly bat at her arm, Lightning just took the time to sit upright and move so her back was pressed against the wall. "You aren't afraid of lightning and thunder are you? Because I figure a suicidal person who likes burning wouldn't mind it." Lightning said as she could see Vanille just shaking her head.

"No I'm not afraid of it. It really did just catch me off guard. Back when I was in the orphanage... it was our only real source of entertainment after dark and the lights were turned off. We'd try and find how far the strikes were. I might not be as good at math like some of the other kids who naturally figured it out... but I was taught a few tricks so I could join in." Vanille said as she stood up and quickly walked over so she could stare out the window.

"So you can't read... you can't do math..." Lightning began as Vanille just chuckled at her. Something that was causing a minor irk to Lightning but she also knew that she practically did start it.

"What part of school wasn't an option is a thing that Cocoon born find so hard? I'll tell you what I can do, I can tell plants apart, which parts are edible and which would be the healthiest to eat... something that I know Cocoon born find hard. And I've always been super good around animals which again Cocoon born and even a number of Gran Pulse Born find hard." Vanille said as Lightning just shook her head. She knew from the defensive nature that Vanille was trying to justify her reasoning to be there, but it didn't really matter to her.

"I can tell plants apart on theory. As for animals... they weren't really allowed in my house because they make people unnecessarily emotional according to my father. But when I was in the cage and Dysley had me... a few rats unknown to him were in the room. They seemed nice." Lightning said as she could see a flash of light filling the room.

Just a smile growing as she could hear Vanille tapping her finger against her leg. It was something that was an appeal to her just in the sense that the woman was just so content doing this one thing over anything else.

"Animals don't make people emotional... they are adorable and make everything in life seem better. Especially chocobos. They are just so cute when they hatch... but plants are kind of easy once you get the knack. Mushrooms are the hard ones when it comes to plants. But that is just because the ones that cause death can look like any of them." Vanille said as she smiled at the loud clap filling the silence. "And it seems like the storm is heading away." Vanille said with a smile as she laid back down on the floor. Just enjoying the ceiling as she looked over and could see Lightning laying on her side.

"Fungi... mushrooms are a fungi not a plant. Mushrooms grow on dead things... and sometimes living things to get their nutrients... plants make their own." Lightning said with a smile as she could see Vanille just rolling her eyes.

"I don't have a school education. I know the important things in life. Like which berries can kill people and which are delicious and healthy." Vanille said with a smile as she took some solace in the sight of Lightning shaking her head.

Hearing a knock on the door Lightning just frowned as she spoke up. "Come in." She knew that she didn't really want anyone else to come into her room, but she also knew that it was best chance they really had that if it was someone looking for Vanille she'd might be left alone for a while.

' _ **Are you sure that we want her gone? I mean... we could watch her shake her ass a bit... maybe jumping jacks... you know get her nice and sweaty... personally I like tha-... I mean I hate that idea. Yeah... hate it.'**_

"If you hate it I don't think we should." Lightning chuckled as she could see the door opening to reveal the twins walking in with a slight look of apprehension on their face. Something that if she had to admit, it was warranted, she just wished that they didn't come back to her room.

"Relax you two. It is heading away. But I'm sure Light wouldn't mind if you came in and waited it out with us." Vanille said as Lightning just started to grumble. "Just you know... don't get too close. The topic of discussion is foraging."

' _ **You know... I thought we'd want her... but this inviting people in is making me rethink that. Why do the hot ones always have to have something fundamentally wrong them? Maybe we can train her like a dog and teach her to not invite people in here.'**_

As Vanille spoke, she patted the ground next to her, she couldn't help but smile as Palom quickly took the seat next to Vanille so he was between her and Lightning as though he was trying to force Porom to be as far away from the pink haired woman as she possibly could be.

Laying down properly as to just calm down and think about calming herself further, Lightning frowned as she could see the female twin walking towards her bed. She wasn't sure what it was about and was debating if she should just scream that she doesn't want people to be in her room except Vanille but she knew that she couldn't, at least not towards either of the twins.

"Do you mind if I sit with you Light?" Porom asked as Lightning sighed as she started to sit up and push herself towards the corner of the bed. She couldn't help but smile faintly as Porom took a seat with a frown as she tried to push herself a little closer to Lightning. "Sorry about our intrusion though Light. Just... thunderstorms bring back bad memories for me. And Palom doesn't exactly exude comfort right now as he is trying to baby me a little." Porom spoke trying to at least explain some of her annoyance as Lightning just rolled her eyes at the explanation.

It just felt like it was lacking, but Lightning had known stranger things. At least from what she remembered of her past they seemed strange to her. She just had no idea as to how or why they seemed strange when they were told to her.

"It's fine. Just don't make it a habit of coming in here." Lightning said as she pulled her knees up to her chest as she just wrapped her arms around them. She could almost feel the room starting to get cramped for her liking, but she knew that it was going to be fine for a while longer. It wasn't even going to be that long before dinner was ready and then she knew that she could at least kick them out then and it wouldn't be viewed as something strange.

' _ **Hmmm... personally I say we snap and just toss the three of them around. I mean they've got to weigh what... a couple dozen pounds? Probably more... but you can carry your ego and me around all the time... and when it comes to what's her face you really don't mind carrying a cross.'**_

As the light flashed into the room, she just smiled as she could hear the same tapping from Vanille as she could see Porom relax a little as she slide back towards the wall. Rolling her eyes a little more, Lightning just used one hand to reach onto the nightstand she had to grab the book she took out last night just so she could read something to distract herself and the voice.

Cracking open the book to where she was last night, she was about to read as the thunder filled the room followed by the bed shifting as the preteen jumped at the sound as it echoed through the room. Just shaking her head, Lightning glanced up to see Porom just using her good arm to hold onto her shoulder. Lightning wasn't even sure what comfort that was meant to bring, as she looked over towards Vanille and Palom she could see they were just talking softly.

' _ **Light, we aren't going to be able to actually enjoy the book right now. Cup your hands over the little shit's ears...'**_

"What? That doesn't make sense." Lightning said as she could hear a scoff from the voice as though it was just offended at the question which to the pink haired woman it just made sense that she should ask it.

' _ **Light, so help me Etro if you don't do it I'll let more crazy slide past. Just cup her ears gently and repeat after me.'**_

Fearing the voice a bit from the threat, Lightning gently lowered the book down next to her as she moved a few feet to do as the voice had requested. As she held onto the side of the child's head and took a deep breath just dreading what was to come next.

"The past can't harm you Porom. The thunder is just sound... like..." Lightning began as she took a deep breath, "This isn't my idea but it is just like saying 'peanut butter pickles' just louder." She couldn't help but feel defeated drastically as she could see Porom just barely restraining the giggle. But at the very least she felt a little better at the fact that she seemed to be a little bit better.

' _ **I can't believe you actually said that... but it seems your mother's trick she used on you and Serah still works... I wonder what else works? Maybe we should try being spineless around your father and good things will happen... but I suppose we can't do that...'**_

"Not that that doesn't help a little... but what was that?" Porom asked getting the attention of the rest of the room. Something that just made Lightning groan a little as she slid back to the corner she was previously sitting in.

' _ **I'm not coming up with an excuse here... it isn't worth my greatness... but I suppose time to get a throne built. I'm thinking skulls... or gold for material right now... or what about golden skulls?'**_

"The voice just didn't want you panicking because it thought it would distract me from reading so it got me to use a trick my mother used with my sister." Lightning sulked as she picked the book back up and started to flick to where she left off.

' _ **Like that you just ruined my badassery... shame on you Light. Shame.'**_

"Sweet Light's going to read!" Vanille sung out as she jumped up onto the bed between Lightning and Porom causing Lightning to groan internally once more. "Can you read out loud? I hope it ends happily like the one about the Count..." Vanille sung as Lightning just took some deep breaths.

' _ **Gonna need to respond Light... I suggest the language one but you never do what I want.'**_

"I wouldn't say as happy... but it is about vampires... but it is from the same century." Lightning said as she winced at Palom climbing onto the bed by his sister as well as though they were just as interested.

' _ **You chose wrongly... have fun... I'm going to see if your insecurities of our opera singing career would mind donating for my skull throne.'**_


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45:

Hearing a knock at her door, Vanille bolted upright with a bright smile on her face. She knew what this meant. Something that was just a perfect for her. She survived the hell that was a month. A solid month of not being able to be herself, but that was all over. All she had to do was get through the twelve hours that remained.

Flying over towards the door, Vanille tossed it open and smiled at the sight of the blonde haired doctor standing there with a plastic cup. Something that just made Vanille sag a little but it did mean that this would be the last time really before she could just ignore the pills fully and go back to causing as much trouble as she possibly could so they would just kick her out.

It was even at a point right now that she was starting to think the fighting isn't the way to go, but right now she had to admit it was a lot more amusing to her than anything else. But for now she just had to act like another cog in the system.

"Thirteen hours Vanille." Rosa said as the redhead grabbed the plastic cup and downed the pills dry not wanting to wait for the mouthful of water.

"Twelve hours twenty five minutes. And then it is over. I'm free from this deal after that." Vanille corrected as she ignored the smile on Rosa's face as she shivered a little.

"Has this month at least taught you that I don't want to fight you Vanille? I'm just trying to help." Rosa said as Vanille crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

"Maybe it has. Hard to say with time still on the clock. A lot can happen in a day." Vanille said with a smile as she could see the doctor shake her head. At what Vanille just knew was from the defiance she still had over the topic. Something that she just didn't see herself losing anytime soon. Especially with how she knew that if she just returned to reapplying pressure as hard as she had been then she'd be able to be kicked out. That was probably the easiest way she could see herself getting out.

Shaking her head softly, Rosa just spoke up wanting to move this conversation along as so she wasn't stuck there the entire day. "In twelve and a half hours I expect you to be up at my office Vanille. That way we can discuss this fully. And if it you would like it, I'll even try and get Fang on speaker phone so she can join a discussion with us as well."

"Please... I haven't talked to Fang in a long time and there is only one more week before she'd leave for Oerba meaning I won't see her or hear from her again for another six weeks. And this way I didn't do all this rule abiding for nothing." Vanille said as though she was a child who won something and was displeased with the result. Something that Rosa had to admit that it was something that made so much sense given her history that really she couldn't help but enjoy the reaction.

"Okay, I'll try. You still have a full day either way." Rosa stated as she quickly spun on her foot and started to walk away from the door frame. Something that caused Vanille to smile as she closed the door. Once she was sure there would be no one walking round, Vanille couldn't help but nearly jump around in enjoyment from the fact that she had won.

Getting through one day wasn't hard, she had already gotten through the other twenty nine days and while it was touch and go at the start, by the time it got to this week it was like it was second nature to Vanille. So it would stand to reason being able to deal with the final hours would be just as easy to her.

Not to mention it was even easier because the one group discussion she had thankfully didn't even have Hope which meant that she had less of a reason to snap at people. Plus what made it even better was the fact that she knew that today the cafeteria synced up and she was able to have nothing but her favourites throughout the day. As long as she was on time there.

As far as Vanille could really see, this day didn't even seem that bad, and it would take a lot to knock her off this metaphorical high she was feeling. Hell she wasn't even sure anyone could knock her down unless they had a running start and the antidepressants she had decided to just up and not work. But she knew that wasn't going to happen from how they were explained to her.

Whistling softly Vanille skipped towards her folded pile of clothes just sliding some free so she could change into them once she was done eating breakfast and even get a shower in before she had to do music which was just great for her.

"Today is going to be great."

* * *

' _ **So... have you noticed how different the shrinks are around us? I mean we may be going crazy... scratch that, we are crazy, but they seem to be tittering around the topic of what we discuss again. You don't think someone tipped them off to you being crazy and arguing with the sane part of yourself right?'**_

"I know what you are trying and it isn't going to work. Even if, and it is a big if they are doing what you say they are... what is wrong with that. You are the reason we are here." Lightning said as she pulled her feet up onto her chair as she just hugged the limbs taking a deep breath as to calm herself down further.

' _ **Because you won't listen to me Light. I mean just because you don't personally remember me helping you or having your best interest in mind doesn't mean I haven't.'**_

Biting her lip as she stared into the bowl, Lightning just took some deep breaths as to calm herself down from the slight amount of anger rising when it came to the voice at this given moment. At least she knew deep down that everything that it was spitting at her was a lie. Everything had to have been a lie because Lightning knew that it was up to her to keep the voice alive and if she got better that would mean the voice would have less and less it could actually do to her until there was nothing and this was nothing but another distant memory of her's.

Grabbing the spoon, Lightning smiled as she took up a small amount of the oatmeal as she looked back up to see Vanille skipping merrily over. It was almost as if she heard some of the best news of her life,. Something that Lightning had to admit was going to be something kind of easy given everything that seemed to be happening to her.

But Lightning had to also admit that the best thing to happen was at least finally amongst all of Vanille's friends that seemed to latch onto and need to be around her finally learned that she couldn't really handle it when people started to walk behind her. Not to mention the rest had even been able to learn that when Lightning wanted to be alone, they would give her the space. The only downside was the fact that Vanille had yet to learn that.

' _ **Don't act like you don't love it when people are around. You may be able to lie to yourself, but you are certainly not able to lie to me. Something that I think I've proven multiple times. At the very least you like the red head... if only she would stop trying to mess with me and you'd admit to yourself that you want to just grab her butt and motorboat that bitch.'**_

Taking a sharp inhale, Lightning just had to ignore all of this. She knew that it was nothing more than comments to get under her skin and the only downside really was the fact that Lightning knew that it was working a little.

"So Light, anything good happening back at home for you?" Vanille asked as she picked up the white and brown carton that was quickly pierced by the straw as she looked towards the pink haired woman.

"Not really. Nothing really changes back home. And certainly hasn't changed since last time I talked to my sister. Staff still miss me... sister is still begging for me to get healthy... mother is still spineless and father is... best not say what I truly think of him." Lightning said softly as she scooped up some more of the grey gruel and just enjoyed as she could feel it sliding down her throat.

' _ **Monster... Villain... Barbarian... King of all Douches may his reign end as quickly as possible. These are all the nice options one can say to describe your father. If you let me go blue I can say so much more. Even a few limericks I can say... one even has a rhyming couplet with 'douchecannoe'.'**_

"That isn't happening ever." Lightning said softly as she looked towards Vanille who tensed up a little as she was taking a drink from the carton. "Nothing. It was about limericks. But what about you? What has you in such a good mood?" As Lightning spoke she at least took some comfort from Vanille sighing and relaxing from that clarification.

' _ **God Light. It is like you want us to suffer... this woman can go on for hours. Is this because I'm the creative one and you want to give me a cross to bear? Because I don't need more. I got your crap as well.'**_

"My month of being a goodie two shoes is nearly done. Once that is done, I'm in the clear and can go back to my normal self and still have my visits with Fang. Won't even need to take the pills. They become optional again and that is just great. I won't be screwing with my brain chemistry." Vanille said with a smile as she craned her neck and frowned at the bowl she could see Lightning happily eating from. "And seriously oatmeal again? What is with you and that? I mean it is one colour, tastes like nothing and makes you poop... a lot."

' _ **How come she is allowed to go blue? This is discrimination against the differently able.'**_

"You aren't differently able. You are a voice in my head." Lightning hissed as she took another deep breath before looking back towards Vanille. "Again limericks. But I like oatmeal. It is dense with energy, expands so it fills you up quicker, lends itself to other flavours easily... and compared to what I was given in my childhood it is perfect." Lightning said clarifying her snap but also answer the woman's question. It was something that Lightning knew would cause more questions but she was just glad that she at least only one person thus far had asked her.

"What did you eat? Paper? Because they taste about the same." Vanille joked as Lightning just shook her head as she picked up another spoonful.

"Most of the time it was nothing. I wasn't allowed to eat proper food. I was given things fit for animals if I was lucky... so occasionally I did actually eat paper. Sometimes hay... once I even ate a raw rat that got unlucky and crawled into my cage." Lightning said as she stared into the bowl as she could almost feel the memory take over her causing a small shiver herself. It was something that she never enjoyed thinking about, but those were still some of the memories that she knew for sure happened.

' _ **I forgot we've eaten that... honestly, with the things we've put in our body... most of the time not by our choice... and I'm no longer happy with that joke. You make your own joke about the hay. I'm just going to go over to my throne and think for a while.'**_

"Two jokes in a month that you aren't happy with? I'll call the record books." Lightning muttered as she could see Vanille snapping her fingers in front of her as though it was to get her attention. Wincing from the gesture, Lightning lightly pushed the hand from her face as she took a deep breath and looked to see the twins having taken a seat and stare at her.

"What joke where?" Vanille asked as Lightning shook her head and stared back at the bowl just smiling at how she knew that it was nearly done.

"Just the voice started a joke and didn't want to finish it for whatever reason and if pattern is anything to go by, that means I'll probably get a day without it really speaking to me." Lightning said with a smile as she knew could actually feel like that was going to be the best thing to really happen to her this entire day. Just being able to not hear some snide remark or joke when she was trying to pay attention to what was going on, was just a nice thing to happen.

"This has happened before? I don't know much about people who hear things that aren't real... but that doesn't exactly sound healthy." Vanille said with her concern shining through as she started to lean further into the table so she could get an actual look at Lightning's face.

Shaking her head as she just took a sharp inhale, Lightning knew that this was going to be a thing, she just wished it wasn't. Especially with how she knew that the redhead had a nasty habit of trying to get her to do things.

' _ **Tell them if you want Light... I... I just need to be away for a bit.'**_

"On my first day here. I'm just not going to look the gift horse in the mouth right now. You have no idea how annoying it can get." Lightning began as she gently started moving Vanille from her position on the table that was only going to cause her pain in Lightning's experience, she just wasn't sure if it was from her doing it intentionally or from her doing it just get a reaction like she did. "It isn't even because I like being alone and while I am, I'm not. What makes it even worse is the fact that ninety percent of the time the other part of me is making some snide comment, a joke, or just intentionally trying to drag me down." Lightning continued as she could see Vanille just nod her head.

"Huh... never thought about that. Kinda weird you want to be alone. But I'm still happy. Once the clock is up no more stupid pills and once hatching season is over I get to see Fang again, which is like the single greatest thing anyone can ever be told really." Vanille said bouncing in her seat as she looked across the table to see Palom and Porom just staring intently at her.

Laughing a little Vanille picked up her milk carton and just stared back lightly at them. "I'm serious. To me that is a factually true statement. And I'm not saying that because she is the only person that would even humour the idea of adopting, or even because she technically adopted me. She is just... Fang. It is hard to describe okay?"

Smiling at her friend Porom couldn't help but just know what Vanille had meant to say despite the fact she didn't say anything. "It's fine Vanille. At least that part is. I'm just mad that you aren't even going to entertain the thought of behaving and instead will just start the cycle all over again." Porom spoke trying to get her brother's attention in her own way as she couldn't help but just groan at the sight of Vanille rolling her eyes as though this was a joke to her.

"You don't get it... neither of you are on the same type of pills I'm on. You guys mostly just get to talk. Hope while on antidepressants, he is on a different type that does less actively screwing with brain chemistry from what I've been told and more so stopping the stuff being taken back." Vanille said as she looked over towards Lightning in some vein hope that she would defend her but if she was being honest it just made her doubt her stance on brain chemistry because she knew that if anyone needed that kind of help it was Lightning.

"I say you should still take them." Lightning said snapping the attention fully onto her. "Don't get me wrong, it kind of sucks... I'd gladly would rather talking about some things instead of taking pills. But you said yourself Vanille. Without them you have nothing but bad days with a few occasional sprinklings of good days. With them that is reversed. And if you burning yourself is what happens on a bad day... I just don't want to think what would happen if you get put on suicide watch or worse." Lightning said softly as she stood up and started to crack her back just picking up the items she had.

"Or don't take them. I'd personally would just rather more good days than bad days. But I'm going to get my blood sugar tested so I can go out for some fresh air before the day really starts... and enjoy the fact I may have at least twelve hours of nothing happening inside my head that I don't want to... which is a nice feeling." Lightning said as she started to crack her back once more before walking away leaving the trio, she just couldn't help but smile at the fact that she was technically free right now. Because to Lightning she knew that was probably the best way to spend her morning especially when she was given this comfortable and yet terrifying fact of being allowed a day away from the voice.


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46:

"Lightning, is everything alright?" The brunette haired doctor asked as Lightning just continued to lay on her side and just stare at the door. It was a sight that Yuna hadn't seen in the woman before let alone a long time in general. Really ever since she got her own office. "I ask because you've been silent for fifteen minutes into our hour..." Yuna asked softly as she could see Lightning just shrug her shoulders in indifference.

With her voice cracking from the fact she hadn't needed to use it in a few hours, Lightning spoke up. "I'm just not used to the feeling of the voice not talking... I mean this is only the second time in a long time that it isn't making some comment about something I do or someone around me does." Lightning knew that in her stance it was going to seem a bit strange for the woman to really understand that one aspect of Lightning, but it was something she figured that if it was the pills that finally started to work she would get used to it. She just knew it wasn't though.

"Not even silence from the medication... it started to crack some joke at my expense then stopped claiming it didn't like it and is now just silent because I'm positive it knows it screws with me more." Lightning continued as she pulled herself closer into a ball form as she took some deep breaths and continued to stare at the wall.

"What makes you think that that isn't the medication working?" Yuna asked a little curious about this situation but also knew that with Lightning when it came to some topics that if she pushed wrong the woman would lock up essentially for a day without any real way to make her relax again. "I mean I only have some examples in my mind of people who suffer what we are treating you for, and the sounds they hear just vanish one day." Yuna said trying to at least give Lightning her reasoning but also knew that even with that it could still cause a lock up with Lightning.

"It has muttered an occasional 'still here' every few hours... but this isn't the first time since I've been here that it has started to set up a joke at my expense that it just shuts up mid way through and practically sulks."

Taping a long finger against her chin, Yuna had to admit she was feeling kind of lost. Just from the fact that she didn't know how she was meant to deal with this. But that small nugget of information was enough to get her attention.

"When was the first time it happened?" Yuna asked hoping to get some bottom of the situation. If just for a few more minutes to keep Lightning focused on a topic that way she may be able to transition easier over to Vanille's concern without it figuratively coming out of nowhere.

"It was my first day here. I wasn't lying when I told you the voice was being quiet when Vanille was showing me around... and even though the bulk of that night is still yet to come back to me... what I do remember is having a panic attack at the allergy tests because there is a small amount of comfort in the voice despite it being an annoyance and I was feeling uncomfortable at the tests and it just snapped at me." Lightning stated as she could see Yuna for some reason getting more interested at this, but she couldn't really find a reason that she would be.

"Why did it snap at you? And the equally important question, what did it say?" Yuna asked calmly as she took some joy at the sight of Lightning relaxing her grip on herself as she just continued to stare intently at Lightning as if she was trying to let the woman know that she was going to continue on this path as long as she could.

"I wanted it to say anything to give me some sign it was still there just so I would be comfortable. But it just snapped at me saying it had shit too and that I'm strong enough to do anything I set my mind to, even if that is something like staying in an unfamiliar place and I got through a hell once I can make a second time no problem, especially if the second trip to hell was just an allergy test." Lightning spoke as she could see Yuna lean back humming to herself lightly.

That one gesture was enough to get Lightning's curiosity but she also didn't really know why. The only thing she could really see it was that someone knew more about her life that she didn't. Something that wasn't all that hard to find given how large chunks of her childhood were blacked out, and even then some more of her preteen years being blacked out as well because of the medical coma she was put under for some reason or another.

"What?" Lightning asked just hoping that she would be able to move the conversation further along, just so she'd be able find out the information that the doctor knew that she didn't. Even if it cost her some minor dignity on her part. She just wanted to be done with all of this.

"It is just," Yuna started but paused as she took some time to figure out the best way to talk about what was to come next. "From what you've told me, it seems more like in the big things and important things the voice does its best to look after you." Yuna said as she could see Lightning sitting up to just glare at her as if she was meant to continue her point.

"I mean even in the dream that caused the incident with Porom. You said it told you to go back earlier to prevent yourself from getting caught but you didn't. And even then it tried to help you further."

"That is stupid. I mean it normally spends the first hour of the day annoying me as I do some workout in my room... and then the next hour trying to convince me to hurt people. Then spends the rest of the day swapping between those two." Lightning said defending herself at the notion of needing to argue this with the doctor.

"But it is bound to know you'll never harm people willingly short of it possibly being your father. Which don't get me wrong, that is wrong. But patricidal thoughts aside, from the countless examples you've given me... it seems constantly like the voice is trying to look out for you. I mean even in the example you gave today about the voice snapping at you, it sounds more like it was a pep talk." Yuna said as she could see Lightning just continuing to stare at her. Something that she had to admit was a fair gesture, but she also knew that there was more going on than Lightning would care to really admit.

"So I should just listen to it and do what it says? Which in the past has included burning this building down to the ground." Lightning asked rhetorically just to get Yuna off this thought of the voice being really a good force in disguise.

Sighing, Yuna just looked at Lightning. "No. You shouldn't just do what it says. I never said do what it says. I would be a terrible psychiatrist if I said anything of the sort. What I said was listen." Yuna said as she could see Lightning crossing her arms out of some faux protest to a subject that she just knew was adorable in a way. "You can listen to things and not do what they are begging you to. My entire profession really is about listening. But you could give your case to dozens of psychiatrists with what you just told me today and that would be one of a few points they'd all agree on."

"All of that is counter intuitive."

"Just do me a favour. Next time you are genuinely uncomfortable, like you feel it in your very being... listen to what it says. Is it the same insulting comments you're used to, or is it something you personally would tell someone that is panicking over something." Yuna said tapping her knee lightly as she stood up. "I want some tea though, do you want some?" Yuna asked as Lightning just continued to pout slightly.

"Peppermint. Please." Lightning pouted as she ignored the slight chuckle coming from Yuna as she walked towards the locked cabinets that Lightning knew well enough as the woman's tea stockpile. Something that at least brought some enjoyment to Lightning as she could smell the pungent aroma of various teas filling the room. Just the smell was enough to relax Lightning which she supposed was one of the reasons ever talk she had with the woman involved her making some tea.

* * *

Yawning gently into her hand, Vanille just continued to smile a fake smile as she sat in the group. This she supposed was the only weakness in her day. Just the way these people always seemed to grate on her nerves, but she had to admit that she did at least enjoy the closeness they had. It always reminded her of the orphanage she grew up in. The only difference was it was slightly smaller and she couldn't just walk out and lay down on the grass when some of the people started to annoy her.

But right now this was the last thing she had to do before lunch and then after lunch, she just had to talk with Yuna then she could wait for the meeting with Rosa. All she had to do was make it the last hour. And with the fact that she had yet to speak which given her last time just filibustering for half an hour it made sense that they wouldn't call on her.

Frankly to Vanille it was a miracle that she hadn't broken some rule, but she knew she hadn't because of what Fang had told her about them and what she learned from her near tenure at the place.

"So Vanille, what about you? You've been quiet. Would you like to talk?" The brunette haired doctor spoke as Vanille just bit her lip lightly.

"Not really Doctor Gainsborough. Not much has changed despite the fact the deal I made with Rosa is nearly over and I'm happy about that." Vanille said deciding that instead of poking the dragon, she was just going to make any time in a situation like this as brief as possible. Especially given how close she was.

"Has it been a month already? Time does fly." The doctor spoke as she she leaned back in her seat. "I'm sure you could explain why you are feeling happy Vanille."

Biting her lip again Vanille had thought she had gotten out of the dragon's den but it just seemed like she had taken a wrong turn causing her to groan internally. It seemed that even when she wanted to be done she just couldn't get those few precious seconds of freedom.

"It is just because that means Fang can still visit... and she means a lot to me. Hell to the rest of the orphans that got lucky and adopted before the place closed down that she still keeps in touch with... she is important to all of them as well. So the fact I can still talk to her... if not over the phone in person means a lot." Vanille said hoping it was enough to keep them off of her, just because she wanted the fifty minutes that are left to fly by just so she can get away from these people. She knew that it was going to be a nice feat if that really was enough, but she also knew how this group had a way of pushing for more and more information on anyone's happy moments.

* * *

Resting her head in her hands, Lightning took a deep breath as she could hear the people taking seats all around her to get around to the meal, but she just had to calm herself down. There was an almost downtrodden stance on her though.

She wasn't sure entirely why this had been such a thing that was keeping her down, but she had to admit that she was at least honest enough with Yuna about her actually taking some minor comfort in the voice. At the very least it didn't leave her with this gut feeling that something was going to go wrong and leave her with a bad taste of sorts in her mouth the entire day.

' _ **I'm still here Light.'**_

"Come on... can you say anything besides that?" Lightning begged softly as she tried to shove the sound of people around her just getting ready to enjoy the meal that if Lightning was being honest felt a bit hollow to her right now. There was an almost need for her to just have the voice speak to her. The slight comfort that she could find in these situations was kind of preferred.

' _ **Not today... I just need some time to myself. You'll be fine. I mean the other people should be here soon.'**_

The almost sad tone to the voice was enough to pain Lightning sightly, but not nearly as much as the sound of the seats next to her being taken. She knew that it was just the people that seemed to latch to her, but if she was being honest, the extra sound of voices was enough to keep her mind occupied slightly.

"Lightning? Are you okay? You aren't feeling sick are you?" Lightning could hear Porom asking her but if Lightning was being honest that even if she was she wouldn't want to go to the medical wing. Just because she wouldn't be able to really handle the silence that would just permeate the walls.

Taking a second to just drag a hand over her face to try and put on the mask that she was fine, Lightning looked up from the food to stare at Porom. "I'm fine. The voice is just being quiet. And I'm not used to it." Lightning said leaving out the part of Yuna being crazy herself and acting like the voice really was trying to look out for her. It was probably the nicest thing she could do when it comes to the preteens that were with her.

As the news left Lightning's lips she could see Porom smile brightly at her when Lightning just had to let the air out of the figurative tires. "It isn't because of the medication. It is just being quiet and has been since breakfast because it making a joke and it just stopped." Lightning continued as she glanced next to her at the red haired blur taking a seat next to her with a skip in her step almost.

"What's the deal here?" Vanille asked as Lightning just let out a small chuckle as she turned fully towards Vanille.

"You're still happy as hell. That is news in of itself." Lightning said in a mocking tone as she couldn't help but just laugh a bit more at the sight of Vanille rolling her eyes at her.

"My pact with the devil is nearly over. It would seriously take someone a running start to take my mood down a peg and if they do... well they best keep on running... but then I just know something bad will happen to me." Vanille said calmly as she shook her head and turned towards her meal. "Plus, according to Kain it is going to be mac and cheese tonight for dinner, and even though it is only lunch, we still have my favourite soup." Vanille said happily as Lightning just chuckled slightly at the one eighty turn the woman took.

Just laughing at what had to be a joke as Lightning turned back to look at the bowl in front of her of the red liquid causing her to just take a deep breath. "What about you Light? You look a bit off. Everything going alright for you? Or do you just not like tomato soup?" Vanille asked as Lightning just took a deep breath.

"The voice is quiet and it isn't from the pills I'm on."

"But don't you always want silence in that regard? Seems like a win win to me." Porom said letting Vanille and Lightning know that she was still here and she wasn't having a conversation with her brother.

"Just because you want something doesn't mean when you get it... even temporarily that once you have it you don't know what to really do with it. I mean I'm sure you would love a day without your brother... but once you get it, you'd be lost." Lightning said as she just picked up the spoon and lightly dipped it into the soup. "But I mean... it has also been so long since I didn't have the voice making some comment all the time that I forget what it is like. But I suppose I'd need to get used to it eventually. I just wished that it was from the medication. It would be a lot easier for me to get used to it if that was the case." Lightning continued as she just raised the spoon to her lips just breathing on it gently before placing it into her mouth.

"I can see why that would be annoying. Not hearing a voice you don't want is such a hard thing to digest." Palom said skeptical that Lightning if she was being honest didn't mind. It was just something that they didn't understand, and if Lightning was being honest if she didn't experience it she doubted that she would be able to understand it herself.

Chuckling a little at the sound of Porom hitting her brother, Lightning just shook her head. "Relax Porom. I don't mind. It is a hard thing to explain... I mean I doubt Rosa and Yuna even really understand. But enough of that, what's up with you guys? How is the day going?"


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47:

Sitting on the couch, Vanille propped her legs up and yawned as she could hear the near mindless story. Just a small smile on her face as she remembered when she had told Fang about them having a television here and how she had spent a few hours watching it.

There was a small amount of mirth as she saw Lightning walking into the room. Something that she hadn't seen the woman do willingly ever. Something that was just reaffirmed at the sight of Porom walking in mere seconds after her.

Chuckling a little at her own thoughts as she looked over to see the silver haired boy plopping down next to her. "You going to finally grow up Hope? Because if I'm being honest I missed spending some time with you. But I'm also not going to avoid Lightning." Vanille asked as she followed the duo partially towards what Vanille just knew was one of the ping pong tables.

"I don't trust the woman Van. She broke Porom's arm. And if you listen to Palom it was done maliciously." Hope said as he continued to stare at the TV. Just being glad that he could seemingly finally talk to Vanille about the topic.

"The boy who hates all roses because one pricked his sister's thumb last year. Strong case you have there." Vanille sarcastically quipped as she started to look around. Just trying to find something that was bound to be far more interesting than her seeing the same episode for what had to be the tenth or even twelfth time in a few days but still would let her have this conversation with Hope. "I mean seriously you can never take what Palom says when it comes to Porom at face value. Everyone in here knows that. Light doesn't want to harm people. She doesn't want to get between people. And if you ask her something she just tends to be blunt and straight to the point." Vanille continued settling on one of the colourful magazines flicking it open to one of the pages.

Frowning internally at the feeling of Hope's eyes on her, Vanille just flicked to a different page. She wasn't in the mood to deal with him and how judgemental he is in regards to Lightning. It was making Vanille kind of wish that there would be a new person being admitted because it would divert his distrust of Lightning onto the new person.

"What is the point of faking like you're reading a magazine? I already know you can't read." Hope asked as Vanille closed the glossy pages and glared at the man.

"I like to look at the pictures. And I've already seen this episode a lot in the last few days." Vanille said sticking her tongue out as she turned back to her task. She felt a small chuckle as she returned to looking at the images of vehicles. It might have been equally boring to her, but at least it was something new.

"Same... want to play some table tennis? A table just opened up." Hope asked as Vanille closed the magazine again and tossed it back onto the small table and jumped up quickly gesturing for Hope to follow suit.

Not missing a beat, Vanille quickly left the small area and nearly ran towards the table. A smile being ever present as she could see it was the table next to Lightning and Porom. A smile on her face as she could see Hope slowly walking up. Smiling brighter, Vanille started to flail her arm at the sight of the silver haired man catching up to her.

"I'll be on this side. Go onto the other." Vanille said as as Hope started to shake his head as he walked around the table and towards the spot that Vanille had gestured. This situation if Vanille was being honest was going to be nothing but a win win. Not only did she get to entertain herself for the remaining two hours before she had to talk with Rosa and Fang, she also got to spent time with Hope, but the best part is she may be able to get Hope to finally see Lightning isn't bad.

Coming to a stop, Hope reached into the small basket attached to the table and pulled out a paddle. Spinning it around in his hand he smiled at Vanille got her own and the small plastic ball. Dropping it softly on the table, Vanille smiled as she lightly hit the ball.

"So Porom, how hard was it to get Light in here? I find it to be very on most days." Vanille asked in a light jibbing manner as she could see Lightning rolling her eyes at the comment. Something that just made Vanille smile faintly because she knew that it was Lightning being exhausted at this point. Something that if Vanille was being honest with she could understand slightly.

"I just would rather be in my room or the library reading. Is that so wrong?" Lightning asked rhetorically as she glanced out of the corner of her eye to see Vanille with a smile just bouncing from spot to spot next to her to smack the ball back towards the silver haired boy. Frankly under other circumstances Lightning would have just laughed at the sight of the woman treating this like it was some professional sport instead of just some friendly games.

Sighing Lightning batted the ball gently back towards Porom as she spoke up again, "What was with you and the magazine by the way?" She hoped that Vanille was going to be able to at least see that Lightning didn't mean it in some rude manner, she was just curious.

"Not everyone can read a bigillion languages. Some of us just like to look at the pretty pictures. I am in the pretty pictures category." Vanille said as she slammed the ball down with a lot of force, laughing internally as she could see it crossing the net followed by it raising above where Hope could reach. "Point me."

Sighing again, Lightning batted the ball back towards her own opponent as she just glanced towards Vanille. "I can only read in four. And even then my Spanish is super weak." Lightning said as she sidestepped the ball catching it as it missed hitting her side. "Point me Porom."

"What teenager knows multiple languages?" Hope asked sceptical that this was even a thing happening, but also knew that at least he could get Vanille off his back and maybe even get her to see the reason in his defensive stance against the woman.

"I'm not a teenager but I still can read two. But Palom and I were raised with the word of Bhunivelze so by the time we could read English we were expectant to at least be able to read Latin." Porom said as Lightning gently nudged the ball towards her. Just a smile on her face as she returned it as well as she could.

"As for me... I'm a Farron... and the eldest at that. Before I started living in hell, about the time most children apparently are learning the primary colours, I had tutors in several subjects. Because failure is not an option." Lightning said as she smacked the ball a bit harder than she had been just so she could keep Porom on her toes. "Which is ultimately why you probably won't see any sort of public statement from my father for a few months as I'm in here and my sister is going to do something with Chocobos on Pulse." Lightning spoke softly as she could see out of the corner of her eye the sight of Vanille just barely missing the ball.

"My point Van." Hope said in a small mocking manner that was like what Vanille had constantly used towards him.

"Well it will be Hatching season across  _Gran_ Pulse and Cocoon. So probably helping the little adorable things break through and disposal of the eggs that just didn't make it. But do you know where on  _Gran_  Pulse she is doing it? Because I can only think of four villages where chocobos spend hatching season... and only three allow outsiders to be present... whatever percentage that is she might be with Fang." Vanille said with a smile as she started to serve again.

She couldn't help but smile as Lightning shook her head and smacked the ball back towards her own opponent. "Couldn't tell you. Serah has a way of constantly ignoring my questions about what she is doing when she sees me. Something about how growing up she never got to see me short of a few scant clips on the news." Lightning said with a small laugh as she started to look towards Porom who winced as she could see the ball smacked against her side of the net.

"Speaking of siblings... where is Palom?" Hope asked, if just because he didn't want this conversation to drift on much longer. He just wanted to stay as ignorant as he can on the subject matter of Lightning's past. Everyone there had a past, some of it good some of it bad. But none of that was reason enough to warrant an excuse on some of the behaviour Lightning had.

"He is busy in the chapel doing what we'd normally do. Namely the cleaning for the next service. Especially because the Abbot is going to be coming for a visit soon and is even allowed supposedly to lead a service. And because I'm really looking forward to the service he is going to try and make sure it goes smoothly." Porom said with a smile as she served the ball towards Lightning.

"You aren't going to try and rope me into another early morning service are you?" Vanille asked as Porom just smiled a little at her. As if there was nothing wrong with what she planned. Even though to Vanille a lot was wrong with it. "Seriously Porom... I'm all for you having faith... but I'm not one for the whole Bhunivelze faith thing. Hell at points I have trouble believing in Pulse and I was raised in his faith." Vanille said as Lightning just smiled a little at the fact that Vanille was trying so hard to not offend the girl but also make her case.

It was something that made Lightning just smile at the attempt because she knew in her experience she didn't particularly care if she offended someone. But at least she knew why Vanille was trying to do it the way she was.

Smacking the ball directly into the air, Lightning caught it and smiled at Porom. "That's game to me Porom." Lightning said calmly as she slid the paddle into the small container as she dropped the ball inside of it.

"No fair, I was having fun. Do you want another game?" Porom asked puffing her cheeks out as Lightning just smiled at her. As if this had been some sort of chore to her, even if Lightning didn't want the preteen to think of it as such, but if Lightning was being honest, it did feel a lot like that.

"The deal was one game Porom. While it was fun, I'm getting uncomfortable with all the people in the room. So I just want to go back to my room and decompress." Lightning said softly as she yawned softly followed by turning around and walking out of the room. A gesture that Vanille had seen the woman do a lot, specifically when she was becoming truly uncomfortable. She just hoped that Porom wasn't going to try her normal action of following.

Seeing the ball bounce across her vision, Vanille quickly turned towards the silver haired boy who had a grin on his face. "Match point to me. My serve." As Hope spoke, he spun the paddle around once more in his hand as Vanille picked up the ball gently tossed it towards the boy.

"Don't get like that Hope. We both know I'm still up in games."

* * *

Taking a deep breath as she sat at the wall, her back pressed to it. She had to admit that she was starting to feel the isolation. It wasn't even that it was a bad feeling to Lightning. She actually normally thrived in that exact situation.

She wasn't sure why it was something that was so hard for people to understand, but she was just glad that Porom hadn't decided to follow her. She didn't know if she would have it in her to snap at the child, but at the same time she just couldn't mentally handle how full the room was getting.

There was an almost suffocating type of pressure she was feeling, mixed with the fact that she didn't seem to be able to handle the silence in her head. She could almost feel the cracks starting to form and she would be lying if she said it wasn't making the panic she was feeling a lot worse.

Resting her head between her knees, Lightning took a deep breath before an equally sharp exhale as she tried to regain some feeling she was used to. This had always worked in the past. But normally she had the voice at least talking her through this. Especially when she could feel the almost identical cracks form.

Running her fingers through her hair as she begun to focus solely on her breathing, Lightning couldn't help but smile from the fact she had done this so much that it had been ingrained into her very being. She could feel the small cracks start to mend causing a small sense of calmness over her. But that was shattered by the knocking sound that filled the room.

Pulling her head from between her knees and relenting on the fistful of hair she had, Lightning dragged her hand down her face as she spoke up. "Porom, I'm fine. I just really can't handle people right now." Lightning spoke out as she hoped that would be enough for the woman to leave. Just the way the woman latched onto her was enough to cause her an annoyance, but she did know that it was going to be a lot better than what she had previously thought possible.

"Wrong person Light. But I'd be lying if I said she clearly wasn't worried as well. It's fine that you need some time... just can I ask what set you off? Is the voice not talking to you really that scary?" Vanille asked calmly as Lightning sighed standing up as she rubbed her face once again as if it would correct how she was feeling on the surface.

Opening the door, Lightning just met the emerald eyes and could see the emerald eyes of the woman who had been almost as much of a pain in her side as Porom has been, and for whatever reason Lightning still couldn't snap at the woman. She didn't even harm Vanille in any way like she had with Porom.

"It is more than that Van. I told you and Porom. I don't do crowds too well. But also yes. That is a factor." Lightning said as she craned her neck back a little as Vanille reached up to cup her face. Dragging her thumb across, Lightning felt an eyebrow raise as Vanille just had a concerned look.

"You were crying Light." Vanille said as she pulled her hand back as Lightning raised the mirrored one of Vanille just to touch her face.

Vanille wasn't wrong. Lightning could feel some stray tears still being present. Shaking her head as she moved her hand down, she just had to meet this head on, like she had done for all of her problems in the past.

"It isn't an emotional type of crying Vanille. I probably just have something in my eye. I was just taking deep breaths in here as I try and restrain myself from snapping and punching something or someone. "Now, can I go back to just trying to continue doing that gesture? Because... frankly I have no idea how much longer I can take this before I snap. And you have that meeting coming up soon. I'll talk to you later... I still need to read to you today just... not right now."

The calmness in Lightning's tone. It was something that scared Vanille. She knew what that tone meant in her experience. It was the same tone she used on Fang when the woman had sensed something was up and a few hours later Vanille was covered in burns and Fang was crying over her trying to put the fires out.

A tone that right now, Vanille could see why it hurt Fang so much. But she just knew that in the small group they had, it would hit them a lot harder than what everyone thought possible. "Light... you aren't... um..." Vanille began feeling unsure of the situation as she could.

"I'm not suicidal Vanille. I just want some time alone." Lightning said as she at least smiled at the sight of Vanille being relieved. "Now go... go enjoy your time with your friends... and count down the minutes before you get to talk to Fang again during Rosa's meeting. You'll see me at dinner. I promise." Lightning said as Vanille nodded her head and took a step back.

Cursing herself under her breath, Vanille started to walk back as she could see the door close. ' _Damnit... there goes my good mood._ ' Vanille spat mentally as she practically stomped towards the elevator. She was a little mystified that someone was finally able to destroy her good mood. Even when the entire universe seemed to be attempting to destroy it. It finally had been able to destroy it and make her just dread the time until she got to talk to Rosa.

' _And here I thought that it was going to be Hope that was going to ruin my mood. Way to keep it fresh universe._ ' Vanille thought as she walked into the recreation room and quickly back over to the ping pong tables. ' _At least it can only start looking up._ '


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48:

Frowning as she came to a stop, Vanille took a deep breath to just try and make her mood unknown to Rosa. It would at least prevent her from needing to tell how Lightning was getting close to a complete mental breakdown today.

It wasn't that she didn't like helping Lightning, if anything it was the opposite thing. She very much so would want to help Lightning. But she knew that if she did she would be once again something she hated, if not loath.

But at least for now she could hear Fang, she could talk with the woman that meant so much to her that she couldn't help but actually feel a little giddy at the mere idea. Even if it felt like it was touch and go with not breaking the rules. But for now she was happy that her side of the deal was gone.

As she knocked on the door, Vanille smiled as she heard the familiar voice of the head doctor carry over the room and through the door. "Come in." Hearing that single comment, Vanille took a deep breath as she opened the door. She began to pray that her emotions weren't ever present, if just because she wanted to get free quicker from the room that was a hell to her and nearly everything she stood for.

Walking into the room, Vanille smiled as she nearly skipped into the centre of the room. It was something that was becoming a harder and harder thing to decide what was showing too much emotion and what was showing too little when it came to this. What was too much where she effectively broadcasted that she had something on her mind, and what was too little. Where was the line? It was a point that she wasn't sure how she could subconsciously dance with the line.

"Have a seat Vanille." Rosa stated as she lightly tapped the file on her desk with the cap of her pen. "Is something the matter?" Rosa asked as she could see the red head quickly take the seat before quickly looking down into her lap.

"Everything is fine. I'm just a little tired. I didn't get much sleep last night because this was my final day for the deal and I was just so happy." Vanille said as she looked back up into the face of the doctor, she couldn't help but smiled as she noticed the blinking hold light on the phone. Just because it meant that Fang really was on the line. Which meant that she could actually talk to her.

"Are you sure Vanille? You aren't obligated to tell me what is going up, but it might make you feel better." Rosa spoke in a measured tone as she could see Vanille taking a deep breath.

Biting her lip, Vanille took a deep breath as she deflated a little. Just because she knew the woman was possibly right. "I'm sure Light has told you but she has had a silent day with the voice but she has been clearly fraying and has had at least three separate times she has nearly had a fully blown panic attack and I've just been worried about her." Vanille said softly knowing that she had fallen once again, far from where she once was. She was betraying her friend's trust once more. The difference was this time, she wasn't doing it from some raw obligation that would keep Fang near her spiritually.

Nodding her head, Rosa took a deep breath as she pushed off her chair to go backwards a small bit causing Vanille to raise an eyebrow as the woman produced a small plastic tub before cracking the lid and placing it onto the desk.

"Lightning is fine Vanille. There hasn't been any flag raised between her talks with Yuna and my own. A small panic attack isn't something to be worried about. From what I've noticed it is what she does when she needs to think and come to grips with something. Today it just seems like that thing she is trying to get used to is the lack of the voice which hopefully will become a permanent thing given time." Rosa began as she gestured for Vanille to look at the contents of the plastic tub. "Go on, take a few treats. You've behaved all this time." Rosa continued as she could see the red head almost begrudgingly taking a small handful of the candy.

Replacing the lid and picking the tub up, Rosa slid back and replaced it before she turned back to Vanille looking lost as she started to chew on one of the gummy candies in her hand. "Vanille, I could explain it to you, but it will possibly take up all time Fang has. I promise you Lightning is going to be fine. She is well looked after. Does this really take priority for you? Or do you want to talk to Fang?"

"Fang... please." Vanille whispered softly hoping that Fang would be able to make her feel better. Even though she knew that Fang would. Fang could always make her feel better. No matter what had happened, it was the best constant in Vanille's opinion.

As Vanille watched the blonde doctor picked up the phone, she could feel a smile take over as the woman spoke up, "Yeah Fang, she is here. I'll put you on speaker. One second." Rosa spoke as she quickly lowered the phone down and pressed a different button on the phone.

" _Van! You there! I can never tell with these demon things._ "

"Yes Fang. I'm here. You dummy. I told you I could go a month." Vanille said with a slight laugh as she could imagine Fang still finding using a phone to be one of the hardest things to do in life which did still confuse Vanille deeply just from what she had seen Fang do. "And put the phone to your ear. You'll hear better." Vanille sung out as she could hear a groan coming from over the line.

* * *

Taking a deep breath, Lightning couldn't help but just take some joy in the fact that the night was going well. She hadn't been hunted down quite yet to go to dinner, but she was positive that they were going to be around the corner. For now though she was going to just continue enjoying the silence she had.

Even with the terror she was feeling from the lack of the voice, which was an immense and nerve shattering feeling, she could still feel some calming influence from just people finally listening to her and leaving her alone.

The only downside was Lightning was feeling far too terrified to even read, Lightning took some solace in the fact that she was able to actually calm down enough to where that was her only complaint was a nice feeling to Lightning.

Hearing a knock at the door, Lightning craned her head a little to look over at it. "Come in. Carefully. I'm behind the door." Lightning said calmly fearing that it was going to be someone to actually remove her joy from the situation. Not that it was a hard thing to really accomplish. Hell she was positive anyone that still draws breath would be able to knock over the tower of cards she had been able to construct in her mind. She wasn't even sure that she couldn't manage to knock it down herself.

Her breath catching in her throat as she could see her brunette doctor sliding past the door which she had barely opened before entering the room. Lightning wasn't sure what was the reasoning she was here short of it just being the call for dinner, but the last few times it had been an orderly that got her when she waited this long.

"Hey, Light. Do you have a few minutes to talk?" Yuna asked softly as she came to a stop just in front of Lightning, just a few space in front of the woman.

Stretching, Lightning couldn't help but feel slightly stiff, but was happy that she was able to get past this. All she had to do was convince Yuna of the one simple fact. "I'm fine Yuna. I just wanted to spend some time in my room... just trying to get to terms with the silence." Lightning said as she began to wrap her arms around her legs, just trying to fend off any of the comments that will come her way from Yuna simply doing her job and making sure everyone was going to be fine.

"That is actually slightly what I wanted to talk about Light. There has been some concerns raised, namely the slight slips of aggression. Which is why I'm forced to ask what was the joke the voice was making before it suddenly went silent." Yuna asked softly as Lightning took a deep breath.

She wasn't sure about it. She knew that she could tell Yuna just about anything, but there was something that just caused her to stop. Just the urge to crawl into a smaller ball was a new feeling. She supposed that was what was stopping her.

' _ **Light... I wouldn't tell her. Even if it would be for the best to tell her. I doubt she would understand. But it is up to you. I'm just tapping in to give you my two cents worth.'**_

"I don't know what type of joke it was. I was talking to Vanille about how oatmeal is a good breakfast and all things considered it isn't the worst thing I've eaten. And the voice just talked about how according to what it knows from the recesses of my mind the raw rat and hay isn't even close to the worst thing that has entered my body... and then it just got quiet before the punchline." Lightning muttered softly as she felt her arms almost instinctively pull her legs closer to her chest. "It said something along the same lines my first day here as well when it went silent." Lightning continued as she took a deep almost shaky breath.

Nodding her head, Yuna took a deep breath as she took a step back from Lightning. She didn't want to prod the woman further, especially from what Yuna had read in Lightning's ever expanding file. The records that she had, she knew that there was without a doubt that Lightning had experienced so much worse. And it just seemed like there was at least all of her wanted her to not remember it. Even down to her own psychosis didn't want her to remember it.

Biting her lip lightly, Yuna knew that she should at least fill Lightning in at least as to what was making the voice so wrong, but at the same time Yuna knew she was bound to not tell Lightning. They could all be wrong and all she would be doing is implanting a false memory into her mind which would lead to so many things going wrong in the future. Lightning had to be the person to bring it up.

' _ **You chose the smart option Light... thata girl.'**_

"Light... I know I'd be beating a dead horse, but what I can tell is the voice does seem to have a line it seems and once it crosses it, it does shut in. Something you do an awful lot subconsciously. Like now." Yuna said as she gestured gently to Lightning as she started to bend down, resting her elbows on her knees as she squatted so she could address Lightning a lot easier. "It doesn't really answer the question of why you are seemingly fraying at the ends. It is something that both other patients and even Rosa and myself have noticed and just were waiting until we could find something far more concrete to talk about. Something we've had to skip because you've gotten a total of three patients reporting about the noticing of you coming unwound." Yuna continued to speak softly as she could see Lightning taking a deep breath as she couldn't help but just want for the day to be over.

* * *

Sitting on the ground again, Lightning took a deep breath as she could hear the phone continue to ring. She had no idea why she had let Yuna talk her into doing this, but it was where she sat now. Patiently waiting for the other end of the phone being picked up.

Sighing again as she could just feel her stomach rumble a little she almost laughed at the comical sight of Palom sticking his head out from the corner of the wall to try and get a glimpse at her before he hugged the wall again.

It was something that warmed her heart a little. She could tell the boy wasn't trying to harm her, just trying to keep an eye on her. "Palom, I'm going to be fine." Lightning spoke as she could hear the phone being picked up on the other end.

" _Private line. Who is calling?_ " Lightning could hear one of the long time staff of her family speaking causing her to just smile at it. She couldn't help but enjoy the forced security like it was nothing.

"It is me Consuela. Is Serah there?" Lightning said with a smile as she could see Palom taking a few steps closer. As Lightning raised an eyebrow she could see Palom producing a small napkin wrapped parcel holding it out. Taking a deep breath Lightning accepted the object smiling as she could feel it. ' _Cookies?_ '

"You always look after Porom and me when we want something extra. So it is only fair I get you some." Palom scoffed as he quickly spun around and looked back towards the elevator. The small sense of longing he seemed to exude just caused Lightning to smile.

"It's okay Palom. Go back up if you want. I won't be long." Lightning said laughing a little at the sight of the preteen boy running off. Something that just caused her to chuckle internally as she placed the item onto her lap and started to undo the temporary bindings. Smiling softly at the gesture Lightning was reminded of the phone currently in her hands.

" _I'm sorry Miss Farron. Your father has removed her phone privileges for a month for sneaking her boyfriend in last week. Is there a message I can give her?_ " Consuela asked as Lightning just took a deep breath.

The fact remained Yuna had requested she speak to someone in her family today, and if her main choice was removed that left one of two people. Neither of which was a thing Lightning had hoped for. Just from how she knew the conversations always tended to go.

"Um no..." Lightning spoke softly, down trodden as she took a deep breath knowing that she would have to talk to one of them. Deciding to go with the lesser of the evils. "Is my Mother able to talk?" Lightning asked as she broke one of the cookies into a more manageable piece to place into her mouth. A smile being ever present as she could hear a small gasp on the other end.

It wasn't even a fact that she didn't know why there was a gasp, it was something that had been made clear to her, she just wished that it didn't happen. But she would gladly put up with it from her family's staff. Especially the older ones that knew Lightning before she was taken.

" _Madam Farron should be fine. I'll go find her right away._ " The maid spoke as Lightning took a deep breath and some time to chuckle to herself as she chewed on the caramel cookie piece she had. A pleasant smile drifted onto her face as she had to admit that the fact that she was essentially pure sugar just made her feel a lot better about the fact that she might not be able to get to dinner for a while. But she knew that for now she wasn't going to enter fits of her body flailing trying to get every ounce of sugar it could to keep functioning.

' _I kind of wish the cookies tasted better here._ ' Lightning thought almost bitterly as she could hear another gasp on the other end of the phone followed by some hushing and shooing. Just the knowledge of that was enough to get a chuckle out of Lightning because she knew how this was a seldom done thing.

" _Light... honey? What is the matter?_ " Lightning could hear her mother's gentle voice come over the phone. It was something that she just knew was because of her penchant to not want to rock any boat. But she also knew that it was partially from shock from the fact that Lightning had asked specifically about her.

"Everything is fine. I was just asked to call the house and talk to someone because I'm apparently starting to fray. I figured you were a better option to talk to compared to Father." Lightning said as she broke another piece of cookie off and placed it into her mouth. "All of this because I wanted to be alone instead of being surrounded by people... I think the talking to myself also doesn't really help." Lightning muttered slightly under her breath but she knew that it would be enough to dislodge whatever it was that was causing her to just want to be alone. At least hopefully enough to just get her through what remained of the day.

" _Oh... okay..._ " Light could hear her mother's downtrodden voice followed by a sigh.

It was something that Lightning wondered why it had affected her, but she didn't really mind at that moment. She had bigger things to talk about. "It isn't that I don't want to talk to you Mom. It is just that I'm a bit low blood sugar wise which is being fixed with some cookies on my lap." Lightning said hoping that any sort of snapping at her mother was going to be fixed by that one excuse. She had no idea why she wanted to soften any blow for her mother, but here she sat.


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49:

Closing her eyes as she rested her head against the wall, Lightning took a deep breath as she could still hear her mother's cheer in her voice the entire time as though just the fact that Lightning had requested to talk to her was enough to pick her mood up.

It was something that did make a little sense to her given how seldom Lightning had talked to her and how even rarer it was for her Lightning to instigate the conversation. But she also had to admit that she was getting close to her limit.

" _That is enough about me Light. How is everything there? I'm sorry I can't make it this month and that Serah won't be able to go either because she has that chocobo thing._ "

"It's fine Mom. There was a storm a few days ago and for whatever reason people decided my room was the best place to wait it out and I just read. That is all that really happens day to day. I wake up, exercise the best I can in my room, eat, talk and do the group things like music and arts and crafts, talk to the two doctors one on one, and then I go outside to enjoy the air before I go back in and read for a number of hours until bed most of the time." Lightning said with a chuckle followed by an eyebrow raise at her mother squealing with joy at something that just confused her a little.

" _You used to always love music. And I always found you to have a better singing voice than Serah. Then one day without telling me why, you just quit._ " As her mother said that Lightning felt an eyebrow raise. It was something that just raised so many questions to her.

"I did? Mom you have to tell me these things. I don't remember even in the slightest doing anything of the sort." Lightning snapped a bit harsher than she probably intended, at least that is what her mother would perceive it as. Which if Lightning was being honest she was a little angry by that. Just because she knew her mother was like a timid animal, but to Lightning who had so few memories of her early childhood that she felt a need to latch onto anything she could get from that time frame.

Hearing the silence on the other end, Lightning could feel her stomach sink just thinking about how she had scared her timid mother away from even talking to her. She had been able to rob the woman of a simple joy that she had during the conversation they had been having.

"I'm sorry if I snapped at you Mom. I just have so few memories of that time." Lightning spoke softly hoping that she could at least reason it to her mother so she wouldn't be as gutted from Lightning's statement.

" _Its okay Light. I probably should have told you._ " Her mother's downtrodden voice carried over causing Lightning to just take a deep breath. It was one that pained Lightning for an unknown reason.

"Listen Mom, I kind of need to go get something to eat. Can I call you again in like an hour? I can kind of feel my hands shaking a little." Lightning asked softly as she looked around just glad that she hadn't seen any of the doctors or orderlies walking around. Happy that she was alone, Lightning smiled as she spoke up again. "Either way Mom, I love you and will definitely try talking to you again tomorrow. This has actually helped me a little." Lightning said with a smile as she could hear the near squeal of joy again coming from the other end of the phone.

" _It was nice talking to you as well Lightning. Is there anything you want me to tell Serah? She has been flailing around a little mad that I can't put her on._ " Lightning heard causing her to just take a deep breath in. Her mind was filling with different things but only one thing really came to her mind.

"Just tell her to be safe when she goes to Pulse again. And not to wipe with poison ivy, and the best way to tell is the leaves are always grouped in threes. And to not exert herself too much." Lightning said sternly like that of an older sister just ignoring the almost joyous laughter that came over the other end.

" _I will. And I love you too Lightning._ " Her mother spoke causing Lightning to sigh internally as she started to stand up with a sigh as her bones creaked and popped from how she had been sitting on the floor for most of the day. " _Goodbye Light... and if I don't speak to you again tonight, just remember you are still loved here._ "

Rolling her eyes at that one comment, Lightning knew the truth of the matter. Even parts that it became increasingly more and more obvious that her mother didn't truly know where Lightning had sat in her father's eyes, but also the eyes of the family as well.

"Goodbye Mom." Lightning said as she hung up the phone. Taking a deep breath, Lightning tensed one of her hands up as she took another deep breath just to calm her nerves down. She wanted to just punch the phone, but she didn't want to lose that privilege. If just because it was at points the only thing that was going to cause her to get through her time here.

Taking a final shaky breath as she kept her eyes closed, Lightning wasn't sure why this had been taking her so long to do. It used to be just a scoffing type of comment that would allow Lightning to get on with her day. But now, it had taken all her strength to just not lash out of her anger.

' _ **Told you we did**_ _ **o**_ _ **pera. But yeah, I'm still here.'**_

"Light, you still down here? The kitchen staff want to leave but they can't until you eat." Lightning could hear the soft voice of the redhead behind her. The almost downtrodden stance it had pained Lightning a little bit more than it should all things considered.

"I'll be up in a few minutes." Lightning said softly as she rested her head against the partition for one of the phones. She could feel the urge to throw punches seemingly die down at a much faster rate as she felt the person the voice belonged to take a few steps closer to her. She wasn't sure what was the major cause, but she could tell that it was happening.

"Is... um... is the..." Vanille began feeling unsure of how she was meant to ask the question as Lightning took a sharp inhale as she stood upright and relaxed her knuckles.

"The voice is fine. Still giving me periodic updates about where it is. I just got off the phone talking to my mother. And like in almost everything she manages to make me want to beat something." Lightning hissed as she opened her eyes and looked towards Vanille who had a concerned look on her face. "Relax, I'm not going to do anything. I can't afford to lose any privileges." Lightning said as she raised a hand to lightly rub some of the exhaustion from her features. "Speaking of which how did that thing with Rosa and talking to Fang go?" Lightning asked as Vanille just smiled at her and lead her towards the elevator.

"It went great. Once Fang could figure out how to use the phone again. She doesn't really do technology and tends to forget about it if she doesn't need it. And plus, Rosa gave me some of the candy she keeps hidden and seldom gives out. I mean Porom hasn't even gotten more than a few times to it. Palom gets it more but that is because what they need to do is different. Point is I got the candy twice in one sitting." Vanille said bouncing in her spot a little as she twisted around a little bit to look at Lightning who had a small smile on her face. "It was totally worth being a goody two shoes for the month for that hour long talk. Even if it meant I had to screw with my brain chemistry for a while and then do group which is super annoying."

Smiling a little at the redhead, Lightning just pressed the button. "You always struck me as the type that thrives being around people." Lightning said as Vanille looked at her quizzically.

"I do like being around people. Just not when people constantly are talking about the smallest thing that made them not want to off themselves. Not that I don't see the merit behind it, but from where I'm from people don't get nearly that bad because people step in to help them. This end of the game stuff is so strange." Vanille griped as Lightning just smiled at her as she shook her head at Vanille before looking forward. "What did the voice say? If it is something about me I'd like to know."

"It said nothing. I just find that kind of reasoning paradoxical. As I told you earlier the voice seems to be relatively quiet. All it said in the last two hours is that it was right when it said we did opera..."

"You did? I could buy it. You have such a pretty voice. I can only imagine it would be even better singing." Vanille said with a smile as the doors opened.

Shrugging her shoulders, Lightning started to walk towards the wall causing Vanille to just smile. "Apparently we did. I don't remember doing it... and gave up for unknown reasons." Lightning reasoned as she opened the door and just smiled at the lack of people. The cafeteria had been reduced to just a handful of people most that Lightning could tell seemed to be some of the doctors and the twins happily talking to each other.

"Well, you totally need to bring that up tomorrow in music... even though it shouldn't come as a surprise. I mean you speak like four languages. Hard to believe I didn't figure you couldn't sing in them." Vanille spoke as they walked up to the blonde man. Smiling as she wrapped her arms behind herself as to seem innocent, Vanille smiled at him. "I found her Kain. Now if I can choose the extra cookie, can I have one of the marzipan ones? I have no idea what it is, but it looks yummy." Vanille spoke as spoke as she looked towards Lightning flashing her a smile before looking back towards the man who picked up one of the cookies and a napkin before handing it to the woman.

"Thanks Van. Don't let Rosa hear about this though. She would be pissed." Kain said as Vanille accepted the offering and smiled at him.

"Deal. I just got done my time with her... I ain't going back for anything short of something big." Vanille said as Lightning shook her head once again as she took some deep breaths as she looked towards the man as she grabbed one of the trays and slid it to in front of her.

Smiling as she looked at the blonde man, she couldn't help but laugh internally at how this didn't seem nearly as bad or as daunting as it did the first few times she had to deal with the man. "I don't care what I get Kain... those cookies Palom sneaked to me almost bashfully didn't last too long. So I am just hungry."

"Huh... I guess Porom owes him an apology. We just assumed he ate them and said he gave them to you." Vanille said as she nibbled at a tiny corner of the cookie as she still marvelled at the sight of Lightning being given food. It always seemed like it was so much.

* * *

_Coming to a log in the desert of grey sands, Lightning smiled a faint smile as she took a seat. She knew without looking that the voice's form will appear soon enough. It always did whenever Lightning seemed to be here._

_She wasn't sure what was the cause, or even why it happened near periodically. All she knew was the voice tended to show up and proceed to taunt her for any sort of reason. But she supposed with the day she had, it would be something that she kind of would enjoy, no matter how twisted or wrong it sounded._

" _ **You know, there is a lot you don't remember... most of which is for the best."**_ _The voice said causing Lightning to look around at her sitting next to her, fixing the front of her dress as she took a deep breath._

" _I wouldn't know. And with what I do remember I find hard to believe. I mean is there a bone of ours that hasn't been broken then crudely repaired just so we wouldn't die? How many times have we been at death's door from starvation or dehydration? What possibly could be so worse that it is a good thing I can't remember it?" Lightning asked indignant as the voice just took a deep breath._

" _ **Light, there is so much more than that. Bones break, we never starved or died from thirst... but there are some things that we experienced that make those nightmares you had still pale in comparison. Hell the shit show that is our family life is still pretty tame."**_ _As the voice spoke that, it just looked up at the sky before it let out a sigh._ _ **"We quit singing by the way because of our Father inadvertently."**_

_Hearing that simple statement, Lightning quickly shot her head to look at the voice who gestured to the sky. Craning her neck up, Lightning couldn't help but wonder why she was looking at the stars. Especially when it had nothing to do with the question she was going to ask._

" _ **You started because Serah was born and you thought it would be the best way to get your father's love. You always watched him listening to these near ancient albums of operas. When you started to get good, he started to capitalise on it. You had to wake up every morning at four to warm up our vocal cords, and weren't even allowed to speak for three hours until after practice... you were driven further and further from happiness, and that was the first time your mother actually stood up for you."**_ _As the voice spoke, Lightning quickly shifted her head to stare at the being again. She was feeling curious as to what it meant._ _ **"She told you if you weren't feeling happy you should quit what was causing it. And then she was hurt when you said you wanted to quit opera a few days later and when your father wanted you to continue she actually stood up for you and your happiness."**_

_Dryly chuckling at that idea, Lightning shook her head as she stood up from the tree. "I find that hard to believe. I have like three decent memories of her. And those are tinged with something bad in some way. All of them. How the hell am I meant to believe that she actually cared for me at any point?" Lightning asked as the voice just smiled as it stood up next to Lightning and gesture her forwards._

" _ **Light, I know there is a lot of things I do that you distrust, but I've never once lied to you. Stretched the truth, yeah sometimes. But I've never lied."**_ _The voice said with a small smile as they came to a stop. The distinct foot prints that Lightning had recognised as her own causing her to just take a deep breath._ _ **"Even in here. You have far more power than you think. Every part of this dream you control. Even if you don't actively try to control it. I'm just a voice that a part of you has given me a body for these things. You need to stop underselling yourself Light. No one wants to try and betray you or harm you except your father... and even then you can silence him with enough of a running start."**_

_Taking a deep breath as she looked around Lightning took a deep breath and quickly began to let out a single scream of irritation. "Why are you being nice to me!? Everything you've done up until this point has been to seemingly cut me down and keep me down!" Lightning yelled as the voice just smiled at her as if it had been privy to a lot more than she was letting on._

" _ **Think about that one for a while Light. What do I gain from keeping you down? It is as I keep reminding you, everything I say and do is because you want me to in some regard. I am you. So what would I gain from keeping you down? Or as I should ask the question, what do you gain from keeping yourself down? It has to be pretty good if I really am keeping you down. I mean we are in an insane asylum thousands of miles from home.**_ _" The voice said with a chuckle as it leaned back to stare into Lightning's cerulean eyes._ _ **"But you can go any way now that you are back were you started. You can keep going down the path already trudged, or you can cut a new path. Nothing is stopping you."**_

_As the voice spoke that one line Lightning took a deep breath as she watched the being fade into the wind causing her to stop dead in her tracks. Glancing down at the foot prints once more, Lightning quickly looked on either side before she took a deep breath. And looked back up into the night sky. "There has to be something further down this path I must have missed."_


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter 50:

Bolting upright, Lightning quickly looked around her room for any sort of hints as to what time it was. Looking through the window, she could just make out wisps of red coming in through the window showing her it was at least dawn.

Sighing, Lightning began to lay back down as she stared at the ceiling, just trying to figure out exactly what time it was. It had gotten to the point that Lightning was mad that the one luxury she couldn't get was a clock.

The facts that remained though was that she was up now. Gently rubbing her face, Lightning sighed as she began sitting up again. An easy way to tell if she was up earlier than normal she knew was to just simply check her door but she also knew that around then there would be blue skies starting to appear.

Placing her feet on the cold floor, Lightning just sighed at the chill that ran through her body. She knew that the floors being cold always meant one thing and that was she could possibly get a good sweat going.

Standing up, Lightning balled her fists up and began to reach towards the ceiling. Just revelling in the feeling of her joints and muscles seemingly waking up. It was going to be a pleasant day as long as the voice did come back that is. At least then she'd be able to feel less like ripping her hair out whenever there was more than two people around forcing her to call her family again.

' _ **Light, you should look under there.'**_

Hearing the voice speak Lightning just smiled slightly as she bent down to start doing the exercise that she did every morning. But she knew that now there was going to be less for her to get worked up over this day. Which was more than enough of something to make her just smile.

"What? You don't have a body to point anywhere." Lightning bit but they both knew how much she did seemingly value their conversations. "Just tell me where I'm meant to look under." Lightning spoke as she placed her hands down and started to push up off the ground.

' _ **Nah Light just look under there.'**_

"Under where?" Lightning asked before biting her tongue as she could hear the cackling coming from the voice. She wasn't sure why but the sudden thought of murdering everyone as she just knew that the voice was going to go that childish for the rest of the day. But she knew that, or at least hoped that she could get the voice on a different track of thoughts as so Lightning wouldn't contemplate beating her head against a wall.

' _ **I can't believe you said underwear. Welp that was my plan for the day. You got anything besides working out? I don't know... like calling your mother again like you promised... maybe a shower... grabbing the redhead's butt? Not going to lie, I'm hoping for the butt grabbing option.'**_

Sighing as she placed her hands down, Lightning smiled as she started to lower herself down. "At least it isn't like you are talking about up dog." Lightning muttered as she couldn't help but just chuckle as she pressed herself against the floor before popping up with ease.

' _ **What's up dog?'**_

The voice began as Lightning couldn't help but chuckle at the comment. She knew it was something that the voice intentionally walked into, but she didn't really care. It would at least get them back to their old dynamic.

' _ **Oh Light you cheeky bitch you. Cracking a joke. Doesn't that go against your programming or something?'**_

"I haven't been programmed against jokes. I just missed our back and forth yesterday. Place got boring and while it was a little nice at the start, the day just seemed to drag on without my cohort nagging into my ear some snide comment." Lightning chuckled out as shoved hard against the ground before clapping her hands together before planting them firmly on the ground just catching herself causing a smile.

' _ **Welp, let's not go with the bad jokes next time okay? And hate to say it... but you smiling is a bit creepy. Not that we don't look hot when you do... but save the hotness for when you are all alone with the redhead. I think we might just be able to get to first base with her soon. Probably faster if you just would stop the shoving her away.'**_

Laying against the ground, Lightning just took a deep breath as she tried to contemplate her thoughts. "What is with your fascination with me and Vanille getting together? Or do you just really want me to touch her butt or something?" Lightning asked as she started to push herself up with a smile on her face as she just knew that there had to be something there. The question remained though was she was curious as to why it was so important to the voice.

' _ **Have you seen her butt? It is so firm. Not too big, not too small. Would look better naked and littered with teeth marks. Preferably ours. As for why, one of us needs to get laid. And something tells me that your hands would bleed from going raw with how much you need to get laid. And out of all the women close to our age, she is the hottest.'**_

Sighing Lightning could hear a knock on her door causing Lightning to maintain a spot as she shook her head. "We can talk about how I'm clearly not a lesbian later. Now just shut up." Lightning began as she spoke up far more vocally so whoever was at the door could hear her. "Come in!" Lightning said as she lowered herself down once more with a smile being present as she could hear a beep followed by the door opening to reveal the blonde haired doctor.

' _ **I guess you are still in denial. Oh well.'**_

Coming to a stop, Rosa quickly pushed the door open and frowned at the sight of Lightning's routine still maintained this procedure. Something that to Rosa it still seemed a little barbaric. She knew mentally that she just had to chalk this up to a future thing to fix if it comes to it.

"Light, Do you mind if we talk quickly before the day properly starts?" Rosa asked softly as Lightning took a deep breath as she began to shift her right hand into the centre of her stance as she laid her left arm against her back.

"Depends on what? And what time it is." Lightning said as she took another deep breath. "Have a seat if you want." Lightning continued as she took a deep breath and continued to try and get this part of her day done before she would read the last journal entry and start off the new day's one.

"It is about ten to seven and no thank you. It shouldn't be a long discussion. I just want to talk to you about some worries that have been brought up." Rosa spoke as Lightning took a deep breath and pressed herself against the floor.

"Yuna did that yesterday. Or at least started by saying the same thing. And I don't think I've done much to warrant a lot of worries to be brought to you two." Lightning said with a smirk as she shoved up off her spot on the floor and quickly switched what hand had been supporting her.

"Almost everything of the sort for any of the six hundred and forty eight patients across the entire institute tend to make it to me. Big and small. But that is neither here nor there, and Yuna did mention how you two talked yesterday and what she suggested to help you." Rosa began as she started to exam the room that somehow seemed a lot more empty which confused her simply because of how normally when a patient moved into a room they liked to try and make it their own but Lightning just didn't seem like she wanted to do that.

"I'm talking about your own worries. Namely the medication worries you've presented Yuna and myself." Rosa said as Lightning stopped as she was at her arms' full reach. Looking up at the woman, Lightning couldn't help but wonder as to what was going on. "You've said there has been zero difference with your current regimen about two weeks back correct?" Rosa asked as Lightning just took a deep breath and began to at least change into a sitting position.

"Yeah... and bar for yesterday there still hasn't been any change." Lightning said as she started to twist her head lightly just enjoying the popping sound as she could see the doctor nodding her head.

' _ **That is a lie. You learned we did Opera... and were pretty great at it. I'm positive we've been filmed doing it once or twice. If we ever get chance to use the internet, we can find out.'**_

Smiling softly, Rosa just took a deep breath as she knelt down as so it wouldn't seem like to Lightning that she was talking down to her. Something that she hoped would just make Lightning feel she could speak more freely.

"Well, I'd like to switch your medication to something a little different. You had been taking clozapine, I plan to switch onto paroxetine. Do you have any sort of questions about that? Because I do strongly want to urge you to ask about this new one." Rosa pleaded as Lightning sighed and begun to pop her joints.

"Do I need to be on the lookout for any other sort of allergic reactions again?" Lightning asked a little mad that she had to do something so tedious again. But knew that if it had to be done it did.

' _ **Why you mad? Maybe you should try thinking about why the tiger put his head in the toilet?'**_

Taking a deep breath Lightning sighed as she could see a slight relieved look on Rosa's face. "Yes but you also have to worry about the side effects which are a lot worse. Clozapine's side effects are so rare that I don't even remember them off the top of my head. But paroxetine has a long list that you need to look out for, some we can tell just by looking but you need to tell us immediately, I don't care if it is at two in the morning or what, if you start to hallucinate, if your muscles are stiffer if you start to bleed more than what you would when it comes to your time of the month or from any hole. And if if there is any sort of skin discolouration." Rosa said trying to at least get Lightning to see how serious this is.

' _ **Wait... does she mean we may crap blood? The hell does this drug treat and how can we start spiking people's drinks with it.'**_

Taking a deep breath as to not snap at the voice and not make it seem like she was crazier than how she was feeling. Something that was a harder and harder thing to really seem hard, but she had to maintain some of her sanity.

"What exactly is this meant to cure? Besides a lack of bleeding." Lightning asked with a chuckle as Rosa just laughed a little at it.

It was the type of joke that Rosa didn't mind. Just from the fact that it was relatively clean. "A number of things, but in your case it is a drug for post traumatic stress disorder, and it is actually the safest option." Rosa said as she stood up to see Lightning gently nodding her head in agreement.

"Um... okay. I'll keep an eye out for those kinds of thing. But is there really not a safer option?" Lightning asked with a raised an eyebrow as she prayed that there was really something with less daunting things that could happen.

"Not with a guarantee to work. It is a calculated risk. It is just with this one we can't do within half a month in either direction of some of the others we plan unless this works. But seriously Light, let us know if anything is different. I can not stress this enough. It is super important we have to know." Rosa pleaded as Lightning nodded her head.

"I've got it Rosa. Do what I've been doing. Just hopefully without actually needing to say I'm bleeding from my eyes and seeing things." Lightning quipped as she slid over to her bed just so she could keep her feet to the ground as she watched Rosa just nod her head as though she was happy with what was going on for the teen.

Smiling softly Rosa began to right herself, just lightly brushing the legs of her pants suit as couldn't help but feel stiff right now. "If your pills look the same as they have been, do not take them and tell the nurse to check with me." Rosa spoke as Lightning nodded as she began to lay down and rest her fingertips behind her ears.

"Okay Rosa. I'll see you again hopefully at noon. You know short of an extreme reaction that would require me to tell people I'm now crazier and bleeding out of any hole I'm not meant to." Lightning said as Rosa nodded her head and walked out of the room and closed the door causing Lightning to just chuckle at the thought of how she was going to need to explain to the twins and Vanille why her medication looked so much different. But at least it might get her a bit closer to an answer.

' _ **So Light, have you thought about my little riddle? Why did the tiger stick his head in the toilet?'**_

The voice spoke causing Lightning to just roll her eyes as she started to bend her body up into a sitting position as she could feel the slight pleasant feeling of just working out. There was just something about it that was causing her to relax further. "Why?" Lightning ashed rhetorically. She didn't really mind either way as long as she could just keep this relaxed feeling.

' _ **Because he was looking for pooh.'**_

Hearing the voice cackling, seemingly ecstatic at it's own joke, that Lightning couldn't help but just laugh at it herself. The strangest thing to Lightning really was how she knew it was a bad joke, but she still couldn't stop herself from laughing. But for now what she did know was that she was just glad that she didn't need to go further insane from the lack of the comfort the voice brought her seemingly every day.

"Did you just find some joke book I read and forgot about or something? Because that is the second childish joke you've told me since I've been up." Lightning asked calmly as she began to pull herself up again as she contemplated how this day was meant to go for her.

' _ **Hey, I'll have you know some of these are hilarious. But to be fair what pun isn't funny.'**_

Sighing a little as Lightning heard the musical knock on the door, she just took a deep breath. "Puns are never funny. Just groan inducing. At best." Lightning began as she bent forward one last time before speaking up again, "Come in!" Lightning yelled as she just groaned internally a little at the sight of the redheaded girl skipping into the room before closing the door with a swing of her hips.

Turning her head so she could stare at the ceiling, Lightning took a deep breath as she could feel an odd heat rushing to her cheeks, she just closed her eyes and started to almost rapid fire bend herself up just to make some excuse if Vanille was to question her.

' _ **And you say you aren't a lesbian. I scoff at you. Just imagine her hips grinding against you... just imagine getting those juices everywhere... you are probably getting wet just thinking about it?'**_

"Still doing the morning work out I see. How is the head? Still terrified?" Vanille asked as she skipped over towards the bed followed by plopping down with a smile on her face as she ideally swung her legs into a sitting position as she looked down at Lightning's athletic body. The way she just knew there was bound to be sweat dripping down her abs that Vanille knew from the frequency that she had been close to her were solid like a wall.

"I want the voice gone already." Lightning said with a small chuckle as she began to rest against the floor before she began to slide her legs out from under the bed just so she could get into a different position to start a new set.

' _ **First you want me then you don't then you do then you don't. Honestly Light, you are sending a girl mixed signals. Maybe you should just get some. Oh look there is an adorable redhead already in bed. Might I suggest we start with some kissing. Honestly I be**_ _ **t**_ _ **she can do all kinds of freaky things with those finger**_ _ **s**_ _ **. Let's find out. We owe it to science!'**_

Grabbing the frame of her bed as she planted her heels firmly in front of her as she began to lower herself down with ease. "It was fine when it was doing childish jokes but now it has gone crude and disgusting." Lightning said trying to show to Vanille that it wasn't nearly as rude as it had been.

' _ **I wouldn't think it would be disgusting. Might feel weird at the start, but if you knew you like how I knew you, you would be all for it. I'm telling you when you guys leave for breakfast just grab that tight little ass and see if she gets mad... If I'm right nothing bad w**_ _ **i**_ _ **ll happen.'**_

"Huh... I don't get it. Some crude jokes are funny. What is with Cocoon born not liking them?" Vanille said as she began to spin around in the bed to lightly hang her head over the edge and stare at the wall across the way.

"Well, again I was raised in a strict household... but most of the time there is a time and a place." Lightning said as she started to push herself up. "Plus, jokes don't need to be crude."

"Pfft says you." Vanille said with a smile as Lightning just shook her head.

' _ **Damn... now I really like her. Curse you Light.'**_


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter 51:

' _ **Say Light, how come we haven't done anything fun that would spice this place up?'**_

"The fact you bring that up is enough to make me worry." Lightning muttered as she could hear a cough next to her causing her to just look to see twins and Vanille just looking at her with a concerned look on their faces that was a different one to the one that Lightning hadn't seen before.

"Why would us talking about ping pong make you worry?" Vanille asked as Lightning took a second to just gently shake her head.

"Nothing. The voice just wanting me to do something probably very stupid." Lightning said as she could see them all nod in near perfect unison. Just the fact of which it would normally be an alarming thing. But frankly to Lightning it was beyond normal at this point.

' _ **I'm not saying we do do something stupid. But what I am saying is spice it up. Pants an orderly. Punch a dolphin. They deserve it. I've got a feeling they are trying to warn us of something. Just they don't realise we as a people don't speak in clicks.'**_

Hearing that single statement Lightning just groaned vocally as she rested her head in her hands and groaned. "I swear if you are going to continue this kind of thing today I'm going to be pissed." Lightning said as she felt a hand rest on her arm giving her a nudge as if to just remind her as to where they were really.

"Why don't we go to the dispensary... you know start that part of the day. Maybe that'll curb the voice because something is seriously up if it is getting under your skin like that this early. Normally it waits until lunch or later." Vanille said with a smile as Lightning just shook her head once more standing up. "What did it say out of curiosity that you think it is stupid?"

"Wants me to punch a dolphin and then began to paraphrase a book. Or pants an orderly. Because it deems it is too boring right now." Lightning whispered as Vanille just chuckled at the thought that filled her mind. But knew that if any person in there that could hold their own with a few orderlies it was the pink haired girl leading them down a hallway.

"Sounds like a... fun... book. Not sure why it would make you want to punch a dolphin. They are very pretty and smart creatures. Not the smartest... but have you ever swam with them? It is pretty fun. It is the one decent thing Cocoon has done. I just wish that they didn't keep them in those large pools away from their natural homes." Vanille said skipping next to Lightning who just took a deep breath to restrain a laugh at the woman.

' _ **You know, she keeps bouncing from crazy unattractive personality... to we must mount her. I wish there was a way we could find the middle ground. It would be the best.'**_

Just taking a deep breath as to not rip her hair out, Lightning just gave her head one last shake as she could see the line thankfully died down to nothing as Lightning walked up she couldn't help but just smile as she walked up to the window to see the nurses preparing what she just knew were a few more rounds of medication. If she was being honest it was a little laughable to her just because she could see the hopefully new pills she'd be taking.

Something that was reaffirmed at the sight of the small door opened and the nurse pushed forward a cup of water before she spoke up. "Did Doctor Farrell go over the side effects of paroxetine?" The concerned tone in the nurse's voice was enough to make Lightning just groan internally but could understand why someone would like to push that thought home.

"Yeah. She just didn't tell me the frequency I'd need to come here to take some." Lightning said as the nurse carefully slide the second cup out towards her.

"Once a day." Nurse said and just marvelled at the sight of Lightning downing both cups before smiling and taking a few steps to the side to see Vanille looking at her with an almost concerned look on her face.

"Why did they switch you onto an antidepressant?" Vanille asked carefully as she began to eye Lightning up as if she was trying to figure out if the woman was real.

"Because they are abandoning the schizophrenia idea for a while and are going with the ptsd thought. Why? More importantly how do you know it is an antidepressant?" Lightning asked as she turned around and watched the twins stepping up to the counter smiling all the time as they talked to the nurse.

Cutting into Lightning's vision Vanille continued to eye Lightning up carefully as she spoke. "They tried to get me to use it at the start but stopped because I kept getting some eye pain and some frequent bruising." Vanille said as Lightning let out a simple sound of acknowledgement.

It was something that did make sense to her. Frankly it made far too much sense to her as to why a depressed person might now at least one extra type of antidepressant to the one they were on. But what didn't really make sense to her was the fact Vanille was still standing there with a smile on her face.

"Shouldn't you get in line for your own dose of medicine? Or are you seriously not going to take it and would much rather roll the dice about good days to bad days?"

Turning around and taking a few careful steps Vanille just began to chuckle. "I'm happy rolling the dice. Just do me a favour and if I start to get mood swingy don't take any offense to that. It is just what happens when your mental state is being balanced on the edge of a knife above fiery pits."

"More of a reason to take them. And I'm not talking about the mood swings. I mean if those are the odds to you, you should totally take them." Lightning spoke with a concerned look on her face as she looked over towards the woman who had begun to skip in her spot as Lightning could hear the twins seemingly happily catching up with them.

' _ **Noooooo. Bad Light. She might get uncontrollably horny and then we can strike. We could mount her and taste that sweet cherry. Or be mounted. Not sure if you are a bottom or top. Because you don't know. My guess is top.'**_

"I'll be fine Light. Even if I did decide at a later point I still have like twelve hours to change my mind. Sure I'd be cutting it fine, but I wouldn't really need to go through the annoying building up the crap in my system again." Vanille said as she turned to face Porom. Who had continued to have a concerned look on her face. "And don't you start with the religious stuff. I don't need prayer, or even medicine. I'll be fine." Vanille said defiantly as Lightning just shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, I'm heading back up to my room to get some books that need to be returned. Any suggestion on what I check out this time Vanille?" Lightning asked just changing the topic figuring that guilt or logic weren't the ways to win over Vanille.

She wasn't sure how she should, but figured the answer would come to her eventually. "Either the story that made you want to harm a pretty dolphin, or something about pirates. Pirates are cool and I wouldn't feel nearly as bad about pirates being hurt but if they find happiness it would be great. But I need to go do um... something private."

' _ **Oh that lying hoe bag. Can't even make up a decent lie. Light I demand you call her on it, or for the rest of the day I'm going to call you Claire.'**_

"That is bound to get on your nerves a lot quicker than mine. Or did you forget I'm the only one that can hear you." Lightning said with a smirk as she couldn't help but feel like she had won at least one battle with the voice.

' _ **God I hope you start hallucinating and becoming purple and you become confused and any other nasty side effects come with the drugs you're on now Claire.'**_

Feeling a small groan wanting to slip past, Lightning just sighed as she shook her head as she walked towards the staircase. Just figuring that if the voice knew what was going on than it might fill her in eventually or she would be able to piece it together. It wasn't even a case that she overly cared. Because she knew Vanille would fill her in when the time came if she really wanted Lightning to know. And only then would it really matter to her.

Lightning just smiled as she started to walk up the stairs, figuring that the day wasn't going to be the worst thing to ever happen especially seeing as she would be spending most of it just making sure she didn't experience any of the side effects. Something that would be increased double for the following days but after that she knew that she would be fine and in the clear for however long she was going to be on the drug.

' _ **So Light, and before you say it shut up. If we were to get a side effect, which would you rather? Personally I'd say hallucination. That shit would be funny. And torture given how screwed up your mind is... but funny nevertheless.'**_

"I don't want any." Lightning hissed as she came to the door for her floor and just quickly tossed it open, just entering a casual pace as she began to walk down the hallway.

' _ **Right, but I mean if we had to have one, and for some reason you got the option to choose which one... what then?'**_

"Then I don't know. Whichever one will lead you to shutting up and not annoy me for the rest of the day." Lightning just hissed softly as she walked into her room, her smile growing as she could she the five books still resting on what passed for a nightstand.

A small chuckle as she walked over and picked them up from how she remembered the first time Vanille had actually looked at all the stories Lightning had read to her looked like and then proceeded to lift it with great difficulty as if she wasn't expecting the weight.

' _ **You know Light, you really do know how to make a girl feel special. Do you just not care about your body? I mean it would explain the near religious manner you beat and punish yourself with.'**_

"You know as well, if not better that I don't. Frankly it is at the point where the only reason I don't do something drastic is because it would make Father happy." As she spoke she closed her door and just began to walk back towards the stairs to climb back to the ground floor just so she could drop these off.

' _ **True. doesn't mean it isn't stupid. At least get laid a few times. I'm sure some chick; probably red haired, about up to here, has an adorable butt, on the smaller boob size but that isn't what matters, likes the martyr complex.'**_

Taking a deep breath as she came to a stop at the base of the stairs seeing Vanille patiently waiting at the door just causing Lightning to smile. ' _If I didn't know better I'd say you were describing Vanille._ ' Lightning thought just so she wouldn't make Vanille worry that she caused something that Lightning knew she was prone to doing.

' _ **What can I say? She is hot... her personality sucks a bit. It does counter our hardass stance though.'**_

"Thank you Vanille." Lightning said as the woman held the door open she couldn't help but just chuckle at the face of deep concern the redhead had from the sight of Lightning carrying the books. She knew that if it wasn't from the attempt this morning to lift the stack up she wouldn't have taken such a look on her face.

"How can you lift that? And so easily?" Vanille said as Lightning just chuckled as she began to lead the way towards what she considered one of the most important things.

' _ **Go on. Tell her how you could easily pin her to the bed and make out and probably make her toes curl so bad that you'll get a pair of ruby red slippers from it.'**_

Sighing as she looked towards Vanille who had fallen into pace next to her. "I do work out every morning. And have done for years. Hell you've watched me do that a few times." Lightning began with a small smile as she shoved her shoulder into the door smiling as it opened with ease. "Hell I could probably lift you like you were nothing." Lightning continued as she placed the books down on the book deposit with a smile as she spun around and began to walk towards the shelves just smiling at how empty the room seemed at this time of day.

"Come on Light... Dolphins or pirates..." Vanille pleaded as Lightning just chuckled knowing that the woman wasn't going to let her not find something that would fall under one of those categories, not that Lightning particularly minded. Just because she had to admit that she was starting to like the reading to Vanille. Even if every once in a while she would stop her to ask what did some words mean and if there were any pictures.

Coming to a stop at one of the shelves, Lightning let her finger run along the spines coming to a stop as she could see Vanille jumping up and down as if she was a child in a candy store. In uncontrolled mirth just made Lightning laugh just because she knew that it was something that would most likely get her thrown out of any library that wasn't in some asylum.

"Hold your arms out." Lightning spoke as Vanille quickly shot them out as Lightning pulled one of tomes from its home and placed it onto the woman's waiting arms. "There is the book that caused the voice want me to punch them." Lightning began as she quickly walked further down the row and smiled at the orange hard cover book that rested there. Slipping that free as well, Lightning placed it down onto of the other laughing softly at the sight of Vanille starting to wince from the added weight. "There is one about pirates." Lightning continued as she could see Vanille smiling as Lightning quickly plucked one extra book from the shelves with a smile. "And this one, is for me." Lightning said as she quickly grabbed the stack that Vanille had been holding.

* * *

Resting her head on the back of the chair, Lightning just took a deep breath as she almost chuckled at the sound of soft sipping coming from the doctor sitting across from her. She had to admit that it was at least relaxing to just sit in the silence but it was actually starting to irk her even though it had only been five minutes.

"Say Light, have I showed you the present I got given for my birthday coincidentally when the Zanarkand Abes won a big tournament? I can't remember which one, maybe you could help given your knowledge." Yuna spoke up without even waiting for an answer she placed the mug down and quickly walked over to a corner Lightning hadn't seen her in before.

"I don't think so." Lightning said sceptically as Yuna produced a large ball that Lightning at least knew what it was. The sight of Yuna laughing softly as she began to walk back to Lightning and gently toss it her way.

"Be careful with it. It was the only thing Jecht signed with Tidus even though neither actually played. Jecht just had so much swing with the team, and so does Tidus, just not getting given the game ball and getting it signed by the winning team. At least not then." Yuna said with a smile as she could see Lightning continue to observe the fainted words on the ball. She almost smiled at the sight before Lightning handed it back to Yuna.

"I don't recognize any of the players. And last time the Abes won to my knowledge was when Jecht still was playing. So it probably happened after Dysley got me. And I haven't exactly looked at who won in those years." Lightning said as Yuna gave her a lopsided smile as she accepted the ball and gently spun it between her hands. A small chuckle as she could still see what Jecht wrote on it and made her promise to not show Tidus it.

"That's okay. I'm not going to lie to you though Light, it was just a distraction technique to get you talking... if I really wanted to know I could just ask Tidus himself." Yuna said as she could see the pink haired woman nodding her head as Yuna just looked at her a little glad that Lightning didn't take that in some wrong way and just accepted the statement at face value. "I figure that it was either this, ask you how you are, or how are you feeling with the new medication, or even how did the phone call last night went." Yuna started placing the ball down next to her as she looked at Lightning before she continued her point. "I just know you don't like talking about yourself, it is too early for you to get a feeling for your medication and if the call went bad I have a feeling you'd be in isolation making Rosa and myself talk about sanctions."

Smiling softly as she began to pull her legs up, Lightning just couldn't help but laugh softly. "Well, you chose the right option, and if the call did go bad, chances are I'd beat the phone and possibly rip it off the wall."

' _ **Don't forget taking all the phones on the floor down if they didn't catch you fast enough.'**_


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter 52:

Tossing the ball gently between her hands, Yuna smiled softly as Lightning took a small sniff of the air she was a little curious as to what had changed but she was just glad that there had been a shift in Lightning's demeanour.

Gently tossing the ball towards the pink haired woman, Yuna chuckled as Lightning caught it. A smile starting to form as she spun the ball lightly around one hand before tossing it back towards Yuna who had started to laugh softly.

"You know, personally I was never that into Blitzball until I saw the smile it gave my father. It was actually how I met Jecht and Auron. They were close friends of his. Kind of how I met Tidus... sort of. Who can do a lot more amusing tricks." Yuna said as she started to spin the ball on her finger tip as Lightning stared at her.

"How do you only kind of meet someone?" Lightning asked just lunging softly forward to catch the ball and smiled as she felt the toughened leather fall into her hands.

"Well we met, but Jecht for long swaths of time would train on his boat in the middle of the ocean and since Tidus was five he would join in them so I never really got time to be with him until he turned sixteen. So I didn't really get to meet him properly until then. But personally I actually prefer it that way. Especially from what I've heard from Jecht who claimed his childhood years was like living with the embodiment of sin. Whatever that means. A sentiment his mother shares." Yuna chuckled softly as she caught the ball Lightning tossed back at her. "Kind of wish I could do any tricks. But I've never been much of a sporty person."

Smiling softly, Lightning began to pull her knees to her chest as Yuna just continued to smile at her as she began to try again to spin the ball on her finger tips. A sight that Lightning knew she had seen from years of trying to teach Serah some basic tricks.

"Tricks aren't overly hard... especially if you understand the science behind it. Even if at points it seems contradictory. Like it stabilises better if you spin it faster. Like a reverse spinning top." Lightning said as Yuna just smiled and lowered the ball down next to her.

"I'll be sure to try it out later. I'd be killed though if I didn't do the normal 'doctory' things right now. Like if I tried to get you to open up a little. How has the voice been?" Yuna said as she could see Lightning just smile faintly at the comment as though it had been an amusing joke to her. The type of joke that despite all this time would still be amusing to her.

"It has spent just about the entire day making either crass or childish jokes. A few times the jokes have been both crass and childish." Lightning muttered as she she could hear a small laugh from Yuna that she just knew wasn't from being directed at her, but more so from how random it seemed.

"I'm so sorry." Yuna gasped out as she covered her mouth with a hand. "That is very unprofessional. I just wasn't expecting that. Do you not like jokes like that? I find almost everyone likes a dirty joke. At least if you find the right joke." Yuna asked softly as she looked towards Lightning who had a calm expression on her face.

"I don't. That kind of thing gets drilled out of your head with my family. No doubt that somewhere people had tried to do it literally. I'm just glad it stopped laughing once it was done saying each one. And I wouldn't necessarily mind the childish ones if it hasn't been doing the whole banana knock knock joke for what feels like the last three hours. All the parts itself." Lightning hissed softly as she could hear a scoff coming from her head. Something that was just making her annoyed. But she could at least take some joy in the fact that the voice was at least being mature. At least comparatively speaking.

' _ **Light. This is so unfair. I've been being a good girl, and this is what you do? All I'm doing right now is taking bets with other parts about your mind such as an Electra complex you have. Kind of strange you are thinking your father like that. But what you think. Two to one odds that the cute butt redhead took her medication to day.'**_

"I don't even want to know from you..." Lightning muttered softly as she could see Yuna's look change to curiosity as Lightning frowned. "It is now apparently taking a bets with some parts of my mind about if Vanille took her medication. And brought up something called an 'Electra complex'."

Opening her mouth before closing it quickly, Yuna took a deep breath before she opened her mouth again to speak, "Resolved or unresolved?"

' _ **Tell her resolved. You are weird but not weird enough to have that shit unresolved.'**_

"Apparently resolved." Lightning said as Yuna nodded her head in understanding. "Now can you just explain what it is?" Lightning asked just hoping that it would be enough to get some answer that wasn't going to be tainted by the voice just trying to screw with her.

"Some psychiatrists say it is crucial stage for the development of a girl around age three where we begin to associate sex with our father. Generally when it is unresolved if you believe in that you try and find father substitutes." Yuna spoke trying to explain it in terms that Lightning could grasp but the sight of her just shivering at the thought that Yuna knew in her experience of the understanding of it. "Yeah... that is generally how most people take it. The male version if you are curious is called an Oedipus complex named after the play."

' _ **We did like that play way back when.'**_

"Ew. Just so much ew." Lightning hissed softly as she began to shiver before covering her arms and glaring lightly at the ground. It was probably the least disgusting thing to have ever happened in the past few minutes.

"Yeah. I agree. Probably why I'd rather pretend those things didn't exist, and I can think of a few doctors here that are of a similar mindset. That is the problem with this field. You find theories like that a lot. And you can't exactly avoid some of them." Yuna sheepishly responded. "But maybe we should start wrapping up. There is still your talk with Rosa coming up. And I'm sure you don't want to be thinking about that." Yuna continued as she could see Lightning just nod her head in acceptance.

' _ **Pfft. You are just a prude. By the way, you want to get in on this action? I'll give you even money odds that she took them and three to one that she didn't.**_ '

Taking a deep breath Lightning just looked up towards the clock causing her to just smile at the fact that she had five minutes to get that disturbing lesson out of her head. Which she doubted that it would be fully out of her head ever, but with her history she could at least hope she could forget it forever.

* * *

Humming softly, Vanille continued to bounce lightly in her seat as she nudge the food around her plate, wondering why it had taken Lightning so long to be done, but she had to admit that it was still nice to eat something without the muttering on one side, or from the twins trying to fight each other from Palom still trying to nurse Porom and Porom getting fed up with his constant forcing the situation so she needs help.

She just wished that Hope would stop his sulking because she did kind of miss talking to someone while she ate. Just something from it made her enjoy the situation. But the sight of Lightning walking into the room with a small exhausted look on her face caused Vanille to raise an eyebrow. Something that she just knew she would need to question once Lightning had gotten her meal.

Scooping some of the stray pieces of noodles and cheese up, Vanille just had to smile as she tasted the breadcrumb crunch that she wasn't sure if it was from the crust or what. But all she did know was it was delicious. She just wished that it wasn't probably the leftovers from yesterday just reheated.

Laughing a little at the sight of Lightning taking a seat across from her, Vanille couldn't help but see that Lightning had relaxed significantly. "You alright Light? You seem a bit drained. It isn't the medication messing with you is it? Because if it is I'll just like to say that you now know the wacky world of antidepressants, and how they mess with your brain. It isn't fun. Just better than breaking into the cleaning supplies closet and just slamming whatever is in there."

"What? No. I just learned a gross thing about life and development. And then had to go over a bunch of the rules because of that dog training thing because that is coming up in a few weeks and Rosa wanted me to really make sure I know everything because I'm the first in the building in a long time to get one." Lightning said softly as she could see Vanille almost shine as if she remembered that was a thing that was meant to happen. "Apparently it isn't necessarily against the rules to let them get pet it is actually encouraged provided I don't let it get swarmed." Lightning said hoping it would cause the teen to relax.

Lightning was wrong.

Bouncing out of joy Vanille couldn't help but wonder what it was going to be like. She hadn't after all seen an animal that she could touch in a long time. The last time in fact was before she was placed inside this building that she was confident was crushing her dreams and hopes for the world. Especially the more and more she was learning about Cocoon culture.

"I get to smoosh its adorable face?" Vanille practically begged as Lightning just smiled as she reached across to grab Vanille's hands gently and holding onto them just to make sure she didn't fall off her seat from bouncing in her spot. Something that she could tell was going to happen if she let it get to that point. Something that came abruptly as she glared lightly at Lightning. "You aren't going to hog all the cuddles are you?"

' _ **Light she is scaring me. Tell her we won't. I may be able to scare the ever loving shit out of you but that is just you going for a jolly. She can actually harm you.**_ _ **W**_ _ **ouldn't be surprised if we woke up with a knife in our side. And I'm not sure about you but once is enough for me.'**_

Gently letting go of Vanille's hands, Lightning began to try and slide them away when the redhead quickly latched onto them to hold them still. "I won't Vanille. I don't even personally think it will do anything positive for me. Just can you stop barging in then? You know I don't like that." Lightning said as Vanille relented on her death grip on her hands.

"Fine. I just don't get the whole keeping a door closed. How are you meant to let people come in?" Vanille asked rhetorically as she turned back to what remained of her meal, no longer interested in it and more interested in just barely being able to restrain herself as she tried to figure out how long until Lightning got the puppy and therefore she'd get to pet and shower it with affection.

"That is the point. I don't do well with people. It is why I prefer to either be early or late to the meals."

"You've lost me again. But what are you going to read to me today?" Vanille asked just changing the subject as she picked up what remained of her food and placed it into her mouth with a small hum of enjoyment. Because to Vanille the day was just looking more and more like the perfect day to her. All she needed to do was call Fang if she could remember the satellite phone number Fang liked to use when she was down on Gran Pulse.

"I'd like to get a run in first Van. I'm feeling cooped up. And if I get any more cooped up I might get forced to call my family again and I don't really like rolling those dice." Lightning said softly as Vanille nodded her head in faux understanding. "It is okay if you don't understand. I don't expect anyone to. I mean my sister doesn't even get it some of the time. She does however agree with the amount of pressure we are under every time we go outside to always be at the top of everything accepting nothing less. Even when it came to me doing opera apparently." Lightning said as Vanille gave an almost thankful expression as she groaned and looked at her.

The two of them falling into silence as Lightning began to eat what was possibly the first of many plates of food until the kitchen staff will deem her as safe to go until dinner. Something that was just a constant astonishment to Vanille and from what she has heard it has become a little bit of an urban legend already of where it went and they had even started to link it to why she was in there with them.

Picking up the last bite, Vanille placed it into her mouth as she swallowed the slightly painful mouthful with a cheery grin as she looked at Lightning. "So... if it got out to the public you were in here... you'd need to be the best crazy person?" Vanille asked as Lightning just dryly chuckled. "Not that I would. I only know like one number off the top of my head. And even then I do have issues with remembering that. I kind of always need Rosa to remind me... and which one is six and which one is nine."

"I'd be pulled out, whoever leaked the information would probably be never heard from again. And this place would probably end up in shambles as my family sets aside a weekend to do just that. Leaving me to be probably having a chunk of my brain removed so I'd be a drooling person and any rights the first born traditionally gets would fall to my sister with the exception of any dowry. Which would be substantial... that would then fall to the first man who my family could use to further their own motives. And I wouldn't be the first female in my family for that to happen to." Lightning said hoping it would quell just enough of Vanille's curiosity even though she really didn't fear Vanille doing anything of the sort.

"Cheery... but wait. How would you live missing any amount of your brain?" Vanille asked a little curious as Lightning just smiled at her. "I mean, I was always taught without a brain an animal dies. If not... I may have done some terrible things to some while tanning with their brains to get some super soft leather." Vanille said softly as Lightning just chuckled a little.

"A whole brain, yeah that will kill any animal. But parts you can live without. You just won't be the same. But the practice I was referring to is a medical procedure used in places like this not all that long ago. Only about seventy years. It is called a lobotomy. It is still a thing done but it is a drastic last case scenario because while you will still breath and your heart will still beat... you'll just lose everything that made you you. Your wants, your dreams, your emotions all gone." Lightning said with a smile as she could see Vanille pale a little. "Again Vanille, it is a last case scenario in these places. Even in places that host exclusively criminally insane people don't tend to do it. Because there is no fix to it. Not like with medication." Lightning continued as she could see some of the colour return before she slumped a little.

"Your family has done that to their own children? That seems monstrous." Vanille gasped as Lightning just turned back to her meal with a calm expression. It was almost as if Lightning had no issues with what she had just got done explaining it.

Swallowing the mouthful, Lightning just couldn't help but chuckle at the near panic stricken look Vanille had over it. "Relax. It has only been done twice. Both for alcohol, sex, and just general misdemeanour crimes. Costs too much to keep people silent for those kinds of things." Lightning said as she smiled faintly, "You going to eat that fruit cup?" Lightning asked as Vanille gasped faintly as she lunged for the cup as though to protect it.

"How can you be so calm about this sort of thing?" Vanille asked a little indignant as Lightning just continued to chuckle at her. "Don't you laugh at my concern."

"Don't worry about it Vanille. If you are seriously that concerned don't call the press or just pray if someone does my mother will stick her neck out for me. Something I don't remember first hand, but I am assured that she has done it. Even if I don't believe the voice."

' _ **She has... But have you not noticed, I've been a good girl... now when the pupper gets here, like we agreed you must cuddle it and give it pats and we must make it the cutest thing ever so it can defend itself against bad people who don't like puppers. You know... the things that can't possibly be humans.'**_


	53. Chapter 53

Chapter 53:

Placing the finished book down on her nightstand, Lightning just wondered why Vanille had insisted they lay together like they were. It wasn't even a case of she didn't seem to mind it. It was actually a little pleasant of a feeling to her. She wasn't sure way it was, or even what really put it in her mind, but all she knew was, Vanille laying down in front of her, holding a tight grip on her arm draping it over her waist.

But, Lightning was just going to be content with how it was making her feel. There was a sense of joy to the knowledge that it was either from her medication starting to kick in after her first dose, or just from the fact that Vanille was just there with her.

"That was a nice book." Vanille spoke softly as she turned around, gently in the arm she was forcing around her waist. Just smiling faintly as she she began to roll Lightning onto her back as she laughed softly at the ease at which Vanille had been able to shift her.

"I thought you might like it."

' _ **Hey Light I got my tax guy in here... do you mind if I claim you as a business ex... hold on a sec. I thought 'Madam I'm not a Lesbian' didn't like women. These are some pretty bright red flags.'**_

Taking a deep breath to ignore the voice, Lightning just stared into Vanille's almost tired expression, wondering why Vanille was grabbing her other arm and draping it over her back as well. Something that was making Lightning more and more confused as Vanille began to nestle into her chest.

"Um..." Lightning began as Vanille's head popped up.

"How can a girl get a nap in if your chest is so uncomfortable?" Vanille complained softly sitting up as Lightning let her hands just fall behind her feeling her sit on her palms. Just the sight of her slightly peeved look was something that causing Lightning to just raise an eyebrow at. "Seriously... your chest feels like it is a wall. How am I meant to rest my head?"

' _ **You feel that Light? Her butt is super firm. Just give it a squeeze to make sure. Do it for science. Maybe kiss her as well. Again for science!'**_

Lightning rolled her eyes as she could see Vanille lightly feel around her side and frowned further. "The hell are you wearing under your top?" Vanille asked as Lightning could only feel more curious.

"It is a sports bra. It is the only comfortable ones I've found. So sue me." Lightning said as she could see Vanille just raising her eyebrows at her. Something that she was becoming less and less sure she knew how she was meant to handle this situation. But there was one question that was coming to mind. "You do know what a bra is do you?" Lightning asked carefully as she could see Vanille just glaring lightly at her.

"No I don't know what that is. And if it feels uncomfy on the outside it must suck being in one." Vanille said trying to reason with Lightning who just laid back a bit easier as she took a deep breath. Just so she could figure out a way to say what was to come next without needing to explain what it is really. But she was sure Serah would get at least a bit of a laugh out of this situation next time she was talking to her. Even if she would be blushing.

"They are something women wear to prevent the muscles holding up their breasts from stretching out overtime causing sagging and other muscle strains but also for the muscles in our backs for similar reasons. And it isn't that uncomfortable wearing it. I  _do_  have an uncomfortable one, but somewhat intentionally left that one at home." Lightning spoke causing Vanille to pout a little. Something that she had no idea why but it was hurting her a little.

' _ **I always knew she didn't wear one. Her boobies just have a perkiness about them. But come on Light. You need to squeeze those cheeks and kiss those lips.'**_

Sighing a little, Lightning began to debate if it was really going to be something that was worth it. Groaning internally, Lightning stopped herself from doing what the voice was begging her to. At least for now, it wasn't worth any sort of risk.

"It feels so uncomfortable though. I mean have you ever rested your head on boobs? I imagine it feels like when a mother holds you while you are a baby." Vanille pouted as she began to lay down again. Sulking the entire time as Lightning couldn't help but just smile a little. "I mean I didn't have a luxury like that growing up. Or most actually. So I've just had to assume some things and hope I can recreate the feeling... like a hug from a parent... or your mother holding onto you."

"To be fair Vanille. I don't know those feelings either. My Father... it is best I don't get into the shit he has done. And my Mother would rather hand me and my sister off to our nannies and maids. And even then I was taken by Dysley when I was six. So I'm not filled with warm memories." Lightning said as Vanille just dryly chuckled at. A sentiment that Lightning often had seen with people who didn't know her life story. "But I mean, most mothers are the first people to hold their babies besides the doctors."

"My Mom wandered into Oerba, bleeding from a monster attack and gave birth to me nearly on the streets as her last action. Which isn't uncommon on Gran Pulse... at least it wasn't. And no one knew who my Dad was. I mean I was the only orphan in Oerba history that no one knew a thing about I mean they only thought I was a 'Dia' because of my hair and eyes but was hard for them because the Dia's were considered long extinct."

' _ **Oh my god. Just kiss her to shut her up Light. I'll forgive the lack of squeezing those tight buttocks if you give her a peck on the lips. You don't need to use tongue. I'd like it, but not needed.'**_

As the voice continued, Lightning just groaned lightly as she leaned the short distance to plant a kiss on Vanille's lips. She wasn't sure why that wasn't the thing she should be repulsed by with the voice, but just the feeling of Vanille returning the kiss was something that was a shocking thing to her.

It was something that she shouldn't be doing, and frankly to Lightning, she should be shoved away and practically run for the hills from her. But there Vanille was, sitting on her lap, legs on either side effectively pinning her deepening the kiss.

She could feel a small thing prodding her bottom lip causing some confusion when she began to piece it together was Vanille's tongue. Opening her mouth about to ask, she was shocked as she could feel Vanille's tongue entering her mouth causing Lightning's tongue. Just the feeling was starting to make Lightning feel a little uncomfortable.

' _ **Yup... you totally aren't a lesbian. Nope. No siree bub. Totally straight'**_

The voice for once wasn't bothering her making a claim like that. But what was, was the thought of how she was practically forcing Vanille to do this. This kind of thing that she knew from her dreams was making her feel worse. But what was even worse, was what was seemingly clawing at the recesses of her mind of the blonde haired woman that was Dysley's right hand man doing something similar to her.

Lightning quickly shoved Vanille back being gentle as she began to panic breathing wise. She wasn't sure why... but she could feel some faint memories clawing at her mind. Something that was making her want to just crawl into a small corner.

Sliding her legs out from under Vanille with ease Lightning began to push herself towards the corner of her bed as she began to take some deep breaths as she began to wrap her arms around her legs taking near panicked breaths.

' _ **Light, calm down. You certainly aren't like Jihl. Hell Vanille deepened the kiss. You need to relax.'**_

The voice spoke calmly as Lightning began to just have a near meltdown. Something that Vanille did recognise, she just wasn't sure how bad of a meltdown it was. That was the one thing she had learned from all the time she had been with Lightning. Her meltdowns could be anywhere from her being a child again to her attacking people. But just the thought that she was the person to induce such a thing while they were kissing, was enough to hurt her deeply.

"Light..." Vanille said softly as she began to venture forth sheepishly, not sure if at any moment Light could attack her and do serious harm. Something that she had proven multiple times she had proven she could do and do with a near lethal ease. "Light... it was just a kiss." Vanille said as she stretched one hand out being careful to pull it back if Lightning was to snap. And then, just maybe she'd get by with no injuries.

Gently cupping Lightning's face, Vanille was at least a little glad that Lightning didn't go the aggressive route with her meltdown. Gently reaching forward with her other hand, Vanille began to cup Lightning's other cheek as she could see the panicked breaths return in a much more rapid and random patterns causing Vanille to just take a deep breath.

"Light. I know it is hard, but remember to just actively take long deep breaths." Vanille said as she tried to mimic what she was saying if she wasn't well and truly terrified. Hell it was at the point that Vanille wasn't even sure if she could do something without snapping over whatever fragile house of cards she had getting blowen over.

' _ **Light, seriously calm down. Nothing bad is going to happen. Jihl is dead. And it would take some major fuck ups for you to become like her. That tart trying to calm you down has a shorter trip but still a very far journey to becoming as bad as Jihl.'**_

"Light I seriously need you to calm down." Vanille began feeling some tears burning in the corner of her eyes because she knew if she didn't manage that near herculean feat she was going to need to get a doctor and explain how it happened because they broke a rule. One that was starting to make a little sense all of a sudden to the redhead.

' _ **Light. If you don't calm down, she is going to get a doctor, if she gets a doctor it is going to come out you two kissed which will not only make its way back to your parents which is a whole different type of headache, but also highly against the rules which can mean no more calls to Serah. No more visits from Serah. So just take some deep breaths to calm yourself down.'**_

Lightning wasn't sure really what was going on, especially with the near panic in the voice's tone, but something she knew was calming her down. That was when her eyes actually fixated on Vanille's emerald orbs staring at her trying their best to make sure that she was alright. Something that was so soft and gentle that was actually making Lightning's breaths come in far more panic until she noticed Vanille's hands retract from her face as though she was happy Lightning could keep her head there as she began to gesture with her hands the act of breathing in and breathing out.

She had no idea how long it took. Could have been a couple of minutes, could have been hours. But all Lightning knew was she did eventually gain control of her breaths once more. Which lead to her arms unspooling around her legs. Followed by a relieved look starting to dawn on the admittedly pretty face.

"Where did you go?" Vanille chuckled out overjoyed that she didn't need to tell anyone that she broke a rule just so it would save a patient from a mountain of pain and suffering. Something that the redhead knew that her conscience would have won out quickly with. Which would lead to a severe punishment if she didn't come clean instantly about and she knew Rosa knew now how to really tighten the screws around her.

"I... I just..." Lightning began feeling a bit lost if she could even tell Vanille what was going on with her. Hell Lightning was even having issues with explaining what happened with herself. But for now she knew that she could at least trust Vanille a lot more because of what she did. "I forced you to kiss me... I'm no better than Jihl Nabaat." Lightning hissed to herself as Vanille just began to laugh.

"Light, it was a kiss. One that I actually really enjoyed until you started to panic." Vanille said as Lightning began to crawl out from the corner she had found herself in as Vanille just chuckled a little more. "And if memory serves me, you are so much better than her. I mean the fact you felt bad for starting a kiss while I was getting sad to cheer me up is proof enough you aren't a bad person." Vanille said as she laid down on Lightning's chest before frowning. "And seriously the hell is a bra?"

Smiling down at the mass of red hair just resting on her chest, glad that at least Vanille felt good about it at least, she was just glad that Vanille was as quick to explain her reasoning as she was about moving on from a topic. If just because it meant that she wasn't going to push Lightning to explain something as complex as the inner workings of her mind that she even got lost in over something so small.

"It is to keep my breasts from causing muscle pains. A sports bra like I'm wearing just has the added benefit of making them look smaller." Lightning said as she could see Vanille's head pop up again to look at her with a raised eyebrow. "Yes my boobs are bigger but not by much. They just look smaller." Lightning said as Vanille just continued to stare at Lightning as if she was trying to judge how serious Lightning was.

Sighing at how Lightning was either telling the truth or at least Vanille couldn't read a lie from her. She just made a mental note next time Lightning is showering that she could use one to just make sure that Lightning wasn't lying.

"Who cares about a bit of muscle pain when you are older if you are uncomfortable now? I mean mine hurt when I sleep on my front by myself." Vanille said as she felt Lightning just draping an arm over her from her own free will. It made her feel a lot better about what had happened if just because Lightning was suddenly a lot more open and she didn't need to force Lightning into a situation that pained her. "I mean I know some women in the village would use lengths of cloth to cover their chest... I think Yuel does that as well. But just the thought of that. No thank you." Vanille said as Lightning chuckled gently at.

"It is the same principle just bras if you find the right one, or in my case type, it is quicker to get on and off plus they can actually be comfortable." Lightning said as she gently began to run her hand along the side of Vanille. A smile began to form as she could feel Vanille pulling her tighter to her. She wasn't sure why it was causing that kind of reaction.

To Lightning, happiness was something that always came at the bottom of the list for benefits that happened. It was even at the point that between Lightning and Serah there was even a joke about how to the outside world they seemed a bit stoic and didn't care as long as they got results.

' _ **Why Light, it is simple why you are happy. Want me to tell you? Or would you rather continue to spend time in that river? Just if you are going to choose the river, watch out for crocs. Because we all know the nile crocodile are still around and they tend to chomp.'**_

Letting out a sharp exhale, Lightning wasn't sure if she should respond because she knew what the voice was going to say. It was going to make some snide comment followed by calling Lightning a lesbian. Something that she knew she wasn't. She couldn't be.

' _ **I'll take that as you are going back into the river. Just don't go swimming half an hour after eating. You don't want stomach cramps.'**_

"Hey Light?" Vanille asked causing Lightning to finally remember her presence causing her to look down towards her. Beginning to shift herself around once more so she was looking into Light's eyes. "Do you mind if we kiss again? It did actually make me feel a lot better. And I know it is against the rules and you are an outright girl scout for those... but it really did make me feel a lot better."

' _ **Watch out Light. There is a croc. You might want to come out of denial.'**_

Groaning internally Lightning planted a short and chaste kiss on Vanille's lips before pulling back and smiling at her. "Better?" Lightning asked as Vanille just smiled and rested her head back down onto her chest.

"A lot better." Vanille said as she closed her eyes a little letting out a short hum. "So do you have any preference about what type of puppies they are bringing by tomorrow and by extension what type you'll get?" Vanille asked just wanting to talk just so she didn't fall asleep because this would be a terrible position to be caught in.

"It is all the same to me. I never had an animal before Vanille. I don't even know what types of dogs there are."

"I'm sure you'll love it either way. Dogs are always a good judge of people. Even at a young age." Vanille spoke as she let out a loud yawn before hunkering down a bit better. So she could get as comfortable on Lightning's chest. "Bras are stupid by the way."


	54. Chapter 54

Chapter 54:

Knocking on the door, the orderly next to to him began to groan. "I don't see why we need to knock. We don't for any other patient." The man spoke as his friend glanced towards him with an almost sinister but exhausted smile.

"Dude, this woman took on nine men from the south building while they were testing if she was allergic to any sedatives with not a scratch on her. She took on Kain and knocked him out in seconds while having muscle spasms from low blood sugar. You know Kain the ex army guy on staff that has been seen and confessed to doing torture on people with their own body parts. He even snapped Ignis' hand for trying to take his place cooking. If the doctors are telling me to knock for her, I'm knocking. If you want to roll the dice with this woman feel free to go get the unlock key from Sazh or Doctor Farrell." The man corrected his companion with seemingly zero shame to just wait out in the hallway, if not secretly hoping that it would take them a while until one of the girls doctors came by to help them.

Balling his hand up again, he began to pound on the door slightly harder as he heard a yawn coming from next to him. Jumping at the sight of the blonde and brunette doctors standing there causing him to blanch a little just hoping that they didn't hear what he was starting to believe were just rumours surrounding this one patient.

"We can't wait all morning. People have things they need to do. And we need to get her to the north building for a few hours. So just stand back." Rosa said seemingly ignoring the man's panic as Rose slid a key from the rings as she held out the plastic coffee mug to Yuna to hold onto as she slid the key into the lock before gently opening the door to see Lightning, pressing herself against the ground with a clear layer of sweat causing Yuna and Rosa to just sigh internally at the sight. "Did you not hear the knocking?" Rosa asked as she placed the key back into her pocket, giving it a gentle tap as she could see Lightning just continuing what she was doing.

"I wasn't sure if it was real or not. The voice has been just adding sounds to its list of things to annoy me." Lightning said as she placed her knees down before shoving her entire upper half into a mock kneeling position as she stared at the two doctors walking into her room. "It is kind of weird I'm seeing the both of you at once. Did I do something against the rules?"

Yuna just smiled as she handed Rosa the plastic cup as she walked around a short bit just taking in the sight of the room. "You didn't break the rules Lightning unless there is something we haven't been told about. Hell the fact you are up makes this easier. We need to go to the north building so you can get your temporary puppy, and some people need to install the puppy's cage." Yuna sung out as Rosa just glared lightly at her.

"How the hell can you be this wired? It is six thirty... I've only been up an hour and a half and I'm not even close to being fully awake." Rosa asked as Yuna just smiled at her as she looked at Lightning grabbing a dirty shirt to seemingly dry the sweat off before walking over to grab one of the hoodies she liked to wear.

"I'm a morning person and don't typically drink anything heavily caffeinated. Plus Tidus made me this lovely breakfast which I can already assume is his way of trying to bribe me so I don't ask him about if we can get a puppy this year. Which I'm still going to ask so he'll do a one up next year." Yuna said as she looked towards Lightning who cracked her neck as she walked over towards her shoes. "How did you sleep by the way Light? And if you need a small towel so you don't need use your dirty clothes to dry the sweat, you can request one. Or even ask your family to bring an extra one next visit." Yuna spoke just trying to move the conversation away from the topic of morning routines comes up. Just because she knew how Rosa would get for a while.

"It's fine. I brought one, I just don't want to dig it out right now. Rosa clearly wants to speed this up anyways for some reason." Lightning said as she flicked the hood down before she just smiled and walked towards the doctors just sliding her hands into the single pocket with a smile on her features.

"I'm not a morning person. I'll be fine in like an hour. But can we just hurry up? If just because there is still some red tape I need to handle, and it is still a lot easier if we all just go at once." Rosa said, taking a large gulp from the plastic mug just enjoying the slight burn she was feeling from the extra dose of caffeine. Turning around to see the two orderlies standing still as if they were waiting their next orders. "Get maintenance, Kain and Sazh up here." Rosa said as she gestured for them to leave as she spun back around as Lightning seemingly relaxed further from the lack of people blocking the exits.

Smiling as she took a few steps next to Yuna who seemingly had continued to look around the room. "So where are you thinking would be the best place for the puppy's cage? Or do you not mind?" Yuna asked as Lightning quickly pointed to a spot on the floor raising Yuna's curiosity. "That would be cutting down on your floor space? Are you sure."

"I know what it is like in a cage and while I can't speak for dogs, I do know that it would have made me feel a lot better if I could at least see someone while I was in the cage... I can keep the door to the cage open as well right? The rules just said it was to my discretion unless the dog attacks someone. In which case the organisation takes the dog back and the until they get the dog again the orderlies well take it and the cage." Lightning asked as she could see Yuna and Rosa almost trying to put the pieces together.

"Sounds like you do understand the rules and ramifications. So it is as you said, it is up to you to ultimately decide." Yuna said speaking for Rosa as well as she could see Lightning just smiling faintly before she spun around to face the duo with an almost relieved look on her face. "Is it really that bad to be in a cage?" Yuna asked as Lightning could feel her smile falling a little before she caught it.

One word broke the silence from Lightning. "Yes." The near terrified pink haired woman spoke, her voice nearly breaking as she could almost hear them begging for her to speak further on the point. "From the faint memories... it is just dreadful. Cold metal... biting air... scarcely enough room to even move properly. Feeling contained and unable to escape at the mercy of whoever is walking past..." Lightning muttered as she just stared into the spot intently.

She wasn't sure how long she had been staring, or even what she was saying when she felt a hand rest on her arm snapping her out of whatever trance she was in causing her to shake her head a little as she looked towards Yuna who had a slight worried look on her face. One that did cause some worry for Lightning but knew that largely whatever the worry was about she could just gleam over it with her.

"Sorry..." Lightning sheepishly said as Yuna lightly tapped the patient's shoulders. "It is just... I don't know what came over me. I just could have sworn I saw it again... it is a far cry from what this place has. At least I can at least stretch fully." Lightning said with a small chuckle as she began to walk towards the door where Rosa had been standing.

' _ **You know Light, as I've been up here playing with my new klaxon and even I don't buy that. I mean you just had a ptsd style flashback of our first home away from father. Mind you, I bet we could still fit in a cage like that.'**_

Sighing a little, Lightning could hear the same pseudo ringing sound coming from her ears as she could see a the trio walking out of the elevator with a near equally tired expression on their face as Lightning just couldn't help but laugh internally at the sight of the blonde chef yawning softly into his hand, coming to a stop next to Lightning.

"Rosa, do I seriously need to be up here? I have some things going to test about a menu change for fall and winter." The blonde said before shaking his head quickly before he looked towards Lightning. "Don't worry about the oatmeal though. It is like the only thing Rosa allows for breakfast because it is like completely allergen free." Kain continued as Lightning just stared at him.

"I like oatmeal though. Only thing I have complaint wise about it is the servings are just too small... and it could use some cream but then it would have an allergen." Lightning said crossing her arms as she could feel Yuna just behind her smiling.

"Rosa, we should move along because the hallway is going to get cramped soon and we are meant to be done by breakfast time in the north building." Yuna spoke just hoping to speed this along as the blonde doctor pinched the bridge of her nose as she took a deep breath.

"Kain, you are coming as well. Cecil insisted and he knows I don't put up much of a fight for this kind of thing without coffee. Sazh, make sure maintenance does its job building the cage, facing the bed just under the shelves. Once that is done, close the door on the way out." Rosa snipped at just about every member of staff there as she turned towards Lightning and Yuna. "Come on I just want to finish my coffee, get some more and get this done with... I hate doing red tape." Rosa said as she started to lead the path with Lightning having a small skip in her step catching up with just a slight smile knowing that everything was going to be fine in her room.

Even if she didn't typically enjoy people in her room when she wasn't there, she knew Sazh enough to know he would be professional and keep the group of near mystery men busy and focused on the task at hand. It actually made her feel a little bit better at the fact that she knew that this was just a stepping stone for her mental health to get better.

' _ **Say Light... do you think we can get some of those guys in jumpsuits fired? I am of course only talking about until we have that adorable pupper in our hands. Then you can do whatever as long as you are patting the soft head.'**_

Lightning just sighed as she could see them walking out of the backdoor and clear over to the fencing where a van sat. Grabbing the handle Rosa gave it a sharp tug and opened the door. "Yuna get in first, then Light then Kain." Rosa said as Yuna just smiled and quickly climbed in.

Sliding up next to the brunette, Lightning just took a deep breath feeling a little claustrophobic but a thought occurred. "We are we driving? Is walking seriously that hard?"

"No so much hard. More so long. The buildings are a few miles apart. Why does being in a vehicle like this really make you feel uncomfortable?" Yuna asked as Lightning just sighed softly as she looked towards the front enjoying the sight of the sun's early rays piercing everything of the night.

"Just... claustrophobic... didn't even know I could get that way short of being on a train." Lightning said as she began to pull her arms closer to her chest as though she was trying to keep a defensive stance while still sitting.

' _ **To be fair Light... that is like the only phobia we really have. That and siderodromophobia... Freud is so stupid. Why did you spend so much of your youth when we got back from hell reading him? Him and what's his face... the depressing philosophy guy. You know what's his face... the guy with the moustache.'**_

"Not much help." Lightning muttered softly as she she could just feel Yuna staring at her carefully. Taking a deep breath as she could just feel the fact that she was starting to get exhausted by the eyes on her, Lightning just looked towards Yuna. "It wasn't a dangerous thing... just wanted me to remember a person's name with as vague a description as possible. I keep telling you Yuna... the voice typically just likes to annoy me right now." Lightning said softly as to not have the car's other inhabitants get worried about her.

"If you say so." Yuna said as she began to look around as a question popped into her head. "Say Light, have you ever had a pet before? You seem like the type that would have at least one. Possibly more." Yuna asked, in a slightly louder tone to get the attention of Rosa without out right asking for it.

"No. According to my Father they breed weakness into a person and Farrons are many things but one of those isn't weak. We are meant to be ruthless to everyone and everything that isn't an immediate family member. And as the first born I'm not even meant to have soft feelings for them either." Lightning said as she could feel a slight chill as they started to come to a stop. A smile just grew as she knew that it would mean that she could actually do something and get out of the cramped space.

Seeing Rosa open her door followed by the door next to Kain who seemed to be just as happy to get out of the car. A sentiment that Lightning could share as she practically barrelled out of the van. She could feel the worry she had been feeling start to subside as she spun around and could see Yuna climbing out with a near purpose. Lightly dusting the pants she had been wearing, she just smiled with a slight pop as she turned to face Rosa.

As the duo whispered, Lightning turned to the chef who had a smile on his face. "You know, you are like the third person I've known to legitimately like oatmeal over a hot breakfast. This first is myself, the second is Rosa's husband, Cecil." Kain said as he looked towards Lightning who just shrugged her shoulder.

"If people have gone hungry before... they wouldn't turn down any meal. Oatmeal is just one of the few foods I've found to be actually filling for me. I mean you've seen me eat." Lightning muttered as she could hear a small laugh coming from the man. "I've already taken you down once... I'll do it again. I don't like people laughing at me." Lightning hissed softly as she could see Yuna and Rosa glance back at her before turning back to what they were talking about.

"I'm not laughing at you. It is just you can always tell people who have been at death's door from starvation when it comes to how they eat. Especially when it is a relatively recent thing. But looks like we're heading in." Kain said as he gestured Lightning to follow the two doctors into the building. "Plus, in a fair fight, you'd have a lot more trouble. I seldom get tricked by the same thing twice and I do have years of being in the army. So I can hold my own against a teenager."

"Kain! Get up here. You aren't along to get into fights." Rosa yelled as the man just shook his head and began to take some steps forward as Yuna started to take some steps back to measure up how Lightning was feeling.

"You know the same goes for you. One of the big stipulations is you don't get into fights. Especially in here. These people are the closest to being cured. One of the reasons almost all the time this privilege is given here first. Because these animals will seldom be given to people who really are close to any other patient. So you will be under stricter rules Light." Yuna chided softly as Lightning took a deep breath to just calm down.

"I know. It is just he was laughing because I was making my stance on oatmeal clear and I assumed he was laughing at me." Lightning said softly as Yuna just smiled and lightly patted Lightning's back. It was a curious gesture from Lightning. She had no idea what Yuna had meant by it, but what she did know was it was feeling strange.

She knew that it was going to be something that if she brought it up to anyone she was going to be looked at like she had several heads. No matter how much she tried to explain how strange it felt to her. Knowing that she couldn't really talk to anyone about it, Lightning took a deep breath and just tried to shove it into the back of her mind.

As Kain held a door open, Lightning winced a little from the loud sound of yapping and preteens about as old as Palom and Porom smiling at the sight of the many pups as Lightning was funnelled into the room by Yuna.

Taking a deep breath, Lightning quickly clamped a hand over her nose from the overwhelming smell of the slightly wet looking dogs. She knew something had to be up with that but knew she could just ask later.

Walking to a corner, Lightning began to sit down as she could see the mass of yellow and brown coloured dogs happily playing with the other people in the room. She just couldn't help but smile at the sight of a single black looking dog walking towards.

' _ **Oh. My. GAWD! Light there are so many! Quick snuggle this black one.'**_

The desperation in the voice was something that made Lightning just chuckle softly as the small pup began to climb up onto Lightning's lap. Raising a hand to help the small guy, Lightning just wondered where the small amounts of mirth came from as she began to pet the small animal.

' _ **And you are smiling... I guess it is true. Doggos and puppers are truly magical. I like this one though. He seems quiet and isn't terrified of you like the others and even most of the people in the room. Brave pupper... we must call him Killhound. Or Vivi... unless he has a name. Please say he doesn't. That would be a drag.'**_

"I don't know if he does." Lightning said softly as she began to scratch the animal behind the ear.

' _ **We are so going to name him Vivi if he doesn't have one. Look at that cute face.'**_


	55. Chapter 55

Chapter 55:

Laughing lightly as she poked the pink tongue hanging out of the panting animal's mouth, Lightning just was wondering where this mirth was coming from. She had seen the same animal fall over five times from trying to best Lightning in a feat of strength by tugging on her sleeve with his sharp teeth.

It was just something of pure amusement to her, and she was starting to see some of the appeal if the animal was going to be like this all the time. She wished he was a little stronger, but knew that the dog was still a young puppy.

"You seem to be enjoying your time with..." Yuna said as she knelt down next to Lightning as she grabbed the small metal tag around his neck trying to figure out his name. "Vivi. Strange name. But I once had a pet Mastiff that my father got me that I dressed up as a unicorn named Kimahri... so weird names aren't that strange to me." Yuna said with a chuckle as Lightning looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Something that Yuna just had to laugh at. "I was four. And he actually loved it. I mean anytime someone except me tried to take the horn off he growled. I actually miss him, but he did live to a ripe old age of fourteen far past the ten his breed normally live."

Smiling a little at the sight of the puppy almost puffing his chest out in pride as Yuna started to gently scratch the top of the dog's head. Something that made Lightning just even more joyful. "How did you know his name?" Lightning asked softly causing Yuna to look at her with curiosity before it begun to click what it was about.

' _ **Oh lots of places. We saw his tag. His name was on the forms you totally read. You see, this is why it is important to actually read those legal documents. I had no idea our little guy would find us, but look at that.'**_

"What are you two talking about?" Yuna asked Lightning as she stood up and took a step back just to give Lightning some space if she was going to snap, she still could retreat instead of taking a punch from Lightning again. It took her what felt like days after the allergy test to get used to the pain her jaw was constantly in. "Is it something  _we_  need to talk about?" Yuna continued to ask as she could see Lightning just sighing softly as the puppy started to curl up on her lap almost possessively.

"Not really. It was suggesting names if Vivi didn't have one and one of them was Vivi making me curious how the voice knew it. Apparently this little guy is actually the one I'm meant to have." Lightning quipped as her hand came to a rest on the puppy's side. She couldn't help but chuckle as she continued to be overjoyed at the feeling of how the small guy had been just trying to stake a claim on Lightning. "Apparently it was in forms I read in Rosa's office. I'm just glad that he seems to have a slightly energetic temperament... means I get to go outside more later. And I do like fresh air." Lightning with a smile as she could see Rosa walking into the room with a slight skip in her step. Almost like this was a different person to the one she had been dealing with earlier.

' _ **Look at that. The miracle that is coffee has struck again. You think we'd be given a cup of joe or would you think that would mess with your medication.'**_

Hearing that comment Lightning just took a sharp inhale, as she could see Rosa looking around as she spoke up. "Okay, we need to hurry this up. It took a lot longer to sort things out with the trainers. There has been slight alteration this year for the length. Normally it is only for a week, or even in some cases two. But due to a very large donation from an anonymous benefactor who is represented by Nova Crystallis industries it is closer to six months this year."

' _ **Don't look now Light... but it looks like someone in your family wants you to have a pupper. My bet is either going to be Serah... or Father dearest unless Mother dearest has developed a spine in our absence. Which is super doubtful.'**_

"Anyone that doesn't think they are up to it for that long, can leave now. The rules won't change for the length of time. If you all want to stay in, remember the animal is meant to be with you nearly twenty four seven. The only exception is showers and bathroom visits. In which case the dog must be in its cage. Do I make myself clear?" Rosa said causing a chorus of acknowledgements across the room.

' _ **Light I swear if you bail out. That pupper is coming with us back to our room. We must have the cuddles and adorableness with us. I mean your family really went into the couch cushions to get us half a year with the pupper. Speaking of which I'm noticing a lack of smooshing his adorable face.'**_

"Fine... just shut up." Lightning hissed quietly as she poked the animal's face as she could see Rosa turn to her with a curious expression but Yuna just held up her hand as if to signal that it is fine. Sighing softly, Lightning just smiled at the sight of the puppy rolling off her lap.

Laughing softly, at the animal's sudden angry expression as though he thought someone had robbed him of this spot as he carefully started to climb up carefully back up onto Lightning's lap with an almost angry glare being directed at the other animals who hadn't stopped playing much to Lightning's surprise.

"So, everyone find your puppy. If you don't remember his or her name come to me."

* * *

Placing the canine down onto the floor, of her room, Lightning sighed softly as she knew that there had to be something that was up with everything. Especially given how she knew without a doubt that it was in fact one of the many companies her family uses as a shell.

The only thing stopping her from getting to the bottom of it quickly, was the fact that she knew without a doubt that in a matter of minutes Vanille was going to be back up to her to possibly continue gushing over the animal currently sniffing the ground of Lightning's room with an air off curiosity that Lightning had to admit that she was also feeling.

' _ **Say Light. Check out that guy's home. Is that the two thousand model?'**_

Lightning heard the voice jest at her as she took a few steps followed by her crouching down to undo the thick wire that acted as a latch. As she rested her hand on the grating that made up the body, she couldn't help but feel a little saddened at the maybe two happy memories she had of being near a cage like this.

' _ **I think it is actually bigger than the one we got when we turned seven. I'm jealous of an animal no matter how cute. Light this won't stand... how much you want to bet if you crawled in there you'll discover either Atlantis or some repressed memories. My money is on the sunken kingdom.'**_

Sighing softly, the pink haired woman could feel a tugging motion of her arm earning her curiosity. Glancing down she could see the animal trying to hold on desperately while it was playing with Lightning. Chuckling softly at the gesture, Lightning began to sway her arm to and fro as the dog began to bend down and strengthen its stance.

Laughing as she could hear a knock on her door, Lightning glanced over her shoulder. "Come in." Lightning said as she continued to shake her arm. Wondering why the animal was even back to playing with her as she could hear an almost coo coming from the room's new occupant.

"Close my door quickly. The little guy needs to stay in here." Lightning said as she glanced over and could see Vanille quickly slamming the door behind the twins, as they quickly hugged the wall causing Lightning to just smile faintly at them. "Going to be an interesting six months with this guy." Lightning said as she fell backwards a little from the dog opening his mouth to give a small bark.

Seeing Vanille quickly sprint to the animal's side, she began to scratch pet the puppy calmly as she looked towards Lightning who started to chuckle softly as she stared at the ceiling. "Six months? That is strange. Why is it that long? Normally it is just a week or two." Vanille asked as she could see the puppy climbing up onto Lightning's chest tugging lightly at the hem of Lightning's hoodie. "And if the tugging gets annoying, tap him once on the nose... or take Fang's approach and bite his ear. She wasn't overly popular with the village's dogs for that reason but they did respect her." Vanille spoke as she walked over to the bed, smiling softly as she took a seat on it with Palom and Porom who had a look of anxious longing to be closer to the animal.

"There was a la-" Lightning began loathing the tongue being dragged across her face despite the fact it was making her laugh. Gently picking the animal up as she sat up, Lightning just chuckled softly as she could see a mighty yawn coming from the animal as Lightning just continued to chuckle. "As I was saying, there was a large donation and according to Rosa the only stipulation was any dog that came here would stay for six months." Lightning said as she gently started to stand up with the animal in her arms as she walked towards her bed causing her to smile as she lowered the animal down onto the bed.

"Meet Vivi... he is going to be practically attached to my hip for a long time..." Lightning spoke as she walked back towards the cage, stopping for a second as she plucked a loose sock from a basket as she bent down and started tie the cage door open. A smile as she had to admit the voice was right.

The cage did seem a lot bigger than the ones she had when she was younger, even though she herself was bigger. Hell she was positive that if she pulled her knees to her chest that she could fit in there fairly comfortably. It was a shocking revelation.

' _ **Brings back some fond memories huh. Like that time Jihl took some pity on us and poured hot water into the cage as we were passing through the desert. Or that time Cid had decided that we hadn't crapped our pants enough and had us and the cage placed in a car crusher... but that did get us a new cage.'**_

"I wouldn't call those fond memories." Lightning said softly as she could hear a small yip as she looked towards the bed to see the animal staring at the floor, as if it was trying to judge the distance. Something that caused Lightning to smile as she came to a seat just next to the cage. She had no idea why it was something she found adorable.

"Do I want to know?" Vanille asked as she smiled at the sight of the animal making a jump that to it must have been terrifying but just couldn't help but smile as it quickly bounded over to Lightning before it plopped into a sitting position by Lightning's feet with his tongue hanging out of its mouth with a happy smile strewn across his face. An expression that solidified Vanille's statement in her mind that Lightning really was a good person that was just trying to play the game with the cards she was dealt with.

Smiling as she bent down, Lightning began to scratch the canine's head as she looked up to the bed to see Porom coming to a stop next to Lightning to join in petting the animal. The sight of which as enough to make her smile.

"You don't really want to know. Cages just bring back some bad memories. Especially this wire type." Lightning said as she stopped petting the dog to just lean fully back against the wall. She knew that it was going to be something that gets Vanille's curiosity but she also knew that she couldn't really bring herself to do anything about it. "I slept in a much smaller version of this type of cage for years. Sometimes sleep is a bit too generous of a term to use." Lightning said as she looked down to see the dog tugging on the cuff of her pants leg.

The sight of which just caused Lightning some minor anger, but knew that she shouldn't snap at the dog so soon after getting him. She didn't want the animal to be terrified of her especially if she was meant to spend so long with him.

' _ **You know... if that dog is doing what I think it is, we may come to fighting each other because I think it doesn't like you thinking of our past and is trying to distract you.'**_

Gently pulling her pants from the animal's mouth, Lightning just smiled at the sight of Porom laughing as Palom and Vanille just continued to smile at the sight of the animal. Gently scooping the animal up, Lightning just frowned a little as she could see his back legs kicking the air as if they were just trying to find purchase. The simple sight was something that just made Lightning feel a little bit better.

"I'm getting hungry. And it is carrot waffle day. So let's go get some of those before all we are left with is what Lightning always eats." Palom said standing up from the bed as he began to rub his midsection looking towards the women in the room.

"You guys go on ahead. I need to wait for Sazh to bring up the guy's harness and a special leash that is meant to make suicide hard so I can walk Vivi around..." Lightning stated with a small frown as she could hear a tiny whine from the animal in her hands. "And hopefully a toy of some description so he'll stop chewing on my clothes." Lightning added as she lowered him into her lap and just began to pet him calmly as she looked towards the rest of the room's occupants.

"You sure Light? We can wait. Or I can wait with you. I mean I do love animals and spending time with you." Vanille asked as she stood up and tried to look into the cerulean eyes.

If Vanille was being honest it was feeling a bit weird to break their near tradition of going down from Lightning's room to breakfast. But she supposed normally Lightning wasn't playing with a puppy and instead working out.

"Stay if you want Vanille. But you will most likely be having oatmeal then." Lightning began as she turned towards Palom and Porom. "But you two should go and hopefully get a table that won't be swarmed by people. I can't let the little guy get crowded... and judging by this morning and just now, people really do like dogs." Lightning said softly as she could see Vanille smiling as she began to crouch, her knees digging into her chest as she started to pet the animal again.

"Okay. If you aren't done though in like an hour Palom and I have group so you'd lose the table." Porom said as she began to shove her brother gently towards the door. Knowing that at least everything was going to be alright.

Smiling as she could see her door closed, Lightning glanced over to see Vanille with a light misting in her eyes that she was feeling a little lost about. As far as she knew about dogs was that they did cause your emotions to get a bit haywire, but never sad.

"You alright Vanille? I mean you hate oatmeal... you look like you are about to cry..." Lightning said as Vivi began to climb out of Lightning's lap and began to lightly nudge Vanille into a sitting position.

"I'm fine." Vanille said as she plopped down, smiling as she could see the dog tugging on the lower hem of Vanille's shirt. Lightly pulling the shirt from the animal's jaws, Vanille lightly picked her up and lowered it down onto her lap. "The two aren't mutually exclusive." Vanille continued as she started to just smile at the animal's affection towards her all of a sudden. "I grew up in a village with more animals than humans... but animals I've always found to be a lot more forgiving of things than people. Plus I'm constantly around people here. But never animals which show good people nothing but affection and care. So I'll gladly settle for oatmeal if it means I can be with this little guy longer." Vanille said as she felt Lightning gently cupping her face brushing the tears away with her thumb.

"Vanille, you need to take some deep breaths. I'd kiss you to try and snap you from the sad thoughts but I have no idea how long Sazh is going to be and I do desperately need to call my home today and I still can't afford to have the privileged of visits removed because my sister is stopping here on her way back next month." Lightning said as she could see Vanille almost clutching the animal closer to her chest.

Frowning a little, Vanille looked towards Lightning. "So you just taunt me with that option? I mean you are a pretty great kisser." Vanille pouted as Lightning just chuckled at her.

"Later then Vanille. And before you ask, I forgot entirely to ask last time which village she is going to be in." Lightning continued as she could hear a knock on the door. Turning to it, she smiled brightly because it meant that she could very likely get to eat sooner than she thought. "Come in!"


	56. Chapter 56

Chapter 56:

Whistling softly, Lightning felt a smile graced her lips as she tied the leash gently around her wrist. Remembering what Yuna had suggested in how she should take it a bit slower for a while until the puppy can keep up with her.

Sighing happily, Lightning began to roll her sleeves, up just enjoying the slight chill that came from the mid morning weather. Cracking her neck as she looked towards the animal who seemed happy to be near Lightning and even happier to be outside with what Lightning just knew was going to be a mass of new or at least different smells.

"Right... let's start with a slow jog I suppose. Hopefully your tiny legs can keep up." Lightning said as she began to turn before starting to walk quickly just so she didn't shock the new addition to her routines. Something that she knew in the short and long term it would just be for the worse if the animal was harmed. Especially so soon after getting the animal.

Smiling a little as she could see the animal trotting along side her as she could see the scenery passing by slower than what she had normally been accustomed to, but that didn't really matter. It was still better than just working out in her room or going for short bursts of speed in the stairwells as she tried to just get rid of the stiffness of her joints and even let her have some lungfuls of fresh air. A gift that was so seldom given to her it seemed.

Seeing the animal keep up, Lightning just smiled as she began to pick up the speed. As she could feel the wind whipping at her skin she felt a small tug at her arm causing her to look down to animal rolling causing Lightning to just sigh. Taking a few steps back, Lightning just frowned as she could see the small chain seemingly wrapped around the animal's legs as he began to try and gnaw at the metal.

Bending down, Lightning carefully began to unwind the metal foe as she just smiled faintly at the animal. "Don't chew it. You'll hurt yourself." Lightning scolded as she could see a curious gleam in the animal's eyes as he lightly chomped the metal once more. Sliding the metal from his jaws, Lightning just gave his teeth a quick look. "Seriously does that not hurt you?"

' _ **Maybe he is just bored. I mean... you used to ignore pain and play with metal all the time... like do you remember the scrap metal that Cid drove into our fingers? Fun times.'**_

"He is just a puppy." Lightning said as she began to pick the animal up and placing him down on all fours, with a curious look. "And you." Lightning said lightly pointing towards his nose. "We need to get going. And you should probably get used to going at a faster speed sooner." Lightning scolded softly as she began to quickly walk. Glancing down she frowned as she could see the animal tripping over his front paws causing Lightning to just sigh.

' _ **I suggest a quicker solution. He is probably tired. I mean he was playing earlier, and was getting all sorts of pats and snuggles earlier...'**_

Sighing softly, Lightning walked over towards the animal just wondering how she could even get her exercise but also follow the rules. As she bent down to help the dog up, she felt the hood of her hoodie smack her head lightly.

' _ **It seems you got what I meant... so Light, want to play a game of cards? I bet we could get a nice game of pinochle... may need to invite a crazy up. Or my wifey. Oh who am I kidding. Bitches be crazy. Right?'**_

Sighing vocally again, Lightning closed her eyes as she tried to ignore the chiding from the voice as well as the clear making up of words and new people just to irk her further. She couldn't let the voice get under her skin today. She still had things she had to do.

* * *

Smiling as she raised the flower to her nose, Porom gave it a deep breath as she looked towards the steely blue haired woman slowly weaving some of the older flowers together. Causing her to just smile brightly.

"Yuel, I need to go in. My time is nearly up. Do you mind if I take this pretty pink flower in?" Porom asked as the woman just looked up from the flowers up.

"It is called an Aster. And sure." The woman said softly before looking back towards the large chain of flowers she had nearly finished making. She was content when a thought slipped into her mind. "Where is that puppy that was with the scary lady?" Yuel said causing Porom to look up to see Lightning seemingly coming to a stop as she began to stretch her joints a bit.

"I'm sure Lightning didn't harm him. Don't believe the rumours Yuel. Light is super nice. She just doesn't like being around people. I mean you and Vanille always say an animal can tell people's true intentions and Vivi loves being with her. At least thus far he does." Porom said as Yuel nodded her head softly.

"Animals do. But sometimes can't really tell. But you should go back in. You don't want to get in trouble for being out so long." Yuel said softly as Porom smiled and stood up and began to walk towards the doors.

Raising the flower, she gave it a deep inhale as she could see Light starting to make a straight line towards the door. Stopping for a minute, Porom just smiled as she could see Lightning with a raised arm. A smile on her face but she couldn't help but wonder a little about the same thing Yuel had asked her.

Laughing a little at the answer coming to her by the paws appearing on one of Lightning's shoulders followed by the head of the animal popping up followed by panting heavily. Smiling brightly Porom couldn't help but laugh softly at the sight of it.

She had to admit that it made a lot more sense as to why Lightning had her arm raised, but just the sight of the animal panting before turning his head slightly to lick the side of the woman's face caused said woman to just laugh softly.

"Cut it out Vivi... and as soon as we get in you are going to need to come down." Lightning muttered as Porom just smiled at her. She had to admit that even if she knew that Lightning wouldn't intentionally harm the animal, but just the fact that she had seen with the small animal to suddenly not have him caused her some worry. "What do you have there Porom?"

Snapping out of the small staring, Porom gave the flower one last sniff. "It is an aster according to Yuel. And I'm inclined to believe her. She does know a lot about flowers. All I know is it smells pretty. Want a smell?" The pretten asked as she held her arm out as Lightning just rolled her eyes gently.

"I'm fine. And after seeing this guy trying to bite some flowers, I don't think it would be wise if you want to keep it." Lightning said as she came to a stop by the guards who had a smile on their face as Lightning just knew that it was from the animal she could hear panting next to her ear.

"Makes sense. Thank you by the way. I think Vanille would love the smell as well. Although she likes to deny it I know she loves the smells just as much as Yuel. They claim that it is because of how they were raised on Gran Pulse... I just don't get that. I mean Palom and I are from Gran Pulse as well... just also a lot closer to the bridge to Cocoon. But I suppose I do have good memories of working in the garden with my Mom." Porom said softly as Lightning just glanced over towards the woman who had practically shoved the flower back into her nose as she took a deep breath in what she just knew was probably something for comfort.

"I mean Vanille says she lived like two days away from that and last time she was there the only way to get there was by foot or chocobo... so I imagine that they didn't have much influence. And I have no idea where Yuel is from." Lightning said as she began to reach up and started to lower the animal from her hood down onto the ground, groaning internally at the soft whine that she could hear.

"I'm sure if you know the route like Vanille and Fang does I'm sure you could make it in two days. But the Abbot has mentioned of multiple people trying to head there and it taking them upwards of five days. Gran Pulse can be a very unforgiving place. Not like Cocoon." Porom began as she turned towards Lightning. "But Yuel is from a village close to where Vanille is from. Paddra if you are curious. Just don't act like you know. she suffers a bit from paranoia to go along with her multiple personalities."

Shaking her head softly, Lightning gave the leash a gentle tug as they began to walk towards the stairs. "I don't even think we've exchanged three words to each other. Most people stay away from me here. And personally, I kind of like it like that." Lightning muttered softly as she could see Porom frowning despite the flower partially masking her face. "Don't give me that look. I get that look enough from Vanille. I just don't have good experiences with a lot of people. And if I keep many away I can avoid additions of bad experiences."

' _ **Plus it is easier to hide the fact you are a very clearly a lesbian if you don't need to talk to normal people. And don't say you aren't. We've never known a single straight woman to just joyfully make out with other women. Like that one isn't on me. I didn't tell you to offer making out with the adorable redhead later after reading time.'**_

Sighing sharply, Lightning smiled as she could see Porom walking towards the elevator to go to what she had no idea.

"I need to go meet up with Palom to go talk with Rosa." Porom said as she calmly as Lightning just smiled at her. A little glad that she could get over this a lot quicker. But Porom had a small smile on her face as she smelled the flower.

"Okay. I need to give the little guy some water... and then Vanille will probably find me so I can read to her." Lightning said as she bent down and began to pet the hound's head as he sat down and waited seemingly for Lightning to finish talking with Porom who just maintained a smile on her face. "I'm pretty sure we'll run out of books she'll be interested in eventually, but I suppose it is better for my healing than not being around people at all. Plus Vanille enjoys it."

' _ **Lightning and Vanille sitting in a tree.'**_

Breathing in deeply Lightning began to shake her head as Porom just smiled at her. "Vanille does really enjoy stories. It is a shame she never lets me teach her how to read. I'm sure I'm not a great teacher, but I do remember the Abbott's lessons really well and I do like to help her. She is always looking out for Palom and me... even making sure we don't fight. It is the least I can do." Porom said as Lightning just smiled at her.

"Some people just don't want to learn things Porom. You can't force them or they will resent it. At least in my experience. And I don't think Vanille minds helping you or your brother out. I know I don't if either of you need it. Even if your brother right now is treating me like I have the plague because he has been hiding around the corner for a few minutes now."

As Lightning spoke, Porom quickly spun around and looked in the direction Lightning was pointing where she could see her brother slinking out with a frown being ever present that Porom couldn't help but smile at as her brother began to pout taking a few steps closer as he crossed his arms in defiance for some reason to Lightning.

"How did you know?" Was all the boy muttered as Porom held the flower out for him to sniff. Pulling his head back, Palom just glared lightly at his sister before he turned back to Lightning almost as if begging for an answer.

"When you are hiding, it is best to not stick your full head repeatedly around the corner. It got my attention even out of the corner of my eyes." Lightning began standing up with a smile as she looked towards the man who had a small gleam in his eyes as though he was going to try and fool Lightning eventually. Shaking her head gently, Lightning just took a deep breath. "Well I need to get back up to my room just so I can give Vivi some water." Lightning continued as she could see Porom nod along with Palom.

Smiling as she looked down towards the canine who jumped up and began to already lead towards the stairs. Chuckling softly, Lightning quickly caught up with the animal as she swung the door gently open, she couldn't help but smile at the animal's tenacity never seeming to die before he came up to the stairs.

By the time he came up to the first one he began to whine gently as he looked back towards Lightning. Rolling her eyes, Lightning placed a foot down on the first step as she could hear some further whining. Looking down she could see the animal carefully holding a raised paw up in the air.

"You can not have hurt your paw. It was fine seconds ago." Lightning said as she could hear an almost redoubled whining sound causing her to just sigh.

' _ **Is the pupper trying to emotionally manipulate you? Because that isn't going to work. I mean we all know you are... why are you picking him up?'**_

Rolling her eyes, Lightning smiled at the bright eyes staring at her, lightly licking her chin causing a small giggle. "It is just easier right now. I'd rather me needing to lift him up a few flights for now, and get a look at his paw instead of risking injuring him further." Lightning corrected as she came to the door, gently opening it, she just smiled as she began to quickly cover the distance and came into her room.

Stopping at the sight of the red head woman laying on her bed with her legs up in the air causing Lightning to just sigh. "Vanille. Don't barge into my room when I'm not in it." Lightning said exhausted as she closed the door with the side of her foot before reaching up to unlatch the leash from the dog's collar.

"I was bored. Music ended early and Porom was outside in the garden and you were outside... and Palom was somewhere. And I've looked at all the picture books in the library. So I wanted to look at one of the books you brought back thinking that there might be some pictures." Vanille said sitting up as she closed the book causing Lightning to recognise the item that Vanille had been reading. Or at least pretending to read.

Dropping the dog nearly unceremoniously into Vanille's lap before she swiped the near fragmented diary. "This isn't a library book." Lightning hissed as Vanille felt an eyebrow raise wondering what it was then. Especially with the lack of drawings it was nearly impossible for her to tell. "It is my diary from when I was four." Lightning hissed as Vanille nodded her head gently before looking down at the animal in her lap who had a slight glare in his eyes that Vanille could tell.

"Relax Light. I can't read. I was literally just looking for pictures." Vanille said in a sheepish tone as she could see Lightning flying towards the baskets where Vanille had seen the woman stash things before she dragged one of them down roughly with a small scream.

"WHERE IS THE OTHER ONE VANILLE!" Lightning yelled as she spun around to see a terrified woman still looking at her lap.

"I don't know Light. That was already open on the bed when I got in here." Vanille said in a small tone as she could see Lightning stomping towards her with a glare in her expression that Vanille could just feel. One that meant Lightning was furious. "I'm telling you the truth Lightning. If I knew it was your diary I wouldn't have looked at it... I know it is meant to be a private thing. And I seriously don't want to intrude on your private matters." Vanille said trying to explain herself as Lightning practically tossed Vanille off the bed causing Vanille to frown internally.

Taking a small panicked breath, Lightning looked towards Vanille with slight worry in her eyes. "Vanille, this is important. I'm meant to use that one for my healing process according to Yuna and Rosa. Where is it?" Lightning said hoping that she could plead to Vanille to tell her as the woman continued to look down ashamed almost. "If I don't know where it is Vanille, I'm going to need to tell Yuna and or Rosa about this and how I caught you reading one of them." Lightning continued her plea as Vanille maintained her stare at the ground.

"I honestly don't know Light..." Vanille said as she looked up at Lightning. "I promise you that I entered the room and it was like that. I'll even go get Yuna and Rosa myself. You have to believe me." Vanille pleaded as Lightning began to pace around in small circles around her room as she raised her hands to taking panicked deep breaths. Something that Vanille recognised well enough.

"I'll go get Yuna." Vanille said softly walking out of the room and closing the door causing Lightning to just drop down to her knees as she began to clutch her head gently when she could feel the canine sniffing her hair.

' _ **Look, I'm the first to admit we hate invasions of privacy, but she really can't read and if she did take it... there isn't much in there... just a few bad dreams not to mention it would have been here. If someone wanted to harm you or anyone with you they left the good one. But it would take more to find the juicy parts.'**_


	57. Chapter 57

Chapter 57:

Grabbing the side of her head, Lightning began to fall down to the ground just bracing herself against the side of the bed. Ignoring the feeling of soft sniffing feeling from the side of her head, as she could see her door opening out of the corner of her eyes.

' _ **Light, seriously, if anyone took it, there is nothing in there to worry about. Plus it certainly wasn't that redhead. I mean if she wanted to, there is a lot more information in the one she would have been reading and we would have found it.'**_

"Lightning." A soft voice filled the room as the pink haired woman winced a little from the animal falling into her lap.

Quickly shooting her hands down to catch the animal, Lightning just breathed a small sigh as she could see the canine's head popping up giving her an almost worried bark. As Lightning just stared into the near soulful brown eyes. At least there was something that brought her some comfort.

"Lightning." Came the voice again followed by a gentle snap of fingers getting her attention as she looked up to see Yuna who was quickly scanning the room with the lead orderly that Lightning knew of just waiting in door frame. "What happened? In here? Vanille just said someone has gone into your room while you were out and took something." Yuna asked as she looked at a deeply frayed woman who was just barely holding herself together.

"Someone was..." Lightning spoke softly as she felt the animal attempting to climb up further on top of her as if it was trying to stop her from getting up using all its weight that it could muster. Something that normally would make Lightning laugh at, but at the same time she couldn't. "My diary is gone... the one you wanted me to write in..." Lightning muttered as she took some deep breaths not sure if she should speak further just to try and save Vanille because the voice was right, it couldn't have been Vanille.

"It is because her other one was open on her bed and I was looking at it not knowing what it was looking for pictures..." Vanille's voice broke through the room causing Yuna to turn towards her as she frowned. "I didn't see anyone enter or leave and that was the only different thing to the way Lightning normally leaves her room and she normally doesn't mind me being in there looking at the books she checks out looking at the small pictures in them." Vanille continued looking down as she began to wring her hands looking for some sort of comfort as Yuna took a deep breath before she began to rub her face out of irritation.

Bending down a little, Yuna took a deep breath as she tried to form her thoughts carefully. "Lightning, was it the one I gave you before we left your home? I need to know so when I get a room sweep started that I know what we are looking for." Yuna asked softly as Lightning nodded her head. It wasn't even a thing that she needed the confirmation from. She knew that Lightning only brought the two with her. She was just wanting Lightning to speak so she could judge how frazzled Lightning was.

"Lightning, I doubt Vanille was the person that took it. She is illiterate, and definitely with her history wouldn't confess to being around the scene of the crime." Yuna said in just a blind hope to try and save what friendship had blossomed there, just because she knew that it was just as important in there as anything that came up for treatment.

Gently rubbing behind the animal's ear, Lightning took another deep breath. "I know." Lightning's voice croaked out as Yuna just smiled at as she looked towards Vanille who had an almost relieved look on her face. It was like there was a weight lifted off her shoulders their shoulders as Lightning continued to take some deep breaths. A feat that Yuna knew was simply her trying gather the fraying ends.

"Do you think you should call your home again Lightning?" Yuna asked softly as Lightning almost froze from the fact she knew that there was only a coin flip at this point if she would be forced to converse with her father. And even then she wasn't sure if she could even talk with her mother. At least not in the state she was in.

' _ **Yeah I agree. That is beyond a no go. Let's just wait in here till we calm down... redhead is optional, and let the little pupper do his training. What better training then tossing him into the near deep end?'**_

"Okay then." Yuna said as she turned to Sazh with the smile on her face seemingly fall. "Can you make the call Sazh? I'll inform Rosa." Yuna said as she turned towards Vanille. "You Vanille, if Lightning wants you to, you can stay here. If not stay in your room until Rosa or I come and get you." Yuna snapped as she turned to Lightning, as if she was asking for Lightning's input.

Even if she was just going on the sight of Lightning's near dead focus on the animal in her lap, and that it was something that she and Rosa wanted, but not this soon or even over something as serious as the invasion of privacy that Lightning had suffered. The only minor joy was the fact that Yuna knew that there was no way that it wouldn't be in the building.

Nodding her head softly, to the faux question. Something that was answered by a simple 'okay' as Vanille walked further into the room. As she carefully navigated the scattered remains of clothes and shards of the wicker baskets, Vanille took a seat next to Lightning with a small smile looking towards the woman as she lightly held the animal up in her arms with a near sullen smile on her face.

"Are you sure you want me in here Lightning?" Vanille asked softly as she reached over and began to lightly rub the animal's head as she looked up into Lightning's terrified eyes. Something that she wasn't sure how she was meant to help the owner. All she knew was that that whatever was in those books seemed to be a lot to the woman, and this had been a very serious blow.

' _ **Light... you should probably talk to her. I get that you are trying to not snap at people and something is out of your control but concerns you... if you don't then you are going to essentially toss a hand grenade in her mind causing her to just tank mentally and I don't think she can really recover from it.'**_

Gently picking the animal up and moving him over towards Vanille Lightning began to pull her legs up to her chest. "I didn't mean to yell at you Vanille..." Lightning said as she took a deep breath. "I know you didn't take it. But all I have really that I can place my hands on are the words I write down in my diaries. Even my time before Dysley when I have very few memories of... those words I wrote down all those years ago that you had been reading." Lightning said softly as Vanille looked at her just wondering what that was like.

Normally, Vanille could easily read people from simply knowing how things were like for her, but the way Lightning had been shaken, it was an alarming feat really. At the very least she knew that she could make it better for the person if she knew, but she just couldn't make this seemingly better for the woman.

"It is something that is hard for people to really understand. Especially because I'm a Farron. A family that can have anything in the world at the snap of their fingers. But I don't even have many memories... and I'm sure even if you can't read you could still notice the difference between my writings from when I was young and after Dysley had caused me to go crazy..." Lightning muttered softly as Vanille looked towards her. As if just trying to hope that Lightning would explain herself soon. "And the one missing is the one Yuna gave me and practically told me keep writing in it after my memory is gone from the allergy test... even down to the nightmares I had that caused me to break Porom's arm."

' _ **I forgot that those were in there... but I mean everyone on the staff is bound to already know the story just not the details of you being raped by that crazy man and needing to kill someone. But I mean those**_ **were** _ **just nightmares.'**_

Frowning softly as she just wasn't in the mood to deal with the voice. Normally she would question it but knew better at this point. But she knew that there had to be something. But she knew that there was nothing that could be done before she had the diary back.

At least that was what it felt like to her. Even when she was just wanting the day to end. She just would be able to sleep a lot easier once that much was achieved. It was something that just made her feel a little bit better. But not as much as that Vanille was still there with her.

"What... um... and only if you don't mind me asking... what was the nightmares about? I mean you seem like a woman who can take on anything as if it is nothing. You are a very strong. Like the second strongest person I know." Vanille asked as Lightning took a deep breath as she quickly snatched the animal from the other room's occupant.

Seeing the near worry in the animal's features, Lightning just began to rub his back as she tried to well up enough strength to even talk about them again. Even though they had been the topic of conversation with the psychiatrists countless times before. It just was something that constantly hurt Lightning every time she talked about it.

' _ **I know that look Light. Don't you dare. You can't dump that kind of crazy on those unqualified to talk about it.'**_

"I dreamt I was six... and after a failed escape attempt, Dysley beat me until my face was swollen and then he raped me. Throwing in the occasional swing to knock out a few more of my teeth... swell my face up a bit more." Lightning said softly as she raised the animal just to bury her face into the side of the animal. Taking just a deep lungful as she tried to stay strong and just not cry from those moments flashing in her mind. The terror that was ever present from those scenes.

Remembering the first night that Lightning was there, and those words Lightning said as she tried to fend off a room. It just brought a certain level of credence to what she had said. Just the terror that Vanille could feel Lightning was having, was enough to chill her further. She didn't know if it was a memory that slipped free of whatever vault that it was locked in, or just her mind playing tricks. What she did know was the terror that Lightning was feeling was genuine.

Gently hugging Lightning, Vanille just tried to force all the feelings that Lightning would be having out of her mind. She didn't like it when Lightning was feeling pain for some reason. All she knew was that Lightning wasn't someone that deserved to feel anything but pride for surviving what she already had. But instead it just constantly seemed to be cutting her down with her own help.

' _ **Light. I told you not to. She is crazy. Probably is like everyone else and thinks your father is an outstanding man... why is she hugging you?'**_

The voice asked earning Light's own curiosity.

She was feeling a little bit shocked at the gesture but the fact that Vanille was trying so hard to do what Lightning just assumed was cheer her up that it confused her deeply. Just the feeling of it was so alien that it caused Lightning to just shrink further.

"Vanille?" Lightning asked softly as she tried to figure what was the woman's intention behind it. Just because there always was something behind these sudden attacks of hugging that people had done to her.

Gently pushing the woman over a little, Lightning just looked towards her as she could see the woman frowning a little. "I know you don't like hugs... but... you... how that isn't a nightmare. That is a hellish landscape of thoughts." Vanille said as she went and hug Lightning tightly once more. "I'm sorry you had those nightmares." Vanille muttered as Lightning just tensed up once more. Something that didn't go amiss with Vanille. If anything it just made her want to redouble the hug.

' _ **Not going to lie crazy pants. That wasn't the reaction I thought was going to happen. Is she alright in the head? Because I don't think so. Something serious has to be wrong with her on a fundamental level.'**_

Pulling back a little Vanille looked at Lightning for an explanation. Something apparently wasn't obvious to Lightning as she just continued to stare at Vanille like she was expecting something else to happen. "Why did you tense up Light?"

"I've never been hugged before without some ulterior motive. Even my sister always has one." Lightning hissed softly as Vanille pulled an arm free just to dry some tears that had been wanting to spill. "What is yours?"

Vanille wasn't sure what had hurt her more, that the woman apparently didn't know what a simple hug can do to a person, or the fact that she had instantly assumed that something was amiss from that simple gesture. One that to Vanille had always been one of the purest things that had ever existed in the world but in Lightning's had been able to be twisted.

"I just want you to feel better." Vanille said softly as Lightning just continued to stare at her with confusion being ever present in her eyes.

"My sister claims the same thing." Lightning said as Vanille returned to hugging her that caused Lightning to just take some deep breaths. Just the feeling of it was causing the questions to start flooding her mind. She wasn't sure why Vanille was trying so hard, but she knew that there was nothing that she could seemingly tell her that would get her off of this crusade.

"I can't speak for your sister... but I do just want you to feel better... I don't know how I could ever react after having that kind nightmare. Probably just cry... a lot." Vanille muttered as she ignored the tugging feeling on the cuff of her sleeve from the dog that Lightning had placed at some point back down into her lap.

Normally Vanille would be mad at someone for being given such a gift and not taking full advantage of it. But with the kind of terror in Lightning's being in was something that seemed to override that desire, the pain Lightning was in, that was what took priority for her and she was fine waiting until Lightning was fine.

* * *

Quickly opening the door, Yuna just winced at the fact that she could see Rosa was in the middle of a discussion with Palom and Porom. "I'm sorry for intruding Rosa. But there has been an incident." Yuna said as she quickly covered the distance and came to a stop next to Rosa with a small sigh at the fact that this couldn't be talked about like most things normally were when it involved a patient like it did.

Bending down, to next to Rosa's ears, Yuna just spoke up so she could quickly get this over with. "Someone broke into Lightning's room while she was out in the yard and stole her diary which she has been using as per our suggestion to keep track in case she blacks out again." Yuna whispered as she could see the twins with an utmost curiosity at what was being talked about but also thankfully knew that it wasn't something they were meant to hear it seems.

"Sazh is already starting room checks. And it seems Vanille is the only witness really given the fact she was caught by Lightning with her older one open. Although she claims that she saw no one." Yuna continued as she pulled back a little to see Rosa seemingly in deep thought that she just knew in experience was going to be beyond the quickest way to get an answer that would get the person caught quickly and very likely have the item returned to Lightning in a matter of hours at most.

Taking a deep breath Rosa looked towards the twins. "You two are close with Lightning, is there anyone in particular that means her ill will?" Rosa asked causing both Porom and Palom jump slightly at the mention of that, but Yuna at least gathered what Rosa was trying to do.

"No. None spring to mind. I mean she when she snaps she is a bit scary like when she broke Porom's arm. But everyone tends to stay away from her." Palom muttered as the doctors turned to his sister as if she would have a different take on something.

Taking a deep breath as she lowered the flower she had been sniffing as though to calm herself down before she spoke. "Hope has been overly critical of her and been trying to get us and Vanille to turn on Lightning as though she means us actual harm instead of the nice person who reads to us and Vanille." Porom said softly as though she just didn't want to get the man in trouble. Even when she knew deep down that Hope wouldn't do something like that.

"Start the search in Hope's room. If you find it, send him up here with Sazh and the item immediately and you come up with Lightning. Don't leave any possible hiding place unchecked." Rosa said as she gestured towards the door that Yuna nodded and quickly walked out of the room just hoping that one of the trustees wasn't going to suddenly do something like that, but had to admit that it was the only decent lead they had.


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those of you wondering what is with the double uploads, well this story has been going on for a year and i thought let's celebrate.

Chapter 58:

Walking into the room, Yuna frowned as she could see Hope standing just by the wall that separated his room from the hallway with a slight peeved look on his face. Something that Yuna could understand mostly because of how invasive these things could be.

That however didn't really change the fact that according to people who were close to both Hope and Lightning that Hope had something against the woman. Even if to Yuna it didn't really make sense on the surface, but she also did know how hard it was for Hope to trust anything or anyone new. Largely down to his father and his father's second wife.

Giving the room a quick scan, she rolled her eyes at the sight of the orderlies checking under the man's bed and along with the normal hiding places. But Yuna could already see a distinctive spine sticking out from amongst the books Hope kept in his room.

"Yuna this is ridiculous. I don't even like talking to Lightning. Why would I break into her room and steal anything." Hope said as he crossed his arms to defend himself as Yuna frowned visibly at the teen.

"Hope, this is your best chance now to not lie." Yuna said as she spun around and quickly walked over towards the shelf and slid the book out. "I know this is Lightning's without even opening it because I bought it for her, and have seen her write in it as I instructed as part of her therapy. And even from the multiple times she has brought it in to our talks because she was looking for meaning in some parts." Yuna said as she handed the item to the head orderly who had remained in the room with a small chuckle.

Seeing the silver haired teen pale at Yuna's gesture, she just held her hand up to the teen. "Doesn't matter, either way." Yuna said turning to Sazh as she spoke up. "Take him up to Rosa, ignore the fact she has patients and give her the journal... I need to go get Lightning. These are her orders." Yuna said as she quickly walked out of the room as she could hear Sazh walking up to the teen.

Quickly getting to the end of the hallway, Yuna began to bound down the stairs just so she can get to Lightning, and hopefully explain everything in as speedy a manner as possible just so she can hopefully talk Lightning into coming up to Rosa's office. She just knew how difficult it was going to be if Lightning didn't want to go up, because she knew that she didn't really need to go up because this was going to purely be disciplinary thing directed mostly at Hope and his actions, but Yuna knew there had to be a reason as to why Rosa wanted Lightning there as well.

Opening the door to the floor, Yuna just smiled as she could still see the door closed. Walking up to the door, Yuna gave it a small shove open. She had to admit that the sight of Vanille resting her head on Lightning's lap as they started to pet the canine that had remained sitting proudly on Lightning's lap in an almost defensive manner.

"Oh hi Yuna. Any news? Or are you busy trying to get more snuggles with the pupper?" Vanille asked as she began to spin around into a sitting position, as she just smiled happily at the doctor who had a relieved look on her face. "Personally as far as my punishments go... being around a pupper is the best one. I can get behind this kind." Vanille continued as Yuna just chuckled softly.

"That isn't your punishment Vanille. It just is because it is a lot easier to keep track of you. But I need the both of you to come with me up to Rosa's office. We found the culprit practically red handed and Vanille, it is a lot easier once again to keep track of you and Rosa probably will want to talk to you. As well once we are done." Yuna said as Lightning began to pale. Something that Yuna knew a lot of the reasoning, but that didn't change the fact that she had to be there.

"Lightning, it needs to be done. I was ordered to bring you specifically up. Just put Vivi's leash on because you still do need to keep him with you. Maybe that will make you feel easier... I don't know about him but it seems like it would make him a lot easier than putting him in the cage." Yuna said as she reached down, barely avoiding the light snip the animal took at Yuna's hand as if he was trying to protect Lightning from something bad happening.

Chuckling softly at the sight of Vivi's defence of Lightning, Vanille quickly jumped up and grabbed the leash for the animal before coming to a stop in front of the pink haired woman holding it out with a smile on her face.

"Okay..." Lightning said as she grabbed the leash and quickly slipped it onto the dog's collar. She couldn't help but just smile as he suddenly held a paw up before turning his head towards Lightning followed by him whining softly. "That is a different paw from earlier." Lightning said as she carefully picked him up and lowered him down onto the ground causing her to just smile faintly as he seemed to pick up and started to pull her the door as if he hadn't been injured at all.

"I knew you were faking it." Lightning said softly as she quickly bent down to gently rub his head before she stood up properly as she looked towards Yuna who had a smile on her face as though she was resisting the urge to giggle at the sight of Lightning with the animal.

One that she had maintained adamantly that she didn't like or even need, but she seemed to be so attached to the animal thus far.

As she slid her hand through the fabric loop, Lightning took a deep breath as she began to slide her hand down the leash just so the animal didn't sprint off ahead of her. Lightning just smiled faintly as Vanille came to a stop by Lightning's side as Yuna held the door open.

She was feeling a lot of mixed feelings, but Lightning was just happy that she could Vanille had remained next to her. It made her just feel slightly at ease. Especially with the prancing animal next to her. As though it had just accomplished some big feat and wanted to brag to everyone.

It was a thing that made her actually laugh internally as though she had been some huge idol that he was tasked with guarding. But as far as things went right now, Lightning didn't really care. She was more concerned with getting her book back.

Coming to a stop by the elevator, Lightning bent down and quickly scooped the puppy up as Yuna pressed her hand against the door to let her and Vanille walked in. Sprinting a little into the corner, Lightning took a calming breath to just collect her thoughts as she slipped the suddenly feisty canine in her hands into the hood of her hoodie hoping to just get a similar reaction as earlier when she was running, just so it would calm down and be happy all over again.

Raising her arm, Lightning smiled faintly at the feeling of the puppy nuzzling her hand before letting out a single bark of approval. As the doors opened, Vanille quickly spun around before she smiled and began to coo at the sight of the head just sticking out over her shoulder.

"He looks so adorable... helps that you still have a little brooding face about having a puppy." Vanille quipped as she began to skip lightly backwards as Yuna spun her head around a little to see Lightning carefully walking behind them with the sight of the animal's head on Lightning's shoulder with the tongue just hanging out of his mouth panting with a grin almost plastered on his face. Something that just made Yuna smile a little knowing that this was going to hurt Lightning a little, but nearly as much as it was going to hurt Hope and Vanille's friendship if it isn't handled carefully.

But the fact remained that Hope broke so many rules and he was caught red handed by Yuna with the stolen item. There was nothing that could really be done for him to defend himself. He had even tried to hide it in plain sight. As far as Yuna could tell it was an open and shut case. The best Hope could hope for was if he just told the truth from the start.

Coming to the doors, Yuna frowned at the sight of Palom and Porom standing by the door as if they were waiting patiently to be let back in just causing Yuna to take a deep breath knowing what was going to happen. "Vanille, stay out here with the twins. Lightning come in with me." Yuna said as she opened the door causing Lightning to just take a deep breath as she could notice the book resting on the doctor's desk.

Smiling a little at the fact that they had found it just caused her to perk up a little. As she stepped in and could hear Yuna closing the door, it just made her feel better and a little curious as to why she could see the silver haired teen she had at most five conversations with sitting already in a chair.

"Lightning, please take a seat." Rosa said gesturing to the free chair causing Lightning to just feel her breath coming in short rasps. Just the fact it was less about her choice. It wasn't like it was some trap. It was the chair she normally took. But she just wanted some sort of comfort.

' _ **Aw, I know I've been quiet for a while because let's face it that redhead is so fucking hot and the fact you two were kissing was perfect. But I think you should take the seat. If they wanted to get to you, we both know there are easier ways. Drugging the oatmeal for example. That one has the benefit that you couldn't really tell if done right.'**_

Groaning a little as she could feel the dog licking her hand that it had been nuzzling. Walking over towards the seat, Lightning took it before bending her back forward a little as to not harm the animal.

' _ **Aw, even the pupper is being adorable and kissing you. Did you ever thing two creatures that were living would do something like that to you? I certainly didn't think it was possible.'**_

Leaning forward in her chair, Rosa took a deep breath as she lightly tapped the cover of the journal. "Hope, this is something very damning. Especially with you being a trustee. This is something that can very easily have you kicked out." Rosa said as she lightly began to pick up the journal and opened it to the first page. "That is Hope unless you started calling yourself Lightning and Yuna gave something because that is very much so her handwriting." Rosa continued before handing it to Lightning who grabbed it before she quickly leaned back in her chair just clutching the item as she exhaled softly.

' _ **Welp, answer to our question is solved. Crazy boy there that has a stick up his ass about us took the non damning book. Kind of funny if you ask me. Even though I know you claim you don't really care.'**_

"I wasn't going to keep it." Hope said in a pout as he crossed his arms. It wasn't even that Lightning really cared. She had what she needed and the animal who she didn't even need to see feel his head switching towards hope to glare harshly at the teen.

It was actually something that she found kind of funny really. Just the thought that all couple of inches of him was meant to be terrifying. But Lightning had to admit that someone could have a phobia and she was beyond an expert on how crippling some phobias could be.

"That doesn't change the fact you broke into another patient's room, stole something from there, lied about it, and could have done serious harm to another patient's healing." Rosa said as she turned to Lightning, as if she was trying to judge the situation with the woman.

"Yeah but people like her always lie. Bad enough she is stealing my friends." Hope hissed as he turned his gaze just to glare at Lightning who had been silent and just continued to pet the animal's head that was on her back.

' _ **Light, do you ever think we should be paying attention to a conversation? A-four by the way, because that should sink your battleship.'**_

Taking a deep breath, Lightning shook her head gently as she lowered her hand from Vivi's head causing the animal to whine softly, as Lightning just held onto her legs. "Lightning, would you like to add anything?" Rosa asked as Lightning just began to quickly look around the room feeling a little lost.

"I don't care what he thinks... about me or what I've done. I got my journal back. That is all that matters to me." Lightning said softly as she could see an almost gleam in Rosa's eyes like there was something that Lightning agreed to despite not even really agreeing to anything. "It is nothing new with people around me... as long as I have what is my personal stuff." Lightning said as softly while she could at least appear like she wasn't dancing on a knife edge of sanity all because someone had taken one of her private items and she had seen Rosa open it.

At least she was thankful that Rosa seemed to have just stopped at the cover page where Yuna had written her name in it. It seemed to have been proof to Lightning that it was just a formality to prove that it was really hers.

' _ **You know Light, I'm the first one of us to say that your father is bat shit crazy and one of the largest factors as to why you are here. But if he taught us anything... besides we really shouldn't trust men or people in a position of power over us... or family most of the time. He did teach us that we should choose our words carefully. Especially in a situation like this. By the way king me.'**_

Shaking her head once more, Lightning just knew it was from the voice taunting her because she couldn't respond. It was a little like a taunting game, but that wasn't going to stop Lightning from just trying to ignore it. She had to do it if she was meant to get through this. No matter how annoying it seemed to be on the surface.

"Lightning, I've talked to you enough to know your mind wasn't really focused on the conversation, so I'll fill you in. Hope just claimed you were a liar and you stole his friends." Yuna interjected as she could see Lightning just shrugging her shoulders.

"He still wouldn't be the first person to make a claim like that. People do it all the time. It comes with being a teen, a survivor of a tragedy and the heiress to the single most powerful family on Gran Pulse or Cocoon. Even though I don't lie intentionally, and I keep telling Vanille and the twins I'd rather be alone. They just can't see how someone would rather be alone." Lightning stated softly as she raised her hand up once again to calm the soft whining happening in her ear. It was at the point that she was debating if she should just smack the animal a bit but knew if the voice's insistence was anything to go by she would be annoyed and terrified a lot more.

Taking a deep breath, Lightning just smiled softly as she could feel the animal relaxing drastically from the contact as he yawned softly before curling into a little ball that she just knew was him probably sleeping.

"Do you have a suggestion on the punishment he'll receive given you are an affected party?" Rosa asked as Lightning just pulled her hand free now that she was positive that the animal was going to be quiet enough to where she could for her own thoughts for a few minutes to hours.

"He shouldn't be punished. He just didn't have the nerve to be straight up with me. Especially considering that with most everything I am very open with. He is just a terrified child parading as a pseudo adult." Lightning said as she could see the teen out of the corner of her eye standing up out of clear anger from Lightning's statement. It was something that she didn't really care how he acted next. She knew that the staff weren't really considering her ideas to punish Hope.

"Like you would seriously tell me why you snapped Porom's arm!" Hope yelled at Lightning who just met his gaze.

"I dreamt I was being raped when I was six and being violently beaten... in another nightmare I just got out of a dog cage and on my way back to prevent another violent beating followed by a rape from just some guard forcing me to kill him with his own knife... but that didn't stop being beaten as I shiver in the cold because they had to hose the blood off of me as they believe I just caught a rat to eat raw so I could survive a few extra days. That was about when Porom woke me up by shaking me and seemingly instinct took over." Lightning said coldly as she felt the front paws being placed on her shoulder again followed by the slobbering tongue being dragged over her face. "Not to mention I'd rather it if she just hated me. I know how to deal with hate... not forgiveness." Lightning spoke as she gently rubbed the side of Vivi's head just hoping to calm him down so she could just get some peace of mind.

Seeing the teen balling his fist up, Lightning just continued to meet Hope's gaze. "How about the fact that since I've been here, I've broken out of my room once and subdued Kain to prevent myself from going into a coma from the low blood sugar. I used a sleeper hold as he slammed me into a wall. Or the fact that just about every meal I'll get stabbed and prodded because on my second talk with Rosa I felt my muscles spasm because I didn't eat enough at breakfast and had a small panic attack because this was just off the cuff of me blacking out the first night for some reason." Lightning said as she held her hand on the book.

Turning to Rosa and Yuna who had a slightly shocked look on her face. One that did amuse her a little, but it didn't change anything really. "Can I go back to my room? I need to clean up after my small freak out looking for my journal."

"You may leave Lightning." Rosa said as Lightning quickly popped up and walked towards the door before Rosa turned towards Hope. "Hope, for the lying, theft and stalling of a patient's treatment, normally you would be lose just about everything. Instead, your trustee status is hereby revoked, and you are to spend three days in solitary confinement. And we will discuss any further actions after that time is up." Rosa said as she grabbed a sheet of paper before turning to Sazh. "Sazh, if you please. And send in Vanille so we can discuss her punishment quickly before I return to talking with Palom and Porom."


	59. Chapter 59

Chapter 59:

Crossing her arms in protest, Vanille took a deep breath as she closed her eyes. "I didn't read anything. I can't read anything. Light even forgave me. I mean she really doesn't even mind me being in her room. Yuna was there when she forgave me." Vanille said crossing her arms out of protest as she could almost feel some anger springing forth.

"That doesn't matter Vanille." Rosa began as she tried to speak to the woman who seemed to be furious.

"I mean I even went straight to Yuna once I was sure Lightning wasn't going to hurt herself. Which I know isn't what I'm meant to do, but Lightning has most of the orderlies crapping their pants and from what I've seen the only people Lightning doesn't snap at when she does start to break down is Yuna." Vanille said crossing her arms wondering still why she was being punished. She had done just about everything above board and she was still being hauled in for this scolding.

"Vanille, will you listen to what I have to say before you try and interject a point?" Rosa asked softly as she could see Vanille just pouting as she nodded her head. That was more so a sign that she was going to hear what was said despite the fact she had the constant need to try and defend herself from these accusations. "I know Lightning doesn't mind and that you can't read. If either of those weren't true, we would be having a vastly different conversation. That doesn't change the fact we have procedures that all patients are familiar with for a reason. What you did while on paper is the best option in reality you put Yuna in unneeded risk. As such it is fitting Yuna is the one to deal out your punishment."

As Rosa spoke, Yuna gasped lightly from the fact she hadn't been expecting that. And the expression on Vanille's face meant that she clearly didn't expect it either. Something that did actually make her feel better, given how she knew Rosa could be a bit stricter than needed when it came to punishing patients, but she also knew that Vanille did actually mean the best.

Humming softly, Yuna raised a hand to gently cup her her chin as she was in deep thought. Extending a long finger she began to gently tap it against her jaw as she was in deep thought. Quickly snapping her fingers, Vanille was happy with a punishment that she felt wouldn't be something that would cause Vanille to try and fight the punishment like a bucking bronco causing the punishment to become more and more strict against her.

"Starting today... for one week your phone privileges are revoked, as well as your desserts for that stretch of time." Yuna knew that she was giving Vanille the most relaxed punishment that she had probably ever received but Yuna knew that Lightning wasn't going to be any danger to her. Not to mention that to Vanille at least for the week it would feel just about as real of a blow as anything they could have dealt, but when cooler heads prevailed that she would see that all she really lost was something that she never even tended to eat.

Bolting upright Vanille balled her hands into tight fists as she screamed "THIS ISN'T FAIR! I DID WHAT WAS RIGHT!" Vanille knew that she wasn't making a friend out of either of them but that didn't alter how she was feeling. She was feeling rage at the fact that she was being punished by someone practically driving a hammer into her head.

"Vanille, calm down. The punishment stands. The week will pass in the blink of an eye." Rosa said as she could see Vanille wanting to fight but seemingly what ray of logic shined through enough to keep her from doing something that would cause her to be punished so much worse than she would be allowed.

"Can. I. Go?" Vanille asked through gritted teeth as Rosa gestured towards the door. Quickly storming towards the door, Vanille quickly tossed it open and practically marched out towards the one person she knew she could vent to because this was somewhat her problem.

Pushing quickly past Palom and Porom, knowing that they were going to be curious as to what had been talked about, but Vanille didn't care. She had to scream at someone for this injustice and she couldn't exactly scream at the doctors. She knew she probably shouldn't scream at Lightning given how she could do so much to Vanille despite how Vanille tried constantly to prevent the woman have that type of control over her.

Knowing that Yuna was going to take the elevator, Vanille shot for the stairs and began to bounce down them quickly. Wondering a little as to why she could feel the anger ebbing away. As she shoved the door open to Lightning's floor.

She wasn't even sure if it was a case of knowing that Lightning had the animal. But what she did know was that she was going to scream at Lightning until she felt better. Even if it meant that she was going to scream at a woman who could easily snap any given bone in Vanille's body with ease that she had proven she can do.

Not even bothering to knock, Vanille tossed open Lightning's door, and just felt the urge to fight the smile that grew on her face at the sight of the animal currently curled up on Lightning's pillow sleeping as Lightning was on her knees cleaning up the mess she had made when she was furious and wanted to look for her journal.

"You feeling alright Vanille? You look angry." Lightning said softly as Vanille just took a deep breath trying to ignore why Lightning was able to calm her down as good as she has. This wasn't making sense and what she really wanted was to just scream at her for inadvertently getting Vanille's contact to Fang revoked for a week.

"I lost my calling rights to Fang for a week! All because you had a mini break down and I didn't go to Sazh right away!" Vanille yelled as Lightning sat back on her haunches to just stare at Vanille. "I mean yeah she is in Oerba but still!"

"Then what are you worried about? That doesn't sound like a punishment." Lightning said with a smile as Vanille felt an eyebrow raise as though she was about to scream at Lightning again. "I mean you said yourself, you can't really call Fang, by my count there is still two weeks left for her being there, and even then if she did need to get a hold of you in an emergency, they can't strip you from those. At least according to the rules."

As Lightning spoke that, Vanille could feel her anger almost subside entirely as she tried to piece together what was being said with what she knew for fact. "Frankly it sounds like the punishment really was for you to either calm down or dig your own grave. So depending on how they planned for it to go down figured you would come to your senses." Lightning continued as she picked up the journal that had been resting on the bed that Vanille could actually see was different from the one that was in tatters she had earlier.

"Why would Yuna do that?" Vanille asked as she came to a seat next to Lightning who had dragged the basket over to slide the book inside of it. "And if you actually want to hide something it is better to put it in the ceiling tiles... no one ever looks there, and if it is light enough it will never be discovered." Vanille said as Lightning just smirked at her pushing the basket and its contents towards the wall.

"I couldn't tell you why Yuna would do that. And I don't want to hide it. At least not that one... that one is just my day to day really with the occasional dream I had." Lightning mumbled as she could see Vanille just raising an eyebrow at it. "The one you had is a lot more of a private matter. I've had it since I was four... and when I got back, once I got used to the feeling of pencils and pens in my hands, I returned to writing in it." Lightning said as she rested her head against the wall as she took a deep breath.

"I don't get that. At all."

"You can see the somewhat drowning in stress but otherwise sane child for a number of pages, for it to turn around and have the same child to be broken to a point that she couldn't handle being around people any more and hearing a voice in her head which is now tripping up singing a modern major general. Which I'll admit is a hard song... not sure how something without vocal cords is finding it hard."

Raising an eyebrow as she stood up, Vanille began to help Lightning up from her position with just a smile starting to grow. "I've got no idea what that is." Vanille said softly as Lightning began to lead her towards the bed. Softly just smiling at the fact that Lightning had prevented her from possibly making a huge mistake, Vanille was just happy that Lightning had showed her the error of her ways.

"It is an old song that is famous for being easy to trip over the words because of how rapid you need to say them. The easiest part is just not singing it." Lightning said as she gently moved to the wall, just happy that she could see the puppy still asleep as she could see Vanille lowering her head onto Lightning's lap.

"I wonder if Celes knows it. You probably don't know her given how she hasn't taken our music therapy thing in a long time. It is probably because she often goes between all four buildings. But she has a pretty singing voice." Vanille whispered softly as Lightning just smiled faintly looking down at her.

Just enjoying the fact that at least Vanille was a lot calmer than when she came into the room furious over something that she shouldn't really be. Even though she knew that Yuna probably had her reasons, and she knew that they were probably valid, it did however seem like a cruel joke to play on someone like Vanille.

' _ **Celes... why does that name sound familiar... Ah, I'm sure if you don't remember it, then I won't. Now where was I?'**_

"I know our mythic history." Lightning muttered softly as she could see Vanille turning up to stare at her as Lightning just smiled softly at her. "Not towards you. It is just a line from the song because the voice got side tracked and I'm sure you've had ear worms... I can tell you it is so much more annoying when an entirely different part of your mind is singing along and will proceed to make you wish for a lobotomy if it doesn't continue a song."

Seeing Vanille reach up to lightly flick Lightning's forehead, a pout being ever present on her face as Lightning just began to glare at her. "Don't wish that... you have a great if not a slightly crazy mind. But while you are here you can fix the crazy. I don't want to imagine if any of my friends had lost themselves like that. Because if you get depressed... or in your case hearing things which is making me wonder if they ever are even remotely bad things. All of that can be cured or managed. But you can't fix that." Vanille mumbled her reasons as Lightning just rolled her eyes gently before leaning down to plant a kiss on her lips. Just enjoying how Vanille seemed to pick up immensely at that simple contact before Lightning pulled back just laughing softly at the euphoric expression on Vanille's face.

' _ **Oh yeah, you totally aren't a lesbian. Nope. Not here. You are straight. Say Light, while I'm here you want to buy this bridge? Ignoring the whole fact that you would be selling yourself a bridge.'**_

Groaning softly, Lightning just rested her head against the wall as she took a deep breath. "I should really get back to cleaning up my clothes... I am deeply sorry I snapped at you earlier." Lightning said as Vanille slide her arms under her legs as if to prevent her from standing.

' _ **Say Light... do you ever wonder what she tastes like? I bet it is nice. Like really nice.'**_

Shaking her head softly as she looked down at Vanille who had a harsh look in her eyes. "No... your lap is comfy despite the fact they are like rocks because they are that solid. But so is like every muscle in your body for some reason." Vanille began as she squeezed as tight as she could frowning a little at the fact that she could feel more pain than she figured that she was doing to Lightning. "And what did the voice say? You are doing that head shaking thing."

"Nothing... just was being stupid. Talking about cannibalism."

' _ **I never said we'd swallow for one. And two I never once said we'd eat her flesh. Honestly Light with all of this slander... I'm surprised that you haven't been sued yet. Farron or not.'**_

Sighing softly Lightning just smiled as Vanille tried to squeeze hard once again. "And I work out like just about every day for long periods of time. It is probably the one decent habit I got into because of Dysley. The whole terror of trains and talking to myself is probably the second and third decent habits given how shitty most of the habits are." Lightning said calmly as Vanille just rolled her eyes and began to get comfortable again.

"You're afraid of trains? Why? They are just a couple of tonnes of metal. But as far as Cocoon inventions go, they are cool and pretty comfortable." Vanille asked softly as if she was trying to figure out the secret of something that probably made Lightning all the more of a normal human. Namely just from the fact that as far as Vanille could tell Lightning was someone who didn't fear anything besides hurting someone. Not even at the expenses of her own body.

"I was trapped in one where I was frequently beaten and stuffed inside a poorly ventilated engine room inside a cage like the one across the room. And the only time I was really taken from the train it was to make some propaganda crap or an escape attempt... or moving to some different mode of transport or my favourite being forced to watch a mass execution. So I don't have the fondest memories of trains." Lightning quipped sarcastically as Vanille stared into the eyes that just seemed to be staring off into the distance between her. "Not to mention all the times I was nearly killed from more than just beatings... exposure, carbon monoxide, starving... frequent stranglings from a few guards and Jihl."

' _ **Don't forget the burnings, stabbings, tying piano wire around your neck and a post like some cruel dog collar that they would periodically tighten around the post just to watch you squirm. And yet only a fear of trains and large crowds of people. You think death would be up there as well.'**_

As Lightning finished speaking, she was shocked to feel Vanille shooting up to plant a kiss on her lips confusing her until Vanille parted and smiled softly at her. "You got that far off look you often get when you are in your memories." Vanille said in a near whisper as she Lightning just shook her head softly. "That does explain a lot... I would be terrified of trains and groups of people if that had happened to me. But I mean that is stretched over what five years?"

' _ **Aw. That's adorable. She thinks that the likes of those people would let us heal between each of those.'**_

"With the exception of the starving that was an average week from what I remember. The starving was closer to two to three weeks a month and the carbon monoxide thing was fixed within the first two months because they apparently didn't want me dead. Just want me to close to it. Apparently it makes for less escape attempts." Lightning said as she could see Vanille just frowning at the idea when Lightning just showed the ghostings of a smile on her face. "All it did was teach me how to be more stealthy. Also how to be a light sleeper. All because of the cage." Lightning said as she reached over and began to lightly run her hand over the animal's body.

"Is that why you tied the door open? Because it would make sense given that." Vanille asked as Lightning just shook her head as if to remind her where she was once again.

"Partially. Not to mention the chance for an escape in case of emergency. For either me or him." Lightning said as she began to lift Vanille's head, just enjoying how she moved with ease. "Want me to read to you or would you rather continue this conversation of how my past is filled with things that I probably should never have escaped from with my life."

"Reading please. I like that time travel story and kind of want to know how it is going to end. It kind of reminds me of how Cocoon and Gran Pulse are. People on Gran Pulse love to frolic and eat and have fun. While people from Cocoon are sullen, evil most of the time, live in near enough constant darkness and I'm still not convinced haven't tried to eat at least one of human." Vanille said as Lightning rolled her eyes as she gently moved the tiny animal down from the pillow as her and Vanille began to lay down. Lightning plucking the book from the stack of them on the nightstand as Vanille began to nestle closely between Lightning and the sleeping puppy with a smile on her face as Lightning with one deft hand cracked open the book to where they last left off on.

' _ **You know, normally I'd comment on how gay this is, but I like how pure it is so you get a pass this time.'**_


	60. Chapter 60

Chapter 60:

Placing the bowl down, Lightning smiled at the sight of the animal quickly walking into the cage to feast on the meal. Lightning just carefully walked back towards her bed, where she sat down comfortably when she could hear a knock on the door.

"Why can't people just leave us alone today?" Lightning asked the animal who had continued to eat the dried food not even giving a second glance towards Lightning as she just rolled her eyes softly wondering how this was meant to help her given how thus far all it has done is make her seem far crazier talking to the animal expecting some sort of rebuttal to come than she was talking to herself.

' _ **Welp Light, I don't think you are crazy. Uber in the closet, despite the fact that you clearly are a lesbian at the very least. And for the record I still think we can find out what she taste likes by the end of the week.'**_

"I'm not going to cannibalise her." Lightning muttered as she walked towards the door, gently opening it as she came to just block the door from Vivi in case he finished his meal early and wanted to get out and started to run down the hallway. Staring into the twins and Vanille's happy expression as they waited clearly patiently for Lightning. "What is it you guys want?"

' _ **Still not what that means. But I bet if we can ditch the twins you can find out what it really means? Even though she seems like the type that would make you taste yourself as well. Which I have to admit I am a little curious of that myself.'**_

"They figured I was coming up to pet the puppy and that you'd read some more to me... they weren't really wrong." Vanille said as she could see Lightning shaking her head once more.

"Do you know you do that head shake thing when the vo-"

"I've been told. And right now he is eating. Plus once he is done it is going to be close to the time we are meant to be back in our rooms." Lightning said as she could see the trio frowning. It actually raised some questions as to why it was affecting her like it was. But that didn't really stop the facts being the facts. "Fine... just for a few minutes and let him eat." Lightning said as she began to carefully open the door to let the trio enter but make it harder for the animal to rush out.

' _ **They make it harder to get a taste of ourselves and Vanille, but the twins don't make it impossible.'**_

Groaning at the voice, Lightning closed the door as she turned around to see the animal's head lifting up slowly to observe the newcomers before it moved slightly to the side to get a drink of water as Lightning walked a few steps to the side of the door as she slid down the wall as she looked at Vanille who had a slightly concerned look on her face.

"Relax. It isn't a bad groan more of an I'm getting annoyed by it groan." Lightning said softly as she closed her eyes softly as she rested her head in her hands gently. "And I only have books in French right now that I haven't already read to you Vanille." Lightning said softly as she pushed her head back to the wall.

"Damn..." Vanille muttered as she walked over next to Lightning before resting her head on her lap as she could hear Lightning groan softly at the fact that she couldn't have her legs to her chest like she normally wanted. "Did you hear what happened to Hope because he stole something though?" Vanille asked just trying to make small talk as she could see the animal walking out of the cage wagging his tail as he began to bounce towards the twins who had smiles on their faces.

"I don't care. It has no bearing on me." Lightning stated as she rested her hand on Vanille's stomach. Lightly patting the sensitive flesh under her fingers. Just smiling as she could hear Vanille giggling softly at the gesture. "That is like you worrying about what happens to one of the gardener's my father employs life."

"Your family has a garden?" Porom asked softly as she plopped down laughing as she could see Palom and the dog playing a bit rougher than she knew that he probably should but the animal seemed to be deeply focused on holding to Palom's sleeve as he let his teeth sunk into another side of the same sleeve. Just the sight of which was something that caused Porom to groan softly. "Who am I kidding... your family probably has a huge and beautiful garden."

Rolling her eyes softly, Lightning just looked at the preteen who had a small smile being ever present on her face as Lightning chuckled softly. "I'm not one for gardens. Or even flowers really. All except roses. But it is big and fun to run through. My sister is a lot more of a flower person. I did a lot of baking." Lightning clarified as she could see Porom just nod her head with a smile.

"Flowers are stupid anyways." Vanille muttered softly in what Lightning could just tell that it was a very clear lie. But she just didn't really want to call her out in front of the twins. "But Hope got sent to solitary for a few days and has his trustee status removed. Word is you are actually Rosa's daughter." Vanille continued in a sullen manner as Lightning shook her head. Gently at the almost sulking expression on Vanille's face. One she would gladly kiss away if it had just been the two of them.

"My life would be a lot less messed up if that was true... But again this doesn't change anything about me or what I want which is just to get better."

"Makes sense, but rumours are like gold in here because they are that valuable. Normally I'd get like five desserts just from that nugget." Vanille said with a smile as Lightning rolled her eyes with a slightly exhausted look.

' _ **Holy shit if that is true, I'm sitting on a gold mine. Spreading rumours is super easy. All that we are going to need is a photographer that will get us pictures of some arachnid human hybrid.'**_

Closing her eyes as she let out a sharp exhale, Lightning just shook her head gently. "That is a stupid idea. If not a new level for you." Lightning hissed as she could feel a finger just gently poking her nose alerting her to Vanille's presence all of a sudden. "It isn't anything good to talk about. Just the voice being stupid."

' _ **You know Light, words can hurt. Because you seemed to have forgotten the golden rule.'**_

"That is rich coming from you." Lightning mumbled as Vanille rolled onto her side as Palom began to giggle softly as he rolled backwards from the animal letting go of the sleeve. Something that just made Lightning chuckle softly as she looked towards Vanille. "So why are rumours so important here?"

' _ **Says the closeted lesbian.'**_

Smiling softly Vanille began to rub the side of her face against Lightning's lap. "People come and go all the time. Everything else is set on a constant rate. And it is always the same. So when people come rumours start which mix things up. It is what ultimately lets everyone keep their spirits." Vanille said softly as she Vivi began to run around in a manner as though to catch his tail as everyone seemed to be laughing the entire time. "So that is why they are so valuable. I mean otherwise the monotony would get to everyone."

"Makes sense." Lightning mumbled softly as she smiled at the sight of the hound bouncing towards Porom as if to play with her an equally amount of time. Something that just made Lightning laugh slightly at the idea of him trying his hardest to make sure everyone in the room was happy.

' _ **Damn it kid get me more pictures of arachnid man.'**_

Sighing softly Lightning closed her eyes as she rested her head against the wall once more just wondering how this day was going to get any worse than it already has. If just because she knew the voice always seemed to love to try and top itself with how it annoyed Lightning ever time.

"So are you going to close Vivi in his cage tonight?" Vanille asked softly as Lightning just cracked an eye open to look down at Vanille who had started to draw nonsense patterns onto her legs as if she was just trying to prevent time from continuing its steady march forward.

"No. Hell if I didn't need to, I wouldn't feed him in his cage. The door will stay open and he can go in there if he wants, but I'd rather not force him in. Cages aren't very happy memories for me and even though I know he doesn't have the same experience, I still don't want to run the risk of him getting any." Lightning muttered softly.

"I'm not going to pretend I know even close to what you went through... but I doubt he'll get a bad experience like you've had. Especially with how you are such a gentle person." Vanille said as she smiled at the sight of the animal plodding towards her with an almost glare on his face as he started to slowly climb up onto Lightning's shins. Something that confused Lightning a little as he began to quickly hop down as he grabbed onto the hem of Vanille's shirt followed by giving her sharp tugs as if he was trying his hardest to get Lightning's lap free.

Smiling a little, Vanille scooped the animal up as she sat up before she placed him down on Lightning's lap. "Its okay little guy. I can't stay much longer. But you make sure she has no bad dreams you hear me?" Vanille asked rhetorically as she quickly popped herself up into a standing position with a look of mirth on her face as she could see Palom and Porom starting to stand up with a frown at the fact that time hadn't stopped and they would have no choice but to go back to their room.

"Come on, you both knew that this was going to happen. Vivi will be here tomorrow so come on." Vanille said as she looked to Lightning who had a grip on the animal as she opened the door and gestured for them to walk out.

Knowing that she was feeling a bit bad, but Vanille did know that it would be a lot worse for them if they were caught in a room that wasn't theirs after the time they would be in a lot more trouble than what Hope was right now.

Seeing them start the march towards the elevator, Vanille just smiled waving them off. Turning towards the pink haired woman, Vanille bent down a little and placed a chaste kiss on Lightning's lips. "Till tomorrow. I should get going as well. I just skated by with my last  _punishment_  and I don't want a real one. Because Rosa and Yuna seemed mad and when they get sleep deprived from a chronic rule breaker like me, their punishments are a lot worse. Like a lot worse." Vanille said as Lightning just smiled leaning up to capture Vanille's lips with a smile as she separated. "And I swear one of these days I'll be able to find something you aren't good at besides just dealing with large groups of people... there has to be something." Vanille said with a smile as she began to skip down the hallway.

' _ **I'll take 'that is super gay' for two thousand Alex. I mean come on, she wants to make out, you want to make out... how come you never cop a feel?'**_

"I'm not going to dignify that." Lightning said as she kicked the door closed. Before she lowered the animal down. "I'm not even a lesbian." Lightning said with a calm expression ignoring the chuckling that she could hear in her head. Walking over towards her bed, Lightning plopped down onto her bed as she closed her eyes.

Hearing a soft whining coming from her side, Lightning sighed softly as she cracked an eye open to look to see the animal sitting down with a sad expression on his face. Rolling onto her side, Lightning just stared at the animal's expression.

"If I let you up are you going to get down when it is light's out?" Lightning asked rhetorically as she patted the top of her bed in the free space, lightly chuckling at the failed attempt from the animal jumping up to the spot.

Gently reaching down Lightning hoisted the sulking animal up. "I'll admit that yesterday I wasn't sure how I would feel about you... but thus far today has been great. Even if my room has been besieged with people. But you've actually been worth it." Lightning said with a smile as the animal quickly came to a stop by Lightning's pillow before he quickly spun around into a laying position letting out a yawn.

"I suppose today was tough on you as well. But give it a few days little guy. You'll get used to it. I know I did." Lightning said as she closed her eyes lightly. "But at least you'll have Vanille like I did... she is a wonderful woman... she even enjoys being with the monster that I am without being forced to like so many others." Lightning said with a smile as she yawned closing her eyes slightly tighter.

' _ **Light, while normally I'd love to screw with you... but we aren't really all that bad. We've just had to rely on instinct for too long in these situations. But I wouldn't go to sleep really. Not right now.'**_

"I'm just going to go to sleep. I'm just resting my eyes."

* * *

_Smiling faintly, the blonde haired woman lightly tapped her foot as Lightning was tossed onto the floor in front of her. Coughing violently, Lightning could feel a shiver overtaking her body as the blonde woman descended from her chair next to the throne._

_Coming to a stop next to the pink haired child's form as she began to slowly come back to a kneeling position. As she could see the defiance in the cerulean eyes, the blonde delivered a punch across the side of her head causing her to fall down again. Just barely holding her head from bouncing against the floor._

" _You know Claire, I'm getting fucking tired of this. Every single time, you get caught. And every single time you get brought before me I break things and yet it stops you until the injuries are healed and even then that isn't guaranteed to stop you." The blonde woman spoke as Lightning spat lightly on the ground as she began to get into a sitting position again._

" _Don't you dare call me by that name." Lightning hissed as she spat the mouthful of blood that had started to form again onto the woman's boots. She actually felt a large amount of joy as she could see the white leather starting to stain red. It actually made her feel better about this failed attempt._

_Feeling a kick to her ribs, Lightning doubled over in pain coughing once again as the blonde woman just stared at her. "You know, nothing pisses me off more than a child who thinks just because she was born with a diamond spoon in her mouth she can get in the way of the true prophet Dysley's vision of the world." The woman hissed as Lightning started to feel her body just wanting to give up from the pain alone. "Not to mention when said spoiled child had been caught in raw sewage like an animal that had to be hosed down."_

" _How about screw you and your prophet?" Lightning hissed as she felt another blow being dealt to the side of her ribs sending her onto her side coughing as she could see the woman stepping over her before she felt a pressure that started to build quickly on her forearm causing her to scream._

" _That's enough Jihl." A voice boomed in the room causing all the attention to fall onto a blond man walking into the room with an almost exhausted demeanour on his features causing Lightning to just_ _freeze_ _slightly once more. "I mean that is still a child. And like with all children, she still doesn't understand Orphan's design. Something that it is our duty to teach." The man spoke coming to a stop next to Lightning's head. "Even if the child is more of an ingrate despite the fact she has been given the gift of life."_

_As he spoke Jihl remove her boot from Lightning's arm before she took a few steps back. Wondering why the man had started to bend down to grab a hold of Lightning's head by a fistful of hair. "However that doesn't mean she shouldn't be punished for making us worry. Especially with such a wondrous cash cow that she is." The man spoke before he lightly tossed the woman down onto the ground once more. "But that is where the issues start to come. We've broken bones so much so that I think they are closer to twigs at this point. Hell we've even done a number on her mind." The man spoke as he stepped over Lightning's chilled body. "What else can we do?" The man spoke as he grabbed the woman's hands._

" _I don't know sir." Jihl spoke softly as she could see the man start to smile a little which caused some curiosity._

" _Oh there is a lot that Orphan would allow. I mean the obvious would be a simple statement like this." Dysley stated making Lightning wonder a bit of why she could hear the man walking away before quickly walking back towards her dropping a stack of bound paper onto her. "A simple reminder that while she has potential to be worth a lot, her value is worthless because it seems her family just doesn't want her. My favourite line from one of the more recent letters is how the sheet of paper_ was _worth more to her father than she is." Dysley spoke as Lightning began to laugh softly at what had started to become clear to her._

" _Chain her in the barracks. Tell the men do what they want as long as they don't break the skin or leave a mark on her face." As the man's exhausted tone filled the room, Lightning could feel a strange wetness along her face._

Jolting upwards, Lightning looked around in the dark room as she could hear a single bark causing her to take a panicked breath in as she scanned the room trying to find the location of where she was. As the bark resonated once more, Lightning looked towards the animal who had ran and jumped onto Lightning's lap.

' _ **Told you not to go to sleep... just be glad that the little guy woke you up. That isn't one of our better memories if you remember all of it which I just know you do.'**_


	61. Chapter 61

Chapter 61:

" _Chain her in the barracks. Tell the men do what they want as long as they don't break the skin or leave a mark on her face." As the man's exhausted tone filled the room, Lightning could feel a strange wetness along her face._

Feeling the tongue getting dragged across her face Lightning felt her eyes snap open again as she took a deep breath as she rolled over and gently scratched the animal's head as Lightning just groaned vocally sitting up fully.

' _ **So what's that? By my count four days we've had that dream. I don't even know where it is coming from. But the fact it is pissing you off is a little bit funny.'**_

Shaking her head from the voice's jest, Lightning began to sit up as she could see the worried expression on the animal's face. She knew full well what it was about. Or at least she was assuming it had to do with the fact she had been twisting and turning in her sleep.

Lowering her hand to gently pet the animal's head once again, Lightning just took a deep breath to calm herself down. "I'm fine Vivi. Just another bad dream." Lightning said softly as she could swear she could see a look in the animal's eyes. She wasn't sure what it was, but the closest Lightning could assume was that he just didn't trust that statement.

Shaking her head a little, Lightning quickly scooped him up and lowered him down onto the floor as Lightning began to stretch her joints. As she stood up fully she frowned a little at the sight of the animal sitting down staring at her.

' _ **Come on Light, even the animal is doubting what you say. Hell I'm doubting it. This is quickly turning into a let's talk to the professionals situation. Like is it a side effect for the meds we are on? We never have nightmares like that.'**_

"It isn't a side effect. And I'm fine. Nightmares always pass." Lightning said as she began to get onto the ground so she could start doing her morning workouts. At least she could hopefully wake her body up at this point.

' _ **Light, in the last four days you've gotten just shy four hours sleep. There is burning candles at both ends and then there is this.'**_

Lifting herself up, Lightning just took a deep breath as she could see Vivi almost begrudgingly walking back into his cage as Lightning began to lower herself down. "I'll be fine. I always am." Lightning muttered as she felt her elbows buckle a little causing her to fall face first the couple of inches she was from the ground.

' _ **Because we normally have more than an average of an hour's sleep. You are having issues even doing push ups. How the hell do you think your body is going to be able to carry your crazy ass longer?'**_

"It always has. I'll either do what my Father wants and die, or I'll get past this time."

* * *

Groaning as she fell face first once more onto the ground Lightning just began to take some deep breaths as she tried to figure out why her dreams were being plagued by that one scene. Her dreams almost never repeated like that. Everything was identical. Even down to what was spoken. And every night without fail Vivi had woken her up before something terrible happened.

But the days of being woken up early due to what was amounting to being a never ending nightmare was starting to strain Lightning in the worst possible way. Frowning as she could see her door opening to reveal the worried expression on the red haired teen popping in before quickly closing the door.

Groaning softly Lightning placed her hands down as she started to try and push up once more causing Vanille to just frown as she took a seat. Down just in front of the pink haired woman. Who almost looked like she was about to collapse.

"Lightning... I'm starting to worry about you." Vanille said softly as Lightning groaned as she placed her hands back down. "I mean you've been acting weirder than normal. And your eyes are starting to look a bit hollow." Vanille said as she took a seat on the edge of the bed.

Groaning softly as her hand slipped causing Lightning to fall down once more. "I'm fine. Van. Just haven't been sleeping all that well." Lightning hissed as she began to fight through the tired feeling in her eyes and in her body. It isn't the first time she felt it before, and she knew that she could get through it just fine.

If the last few days proved anything was that she'd just need to get through to noon and then she'd hit her second wind. From then she'd be fine until bed. She was just glad that Vivi had stayed sleeping in his cage. Not even sparing a glance towards what had become routine to him.

' _ **Ah... is the person in the closet trying to talk the nosy person out of sticking her nose in our business? You do realise that isn't going to work. If you were a betting person I'd wager that by the end of the day it doesn't matter if we tell any of the doctors, they are going to know.'**_

Shaking her head, Lightning gently lowered herself once more as she sighed softly at the feeling of Vanille's eyes on her. "Is it the voice... or Vivi? I can't exactly help you with the voice but if Vivi is the cause, chances are it is just minor separation anxiety. I doubt he got that connected to you, but it is a simple fix. Just a spare item of dirty clothing of yours like a sock."

"It isn't either of them. Vivi has been sleeping on my bed until morning, and the voice hasn't been its annoying self. It has just been stuck on some form of cannibalism that it hasn't bothered to explain to me because it was getting a reaction out of me."

' _ **Also me trying to get you to talk to people about how your sleep is slowly morphing into a constant nightmare. Honestly you are getting less sleep than a horse. How the hell do you think this is going to go on for much longer?'**_

Groaning as she felt Vanille lower her hands onto her shoulders to try and stop her from getting up once more. The resistance that Lightning just knew she could push through normally without any sort of difficulty, but right now try as she might she just couldn't get through this.

"Light, if you talk to the doctors they'll give you something so you can sleep easier. Or even talk to them what it is about. Because I know what sleep deprivation looks like." Vanille said softly as she could see the urge in Lightning's eyes seemingly die as she lightly tapped the ground with an open palm as if she took a deep breath. "I know you think you're fine. But this is pure exhaustion Light... especially if I can hold you down. I couldn't even get close to stopping you if you got some proper sleep."

' _ **I hate to be that person but, I told you thusly would happen. So we should really talk about this.'**_

"I am fine!" Lightning said as she quickly rolled out of the way from the hands that had been on her shoulders. She was getting tired of the voice and now Vanille acting like she was at some risk because she was having issues of not having a nightmare. She was going to be fine. She always was.

"Light... I don't doubt you." Vanille said being taken aback by the yelling coming from Lightning, but she knew that the woman was probably going to be on edge for a while. She had been after all for a few days. But there still wasn't anything that Vanille could really do about it besides trying to just get Lightning to talk to the doctors about this, unless they noticed it themselves. "I'm just starting to worry."

' _ **Huh... I didn't think it was possible to hurt her. But I suppose because you two have been practically dating for a while now.'**_

Groaning softly Lightning began to rest her back against the bed as she took a deep breath to try and calm herself down a little. "I'm sorry for snapping at you Vanille. I'm a bit on edge and telling me that is like telling me I'm not going to be fine. I'll eventually get enough sleep and not have a nightmare. It is just going to take some time." Lightning said softly as Vanille gently moved next to her.

' _ **You probably shouldn't have mentioned the nightmare part... you know how these people get with that. And then they make you talk about them... not that it wouldn't be a good thing. Just because we might be able to get some sleep which I would love. It would give me some rest as well.'**_

Gently placing a hand on Lightning's arm knowing that it was a constant gamble with the woman who she knew might snap at any point, and thus far had just proven that she can snap very easily when it comes to talking to people. And she had heard from Porom how much it hurts when Lightning breaks something, but she just knew that she had to. She had to be there for Lightning because Lightning had proven she could be there for them when they needed it.

"Do you want to talk about the nightmare? I mean if they were like the last one I don't know if I could even hold out a single day let alone multiples." Vanille said softly as Lightning just gently shrugged the hand off of her arm as she began to lean down to place her head on Vanille's lap. There was a certain amount of comfort to it that she just had no choice but to enjoy.

"It isn't like those..." Lightning said softly as she felt Vanille running her fingers through her hair. Somehow amplifying the comfort that she was feeling, and she had no idea why it felt like what she needed. "I don't know why... but I just get a bad feeling every time. It is always the same... me trying to escape getting caught, being brought to Jihl who was about to crush my arm for some reason and Dysley stopping it with this near commanding presence he had... they both constantly remind me how little I mean to my family... and then mentions how I'm meant to be chained up in the barracks and they can do whatever they want with my nine year old self as long as they don't leave a mark on my face."

Gasping softly at that statement, Vanille knew she stopped what she was doing as she tried to look at Lightning who had talked about it so casually with her. As if she had been talking about the weather with her. It wasn't that Vanille doubted that there was a lot that Lightning had casually talked about, but this kind of thing always seemed to shock her because she is reminded of Lightning's first night there. Those words she practically screamed as Vanille talked her out of the corner, or how she had found Lightning cowering under Yuna's desk from some memory being triggered.

"And then for whatever reason, Vivi wakes me up before the dream can continue... which I'm actually thankful for... worst part is... I know that all happened. My mind just blocks out what really came next. I do remember the feeling of the metal collar being clicked around me neck. But after that... nothing for a few days." Lightning said softly as Vanille continued to comfort her the best she could.

' _ **You don't remember that? Well I suppose it is for the best... that wasn't our brightest time. wasn't nearly our darkest either. But I guarantee you, that redhead isn't near enough qualified for you to drag her in'**_

Sniffling a little Lightning rolled onto her back as she stared at the slightly worried expression on Vanille's face. Something that was causing Lightning some minor worry before Vanille shook her head before she met Lightning's eyes and could see the question in them. "It's nothing. I just forget out of all the people I've known in here... you are probably the only person who is genuinely damaged enough to be here. Most people it is just horrible cases of depression... or for some it is PTSD mixed with some other things. But you... it is a miracle that you've been able to stay standing at all."

Smirking a little Lightning just gently cupped Vanille's hand. "It is the job of a Farron... we mustn't show weakness. We must always be the best. Even when we are girls." Lightning said as Vanille just rolled her eyes softly before leaning down and kissed her gently.

Pulling back, Vanille just smiled at the fact Lightning had a relaxed expression on her face. "Just... promise me you'll tell Yuna or Rosa about the nightmares Light. If they can't solve it, they could at least figure out the possible cause." Vanille said as Lightning rolled her eyes as she began to move onto her side to stare at the sight of Vivi letting out a yawn as he started to stretch.

"We should probably go get something to eat..." Lightning muttered softly as she watched the animal quickly walking to the other side of the cage to take a quick drink of water before he bounded out of the enclosure to come to a stop by Lightning.

Reaching up to gently scratch the animal's head Lightning just sighed softly as she began to sit up separating from the comfort. Being taken aback lightly at the feeling of Vanille capturing her lips with a kiss once more before pulling back to look at her. "Light... seriously. If anyone deserves to be rid of the nightmares of the past and happy it is you. I mean I might not know what your family life is like, but what I do know is that you are just the perfect type of person that has been dealt a terrible hand from fate." Vanille spoke cupping Lightning's face forcing her to stare into her eyes.

Sighing softly, Lightning began to move Vanille's hands as she just continued to stare back at her. "You don't know that Vanille. I don't even know that. As far as my family life... my father practically forced Dysley to keep me hoping that I would be killed and my mother was too spineless to stand up to him and expects me to be as happy go lucky as you are. I've seen and done some terrible things just to survive." Lightning said as she gently moved the hands away from her face. "But fine, I promise I'll eventually talk to them." Lightning continued as she whistled softly to get the animal's attention as she stood up and walked to the shelf where she kept the leash.

As she bent down she smiled at the sight of the animal puffing his chest out as he barely sat from excitement as Lightning just slid the leash onto the collar. "Come on Vanille. I'm hungry and kind of want just something to stay busy. And I know how you hate oatmeal."

"Don't worry it is tofu eggs and bacon day. I'm like the only person that eats that. And the staff knows that. Even the vegan members of staff and patients don't touch it. Makes me laugh a little. I suppose it just reminds me of Oerba." Vanille said calmly as she began to stand up stretching gently as she could see the raised eyebrow of Lightning. "During hatching season it is too dangerous to eat eggs... and sometimes meat. Not many people know Chocobos are meat eaters. And even fewer people know how dangerous they can be if they catch you eating real eggs because they'll assume you stole one of theirs. Mix all that with the fact they can kill a man with a single kick and Oerba had a lot of old people and children..."

"It makes sense... but why would some villages now offer people to come around and help with hatching season if that is the case?" Lightning asked as she started to fear for Serah's safety.

Smiling as she opened the door, Vanille just met Lightning's eyes. "I was joking. Partially. Chocobos are meat eaters, and they really will kill anyone going towards their eggs. Tofu just reminds me of home because it is what we were feed mostly at the orphanage. Soya was the largest crop grown in Oerba so tofu was cheaper than grains, plus we were guaranteed to eat it because they would make all these delicious flavours that never was the same thing twice. Yuel knows what I'm talking about partially even though she does have a family. Hell her older brother works in the kitchens here." Vanille said with a soft chuckle as Lightning just glared lightly at her. "Don't worry. I'm sure whoever your sister is with knows to drive home the point of not going near the chocobo's eggs unless the chocobo is on top of them."

Lightning sighed softly as she just had to accept that what Vanille was telling her was the truth as she started to walk out of the room with Vanille and Vivi prancing between them. "Who is Yuel's brother by the way?" Lightning asked softly because she didn't want to start a rumour that would without a doubt spread to Yuel who would have a seemingly random reaction.

"Ciaus. He just has a different last name because he was adopted by Yuel's parents who died when he was in his teens... part of the reason she is here. So he is super protective of her and at points the only person Yuel will talk to." Vanille said as she opened the door and gestured for them to climb down first. "Both are actually really nice if you get a chance to talk to them. You totally should. Just pick your words carefully around Yuel. She isn't all there like me."

' _ **What's this? We have a challenger for our crazy throne! We must defeat her permanently.'**_

Shaking her head gently, Lightning just smiled at the sight of the animal quickly bounding down the stairs with a seemingly bright smile as his tail wagged gently.

' _ **You're right Light. We are far crazier. We don't need to worry.'**_


	62. Chapter 62

Chapter 62:

Smiling faintly at the sight of the animal quickly sniffing the new ground, Lightning just took a deep breath as she pulled her legs up to her chest. She was at least thankful for the animal exploring and even the small area Yuna had created amongst the circle of furniture that they always talked in.

All of this because Yuna didn't want the leash on the animal all the time and so she could give Lightning a small break from him.

None of this really mattered to Lightning ultimately though. She was more so curious about the constant, unbreaking gaze on her. That was what really mattered to her. If just because she wanted the gaze to just get off of her.

' _ **You know... if I didn't know better I'd say she is onto us being so far in the closet that we think we are a straight woman who makes out with other woman...'**_

Rolling her eyes lightly, Lightning just continued to stare at the animal acting like the constant glaring at her wasn't affecting her. Even though anyone that knew her, would know how much this was affecting her.

"I suppose if you don't want to bring it up, I will. How is the medication Light? You don't look like you've had sleep so I'm worried." Yuna said snapping Lightning's gaze from the animal as it fixated onto her. It was what caused Yuna to relax, it meant that she had hit the nail on the head. Or at least what Lightning had assumed was right.

"It is just nightmares... I've had them before. The only difference is Vivi has been waking me up before it gets to the bad parts." Lightning stated as she began to squeeze her knees closer to her chest. "Unlike my previous nightmares... I do have memories of this one... up until the metal collar around my neck in the guards barracks." Lightning muttered softly as she just took a deep breath. "I don't think it is the medication though. I was taking that for a while before they started."

Sighing softly as the animal, came bounding back towards Lightning before sitting down in front of her giving a sharp bark before Lightning bent down and picked up the animal, giving him a gentle scratch as Yuna leaned back and looked at her with a deep curiosity.

"What is the content of these nightmares or memories if you don't mind me asking? You are just normally so far in on yourself that it is hard to ask you or steer onto the topic." Yuna asked softly wondering why the animal was starting to get into a sort of defensive stance on Lightning's lap as he just stared at Yuna.

Tapping the hound's head lightly as if to tell it off, Lightning just began to gently raise the hound closer to herself as she took a deep breath, as if she was trying to contemplate if this was going to be the time she could reveal more about that part of her past. A part that she just wanted to be gone and never brought up. Even if it was only a pipe dream she still would love it if it was a reality.

' _ **Light. I know that expression. Don't tell her. I didn't want you to tell our girlfriend, but you did anyways. Just listen to me now. Don't tell her because without a doubt she may start playing with our medication.'**_

"I want to tell her though." Lightning muttered softly, hoping that Yuna didn't pick up on what she said and was rather staring at the animal who had started to lick Lightning's face. Something that was becoming harder and harder for her to ignore, but she just had to. It would undermine what she was doing.

' _ **Light, your wants doesn't mean we will be safe. She hasn't harmed us yet. But I don't want us to take that chance. You however are just blindly trusting people.'**_

Looking at Lightning, Yuna just sighed softly as the pink haired woman relaxed a little as she just turned back to Yuna's gaze. "I was caught trying to break free from the train. And I was caught... brought before Jihl... and I got into an argument with her. As her response it was to beat me and almost break my arm by standing on it... before Dysley walked in stopping that. He then proceeded to give a long speech about what Orphan would want. Then he rubbed in the fact that my Father cared more about the paper he was writing on than me... and then he declared my punishment for trying to escape." Lightning muttered softly as she took a deep breath. "The punishment was to chain me up in the guards barracks and they were allowed to do whatever they wanted to to me provided they don't leave a mark on my face."

Hearing the story, Yuna could feel her mouth drying out. It didn't make her feel any better given everything that was going on. Especially with what she knew of Lightning's past that she didn't know. Or at least had repressed which made this discussion so much harder than before, but at least she was advancing her healing forward.

' _ **Ah, come on Light. You fucking Duck! Don't just tell that kind of stuff to these people! They don't want to help you in the same manner as I do.'**_

"That does sound awful." Yuna said softly as took a deep breath leaning forward a little. "And I know how cliche this sounds but how does that make you feel?" Yuna asked softly wondering what was going on through Lightning's mind especially what she heard from the mumbling coming from Lightning. Especially given how she could gather that the voice in Lightning's head wasn't keen on talking.

"Fear mostly... and Vanille thinks Vivi is picking up on that and why he has been waking me up for the past few days."

Lightning sighed softly as Yuna nodded her head gently. The reasoning was becoming clearer and clearer as to why Lightning was as damaged as she had been. But added to the fact that Lightning had been exhausted was starting to make her worried. She knew that with exhaustion typically came snapping which isn't something that they could hope to end will with Lightning.

"I  _can_ prescribe something for your sleep Light. If you would like... but it is something strong that I don't overly like to prescribe. Especially in cases of nightmares." Yuna began as Lightning felt an eyebrow raise as she began to lower it down once more taking some deep breaths. "It isn't something you would be allergic to Lightning. It is a natural occurring chemical that the brain produces to manage your sleep schedule. So don't worry about that." Yuna spoke as she stood up and started to step over the small wire gate as she walked over towards her desk where she plucked a small pad up.

"It is melatonin. If you take some, it will knock you out for a few hours. But once you take it, not much is going to wake you up short of your body working through it's natural processes." Yuna said walking back into the circle as she held out the small pad of notes out to Lightning so she could read it herself.

"I can have the nurses in the pharmacy know, and they'll stop by your room just before lights out to give you some. But again I really don't like prescribing it. Especially when someone is currently on an antidepressant. But nothing is technically wrong with either or even using them together." Yuna said as Lightning just lowered the animal onto the ground once more as she started to read what was handed to her.

Sighing softly as she just rest the object onto the arm of the chair she was sitting on. "What happens if I have a nightmare like I've been having? I know they don't sound all that scary... but they really have been." Lightning asked feeling like that was the most important question that could be asked.

Pressing her lips into a thin line, Yuna just stared at Lightning. "I don't know Light. From the people who have been given it, typically they report the lack of dreams... so you might not even dream." Yuna started as she leaned back a bit more as she gently interlocked her hands as she just continued to stare at the pink haired woman. "I don't need to tell them if you are worried about that. But it is starting to seriously look like you aren't sleeping at all and it is starting to affect you. And with a lack of sleep, that just makes everything harder about your case."

' _ **Don't take the meds Light. This shit always passes. We just need to give it more time.'**_

"You can tell them if you want Yuna... as long as I can get a decent night's sleep." Lightning muttered softly as she just pulled her knees closer to her chest. A small smile as she could see Yuna sighed softly at her. A gesture that confused Lightning a lot, especially given the fact that she had never seen Yuna react like that towards her.

"Lightning, this is something I seriously want you to consider. Think about it. Weigh the pros and cons yourself and let me know by five so I can inform the night time nurses. If not, I'm afraid you would be flipping the coin of if you'll have a nightmare or not." Yuna began staring lightly at Lightning who seemed like she was about to speak up when Yuna decided to continue. "Yes you would still be gambling about the nightmares, but it would still give you eight hours of sleep. Give or take an hour or so."

Taking a sharp inhale, Lightning squeezed her legs tighter to her chest as she took a deep breath. She couldn't help but just imagine that kind of torture. Something she was sure Yuna picked up on. Especially given how she just held a hand up to Lightning as if trying to calm her down.

"Light, right now this is your choice. But if your sleepless patterns are going to continue that option is going to be removed from you and we are going to need to induce sleep. I'm not saying this so you'll take the offer. I'm saying this to let you know the alternative if you try and gamble is in about two to three days is you are going to be held down as they inject the same chemical into your blood stream so you would sleep for everyone's safety and so we know if your body is reacting adversely to the medication you are on or if it is from sleep deprivation and the quickest way to check would be to not only test your blood, but also give you sleep." Yuna spoke as she could see Lightning relax a little.

"So it is either gamble now while it is my choice. Or gamble when it isn't my choice." Lightning muttered softly as Yuna nodded her head gently letting Lightning know exactly how this was going to go down. Not to say tonight wouldn't possibly be the first night in a while where she wouldn't have that dream and by extension would get a nice night's sleep not even needing the need of an additional support.

' _ **So are we going to roll the dice now with the meds which I**_ **totally** _ **don't want... or are we going to roll the dice after a few more nights of us barely holding it together which you don't want. Tough call. I'd go with the latter. But that is just the smart part of you making that call. You know the only part that hasn't been harmed yet. Physically anyways.'**_

"I'll take the meds..." Lightning said as she could hear a gasping sound which she wasn't really sure if it was genuine or faked for effect.

' _ **You are without a doubt the rudest person I've ever been in the mind of.'**_

"I'm the only person you've been in the mind of." Lightning spoke as she could hear a small bark coming from just below her knees causing her to gently lower them to just scoop the animal up and place him back onto her lap. A small laugh wanting to slip free as she could see Yuna crossing one leg over the other as she just looked at Lightning.

She wasn't really sure what was going to be the point of all of this, but she did know that it was going to be what ultimately she considered worth it. Especially seeing as Yuna tended to always know how to help her. Including with the small animal on her lap which Lightning had to admit that she was starting to get attached to it.

' _ **Doesn't change the validity of my statement. Actually makes it stronger.'**_

"Should I ask?" Yuna asked softly as she wove her fingers together and placed them onto her lap as she looked at Lightning as if she was waiting for the next response. "I might have only been listening to one side of the conversation, but it sounds interesting."

' _ **Don't tell her. People already think we are cuckoo bananas. How well do you think they'd take it hearing that you hear voices... wait... do they already know that? I keep forgetting what is and isn't known to those people.'**_

Shaking her head gently Lightning just took a deep breath and gently petted the animal's head. "Just the voice calling me rude because I wanted to take the gamble now. Even though I'm not entirely sure that it didn't want me to take them anyways." Lightning said as she rolled her eyes lightly at the sight of the animal quickly plopping down into a laying position letting out a loud yawn as Lightning just chuckled at it.

"Huh." Yuna said in unison with the voice causing Lightning to just contort her face slowly. Something that Yuna clearly noticed given how she had a raise eyebrow.

' _ **What it is weird you can pick up on sarcasm all of a sudden. But I'll let the shrink talk. I'll always catch you later.'**_

Shaking her head once again, Lightning took a deep breath as she looked back to Yuna as if gesturing her to continue what she was going to say. Carefully resituating herself, Yuna just looked at Lightning as she took a few seconds as if to think about what she was going to say.

"It is just, a strange thing. Also it reminds me of a previous conversation we've had about the voice trying its best to look out for you. At least in the sense that it has a sense of self preservation for you."

' _ **SLANDER! That slanderous whore! I simply only care about if my home gets destroyed. Why would I care about you? And before you bring up the fact I fend off all the really crazy thoughts it is because it would get very cramped in here otherwise.'**_

Sighing softly, Lightning just gently smiled at the sight of Vivi sticking his head up to let out a powerful yawn before he tried to form a smaller ball. Something that made Yuna just smile a little as she looked at Lightning. "Well, I'll let you click the leash back onto Vivi, because our time is nearly up, and I'll inform the nursing staff. And hopefully, you won't have a nightmare tonight and you'll get plenty of sleep." Yuna said standing up as Lightning reached across her to grab the short chain to click it onto the sleeping animal who seemingly knew what it was about and quickly jumped down and started to run in a circle.

"He seems to be a very happy animal." Yuna said with a small laugh as Lightning lunged from a small tug that just caused her to laugh. Before the animal quickly ran back towards Lightning's side with his tail wagging.

"He is. But he hates walking up stairs." Lightning said as she began to stand as Yuna moved the blockades out of the way that she had placed for the animal. Smiling softly as she could see the animal simply hearing the word causing him to plop down to raise one of his front paws and lightly dangle it.

Something that just caused Lightning to roll her eyes at as she gently gestured to him as Yuna was looking causing her to just laugh softly. "Point taken. But, that is something he'll get used to. Maybe when he is a bit older. We've got plenty of time to get him used to walking up and down them." Yuna said with a smile as she walked towards the door opening it with a smile.

' _ **Light, I'm starting to dislike this woman more and more... we must let the little guy take a dump on the floor here. That is the appropriate response to all these lies.'**_

Shaking her head lightly Lightning came to a stop outside the door as Yuna smiled lightly as she walked out closing the door. "Now, Light I'm going to suggest you to actually bring it up to Rosa that I'm suggesting you to take melatonin to cure the sleeplessness if she asks about it. Just don't expect this to be a permanent solution. It is purely to right your sleeping pattern. By the end of the week you should be off of it. If that. Normally two to three days is enough for that, but I hope you'll still keep me posted about it."

As Yuna spoke, Lightning just had to laugh softly at the sight of the animal bounding around as if there was nothing wrong and he was just trying his hardest to show the world his joy. Almost like there had been nothing wrong at all and he simply wanting Lightning to join along.

"Right, you two should go along. And come tomorrow I hope you come with news. Either good or bad. I'll take anything of the sort regarding you getting proper rest. Do you understand?" Yuna asked as she turned around after giving the door a few gentle pushes to make sure it was locked.

"Yeah."

' _ **You totally shouldn't tell her but you've made it clear with how rude you've been today that you probably will. So I'm not going to talk to you for the rest of the day.'**_

"Wonder how long that is going to last."


	63. Chapter 63

Chapter 63:

"So they are giving you some stuff to knock you out now?" Vanille asked as she lightly swayed her head against the wall as she tossed the ball she had towards Lightning who caught it with ease just laughing softly at the sight of the animal bounding quickly from Vanille's feet to the pink haired woman before dropping his front paws into a playful stance just trying his hardest to get the ball to be thrown once more. "I can see why though... you haven't really been yourself in recent days. But I mean your sister should be back soon shouldn't she? Which would then mean visits which you can't exactly enjoy if you are falling asleep all the time."

As Vanille continued her explanation, Lightning just took a sharp inhale before sighing softly. "I just wish it wasn't a gamble if I'll have a nightmare because I won't be able to be woken up if I do have one." Lightning said softly as she tossed the ball towards Porom who had remained quiet the entire time about the discussion. Not that Lightning didn't think she couldn't add something. She had mentioned a few times to Lightning about having nightmares of the past that just haunt her dreams.

"In my experience depending on the type of melatonin they give you you'll sleep dreamlessly. Which is a lot more haunting than you think." Porom said as she just waved the ball in front of the animal's face to keep his attention before she quickly threw it at her brother who had started to sulk because he wasn't allowed to play as roughly as he would like.

"Eh, I'll find out tonight not only what type but also if I'll have a nightmare, because Yuna said if I didn't go with it now, I'd be forced to take some and then I might have the nightmares anyways." Lightning spoke softly as she took some joy at the sight of of Palom just smiling before he tossed the ball towards Vanille.

' _ **I'm sure you are going to be fine. I mean the worse thing that will happen is us reliving something that we already lived through, and while it isn't the best situation we've been in it isn't close to the worst. I mean remember that time we were in the dog fighting arena? I didn't think those bites would ever heal.'**_

Shaking her head lightly, Lightning winced a little as Vanille tossed the ball towards the woman. As a laugh slipped out from the sight of the ball bouncing off Lightning's head, Palom quickly jumped up to grab the ball as Porom just glared at the red head.

"It's fine Porom. It got the voice to stop what it was doing. Namely just trying to make me question my sanity." Lightning mumbled as Palom quickly tossed the ball into the air before he caught it again. "It was simply reminding me of that nightmare is nothing compared to some of the other memories I have... does explain partially as to why I'm cautions around animals." As Lightning spoke she caught the ball Palom tossed towards her before just rolling it into the animal's grasp. Laughing softly at the fact the joy she could see was ever present in the animal's face as he grabbed the ball and began to pounce around with the toy.

"Either way you three should get going... Lights out is going to be soon and just before that I'm meant to have a nurse coming by to hand me the medication." Lightning stated as she stood up seeing some minor confusion in the animal who just barely nudged the ball snapping his attention back to it as he began to play with it.

"Do we have to Light? It is like whenever we get a chance to play with the puppy for long before we have to leave at night." Porom sulked softly as she stood up and began to lightly kick the ground. Before Palom stood up sulking softly in a similar manner.

"You both know that is what will always happen. Especially with Rosa's strict lights out policy in this building." Vanille said interjecting as she stood up and quickly scooped the four legged animal up as she skipped over towards Lightning and gently lowered him into the waiting arms. "I mean at least be glad that we could play with him at all. Now go. March. You don't want Lightning to lose the right to have little Vivi now do you?"

"No Vanille." The twins spoke out in unison as they began to walk out with a small sulk before Vanille closed the door and skipped over to Lightning to wrap her arms gently around the strong neck. Smiling brightly as she leaned up and planted a chaste kiss on her lips.

"I do hope you don't have a nightmare Light... and with my experience being sedated with that crap, Porom is right. No dreams... and while that is scary, it is a lot better than having a nightmare." Vanille said with a small laugh as she could feel Lightning lean in closer to plant a kiss on her lips. "Now, I'll be back in here before breakfast, and hopefully you'll be fine after getting a few hours of just sleep... but I suggest maybe keeping Vivi in the cage tonight... you know for his safety." Vanille said with a small smile as she took a few steps backwards. "I know you might not like the thought of it Light, but if he is even slightly determined, you might injure him."

"I know... I already planned on putting him in it... just not closing the door. He can't really get up on the bed by himself in my experience. But he does also try and get me to carry him a lot so who knows if that will work... just don't get into trouble tonight Vanille. I know you have enough trouble staying out of it."

"I've never once had an issue with that. That you've seen first hand." Vanille began as she started to take long steps backwards just to get to the largest bane to her existence. Lightning's door that constantly gave them the privacy to kiss, but it also made it so she could never stay longer with Lightning. It was already something that was challenging to get through one door, but two? That was unheard of to her. Not that she had tried, but she did know that once a door was triggered open, then chances are the head count to follow won't be very long and like everyone assumed she would be the one to go missing.

Smiling as she spun around, feeling Lightning's presence as she leaned forward to open the door. Frowning as she could see the nurse walking up to it with a raised hand and a paper cup in the other. "Vanille you should go back to your room... you have ten minutes before light's out." The nurse spoke quickly.

"Don't worry. I'm on my way out anyways. I was just playing with the puppy." Vanille said as she skipped down towards the elevator as Lightning just sighed softly before she turned towards the nurse who held the cup out to Lightning.

"Um, Miss Farron." The nurse began getting Lightning's attention who just shook her head softly at the statement like she was terrified something would happen. That was before Lightning just sighed at her.

"Don't call me that. Just call me Lightning... or Light." Lightning spoke as the nurse held out the paper cup holding two cloudy red pill like objects as the nurse just sighed softly.

"I'm sorry, but we were instructed to give you the gummy ones. They work faster." The nurse spoke as Lightning took a deep breath as she accepted the cup and quickly placed them into her mouth as she walked over towards the cage and lowered the animal into it as she stood in front of the door to try and prevent it from running out.

"Thanks... if that is all, Can you close the door please?" Lightning asked as she could see a gentle nod from the woman.

"I actually need to make sure you took them. Just like any medication you are given." The nurse spoke as Lightning started to chew the tough medication as she winced a little from the taste before swallowing the pills followed by her opening her mouth to show it being empty before she sighed softly closed it as she could see the nurse nod once more before she closed the door.

Shaking her head gently as she walked over towards the door, giving it a gently push to make sure, Lightning looked towards the animal walking towards the edge of the cage. "Stay in there Vivi. I'm not going to let you up tonight... it is for your safety." Lightning said as she took a seat on her bed just wondering how long it was going to be before the pills started to work.

' _ **Well Light, I don't think that we should have long... maybe we should get a quick run in... but then I suppose that we might run the risk of falling asleep and getting dragged back and tossed in here... or worse break a leg.'**_

Yawning softly, Lightning laid down are side as she could feel her eyes closing from seeming exhaustion as she could hear the unmistakable sound of a failed jumping attempted causing Lightning to just sigh loudly.

"Vivi! Not tonight." Lightning commanded as she could hear a gentle whine as she opened her eyes to see the animal sulking softly as he turned around and began to walk towards the cage with his tail just dragging along the floor as he came to a stop next to the door.

Sighing softly, Lightning quickly sat up as she grabbed the hem of her hoodie before she quickly ripped it off. "Here, if you promise not to chew it to shit tonight, you can use it for your comfort." Lightning said as she tossed it towards the cage which she could see the animal just pick up at what Lightning had tossed towards him.

Smiling as she could feel her eyes starting to get heavier all of a sudden, the only thought she had was that this had to have been the work of the thing she had just taken. Shaking her head once more, Lightning just smiled as she could see Vivi laying down curling up the best he could with Lightning's hoodie being draped over him.

Laughing softly as she begun to lay down, Lightning just took a deep breath as she let her eyes drift close once again as she began to shift her blanket by her feet up, towards her waist before pulling it up fully around her her neck.

' _ **I guess it is working fast. Just remember Light, I warned you. There is no telling what kind of nightmare we could have, so just temper your expectations.'**_

Once she was positive the voice was done, Lightning just sighed as she slid an arm under her pillow. "Just shut up... I just want to sleep now..." Lightning began as she let out a loud yawn before she tried to wrap the blanket around her tighter. "And this way... it is my choice." Lightning mumbled once more as she could feel her breathing starting to slow down as she could just feel her body drift closer to the abyss that normally made up her mind with nothing but a hope that the nightmare that had been plaguing her wasn't going to make a reoccurrence. That was probably the only thing that was going to bring her any joy.

' _ **Light... I know it is your choice. We've just never had the best luck when it comes to that. I just hope this is the time that turns everything around for us though... we kind of need that break through.'**_

* * *

_Lightning sat on the couch as she flicked through one of the many books she had already gotten bored of reading from cover to cover. Something she didn't even think that it was a hard thing to do, but here she was getting deeply annoyed with it as she was left waiting for Vanille to get ready._

_As she could hear some rapid footsteps coming from the other end of the apartment, Lightning winced a little as Vanille jumped towards her and wrapped her in a tight, near bone crushing hug that was just causing Lightning to cough softly. She knew that in years long since past that Vanille wouldn't have done something like this unless something bad had happened earning her curiosity if anything._

" _I'm so sorry Light." Vanille sobbed into Lightning who had just managed to worm the red head's arms up to around her neck so she could at least be in a slightly more comfortable position as she lifted Vanille up onto her lap._

" _What are you sorry about? You didn't peak at the Christmas presents again did you? That isn't something bad Vanille. At least it is only bad in the traditional sense." Lightning asked softly as she could see Vanille pulling her head back with tears flowing freely down her face. Something that was hurting Lightning a lot because she didn't even know what it was that Vanille was feeling sorry for which meant she couldn't really help her._

_Sniffling softly, Vanille slid a hand free and began to rub the tears as she tried her hardest to be strong for her girlfriend. But this wasn't the type of news she had been hoping for when she answered the call from Serah._

" _Your sister called... your Dad burned to death last night in his study." Vanille said as her tears flowed, she was dreading what Lightning would do, but the one reaction she could be certain that she wasn't expecting was the feeling of Lightning's lips pressing against her own in a passionate making out that normally she would be overjoyed to experience but this wasn't a case that it was making sense to her._

_Pushing Lightning back, Vanille stared at the woman with some more sadness in her eyes. "Light, he burnt alive. According to the fire investigator, he lit a cigar, and set his clothes on fire because he spilt some brandy on them earlier... your Dad is dead." Vanille said trying to get through to Lightning who just pushed Vanille into a laying position on the couch as she resumed the making out._

_Pulling back a little Lightning whispered into her ear. "I heard you the first time... it is just this is one of the best pieces of news I've ever gotten... it actually turned me on... so let me repay you." Once she was done with her small message, Lightning began to drift down to Vanille's neck causing her to kiss it deeply. Leaving dark marks when she pulled back softly as she used her hands to unbutton the white shirt._

_At the new expanse of skin being revealed Lightning began to bite gently a path down as she could feel Vanille seemingly torn between the pleasure that was going to be given to her and wanting Lightning to talk about some serious news that had just been told to her. Especially given their history of being in a mental hospital._

_Seemingly giving in as Lightning slid a nipple into her mouth as her other hand had applied pressure to her panties, Vanille let out a low moan as she felt Lightning smirk around the bud a top her breast._

_Letting the nipple slip free, Lightning just rested her forehead against Vanille's as the woman clutched the back of Lightning's shirt looking for anything solid she could hold onto. "So should I stop?" Lightning asked moving the garment aside, just so she could play with her outer lips. Hearing a small gasp coming from Vanille, Lightning normally would have loved to tease further, but she didn't want to run the risk of having to talk about this with a psychiatrist. She just wanted to enjoy this great news with Vanille._

" _Or would you rather I put my mouth to better use?" Lightning asked calmly as she leaned down to just run her tongue around the shell of Vanille's ear. She already knew at this point that Vanille was going to be too turned on to fight anything. Hell Lightning probably wasn't going to need to explain why it made her so happy and at the same time horny until tomorrow at this rate._

_Sliding a single finger tip in, Lightning just smiled at the sight of Vanille closing her eyes tightly before letting out a low whine as Lightning retracted the tip and spoke up again. "Mouth or fingers Van?"_

_Trying her hardest to rock her hips to get even slightly more pleasure right now, Vanille let out a louder groan as Lightning's free hand held her down. As if Vanille had weighed nothing. Something that normally Vanille often loved, but right now, it was actually paining her._

" _Mouth." Vanille gasped out as she knew that if Lightning wanted to keep her pined there was nothing that she could do to get out of it. At least this way she could feel one of her favourite muscles of Lightning going to work on her._

" _Whatever the messenger wants." Lightning said as she began to slide down Vanille's body, a small smile just on her face as she ducked under the skirt that Vanille was wearing. Smiling at the sight before her. The large wet spot starting to develop on the white material. Pulling them to the side once again, Lightning leaned forward extending her tongue giving the length of Vanille's slit one quick lick causing her to just hum softly as Vanille let out a loud moan._

* * *

Jolting upwards, Lightning felt a panicked breath as she scanned the room to see sunlight shining in from the window. Placing her hand on her chest, Lightning could feel her heart feeling like it was going to burst out of her chest as she felt a stickiness in the sheets causing her to frown softly.

"What was that?"

' _ **Light, I know I say this a lot... but are you positive you aren't gay?'**_

"Just shut up."


	64. Chapter 64

Chapter 64:

Tossing the towel she had been drying her hair with into the small hamper she had, Lightning took a deep breath as she looked over towards Vanille sitting on the floor scratching the animal's head. A sight that shocked Lightning a little before she remembered Vanille's penchant for just walking into the room.

Blushing, Vanille quickly looked down at the animal in her lap as she coughed lightly at the sight of Lightning's naked body in it toned, and scared beauty. A sight that Vanille was shocked she hadn't seen before in its entirety, but she still couldn't really look at her and expect some mystery to be there.

Blushing darkly from the memories of the dream, Lightning coughed into her hand lightly as she quickly walked over towards the baskets to find an outfit to wear. She had no idea why all of a sudden her indifference was leading to strange dreams, or even if it was a side effect of what she had taken to achieve said state, but she was positive that when she brought it up to Yuna she would have an answer.

Just wanting to shatter this silence, Vanille spoke up as she stared into the animal's eyes. "So how did you sleep last night? I mean you look a lot better." Vanille began as she coughed once again as she realised how her words could be taken. "I'm not saying you aren't pretty. Because you really are. But compared to how you were looking, you look a lot better compared to yesterday where you were practically passing out..." Vanille began as she blushed a much darker shade. "Um... what is with all the scars?"

"They all came from the exact place you'd expect. With the exception of a few I got from stitches I had to do myself because I'd be damned if I had to go to a hospital or had to talk to either of my parents about an accident happening. All of which surprised and infuriated my sister because of my attitude towards doing it was it having to be done."

' _ **So you aren't even going to address the super gay dream? Because you were going to town on her in that. Which just raises even more questions frankly. Like why can't we taste in a dream? I mean most of that shit is done up here...'**_

"Not going to even answer that." Lightning hissed softly as she quickly pulled on a pair of panties before she grabbed the pair of sweats and pulled those on as well. Just enjoying the fact that Vanille seemed to look a bit relieved at that as Lightning grabbed one of the sports bras seeing Vanille just frown a little at the sight. "I'm not going to go braless Vanille. Especially if I run which I always do. That shit hurts like hell." Lightning stated calmly.

' _ **Maybe you should let her suckle like a newborn on one of those bad girls. But I mean that would turn the super gay subtext into full blown actual text... but I think you would benefit from it.'**_

Shaking her head Lightning grabbed a new hoodie as she looked around and just smiled at the sight of the one she had given the animal last night bundled up in the corner carefully as though he was trying his hardest to not damage it and still use it as a comfort.

"You never answered my question? How did you sleep?" Vanille asked sensing that whatever was being discussed between Lightning and the voice in her head needed a subject change.

Smiling a little as she began to sit down next to Vanille, Lightning lowered her head onto the smaller woman's as she just sighed softly. "I slept undisturbed. Bit of a strange dream, but not a nightmare. Even got in a vigorous workout this morning."

' _ **Because nothing says you are a straight like constant stripping around woman, working out and running from gay thoughts. You are like that actor... what was his name.'**_

Grumbling softly Lightning just smiled at the feeling of a gentle kiss on her cheek. "Pity I didn't get to watch it. It is a very tantalizing sight. Like watching bread rise in the village bakery. You know you shouldn't touch it... but it doesn't stop you." Vanille mumbled as Lightning laughed softly before she chastely kissed Vanille. Just enjoying how Vanille constantly tried her hardest to resist the urge to deepen the kiss. Something that did make Lightning feel a little better about this.

"There will be other times Van. I was just up early and felt like I was full of energy, so I blasted through my sets... but we should head down soon if you want the waffles which I think it is today." Lightning said as she gently picked up the dog who had a relieved look on his face like he was simply just using Vanille to bide his time until Lightning would return and grant him the attention he felt like he deserved.

Smiling at the sight, Vanille began to stretch gently as she started to stand up, just enjoying the sight of Lightning just blushing at something. But that wasn't going to stop Vanille any. Extending her hand gently Lightning just shook her head as she accepted the limb as she plucked the animal in her lap up in her other hand.

' _ **Oh my god, how far in the closet can you be? Because this is becoming the punch line to some joke or something. But you're right Light. It isn't gay if there is a dog present.'**_

"Why can't you just shut up?" Lightning asked rhetorically as she could see Vanille just laughing gently at the comment which she knew it was from the fact that Lightning nearly broke down last time from the voice just being silent, but that didn't exactly stop the meaning behind what Lightning wanted. She really just wanted the mocking to end for some of her time in the day.

"Come on Light. We can get waffles. And oatmeal for you I suppose. Even though that stuff is disgusting and it is a complete mystery to me as to how you can even stomach it in large amounts, but still. Maybe you can tell me about the weird dream... or I can tell you about a weird dream I had. I don't even know why I dreamt I was eating a shoe." Vanille quipped with a smile as she could see Lightning just chuckle softly at the comment.

"I really don't want to talk about my dream. At least not right now... you always judge me whenever I talk about my father and all I dreamt was how I was so happy when I was told he was dead." Lightning said as she could see Vanille just pouting as she looked at Lightning. "Judge me like that."

Rolling her eyes at the point, Vanille stormed towards the door as Lightning clicked the leash onto the animal. "I know Vanille. You never had a father... but not all of them are exactly what you'd see on the tv... mine was actually far from that, and he never hid from me exactly where I stood to him. Which was much lower than normal people because I was the first born and I wasn't male."

"That doesn't make sense to me... why would someone hate their child for something like that? And I know your family is kind of crazy... I mean you can read and I'm assuming speak in multiple languages... more than Palom and Porom who were raised partially in a church. And you know a lot about people cutting into brains and destroying what makes a person a person... and a whole bunch of other crazy things... but hating someone because they were simply born first and a girl..." Vanille whispered softly trying to at least let Lightning see it from her stance so it just didn't seem like she was mad at her for saying that the death of the one thing Vanille would just love to have made Lightning happy.

"I know you don't get it Vanille. But to put it this way, I'm from an old family that has super old value so women are often just married to secure positions which it doesn't need. Something that intimidates most people, and the fact I have a long history with multiple war criminals makes it even harder... so odds are, I'm useless to my family in that sense. The only alternative is continuing the family blood line... which you can do with a single daughter and a son... unless the man you wed your daughter to is spineless enough."

"That doesn't make sense. What ever happened to marrying for love?"

"Never exists for a family whose wealth is close to the Scrooge McDuck power. Not even sure if there isn't a giant vault of money you could swim in one of my family mansions." Lightning said as Vanille opened the door before pausing. "He is a cartoon white duck that is famous for being stupidly rich and being a miser... and I only know of him because he is one of the first things my sister showed me when I got back because the doctors said it was best to catch me up slowly to what I missed."

Snapping her fingers Vanille just smiled at Lightning. "I remember him now... he looks cute. Plus he talks funny." Vanille said with a laugh as she started to skip slowly next to Lightning as they came up to the elevator. "But let's talk about waffles instead, because our topics of talking are going to start making me sad which leads to well... you know."

"Agreed... I just hope today is going to go by easier now that I've had a solid eight plus hours..."

' _ **With a hot lesbian dream... but you're right. You aren't gay. Nope. Nothing gay about what you dreamt about... you were just naked wrestling her like mommys and daddys do.'**_

Shaking her head as she lowered the animal down, just glad that she was still able to hold a corner position as the metal box began to move downwards, she just looked towards Vanille who had a concerned look in her eyes. One that Lightning knew well enough to know what it was about, which she had to admit with her history in the building it was well founded for her to be like that.

"Don't worry Vanille. It isn't the bad type of thing. Just average run of the mill stupid. Nice to see that someone is worried though." Lightning said as she winced a little from feeling the flick against her forehead as Vanille just pouted slightly at her.

"Of course I care Light. You're a friend, that has showed me so much... Frankly everyone should be worried about you... you are such a kind and nice person that the world doesn't really deserve." Vanille said as Lightning just smiled as Vanille moved next to the woman and gently cupped her cheeks.

"Thanks Vanille." Lightning spoke softly as she reached up to just gently clasp her hand over Vanille's, as she just had to ignore the cackling going on inside her head.

' _ **No. Totally right. You are so straight that you make squares jealous. I'm just blowing smoke up your ass about this all being gay and you dreaming of going to town on someone at the news of your father's death making you so uncontrollably horny. A dream I might add that changed the meaning of chewing the messenger out.'**_

Groaning softly, Lightning was just glad that Vanille slipped her hand free as she spun around to see the doors parting causing Vanille to quickly run out of the elevator to do what Lightning just knew was get into line so she could make sure that she got something that wasn't oatmeal. A feat that was kind of amusing to how she would fight so hard for that one thing.

' _ **Yup, not gay at all...'**_

* * *

Smiling at the sight of Vivi running around the small enclosure as she leaned back in the chair accepting the hot cup from Yuna, she could feel some comfort from the fact that Yuna was at least willing to let her talk earlier than normal, but it still didn't seem like she was going to be able to talk about it. At least not in the sense that mattered to Yuna because it was all still so confusing to her.

As Yuna got comfortable, she smiled as she crossed one leg over the other, gently nestling the cup between her hands as she stared at Lightning waiting for the teen to start talking. The strangest thing about this however was the fact that Lightning had come to her early. Not just early but nearly an hour before anything on her schedule was due to start.

It was something that was kind of funny to her, but she could see that there really was something that was bothering Lightning. Which meant that it really was going to take up all her time given how reclusive Lightning was.

"So I suppose, I'll start. It looks like the melatonin worked. But that is just how it looks. How do you feel?" Yuna said just hoping that she had picked the right topic to talk about and wasn't going to accidentally shove Lightning down a path she didn't want to take about. Something she feared when she could see Lightning tensing up slightly at the comment. "So good or bad?"

Biting her lip to the point where she just knew that it was going to bleed, Lightning knew that she had to talk about it because of how Yuna had accidentally hit the nail on the head of what was wrong.

"I... it is..."

' _ **Go on Light. Tell the nice woman about how you totally had a very clearly platonic dream. Platonic like a prono.'**_

Sighing softly at the comment, Lightning knew that there really wasn't going to be an out. "It wasn't a bad dream... it made me happy... maybe a bit too happy to hear my father accidentally set himself on fire causing him to die in a horribly, and painful slow manner. Which lead to me having some night time... um..." Lightning began as she just winced internally at the sight of Yuna seeming like she was being asked the world's hardest question before it dawned on her leaning back she just nodded gently.

"Ah... that raises a few questions... but let's start with the easiest one. Do you want your bedding changed? Because that isn't something I actually handle. I can get you into contact with the people who are in charge of that though." Yuna said as Lightning just frowned a little as she began to slouch. "You won't need to tell them about that. you'd just need to request new bedding. We do work with a lot of young children and elderly so we do always have a few spare sets of bedding for each bed." Yuna spoke as Lightning just nodded her head in agreement to that plan that just caused Yuna some small amount of joy as she made a mental note of needing to contact maintenance.

"Which brings me onto my next point..." Yuna began softly as she cleared her throat as she bent forward to rest the mug on the coffee table before she leaned back gently brushing what she was wearing down as she she began. "What was the context of the dream? Like where you there when your father passed? Did you cause it? I ask not to pry but to make sure you aren't going to pose some sort of threat."

"It isn't like that. I was sitting down waiting for... a... um..." Lightning began as she blushed lightly, wondering why she was being forced to talk about this but here she was. "A woman to get ready for a date and then she came rushing into the room in tears telling me about it and my way to thank the messenger was for us to be intimate." Lightning continued as she began to pull her legs closer to her chest as she took a deep breath before she knew that she had to add, "I'm not gay though."

Feeling an eyebrow raise at that comment, Yuna just gently shook her head. "That is something we can talk about later and the clear shame you have towards yourself for wanting to be in a happy relationship. Why was your first reaction to that news to be with someone in that manner? I know from all your stories, that you don't have what most people call a healthy relationship with your father, but that is the first time I've heard that kind of reaction." Yuna said as Lightning just shrugged her shoulders gently as she took a drink from the mug.

"He had said countless times that paper has more value to him than my life... so I was just beyond happy at the sound of him dying in agony... it was probably the happiest news I've ever been given." As Lightning spoke softly she just couldn't seem to control herself as she added in a small amount of extra information. "Pity it was only a dream... there was no voice... I seemed like I had a nice life... I think I felt what it was like to be in a happy relationship... and my Father died in agony after he tried for so long to get me to die in agony and isolation."

Hearing the soft voice only taking periodic breaks to take a drink from the liquid, Yuna took a deep inhale as she uncrossed her legs as she began to rub her eyes softly as she tried to think of how she was meant to address this. "Those are all possible with the exception of your father dying in agony. But first thing is first, we still have many things to talk about and get you healthy mentally first... for a lot of reasons because death of a loved one isn't exactly an aphrodisiac."

' _ **It doesn't sound like she knows our father too well. Ah to be that innocent again...'**_

Shaking her head gently Lightning took a deep gulp from the liquid, just hoping it would shut the voice up. She was even a little glad that Yuna hadn't seemed to notice her attempt at getting that reaction from the voice.

' _ **Search your heart Light... you know it to be true.'**_


	65. Chapter 65

Chapter 65:

Groaning as she sat sitting at the table, the pink haired woman began to quickly look around, just hoping that this wasn't going to be something that made its way back. She was just so happy that she got to do it. It was a bit of a shame that she couldn't get here sooner, but that wasn't something that could really be blamed on her.

Sighing as she pushed herself off the chair, she began to snap her fingers lightly as she stopped at the scraggy but distinct hair that she had spent the best part of her time on Gran Pulse seeing, just walking into the small hallway before stopping as the recognition seemed to set in at both ends.

"Serah? What are you doing here?" The raven haired woman asked walking up towards her before stopping as the pink haired woman began to quickly give her the once over.

"I can ask you the same thing Fang. And why didn't you shower last night?" Serah said as she pulled her head back before gently covering her nose as the raven haired woman shook her head in the same playful manner that Serah had gotten to know in their time together.

"I asked first." Fang said showing her a toothy smile as Serah rolled her eyes at the childish comment. The type of comment that Serah would have smacked anyone older than ten if they used it against her if it hadn't been Fang.

Rolling her eyes as she returned to her seat slightly anxious if she would get enough time to talk to her sister about things, especially with Fang being here. She just knew that she couldn't really ask Fang to leave if she had a legitimate purpose here.

"I'm visiting my older sister. This is like the second longest I've gone without seeing her or even hearing her voice and according to my Mom last night she had even willingly called the house a few times... so I'm a little worried that an alien has taken the form of her." Serah said as she could see the Pulsean move her head back out of shock. Something that neither had really seen before causing Serah to shake her head a little. "Yeah... Claire isn't exactly a point of pride my Dad likes to talk about. She's been through hell and it all kind of accumulated into this. But she is still my sister, and she has tried so hard to be there for me... including surviving the hell of being dragged along during the Purge. From start to finish she was forced to be there and I just know if my Dad could have he would have gotten her back along with me." Serah said raising a hand to quickly just brush the few tears that had slipped from those faint memories she had of being present with her sister during some of the darkest times she thought possible.

"Anyways enough about bad things... your turn. Starting with the smell."

Laughing softly, Fang began to shake her head as she rested herself against the wall. "I slept under the stars last night. I don't like sleeping inside when I'm on Gran Pulse. Just seems like a betrayal of everything I was taught. As for why I'm here... I guess you could say my sister is here. Even though according to all the stupid paperwork which was a pain in the ass to learn how to write, she is my adopted daughter." Fang spoke as she could see Serah frowning a little. "If you are curious as to why... and why that one Chocobo was so close to me... well that would be Van's doing. She tried to kill herself a few years back and the only being she told as to why was Scruffy. But the staff here are actually very good and do try and keep you up to date if you ask." Fang continued trying to console the woman who she had to admit reminded her an awful lot of Vanille.

"Except Claire and I both have parents. And all three like to try and keep me in the dark. Hell she is only here because I had to force her to talk to a psychiatrist that I just lucked out and was talking with Claire's favourite teacher... and she just so happens to work here." Serah mumbled softly under her breath as she could hear some walking on the other side of the large doors causing her to almost jump up at.

She could feel herself just wanting to rush towards it, but she knew that she would be forced to wait regardless. It was best she just had to wait here.

"Wait, Serah, how did you get back here? Don't you need an adult's signature?" Fang asked just trying to distract the teen who just chuckled softly.

"I may not like doing it often, but it does pay to be a Farron."

* * *

Chewing her lip, Vanille began to wonder why she was being brought out of the arts and crafts lesson. It used to be her receiving some sort of punish, but since her and Lightning started getting close Vanille didn't even think she had broken any major rules.

Which left the new reason she got pulled from something. Namely Lightning having a breakdown and the staff figured the only person she would let get close to try and talk to her was Vanille. It was something that terrified Vanille for the simple fact that Lightning hadn't really broken down to that state in a long time. All it seemed to be was her taking a sudden back step.

Sighing softly, Vanille looked up as the elevator doors open causing her to go slightly wide eyed as recognition as to what the hallway was began to set in. It meant her long wait for the only other joy besides being with Lightning was here. She would even get to reap the reward for her deal with the devil.

Practically rushing towards the line waiting to get into the room, Vanille just felt her smile being robbed as she could see the head orderly walk towards her. She wasn't sure how but just the sight of him was enough to make Vanille wonder if she could get revenge on him for this.

"Relax Vanille. I was wondering do you know where Lightning was? Her schedule said she was meant to be with you." Sazh asked as Vanille just felt an eyebrow raise. She just knew that the rules were going to be damned, just so she could get her revenge on the man for causing her to suffer like this. "Fang is here. Lightning just has a visitor as well."

Letting out an 'oh' of understanding, Vanille just felt relaxed for what that clarification. "Last she said was she was going to go talk to Yuna... So I assume still there. But that was a while ago. Something about her sleeping schedule is going wonky again." Vanille said as the man just nodded her head. "Can I go in? It feels like it has been forever since I got to see Fang. And I was already thinking of revenge because I thought you were just screwing with me for some reason."

"I wouldn't do that to you Van. At least not with Fang. I know that would turn your revenge from being a simply whoopie cushion to being something closer to you trying to set the building on fire." Sazh began as he waved over one of the orderlies by the elevators. "But once the doors are open feel free to go in." Sazh spoke before he turned to the man he called over. Smiling, Vanille skipped so she was facing the door.

Smiling as she could see the one Sazh had called over walking towards the doors with keys at the ready. As the keys slipped in, Vanille was already debating if she should just risk other people's mental healthy just so she could get to the front and see Fang that much faster. But then she just remembered that would probably mess with her and Lightning's rituals because she would most likely be placed in solitary.

She didn't even need to wait much longer regardless as the line ahead of her quickly dispersed into the room, causing her to enter. Quickly scanning the room, Vanille smiled as she nearly ran towards the raven haired woman wrapping her in a quick hug.

"I missed you Fang..." Vanille said into the embrace as that she was just happy was returned to her. A return that just felt as good as when Lightning as holding her, and yet so much worse.

"I missed you too Van. But let me see your arms." Fang stated slightly dry for Vanille's tastes as she pulled back and just pouted. Staring up into the emerald eyes as she was just hoping there would be a reason for this kind of attack. "Don't give me that Van. You don't take your medication, and do have a very long history here."

Frowning as she looked down, Vanille just took a deep breath. "I have been taking my medication..." Vanille said as she revealed the burn scars on her arms for the woman who just observed them carefully before pulling her into a new hug. "It isn't because I trust the shrinks here though."

"I don't care what the reason is Van." Fang said softly as Vanille just smiled at the contact. She had to admit that it did feel a lot better knowing that Fang wasn't seemingly mad at this point. Normally at this point Fang had flicked her head and said how she just wanted her to be better. It was actually a little nice to know that Fang's first reaction for when they met didn't have to be her lecturing Vanille over something.

Pulling back, Vanille just notice a pink haired woman sitting at the table looking a bit uneasy. Following her gaze, Fang just shook her head. "Relax Van. I know her she helped with Hatching season. She is here for someone."

"I assume it is Lightning." As the name left Vanille's mouth she could see the woman sitting down looking towards her as if wanting clarification. "The pink hair... blue eyes... kind of a give away." Vanille said explaining her explanation.

"How do you know her?" Serah asked a woman who Fang had clearly been talking about.

"I'm a friend of her's." Vanille said as she could see the clear scepticism in the woman's features. "You know... slightly smaller than Fang... works out like all the time. Really good with puppies and children. Really smart... reads like a billion languages... her favourite story is kind of sad and she is super smart."

"That doesn't sound entirely like her... she has never been around animals to my knowledge... and doesn't really like people. And I wouldn't really call her favourite story sad. But we do read a lot of languages... and can speak in all of the ones we can read." Serah said as she took a few deep breaths as she went down the list of attributes for given for her sister once more mentally. "Guess I got to give you smaller than Fang and works out like all the time... and super smart."

"Wait... Serah I thought you said your sister's name was Claire?"

"Long long story. But let's just say we both are right and don't call her that. It will lead to a fight and she kind of knocked Snow on his butt a few dozen times and caused some broken bones."

"Pfft, he is a weakling with a fragile ego..." Fang said with a small laugh.

"Serah?" A voice broke the through the group as they could see a taller woman walking in with a hand reaching up behind causing Vanille to just smile at her. Smiling brighter as she could see the woman who had seemed distant when talking to Vanille and Fang rush towards Lightning and wrapping her in a hug.

Wincing a little from the sudden hug, a small yelp seemed to cause what Lightning wanted in the hug to namely disengage. Looking at Lightning quizzically, before small black paws were placed on Lightning's shoulder shortly before a head appeared and glared at her. Chuckling softly, Lightning snaked her hands up to gently lift the animal out of her hood before placing him down. Just enjoying the sight of her sister quickly looking between the animal and her.

"Long story... Vivi is meant to be therapy and training for him. And I need to keep him with me for a long while because Mom... or Father... I never found out which one." Lightning mumbled lightly under her breath as she smiled at the sight of her sister quickly bending down to pet the animal's head with a smile. "But can we sit down? I didn't sleep too well last night." Lightning asked as Serah just turned to her with a worried look as she began to look around for Fang and Vanille.

Walking towards the table, Serah took a seat and gently patted to the one next to her for Lightning to sit down at. Something that was just causing minor confusion for her but that didn't matter all that much to her. She had far more pressing things to take care of.

"What are you doing here Serah? Not that I'm not happy to see you, but isn't your Chocobo thing not done for a few more days?" Lightning asked as she began to sit down, just enjoying the sight of Serah bending down to gently pet the animal once more he sat down. Causing Lightning to groan knowing what was coming. "Don't give me that look. We both know your paws aren't injured... you walk on them so rarely to begin with." Lightning mumbled as Serah quickly and gently picked him up to place him on her lap causing Lightning to groan a little.

"Why do you sound so mad? You have a puppy. And a nice friend... where ever Vanille vanished off to." Serah said feeling a little betrayed as the dog quickly hopped off her lap and into Lightning's. She knew it was probably because he didn't know her all that well, but that didn't stop the hurt feelings. "And being in Oerba ended a few days back. You don't listen do you."

' _ **She has a point Light. I mean I told you if the wet dreams are bothering you, go off the crap. But I suppose nightmares aren't very fun either... I guess it is up in the air which we should do.'**_

"It isn't that I don't listen Serah. It is that I'm forced to listen to one thing nearly twenty four seven, and then my brain can't exactly handle listening to multiple things at once. But you were in Oerba? Vanille is from there."

"Figured as much with how much Fang talked about her while we were waiting. Fang was the person who lead the trip down to Oerba to help the chocobos. Which are just as cute as I thought when they hatch. They are so tiny and in a few hours they begin to fluff up. So they become like four times more adorable." Serah gushed lightly as she looked at her sister with a slightly worried expression. "But why didn't you sleep well Claire?"

"It is nothing that should be worried about Serah. I just got done a long conversation about that to Yuna and the head psychiatrist here. And it isn't really a nightmare as to why." Lightning mumbled softly towards her sister. "Let's not talk about that though. I get enough of that crap from Vanille... and the twins..."

"Multiple friends? Claire... this is strange. What are they like?"

' _ **If she thinks that is strange I wonder what would happen if you told her about our girlfriend... or would you prefer mak**_ _ **e**_ _ **out partner. How about we go something older... 'one who is't we shalt bangeth'... Fan of that one.'**_

Grumbling softly, Lightning gently picked the animal up before placing him down behind her ignoring the soft whining as she rested her head against the table. "They are just preteens who've latched onto me for advice at points... for some obscure reason or another. I don't get it any. I mean I broke one of their arms... asleep or not they should be terrified of me." Lightning mumbled lightly as Serah just shook her head at her sister's statement.

"It was an accident if this is what the call to home a while back was about." Serah scolded lightly as she tapped her sister's forehead. "And once you get past the fact you like to keep most people at arm's length you are really nice and really smart. Vanille thinks so anyways."

Rolling her eyes lightly Lightning move over on the bench a little as she could feel Vivi just asking for permission silently to be allowed up. Sensing the message, the animal quickly hopped up before he sat down with a smile as Lightning just shook her head at the fact that both him and Serah seemed deeply happy at the single gesture.

"He is so smart..." Serah gushed lightly as Lightning shook her head gently as she closed her eyes as she chuckled at the statement.

' _ **Light... do you hear that?'**_

' _Not falling for it. I just want to enjoy the time with Serah._ '

' _ **Light, I'm not trying to fuck with you. I'm being dead serious... just open your eyes and look towards I think the door we came in.'**_

Groaning softly, Light opened her eyes before she suddenly wished she hadn't at the sight of them opening to reveal one of the people she dreaded to see.

Just the sight of that man was enough for Lightning's breaths to start coming in rapidly as she could almost feel the ground beneath her constantly start to fall away. She could see her sister trying to talk to her with a worried expression, but the words just weren't going in.

' _ **Light. Cover. Now. Under the table.'**_


	66. Chapter 66

Chapter 66:

Smiling at the sight of Fang getting comfortable, Vanille just enjoyed the fact that this had been like the greatest surprise of her day. Probably of the year if she was being honest. She got to spend time with one of the greatest people in her eyes.

"So that is the mysterious sister. You know a lot about people in here. What is she like? Serah just wouldn't stop talking about her during the down time." Fang asked calmly as she spared a glance over her shoulder to see the older sister calmly trying to nudge Serah towards the seats. Something that she had to admit that she would had to do a few times while she was in Oerba. "More importantly... why is she here? Serah just kept saying she survived the Purge. And she was there from the start."

Frowning softly, Vanille leaned over to just look at the sisters seeming happy together. Moving back to face Fang, she felt like she could at least tell the truth to her. "She didn't just survive it. From what she has told me, from what the doctors have told me that they can... her and Serah were caught in Bodhum, were about to be executed as was the thing... but their father saved Serah because something stupid like their father hated Lightning and wanted her to die because she was a girl... which lead to all kinds of nasty things happening to Lightning in a five year period because Dysley wanted to get a lot of money for Lightning... which lead to her hearing a voice and surviving purely on instinct." Vanille said softly as she leaned over slightly just smiling at the sight of the canine climbing up onto her lap. "But Lightning is super nice. She even reads to me... and is probably the only reason I haven't tried to break out or been punished in like forever. Even still taking the stupid brain messing pills the quacks always wanted me to."

"Then she is good people." Fang said as she looked over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow. "Does she always crawl under the table?" Fang asked as she turned back to see a pale looking Vanille.

"Fang... go tell an orderly we need Sazh and Yuna or Rosa... doesn't matter which one." Vanille said standing up leaving Fang a bit confused. Reaching up to catch her arm, Vanille just sighed internally. "Light is kind of prone to breaking down... and when it happens... bad things can happen. And most orderlies are terrified of her. You know how strong instincts can be Fang. And I've seen the chaos she can leave in her wake... so please. I'm just going to try and talk to her because I've actually been able to talk her back a few times."

"Van, you can't help everyone." Fang scolded gently as Vanille took a deep breath pulling her arm free of Fang's.

"I can help Lightning though." Vanille said as she looked into her friend's emerald eyes. "She has helped me and my friends here through some dark times Fang... and more often than not, most people don't even want to get close to her fearing what you fear. So just go get an orderly to get Sazh and Yuna. Tell the orderly to tell them that Lightning is having a breakdown."

Not even waiting for Fang's response, Vanille started to walk towards the slightly panicking teen and even more so panicking animal lightly biting and pulling on Lightning's leg as though it was just trying to get her attention.

Frowning a little as she came to a stop by the table frowning as she could hear Lightning muttering to herself as she could see the woman who she knew now as Serah quickly looking towards her with worry but a determined demeanour took over her features.

"Vanille. I'm sure you mean well. Just step back." Serah snapped as Vanille rolled her eyes as she gently moved the extended arm out of the way. Vanille just frowned internally at the sight of some tears starting to spring forth.

Gently rolling her eyes, Vanille lightly grabbed the scruff of the dog's neck. Gently taking the leash off the animal. Before handing it to the shocked hands of Serah. Looking up, Vanille just smiled at the sight of Fang talking with Kramer. It made her feel a lot better as she could see the man quickly walking out of the room.

Looking back towards Lightning, Vanille just smiled faintly as she gently reached out. Wincing a little at the sight of Lightning trying to cower away a little further. "Light... it is me... Vanille." Vanille said softly as she reached out again feeling great joy as Lightning didn't instantly bat her hand away. "I'm just going to get under with you... okay?"

Smiling brighter at the fact that Lightning hadn't seemed to move further away. Vanille gently cupped Lightning's face as she breathed gently. "Light... it is going to be okay. Rosa or Yuna should be coming down... just try and stay with me and your sister. Until then." Vanille said calmly as she could see Lightning taking some shaky breaths. A sight that Vanille hadn't seen in a long time.

It was a sight that to Vanille it meant that Lightning was trying, but something just seemed to be stopping her in her tracks. It almost felt like it broke her heart. Almost as much as hearing Lightning's feeble voice. Her hands sliding up into her hair before they started to take large fistfuls of hair as though her world was starting to fade.

For the first time in a while, Vanille was feeling a bit helpless, but she just had to try her hardest to help. If she could at least help Lightning patch up whatever was starting to break in her mind. It had to have been something big because given everything that Vanille had seen, the only things that broke Lightning down like this was a reminder of her past.

Just the fact that she knew something tore those memories back up had hurt Vanille, but she knew that she could at least make this a little bit better for Lightning and possibly even Serah. But to Vanille all that really mattered was Lightning. As far as she knew Serah would be fine about this ultimately.

"It can't be real... he is dead..." Lightning muttered softly as she began to rock herself in a near catatonic state.

Just that simple thing Vanille knew meant loads as Lightning just began to look further and further like a scared child. Something that had always boggled her mind, but knew that if she had seen some of the terrors in Lightning's past, she wouldn't have failed her attempt at suicide. She would have made sure it succeeded.

"Whoever 'he' is, is dead. Light... you are with Serah and Me." Vanille began as she stared into the troubled eyes that quickly started to scan the room from her position. As if trying to find whatever it was that caused the memories to come back to the forefront of her mind. "See? We aren't going to let something bad happen to you." Vanille continued softly as she could hear some rushed steps.

Smiling internally at the sight of Yuna's head quickly looking under the table to see them before she sighed softly. "Vanille, can you get her out?" Yuna asked as Vanille just stayed focus on Lightning.

"See Light... Yuna is here now... we should get up now." Vanille said as Lightning quickly broke the contact of the hands to quickly look around. The slight shiver that was clear from Lightning starting to break down again before she gently grabbed hold of Vanille's hand. Just as though it was going to be enough to calm her down.

Quickly pulling Vanille closer, Lightning just took a deep breath as she leaned up to Vanille's ear. "Make sure Cid isn't there..." Lightning whispered as Vanille shivered gently as she just nodded.

Feeling Lightning letting go of her hand, Vanille stuck her head out between the table and bench and gave a worried but quick look around. She could see an almost exasperated Rosa and Yuna looking at her with Sazh just behind them.

None of that really compared to the sight of just tears spilling gently from Serah's eyes as she clutched the clearly worried animal tightly to her face as though it would obscure her feelings. "Light... it is all clear." Vanille began giving her hand still in Lightning's a gentle squeeze. "Cid isn't here." As the name left Vanille's mouth she could see everyone seemingly understanding what had happened. However the sight of clear worry amplified in Serah's features.

Feeling the rough but gentle hand leave her's, Vanille just smiled at the sight of Lightning climbing out carefully. Like she was a terrified mouse leaving its den when it knows a predator was around. As she came to a worried stand still, wrapping her arms around herself as she began to try and try and shrink herself down further into as small a person as possible.

Smiling brighter as she could see Serah quickly hugging her sister with one arm as the other gently held the animal whose legs had started to dig into the air as though it was trying its hardest to jump into Lightning's waiting body. The sight however of Lightning tensing up further as Yuna took a deep breath.

"Serah... I know you want to... but it is best if you let go right now." Yuna said softly as she could see the pink haired teen pulling back with some more tears in her eyes as she simply raised the animal up to cover more of her face. She was left more and more confused by what had happened. Turning towards Rosa, Vanille began to smile as she climbed out from under the bench. "I'll let you go with Lightning Rosa. I'll stay here." Yuna said softly as Rosa just met her eyes.

"Lightning is more open with you. So you go. I'll deal with the stuff own here." Rosa countered as Yuna just nodded her head gently as she turned towards Lightning, gently holding onto her arms as she started to lead Lightning out of the room.

Stopping for a minute at the door, Yuna just whispered something softly to Lightning before she turned around meeting Serah's eyes. Quickly walking towards her, Yuna gently accepted the feisty animal before she returned next to Lightning to continue walking out of the room.

Before Vanille could even walk back over towards Fang, Lightning's sister had dived into giving Vanille a bone crushing hug causing her to laugh a little as she returned the gesture if a much gentler one.

"You certainly look a lot like Light... but you are a lot more affectionate than her." Vanille laughed softly out as she looked at the near exhausted look on Rosa's face.

"Vanille. No dessert tonight. You endangered yourself." Rosa said earning a gentle eyeroll from Vanille as Serah began to pull back to glare at the head doctor.

"Serah relax. I knew something like that would happen." Vanille said lightly as she could feel Serah squeezing her tighter. "I'm sure Rosa wants to talk to you... and can probably answer whatever questions you have a lot easier." Vanille continued as she could see the tear filled cerulean eyes start to almost forcefully dry up. At least compared to what they had been.

"Vanille. Don't go far. I need to talk with you in more detail after visitation." Rosa stated as she Vanille nodded her head gently as she began to extract herself from the death grip puzzle that was wrapped around her. Frowning a little at the fact that Serah somehow looked further and further terrified as Rosa began to lead her towards the bench.

The only question she could hear Serah feebly ask, was a painful 'am I a bad sister?'. Something that by no rights she could think of. Especially given how much Lightning cared for her.

Taking a deep breath, Vanille walked back over towards Fang who had a slightly worried look on her face. She was at least a little glad that things had seemed to be okay. "Is that a frequent thing? You know her breaking down."

"Not in recent times. Most of the time Light can keep things together; she did so for years on the outside, just when something brings up her past abruptly it does happen. And when it is a bad one... she can be dangerous to a lot of people... and then when she is back to being herself... she is even more of a danger to herself if she knows she harmed anyone." Vanille began softly just so Serah wouldn't hear her. Because if she was this torn up and questioning herself from seeing Lightning breaking down that far. "I mean the one time she accidentally broke someone's arm because she dreamt she was being violently raped when she was like six... her room looked like someone had skinned a Long Gui. All of which was her own blood as she tried to destroy her hands."

Gulping softly, Fang looked towards the worried teen holding onto the doctor that Fang knew was just trying to help her. The timid girl that was known amongst the group as being a person that got mad when someone stood on a flower.

"Are you sure they are sisters? They are so different... I don't think Serah could ever even wish someone to have a running nose." Fang asked softly as Vanille just sighed softly as she shrugged her shoulders.

"And Lightning isn't overly fond of people being around her let alone touching her. From what Lightning has told me... their family history is kind of wonky. Again apparently their father hated Lightning just because she was born first and was born a girl. Something about them being from some super old family." Vanille said softly as Fang just shook her head gently before placing her hand atop Vanille's head.

"Their family created some of the largest cities in Gran Pulse Van. Something I didn't even know before Serah told me. Their family is super weird though from the like three conversations I've had with their parents. Even though hating a first born because it was born a chick doesn't make sense to me."

"What I keep saying to her... but apparently it is just normal for her family... and then removing the part of the brain that makes a person a person. And really recently. Worst part is I asked Yuna a few days later about it being a real thing and she said it was, just most places now days don't use it unless they have to."

Raising an eyebrow as Fang looked at Vanille carefully. "I didn't even know that could be done. I mean the hunters always taught me to aim for the brain or heart... how can you remove a chunk of it?"

Nodding her head lightly, Vanille simply shrugged her shoulders. "It is just the very front of the brain. All it does is control the personality... not the heart beating or breathing. Yuna described it as you kill the person but they are still technically alive."

"That sounds horrible. Who would do something like that?" Fang asked as Vanille simply shrugged her shoulders.

"Apparently Light's family has done so in the past... but thankfully you agree with me... that just sounds awful."

"Yeah. That sounds like the worst possible thing ever. I'd take an angry chocobo any day of the weak if it meant I didn't even get close to that. Hell I'd take losing any limb over that."

"Thank you. Light just thinks I'm crazy for thinking that." Vanille said softly as she looked towards Serah who hadn't seemed to have been able to regain herself as she continued to cry as Rosa just gently rubbed her back. "I hope Serah pulls through..."

"She might. I haven't seen her this broken up though... closest I've seen was one egg being dead this season."

* * *

Lightly rubbing the small teen's back, Rosa just sighed softly as she could see the woman pulling back after a few minutes just rubbing her face with the back of her hand harshly. Something that Rosa knew was her just trying her hardest to stuff her feelings back in so she could get to the end of some questions she had.

"I'm such a bad sister." Serah said as Rosa shook her head gently.

"You aren't. Your sister holds you in high regard. This is just from a minor slip up on our part because we weren't aware of your coming today. This isn't the first time we've had an incident like this with a specific orderly." Rosa said softly as Serah began to look at her lap.

Gently grabbing the lower hem of her loose hanging top as she just raised it to dry her eyes the best she could. "But I couldn't even get her to look at me... she just swung at me like I was going to harm her." Serah said softly as Rosa just took a deep breath as she gently placed a hand onto Serah's back rubbing it in gentle circles.

"That isn't something you should be ashamed of Serah. Even though I'm one of her doctors, I've never really been able to talk her out of a situation like that. Not that there has been many. Thus far to my knowledge that would be the fifth time. And three of which were with that one orderly. Which since the second time we've found the reason to being around him that we've intentionally tried to keep them away from each other." Rosa said softly as Serah just seemed to take that moment to feel so much worse about the situation. "Regardless, your sister will be fine in a few hours."

"Can I see her again then?" Serah asked softly as Rosa took a deep breath to figure out how she should probably phrase the next part.

"Not today unfortunately. There is no telling how long your sister will be with Yuna. And it is important that Yuna does get her to talk. Something knowing your sister, she wouldn't do if she was in a room with more than one person being present." Rosa said softly as she could see Serah looking at her lap again. "If you can, try tomorrow. By then Lightning should be in the clear."

Nodding her head gently, Serah took a deep breath as felt in the pit of her stomach actually starting to feel more natural then it had been since Lightning had practically jumped under the table. "Okay... I'll be here."


	67. Chapter 67

Chapter 67:

Happy when she could see the dog that had been in her arms just sitting with a worried look on his features as Yuna just lead his current owner towards the seat that she had always taken with clear view of the door.

As Lightning took a seat, Yuna just smiled faintly as she could see Lightning taking long and deep breaths as if it was going to calm whatever it was that she was feeling at this minute. Not that it was really a bad thing in Yuna's mind. If anything it was the complete opposite. She was glad that Lightning was at least able to remember that much about if she was starting to have a mild panic attack.

"Light. We are in my office now." Yuna said as she could see a gentle nod as Lightning started to pull her legs up to her chest. A gesture that just left Yuna feeling unsure about everything. She wasn't sure how but she just knew that she had to try and coax Lightning out at least enough to talk.

She wasn't sure how she was going to manage that near herculean feat. But that didn't mean she could exactly ignore the situation she was in. Even if she knew it would be the easiest thing to just let Lightning go back to her room. That was just something that wouldn't cut it at this moment in time.

"Do you want anything to help you calm down?" Yuna asked softly as she knelt down lightly scratching the top of the animal's head with one hand as the other lightly rested on top of one of Lightning's arms that had coiled themselves around her legs.

' _ **Light, we are safe. We are perfectly safe here. We can see the door. Just try and relax.'**_

Rocking gently backwards before being met with the back of the chair, Lightning felt her breath come in sharp as she gently moved forward again. Sparing a single glance behind her to see her made up attacker.

' _ **Light, everything is perfectly fine. That red head is good for something. And now we are in a room that is locked with the puppy and the shrink. We can relax from our freak out. Just continue to take some deep breaths.'**_

Taking a shaky breath Lightning looked into the heterochromatic eyes causing her to shiver gently once again. She hoped that Yuna understood enough to know that it wasn't from fear. Or at least not from fear of her.

"Light... can you give me a sign here?"

' _ **Light, answer her question. Do you want anything to help us calm down.'**_

"No..." Lightning mumbled softly as Yuna raised an eyebrow at her. "I don't want anything." Lightning whispered out as she looked back towards the door. As if she was simply trying to make sure her nightmares that are taking physical forms aren't going to walk in out of nowhere again.

Lightning was left feeling unsure if this was from her medication or just her mind breaking a little bit more from some part she didn't even realise she had in her mind. Anything was better than that. She didn't care what else she had to take as long as that part was gone.

Just to constantly be reminded of what she could remember of what Cid did to her. The constant feeling of being at death's door, the wanting just for them to get pushed a little further so they would just finish her off.

"The meds are screwing with me." Lightning said after a few minutes of pure silence that befell the room. She didn't know why but just the sight of Yuna's face seemed to tell her something was up and it wasn't from her medication.

"It isn't your medication Light." Yuna said lightly giving Lightning's arm a squeeze. "But it also isn't Cid. There is just an orderly who is unfortunate enough to look like him. Normally we do try and keep you two far apart." Yuna said softly as she could see Lightning being taken aback by Yuna's comment.

' _ **Told you it couldn't have been Cid. That guy is as dead as they come.'**_

"SHUT UP!" Lightning yelled as she slid the arm Yuna was holding free just to grab the back of her head. "WHY WOULDN'T YOU TELL ME YUNA!" Lightning yelled as she began to ball her hand up into her hair.

Taking a step back as she stood up Yuna looked into the worried eyes. "Because he isn't Cid Light. That is the most important thing. He just got unlucky genetically." Yuna said softly as she took a deep breath. Just because it was something important she was trying to get through. Yuna could see some growing fear in Lightning's eyes. "And again, we do try and keep you both as far apart as possible."

"He looks just like him..." Lightning nearly sobbed out as she began to shiver slightly from trying to keep the tears back. "He even sounds just like him..." Lightning gasped out gently as she could feel so much fear wanting to crawl back. "He even walks like him." Lightning continued as Yuna took a deep breath and gently grabbed onto Lightning's extended arm.

"But he isn't Cid. That is what I'm trying to tell you. He never harmed you. He even wants to try and help you but everyone was in agreement that it isn't best for you right now."

Shaking her head Lightning just pulled her legs tighter to her chest. "No... he is Cid... I know it."

Taking a deep breath Yuna tried to look into her eyes again, for any sort of comfort, "Light, he has been working here longer than I've been. And I've been working here for nearly two decades. There is no way he is Cid." Yuna continued as Lightning started to shake her head once again. As if she was trying her hardest to just push everything further and further from her when it comes to facts.

Knowing that this was probably the best reaction they could hope for. But at the same time she knew that there wasn't going to be anything they could really do that would get a better reaction from Lightning. Short of bringing the man who caused the reaction back into the same room as Lightning. The only problem in Yuna's mind was that if Lightning wasn't ready to talk to him, it would be closer to torture then it would be helping.

So for now, they were going to be left picking up the pieces from the situation they were in. The only thing that would really make this a lot easier was if Lightning hadn't made some noticeable progress. She knew then at least they could sedate her and give her time to think about the entire situation, or even continue to play dumb.

But now their hands were figuratively tied and they couldn't do anything that would make this any easier besides just hoping blindly that Lightning could pull through and understand most of what they were trying to do.

"It's him... It has to be him." Lightning seethed softly as she took a deep breath again. She just wasn't sure how she was meant to prove that one fact. She knew that man had to be Cid.

"Light, his name is Kramer. I promise you. He isn't Cid." Yuna said softly as she began to stand up from her spot to gently stretch her tense legs before she could see that Lightning clenched her eyes tightly. "Light, I would never intentionally harm you like this. If it was really Cid, I would be fighting for his firing and to be hung again. It would be for a lot more than your safety. I mean he harmed you deeply, but imagine what he would do to others like Palom or Porom."

' _ **Shrink has a point Light. If it really was Cid, he wouldn't have waited this long. And he would intentionally harm the likes of those munchkins and Vanille. Just to break you down once more. It is the one thing he hasn't done to you that would probably work.'**_

Shaking her head almost painfully as Lightning began to rock all over again. Hoping that she could possibly find some comfort. "It is him. I know it is. He is going to hurt me all over again." Lightning sobbed out gently as she she began to smack her head against her knees. Frowning a little as she felt a hand catching her head. "Don't let him hurt me..."

"I won't let anyone hurt you Light." Yuna said softly as Lightning began to shake her head trying to get her head free from the hold the doctor had on it.

It was the only thing that made sense to her. Cid was going to hurt her, and the only way he couldn't was if she was able to harm herself enough first. Then she would be free of that torture. It was how it always was in the past. If she was harmed then she'd be left to heal. It was the only thing she could really do.

"Light. Don't hurt yourself." Yuna said as she tried to fight the near bucking woman trying to seemingly just bash her head into something as though she just wanted to cause some brain damage for herself. Thus far all Yuna could tell was that Lightning could really harm herself from the few blows that she had blocked.

"It's Cid." Lightning sobbed gently as the blows she was trying to deliver started to die down as Yuna just breathed gently. "I'm only safe when healing." Lightning continued to sob gently for no one that Yuna could tell but for herself. Just the sound of that was enough to cut Yuna deeply as she realise that must be why Lightning did what she did for a number of things.

' _ **Light, don't. You are healing already. Mentally.'**_

"No... they don't believe you're real." Lightning said as she clenched her eyes tightly as Yuna slide her hands free from being pinned beneath the teen's knees and head. Taking a step back, Yuna was left feeling unsure about what she should do. She was just glad that Lightning was no longer harming herself.

For once she was glad that a theory she had about Lightning was seemingly correct and that the voice was trying to talk Lightning down and protect her from the most dangerous person to her. Herself.

Seeing Light fall onto her side of the couch as she began to cry softly into her knees, Yuna took a deep unsure breath as she looked at the dog's face who had the same worried expression on his face the entire time.

"I'm sorry Vivi..." Yuna said softly to the animal just so she didn't feel like she was talking to no one. "This is what you'll need to stop when you are a bit older." Yuna said stopping the animal from placing a paw up onto the edge of the couch. "Not now... we need some bigger help right now."

Carefully walking out of the circle of seats, Yuna carefully picked up her phone and quickly dialled the one number that she felt like could help. Even if she knew that it might lead them down a path there might be no proper recovery for Lightning.

' _ **Light. We are going to be fine. I know how much he seems like Cid... but the shrink hasn't been wrong yet, and hasn't lied maliciously to us. So we can trust her when she says it isn't him and one guy just lost the genetic lottery big time.'**_

"Rosa? Thank god you are back in your office... I had to tell Lightning partially about Kramer. There was no other choice." Yuna began as she walked to what she knew was stretching the phone cord, but she still had to make sure her leaving Light wasn't premature. "I just barely could stop her from attempting to dash her brains out with her knees. But she seems to just be crying right now. It doesn't seem anything is getting through to her."

" _Did you mention that he is Cid's twin?_ " Rosa's voice came over as Yuna sighed softly but with clear agitation that Rosa seemingly picked up on. " _How bad is she right now?_ "

"I'm actually in fear right now while on the phone to you."

Hearing a gentle sigh on the other end. " _Okay. I'm going to call Sazh, we are going to sedate her with melatonin, and just try and keep her out for a few hours... see if that can calm her down enough to where we can actually talk._ "

"Okay... I'll try and keep Vivi contained so there isn't the threat of him." Yuna said as she quickly covered the distance to place the phone back down on the receiver. Sighing softly, Yuna hoped this was going to go by easier then she knew it could or even has in the past the one time they tried sedation with something that would work a lot faster.

Gently picking up Vivi, Yuna sighed softly as she could see some confusion in the animal's eyes. "You'll just need to trust me Vivi." Yuna said as she began to look around for a place she could keep the animal. Yuna said softly as she placed Vivi below her desk as she began to block him in. "Trust me Vivi... it is best for everyone. If you just behave I'll give you the biggest treat you can ever imagine." Yuna continued as she could hear a knock on her door.

' _Please. Just let everything go smoothly._ ' Yuna thought as she walked towards the door, sparing a few minutes to look at Lightning who had her eyes tightly closed as she had started to seemingly have another mental breakdown. As she opened the door Yuna just smiled at the sight of a group of orderlies. "Try not to physically harm her. And only subdue her fully as a last resort. I'm sure Sazh can explain how this can go from good to bad really quick if she thinks she is backed into a corner with attackers around."

* * *

_Standing in the grey landscape, Lightning took a deep breath as she shivered quickly looking around, her purely trying her hardest to try and find out anything that would explain why she was here._

_The last thing she knew was she was in Yuna's office. Having a near panic attack but, she was now here._ _**"Light... relax. To stop you from braining yourself against yourself. They had to inject you with melatonin."** _

_Lightning heard ringing out causing her to frown a little as she looked over to an orange glow. Carefully trudging the new path, Lightning couldn't help but take a shaky breath as she came to a stop by a campfire slowly burning with the same embodiment she had for the voice since this entire thing had happened._

" _ **Just have a seat Light. I'm not going to try and screw with you. If I was I wouldn't need to be here. You only bring me here when you want to talk about something. So let's talk."**_

" _Why would I want to talk to you here!? Cid is out there!"_

" _ **He isn't though Light. I mean if he was, he wouldn't be waiting this long. We both know that. He would have gone out of his way to make you wish for death. He'd never wait this long. I mean we've been here for three months. We must have seen him three times. And he must have known about us being here."**_

" _Then who the fuck is it we've seen! Or are you just going to tell me I'm crazy!" Lightning said storming in front of the voice's temporary corporeal form._

" _ **You are crazy for one. You are having a full blown conversation with yourself and not only that but you even gave me a name at one point that you forgot about for some reason. But two and the more important thing, I told you already. Someone else lost the genetic lottery. I mean do you think you are the only person for that to be the case?"**_

" _What the hell do you mean!?" Lightning yelled as the voice just shook her head and lightly gestured to sit down. "I'm not going to sit until you explain yourself!"_

_Sighing softly the voice just shook her head once more._ _**"Light, we both know while there are some things you are glad for, like the multiple languages, and being super smart... but you loathe the fact you were born a Farron. You loathe the fact that because of who your family is you wouldn** _ _**'t** _ _**have been put out of your misery."** _ _The voice began as she gestured to a spot next to her._ _**"But besides all that... genetically to our collective knowledge we are perfectly fine. Some people aren't as lucky."** _

_Plopping down in a spot next to the voice, Lightning took a deep breath as she started to look into the fire that she suppose was giving her some warmth. "So I'm expected to believe that someone is beyond unlucky enough that he not only look the exact same, but he walks, talks and sounds identical? That all sounds like total bullshit you'd use just to get a reaction out of me."_

" _ **I keep telling you Light. I've never outright lied to you. And I certainly never want you hurt. I guess your sister and I have that in common. Maybe that is why you make me look like her."**_ _The voice said as she quickly stood up to quickly dust the ash and sand off her dress as she took a deep breath._ _ **"Regardless, I'm going to be going for now. Stay as long as you want. I wouldn't suggest going backwards though. Not that I can really stop you. But you've seen everything there. You can only go in circles so many times. Try a new path. You never know what might be on it. Maybe a way to shut me up like you want. Might even be able to find what controls me... or you might be able to cheer up your mind because all this grey and wasteland is kind of boring."**_

" _Whatever."_


	68. Chapter 68

Chapter 68:

Jolting up, Lightning winced loudly as she felt her hands being held stationary to the side of something. Wincing as she could feel a small pin prick like object twisting around in her arm. Taking a deep breath, Lightning opened her eyes causing her to frown at the clear liquid.

The worst part that she could tell were the white cuffs keeping her hands secured to the bed. She wasn't sure what was the reason... but she didn't even know why it ultimately mattered. She just wanted to get up off the bed.

' _ **So how crazy can I make you today Light? On a scale of one to infinity? My money is on a solid but fun sixty nine.'**_

Sighing softly Lightning took a deep breath as she closed her eyes just groaning a little as she could hear some footsteps followed by a chair moving. Soon followed by the sound of someone sitting down.

"She should be up any minute now Serah. I'm just going to be in the other room, so when she is please just come get me and we can hopefully take off the restraints." Rosa's voice rung through as Lightning sighed internally as she opened her eyes.

"I'm actually awake now." Lightning said as she winced a little at Serah quickly diving to hug her tightly in a near bone crushing way. Just causing a simple sigh coming from Lightning. As she winced a little from the feeling of the needle in her arm twisting a little. "Serah... my arm..." Lightning winced out as she could see her sister quickly pulling back to quickly look at her with minor worry.

"I need to get in anyways." Rosa said in a commanding tone that shocked Serah. Not because she hadn't heard a commanding tone before, but because she hadn't heard one used towards her like that before. At least not in a sense over something less than life or death. Ignoring the look from the youngest Farron, Rosa stepped up to one of the restraints as she continued. "Don't remove the IV. It is really just a glucose drip because your blood sugar last night took a massive nose dive. What do you remember last?" Rosa asked as she gently held onto Lightning's hand with one of her's as the other held the padded leather strap just in case she had to cinch it tight again at a minute's notice.

' _ **Tell her the truth. We broke down, you weren't listening to Yuna about the one orderly, and we got held down and got an injection in the butt that knocked us out. Or you can lie and say we remember a marching band coming through the room and the pupper being all adorable leading it while singing the masochism tango.'**_

"I was having a bad breaking down... what Yuna was saying I wasn't listening to because everything about him screams that it is Cid. The way he walks, talks, even breaths like Cid... excluding the fact he looks like him I can't shake the fact that it is him. And then I was held down as someone injected me with something." Lightning said as Rosa let go of the hand as she smiled at the woman sliding her hand free from the cuff. "What is with the cuffs?" Lightning asked calmly as Rosa leaned over and quickly undid the other one.

"You were tossing and turning. It was a lot easier then having to replace an IV every couple of minutes." Rosa said calmly as Lightning just took a deep breath as she began to crack her joints a bit mad at how stiff they had seemed but she didn't even know how long she was truly out. But she was just glad that her sister was there. "Vivi by the way is in a cage in the nurses' office here. I can bring him out if you want but he can't get up on the bed... he injured himself last night while you were being subdued. There is nothing majorly wrong, but he sprained his jaw and one of his front paws trying to get to you." Rosa stated calmly as Lightning just smiled faintly.

Lightning wasn't sure how she had forgotten about the small guy. But she couldn't really bring herself to want to divide her attention between her clearly worried sister and animal Lightning knew that she would see tonight. She didn't know when she would get the next chance to see anything of her sister. Especially given the fact clearly this was the second day which might have thrown off their father's schedule. Something that Lightning just knew was going to be something that he took out on her.

"If it is okay I'll see him after the visit with Serah then... as long as he is okay." Lightning said softly as Rosa just smiled faintly at her. Feeling at ease with that decision given everything that had transpired in the reports she had to read. Frankly she was just happy that it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. Especially with how no one was ever really sure with how Lightning would react to anything.

"Okay. If the bag runs dry, do not take the needle out, just get Serah to come notify me. I'll come back in about an hour just to make sure everything is fine." Rosa said calmly as Lightning took a deep breath. "Also as I was telling Serah, there is no time limit per say. Just a guideline."

"Thank you Rosa." Lightning said softly as she began to sit up properly. A smile as she could see Serah from the corner of her eyes just becoming excited. Smiling softly as she could see Rosa walking off, Lightning just winced at the feeling of Serah quickly wrapping her in another far more gentle hug.

Returning the gesture, Lightning just smiled at the fact that they could actually have a proper talk. Even if it was a surprise one again. She was just happy about Serah being with her.

"I'm so glad that you are okay." Serah said softly into her sister's shoulder as she took a deep breath Just enjoying the fact that she felt this close to her. "Mom is even on her way because she was worried when I talked to her last night." Serah said pulling back as she quickly began to rub the tears that were close to spilling.

"Don't cry Serah." Lightning said softly as she lightly patted her sister's back.

"How can I not?" Serah asked, just hoping her anger wasn't obvious to her sister. Even though it didn't really matter all that much. "I've never seen you like that Claire. Even when you were at your worse at home... you never became like that. Even at the execution you demanded to watch... you never got like that..." Serah said as Lightning gently separated herself from the younger Farron.

"You wouldn't understand Serah." Lightning said softly as she began to carefully pull her legs up to her chest.

"Don't just tell me that!" Serah snapped at her sister's blasé attitude towards this. "I'm not a little girl Claire. I'm worried about you. Even if you are here. And despite how much people have assured me that this is the best place on Gran Pulse and Cocoon." Serah continued just glad that the head doctor hadn't come in to investigate what was being argued about. "I've researched so much to try and help you since Yuna came that day... about the Purge and everything that could have caused you to snap like you did." Came Serah's feeble continuation of her point. She wasn't sure why she could go from such a calm and relaxed tone to such a broken one.

The only thing that really made sense to her was the fact that it was the one person Serah had constantly looked up towards. Someone who despite everything had always been together enough to still be a strong and semi functioning member of the family.

"You don't get it Serah. Those books... do nothing." Lightning said softly as she squeezed her legs tighter to her chest. "What those people got was lucky."

"They died Claire... you lived." Serah pleaded as Lightning just squeezed her legs tighter.

"See you don't get it." Lightning said as she took a deep breath as she could see her sister resting her arm on top of her's. "From the few memories I have which everyone is positive is from my mind shutting the rest out... death would have been a kindness. Especially from Cid." Lightning said softly as Serah was left confused and she was sure it was showing. "He broke just about every bone I have... he once or twice even connected the dog cage I was in to an electric current. Just so I would be in pain and agony for a few hours while he slept." Lightning continued as she gently laid down on her side as she felt her sister climb onto the bed to quickly hug her as tightly as she could.

Serah knew that this probably wasn't going to be the reaction Rosa had wanted from her or Lightning. But that wasn't going to stop Serah any. Nor would Lightning stop her. She had to make sure she was alright.

"Claire... none of that matters. Cid is long dead and you are safe now." Serah said as Lightning gently nudged the arms off of her as she began to gently move to the edge of the bed. "What is it?"

' _ **Yeah she doesn't get it... I miss our girlfriend. She at least gets it.**_

"You don't get it." Lightning whispered softly as she shivered Lightly at the fact that Serah clearly didn't understand it and was just doing what everyone said before Lightning got here.

"Because you aren't explaining it to me Claire. I want to help you. All you've done is say a dead man has done bad things to you. Something I already knew." Serah demanded as Lightning continued to inch closer to the edge of the bed. Quickly jumping down, Serah held a hand up to try and stop her sister who quickly rolled onto her other side. "Claire... I want to help."

' _ **Yup. Clearly doesn't get it. This is why we should have listened to me all that time ago and just not have told her anything and possibly get a lobotomy. Then we'd be rid of each other, and she would be able to care for us all she wants.'**_

"Shut up." Lightning mumbled softly as she took a deep breath. "And you still aren't getting it Serah." Lightning continued softly as she took a deep breath. Just hoping that she could get through this. But that wasn't going to really stop her "I know he is dead. I know Jihl is dead. I know Dysley is dead. But the sight of that man... hearing his voice... just knowing he exists in the same room as me. I can't help but feel like I'm a little girl again." Lightning said softly as she took a shaky breath in before she closed her eyes. "All logic leaves me... and I just need to get away from him. I can't go back into the cage." Lightning sobbed gently as she began to move closer and closer to the edge away from her sister.

' _ **Light, come on. I don't think you should tell the redhead with a nice butt this kind of thing but she is at least far more qualified to talk about crazy then your baby sister. Who for the record still doesn't even know a half of what Cid has put us through. At least half what you remember.'**_

"I don't want her to know about the rest." Lightning whispered softly as she just knew that Serah was going to hear. But that didn't mean she could tell her more. Lightning didn't even really want to tell Serah that much it just slipped out. All she could do was make sure her sister didn't know about how far dark it gets.

"Light... I just want to help you. You just seem so much more fragile compared to before you left. Although you have cut down on the destroying your body it seems." Serah said sheepishly as she slumped into the chair she had taken as she looked at her sister who had drifted into a shell of her former self. Something that pained Serah greatly just because she had to look at her sister when she was like that.

"Breaking down and having a panic attack like Lightning did isn't something you can use logic for." A voice came causing Serah to jump as she looked towards the brunette doctor that had talked to Lightning at first. "All you've done really was remind your sister Serah of some bad times in her life." Yuna continued as she walked up to the other side, crouching down to look at Lightning who had just been staring through her. Something that she was at least a little glad for because it meant that she wasn't even really listening to the conversation as a whole. "If logic was a way to deal with it, Lightning... at least a part of her would prevent all of them."

Walking back towards the base of the bed, Yuna just smiled softly at the teen who had been in near tears from the statement. "From what I've seen Serah, and what she just told you, she is fully aware of their deaths. But when she sees something that reminds her... her mind just reverts back to that of when it was fresh. We figured she would have posttraumatic stress disorder, but what we've learned is it runs a lot deeper then we previously thought. What you've seen was simply her in denial as she got lucky and avoided triggers for an episode. Something that when she does get out of here she'll need to do as well, but everyone in your family will know what causes them, and hopefully nothing will be as bad as what you experienced yesterday." Yuna said softly as she took hold of one of Serah's trembling hands.

"Why does it seem like she is just getting worse and worse though?" Serah asked softly as She could see her sister starting to relax the ball like form she had taken. Just the sight of which was something that made her feel a lot better.

"She isn't getting worse off. She is just opening up. I mean think back three months ago when you first came to me. Some of your first words to me were that your sister was shutting you out and you were worried. Do you think your sister would have told you anything specifically of what the likes of Cid did to her?" Yuna continued softly as she could see Serah looking into her lap. "Even if it wasn't the entire thing. You can't, I repeat can't force her to talk about this stuff. It needs to be on her terms if you want to help her." Yuna said in a gentle scolding manner from what she had witnessed knowing that if Rosa had caught her she wouldn't be this gentle in the reprimanding.

Taking a deep breath, Serah looked over once more to see Lightning had rolled back onto her side facing them with just a long off distant look in her eyes that caused her some minor worry. But she was at least glad that Lightning had eased up drastically from just the short talk Yuna was having with her.

"Trust me Serah, the best help you can give your sister is just trust her that if it gets bad she'll reach out to you, or your mother. And even if she may deny it or even fight it right now, she might even reach out to your father. The best thing you can do is just be ready and waiting for her, and then trust that Rosa and I know what we are doing. Even if it is something as simple as letting her have an animal for a while. There is a reason to everything we do. Even if it doesn't make sense to you." Yuna said lightly tapping Serah's hand. "Now I need to go talk to Rosa, but promise me you aren't going to force Lightning to talk to you."

"Okay... I promise."

' _ **Light... I know you want me to shut up. But listen to me, Serah isn't like us. Or more specifically you. You've spent years making sure those memories just thinking about them won't make you become a ball of emotion. Serah wouldn't be able to handle any of that. Not right now. Just let her process what you said before the shrink came by. Maybe next month you can add some more to what she does know... but not right now'**_

The way the voice had been talking to Lightning was enough to get her to just relax a little by what her sister had done, but just the fact she knew she had told Serah too much about what Cid did was enough to make her feel bad. She didn't want Serah to know about that time. She would rather it if she also didn't know about it, but she supposed at least it opened her eyes when it came to her father.

Seeing Yuna walk away though did make Lightning feel a little uneasy but she also knew by the look on her sister's face that she wasn't going to try and pry like she had. Something that made Lightning just smile softly at the fact that she knew her sister might have finally figured it out..

"So I talked to Vanille yesterday... out of curiosity what is your favourite book because she thinks it is sad."

"Vanille thinks anything is sad when people are people towards each other. Even in a made up world. Like 'France' or 'Italy'." Lightning began as she took a deep breath as she looked towards her sister to address her properly. Just the sight of it made her remember why she was really here. It was to get better.


	69. Chapter 69

Chapter 69:

' _ **Okay... we dodged a bullet today. Someone thankfully got through to Serah and she didn't push harder.'**_

Grumbling softly Lightning took a breath as she simply began to lay back down on her side as she could hear some soft footsteps which normally would get her attention but Lightning just didn't have it in her right now. She had bigger questions she had that she knew would probably require her attention first.

"Hey Lightning." Yuna said in a sing song manner as she took the seat Serah had occupied. A curious look seemed to overtake her features as she looked at Lightning's expression. "I figured you would have been head over heels talking with your sister for nearly three hours." Yuna said in a soft manner as Lightning just took a deep breath.

' _ **The shrink does have a point Light. Normally we'd be super happy with that. Hell we'd be happy with talking with her for a couple of minutes.'**_

"I have the right to refuse any visitor right?" Lightning asked softly seeing the shocked expression of the doctor as she could hear a gasp coming from the voice itself. "Shut up." Lightning hissed as she could see Yuna shaking her head gently recovering from the comment seemingly.

"Light, I'm not sure your mother would exactly feel nice about you snubbing her. Even though it is your right to refuse visitations from anyone. Even without a reasoning... but before I'd tell your mother tomorrow that you don't want to see her... I'd at least would like one." Yuna said in a gentle demanding tone as Lightning just took a deep breath and pulled herself closer to herself. "It isn't your Mom you don't want to see is it?"

' _ **Shrink is as sharp as a foon... But I'd like to know as well the reasoning because I can't track that myself.'**_

"I just don't want to see Serah again this soon." Lightning said gently as she could see Yuna gently nodding as though she had understood the logic. Something that just made Lightning a little surprised but she also knew that it wasn't exactly a hard piece of logic to follow.

"Is it from the not understanding the trauma you went through and are still learning to process?" Yuna asked as if she was simply trying to remove the doubt she had from the statement. Something that Lightning could see some merit behind.

"Partially... but the voice is right..." Lightning said before her mind could catch up she could see Yuna leaning back carefully in her seat. "It said that Serah really is like a babe in the woods. She still thinks that the worst thing that can happen to someone is death... and I just know if I talk to her again so soon... I'll rob her of that outlook. Maybe in a month's time she'll be able to think about what we talked about today..." Lightning said softly as Yuna nodded her head as if she was following everything thus far. "And I know she just wants to help..."

"You know I wouldn't say anything about that Light. If you think that it will help you that I request Serah continues to stagnant her visits, I'll tell her that. I'll just call your mother and say not to come by tomorrow." Yuna said as Lightning just began to frown softly causing Yuna to be taken aback once again by the unspoken comment. "You want your mother to visit?" Yuna said before quickly recovering her senses as she remembered who she was dealing with. "I'm sorry Light. It is just in all our discussions you've always shown a small bit of contempt towards your mother. No where near the same regard as you do for your father."

Rolling her eyes a little Lightning began to push herself up as she took a deep breath as though she was trying to figure out what she was meant to say towards that. It was slightly confusing given everything but she did know Yuna still didn't fully understand their family dynamic. Hell she knew Vanille still didn't understand her family dynamic and it just constantly confused her.

' _ **I agree with the shrink... on all except we have contempt towards Father. That is kind of underselling our rightful hatred for him.'**_

"Shut up... let me talk and I can explain it." Lightning hissed to herself as Yuna seemed to have developed a further curiosity towards her. At least though from what she can tell it wasn't something overly aggressive. Seemingly happy with herself, Lightning took a deep breath as she looked back towards Yuna. "After the last few bouts of being forced to call back home... I've gotten a little bit closer with her and I don't want to ruin what we have going." Lightning said softly as Yuna began to gently nod her head in understanding.

' _ **I know when you aren't being completely honest Light. Is this really the time to be telling half truths and lies?'**_

"Fine. Just stop interrupting, shut up and let me speak." Lightning hissed again as she slumped onto her bed as she just looked at the doctor again. "The voice also wants me to mention how I slightly fear that if I don't let her visit after we've gotten slightly closer she might not be there for the next phone call forcing me to talk with my Father which would end badly... for everyone involved. Including anyone who wants to use the phones."

Tapping her lap gently, Yuna began to stand up as she dusted off her outfit as she just looked at the woman. "Well, okay then. I'd still need to call your mother. Do you want to get Vivi, get out of here and go back to your room?" Yuna asked as Lightning let a small gasp slip past. Just because she hadn't even thought about that really since she was awake. A place she normally would rather be, simply just hadn't a chance to enter her mind.

' _ **Today seems to be filled with firsts. You don't want to be with your little sister, you want to be with your mother, and being alone in your room with the pupper has slipped your mind entirely. All of which is weird, but I suppose we did take a pretty big scare yesterday.'**_

"Stop with the snide comments." Lightning said as she began to climb off the bed as she could see Yuna having understood that Lightning really did just want to go to her room. A smile that started to over take Lightning's features as Yuna smiled walking towards the nurses' area.

Hearing the metal scraping gently against itself, followed by the rushed sound of the animal quickly running out, Lightning just bent down and smiled as she could see the animal seemingly sprint towards her.

Gently catching him, Lightning just smiled as she rested her head onto the animal's as she smiled and began to pet him carefully. "I'm sorry I scared you boy." Lightning said softly as she could feel a tentative lick across the side of her face. "But you scared me as well... so let's promise to not scare each other like that again." Lightning said softly as she knew that the animal wasn't going to understand what she said. It was simply just something that was meant to make her feel better herself. "Let's go back to our room."

* * *

Frowning as she slumped into the seat, Vanille could see the slightly worried look on the twin's faces as they seemed to share the same idea that Vanille had. One that just caused her to simply shrug her shoulders answering their unasked questions.

Even though she knew that it wasn't going to really stop them from asking it. If anything it would just spur them on further to ask the questions they had been wanting to. The only thing that Vanille could think about that would stop them would be if she said how uncomfortable it would make her, but even then that would just have long term effects because they wouldn't feel bad for asking seemingly at every meal.

"Have you seriously heard nothing?" Porom asked as Vanille sighed softly knowing that it was like clockwork. To the point that if she knew how to, she could have set a watch to it.

"No. After she had breakdown while talking to her sister... possibly hallucinated... she was knocked out and brought to the medical wing and attached to what is essentially a sugar drip. And that her sister was brought into the medical wing to be with her today. That was it." Vanille said as she could see the twins frowning as they looked down at their food.

Joining them, Vanille just frowned as she continued to poke at the meal. She couldn't believe how mad she was that she didn't get the routine night time kiss and morning kiss. But she just ultimately hoped that Lightning was going to be okay.

"That is why the pills she is on sucks. Hallucinations aren't as fun as movies make them out to be."

"Who's hallucinating?" A voice broke the trio out of their stupor as an affirmative and demanding bark filled the group's air. As the heads snapped towards the owner as they could see the woman bending down to pick up the animal and resting him right next to her. Just between her and Vanille.

Looking between the group Lightning leaned back a little shocked at their expressions as she held up her hands to stop Vanille's and Porom's hugs pre-emptively. "If that is the newest rumour about me I can tell you for sure I haven't." Lightning said calmly as she could see Vanille looking at her with a disbelieving expression on her face.

"I was there Light. You thought you saw a dead person." Vanille countered knowing that just because Lightning had a habit of blacking out when it came to situations like that. And normally Vanille was meant to not mention it at all to her.

"I know. But it is complicated. Just I didn't hallucinate." Lightning said as she turned towards her dinner and just smiled at it. Just because it meant that she could really get to enjoy the act of eating instead of just barely getting by having sugar being supplied to her blood directly. "Which ultimately led to me being in the medical wing with Vivi who had injured himself." Lightning continued as she picked up the fork and began to pick up some of the vegetables before placing them into her mouth.

Elbowing her brother's ribs, knowing that he was going to ask a question as Vanille quickly snapped towards them before she looked towards Lightning. "Do you mind explaining? Complicated or not. Because most people don't break down like that, ask me to check for a dead person... and not be hallucinating." Vanille said, ignoring the feeling of Porom swinging her leg to kick her shin because to her, this really was something that was somewhat important. At least in the same regard as trying to find out an answer as to why Lightning had went from being pleasantly surprised to being a terrified child in such a short span of time. She didn't even get an answer from Serah as to what really started Lightning's sudden and rapid mental collapse.

"According to Yuna and Rosa there is an orderly that I've ran into a few times causing a breakdown because everything about him screams like he is Cid Raines. He looks like him... talks like him... walks like him... everything." Lightning said softly as she began to shake her head to just try and snap her attention away from that topic knowing that it might possibly end her back up into the same place she just got out from.

Exhaling softly, Lightning just looked towards Vanille who had a worried expression on her face. "Apparently he isn't him. But they couldn't get that through to me so they injected me with something and strapped me to the bed."

"Ah... what happened to Vivi though? He seems to be very sensitive right now with his paw placements." Vanille asked as she smiled at the sight of Vivi carefully climbing into Lightning's lap before he curled up and let out a small hum of approval. "And you don't seem to be as snippy around him when he climbed onto your lap."

"He sprained his paw and jaw yesterday trying to protect me and tear through whatever was blocking him. So he is getting a few days of being carried and mushy food." Lightning said softly as she could hear a happy and pleasant sound coming from the animal. As if he was pleased with the turn of events fate had for him.

Smiling gently Lightning reached down and began to scratch the top of the hound's head as she picked up some more of the vegetables up. She just knew that the day was going to at least be somewhat enjoyable. At least what remains of it. Even if it was just probably going to be some reading with Vanille.

"So we can't play with him?" Palom said deflating as Lightning just shook her head at the comment knowing how valuable that was to them. But Lightning just knew that then she would be putting the poor guy through pain she didn't need to.

"Not for a few days. Just let him heal. You can still pet him... just not play with him." Lightning added knowing from the expression on the twin's faces. But this wasn't something that she could compromise on. She had to make sure that the animal in her lap was safe and healed before she was to let them play with him.

Smiling softly as she looked towards Vanille who seemed to not have taken her gaze off of her. As if her curiosity was ever present. Lightning had to admit that she was feeling a little bit uncomfortable from it. If just because Vanille wasn't embarrassed that she was seemingly caught red handed with the staring.

"How was your time with your sister today? Or did you not come to till after she left? She was messed up yesterday and is a lot more touchy feely then you. Like a soft toy." Vanille said as she turned towards her meal.

Lightning couldn't believe how thankful she was for that because she knew that the way she sadly looked down at her meal would have been noticed by Vanille.

"It went... that is probably the best thing to take away from it." Lightning said softly feeling eyes on her from the trio as if they hadn't expected something like that causing Lightning to just frown. She wasn't sure if it was from what she said or how she said it, but what she did know was that they knew something was wrong. "It is complicated... but she wanted me to explain how I broke down by force... and I'm not going to go much further into that. But after that we ended up talking for a few hours about books and how I'm doing here. And how she is mad that she didn't get a chance to meet the twins so she can say she has met all of my and I'm quoting her here 'friends' because it is just a foreign concept to her."

' _ **In her defence Light... it is a foreign concept to us. I mean before we were here I could count the number of friends we have on one hand... with five fingers left over. Despite the amount of fans we had in the school for the various sporting teams we've been on... and a few admirers on the cheerleading teams. Maybe we could have scored some of them in the locker rooms. I bet we could have.'**_

"Shut up. I'm not in the mood for this right now. So just drop the joking and snide comments." Lightning hissed softly as the rest seemed to just be happy from the return to what they were used to as Lightning just shook her head once more.

' _ **Frankly, I've been a good person all day. I need to let my**_ _ **bitchiness**_ _ **out Light.'**_

The voice pleaded as Lightning just sighed softly as she took a deep breath before she turned back towards her meal and had a smile on her face at the fact that she knew that she was going to be able to just enjoy what remained of her meal.

At least then it wouldn't be that much of a hindrance to what was going to happen with her and Vanille. Especially with how she knew the twins might not show up that night. If anything it made her a little giddy just thinking about how she would be able to kiss Vanille and kiss her deeply. A tradition she had to admit that she was kind of sad that she hadn't a chance really since yesterday morning to do it.

' _ **Light... where do babies come from when the people are lesbians? We aren't overly strong on the ol' biology but as far as we know**_ _ **…**_ _ **there needs to be a penis somewhere in there... or sperm.'**_

Coughing at the question, Lightning could feel a minor dusting of red taking her features as she could see the see Vanille quickly looking towards her with a raised eyebrow as she could see it having caused some minor confusion.

"So who is that directed at? The voice saying something catching you off guard or you just not overly fond of Porom and Palom wanting to parade you to the Abbot the weekend because they know I will find a place to vanish to..." Vanille asked softly as she tried to look towards Lightning.

"Voice. I wasn't paying attention to the conversation at the table." Lightning said patting her chest a little to just figure out what had caused the voice to pose a question of that nature. "It was just trying to get a reaction though I think."

"Sounds right with what you've told us."


	70. Chapter 70

Chapter 70:

Shocked a little as Vanille quickly pushed her against her door. Lightning just smiled at the feeling of her lips being shoved against her own. Even the dominance with which the redhead had been attacking her lips. It was making Lightning feel a little giddy as Vanille pulled back to just stare softly into her eyes.

"I missed that so much..." Vanille said as she started to kiss along Lightning's jaw before she let out a gasp as the tables were quickly turned as Lightning had spun them around as she hoisted Vanille up. "I'm also liking this dominant side of yours." Vanille said as Lightning rested her head on the red head's shoulder.

"I can say the same thing about you..." Lightning said as she began to take almost possessive bites at Vanille's neck. "Makes me feel less like I'm taking advantage of you." Lightning said as she pulled back letting out a sharp gasp as she felt Vanille push her onto the bed. Laughing softly as they both fell down, Vanille just smiled as she could hear the pink haired teen let out a gasp.

"Hope that is proof enough of you couldn't take advantage of me if you tried." Vanille said with a giggle as she separated from Lightning. Reaching down to the hem of her shirt, Vanille quickly tossed it away as she just smiled at the shocked sight of Lightning beneath her. "And if you like me being dominant... I'll be dominant." Vanille said as she began to lower herself down to continue the near violent kissing.

' _ **Oh yes, because as we all know straight women get turned on by the sight of some of the greatest pairs of boobs we've ever seen... but instead of trying to ruin this moment, all I'll say is if you want to make her feel great, just take one of those perky nipples in your mouth and suck gently and lightly nibble.'**_

Groaning internally at the comment, Lightning couldn't help but wonder what it meant when Vanille broke the kiss. Her need for air winning out against her wanting to just feel the other woman's lips on her own. Something that Lightning just knew that she would need to teach Vanille about proper breath control so they could stay in that wondrous moment that much longer.

Deciding to just trust the voice as it hadn't intentionally stirred her wrong in a long long time, Lightning quickly captured one of the small buds atop the modest breasts. As she began to gently suck she smiled internally as she felt Vanille's hand quickly weaving its way into her hair as she let out a pleasured gasp as Lightning continued to follow the advice as she gently nipped at the nipple.

Pulling her head back, Lightning raised one hand to gently grope the neglected breast as she began to place the same possessive bites she had previously done to Vanille's neck which she could still see the teeth marks on.

Getting interrupted by the sound of a loud bark, Lightning pulled back and glared at the animal as she could see Vanille almost doubling it before she shook her head as if the miasma had finally lifted from her as she frowned.

"No Light... no matter how good it feels... he is right. Someone could walk by... and then we'd both be in super mega trouble." Vanille said as she regretfully climbed off of Lightning's lap as she quickly scurried towards her shirt as Lightning flopped down onto the bed as she took a deep breath.

' _ **You know Light... the fact the pupper is wrecking our game makes me really, really pissed... But you have to admit now that you are very clearly a lesbian...'**_

"Just shut up." Lightning said calmly as she smiled a little at the feeling of her bed dip as Vanille had jumped onto it to rest her head on Lightning's bosom. Her hand having taking a firm place on Lightning's abdomen just shocked still at the feeling of the near wall like feeling of it.

"Is it an annoying shut up? Or a bad type?" Vanille asked as she let her hand drift further up as if it had a mind of its own. It was making her a little curious as to where it planned on going, but she was just happy that Lightning hadn't stopped her.

Letting out a pleasured moan as Vanille's hand came to a stop on top of her breast, Lightning could feel the words dying in her throat as Vanille moved her head up to see what was the matter before it clicked for her.

Clearing her throat a little as Vanille's hand shot back down to Lightning's abs. "Its an annoyance one..." Lightning whispered softly out, unsure if she could even really trust her voice to not crack or the strange sound to leave her throat once again. "You can still touch my breasts Vanille. It felt good."

' _ **Says once again the clear lesbian in the closet. Because as we all know a woman who solely likes women who are friends to play with their boobs.'**_

Shaking her head lightly, Lightning just smiled as she could see Vanille blush lightly as she began to reach out before her hand snapped back towards her as Vanille jumped up off the bed. "No... that it going to lead to us making out again and possibly more which we can't do because the shrinks are going to find out regardless, or a nark is going to do what narks do... which will lead to a lot of trouble which includes the both of us losing our visitation rights... which will lead to me not taking it too well... and you and Fang both won't be happy with what I'd do then."

Hearing Vanille's panic starting to set in, Lightning practically lunged up to place her hands on the side of Vanille's head as she leaned in to plant a chaste kiss on her lips.

"Vanille... you need to relax. If you don't want to do it, we don't have to... how about we sit down on the floor and read a bit while you hold Vivi so you can calm down. He does wonders for that. I'll even read a happy story for you."

"A real happy story or one that you just claim is happy?" Vanille asked skeptically not wanting to fall into a trap of Lightning just claiming something is happy but to Vanille it was nothing but a sad sad story. Something that she knew if she had the same type of experience that Lightning had she would have a similar stance of if most people lived it would be happy.

"A real one. I promise nothing bad happens."

"Okay..."

* * *

Smiling softly as she picked up the phone on her desk, Yuna began to fold over the file she had to admit that it was shocking how quickly it was being filled up. But she was just happy that she didn't need to traverse further into the file then the first page at this moment.

Quickly mashing the number into the phone as she closed the folder and tossed it onto her desk, Yuna was just starting to wonder how the woman was going to react to the tidings that Yuna was bringing.

She knew that there might be some confusion just from the last time they met to Yuna's knowledge it was tense and she knew that before that the one interaction she had with the woman she seemed to be very timid when it came to Lightning.

" _Hello Mary Farron speaking._ " The voice came over as Yuna just smiled softly at it.

"Mary, this is Doctor Yuna... before you start to panic, I'm not calling with bad news. At least not inherently bad news. Lightning is fine. This is solely about Serah's visit today which is causing Lightning's stance on her visitation tomorrow." Yuna began as she could almost hear the woman taking a panicked breath. "To be clear before I continue Lightning has requested that you specifically visit tomorrow." Yuna said as she could hear a sigh coming from the other end of the phone.

" _Okay... um... what is the matter then?_ "

Frowning softly at the fact that she knew even if she wasn't sitting face to face with the woman, she could still hear the terror in her voice over what was the subject for the call. "I already explained this partially to Serah, much earlier. It largely boiled down to Lightning's slight mental breakdown. I'm not sure how much you were told, but it was down to Lightning swearing she noticed Cid Raines." As the name left Yuna's mouth she could hear a sharp gasp on the other end as Yuna knew what it was about as she just had to speak up once again. "It wasn't a hallucination. It was from an orderly who looks similar enough to him that sets Lightning off."

Gasping a little from that comment, coming over the other end but to Yuna it was clear what it had been about. "Normally we do try and keep them separated Mary. But again that isn't the ultimate point of this call. That situation was taken care of, Lightning is aware of the situation and the steps we take to try and prevent her from running into him unless she chooses to."

" _Okay... do you mind me asking then what is the purpose of this call? I'm receiving mixed signals here._ "

"Lightning has requested that Serah not be present for the visit. She claims it is because she doesn't want to reveal as much about her time during the Purge to Serah, and the way she was talking about it makes me feel like she wants to at least bring you a bit closer and even some of what she went through... I'm not sure if Rosa told you or not when you two talked. But if that is the case, please don't shut her out. Even if it is something horrible that happened. She needs to know you are there for her." Yuna began as she could almost hear some tears from the other end. "And sadly transversely, you can't push her to talk about it. Let her bring it up."

" _I don't know if I'd be able to handle something bad that happened to her..._ " Mary said with a clear sob that just caused Yuna to take a deep breath as she began to actually digest what the woman had told her.

"Mary to be clear, I'm not saying you can't feel for her. I know I'm not even related to her and whenever she talks about it I feel awful and I just want to cry and hold onto my husband for dear life. I doubt she will go into as much detail as she does with me and Rosa. It probably will be about as much as she told Serah... if not a little bit more."

" _But when I hear of the trauma she went through... to any degree from others..._ "

"Sorry to interrupt Mary, but by the sounds of it, you've never heard of it from Lightning. Today when she told Serah, she knew exactly how much to tell her. When talking to Rosa and myself, she knows exactly how much to tell. Trust your daughter to just not toss you into the deep end."

" _If she wants me... I'll be there... even though I'm terrified of what will be talked about._ "

"Mary, don't be. Talk to Serah about what Lightning had talked about, and you'll get a taste as to what Lightning might want to talk about. But if it helps, Lightning is actually looking forward to talking with you. She considers your relationship with her on the mend... and does want to mend it fully from what I can tell." Yuna said as she could hear a small gasp on the other end that she just knew was from a further shock.

" _She really thinks that? It isn't just my wishful thinking?_ "

Smiling softly from the comment, Yuna began to shake her head gently. "She told me herself." Yuna said as she could see her door open and Rosa walking in before closing it. A small smile ever present on her face as she took a seat. "I should let you get back to talking with Serah if you are with her."

" _Okay. Thank you._ " Came from the other end as Yuna just said a quick farewell as she hung up her phone.

Sighing softly Yuna gently stood up as she began to dust her clothes off as she looked towards her boss. "I really really need some tea. Do you want some?" Yuna asked as Rosa just smiled faintly at her as she nodded. "So in news... Lightning is refusing Serah to visit, and actually wants one of her parents to visit. Even if it is her mother. Still a parent which just a few months ago she wanted next to nothing to do with." Yuna said as she flicked the switch.

"That is a bit shocking. Did she give you a reason? They both seemed near inseparable from the few conversations I've seen." Rosa asked carefully as Yuna started to make the tea so she and her boss could enjoy it and talk about whatever it was that was important to them.

"Serah was trying to tell her in a roundabout way she was stupid for having a breakdown, and Lightning explained majorly the cliff notes version towards her and just doesn't want to pile too much onto her right now. She didn't explain the nightmares, the possible rape in her mind which we sadly know is very true, and she focused solely on Cid." Yuna said with a smile as she picked up the tray and began to walk towards her desk.

"That is a huge step for her. She actually brought up something like that to her family. Even if it isn't in detail, and if it was anyone else I'd actually really want it to be detail... but with what she went through..." Rosa said softly as she accepted the cup before her as Yuna sat in her own chair.

"I know. Believe me I know. I still feel so awful when she talks about them and I just want to hug her but I can't. Because she can swing and it hurts." Yuna said softly as she took a calming sip of the tea as she leaned back a bit more. "Biggest news though it seems like Lightning might even talk to her mother about Cid and what he put her through. Which is why I just got off the phone with her. Because it is best if you go in with some warning beforehand. Because those are some real horrifying things. And I just had to tell her to not push the topic and to let Lightning bring it up."

* * *

Smiling as she looked down at Vanille's head resting on the pillow as she idly pet Vivi, Lightning's arm she was holding onto with her spare hand. Just the weaving of their fingers caused Lightning to smile a little.

She wasn't sure if it was from that, their closeness, or what that just was making her heart beat so strangely or even being able to ignore the chill from the tile floors that Lightning just couldn't help but just enjoy the feeling as Vanille let out a content hum to the situation.

"I should be getting up... it is getting late and lights out should be happening soon. And if they do a head count and I'm not in my room the entire place is going on lock down. Because I might have multiple attempts on my record here. In the double digits." Vanille said softly just breaking the silence the duo where in. One that neither really wanted to but they both knew someone had to.

"Why would you want to break out? As far as I've seen everything seems pretty decent and doesn't really seem like it is worth it to try and break out." Lightning said softly as they began to enter a sitting position just looking into each other's eyes. A smile on Lightning's lips as she could see just the happiness into Vanille's eyes.

"I don't do too well in confinement like this. Most of the time I just want to go outside and playing with the insects night or day. And the people are too boring in here and stern. Which really really sucked until you came by. No one here seems to understand the kind of joy and beauty nature has. I even doubt you do entirely but I'm not exactly pushed to go out... you seem to have that same beauty." Vanille said as she leaned over to kiss Lightning chastely as she frowned a little standing back up where she frowned a little.

Blushing darkly from the comment Lightning coughed lightly into her hand as she gently picked up Vivi and placed the barely waking dog down onto her bed. "Thanks... you're beautiful too." Lightning said softly as she could see Vanille just smiling as she could see her just smiling faintly as she could see Vanille just smiling as she gently skipped towards the door.

"Just, I hope that by the time you get better and leave... I'm not waiting long for another beautiful woman like you Light..." Vanille said softly as Lightning held her hand out to stop the door from opening.

"Van... you'll be fine. You'll probably be out long before me. Depression to my knowledge is a lot easier to treat than the what is wrong with me." Lightning said softly as Vanille just frowned shaking her head gently as she looked towards Light.

"It is... but the main thing is I'd need to talk about why I tried to kill myself. Which I don't think I can... ever. It would just hurt Fang. And I can't hurt her." Vanille said softly as she leaned up to plant another kiss on Lightning's lips as the distinct flashing lights signalled they had five minutes left before the doors locked. "I've got to run... I'll see you tomorrow." Vanille said as she opened the door before slipping out as Lightning just closed it with a frown.

' _ **That woman is crazy... but I know that look Light. Let's just get some sleep. We need it, and so does Vivi.'**_

"Fine."


	71. Chapter 71

Chapter 71:

Smiling faintly as she heard a knock at her door, Lightning just spoke up instead of stopping her set. "Come in." Lightning said as she lowered herself back down as she could see Vanille walking in with a smile as she looked at Lightning doing her work out as Vivi stayed curled up on the bed as he just continued to sleep gently.

"So today is the day you get to have a meeting with your mother instead of her and your sister. So how are you feeling?" Vanille asked as she took a seat just on the bed as she reached down to gently run her hand along the animal's body as was tradition to gently wake him up.

Smiling gently as she quickly swapped to one hand and just started to enjoy the way she could feel her muscles burn slightly. "I feel fine. The voice hasn't done it's normal chiding or annoying me... which is a little strange. But it is the for best I suppose. I just know it is biding its time before I go and talk to my Mom." Lightning said as she lowered herself down once again.

' _ **I know you think that, but I assure you that I'm not going to do something like that. At least not unless you start to venture down the rabbit hole. Because I don't think I can stomach you blabbing about in detail about the hell we lived in to anyone unqualified.'**_

Taking a deep breath, Lightning gently popped up onto her knees as she could see Vivi taking a big yawn as he began to stretch. Laughing softly as she shook her head gently as she took a deep breath to just see Vanille just gently lowering the animal gently down onto the floor as she took a deep breath as the animal started to walk towards her carefully.

Laughing softly as she felt the animal lick her face, Lightning just had to shake her head as she gently moved the animal away. "I need to finish working out boy. If I don't I'm going to be tense all day." Lightning said with a gentle nudge to push him back as Vanille just shook her head gently.

"You've had to have been doing it a while Light. I know your routine... come on let's go get some breakfast... I hear they are adding a new breakfast option today and I'm super curious... new meals mid season is so rare. I must know what crazy meal is being thought of in that kitchen. Last time it was pumpkin cinnamon rolls. Which are so good." Vanille said swinging her head back gently as Lightning just took a deep breath.

' _ **Come on Light. It isn't a bad sign. Just go a bit earlier. I'm sure that we won't freak out during the conversation with Mother dearest. I mean she at least has somewhat of a spine that I know is starting to become clearer in your mind.'**_

"Fine. Just if I get antsy and feel confined, no making out." Lightning said wondering why she could see Vanille stop mid stride towards the door. She could actually feel a little bit of mirth being robbed from herself if she was being honest with herself, but she also had to admit that it couldn't stop her from being stern about it.

' _ **Said no straight woman to another woman ever. Like how no other straight woman has sucked a woman's boobs before... unless you count breastfeeding from your mother.'**_

Shaking her head violently Lightning quickly bent down and clicked the leash into place around Vivi's collar as she walked towards Vanille to lightly pat her on the back. "Can't you just not read a story?" Vanille pleaded as she could see Lightning just looking towards her with a raised eyebrow. "I'd rather not listen to a story then not kiss you." Vanille said softly as Lightning smiled softly at the notion that that was somehow more of a deterrent to her than just simply not reading a story which they had done nearly constantly since virtually Lightning's first full day there.

"Fine. I don't think it will come to it anyways... I've been doing push ups since before dawn." Lightning said calmly as she opened the door.

"How many is that? Or are you like Fang and don't really bother counting." Vanille asked as they began to walk towards the elevators. A smile began to grow as Lightning scooped up the animal up who Lightning just smiled at the feeling of the tail wagging gently as she began to slide him into the hood of the sweater she was wearing.

Seeing Vanille skip gently in her spot, Lightning just standing next to her. "And to answer your question, I don't count. What is the point in doing that? I've got nowhere to be most of the time. Plus the doors do lock so I can't exactly get out and abide by the rules otherwise." Lightning mumbled softly as they walked into the elevator as Vanille quickly hit the button for the cafeteria floor.

"So now that you are a while into your meds... how has the voice been? You know because you haven't really been part of like music or art... and the other group things we do. Not that there's anything wrong with that if you are getting through everything with Yuna and Rosa." Vanille asked softly as Lightning just shrugged her shoulders gently.

"Has done less blatant annoying me and wishing others to suffer like I have. And has actually tried to help me at points."

' _ **How. Dare. You? I wouldn't pee on you if you were on fire. If you were hanging on the edge of a cliff by your fingertips, I'd pull up a chair and a fruity drink and watch you struggle.'**_

Shaking her head gently as the doors open, Lightning just smiled as Vanille gestured for her to leave first. "Welp, seems like it still says things you think are stupid."

Laughing softly as they came to a stop at the front of a line, Lightning just took a deep breath as she reached up and began to pet the animal gently. "I don't think that will ever stop... it constantly likes to act like it can do things physically. Such as peeing on me." Lightning said softly as she looked towards the other direction, just smiling softly as she could see the twins quickly rushing up to meet them in the line.

As they came up to Vanille she quickly looked towards them and glared in a maternal manner. "Nope. Get in line properly. It is very likely a new dish day. And I refuse to let the first come first served rule to be broken. I want whatever it is they are concocting. It will be delicious. If not... I'm going to pop Kain for lying to me." Vanille hissed softly as Lightning chuckled at as she bent down to let Palom to carefully pet the animal that he just smiled at.

"Relax Vanille. You are the first in line. I'm second... and then it is the twins. You'll get whatever it is. Even if there isn't. You aren't going to get stuck with oatmeal. Meanwhile I'll get the first serving of oatmeal. Which is always the creamiest and delicious... I just hope that they aren't flavouring the oatmeal again... I like cinnamon, I just don't like it in my oatmeal." Lightning said softly as she began to stand up as she rubbed her stomach a bit.

"So weird. If you weren't a crazy person..." Vanille muttered softly as the doors opened causing her to smile as she took a deep breath causing a grin to develop. "That is a new smell. Tell me Ignis, is there something new?" Vanille said as she began to follow the new man in. Just smiling as she took a few steps into the room, enjoying the smell as Lightning just shook her head.

"Yeah, trying something new today so there is three options for a few days. And we need to get moving so come on in." The man said walking to a door which had an orderly standing next to as he walked through.

Walking up into the line Lightning smiled as she grabbed a tray as she could see Vanille beaming at the sight of the new tray sitting next to the rest. Just shaking her head, Lightning looked towards the blonde man who handed Lightning a bowl. A face being ever present as Lightning just shook her head at the feeling of a pair of paws on her shoulder.

A smile becoming even larger as she could see Kain quickly looking around as he reached under the counter to pull out a small piece of dried meat. "No sense in the small guy not getting something himself. He has been an adorable guy and has been very quiet. Which is a bit strange given how word has it the North building is having some issues with loud pups."

Laughing softly, Lightning accepted the offered treat as she held it to the very excited puppy, she just gently placed it into his mouth as she could see the man just chuckling softly at. "Vivi, just hold off on eating it just yet. Wait till we get to the table. And thank you Kain." Lightning said as she could feel the paws leaving her shoulder as she just sighed softly as she quickly passed over Vanille and walked towards one of the many empty tables.

She couldn't help but feel like today was going to be a good day if because of how it was seeming thus far. She just hoped that her mother was going to be somewhat uneventful. Chuckling softly as she grabbed a spoon on her way to the table. Just a smile as she could see Vanille skipping towards them.

Lowering her bowl, Lightning quickly reached up and picked the smiling animal up with the chunk of the treat still in his mouth waiting patiently as she lowered him down onto the floor. Gently placing a hand on top of his head, Lightning gave it a gentle scratch as she took a seat just smiling as she could see him quickly look towards her with a pleading look in his face.

It was like it was taking all his willpower to not devour that piece of meat at that exact second. Just the notion that he had that much willpower was something that Vanille who looked over had some mirth at as she just chuckled taking a seat next to her.

"Go ahead boy." Lightning said as he quickly began to chomp loudly as his tail began to become a blur. Chuckling softly as she looked towards Vanille who had started to gently laugh herself. "He seems extremely happy. But I just hope Kain doesn't make that a habit. He is meant to receive a very special food that I'm meant to give him after we eat." Lightning said as she could see the twins taking their accustomed seats.

"He has some great willpower... you seem to be training him very well. Any animal I know would just have devoured it all without a second's thought." Vanille said softly as Lightning spared a glance towards her. "You haven't been training him? Damn... he is a strange animal. But adorable so it is okay. Strange in a good way though." Vanille said with a smile as Lightning just gently shook her head.

"I haven't really. Short of training him to heel and inadvertently how to comfort people. Which is what he is mostly going to be doing. At least from what I've been told and read." Lightning said softly as she grabbed the spoon and just took up a small portion to take a gentle bite. "So what is the new item on the menu?"

"Ignis called it the 'Burly Bean Bowl'... it is basically beans, eggs and bell peppers from what I can see. Tastes pretty good. Want a bite?" Vanille asked calmly as Lightning just rolled her eyes and took up a new spoonful and slipping it into her mouth.

"I'll take that a no. Don't blame you... could use some spice and I'll be sure to tell Ignis before I leave. What about you Palom? Porom?"

"Yeah maybe a little... not much. I don't get how you can eat so many spicy things." Porom said calmly as she began to mix the contents of the bowl.

"Slightly more than what Porom wants I say... she is just being a baby." Palom said as he glared gently at his sister. An almost spiteful glare that just caused Lightning to chuckle gently at. She knew that tone wasn't so much of anger more so out of spite to prove some sort of bravado. She had seen it a few times with Serah and had even done it herself a few.

"Both of you stop it... and I only like spice because chilli oil is cheaper where I was raised instead of pepper as a spice. So it is either eat bland food like Light does."

"Hey."

"You eat flavourless oatmeal Light. While you are very pretty and that is something anyone with eyes can tell, and you are super super smart which anyone that talks to you can tell... you don't have a leg to stand on here." Vanille countered as she turned back towards the twins. "And as I was saying to you two, it is either go super spicy or go bland. And I don't really like bland. But I can see why you would be a bit concerned by that. Anyways big day for Light... getting visited by her Mom."

' _ **And now it seems like everyone is going to know... telling you if we start our own rumours we can still create a fortune of cookies... well more than we already have due to your freaky speedy breakdown of food.'**_

Gently shaking her head, Lightning just shrugged her shoulders as she could see the interested look in the twins' faces. "Mother. Not Mom. My nanny and tutors were more of a Mom. Even though for whatever reason my family still has the nanny on staff. Who was constantly worried about as much as Serah." Lightning said calmly as she could see some curiosity towards her. "It is hard to explain. My Mother is very distant with me... partially because of my own not wanting her as close for very important reasons I'm not going to get into with either Palom or Porom here. It is something I wouldn't even get into with Vanille here either." Lightning said softly as she took a deep breath and just began to scrape what remained in the bowl. "I keep telling you three, my family life is not an overly comfortable one or even close to what you'd assume. And I doubt no matter how many generations my family lasts... it will always be like that. Family is the worst thing that my family does."

"Still don't buy that. Serah spoke of your parents in high regard." Vanille mumbled as she pierced the egg on top. Just smiling as she could see the yellow seeping out and mixing with the reddish brown liquid.

Smirking gently, Lightning shook her head. "Serah is a different person. She never saw anything but my parents' concern, and them trying to wait on her hand and foot. I was never so lucky. Hell the only reason I'm here is because she wanted me to get better and it would be in my parents best interest if they seemed like they were helping their eldest. Like a game of chess... nothing my family does is as simple as first things appear."

Seeing Lightning stop gently as she lowered the bowl, jumping a little as she could hear a bark coming from next to her. Looking down she just smiled as she could see Vivi's tail wagging as he began to raise his injured paw as she just smiled as she reached down and gently pet him.

"It's okay boy. I'm not going into a bad place." Lightning said softly as she could feel the concerned eyes on her that she just ignored as she rested her head against the table. Just smiling as she could see the animal just relaxing as though Lightning's contact was a comfort blanket for him. And Lightning would be lying if she didn't think that he was her own as well as Vanille.

Without taking her eyes off of the animal, Lightning just took a deep breath. "And my Mother and I are trying to have some sort of relationship now... at least partially. I'm just not overly fond of the gushy mother and daughter relationship I know she wants. I barely want the gushy sister relationship my sister wants and she is the only person I actually care about most of the time." Lightning said softly as she sighed she looked up and at the worried expression of her friends.

"What type of gushy sister relationship?" Palom asked carefully as he quickly looked towards his sister before looking back towards Lightning. As if he was feeling a slight fear. As if he was looking into over the edge of the current circle of hell and not wanting to see what could be further down.

"Like what you and your sister already have. Maybe a little bit more of us talking about our days and any interest in relationships. That meanwhile just makes me feel really uncomfortable. You can even ask your sister... I can't even do comfort too well. Can barely do hugs. Takes a lot of mental strength to just not feel like I'm not being attacked. Same with people walking behind me." Lightning said softly as she could see the twins just nodding along in understanding. "Now either way, I need to go get another bowl or at the very least start the ritual of getting my fingers stabbed to see if I'll be safe for a few hours without passing out. Pretty sure I can't have another family member getting angered at the staff or think I'm getting worse off for no real reason."

"Okay. We'll be here. Enjoy the bland gruel. I'm going to continue to critique Ignis' food. Even though I know he is going to take offence even though he shouldn't." Vanille said as she continued to carefully stare at the bowl. With just a smile as Lightning just smiled faintly as she picked up Vivi and placed him back in her hood as she picked up the bowl as she just started to walk back towards the kitchen.

' _ **Well, today regardless is going to be a fun one. Especially with the cute guy who is super hyped for more treats that might not happen.'**_

"Yeah."


End file.
